This is a fictional story with fictional characters. Any resemblance to people living or dead is purely a coincidence.
Please do not distribute this story. But for 50 million US dollars, I will be more than willing to grant you the copyright. Anyone interested?
This story involves love and physical intimacy between two consenting adult men. If you do not want to read this or should not be reading this, please close the browser window and go back to the newspapers.
And finally to those who can and still want to read the story, I would like you to know that this is a story about relations and not about sex. So there will be very limited sexual acts and even when it occurs, there will be no graphic details about the act.
Enjoy the story. Thank you for reading.
First Love - Chapter 5
I realized I was holding me breath. My heart was racing and my face had gone pale, all in a matter of few seconds.
It was him.
I was happy. I was sad. I thought I wanted to hug him. I had so many questions for him. I wanted to ask him, right there, why he did not show up to our date. Of course I didn't. I had a feeling he recognized me. If he did, he was hiding it well from others. He took a couple of steps towards us.
"Hello David." He said with a weak smile, extending his hand.
"Hi" I said, almost only muttering and shaking his hand weakly.
"He is a little shy." Michael joked still holding me. Brian and Ken knew why.
We all sat down.
"Dr.Braun, Steven for you guys is one of my closest friends. We grew up together. He is doing his residency at Johns' Hopkins. Real smart." Mike announced to the group.
"Just like you. You two will get along really well." He said looking at me.
I smiled. I used it all the time when I did not know what to say. Worked well with most people, but it was too transparent for friends and family. Mike was getting close to me. Too close. He was beginning to see through me. He took my hand in his, as if to say, "Whatever it is you are having trouble with is going to be OK."
They all made little talk and I mostly kept quiet except when I answered a few questions directed at me. I am not really good at handling situations am I? And even if I was, this situation is just too complicated.
The second half of the game had begun. Steven, Mike, Ken and Ben were all big fans of the game. They got engrossed and I was saved for the time being.
"Honey, would you get me a beer." Mike requested as Brian and I moved into the dining.
"Sure." I had to pull myself together if I did not want this evening to turn into a disaster. Not just this evening. I might end up loosing Mike too. I returned to Brian in the dining, after I handed Mike the beer he asked for.
"Are you OK?" he was concerned.
"It's him eh?" he murmured trying to keep his voice down.
"You will handle it." He encouraged me. "Just a couple of hours. Then you can think things through. Ken and I are here, if you want us."
"I know. Thanks Brian."
Brian left to check on the turkey. I started laying the table for 6.
Mike came and hugged me from behind.
"I missed you so much. Can you believe it; we haven't met in more than a week." He said kissing my cheek. Oh how much I loved it.
He grabbed my arm and dragged me into Ken's bed room. He shut the door and I was now, standing between him and the wall. I lowered my face.
"Are you OK?" he asked pushing my chin up, so that he could look into my eyes.
I lowered my eyelids.
"What's wrong baby?"
"I love you Mike. I love you a lot." I hugged him real tight.
"I love you too." He hugged me back.
"If you wanna talk, I am here. You know that right?"
"Mike, could you stop by my place after dinner?"
"Sure. Why not!." He was being very helpful.
"Do you want to leave now?"
"No. I am OK now." I wished I were.
"C'mon lets get back to the living room before they break in on us." He said trying to lighten the moment.
I washed up in the attached bathroom and we both got out of Ken's bedroom. They all had gathered around the table for dinner.
"What were you two love birds doing inside? Playing doctor?" Ben joked.
Ken and Brian looked at each worried and concerned wondering what had happened inside between Mike and me.
Steven pretended to ignore the comment and looked away.
"Get your mind off the gutter, you sex starved barbarian." Mike shot back playfully.
"Why don't we all sit down for dinner?" Brian urged us.
We all sat down. We all waited until wine was poured into each of our glasses.
Ken started, "I am thankful for my friends, including the new ones I made this year." He said looking at Mike and Ben. "You guys make my life worth living." He patted Brian's shoulder and smiled. The tinge of pain was evident. Ken's parents had disowned him out after he came out to them.
Ben was next. "Thanks for the food, beer and football." Ben was his playful self.
Brian started by saying "I am thankful to you Kenny. You don't know how much you mean to me and how glad I still have you for a friend. If your friend's make your life worth living, you make my life worth living." He was holding Ken's hand firmly and was almost in tears when done. They would never tell me what happened between them and why they split. They were so good together. They still behave like couples, living in the same apartment and spending all the time with each other. It is something I left to time. I wait for them to come tell me whenever they are ready.
It was my turn. I actually had planned a big speech on Mike. Now I couldn't talk for two reasons. I did not remember a single word of it. Even if I did, I felt it would hurt Steven. I still had feelings toward this guy sitting next to my boy friend. I had no freaking idea if he even remembers me, much less like me. And here I was worrying that proclaiming my love for my boy friend would hurt his feelings. The heart sure has a mind of its own.
"I am thankful to my parents and all my friends." Huh? What a moron!
Mike was visibly disappointed. He pulled himself from the shock pretty quickly and took my hand in his hand. I looked at him.
