Date: Sun, 26 Dec 2010 19:48:59 EST
From: HnstSkr4@aol.com
Subject: This Is Seth - Chapter 7

Warning: This story doesn't contain any sex.  It's the story of gay teens.
None of the characters are based on real people, nor are they meant to
resemble any living or dead people.

Let me know what you think of the story by emailing me at Hnstskr4@aol.com

I want to thank everyone who has emailed.  I also want to thank those who
have read the story.  It means a lot hearing from you.  Please continue
reading!  There is a lot more to come.  I own all rights to this story.
Chuck B.

I've got such a great response to the story and would love to hear from
everyone who reads it.

I'm using a different technique for writing this story, so if you don't
like it, let me know, or if you really like it, let me know that, too.

Copyright © 2010

Characters Mentioned In This Chapter Seth - Seth is the main character.  He
is 17 at the start of this story.  Charlie Thompson – Seth's Dad Dawn
Thompson – Seth's Mom Paul Thompson – Seth's 15 year old brother
Sam/Samantha Thompson – Seth's 15 year old sister Uncle Tim Walker –
one of Dawn's younger brothers Uncle Mike – Tim Walker's Partner






Chapter 7

My Mom Sees It

Today has a weird feeling to it.  I had another dream, so that might
explain why it feels so strange.  In the dream, I am on my way off to
college.  Everything feels like it's changing right before my eyes.  Mom
and Dad are moving and Paul is getting married.  The dream was filled with
random pictures of the occurrences.  No one talked in the dream and yet, it
still has a real feeling to it.  I'm feeling okay today, maybe just a
little bit off.  Breakfast will get me energized.  I always feel better
after eating in the morning.  I manage to get downstairs and peek around
the corner, only to see Mom on the phone.  Suddenly, I hear her say my name
to whomever she is talking to and I come to a complete stop.  Wonder what
this is all about?

I heard her call this person "Tim".  At first the name didn't register, but
then, as if struck by lightning, it hits me.  "Tim" is my Uncle Tim.  Mom
tells him that:

"He is just off lately."

Wonder what she means by that.

"I know something is wrong."

Wow... she sounds really concerned about me.  Maybe, I should have said
something to them when I first started having these feelings.  There is
silence for few moments.  I suppose it's because Uncle Tim is talking.
Wish Mom would put the phone on speakerphone.  I'd love to know what Uncle
Tim is telling her.

"I hate that he's hiding something."

How would she react if she knew what I was hiding from them?

"You honestly think it's nothing?"

She doesn't exactly sound like she believes her brother.

"I... I... wonder if he's gay."

How in the heck did she guess that?  Now, I am really super interested in
what she has to say next.

"I know, I shouldn't just come out and ask but..."

Uncle Tim must have interrupted her train of thought.  Sometimes, it would
almost be easier if she did just come out and ask me.  There seems to be a
pause in the conversation.

"No... it doesn't matter if he's gay or not. It won't change how I feel
about him.  Do you know that I still resent our parents for what they did
to you?"

So all this time, Mom would have been okay with me.  I didn't need to hide
who I am from her.  Talk about feeling stupid!

"No... you're right, holding onto the resentment isn't helping anyone."

Again there is silence on the phone.

"What do I think Charlie will say?  Nothing, he loves his son."

Mom, you're killing me here.  I didn't expect you to be so open to my
sexuality.

"I don't think that will happen."

All of sudden, I can hear her crying.  I don't want to hear any more of
this conversation.  Turning around, my feet head back up to my room.


I never meant to cause her any pain.  Maybe it's best to just ignore my
sexuality.  I don't want her to cry anymore because of me.  All I know is
that if she keeps crying, I'll be crying too.  The front door opens and
closes.  My head turns and looks at the clock.  It's time for Dad to be
home.  I wonder what Mom will tell him.  She already suspects that I'm gay.
Can't imagine Mom keeping that from Dad.  I'm pretty sure that she'll talk
it over with Dad.  All I know is that the shoe could drop at any time.  The
one thing that worries me is that Dad usually doesn't see things like Mom
does.  I could really be in trouble now.  Feel like a kid waiting for their
dad to come up the stairs to be punished.


