Warning: This story doesn't contain any sex. It's the story of gay teens. None of the characters are based on real people, nor are they meant to resemble any living or dead people.
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This Is Seth
Chapter 15 – Someone Online
I'm sitting here in my room and feeling very alone, and what I want more than anything else is to find someone who shares both my religion and my sexuality. The Internet is the only place where I'm going to find someone who meets that description. With the twins keeping their eyes out for someone for me, I feel like I'm out of the loop. Turning on the computer, I sit in my computer chair and wait while it finishes booting up. Maybe I'm wasting my time. Maybe real love, like Mom and Dad talk about it, is just for dreamers. I don't think it's going to happen for me, but maybe I'll be lucky.
I love my computer; without it, this process would be dreadful, but on with the search. I get logged onto my Internet account and onto a site that caters to gay youth meeting other gay youth for support. When it came up, I went straight to the search options. I enter Mormon and Indiana, and then hit enter. There were not very many choices open to me. One of them did, however, catch my eye.
"Attached LDS guy, I'm just looking for another LDS guy to be friends with. I'm lucky to have already found someone to call my own. I'm just here to make friends. Hit me up by messaging me on here."
I click on the "Message Me" icon.
"Hi, I'm also from Indiana. Would love to be friends with you. Catch me up on here if you happen to catch me online."
When the message was sent, I walked out of my room to grab a drink.
As I walk downstairs, I find my thoughts returning to that profile. Have I finally found someone who I can relate too? He's made it pretty clear that he's found someone for him to love; he's damn lucky. All I want is a friend and he says that is what he's looking for, so I think we're good. Entering the kitchen, I grab my glass and fill it with water. Drinking the water, I head back up the stairs. When I got to my room, I had a request for chat up on my screen.
Looking at the request, my finger clicks the mouse and accepts the request.
"Hi, how are you?"
I didn't realize how nervous I would be chatting with someone.
"I'm good, you?"
"I'm doing awesome. By the way, my name is Seth and I'm seventeen and from Indiana. More precisely, I'm from Tylerville, Indiana."
"No way, I'm from Indiana too. I'm from Lakeview. I'm sixteen and my name is Eric."
It's pretty cool that we both live in the same state.
"So what do you like to do?"
Always nice to have something in common with the person that you're getting to know. Yes, I know he has a boyfriend.
"Well, I play around with writing, love video games, and I love to hang out with my boyfriend."
"I love to do photography, drawing, painting, writing, and I wrestle on my school's team. Oh and I like hiking."
Now, I have to ask him the big question.
"Are you having sex with your boyfriend?"
There was a short pause.
"No, I'm lucky to have a boyfriend who is willing to wait on me till we get married. Hmm... I wasn't expecting you to ask that question."
"I didn't mean to pry. I'm just trying to figure things out."
"Look, Eric, I just wanted to know if... you were still in the church."
"No... my dad got me excommunicated for kissing my boyfriend."
My heart dropped. I couldn't believe this; he was excommunicated for simply kissing someone he loved. Is it worth finding someone then? I know that my parents support me, but not everyone in my life has been supportive. What's the point if it's just going to end up with me being excommunicated for following my heart?
"I can't believe that your dad would do that to you. I'm glad that my parents are okay with me being gay."
"Mom and Dad are awesome."
"You're a very lucky guy. I take it that you don't have a boyfriend yet."
"No, but my brother and sister are on the search for someone to fill that position."
"LOL!" He laughed and it lightened my mood. "That's too cool! It's awesome that they're looking out for you like that."
I wonder if anyone watches out for him.
"I take it your mom and dad aren't supportive. Is there anyone in your family who does support you?"
"Yeah, I got kicked out of my home, but, lucky for me, my sister and brother-in-law live in the same city and within the same school boundaries, so I never had to quit school or lose contact with any of my friends."
Eric is lucky. From what I hear, there are some people who haven't been very lucky.
"I don't want to cut this short, but my sister needs me to do something for her. Can we chat later?"
I didn't want to end the chat. I was actually enjoying myself for a change. Usually all I do is browse, look around on the site, and that gets pretty boring.