"David, I have never been sad in my life. I have never been as happy as I have been for the last few months either. You make me happy. We are so different and yet sort of complete each other. I love every single moment I spend with you. I am thankful that you came into my life. I am thankful that you are sharing your love with me. I am not a poet. All I can say is that I love you, and I mean it from the bottom of my heart."
"Wow, dude. That's worthy enough to be a proposal-speech man. I didn't know you could fall in love." That was Ben.
Mike and I were looking into each other's eyes. Mike leaned in and kissed me gently. I stole a glace towards Steven. He looked away.
"To the love birds." Ben raised a toast. Everyone took a sip from their glasses.
Now everyone turned towards Steven. He looked a little nervous.
He started, "Ever since Mike picked me up from the airport yesterday, the only thing he has been talking about is David. I've never seen a guy so much in love ever before. David is a really lucky guy. I don't know David yet, but I am pretty sure, he feels the same way about Mike. It fills my heart to know that they found love in each other. I wish I could find someone like David." He raised the glass and looked at Mike, flashing his glance only for a fraction of a second at me.
"You will buddy." Mike gave Steven a hug. "If someone can fall in love with me, I don't see a reason why you can't find love."
Ben and Ken moved to the living room to watch the game while they ate. Steven excused himself too. It was clear that he was trying to stay away from me. Brian, Mike and I ate mostly quiet. I think each one of us had something to think about. I am sure as hell Steven was not actually watching the game.
We finished dinner and every one was filled. Most of us with thoughts actually. Ben was the first one who wanted to leave.
He stood up. "Guys, I had a wonderful time. Thanks for the hospitality. I should get going now."
He declined the offer to pack some leftovers for the next day. He shook hands with Brian, hugged Ken and left.
Mike looked at me. I looked into his eyes. He realized that I wanted to leave.
"Guys. I think we are gonna push off too, and I am going to steal my boy friend from you guys for the weekend." He said looking at Brian and Ken.
They both looked at me, as if asking, if that's what I wanted. I conveyed a `Yes' without even having to nod.
Ken said, "Boys, you sit here. We are going to pack some food for all of you. And I will not take no for answer." Ken tricked the two behind and took me and Brian into the kitchen. Brian packed a whole bunch of food for me, knowing very well that I am not going to be in the mood to cook. He could very well have been my mother. Well, he sort of is. To me and Ken.
Brian, Ken and I all had a long tight group hug, with both of them murmuring into my ears about thinking it through before I talked to Mike about anything at all.
"You heard what he said. That guy is so much in love with you. Don't break his heart. Steven will leave on Sunday. He will be gone from your life and everything will be normal. So think twice before you say or do anything." Ken advised.
"Honey. Just remember that you cannot take back a word. I suggest that you get a good night sleep before you do anything." Brian added.
May be he said that knowing that I was not going to have a good night and so will not get to the point of telling Mike about Steven. May be not. But I had already decided what to tell Mike and how I was going to tell him.
Mike and Steven had worked out a plan when we returned to the living room with the food packets. Steven, Mike and I would go to Mike's apartment in his truck, drop Steven off and then Mike and I would come back to my apartment. They had already called Ben and Randy to hang with Steven at least until Mike got back.
"Oh. I never realized that. We can do this later Mike. You should stay with Steven." I had to say that, at least for formality.
"No. I have to meet a few of my other friends too. David, you should be with Mike." Steven said looking at me.
He stressed the `You should be with Mike' part. I was starting to believe that Steven was giving me encoded messages. At dinner, he says, `I wish I could find someone like David' and now he says `You should stay with Mike.' I was confused. I decided to postpone analyzing his statements for later.
I don't know if Brian and Ken got anything out of it. Mike of course had no reason to read into Steven's words. To be frank, even I was not sure, if he was even trying to give me a hidden message. It looked like Mike's only goal for now was to get me back to my apartment as soon as possible. He could the feel the need in me to be alone with him.
"Sweetie. Do you want to leave your car here? You can ride with me and Steven in the truck." Mike knew it was not a good idea for me to drive. What a thoughtful boy friend!
"OK." I agreed and handed a spare key to Ken.
Steven shook hands with my friends. Mike and I hugged them both and we stepped out of the apartment.
Mike got into his truck leaving Steven and me to fit into the passenger side. Oh God. Sitting squeezed in with Steven for 20 minutes is going to do me a lot of a good. I got in first and then Steven. The seat was too small for two grown men to sit comfortably. It was going to be only for a few minutes. I closed my eyes. I tried to imagine myself somewhere else. Like a rain forest, under water, Kenyan plains, Saharan desert. No matter how much I tried and no matter where I imagined myself Steven was there. Sometimes Mike was there too.
"Sorry about that. The truck is not meant for three men." Mike apologized. He was so unattached to his material belongings. I have never ever heard him call it `my truck.' He only called people his own. Who ever said jocks are dumb and pretentious, never met Mike. I digress.
"We are alright." Steven dismissed it.
"Why don't we drop David home first?" My apartment was halfway in between.
"Sure." We both agreed.
Now I thought Mike did not want Steven to know that I was upset. It was unnecessary information for him, he thought. If only he knew half the story.