The thought no sooner leaves my brain than I hear Dad's footsteps coming up
the stairs.  It doesn't sound like he is coming to my room though.  Now
that is a relief!  Hopefully Mom talks to me before talking with Dad.  I
don't know about Dad being able to handle it.  Heck, I don't even know if
I'll be able to handle it.  Then I hear the toilet flush, the water on,
then off and a door opens.  Now, I hear Dad's footsteps heading down the
stairs.

I really don't want to face them, so I think I'll just stay in my room.
Problem is I'm feeling just a tad bit hungry.  Ever so slowly, I open the
door and go downstairs as quietly as I can.  As turn to enter the dining
room, who should I see sitting down around the table? Mom and Dad.  Not
only are they sitting there, but they're talking about something.  I think
my hunger can wait.  I don't want to interrupt them.  Especially since, I'm
pretty sure that I'm being talked about.


I really hope everything is going okay down there.  I don't need either one
of them exploding on me or the other spouse.  Either way, it wouldn't be
good.  I guess all I can do is wait for it.  This sucks big time, I'm going
to end up going insane.  Think I'll draw something.  It always seems to
take my mind off of things.  I turn on my computer and wait for it to show
the desktop.  While it's loading up, I grab my sketch pad and a pencil.
Once it's all loaded up, I open up my photo editor and select a picture to
sketch. Ever so carefully, I start my sketch.  I ended up not getting very
far with it, because suddenly there was a knock on my door.


It sounded like Mom's knock.

"Come in!"

The door opens and Mom comes in.

"Oh... you're working, I'll come back later."

Maybe she doesn't want to have this conversation either, which is fine with
me.  You know what, there is no sense in delaying it.

"Mom, you're fine!  Actually, I was kind of anticipating this visit."

She seems kind of surprised by my comment.

"Really?" she asks me.

"Yeah, I... I sort of overheard you talking on the phone earlier."

Mom's face suddenly went bright red.  I felt bad for her.

"Mom, don't be embarrassed.  You were worried about me."

I wasn't sure what else to say.  Suddenly, I found myself with words just
falling out of my mouth.

"Why didn't you just come to me?"

"Seth, I didn't think you would have told me."

I've always been upfront with my parents.  I felt a little bit of sting in
my heart when she said that.

"Mom, I would have told you.  I've wanted to tell you guys.  I just didn't
know how to tell you."

"Seth, what exactly have been wanting to tell us?"

Well, maybe I was wrong.  Could it be that she doesn't know that I'm gay?
Right now, the words just are not coming out of my mouth.  I think she
knows that too.

"Seth, are you gay?"

I could tell by looking at her face, that just asking me was hard for her.
This is it, my opportunity to come out to her.

"Yeah, I'm gay!"

Wow... did that ever come out quickly.  I can't tell by looking at her face
if she is mad, sad, or relieved.

"Mom, I'm not having sex with anyone."

Why did I just volunteer that information?  She looked really confused.

"Seth, if you haven't had sex with anyone then how do you know?"

Wow... tough question!  Not really sure how to even answer it.

"You just have to trust me.  I know!  I've been keeping this bottled up
inside of me for a long time."

You know those moments when you feel the weight of the world being lifted
off your shoulders.  Well, I experienced it.  Mom's next action totally
threw me for a loop; she gave me this huge hug and a kiss.

"Seth, I am so relieved.  I thought you were using drugs or that you were
depressed about something."

How do I tell her that I am depressed?  Well, it's best not to worry her
too much.  So what now?  Just then, Dad appears in my doorway.  Now, I am
really worried.

With Dad in the room I suddenly feel very scared.  Mom looks at Dad and
smiles.  He comes over to me and hugs me.

"Seth, we know things haven't been easy for you and we also know that life
has a few punches to throw at you..."

Didn't exactly think that Dad would be hugging me and giving me advice.
I'm also pretty sure that when he said that the world was going to throw
punches at me, that I gulped.  Why did he go and ruin the moment?

"Mom and I have sort of known for a long time that this might come up..."

Okay, now I am really confused.

"So, then why didn't you just ask me?"

"We didn't know how to approach you," Mom said in a sort of apologetic
tone.