"Sure! Chat with you later!"
With that, Eric disappeared from the chat, and I ended the chat also.
Finally, I have someone whom I can relate to. He is my future. He is my hope after all. If he can make it, so can I. Don't know how Mom and Dad will take to me being excommunicated though, but someday I'll have love in my life. Isn't the purpose of life to meet someone and fall in love with them and then, if you're lucky, to grow old together?
There is a knock at the door and Paul walked into the room with his English book in hand. He sat on the bed and looked at me with his puppy dog eyes. I swear, no person can resist those eyes.
"What do you need Paul?"
He seems to be studying my face. He laid his book down and came closer to my face.
"Dude, what is up with you?"
"Nothing is wrong with me."
I want to keep Eric to myself for right now. Paul had to see my glow from chatting with Eric. I had to draw his attention from me. I Picked up his English book and waved it in front of his face.
"What in this book do you need help with?"
Paul gave me a sly smile as he glanced at the computer and then back at me. Taking the book from my hands, he opens to a page in the book.
"Here, help me with this."
He had his hand on a section dealing with writing business letters. Paul pulls a piece of paper from his notebook.
"I've got it done, but I want you to read over it, Mr. English professor."
I started the process of reading over his letter.
"Looks like I'm not the only writer in the family. This is good Paul."
His eyes are beaming with pride.
"Thanks Seth! I love you man."
Paul turns and leaves the room.
The day seems to be taking forever to finally come to a close. Now I can be in my room by myself. It's time to see if there is any email. I signed onto my email account and opened my inbox. "Yes!" there is a message from Eric.
Do you have any brothers and sisters? I guess that is what I miss the most. I have not been able to see my other siblings since I got kicked out of my house. I miss them so much. My sister and brother-in-law are going to be parents and that is the most amazing thing in the world. I am going to be an uncle, dude. So can I see what you look like? No biggie if you can't send a picture. We should meet up some time. It would be awesome. Maybe I can hook you up? Do any of your friends know that you're gay? Sorry for asking a ton of questions. I was kind of curious.
Taking my mouse, I clicked the print icon.
I like to print out emails so that I can sit down and write up a proper response for the sender. The habit of printing out my email started last year, and I've found that it really works for me. For now, though, it's time for bed.
* * *
Morning time: it is time for my shower, breakfast, and answering emails. The shower came and went. Breakfast today is eggs and toast with jam. It's time to answer the email. I go up the stairs with a smile on my face; destination: my room. Grabbing a pen and piece of paper, I sit down at my desk.
Yes, I do have siblings. I have 2 brothers and a sister. I have one very loving 6 year old brother, and two 15-year-old siblings. The two 15-year-old siblings are twins. I'm sorry that you are missing out on your siblings. Maybe you could talk to your sister and see if they could spend the night or something. I actually don't have a pic yet, but yeah, I would love to meet up once we get to know each other. When you say `hook up', do you mean finding me a boyfriend? LOL... thanks, but I think I have plenty of help in that department already. I do have friends that know about me being gay. Don't worry about being curious; it's cool. Do you have any other family members who are gay? I have an uncle on my mom's side who is gay and he has a life partner. My uncle was disowned and my mom and I recently found them. Man, are my uncles awesome! What is it like having a boyfriend? Anyway, I should let you go. TTYL!
Looks good to me, so now I just have to type this up and send it to Eric. With that finished, I am going downstairs, hoping that I'm not 'glowing', as my brother and sister put it.
I run down the stairs and head outdoors to shoot some hoops. I need to burn off some energy, and yes, I could do it in other ways, but basketball sounds really good. After 15 minutes of alone time, my dad joins me.
"Okay, spill it. What's wrong?"
"Nothing is wrong. I just needed to burn off some extra energy."
"If you say so; I hope everything is okay. If you need to talk, I'm here, okay?"
As I turned back to the basket, I caught my mom looking out the window at me. No doubt, she is just as worried as Dad. This time, I'm honestly not upset. Something tells me that my family won't stop their questions until I tell them what's up, which is why I'm going to tell the next member of my family who asks why I'm so happy. I guess they deserve that much. I still feel like I could shoot a million more baskets. In case you're wondering, I get like this when I get excited about something.
