This is a fictional story with fictional characters. Any resemblance to people living or dead is purely a coincidence.
Please do not distribute this story. But for 50 million US dollars, I will be more than willing to grant you the copyright. Anyone interested?
This story involves love and physical intimacy between two consenting adult men. If you do not want to read this or should not be reading this, please close the browser window and go back to the newspapers.
And finally to those who can and still want to read the story, I would like you to know that this is a story about relations and not about sex. So there will be very limited sexual acts and even when it occurs, there will be no graphic details about the act.
Enjoy the story. Thank you for reading.
First Love - Chapter 5
"David. Mike is coming here. This is the best chance to make up with him." Brian suggested.
I looked at them. My face was pale. My eyes were filled with tears that were hesitating to come out. I took a deep sigh, but did not say anything.
"You feel like shit without him. And that explains that you love him more than Steven. Listen to us." Ken said picking up my coffee to reheat it.
Brian had decided that the best was to leave me on my own.
Ken came back with the reheated coffee. "Drink this before they get here. It will at least help you think better."
Ken sat next to me. "David. I think I have it figured out. What you have for Steven is anger."
I stared at him blankly. "What is he talking about? Anger? Is he out of his mind? Doesn't he get it that I love him?" I thought to myself.
"You know anger can blind a person. Blanket their mind from everything else. You couldn't forget him for so many days, months because you are terribly angry at him. And you mistook it for love."
I did not answer and Ken resigned from coming up with any more theories.
There was a knock at the door and Brian opened it. It was Steven. Mike was standing behind him. He had his hands thrust into his pockets and was staring at his shoes.
They came and sat down. I could see that neither of them had slept last night. Mikes eyes were puffy and red. Steven looked really tired too.
Steven spoke breaking the silence. "I found out what happened and feel really bad that I have been the cause of this situation".
Everyone stayed quiet.
"David and I met online last year and due to some unforeseen circumstances couldn't meet in person. That was over a year ago. I had totally forgotten about it until I met David yesterday." He explained thinking Brian and Ken might need to be brought up to speed.
"When I returned to Mike's apartment around midnight, I found him lying on the floor. He looked terrible. I have never seen upset before. I asked him what was wrong and he punched me in the face. Well I sort of figured what happened. David, you probably do not know Mike completely yet. If he can hit his friend for you, it can only mean that he loves you more than anyone else." He said looking at me.
"I spent the better part of the night explaining to him and trying to get him to talk to me and to call you. He did not want to come here. He was gonna wait for you to call him back. Look at him. He is hurting." Steven continued.
"Mike deserves someone without all this baggage." I said with a flat voice.
"Guys, May I have a few minutes with David? Please?" Steven requested.
Mike, Brian and Ken left us and went into the bed room. Steven and I were alone now.
"Why did you not show up?" I questioned the wall.
He knew what I was asking. "I met with a little accident."
I did not believe him. "Really?" I smirked.
"Believe it or not. I was a little late and I was rushing. There was too much ice and it was really slippery. My car skid and went off the road into a ditch. I hurt my head and I think I passed out. I was in the hospital for day. I lost my cell phone and didn't have your number. Then in two days I had to leave to DC for my residency. I am really sorry. This might all sound like an absurd excuse, but it's the truth."
I was still angry with him. I did not reply.
"You can ask Mike if you want to." He was trying to prove his innocence.
"I am sorry it happened." I did not care if it really happened.
"Me too. I missed out." The words slipped before he could censor them.
"No you did not. I did fall in love with you." I was still being silly.
"David..." he paused, waiting for me to look at him.
"I don't love you." He said slowly and a little hesitantly.
I was stunned. I never really believed he loved me, but it hurt when he said it aloud. I realized this is how Mike must have felt when I broke up with him. I was angry at Steven. First he gives me some cockamamie reason for not showing up and now he tells me he does not love me.
"I mean. I liked you. I liked you a lot when we spoke on the phone. I felt a connection. Unfortunately I couldn't make it to the date. We don't know what might have happened, had we met. But does it matter now?"
"Yes it does. I fell in love with you and that's all matters to me. I am not asking you to love me back. But I cannot go on this way. I cannot give just half my heart to Mike."
"David, listen. This is not something that one can tell you or teach you. You have to realize it for yourself. But don't take too long. You will end up losing Mike."
I just kept quiet. He saw that it was not getting anywhere. He sat down next to me. He moved in closer and placed his hand on my thigh. I turned to face him. He put his hand on the back of my head and pulled me closer to him. I was confused and very tentative at first and then gave in. He looked into my eyes and then leaned in to kiss me. I jerked away.
"What are you doing?" I blurted out.
"Kissing you." He tried to grab my hand and pull me back to the couch.
"Why?" I demanded and easily wriggled my arm out of his grip.
"You said you loved me. Thought that's what you wanted from me." He answered patiently.
I was at a loss for words. I was more confused than ever. I had to think why I don't want to kiss the man I loved. I had no answer. I looked at Steven.
"David. Sorry I did that." He apologized. "Please come sit down." He requested.
I obeyed him quietly.
"Look David. I am not an expert on love and no one can tell what another person feels in his heart. It is not something you can cut open and read some pattern and understand what it is."
He paused for a moment and asked, "Do you love you parents?".
I looked at him with a "What has this got to do with our situation" look. "Yea." I answered him anyways.
"Do you love Brian and Ken?"
I understood where this was going now. "Yes." I answered again.
"I love him a lot." tears began to flow down my eyes. I was quiet. I was thinking. I felt something dawning.
"David. You see one individual can have so many different relations in his life. We term it all as love, but you know that one love is different from the other. It is a feeling. It is almost similar, but only a little different. Could you ever sleep with Brian or Ken? My guess is `No'. So you see what you and I had is a similar feeling. May be the English language does not have a word for it. So you labeled it as `love'. But I don't think it is."