"Guys, all you had to do was ask me.  So does this change anything?"

I'm extremely worried about how this will affect our relationship.  Mom and
Dad both smile at me.  Mom gives me a hug and whispers in my ear:

"It changes nothing!"

She broke the hug and then started speaking in her normal tone of voice.

"We love you, Seth.  I've seen my family torn apart because of my brother's
sexuality.  I will not allow my family to be torn apart by yours."

Mom is tearing up.  I don't know if she is sad or happy.  Either way, if
she keeps this up, I'll be in tears.  I glance over at Dad and even he is
smiling.  Dad leans in and gives me yet another hug.

"Son, you'll always be able to call me `Dad', and you'll be welcome in our
home."

I feel so much better now.

I wonder what Mom is thinking right now.

"Do you have a boyfriend?"

She came right out and asked the big question.

"No, but I do want one someday."

Now she has a bit more of a concerned look on her face.  Dad, however,
seems a bit content.  Wait... are they happy that I'm alone?  I don't get
it.  If I go by Dad's reaction, I'd say that they expect me to stay single
for my entire life.  How could my parents want that for me?  Well, maybe I
am just jumping the gun a bit.  I should probably ask them about it.

"Would you still be okay with me if I decide to have a boyfriend?"

This is the first time, that I've seen them silent for any length of time
during our little conversation.  Wish they would say something.  Suddenly,
Dad spoke up:

"Seth, this is a touchy area.  We don't want you to ever feel slighted.  As
your parents, we would hope that you will find a young lady to take to the
temple, but at the same time, we want you to be happy.  I guess all we can
ask is that you be careful.  We don't' want you hurt!"

Don't know what to think, Mom and Dad caught me by surprise.  I figured
that they would tell me that if I got a boyfriend, that I would be
alienated from the family.  Wait, what about church?

Church is the one object in our lives that Mom and Dad refuse to budge on.
They insisted on us following the word of wisdom.  We had to attend
seminary in the morning.  Even though I really didn't want to attend at
first, I found myself sort of enjoying it.  I know the doctrine when it
comes to marriage.  I also know what the leaders have said about
homosexuality.  I just wonder how my fellow ward members will react to my
coming out.  Think it will prove most interesting.  I just don't want to
lose any of their friendships.

"Dad, what about church?"

He was quiet again.  His eyes looked at the floor for the first time since
he came up here.  Slowly, he raised his head and looked me right in the
eyes.

"Son, I can't bend doctrine, but as long as there are no transgressions,
you're fine."

Well, good to know where I stand.

"Okay!"

I really wasn't thinking of that angle.

"Dad, I was thinking more about how the members might react to me.  Do you
think the ward is ready for that?"

Mom's eyes can't hold back the worry growing in her heart.  Dad seemed to
be stuck in thought.

"Do you really need to come out at church?"

What?  I've been holding this in for forever and they want me to keep
locked away.  How do I even answer them?  There is no choice.  I've got to
be honest.  Mom and Dad would want me to be honest.

"Mom, I don't have to come out at church but..."

Dad interrupts me and looks at Mom.

"Dawn, he's right.  We shouldn't expect him to hide this.  Though, I don't
think he needs to flaunt it."

"But..." Mom started to say something, but stopped before the words left
her mouth.  Wonder what she was going to say?

"Mom, what were you going to say?"

"I'm just worried about how others will treat you once they find out."

This is when Dad's true colors were shown.

"He has us, he'll be fine!"

A small tear ran down my face when he said that.

"Thanks, Mom and Dad!  A son couldn't ask for better parents."

Turning around, I try to head downstairs so I can get something to snack
on.  But as I went for the door, Mom started talking to me.  I stopped and
turned back to look at my mom.

"Seth, I really think you need to tell Paul and Samantha.  You don't have
to tell Eric or Ryan right now, but eventually, you'll have too."

"Okay Mom!"

Dad looked at me with a very stern face.

"Be honest son!"

Right away, I knew that I had better follow through with my Mom and Dad's
wishes.  Now which sibling do I tell first?