We stopped at my place and I got down. Shook hands with Steven and said a customary, "It was nice meeting you." Was it really? I waved a good-bye to Mike and they left.
I was so glad I was finally alone. I always have this problem where I cannot think clearly when I am in the middle of a problem. I am always like, let me take a warm shower and then think about it. Let me finish dinner and think about it. I know I was just trying to postpone things. It worked sometimes though and I always believed that I was always able to make better judgments when I reasoned something this way.
I thought I will have at least 30 minutes before Mike returns and that time was good enough for me to think things through. As I mentioned before, I had already decided that I was going to tell Mike about Steven, putting it in words is what I wanted to work on. Thirty minutes does not sound much, but considering the fact that I had worked it put in bits and pieces ever since I saw Steven this afternoon, I almost knew what I was going to say too.
There was a knock on the door. It was Mike.
"Ok, David, what's wrong?" he asked even before he entered into the apartment.
"Michael. Please sit down."
He sat down on the couch, never taking his eyes from my face.
"Michael. I can't beat around the bush with this. So I am going to tell you this straight out."
He couldn't have been more confused.
"I think I love Steven. I met him online like a year ago. We chatted and talked on the phone. I never met him in person though. It is strange, but I have not been able to get him out of my head. I feel like I am cheating on you." I hesitated.
I couldn't read from his face, what he was thinking. He kept quite allowing me to finish.
"I don't want to do this to you Mike. You don't deserve this. I don't deserve you. I was going to tell you about Steven on the day you cooked that lunch for us. But I was so confused. You are a great guy. You deserve to be happy, loved. And I don't think I can make you happy." I was rambling now, having forgotten all my speech that I had mentally prepared.
"So you don't love me?" he asked weakly.
"Oh No. I love you. I love you a lot. I couldn't love you more. That's why I can't even stand the thought of thinking about Steven when I am with you. It is adultery."
"Does Steven love you?"
"I am not sure."
"Does Steven know that you love him?"
"I am not sure."
"Oh David. I have never seen anyone so innocent in my life."
"I am not innocent. I am just plain stupid."
"I totally respect your feelings toward Steven, but I do not think it is love." He knew I was being a little silly, but was being so considerate about my feelings.
"I am not sure what is my feeling towards Steven either. But the fact is I am unable to forget him."
"What are saying David?" he wanted to hear it to believe it.
"That I cannot see you anymore. That you should find someone who deserves your love."
"I did. And it is you. I don't want to find anyone else." He was not going to leave me carry on with my foolishness.
"Michael, you are making it harder for me." I was adamant.
"OK." He rose. He left.
I had never felt this much pain in my life ever. I was disappointed and angry when Steven did not show up. This was pain. May be I expected him to argue, get mad at me, yell, scream, at least reason with me. He did nothing. He listened, asked a few questions and then he was gone. I felt abandoned. I felt deprived. For several minutes I kept staring at the door that he left through. How can he do this to me? I was feeling bad for what he did to me than think about what I just did to him. How selfish. Tears welled in my eyes. I wept. I cried. I cried aloud. I cried uncontrollably.
I don't know for how long I was crying. I just sat there on the couch not moving. The cell phone rang and I realized that it was already morning. The sun was just starting to show up over the horizon. It was still more dark than bright. I looked at the clock. It was 7 AM though. I wished it were Michael calling. It was Brian. I reluctantly picked up the phone.
"Hey David. How are you?" Brian tried to be casual.
I snuffled. "I am OK."
"Did you guys sleep well?"
"He is not here." I said flatly. My heart felt so heavy. I could not even bring myself to say his name aloud.
"We are coming there right now."
I did not answer. I switched off the phone and sat down on the couch.
Twenty minutes later there was a knock and I opened the door. Brian and Ken stepped in. I broke down and started crying again. They helped me back to the couch. Ken put of pot of coffee to brew. He found the turkey that Brian had packed for us (there was only no `us' today) in the fridge and heated that up in the microwave. He came and sat next to us thrusting the coffee mug in my hands.
"What happened honey?" Brian asked holding my shoulders and comforting me.
I couldn't talk. Every time I opened my lips to utter a word, all I could do was cry.
"David, calm down sweetie." Brian hugged me now.
"I broke up with him. I broke his heart." I spoke, my voice almost inaudible.
Ken was unusually calm and silent. Brian did not know what to say either. He just sat there hugging me. I was hurting.
The phone rang. Ken looked at me, as if to ask if I was going to take it. He grabbed the phone and held it for me to take it. I saw it was not a number I knew. The ringing stopped and Ken placed the phone down on the coffee table.
"Why would Michael call me anymore?" I thought to myself.
The phone beeped indicating a voice message. Ken picked up and checked the message.
"Steven is bringing Mike here. He wants to talk to you." Ken conveyed the message to me.
I did not react.
Ok, I had such a hard time writing this chapter. The inexperience showed. I hope it is at least good enough to read once. I will conclude this story in the next chapter.
As always, comments, questions, complaints, hate mails are welcome (please be kind). The email ID is gay_love_fiction (at) yahoo (dot) com.
Thank you for all your emails.