This is a fictional story dealing with love and consensual sexual activities between males. If you are not of legal age, reside in an area where viewing such material is illegal, or are offended by homosexuality and/or homosexual themes leave this site now.
The author retains all rights to this story. No reproductions or links to other sites are allowed without the permission of the author.
This is the back story of a screenplay I am currently writing and I thought this would be a good way to get some feedback. I have never written a story for nifty before so feedback would be great. I am also looking for a new editor if anyone is interested.
Please send all feedback to achangeofheartsseries@hotmail.com.
And how about a donation for Nifty eh?
Thanks and Enjoy!
Josh x
Previously...
Sean
The feelings that pass through me as I listen to that pathetic man are so strong they are dizzying. First is absolute shock at the way he treated Adam for something he can't decide and then absolute seething anger when he reveals he's the reason Adam is in this mess in the first place. It takes everything I have not to jump up and kill that man where he stands. Luckily Christian messes him up enough for the both of us.
As he leaves the waiting room I contemplate following him out and dealing with him. But my desire to be as close to Adam as possible makes me leave him and I quickly decide I'll bide my time. I do hope his wife follows through on chucking him out though. All of a sudden I'm tired and I feel myself dozing, giving myself a rest from the overbearing emotions of the day.
I quickly settle to sleep dreaming of nothing other than my brown eyed boy.
A Change Of Hearts
Chapter 4
Sean
I slept for around 6 hours and woke up suddenly for a moment forgetting where I had been and what happened. I had a blissful dream of me and Adam having a picnic, laughing and joking with each other, loving each other. When I woke, cruelly being dragged into reality I notice a doctor entering the room. Marissa and Christian launch out of their seats feverishly impatient for some news on Adam. I try to listen inconspicuously.
"Marissa, the operation was a success. We managed to fix the internal bleeding and fix the collapsed lung, we managed to fix the tear in his heart and we have removed the spleen. He will be in a great deal of pain for a while as we found he also broke six of his ribs. He is being taken up to ICU for the time being and the next 24hours are crucial. We have put him in a medically induced coma for the time being to help him with the pain. We will bring him out of this within the next couple of days depending on his progress" The doctor reels off this information with hope in his eyes, giving Marissa a squeeze of the shoulder before leaving the room exhausted.
It takes everything inside of me not to jump for joy, not to scream and shout with relief. Adam will be ok and I will have my chance to tell him how I feel. But I really need to work out how I feel. I mean I stayed here for all of this time so it must be something real right? The problem is I can never remember feeling this way about anyone before I met Adam. In school I had boyfriends and when I was with them I thought I was in love. But this is something that completely blows all of that out of the water.
Ever since I was younger affection has been something that I crave, and with that affection control. My parents have always been workaholics and haven't really had time for me. I was basically raised by the caretaker. Whenever I broached this subject with them they would try to change the subject or remark that it's for my future. Up until I came out to them I thought this was true. But after seeing their reactions I realised I was never really wanted by them. I am the mistake of their lives. After I realised this I stopped craving affection from them and went from person to person hoping they can give me what I need.
But no one was ever able to cope with the way I am. I realise fully I am a control freak; I like things to be planned out for them to go to plan. I like the people I am with to behave a certain way and in return I want to give them the world. I don't really see this as a problem, but time and time again when the relationship comes to an end the same excuse is given. You're too controlling, you're suffocating me, I need space, I need to think. I don't see it as a problem on my behalf, just incompatibility.
But with Adam things are different. There is a burning need inside of me to have his affection and to possess him, to claim him as mine and only mine. And a need to protect him from his father and anybody else that dares to harm a perfect hair on his head. All of these feelings are equally as strong and they confuse me and scare me at the same time. I really feel that I could lose myself with him and find myself at the same time. But I worry and have to ask myself, will losing myself with Adam make me stronger or destroy me completely?
Marissa
As the doctor tells me that Adam made it through surgery relief rushes over me and I feel myself relax just a little bit. These last six hours have been trying, aside from Adam Christian has been almost inconsolable since his father's revelation about his part in Adams accident. My feelings on the subject can only be described as potent undiluted white hot rage.
The thought that he is in any way responsible for hurting my baby makes me lose control. When I married him 28 years ago I thought everything would have been perfect. Back then Daniel was loving, caring and a gentleman. In many ways he was very easy man too love. He was quiet but spoke his mind and he was easily pleased with a four pack and the latest football game.
When Christian was born he was the perfect doting father, always getting up for the late night feedings, rushing in from work early just so he can have a cuddle before he went to bed. But everything changed when I got pregnant for the second time. I had a baby girl Katherine and she was beautiful. Again Daniel doted on her but never let Christian feel left out in any way. She was beautiful, always had a little smile playing on her lips, some of the nurses use to joke she came out of the womb smiling.