As I left my room, I made sure to check both of their rooms.  I didn't see
Samantha in her room, but I did see Paul in his.  He's sitting at his
computer playing his adventure-based game.  He's not even paying attention
to what's going on around him.  His back is to me, so I tap him on the
shoulder.  Of course, he jumps half a mile into the air.

"Idiot, what do you want?"

Hmm... he seems to have a bit of an attitude, that's okay though, I
deserved it.

"Mom and Dad want me to talk to you."

He really gets into this game when he's playing.  Rarely does he turn
around when he responds to you.

"About?"

True to his habit, he stays glued to the computer screen.  I wonder if he
has any idea how frustrating it is to try to talk to someone when their
back is to you.  Wonder if this is how Mom and Dad feel when I do it to
them.

"Paul, would you please turn around? This is important."

I really feel horrid, because I know that this game takes a lot of
concentration in order to play it.  I think I spoke too soon, Paul's
character died.  My brother turned around with a very angry expression on
his face.

"Thanks a lot!"

Okay so I earned that one, too.

"Paul, I'm sorry.  It's just that Mom and Dad insisted that I talk to you."

He still looks pretty mad.

"Well, you might as well talk to me know.  I've had enough of the game for
one night."

I guess that means he's ready to listen.  Still, he might listen a little
bit better if he was calmer.

"Paul, I'm sorry about the game!"

He smiled:

"Relax dude, it's just a game.  I just hate dying."

Good now, I have Paul back on solid ground maybe I can get this out of me
without wasting too much of his time.

"I'm not sure how to tell this exactly."

How do you tell your brother that you're gay?  Maybe the same way that I
told my parents, huh?

"Well, are you going to tell me or do I have to guess?" he said, as if the
wait was killing him or something.

"It might be easier if I did just let you guess."

His right hand tagged my left pec.

"Come on, spit it out!"

"Paul, this isn't easy for me.  I'm... I'm gay!"

Paul's face didn't change at all.  In fact, there was no look of shock or
surprise on his face.  Maybe he's thinking it over.

"Seth, I'm not one bit shocked. I've seen you giving Scottie some weird
looks every now and then."

Without warning a feeling of regret washed over me.  Not sure where it came
from, but I need to address it.

"Are you disappointed in me?"

I'm not feeling one bit confident in myself or this situation.  Paul has
always looked up to me.  I don't want to let him down.

"Nah, you've always been someone that I can look up to. Just like you've
always been gay.  Besides, you're my bro!"

Again, his right hand tagged my left pec.  This is why I love my family.
We really do love each other.

"So are you going to tell Scottie?"

I don't know how many times I've thought about telling Scottie about me,
but it just never feels right.

"I take it that you're not going to tell him."

"Paul, I want to tell him, but I don't think it's a good idea.  I wouldn't
want him angry at me."

Paul smiled and laughed:

"Oh come on, you can take Scottie!"

The very thought of fighting with Scottie doesn't exactly feel right to me.

"I wouldn't want to find out who would win that fight."

Suddenly, Paul got serious.

"So are Mom and Dad okay with all of this?" he asked and then went quiet.

"Yeah, they actually surprised me."

He just nodded and then gave me another surprise to go with this evening of
surprises.

"Hey, just so you know, Samantha already knows."

"Huh?"

Did I hear him right?  My sister knows that I'm gay?  Wonder how she
figured that one out.

"She mentioned it to me a couple weeks ago.  Guess I kind of dismissed it
until now."

I can't believe this, is everyone in this family afraid to speak to me.

"What is it about this family?"

Paul looked up at me a little confused.

"What do you mean by that?"

"Mom and Dad said that they knew for some time."

His face didn't look one bit accepting of my answer, which really wasn't
much of an answer.  I'm still trying to give him a reply that will sound
half way intelligent.  Come to think about it, why is Paul even worried.

"I just don't understand why no one has come to me about my sexuality.  It
would have been so much easier on me if they just spoke up."

Paul was about to blow me out of the water.

"Okay, suppose you weren't gay, and we came up to you and asked if you were
gay.  Would you be mad?"

"But I'm gay so your question doesn't matter."

"Look just drop it, there is no sense in getting upset about it."