I walk inside and put the b-ball down in the closet. Then I go up to the linen closet and grab a towel, and then go to my room to grab some clean clothes. This guy needs a shower because I am reeking of B.O. Mom passes me by as I enter the bathroom, and I think she sees the smile on my face.
My shower is done; I am smelling like roses again and freshly dressed. Mom must have been listening for the door to open.
"Seth Thompson, get down here!"
Well, a son can't argue when his mom demands his presence. I get up and walk downstairs. I'm a little unclear as to what she wants, seeing as I haven't done anything wrong. I'll just have to find out what she needs. I got downstairs as fast as possible. My mom isn't to be kept waiting. Getting to the bottom of the steps wasn't my only problem. Mom was steaming over something and that something is me. Making my way into the kitchen, I found Mom sitting at the kitchen table. Her game face is on and there is no making her happy at this point. She pointed to the chair across from her. "Sit!" Taking Mom's suggestion, I sat in the chair that she pointed too. At first, there was just a stare and then silence.
"Seth, what is going on with you today? You spent almost a half hour outside shooting baskets, and something tells me that you're keeping something from me. Now what is going on?"
"Are you sure that you want to know?"
She gave me a weird smile, and with my mom that means only one thing; she wants to know.
"Yes, I want to know. Now quit acting silly and tell me!"
"I met another gay Mormon kid."
She seems stunned.
"He lives in Lakeview."
She smiled at me.
"So tell me, is he a possible boyfriend?"
Her smiled filled the room with hopeful possibilities.
"Mom, he has a boyfriend."
Her mood has shifted. She reached a hand across the table to me. Every part of me wants to tell her that I'll find someone to love, but I know it's going to take time.
"Mom, do you really want me to be happy?"
Her face is reassuring and calming.
"I've always wanted you to be happy. You'll find him, and we'll love him too."
"You're welcome. I love you."
"I love you too."
I get up and leave.
I'm going to retire to my room and maybe take a nap. Sadly, my chance for a nap came to halt as Paul and Sam enter my room.
"Do you know that you're interrupting my nap time?"
They don't look like they care about my beauty sleep. I might as well ask them.
"What do you want?"
About the only time that I show any signs of being grumpy with my siblings is when they wake up me up from a nap or catch me as I'm about to take one. They backed off towards the door.
"We just wanted to know... what's up with the smiles?"
I'm a little surprised that Mom didn't tell them what's going on with me. Do Paul and Sam even really need to know what's going on with me? They would just feel left out if I didn't tell them, so here it goes. If I tell them, then I'm guaranteed to get some sleep.
"Well, if you must know, I found someone like me."
I could see the sarcastic comment ready to leap from Paul's mouth.
"You mean weird and ugly."
"No, I mean gay and Mormon."
Their expressions went blank. I think the twins are stunned.
"So does this mean that you don't need the services of your beloved brother and sister?"
A snicker escaped my lips.
"Who said that I don't need you? This guy isn't my boyfriend. He's just a guy, someone who can relate to what's going on in my life. So get out there and find me a boyfriend."
My brother and sister left the room and never looked back. I think they are anxious to get back on the 'Case of My Missing Boyfriend'.
Hmm... wonder if I've got any email. Walking over to my computer table, I again sign into my email account. Right on time, there is an email from Eric waiting for me.
You know, I should see if my sister could talk my parents into letting my siblings stay a night over at the house. It would give them a chance to see me and to spend time with Sarah, my sister. Cool, let's come up with a place and a time to meet. Do you mind if my boyfriend shows up? Of course, if you don't want him there, I completely understand. I would also understand if you brought someone with you. Yeah... I know some guys out your way who might be interested in a nice guy to date. Honestly, I don't know if I have any other gay family members. You are lucky having your uncles to be there for you. What is it like having a boyfriend? It's flipping awesome. Steve is the best. He makes my worst days wonderful. Hope you're having a great day. Talk to you later!
