HOW WILL I GO ON ?
The following fictional story deals with sex among males. If you are offended by such material, are too young, or reside in an area where it is not allowed, depart. Though not observed in this story, care enough about yourself and humankind to practice safe sex.
"I stuck my head out the window this morning and spring kissed me bang in the face."
The author retains all rights. No reproductions or links to other sites are allowed without the author's consent.
Thanks to my big bro Tim for proofing and editing and suggestions.
I know that a lot of people didn't care for chapter 10. Suffice it to say that I thought it would work out a lot better than it did.
Thanks again to everyone that's read and emailed about the story and for your patience in waiting for chapters.
Ash - firstname.lastname@example.org
|Ash Bradley||main character - We meet him at his partner Jacob's funeral in chapter 1|
|Shaun Johnston||10 years younger than Ash. They meet on the plane when Ash goes to San Francisco to visit friends and recover from Jacob's death. Shaun has been exiled by his family because he's gay|
|Patrick Maxwell||Longtime friend of Ash living in the San Francisco area.|
|Hunter Johnston||Shaun's uncle, estranged from the family because he's gay. Shaun has been "sent" to him in San Francisco.|
|Bryan Wright||Shaun's friend, lovers through their teen years until discovered.|
|Jeff & Jeremy Nichols||Shaun and Bryan's foster/adopted sons.|
|Kevin Robinson||Ash met on return plane trip. Wouldn't you like to know more?|
How Will I Go On - Chapter 11
When I met Ash 40 years ago, it was one of the most embarrassing moments of my life. Shaun had been hospitalized and was brought home by Ash, Patrick and Hunter the morning I arrived in San Francisco. I remember just how nervous I was about the reception I would receive from Shaun. I needn't have worried! They arrived home just as I emerged from the bathroom, still damp from a shower. I was wearing only briefs when Shaun spotted me in the hallway, picked me up, spun me around and carried over me over for introductions to the guys.
"Bryan...I don't know how you got here or why you're here, but I know I'm sooooo happy to see you!!"
Knowing that he'd tried to kill himself and just how I'd hurt him before he moved out here, I was relieved to hear those words, so relieved in fact that those words have remained ingrained in my memory to this day. If I ever need a "happy thought" I just think of that moment.
Shaun had me in a hug with Ash before I knew it and it didn't take me long to start to get hard. God was I embarrassed! Ash was great. He hugged me tight and whispered in my ear not to worry, that he was a little hard too, that it was just something that happened to young guys. Then he turned Shaun and me around, slapped us on the butts and sent us to the bedroom, ostensibly for me to dress. They all knew what we did that morning, but for some reason with those three men, it didn't make any difference. They were comfortable with themselves, and us, and we were comfortable with them. Only as years passed would I realize just how special those weeks in San Francisco were. Not that we did anything extraordinary, it was just the fellowship with three gay men. Shaun and I had never been exposed to openly gay men, so seeing and living that time opened our eyes. Of course being exposed to the San Francisco scene didn't hurt. The evening that Hunter took us all to the Castro district was an unbelievable experience.
When Ash had to leave for home I thought Shaun would never make it without breaking down. He fought back tears at the apartment, in the car and at the airport. Once the hugs and goodbyes were over and Ash was down the jet way, we headed for home. Shaun made it about half way before he was sobbing on my shoulder. The following days were very difficult for him, for me too, but in a different way. I was worried about Shaun because his mental state was still brittle. A few appointments with Dr. Shelby and we were able to understand that we both needed to deal with our upbringings. Doc debunked all the crap about men not crying, and not showing emotion. He helped Shaun and me both understand that those themes from our upbringing were feeding his fragile emotional state after the suicide attempt. Doc helped us learn that showing emotion and displays of affection didn't make us weak, that it in fact helped strengthen our lives by getting things out and dealing with them. With Doc's loving guidance, and make no mistake we both felt the love from the man, it wasn't long before Shaun was coping better and we were deeply ensconced in our own lives.
