Amor y Amigo  
Friend and Lover     

1995: The Consummation

Saturday, 11th November 1995, a date that I'll always remember. It was the day that my life changed forever, the day I finally succeeded in consigning my past to the dustbin of history where it had always belonged...

Over the past five months that we had been friends, I had used and exhausted all excuses and on that day he refused to listen to any reason. It was late evening and we had been together the whole day. Having met around noon, we had a quick lunch before he took me to see the latest movie. And then he wanted to do some shopping, music and books he said...

And as we entered the music store he turned to me, "Help me!"

"But I don't know your taste," I protested.

"I'm not exactly deep into music," he shrugged, "just like to listen while I'm doing something... studying... whatever's handy, mostly hip-hop and popular Bollywood numbers. So, tell me what you like and I'll try them out!"

"Would you really enjoy country and classical?"

"Sure," he grinned, "but don't make me buy something you already have, I don't want the same CD in both our collection!"

I nodded...

He was like a child in a candy store, asking me which album was good... and just picking them up!

"That will take ages..." I commented, seeing the number of CDs he'd picked up.

"Hah, who's in a rush anyways!"

And then it was the turn for books...

"Will you really read all that?" I asked as he picked up titles on wildlife and nature, photography and travel.

"I keep asking you, telling you I want to know you," he explained, "but you continue to maintain that misty air around you, mysterious and secretive. So, how to know you better? Read about your passions, and try to understand you... maybe then I'll be able to reach in... reach you!"

I shook my head, laughing.

"But yes, stop me if the book isn't worth it, or if you already have it!" he added, picking up two more title.

"If you really want to know about the subject, how does it matter whether I have it or not, huh?"

He turned around, grinning, "What I don't buy is what I plan to borrow from you, and can you imagine all the possibilities that simple logic has?!"

"Ankur, you ARE crazy!"

He snickered, winking at me.

"And what about your studies?" I asked, trying to count the number of books he'd already picked up.

"What about them?"

"Well, if you plan to put in all that effort and read all those books, just to know me..." I said, "when will you study?"

He spun around, the look incredulous, "What do you take me for, huh? You think I'm dense?!"

"Um, no not dumb," I quickly allayed, "but, like, all those books will take..."

"Hah, have you ever heard of something called, 'multitasking'? Well, I can read these, and study too!" he cut in with a 'so-there' look.

I nodded, removing two titles that I already had.

"Well, seems like you're a very rich man today," I commented as we walked out to the car, loaded down with the books, "and in the mood to splurge, eh?"

"Yup!" he exclaimed joyfully. "Mom's been exceedingly generous, and a very substantial amount too," he informed, dropping his voice to a whisper, as if divulging a state secret, "said I could indulge!"

"Aha, something special?" I enquired as we got into the car.

"Well, nothing special really... OK, maybe..." he replied, suddenly evasive, trying to sound secretive.

"I get to know about it?"

"Um... let's see," he chaffed, dumping the shopping bags in the back seat, "depends..."

"On what?"

"Why, on you!"


"Yes..." he said and then changing the subject added, "Let's eat, I'm hungry."

He insisted on treating me to dinner and took me to his favourite joint, a new Thai affair.

"Ankur, the lunch and movie were on you," I said as we sat down, "but dinner, I must insist on paying..."

"Darsh, I'm not always this magnanimous," he stated, trying to look all grown up and stern, "besides, I'm in a very good mood today, so, don't contradict me!"

I laughed, but he pointed a threatening finger, wagging it, "Okay..." I nodded. "But please, what is this special occasion that's caused this great magnanimity?"

But he remained silent.

"C'mon, Ankur, don't I get to share in the cause of your 'good-mood', huh?"

"All in its own good time my dear Darsh!"

** ** ** **

"Now," he said as we walked out of the restaurant, "take me home..."

I stared back at him, taken aback.

"Just imagine," he said, brows knit in mock consternation, "we've known each other for nearly five months now, and you still refuse to even show me where you live! Besides, you wanted to know, right, the reason of my good mood, eh?"

"Um, I'll take you someday, but..." I started to say.

"Someday?" he cut in, throwing his hands up as he stomped around, "And pray, when will that 'someday' finally dawn? NO, it's today, or never!" and he just stood there, in the middle of the parking lot, pouting!

"OK," I shrugged. Finally relenting... tired and in no mood to argue.

He instantly grinned, a big, happy smile; his eyes twinkling, and for a moment I thought he would hug me again...

** ** ** **

I opened the door and held it for him...

He entered and looked around, letting out a whistle as I flipped the light switch.

"Wow..." he exclaimed seeing my living room... a functional bachelor's pad, furnished with the bare essentials, yet warm and comfortable.

And as I closed the door and turned back I saw him looking at me... "These are for you," he said pointing to the bags of books and music that he had dumped on the table.

"For me?" I asked, totally astonished.

He nodded, grinning

"But why?" still surprised.

"Why, can't I just give you something?" he asked in turn. "I did think of jewellery, though I've never seen you wear any, and then decided that you'd probably never accept it... besides, you love to read and you like music... I could think of nothing else."

"God, Ankur, no, I can't accept them!"

"I want to give you, Darsh, will you deny me that pleasure?"

"Don't say it that way, please, besides, that money was meant for you."

"Mom said I could do whatever I wanted; to spend it for myself... and I did just that, you are a part of me, Darsh..."

"Don't love me so much Ankur, it hurts..."

"But how can I stop loving you Darsh? And can't I take some of that hurt away... help in lessening it a bit, huh?"

"Ankur... don't waste your time on me, you can have the best..." I started to say

"But, I already have the very best!" he cut in, not letting me finish.

I just stood, unable to answer, to react... I loved him even more at that moment.

"It's my 19th birthday today," he continued with a sudden grin, "and I wanted to give you something, Darsh. For the lovely time that you have given me this past five months, and for letting me love you... please don't refuse me today."

"Your birthday... why, you never told me!"

He smiled, shrugging... moving a step closer.

"Well, Happy Birthday, Ankur."

"Can I ask for something, for my birthday?"

"Sure, anything..." I replied, "Whatever you want!"

"I want you..." he said, his eyes searching my face, the look imploring.

I groaned silently... 'God, please don't do this to me...'

I liked Ankur... No, I loved him - the very first, and only person I had ever loved, had ever wanted... But scared to acknowledge it... afraid to even touch him. Terrified that then he too would be taken away from me... Destroyed, so that I could never love him again... NO!

The past... the past... Oh, it would never leave me...

"Please?" he pleaded, his hands taking mine as he moved in closer.

I quickly shut my eyes, shutting in the tears that suddenly threatened to flow... feeling his hands move up, over my arms and then higher, pulling me to him, embracing me...

I shuddered... and almost unconsciously, my arms too rose, wrapping around him, clinging to him in sheer desperation... in fear... Feeling his firm, young body against mine... warm and reassuring...

Finally surrendering...

He took my chin between his forefinger and thumb, tilting my face up. I felt his warm breath wash over my visage... and then the soft touch of his moist lips...

I gasped, my mouth opening in response to his tongue flicking over my lips... for the first time in my life being kissed by a man, kissing back... feeling him shudder, as he moaned... Sensing his aroused sex pressed against me... becoming aware of my own fierce rigidity.

to be continued...      

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