2 weeks after she was born Daniel persuaded me to go out. He had brought me a new dress, paid for me to have my hair done and everything was perfect. The one thing I wasn't happy with was his brother looking after the children. Daniel had spent all day trying to find another babysitter, and this was the last resort. It's not that I didn't like him, I just didn't trust him. Trevor was always in and out of trouble and he drank a lot. But He promised us this night that he wouldn't drink anything at all, and Daniel and I gave him the benefit of the doubt.
We had a perfect evening, and it was just what I needed. When we arrived home, the telly was on loudly and Christian was howling upstairs. Daniel ran up the stairs and I went to switch the telly off. True to form, Trevor had fallen asleep drunk and I was livid. I switched off the telly and screamed for him to get up and get out of my house. His eyes flew open and he jumped up starting to clean up apologising repeatedly.
Suddenly Daniel started screaming my name from upstairs sobbing between gasping breaths. He came barrelling down the stairs with Katherine in his arms.
"She's not breathing! She's not breathing! Oh my god she's so cold! Marissa what do I do!?!" In an instant all of my training flew out of the window and I scream reaching for my baby. One look at her and one touch of her skin I knew it was too late, but I didn't wanna believe it. Trevor ran for the phone calling an ambulance and grabbing Christian, who is still crying, frightened by the anguish around him.
Moments later the paramedics arrive, and whisk her away trying to revive her to no avail. 12.49 AM time of death. I scream clutching at Daniel who is crying also and before I realise what I'm doing I'm screaming at Trevor.
"What did you do? What did you do? You killed my baby! You killed my fucking baby! All you had to do for one night is not get drunk and watch my children and now... now... Oh god" I scream almost incoherently. I run from the house still screaming but desperate not to see her lifeless body, deceiving me, looking like she's sleeping peacefully. The next week after is a blur of inquests, funeral arrangements, the funeral and looking after Christian.
All through this me and Daniel drift further and further apart lost in our own grief. And even though I know it was nobody's fault, having it confirmed it was Sudden Infant Death Syndrome, a small part of me blamed and still does blame Daniel for her death. It's irrational and selfish even but it's how I feel. If he had never persuaded me to go out that day and leave that man with my baby maybe I could have prevented her death. It's stupid to think it but that's how I feel.
About a month after the funeral Daniel makes me face those feelings. We end up in a screaming match and before either of us can think were tearing each other's clothes off, yearning to heal. All through it were hoping we can makes things go back to normal and they did for a while. Our night of indiscretion created Adam, and even though I was beside myself with worry I chose to keep him. Daniel was never happy with my decision but we got through things. And Daniel was a good father but not with all the extra doting he gave to Christian or Katherine while she was alive.
This situation is completely different but I can't squash the feeling that he has put my child in danger again, because of his own issues and it breaks my heart. I will not lose my baby again.
Adam
Beep... Beep... Beep... Is that my alarm clock I wonder? I feel light, too light like I'm floating in some sort of endless sea. I am aware of a dull ache in my chest. I attempt to reach over to rub where the ache is but I can't move. Again that annoying beep sound is going, I struggle again to move to try and switch it off but I still can't. I start to panic. Where am I? What happened? Why can't I move? The ache is getting stronger in my chest making me panic even more.
What is that ache? What happened to me? Suddenly it all comes rushing back at me. The car, the argument with Dad, him calling me, the accident. The ache is getting stronger. No it's too much it couldn't have happened to me? Surely it could not have happened to me. The ache turns to a searing pain and I start to breathe faster.
No stop! Stop make the pain go away. I can't do it. It's too much! Suddenly I want my mum, I want her to hug me and tell me it's ok. The pain keeps escalating and I struggle to opens my eyes, to see what's doing this to me. It feels like I'm on fire all of a sudden. The pain reaches its peak and I'm screaming and writhing on the bed. I can't do it. MAKE IT STOP! PLEASE MAKE IT STOP! I can hear muffled voices and crying but I can't see the pain is blinding. Slowly I start to feel it decrease and my body goes numb.. Slowly dragging me back into the abyss.
Christian
They bought Adam out of his coma today. I had to take myself out of the room as he lay there writhing and screaming in pain. Ever since this boy came into this world I can't stand to see him in any kind of pain or upset in anyway. It's caused plenty of arguments with my Dad as he seems to enjoy making him feel like shit.
I'm at a total loss for words after hearing my dad's revelation, completely numb. The rational part of me knows it wasn't really his fault what happened was an accident, but I can't shake the thought that if he would have never argued with Adam about something as stupid as fishing, we wouldn't be sat here today. Dad has always had a problem with Adam, blaming him for whatever problems arose. I could break something but somehow it would be Adam's fault and I've never understood it.