We lived with Hunter for four years while we attended college. Several times we tried to move out, made what we thought were logical arguments to him that he would be better off rid of us, but he wouldn't have it, said that it was a small thing to do to help us get through our education.
Life was exciting. Neither of us had lived anywhere except with our parents, so every little thing was a new adventure. We learned to forgive one another for shrunken laundry, the colored whites and the "unfit for human consumption" meals. More importantly Hunter and Patrick saw us through. Their relationship grew quickly, and before long Shaun and I had "parents". They were patient and caring with our foibles around the house, and wonderfully insightful in "life matters," helping us to grow together into a loving gay couple.
Once we graduated, Sean with an information systems degree and I with one in education, we decided it was time to live on our own. With Patrick and Hunter's help we soon located a nice loft apartment in the city not too far from what we now considered home.
Shaun was in contact with Ash on a weekly basis at least. They truly did become brothers, confiding in each other, worrying about each other, commiserating over failures and celebrating successes. I swear that even from opposite coasts they knew when something was wrong. No sooner would Shaun come in with some issue or problem than Ash would be on the phone inquiring as to what was happening. I was included in everything; I never felt like a third wheel; but my connection with Ash was not the same as Shaun's. I also knew that I better accept Ash and Shaun's relationship if I loved Shaun because Ash was going to be involved in some way. Over time I came to love Ash, too. How can you not love someone that loves your spouse so unconditionally?
I remember vividly Shaun's reaction to Ash meeting Kevin on the plane on his trip home. It was the actually late that same day; Ash had called to let us know that he'd arrived home safely
"What do you mean you met a guy on the plane? Is he nice, cute? You're going to be careful aren't you? I hurt you so badly I don't want to see that happen again!"
Shaun was in tears. Knowing that his emotions were still sometimes fragile, I started to intervene, but it became obvious that Ash was working his magic. Shaun calmed down and was soon listening intently to Ash. Within a few more moments Shaun was laughing and conversing as if nothing had happened.
When we talked about it later Shaun told me that Ash had met a nice guy on the plan ride home, Kevin Robinson. They'd talked and played a game of cards and the trip had gone quickly. As the story came out later Ash didn't know if Kevin was gay or not, but Kevin had inquired to see if Ash needed a ride home from the airport. Ash hadn't taken him up on it but had asked where Kevin lived and worked. It turns out that they both worked in the same office park. Meeting for drinks one Friday turned to an occasional dinner, to playing racquetball on Thursdays. Two months had passed before Ash finally screwed up the courage to ask Kevin outright about his sexual preferences.
Kevin had hemmed and hawed a bit at first but finally confessed to Ash that though he was a virgin at twenty-five, he had always fantasized about men. He had known from an early age that he was attracted to guys. In high school he had dated girls, never more than a few times, always the gentleman. It got him through to graduation. Never one to be "out there" in creating relationships, Kevin had only a few close friends. The prevalent attitude toward gays at the time caused him to create a shell around himself, not letting anyone of either sex get too close. That, along with occasional dates, gave the impression of a guy still looking, an impression that suited him just fine.
Then Ash Bradley stopped by his seat on that plane. Kevin had moved to let Ash get to his seat and at his first sniff of Ash's slightly cologned body his cock had risen in the cargo shorts he was wearing. Embarrassed by his sudden response to the stranger, Kevin had stretched and rearranged himself in his seat. The remainder of the trip was good. The rest, as they say, is history.
Shaun and I learned much later, during a visit from Ash and Kevin, how their relationship had come about. The night that Kevin confessed to being gay and a virgin was not the night things changed for him. Ash was still mourning Jacob in some ways, so he wasn't quite ready for a new guy. Kevin, knowing Ash's background, was unsure of things, too. We all had a good laugh as they related the story to Shaun and me. Turns out it was almost a year later when Ash finally got Kevin into his bed.
"Kevin, I want to talk to you about something." I could tell that Kevin was a bit worried when I said that.
