Date: Wed, 2 Feb 2000 19:43:56 -0800 (PST)
From: Kenny Chen <kenny7299@yahoo.com>
Subject: Sweet Memoir of a Fateful Relationship, part 1

This is a true story that happened to me.  I have changed the names. All
incidents and places are still the same. This story involves a relationship
between two males. You have been warned.

Sweet Memoir of a Fateful Relationship. Part 2

I was awaken by the gentle touch of my neighbor. She could not stand me.

"I am sorry but you seem to be crying a lot in your sleep"

"Oh really? I am sorry. It's just I am leaving my ummm... my.. girlfriend
behind."

"Oh, poor you. Don't worry. You will meet her again soon, right"

"Uhmm... Right, eh... maybe. I hope so."

"Is there anything wrong? Are you ok?"

"Yeah, I'll be fine." Trying to show that I was not a whiny guy. I had to
be strong. I had been strong all of my lives. Life to me had not been
easy. And I had been trained to be a strong guy until I met him. He had
taken all of my life source away. His body scent. His charming smile. His
caring personality. His total and fullness of his being was just totally
uncomparable.

"Well then. Take care ok?"

"Thank you, mam. You are so nice. I'll be fine, really."

The plane finally arrived in Houston. It's was already late. 11:45
p.m. Suddenly, my cell phone rang. It was him.

"How are you doing, kev?"

"I am fine, kent"

"So, how was your flight?"

"It wasn't so bad."

"I could not deny that I miss you so much."

"Same here, Kent. Very much."

"Ok, I gotta go back study, gotta catch up a lot of stuff. Talk to you
later, ok?"

"Sure. Take care ok?"

"Thanks"

A few days went by with more saddening moments. We were not as close as we
were before. This was because his relationship with Grace was getting more
intense. I would wait for his call to say goodnite every night, since we
had been doing that before. But his call didn't come since he didn't want
to wake me up coz it's getting to late. What he didn't know was that I was
still awaken anyway regardless the time he called. I would have my icq on,
just in case he got home and got online and checked his email, he could
still see me online to say goodnite. It didn't happened as much
anymore. And up to a point, it just didn't happen.

Suddenly, an email arrived. An email that I wished I had not opened it. But
my heart leaped with joy so high that I would never thought that email was
the end of everything. Everything that had his name attached to, was
supposed to be a happy thing to my little heart. Therefore, who would have
thought that he wanted us to be separated and to move on? That's what his
email said,"I think it would be best for all of us not to keep in touch
anymore. Though it is very hard for me to say this, but it's for the best
for all of us. I will always have you in a special part and place in my
heart."

That's it. That's the end of the relationship. However, it's not the end of
my feelings. I had to deal with this so bad. Two broken relationship in 3
months. I had finals coming up. I had to pass all of my classes. I could
not have any grades lower than B. I had all the works to be done. I had to
do this. I had to do that. I could not stand it. I thought I was going
nuts. I was totally depressed - burnt out.  I remembered my commitment, I
could do it. By the grace of God, I finished my semester with surprisingly
good grades. None below B. two of them in fact was A. I was pretty happy.

However, I was still depressed. I met a friend who later became my best
friend. He was a straight friend. He comforted me as if he were my little
brother. Well, indeed he was actually 8 years younger than I was. He
cheered me like how usual straight friends were. I was getting better.

I still remember my promise that I would not be in a relationship anymore
with any guys. I just fulfilled that. I never met any guys after that
point. I didn't want to get hurt for another time. I thought my heart was
already small enough. There was no more room for another hurt.

Girls were after me. All the gossips. All the recommendations. What the
heck with all of those. I was enjoying my single fighter. I made them all
envy. I kept close relationships with them, however, distant enough for
them to feel that they could not have me. It drove them nuts. They were all
confused. I was so close yet so far. I was so friendly yet untouchable. I
was so likeable yet so distant. At the end, they were all so frustrated
that they could not have me. All I could do was just smile. I had no any
intention to revenge on them based on what had happened to me. Not at
all. Besides I was just not such a person. The point was that I had no
intention to have any relationship with anyone period.

Then I moved to California in October 1999. Wow, such a drive. I drove
straight 23 hours from houston to LA without sleeping or taking a nap. That
was the longest, most boring drive I had ever had. Never would I ever want
to do it again. I took my car, Acura Legend, Red 4 door.

Suddenly, one night when I got online, I saw this nick, titanboy. My
goodness, my heart just leaped right there. After 2 1/2 years gone by, I
finally was able to meet him online like the first time we met back in
1997. That was just a total impossibility.

I screamed, "that cannot be him. Oh boy, It's him..... IT"S TOTALLY HIM."

My mind started to find a way to get in touch with him. Then I just pvt him
introducing him as if I were a new person.  Oh my gosh, I could finally
talk to him. Though not in person, I didn't mind at all. I didn't even
think I could handle myself if I met him in person anyway.

I made him puzzled about my being. I told him that I knew him, and he knew
me too. He guessed of me, but he was not sure either. Finally, I told him
that it was me. I offered my phone number so that we could talk on the
phone. I disconnected my modem right then, coz I wanted to hear his
long-awaited voice.

The phone never rang. I waited and waited. The more I waited the more my
body trembled. I told myself to be sober. I told myself to relax, take a
deep breath. I could not. My body was literally shaking. I could not stand
it anymore. I took a sleeping pill to help me go through the night. It
didn't help. I kept dozing off and waking up every 15-30 mins. Every time I
dozed off, I would dream of his presence in front of me, besides me,
hugging me, kissing me. Every time I woke up, I would fade away the dream,
telling myself it was just a fantasy. I looked at the clock, it has been 2
hrs. now it was 1:45 a.m. where could he be? My mind started playing
games. Maybe he searched down my phone number to get my home address, and
he would drive to my home. Would he do that? I didn't think so. He had a
boyfriend now.  I was no body. Anyway, finally I could not stand this any
longer, it's been almost 4 hours waiting, and it's already 3:45 a.m. I woke
up, and turned my monitor back on. I still saw his homepage. I emailed him
my phone number and office and sent him my latest picture taken back in
March.

He called me in the office in the middle of meeting. When I got that
message, I was very surprised. He did check his email. He did want to talk
to me. I called him back, but no avail. I got the voicemail. I left a
message. He did call back after several hours. I picked up the phone
accidentally, there he was. Oh my gawd. I was so happy to hear his voice
again. That same voice. That same softness. The soothing voice. This time,
it was real. Totally real ......



How do u like the story so far? Email me with comments. Kenny7299@yahoo.com
Thank you