HOW WILL I GO ON ?
The following fictional story deals with sex among males. If you are offended by such material, are too young, or reside in an area where it is not allowed, depart.
Though not observed in this story, care enough about
yourself and humankind to practice safe sex.
"Don't be afraid to take a big step. You can't cross a chasm in two small jumps."
David Lloyd George
The author retains all rights. No reproductions or links to
other sites are allowed without the author's consent.
Many, many thanks to Tim for proof reading this chapter.
It was pretty rough when I sent it to him, so he had his
work cut out for him.
Also my apologies for the length of time it took to get this done. Work, life, Microsoft,
and a firewall conspired against me.
And finally...Dad, contact has been slim lately but always remember that I'm there with ya in spirit!
Ash - email@example.com
"Shaun, I was raised by parents that didn't tolerate discrimination of any kind. They expected me and my siblings to think for ourselves, to make informed decisions. They had no interest in their children just accepting something because it was the social norm. So when I, and I believe my brother and sister, were faced with "gay" for the first time, we looked at it logically and with an open mind. I met a gay couple when I was in high school. What I saw was two people in love, so I asked myself "what does this mean to me?" I decided at that time that their being gay didn't really affect me in any way. Besides, they weren't trying to force me into anything, they loved each other, they were just a couple. They really were a nice couple. I came to know them well and they are still together. I realized then that truly being gay just meant being in a loving relationship with someone of the same sex. It wasn't about the seamier side of things you hear about. They weren't running around fucking everyone they could, or being "in your face" and pushing their lifestyle at people any more than hetero couples. They were a nice `normal' couple!"
I laughed a little and put on a somewhat pompous air, "I've found in my many years..."
Shaun laughed at me. "You're" not that old!"
"Well, I've found in most things dealing with the news media and other organizations that what they tend to focus on is the negative side of things, or only the things that suit their agenda. You'll hear about Aids and gay baths, and attacks on gay people, and you'll hear that the Bible condemns gay relationships, and that gay teachers prey on their students. You won't hear about the many couples that lead normal lives and have had long-term loving, gay relationships. I prefer to make my own informed decisions, to focus on the positive, to believe the best in people!"
Shaun had been turned to face me, and when he realized I was finished talking he relaxed back into his seat with a very thoughtful look on his face. I wondered just what the thoughts were that were causing the slight crinkle at the corner of his eye and the barely visible, contented smile, on his lips. I was quite surprised when a few minutes later he reached over and squeezed my hand. I looked up at him and saw a tear in his eye.
"Thank you,Ash. You've done more to lift my spirits than anything in the past months! I was so down about leaving home. You've given me hope I never expected to have. I have so many things to think about."
He smiled, turned back, picked up his magazine and started to read.
I had to reflect for a minute on my frame of mind. I was happy that I'd helped Shaun, in some small way, deal with his problems. It certainly hadn't been my intent, although I could see where my relatively innocuous questions and slight probing had focused him on better things than his parents' rejection. I still can't imagine parents turning on a child.
I turned back to my book and was surprised when I felt the slight change in attitude of the plane when we began our decent into San Francisco. Looking at my watch I realized that I'd been completely absorbed in my book for better than two hours. My row mate had dozed off at some point and I couldn't help but study the cute man/boy sitting beside me.
Blinking and yawning as he awakened, it took him a second to orient himself to his surroundings. When he realized where he was, he looked over at me and smiled.
"Have you been to San Francisco before Shaun?"
"Nope, never been this far west. Went to Colorado once to ski but never any farther."
"Then here, trade seats with me. Depending on our approach, you may be able to get a peek at the Golden Gate and Alcatraz and the city as we circle in."
Trading seats was interesting! We folded up the armrests and I scooted over in the seats as he rose up and moved to the right. At one point his jeans encased butt was right in front of me and I swear I could smell "musk of young man" emanating from his nether regions. Whatever the scent it caused my rod to swell and become uncomfortable in my pants. What was happening to me?
Moments later the pilot came on and announced we were beginning our decent and rattled off all the other gibberish about seat backs, tray tables, time and weather.
"Ash, Ash, there it is, I can see the bridge, and Alcatraz and the city! It's beautiful!"
He had reached back with his left hand and tapped me on the thigh, so I dutifully leaned in and looked over his shoulder. He was right, it happened to be a clear day over the bay and you could see everything.
Jacob and I had been to San Francisco one time together. Flying in had been much the same as today, clear and bright with a wonderful view of the city. I had been several times before I met Jacob, but for him it was his first time to the West Coast. He, like Shaun, had marveled at the view as the plane came in.
"Damn babe, it's dark out there!" I had to laugh at Jacob's exclamation. For all his athletic ability and sporting knowledge, he'd never spent much time outdoors, at least what I considered outdoors. We were comfortably ensconced in a borrowed a tent and sleeping bags under a huge redwood in Big Basin Redwoods State Park.