Another thing that Paul is really good at is Peace Keeping.  I've never
known him to back down from a fight if pushed, but he'll usually take the
peaceful way if possible.  We stood up and gave each other hugs.

"I love you, bro," I said to him as we broke apart.

"Back at you, dude!"

Now, I need to find my sister.  I turned and walked out of Paul's room.

It's time to tell Samantha.  Why are Mom and Dad making me do this?  I
suppose that Paul and Samantha have a right to know.  Paul was fairly easy
to tell.  Wonder if Samantha will be this easy to tell?  Why am I so
worried all over again about telling someone?  Samantha has been difficult
to talk to lately.  She isn't depressed or anything, just really, really
busy.  Mom and Dad want me to talk to her.  Guess I need to find her.

I can't put this off any more.  Walking down to her room, I peek inside,
only to find that she's not in there.  On the way back down the hallway, I
see her duck into my room.  I ran back to my room eager to finish this
assignment from my parents.  I walked into my room and there she was.
Samantha looked at me and immediately started talking to me.

"I already know what you're going to say."

"Really, how do you know that?"

I already knew that she knows about me, thanks to Paul.

"Well I don't know, I just do, but then this morning I heard Mom talking to
someone."

"So you overheard Mom talking to Uncle Tim?"

"Who?"

Oh... she's never heard of Uncle Tim.  I doubt that even Paul knows about
him.

"Are you going to tell me who this Uncle Tim is?"

"Uncle Tim is Mom's brother.  He was kicked out of the family when he was a
teen by Grandma and Grandpa Walker.  Mom didn't even know where he lived.
I called him..."

She suddenly interrupted me.

"So why did you contact him?"

"Needed to talk to someone who could understand where I was coming from. I
overheard Mom and Dad talking about Uncle Tim, but I didn't know anything
about him.  I hopped onto their computer and looked up information on him.
All I could find out was the town and city where he lived.  I looked up his
number on one of those telephone directory sites.  Immediately, I called
him and got no answer."

I could see the sorrowful look on her face.

"Later that day when I called, I was able to talk to Uncle Tim.  He told me
the whole story of how he was kicked out of the house.  In one phone call,
I got more hope for my future than I have at any other time in my life.
Words can't describe how I felt.  Wow... sorry, didn't mean to get all
flowery."

She looked at me and smiled.  I wondered if that smile meant that she was,
indeed, okay with me.

"So are you okay with all of this?"

She nodded her head `yes'.

"Ummm... Yeah!" she said, as she kept right on smiling.

"Cool!"

I couldn't have been happier.  Everyone in my family seemed to be okay with
me.  The only trouble that I had during my coming out process was the
church was brought into the equation.  Not too bad, a lot better than I
thought it might be.

"Seth, just promise me that you'll let me know when you get your first
boyfriend."

"Why?"

I don't understand why she would want me to agree with something like that.

"Because, I want to tell him how great and perfect you are."

Deep inside of me, I felt such a love for my sister.  I was beyond happy at
the moment.

"Ahh!" was all I could say at that point.  It made me wonder if she had
anyone lined up for me.  Who am I to deny my sister the opportunity to hook
me up with someone?

"So do you have anyone in mind?"

She frowned at my question.

"No, sorry!  You'll have to find him yourself.  So, do you promise me?"

"Okay, okay, I promise."

She gave me a hug and then said:

"I hope someone will make you the happiest guy in the world"

"Thanks, Samantha!"

At this point, I gave her a great big hug.  She would never admit it, but I
think my hugs scared her.  I think she was afraid of being broken.  I left
Samantha and headed back to my room.

When I got to my room, I pulled out my journal and started to write:

"Dear Journal,

It's March 14th, 2009.  Something wonderful has happened today.  I came out
to my entire family; Mom and Dad first, than my younger brother Paul, and
then my younger sister Samantha.  I truly love my family even more now than
I did before, if that is even possible.  The future seems a little
brighter.  Still, I do not know what to think of what role the church will
play as I move along in this journey that is my life."

I lifted my pen from my journal and put it away, back in its place along my
bed. All this tugging at my heart has worn me out. I think that I'll lay
down for awhile.  Do I deserve it?  Yeah, I think that I've earned a little
rest.