Adam coming out as gay just fuelled the whole situation. As far as I am concerned who Adam loves has nothing to do with me. There was a time when I thought I was gay and I dabbled in it, but it just wasn't for me, but you know each to their own and all that. Finally I hear Adam quiet down and I go back into the room apprehensively. Mum has clearly been crying but she is trying really hard not to show it. Adam is still laid there murmuring softly in his sleep his face twisted with pain.
I can't believe so much has happened! Oh god what are we going to do?
Adam
I feel the dull ache again as I slowly regain consciousness. I hear doctors taking notes on my condition and discussing me with my Mum. All of it is 100% clear now I remember everything and I know what happened to me. The doctors say I'm getting better and I know I am because I can feel the pain subsiding every time I wake up, not gone just bearable.
"So Mark level with me are we out of the woods now?" My mother whispers while holding my hand.
"Yes we are. We are not holding him in the coma anymore and he wakes up briefly. The morphine will be what's tiring him out and soon we will take him off that and replace it with other meds. His ribs have healed nicely over the last two weeks and he should be fine" Mark tells her quietly.
Two weeks? I have missed two weeks of my life? Whoa! It still feels so fresh, feels like it only happened just yesterday. I remember bits and pieces of voices, Christian's, the doctors, Mum... I haven't heard Dad, though another voice I can't quite place. Singing softly a melody I remember but again can't place. I hear the doctors and my mum leave the room and I open my eyes squinting at the harsh light coming through my blinds. I look around the room. I'm in a single room not much bigger than the room I have at home. There are cards and balloons all over the place in all different colours. I try to focus harder on the voice I can't place and fall asleep thinking of the melody it was singing. When I wake later my heart jumps into my mouth.
Sean
Adam has been out of his coma for the last week, why has he not been waking up? What has he not moved? The whole situation is beyond frustrating for me, I have absolutely no Idea what the hell is going on and I don't like it. I have been sneaking in here every day when his mother and brother are not around, holding his hand, watching him and humming softly. Oh why won't you wake up? I am DYING to see your eyes, to hear your voice, to smell your sweet breath. In a last ditch attempt to wake him up I being to speak.
"Adam, I don't know if you can hear me, in fact I hope you can't hear me because of what I'm about to say. You see ever since I was a young man I made a wish. And in this wish I asked for someone who would love me deeply and in turn someone for me to love deeply. And I think God finally answered that wish for me when you came to my office to audition. When you opened your mouth and the talent poured out of you I was mesmerised, and I have stayed mesmerised since that day to this. I have never been someone who can share his emotions freely and easily but for you I would do anything. The sunrises when I see you Adam and it sets when I don't, and when you're gone I crave your sun again to warm me and make me feel real and normal again. I don't know if it's love, or infatuation, or lust but I am asking, no demanding you wake up so we can decide together. Please Adam come back to me".
I look up and he hasn't moved an inch and my heart plummets. But at the same time it feels like by telling him I have lifted a weight off me, and even though I'll want him forever it kind of helps me to move on from him. I mean who am I kidding? I could never wear my heart on my sleeve like that EVER, and I am his teacher and that is how it's going stay.
I walk out of the door fully ready to let him go.
Adam
OH MY FUCKING HELL!!!!! Did he really just say all that? Did he really just say he feels the same way about me, as I do about him? I am left reeling as Sean leaves the room quietly in an attempt not to wake me up. I can't believe it! I have wanted this man since the first time I laid eyes on him and to find he has felt the same is completely mind boggling to me.
I open my eyes and just stare around the room not knowing what to do with this information. I mean he is my teacher, and I don't want him to lose his job. But I'm an Adult surely things must be different when it's college right? Aw who the hell am I fooling? This can't happen. But maybe if we can find a way around it my subconscious shouts giddy at the prospect of getting what we want.
Before I can make a decision Christian comes into the room and almost faints when he sees me awake.
"Adam! Oh my God are you ok? Do you need anything?" he shouts running towards the bed.
"I'm ok. Sore. Can I have some water please?" I squeak through my raspy voice.
"Sure! I'll get mum!" He calls out as he races out of the room.
I settle down again and then I'm reminded of what just happened. Sit Sean was here! Oh shit I must look a mess. A moment later my mother runs into the room with another Doctor.
"Oh honey you're ok? How are you feeling? I was so worried about you! Are you in a lot of pain?" She rambles out.
"I'm fine just a little sore and thirsty" I rasp out.
"Well Christian has gone to get you a drink. I will be right back" she says noticing something out of the corner of her eye. She turns on her heel and marches purposefully out of the room.
The doctor proceeds to examine me prodding me while my mind still reels from what I heard. I have to speak to him now!
Marissa
I hurry down the corridor trying to catch up with the gentleman I saw outside of Adam's room. He has been here every day watching and waiting but because we have been so stressed it never occurred to me until today. I spoke to paramedics today and found out he was in the ambulance with Adam when he came in as well. Just who the hell is this man? I manage to corner him as he comes out of the toilet.