He was destroying the shell I had constructed to protect my idea of what it was I felt for Steven for so long. What all those talks and lectures from Brian and Ken could not put into my thick skull, this one trick did.
I was beginning to convince myself that I was not in "love" with Steven. I mean not in the same way as I was with Mike. I wanted to believe it, because the thought of losing Mike was more painful than anything else I had ever felt in my entire life. And also Steven sounded pretty logical to me. I knew I could never be sure if Steven had no feelings towards me or if he was telling me all this stuff just so that I will get back with Mike. I let it go. I stopped trying to read his mind.
"I am going to bring Mike here." He left without waiting for an answer.
I had to make a choice. I had to pick one. I thought what it would be like to lead my life with Steven. No Mike?
A couple of minutes passed and Mike came back to the living room. I was still sitting on the couch. I was too ashamed to even look at him. I kept my eyes down. He kneeled in front of me and positioned himself as close as he could possibly get to me.
"Will you take me back?" he whispered.
That is all I needed to hear. My flood gates opened and I cried like I had never cried ever before. I always thought of myself as stoical. Yes, as long as it does not shake the foundations of your life, you can afford to be stoical. Within a matter of months my love for the guy kneeling in front of me had become so strong that I never knew that you could love someone so much.
Mike tried to hug me. "It is ok." He held me tight until my sobs subsided.
"Is that a yes?" he asked
"Of course. I never stopped loving you Mike. I am so sorry. I don't know. I was just too confused. Even now I am not sure of a lot of things. But one thing I am sure is that I can't even stand the thought of losing you. I guess this is what love feels like."
"I understand." He kissed my cheek and tightened the embrace.
I sighed and stayed where I was. I did not want to disturb this moment. I felt like a huge load had been lifted off my chest. I was able to breathe normally again.
Brian, Ken and Steven walked back into the room.
I wiped my cheeks and stood up. Mike grabbed my arm and pulled me into an embrace. There was the slightest trace of smile on my face.
Ken could not hold himself anymore. He hugged Mike and me and almost toppled us all. "Oh, I am so glad it is all sorted out. Boy what a Thanksgiving."
"It sure is. We are going to be telling this story to our kids and grandkids." Mike joked. Luckily they couldn't see me blushing because my face was already so red with all the crying.
Brian came forward and joined the group hug. Ken pulled Steven into it. We stayed that way for several minutes. The excitement settled down and we all sat down.
I looked at Mike. "I want to make it up to you." I said with the utmost sincerity.
"You don't have to." He was being generous.
"No, please, anything you want. I promise." I pleaded.
"Let me see. What could possibly make me happy?" He put his index finger to his chin and started thinking. At least he was pretending to be thinking of an appropriate punishment. When he was done, he had an evil grin on his face and a sparkle in his eyes.
"How about you and I make out on the back of the truck. Right now."
"But it is cold." I reasoned shuddering at the though of going out in the cold.
"No buts." He was strict.
I pouted and walked towards the door. I tried to pick up my jacket, lying on the floor, on the way out.
"No, no jackets."
"This is not fair. I only `broke' your heart. Now you are trying to kill me."
Michael was already half way down the stairs. "Stop whining and get you ass out. You will not die. I guarantee you that much. You promised remember?" He extended his arm toward me, urging me to join him.
Our friends were having a blast of a show. I shrugged and followed him half heartedly. I was only wearing a thin t-shirt. And it was considerably wet from all the tears. And it was starting to freeze and stick to my skin now. I hugged myself and walked down the stairs.
He was waiting for me half way down. He grabbed my hands and almost dragged down the stairs. He was shivering too. It was snowing very lightly but was not freezing cold, luckily. It is only Thanksgiving. We got to his truck and he jumped onto the back of it. He helped me by offering his hand and pulling me up.
He was looking into my eyes. I kept my lips pursed to prevent crying and blinked excessively to keep the tears away from my eyes. It was not helping. Tears were flowing freely. An elderly neighbor was watching us through her window. There were a couple of people in the parking lot staring at us. I did not care. I turned my attention to my boy friend.
"Mike, I thought I lost you."
"I thought I lost you too. Was the worst feeling ever." He smiled gently.
We hugged real tight. We kissed and melted into each other. Have I mentioned that Mike is the best kisser in the entire world. I could not feel the chill anymore. I could not feel anything or anyone around us anymore. I was not even here. Mike and I were flying to the stars on a beautiful white horse. Déjà vu!
As tough as it was to come out of that blissful feeling, my toes and fingers were starting to freeze.
"Honey, I am stiff." I complained, shivering a little bit.
"That's good. I love it when you are..."
"Not that you pervert. I am freezing. Let's go inside." I mock punched his arm.
"Did you like it?" he loosened the embrace and arched back so that he could look at me.
"See, didn't I tell you it would be awesome." He boasted.
"You were right." I accepted
"You bet. I was. I might not be the smartest man alive, David. But I know a few things. You should listen to me sometimes." He said referring to the time when he tried to tell me that what I felt for Steven was not really love. He jumped off the truck and then helped me down.
I grabbed him by the arm. "I realize that now. I love you Mike." I confessed.
"I love you too." He smiled broadly.
We walked towards our apartment, hand in hand.
I hope you guys and gals enjoyed the story. Thanks for all your emails. Please send comments, questions, fan-mail or hate-mail to gay_love_fiction (at) yahoo (dot) com.
Just FYI: I have another story "My Blonde Brad" under College.
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The can register by visiting the group home pag: http://groups.yahoo.com/group/gay_love_fiction.