"It's not something bad, guy. Just something we should talk about."
"OK, Ash, you want to talk now or after dinner?"
Kevin was at the house for dinner that night, as he was almost every night for the past six months. We were standing in the kitchen, me cutting veggies for munching, him opening a bottle of white to go with the Salsa Chicken that was in the oven.
"No reason we can't do both, Kevin, I think I can still work and talk at the same time."
Kevin laughed, that beautiful, clear, deep laugh of his, and I felt myself flush as I looked at him.
"Kevin, we've been doing things together for almost a year now, working out, eating, even vacationing. We've gotten closer and closer, discussed just about everything. Except one thing, US." As I spoke I had put down my knife and turned to face him. "Kevin I think it's time for both of us to stop dancing around the truth. We've talked about your background, that you're pretty sure you're gay, and that women don't attract you. I've been hesitant to do anything myself, Kev, but this week I visited Jacob. We had a long talk and he told me that it was time for me to move on." I moved that last half step closer, reached out to grasp Kevin's hip and drew him close. "I love you, Kevin, and I think it's time to do something about it." Looking into his eyes, I slowly moved my lips forward, watching his eyes for any sign of resistance. All I saw was bright blue eyes, glistening with tears as I felt him exhale and relax. Our lips met and pressed together softly into our first kiss.
My tongue soon moved out to gently caress his lips, seeking entrance. He slowly released the tension in his lips, letting me move my tongue forward to probe his own tongue and teeth and gums, tasting him for the first time.
As we kissed I reached behind Kevin, placing one hand gently on his neck, the other stroking down his back to cup his firm buttock. Pulling us closer together, I moved my face back to where I could look at him and smiled. "So big boy, that wasn't so bad was it?"
He laughed. "No Ash, that wasn't bad at all. In fact it was damn great!" That said he reached around to cup my butt and moved in to initiate a kiss of his own.
Breaking apart I reached over to turn off the oven and stove before taking his hand and leading him upstairs.
As I undressed Kevin that night I found myself thinking of Jacob. I found no hesitation in my actions, I was not in the least uncomfortable taking Kevin into my bed. Those thoughts let me relax to enjoy this time with Kev fully.
We undressed each other, taking time to explore a little. It was a thrill to feel a man`s hands on my body again. Having never been able to explore a naked man intimately before, Kevin was a bit hesitant. With some gentle coaxing he soon was exploring me from head to toe. When I did the same to him I found that my time with Jacob served me well. We had been gentle lovers, so I knew no other way to be with Kevin. We move from standing to lying on the bed kissing to a 69 position in slow fluid movements. As I first came close to Kevin's erect organ I was surprised at just how large it was, bigger than Jacob had been by at least an inch, and fatter. I knew this would be a challenge.
Later that night I said something to him I didn't think I would ever say to another man after Jacob.
"Kevin, I want you to make love to me!" I told him when I returned from my preparations. "I've only let one other person have me that way and I planned on being with him for a lifetime. Today I want you to make love to me that way."
The look on his face was priceless. Where I had expected a look of shock, maybe fear, I only saw love and caring. "Ash, nothing would please me more that to make love to you. You'll have to tell me what to do, because I don't want to hurt you, now or ever."
He didn't! He was gentle and caring and made me cum without touching myself, something that Jacob had mastered after many enjoyable hours of practice. I could only assume that his extra length and width made the difference.
Kevin only left the house after that to cancel his lease and pack his apartment. On my next visit to Jacob he went along and thanked Jacob and asked for his blessing. I don't know how, but I knew that Jacob was there with us. We both felt it, and Kevin held me as I cried tears of joy.
The announcement in the paper stated that Ash Bradley and Kevin Robinson were joined in matrimony in a civil ceremony on September 3rd, 2007, in Stowe, Vermont.
The California constitutional amendment allowing gay marriage was passed in 2010, the year after we both graduated. Shaun and I were married 3 years later.