"Excuse me I don't mean to be rude, but who are you?" I ask standing my ground. He looks at me shocked and confused before relaxing and looking me square in the eyes.
"My name is Sean Clearwater one of my students is in the hospital and I was just checking up on him" he replies as nonchalantly as possible.
"Does your student happen to be Adam Mason by any chance?" I ask quickly losing my patience.
"Yes he is. And you are his mother we met at his audition. I'm sorry I never formally introduce myself but you just seemed so stressed. Don't worry I won't be back after today" he replies steely. This guy is really starting to piss me off!
"I would appreciate that Mr. Clearwater. I will let you know when Adam will be returning to class". I snap before turning on my heel and storming away, leaving him looking shocked. Who the fuck does this guy think he is!?!
Adam
When the doctor is finished prodding and poking me I quickly tell Christian about what happened with Sean. He takes it exactly the way I thought he would with complete ease and definite amusement. I send him off with strict instructions to find Sean and he leaves hastily... I LOVE MY BIG BROTHER!! He has never judged me in anything I do and he's always there to stand up for me!
When my door opens around 5 minutes later I wait with baited breath. To my strong disappointment my father walks through the door.
Daniel
For the last two weeks I have been staying at a hotel wracking my brains for anyway to make things better. Marissa and Christian have had no contact with me and I've had to sneak into here today, she had me banned from seeing Adam. I understand she's angry with me but I won't let her stop me from seeing my son. And anyway I am convinced that the only way to fix things is to fix them with him first. I want my family back.
His look of apprehension when I first open the door turns to disgust as he realises it's me. God that hurts. I had braced myself for a fight but having him look at me like that turns me cold.
"Hey big guy! You're awake! How are you feeling?" I say with as much enthusiasm as I can muster. He just looks at me impassively as if I don't exist. I hand him the card I bought him which he places on his bedside table without a word.
"I know you're angry with me. I know you all are. But I came here today to fix everything, and to tell you how sorry I am. I never in my dreams thought anything like this would happen to you. And I wish to God that I could turn time back and I would have let you cool down and never have called you. It's been hard for me to deal with everything since you came out to me. I didn't know how to deal with everything; I certainly didn't know how to deal with you. I know I have caused you a lot of stress and upset with the way I've behaved. And I know I should have been a better father and coped with it better. But you see that's the thing about having children. You make mistakes, lots of them and you just have to hope that one day your kids will forgive you. I'm banking on that now. Please forgive me".
By the time I finish speaking I'm crying softly and just hoping that they will all give me another chance. Adam beckon towards the bed and I go to him.
"I don't want anything to do with you. You make me sick. Drop dead" He whispers deadly quiet.
I recoil back from him shocked with his reply. Pain rips through me as I stagger away from the bed broken. I turn to see my wife looking at me with tears in her eyes hand covering her mouth with shock and Christian with a steely resolve on his face.
"Dad I think that you should leave now, Adam just woke up he needs his rest" He whispers pain evident behind his eyes which are slowly filling with tears. I drop my head and leave the room. I make it out of the hospital and to my car before I really breakdown sobs wracking my whole body. I wrap my arms around myself trying to hold myself together. The door opens and closes and I look to the left so see my wife there.
Adam
I am livid after my Dad leaves. How can he think sorry would fix it all? I blink back the tears as my mother leaves the room and Christian leaves quickly returning with Sean. All the pain drifts away as he walks into the room looking apprehensive and uncomfortable. God he is beautiful. I struggle to remember what I had to talk to him about as the hazy fog settles, as it normally does when I am around him. We settle down and I begin talking to him about what I heard earlier. Sean regards me with utter shock as I relive everything that happened. I finally give in for a breather and allow him time to speak. And for the second time today I am left floored, shocked and unexpectedly completely broken.
AUTHORS NOTE:
Well this is the fourth chapter of the story and there have been some serious revelations from the characters. I hope this answers most of the questions that were brought up from the first 3 chapters and you have more of a view of who the characters are. YAY! Adam's ok but I guess you lot realised he would be LOL! What do you think about what Sean said to Adam? And what do you think about Marissa's revelation of her daughter Katherine? And what about Adam's reaction to Daniel? Do you think Daniel and Marissa are on the road to recovery? And do you think Adam and Daniel will make up? And Last question why would Adam be completely crushed after talking with Sean?
I also need to apologise for putting the wrong email at the bottom here for the last two chapters Sorry! Sometimes I autopilot write things like emails and don't notice. So if you have sent emails but have had no reply let me clarify the email is achangeofheartsseries@hotmail.com NOT .co.uk!
Please send me feedback and questions its lovely to hear from readers! And can I give a big shout out to Jack, Larry and Bobby for feedback and enthusiasm over the story! Chapter five should be out over the weekend or early next week!
Much Love!
Josh J x