"It is night, there is just a fingernail moon and we are in the woods, guy. It's supposed to be dark" Jacob had walked away from our fire and lantern to go to the men's room when he realized just how dark the woods could be at night. I had been here before and knew that down in these trees dark took on a whole new meaning.
"I don't supposed you need to pee too do you?" he asked, with a little whine in his voice.
I knew he was playing and decided to go along.
"No, I don't really need to, thanks! You can go over alone!"
"But what if I run into some wild animal?" The pouty lips and look he gave me while making that statement with a straight face made me smile inside as I replied that he better not let them get the family jewels.
I rose from my place on the sleeping bag we'd rolled out by the fire smiling and laughing and grabbed him into a hug.
"I better be the only wild animal that ever gets your jewels hon!"
Pulling him close and rising up a bit I licked his hear and whispered, "Come on little boy. I'll protect you from the ferocious animals on the way to the bathroom."
I then took his hand and, pulling him along after me, heading out into the darkness. It was fairly late and we seemed to be the only ones alive at the moment, the light from the bathhouse shining in the distance, the feel of the road under our feet our only guidance.
Once our business was finished I decided to see if Jacob was up for a little fun. Before he could get zipped up I leaned in for a kiss, reaching for the waistband of his shorts. He yelped out loud as I shoved his shorts down, then grabbed him in a hug to stop him from bending over to pull them up. Sliding down I mouthed his soft rod through his briefs, kneading his butt cheeks, working the cotton into his trench, knowing that later I'd sniff them and throw an instant rod. With Jacob distracted I reached down and lifted his feet one at a time, removing the shorts from around his ankles.
"See ya back at the campsite, big guy!" I said as I stood suddenly, twirled the shorts on my finger and walked out the door.
"Are you crazy?" he laughed "Come back here, give me my shorts!"
"Nope, nobody around here right now but us and the critters. Come on and walk back with me, show me your hard, tight ass in those sexy white briefs."
Despite his reservations I could plainly see that Jacob was tenting the briefs. He shrugged, glanced both ways as he exited the bathhouse and followed me into the night.
Back at the campsite he turned the tables on me, grabbing my shirt tail and working it over my head before I could respond. Moving close and shoving his tongue down my throat I could feel his fingers entering the waistband of my shorts. In one swift move he backed away from our kiss, dropped to his knees, taking my shorts and thong down and swallowed my rising cock! As I gasped from the expert deep throating I was receiving, Jacob was moistening a finger in his mouth and moving it to circle my tight hole several times before shoving it directly to my nut.
"Oh, gawd, Jacob, slow down babe, let me get to you!"
Shaking his head "no" caused new feelings to erupt along my shaft. I was quickly reaching the point of no return, rising on the balls of my feet, clenching my fists, panting, trying not to bellow out and wake other campers.
As swiftly as he'd started, he stopped, leaving me on the edge of eruption. Grabbing me behind my knees Jacob forcibly collapsed me onto my back on the sleeping bags, grabbed my legs, shoved them back and planted his cotton covered boner in my crack. "You're mine now, babe"
I felt him pull back just a bit and fumble with the briefs, not removing them but at least getting them out of the way. After that his movements were swift and sure and I loved the look in his eye as he planted his pole deep in me. He was taking me, making me his, claiming me, but I could see and feel the love emanating from him.
Moments or hours later, I don't really know, I was panting, back arched, shooting ropes of cum onto my own face, tasting myself. Jacob screamed between closed teeth, pounded my ass deep, each stroke nailing my nut. He'd gotten really good at locating my prostate when he fucked me and was using that knowledge to keep me coming and coming. As my cock flexed and tried to shoot cum that wasn't there I felt Jacob go rigid and shoot in my ass.
Rotating his hips he pumped deep, flexing his back, pressing his hips tight to mine. I felt him relax a bit before he reversed and pulled his hardness completely from my channel! Pausing for long seconds, I felt a shot on my gaping hole before Jacob plunged deep again, sliding in effortlessly on fresh slick cum. Small pumps, punctuated by the sound of his hips slapping my ass brought him to completion, breathless, gasping "OH... OH... OH" the only sound he made.
After recovering a bit, Jacob rose and offered me a hand. Once standing he gathered the sleeping bag, and opened the tent. Holding the flap aside I entered first, stooping to crawl in onto the sleeping bag spread out there. The other sleeping bag passed my head as I cleared the door and I felt Jacob's hands on my exposed hips. Holding me in place, he put his tongue at the bottom of my crack, dragging slowly upward, gently probing my hole before continuing. When he reached the top he continued until he was completely over my back, his renewed hardon resting against my still slick hole.
"Drop on down babe, then let me back in."
Doing just that, Jacob entered my slippery channel and then pulled me over onto my side, spooning me tightly. He drew my head back and kissed me, sharing some of his essence from my ass.
"I love you Ash, now and always. Your taste, your smell, your feel, all of it."
"I love you too, Jacob, I love you too!"