Again, I print out the email and set it aside. I'm not in a mood to write at the moment, a nap sounds really good... then my phone rings. Looking at the Caller ID, I realize that it's Devin. I ignored the call and lay back down; I figure a half hour nap should do it. Fifteen minutes later, my phone rings again. At this point I decide to just get up and answer the phone.
"Hey, Seth. Devin here. I was wondering if you wanted to hang out. Paige wanted to come over and see you for a bit."
"Sure, come on over."
"Cool, man, I'll see you in a little bit."
It looks like I had better get up and get myself in gear. Fifteen minutes later, there is a knock at the door. I ran down the stairs to answer it and I greeted my friends.
"Hey guys, come on up to the room."
"So what's new?"
Do I tell them? It's pretty cool that I've managed to find another teen who is not only gay, but LDS too. Well, at least I think it's pretty cool. I just don't want to hear, "Is he a possible boyfriend?" I know Paige will ask that and Devin might hint at it.
"Well, I found another gay Mormon guy, and before you ask, I am not going to date him."
I could see Paige's mouth drop. Devin seems kind of shocked too.
"He already has someone."
"Well then why have contact with him?"
I can't believe Paige would say that. Maybe I want more than just a boyfriend. They wouldn't understand that need. Come to think about it, yeah they would.
"Paige, maybe he just needs a friend."
"Well, that is okay, but he needs to find someone"
"Guys, I'm right here."
"Yeah, he does." Devin stared at me with eyes that penetrated my soul. It's kind of creepy, to be honest. I thought Devin might be okay with everything. His gaze tells me otherwise.
"You know we're just looking out for you."
Devin smiled as he looked at me.
"Guys, I'll find someone, okay. It's not like I'm not looking."
Well yeah, I'm sort of looking, right? The twins are looking for someone for me. I guess I'm really not looking for anyone.
"Yeah, I'm looking. I just haven't found Mr. Right."
Without warning, Paige's phone rings.
"Hello, Mom." She didn't look happy to be hearing from her mom. The phone was silent for a few seconds before Paige spoke again.
"Mom, I'll have Devin bring me right home."
I watch as she pushed `End' on her phone.
"Sorry, Seth, but we have to jet. My mom wants me to come home and take care of something."
It wasn't too long after Paige and Devin left that I decided to head up to my room. Five minutes later, Dad appeared at my door.
My dad entered my room, sat on my bed and looked me right in the eye. He's not saying anything, but I already know what he wants.
"Hey, Dad, what can I do for you?"
I'm trying to smile in an attempt to catch him off guard, but I failed. He's not buying my trick.
"Seth, what is going on with you today? Everyone in the house seems to know what's going on but me. Mom seems a bit concerned, and honestly, I am very concerned. Spill it."
Dad was not smiling, so I knew this was no joke. This talk is not going to be the one that I was expecting when he first walked into the room.
"Okay, you want to know what's going on; I can tell you. Honestly though, it's not that big of a deal."
Again, he didn't smile. The lack of a smile on Dad's face usually means that I'm in big trouble. What is he going to think when he finds out the truth?
"Well if it's not that big a deal, then tell me and let me decide if it's a big deal or not."
His left index finger starts to tap on his knee. Any time that finger starts tapping, you are on a countdown that leads to some form of punishment.
"Last night I found a guy online who happens to be gay, LDS and close to my age. His name is Eric and he lives in Lakeview, Indiana. Dad before you ask, Eric is not my boyfriend. He's not even in the running. Eric has a boyfriend."
Dad's face filled with disappointment. I'm sure he thought there was something huge and scary hiding in the weirdness of my life.
"I have to admit, Seth, that is not what I was expecting you to say. Well, I'm going to assume that Eric is simply a friend. Do you plan on meeting this young man?"
Funny, he should mention that, I need to reply to Eric. I guess I'll do it once Dad is out of my room.
"He brought up the possibility of meeting. He wants to bring his boyfriend, and I want it to be somewhere in public for safety sake."
He smiled for the first time since entering my room. I think the part about being safe made him happy.
"I don't understand why it was so important that I talk to you."
"Did Mom send you up here?"
He looks guilty.
"I think I'm just going back downstairs now."