"Yes, Shaun?" I responded, looking up from the papers I was grading. I welcomed the interruption. Reading third grade assignments is tedious at best, 8 year old`s handwriting being what it is. Shaun had moved into the room silently and was standing next to me at the desk where I was working. The guy could move like a cat when he wanted to.
Dropping to his knee beside me, I assumed to be able to be more eye to eye with me, Shaun took my hand in his.
"Bryan Wright, I love you with every part of my being. As Tom Cruise says in that old movie we saw on the TV the other week, `you complete me.'"
Drawing a ring box from behind his back he quietly asked, "Will you marry me?"
For some reason I couldn't find my voice and could only nod my head yes, as I grabbed Shaun under the arms and pulled him up into an embrace.
We were joined in matrimony under California law two months later.
Kevin came into the bedroom and gave Ash a nod. Shaun and I looked at each other, knowing that something was up.
Ash had just finished tying my tie. Shaun had mastered that skill and I could do a pretty good job most of the time, but today I was nervous and Ash had helped. We were almost finished getting dressed for the ceremony.
"Shaun, Bryan? Hunter, Patrick, Kevin and I have a surprise for you."
"What Ash, an early wedding present?" Shaun joked.
"Well maybe. I hope you two are as pleased with it as were to be able to do it for you. You both look, I don't know, handsome, studly, hot...all of the above. We all went together and got you these." Patrick and Kevin both held out small boxes, Kevin to me and Patrick on Shaun.
Opening my box I found an absolutely beautiful antique diamond stick pin. Turning to Shaun I saw him holding one that looked exactly the same. Grabbing the nearest guy we both gave our benefactors hugs and kisses pulling their respective partners into the embraces.
"You guys are too much. You shouldn't have. With everything you have done to make this day happen we didn't expect anything else." I was blubbering, Shaun was crying and we were all still in one huge group hug.
"Boys, and I will always think of you as boys so don't say anything, we all love you dearly and want nothing but the best for you. These are just symbols of our love for you and of your relationship. These diamonds are created over time by nature, taking years to mature. Relationships are like that too, they mature over time, and we all think that yours is off to a great start."
"Now guys, the rest of your present is in the living room." Kevin said.
"What more? You're going to spoil us."
"Bryan, that's what friends and uncles and surrogate parents are for." Hunter said with a grin.
Hunter took me by the arm and Ash took Shaun and we were propelled out the door and down the hall.
Shaun and I were directed to the doorway at the same time, so we both stopped in our tracks, open mouthed, when we spotted our mothers, dressed to the nines, standing there waiting for us.
"Mom!" you couldn't tell which one of us said it as we rushed forward into their arms. We were pleasantly surprised to find that Ash and Kevin, with help from Hunter and Patrick had arranged to bring both moms out for the wedding. We had reconciled with them not long after we got settled in California, but had not actually seen them in years, not wanting to travel back and face our still-unaccepting fathers. In open defiance of the old men both mothers had accepted the offer to attend the wedding.
After much hugging, many tears and hurried explanations Hunter and Patrick hustled us all out before we would be late to the church. Ash stood as Shaun's best man, Patrick as mine. It was a simple ceremony, with small attendance. We had invited some friends, but most of our families weren't on the list. Doctor Selby came with his wife, and Sandy came in her nurse's whites, directly from her shift at the hospital. We had kept in touch with her and occasionally sent flowers to the nurses on the floor to brighten their day.
Our reception was held at a small neighborhood restaurant we liked. It was a great day, a great party and was shared with family and friends we loved. We left late that day for a honeymoon in the wine country north of San Francisco.
When we returned we settled in our lives, working, playing, living, doing the everyday mundane things that couples do.
"Bryan?" I heard Shaun calling as he came into the house from work. Being the teacher, I was always home earlier that he was.
"In here, babe!" I called from the den where I was grading papers. Shaun came into the room, gave me a nice kiss and then plopped on the comfortable couch across the room.