Dragging the bag from outside over top of us we dropped off to sleep in that position.
I was returned to reality by the thump of tires hitting runway.
"Ash, what's the matter?" Shaun asked
I realized that I had tears running down my cheeks.
"San Francisco brings back some memories, Shaun, that's all. Good memories actually."
After finally being able to stand and stretch, Shaun and I proceeded off the plane and up the concourse. I spotted Patrick off to the left past the security gate about the same time Shaun spotted his uncle off to the right. We separated and went after our respective rides.
"Hiya buddy," Patrick exclaimed, wrapping me in a hug before pulling back and planting a kiss on my lips.
Sinking into his embrace, I realized just how much physical contact I hadn't had in the six months since Jacob's death.
"Damn, boy, you're wasting away! I'm gonna put some meat on those bones again while you're here!"
"Yes, Mom!" I said, smiling at Patrick. You couldn't help but love the guy.
Stepping back from his embrace, I noticed that Shaun had walked over and from the look on his face he had observed Patrick's welcome kiss.
I turned Patrick by the elbow.
"Patrick I'd like you to meet Shaun Johnston, my row mate on the trip out. Shaun, Patrick."
They shook hands and appraised each other before Shaun turned to the handsome thirthsomething beside him and introduced his uncle.
"Ash, Patrick, this is my uncle Hunter Johnston."
After shaking hands all around I wondered aloud whether one of the natives could manage to get us to baggage claim. They both laughed and said almost as one, "Right this way."
While waiting for luggage to start appearing from the black hole that seems to be every airport's luggage claim, I excused myself to use the men's room.
I was just unzipping and digging for the equipment when someone moved up to the urinal next to me. Glancing over I saw that it was Hunter, and couldn't help glancing down to check him out. As I looked up again I noticed him doing the same and we both smiled.
"Shaun told me how nice you were to him on the plane, what you did for him. I want to thank you. He doesn't deserve to be treated the way my brother has treated him."
"I don't think so either. He's a really nice kid."
"Yeah he is! Ash are you gay? Before you get bent outta shape, I'm asking because Shaun saw the kiss and I practically had to peel his jaw off the floor."
I had to laugh. That Shaun would seen the kiss had occurred to me as soon as Patrick did it.
"Yes, Hunter, I am gay. I didn't tell Shaun that on the plane because I thought he needed to feel as if people could accept him for who he is whether he's gay or not. Maybe I should have just told him, but it seemed at the time that not mentioning it was right. I assume that you and he will be having a long conversation on the way home. Why don't you tell him that I am and why I didn't say anything."
"I understand, and I'll do that. Is Patrick more than a friend?"
I laughed as I tucked things back in place, stepped back and zipped up.
"No, Patrick's been a good friend for a long time. My partner was killed in an auto crash about six months ago. Nasty intersection, rainy night, inexperienced kid at the wheel, truly an accident but not easy to accept in any case. We'd known each other for nine years, been partners for five. I'm here because my business partner thinks I need to get my act together."
Grasping me by the shoulders, Hunter looked into my eyes and expressed his sympathy. We proceeded to wash up and leave the men's room to find Shaun and Patrick with the luggage.
Pulling Shaun into a hug, I wished him well and then pressed my business card into his hand.
"Call my cell number anytime. I'd like to stay in touch, maybe get together for lunch or dinner."
He smiled and nodded, seeming pleased that we'd be able to keep in touch.
The next week was full of activity. Patrick had taken off a few days from work. We went into the city and did "tourist" things. We worked on some home repairs. I read, and slept and got some sun.
The first weekend I was there we headed for a B & B in wine country and ate and drank good wine and relaxed. It was good to be away, but troubling that I seemed to forget Jacob. Patrick, however, was always there to squeeze my hand and assure me that Jacob would have enjoyed what we were doing. I came to understand that Patrick wanted me to realize I could enjoy things, live a little, and not forget Jacob. Jacob wasn't there physically, but he'd always be in my heart and mind.
"Patrick, thank you for a wonderful weekend! I know what you were doing and I love you for it. I think now I do see that life goes on. Jacob will always be with me but I can enjoy things."
"I wasn't too subtle, I guess, but after talking to Connie I thought I needed to force you to have some fun."
Companionable silence ensued until my cell phone started chirping. After taking the call I closed the phone and sat there in stunned silence.
Patrick startled me with a light punch on the shoulder. "Well, you going to keep me in suspense, or tell me what's got you off in Neverland?"
"It was Hunter. He wanted to tell me Shaun has tried, and thankfully failed, to kill himself. He's asking to see me."
"Which hospital?" was Patrick's only reply.
All feedback and comments welcome! PLEASE let me know what you think.
Ash - firstname.lastname@example.org
Finally...let me plug some friend's stories here. These guys have all provided me
encouragement and guidance, and been wonderful friends,
so I'm going to point their stories out to you. Click on the links for some great reading.