"Bye, Dad." I laughed as he walked out of my room. "Bye, Seth." I watched as Dad left my room and started down the stairs.
Turning to my computer, I opened up the browser so I could reply to Eric. I brought up Eric's email so I could type my reply.
What's up? I'm sorry it seems like it's taken me forever to get back to you. Have you had a chance to talk to your boyfriend yet? Everyone in my house has been asking me why I'm so happy. I know it sounds kind of funny, or maybe even a bit strange, but finding you online has really made my week. Okay, why don't we meet up for Chinese at King's Buffet? Of course Steve is invited. Yeah... my uncles are really cool.
This email is typed up and ready to go; all I have to do is click send. As I do, I realize that if Steve comes with Eric, then I'll be the third wheel if I don't find someone to go with me. Do miracles happen that fast? Of course, I could always just bring a friend. Wonder what Scottie is doing next Saturday. It wouldn't be so bad if I told everyone that he is my friend. It's the truth, isn't it? Besides, Scottie would die if I introduced him as my boyfriend.
Out of the corner of my eye, I noticed Ryan come into my room with his crayons and coloring books in tow. Ryan has learned that if he wants to find someone to do something with, all he has to do is come find me. I will literally drop what I'm doing, if I can, and spend time with him. It's interesting that Mom says that I was this way with Paul and Sam, but Dad says that I've only been this way with Ryan. I don't know which of my parents is right, but I suppose it doesn't matter now. I love my sibs and they know it.
Ryan handed me my coloring book for the evening. I smiled as I joined him on the floor. For about an hour, we traded jokes, crayons and had a small tickle battle. Ryan ended up leaving my room with a smile on his face, and I feel good because I've been able to spend time with him. It's also left me kind of hungry, and after a day of answering questions, I'm also kind of tired. I went downstairs and had some toast with peanut butter on it and went to bed.
* * *
In the morning, I was awakened by three smiling siblings. "Get up, get up!" Ryan grabbed my finger and pulled me out of my bed. He still didn't let go. Instead, he dragged me over to the window. He pointed to the moving truck parked across the street. A part of me was as excited as my siblings seemed to be.
"Guys, do you know what this means?"
"We're way ahead of you on this one."
Paul smiled at me.
"Yeah, big bro, we aren't stupid."
Sam just lovingly shoved me. I see four people inside of the van, but I can't make out faces. I hope one of them is gay and a guy. I feel myself slipping into a daydream.
As I watch the van, I envision myself getting out of the van with a guy who has no face. It doesn't seem to bother me that the guy has no features. We hold hands as we walk up the sidewalk to the front door. My hand shakes as I dig the keys out of my pocket. It trembles as I unlock the door for the first time. Opening up the door, I muster all my strength and carry him across the threshold. He and I are laughing as I feel a jab to my side, which causes me to leave the dream behind.
Looking around, I notice Paul standing next to me with a silly smile on his face.
"Already dreaming of him, huh?"
Paul knew exactly where my mind was while I looked out the window. I guess he knows me pretty well.
"Yeah, I couldn't help myself."
I don't get it, but I really couldn't help myself. Why don't they get out already? I need to see who is in that van. Seconds seem to pass as though they are hours. Suddenly the door opens and I watch as they file out of the vehicle one at a time. The first person appears to be a guy in his early forties. He is followed by a boy who appears to be 9 or 10. The next two to leave the van are a teenage boy and a teenage girl. Instantly my eyes are drawn to the teenage boy. Apparently, my siblings were also watching, because they are gone. It didn't take them long to meet the new neighbors.
I watched from my window as Paul and the new kid shook hands. A part of me is jealous. I should be down there shaking hands with him. Deciding to head downstairs, I left my room. By the time I got to the front door, I am greeted by my brother and sister. Paul is grinning as if he is the Cheshire Cat from Alice In Wonderland.
"Ready for this, my brother? His name is Mason Ortiz. He's gay, or least he comes across as being gay, and he's single. It's time for you to make your mark."
"Are you sure, man?"
My younger brother's smile left little doubt that he was sure. I guess it's up to me to see if my charms can pique this guy's interest.
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