"I have a question for you, babe, and please don't just dismiss it offhand."
"Do I ever just dismiss you offhand?" I asked with a grin.
"You know what I mean...just please hear me out. There was a big discussion at work today, about child rearing and the roles moms and dads play. I couldn't help but think about our parents. We didn't turn out too bad! Well, except for being gay!" Shaun laughed.
"Anyway, the discussion caused me to solidify something that had been in my mind for a long time. How would you feel about us adopting a child?" The last part of Shaun's question was barely audible.
"Shaun, Babe, I can't say that I'm surprised. I see you with friend's kids and with the kids in my class when you visit. You're great with them. But I can't say that I've ever thought about us having children of our own. I'm definitely not saying no, but we'll really have to think about this."
Shaun jumped up and grabbed me into a big hug. "I knew you'd be open to the idea, babe. That's all I ask, that we can discuss it and check out what has to be done."
A little over a year later we were the proud parents of 13 year old twins. Jeremy and Jeff were cute and well behaved but well over the normal age for adoption. We were looking at pictures at the agency one afternoon and happened onto the twins. In reading the file we found that they had been fostered to one family for 5 years after their parents had died in an auto accident. That family had suddenly placed the boys back in the system, claiming that they were just too much to handle and were disrupting the family life. It sounded pretty harsh to both Shaun and me, and upon some pointed questioning of the social worker we were working with, we learned that one of the twins was labeled a deviant by the foster family after finding him and their natural son sharing a jack off session.
Shaun and I are in tune enough that I knew the thoughts that ran through his head at that moment were the same ones I had. "What a fucked up attitude for 2011!" The telepathic communications were working overtime. Shaun looked at me and all I did was nod in agreement.
We met the twins later that same day. Due to the complexity of the fostering and adoption process it was almost 6 months before we took them home as foster sons. During that time we did manage to meet them and take them for outings. At their first ball game Shaun and I both thought they'd jump out of their skin they were so excited.
When we did finally get through all the paperwork and took them home for good they were very subdued. We weren't sure what was wrong. They were normally pretty outgoing and exuberant. A very quiet dinner of pizza and a movie and they were off for showers and bed. After we had kissed them goodnight and walked out of the bedroom we could hear a quiet argument going on. They both emerged a short time later with serious looks on their faces.
"Guys we want to know just why you took us in? It's important! We want to know what to expect living here!"
"Jeff, Jeremy, we've been together for about eight years now and have known each other since we were twelve. We love each other very much and wanted the opportunity to share that love. When we saw your pictures in the book at Social Services we couldn't help but wonder why you were in the system. After some intense questioning we managed to get the story out of the social worker. We decided then and there that even if we didn't get to foster you that we could at least meet you and maybe show you that being gay isn't the end of the world."
Shaun took over the story at this point.
"Guys, we thought we had a unique perspective to offer you. At your ages experimentation is very normal. Jacking off with a friend or your brother isn't deviant behavior. Whether either of you is gay or not gay is not an issue with us. As we met you and got to know you both we realized that we enjoyed your company and really looked forward to our time with you. You two really keep us on our toes. We both separately came to the conclusion that we loved you and wanted you. We talked and decided that we could, and wanted to, offer you a safe, loving environment to finish growing up in. We also have the resources to do that. Finally, just so you know boys, we've already started the paperwork to adopt you...not just foster you. We've enjoyed getting to know you these past months, really loved our time together. We were going to talk to you about adoption in a day or two before things proceeded too far."
I could tell by the stunned looks on the boys faces that Shaun's revelation about adoption stunned them both. It wasn't thirty seconds later that Shaun and I were the recipients of the best thing that could have happened. We were wrapped in a group hug with two sobbing boys.
"Bryan, Shaun, that's so great cause we think you guys are rad." Jeremy said. At least I think it was Jeremy. "I told Jeff that you were OK but ever since Gerald, that last foster dad, got so freaked, he's been really afraid of another foster family."
About six months after the twins came to live with us, we were planning a weekend away. Heading north up the coast just to sight see and relax. The boys had never really had a vacation in their lives. Friday evening as we took off there was a whispered conversation in the back seat of the car. Jeff finally poked his head over the seat.
"Shaun, can we make a stop this weekend? There's someplace that Jeremy and I would like to go."
"Sure guys, you have as much input as anybody about this trip. The only thing set in stone is the Inn where we have reservations for the night." Shaun said. "Where do you guys want to go?"
"To the cemetery where our parents are buried," was the whispered reply. Shaun and I were both struck speechless for a moment.
"Do you guys know where it is?"
"We know the name, and it's around Santa Rosa. A social worker took us for the funeral. But we haven't been back since. The foster family wouldn't take us, said we were better off forgetting." I could see that both boys were near tears.
"Shaun, pull off at the next exit!"
As soon as Shaun managed to get us off the highway and stop in a convenience store lot, I unbelted and got out of the car, motioning Shaun to do the same. We entered the back seat from each side, encountering two very upset and nervous boys. Grabbing Jeff, who happened to by on my side, I hugged him tight, nestling his head into my shoulder. I knew instinctively that Shaun was doing the same with Jeremy. Both boys were crying and trying to hold on to each other.
"Guys, what the foster families did to you was wrong." I tried to use the most soothing tone I could muster without crying myself. "There is nothing wrong with remembering your natural parents, or to still miss them. You were both old enough to remember your mother and father. It was thoughtless of the foster homes to not encourage you two to remember and to let you visit the cemetery for some sort of closure. Of course we'll visit. We just need to find it."
Through tears Jeremy replied. "We're not sure exactly where it is. but we have the name written on some paperwork that we got a long time ago from Social Services. We thought it might be on a map."
Jeff and Jeremy pulled away from us and hugged each other, sort of shrinking back into the seat.
"So you're not mad at us?" they asked almost in unison.
It was Shaun and my turn for tears.
"Oh my God no, guys. We love you both. We know about your parents dying in the accident and realize that you both must have some memories of them. You should know where they are buried and visit if you want to."
We remained there for a while just talking and reassuring the guys that everything was okay. Once we got things under control, used the facilities and bought enough snacks for an army at the store, we got back on the road.
Saturday morning, after checking the paperwork the boys had, we drove to Forestville, about 40 miles west of Santa Rosa. The chamber of commerce office was closed, but I spotted a sign for the local historical society. Saying a prayer that they would be open we headed off in the direction the sign indicated. Their office was open and the volunteer very helpful, pulling out a list of local cemeteries, and a map. We were soon on our way. Shaun suddenly pulled into the local grocery story, surprising us all. Quickly parking he jumped out, said "wait here" and disappeared into the store. I turned and looked at the boys and they looked at me. "Beats hell outta me I laughed!" He was back in ten minutes with two bunches of beautiful cut flowers, one for each boy.
Thankfully it was a fairly large cemetery with an office which was open. We explained what we were doing and who we were trying to find. The attendant was very helpful, looking things up in the ledger and giving us plot numbers and directions. We found the unmarked graves with little difficulty, matching the plot corner markers with the numbers we had been given. Shaun and I held back, wanting to follow the boys' lead. They approached the graves slowly, holding on to each other. They stood there for several minutes just staring at the ground before bending down at the same time to leave the flowers. When they stood we could tell that they were crying, still holding each other. We left them with their grief for a few moments before moving in to comfort them. As we started to leave a little while later, I looked at Shaun and he looked at me. We both knew beyond a shadow of a doubt that there would soon be a beautiful stone on those two unmarked graves.
We had our ups and downs, but the guys were two great kids. Seeing them through middle and high school and into college was a joy. Not that it was simple or easy. Quite the contrary, we had our trials and tribulations, but we tried to treat the boys with love and a gentle, respectful hand and we expected the same from them. Jeff did turn out to be gay. We found out one day when he was sixteen. He just sat us down and told us. We weren't surprised and in fact were really pleased that he chose to tell us that way. To us it meant that we had managed to provide him with an environment where he was comfortable talking to us about anything. Jeremy already knew of course. We wouldn't have expected otherwise.
Over the years they consulted us on important issues, included us in decisions and generally treated us as the loving fathers we were. They came to love our family, too. Ash and Kevin, Hunter and Patrick were all like doting uncles and, miracle of miracles, the boys came to know their grandparents too. The grandmothers were easy and much work on their part thawed the grandfathers to the point where the boys were welcome for visits any time.
It was Ash's recent illness that truly drove home just how loving and caring the boys were. They had both gone east for college and decided to stay there. A decision that neither Shaun nor I liked but we respected their choice. Consequently they were closer to Baltimore geographically than Shaun and I were. While they often visited Ash and Kevin, their concern had grown with Ash's illness. After he became ill they both made time not only to visit him, but also to make sure to touch Kevin and reassure him that they were around if he needed them. A sure sign to me that our boys had truly grown into two great men.
|Ash Bradley||Ash and Dad||Incest||Jun 6, 2003|
|How Will I Go On||College||CURRENT|
|Evan Bradley||Ambush||Highschool||April 19, 2003|
|Rubbing My Face in Hawk||Adult Friends||May 31, 2003|
|Tylers Take Down||Adult Friends||May 18, 2003|
|The Crew||Adult Friends||Oct 23, 2004|
|Tim Mead|| Dr Tim and the Boys /
Tim and the Guys
Sept 30, 2004
|Out of the Night||Adult Friends||last posting Jan 8, 2004|
|du Temps Perdu||College||Jul 30, 2003|
|B & G||College||CURRENT|
|The Bench||Encounters||Oct 17, 2004|
|Beautiful Music||College - Campus Scenes||March 7, 2004|
|Billy Budd||College - Campus Scenes||July 11, 2004|
|Placet||College - Campus Scenes||July 26, 2004||Mickey S.||Billy and Danny||College||last posting
Jan 3, 2005
|Sandy Hook||Authoritarian||Dec 4, 2003|
|Wet Mothers Day||Encounters||July 27, 2002|
|Dude||Encounters||May 17, 2002|
|Palm Springs Weekend||Encounters||June 21, 2002|
|Twin Reality/Twin Fantasy||Incest||June 19,2002|
|Rough Fuck||Encounters||May 27, 2002|
|Fun at the Laundromat||Encounters||Jun 9, 2002|
|Twin Fuck||Encounters||Jul 1, 2002|
|Man in Black||Authoritarian||May 24, 2002|
|Tony and Me||Authoritarian||May 9, 2002|
|No Longer a Virgin||College||May 31, 2002|
|The Wall||College||May 20, 2002|
|What I Wasn't Looking For||Authoritarian||Sept 2004|
|Grove Street||Encounters||Oct 5, 2004|
|Guest of Honor||Authoritarian||Nov 14, 2004|
|Hypnotize Me||Beginnings||Feb 1, 2005|
|Summer at the Shore||College||March 13,2005|
Tales from the reservation
|Discovery||Encounters||May 13, 2002|
|Fantasy Gang Bang||Encounters||May 14, 2002|
|Big Dick and Poppers||Encounters||May 19, 2002|
|The Reservation||Encounters||May 20, 2002|
|Friday Afternoon||Encounters||May 25, 2002|
|Play Ball||Encounters||Jun 2, 2002|
|Straight Blow Job||Encounters||Jun 7, 2002|
|Latin Thong||Encounters||Jun 19, 2002|
|Group Suck||Encounters||Jul 7, 2002|
|Sunday Morning||Encounters||Apr 26, 2004|
|Patrick Young||Clay||Beginnings||July 22, 2003|
|Tom Wyatt||TNT Files||Adult Friends||May 28, 2003|
|Slave To Love||Authoritarian||CURRENT|