Searching for a life
Stevie sat in front of his computer, fingers flying deftly over the keyboard, eyes riveted to the screen in front of him. For two years now he had been talking with the people in this channel on IRC. He felt that through them, with them, he was starting to live again. Most of the regulars knew a little about him, and some of the things he had been through. He tried in ways to know everyone that frequented the channel, feeling that if he could reach out to the ones that were hurting, he could in someway make up for failing so miserably with Timmy.
There was PappaBear, a close, dear friend that had talked him through some rough times. Munkyboi, who he had developed an odd friendship with, although they had never met face to face. and so many others that came and went. Tonight it happened to be a teenager that filled his thoughts. His name was Carey, a boy of 16, not too tall, slim, dark haired, and all alone. His parents were abusive drunks, content to come and go without a care or concern for the boy. He talked to him most nights, understood, sympathized.
Stevie knew that Carey was hurting badly tonight, after talking to the boy for over a year he had learned to read Carey's mood by his words. He knew that Carey was so close to giving up on himself sometimes, and tonight seemed especially bad. Carey had been in a fight with his father, lost badly, and was hurting immensely. He talked of running away, to anyplace where he didn't have to cope with his dad, or his mother for that matter. He talked about how he wished he had a close friend to go to, someone that would care about him. His eyes silently filled with tears as he listened to Carey tell of the latest scrape with his dad, he felt his outrage grow.
"Why the fuck does it have to be this way dammit" he thought.
To the best of Stevie's knowledge, there was no one that Carey trusted outside of the channel, no one that even knew about him, or the things he was dealing with. Life can be lonesome on the high line, it's a sparsely populated area in northern Montana. Carey had talked about some relatives that were scattered across the country, but didn't seem to know any of them real well. He thought back to when he had run away, to the things he had lived through and decided that somehow this wouldn't be the path Carey would follow. He knew all to well how bad it could get and didn't want Carey to have to face the things he had. Several hours later Stevie pulled his Ford pickup into the parking lot of a motel in Wolf Point Montana, and waited there in the darkness for Carey.
He had dozed off into a restless sleep in the cab of his pickup, waiting there in the dim glow of the dash lights for Carey to find him. He tossed and thrashed about in his sleep, dreaming of monsters that were still real to him. As he awoke he felt the presence of another there in the truck with him, and knew it had to be Carey.
"Well hello there... Carey?" he said groggily, as he eyed the boy to his right.
"Hey" Carey responded
"You sure you want to go Carey?"
"Yeah, let's get the fuck outta here... Please"
Stevie started the pickup
and turned east onto Hwy. 2, into the pale blue black of early morning.
He and the boy talked as they drove, sometimes about nothing, but Stevie
knew that it mattered. Knew that just listening to the boy ramble was a
good sign, one that said this boy wasn't lost, at least not totally.
Later that afternoon they wound their way up a small back road outside Greycliff, a small town bordering the northern edge of Yellowstone National Park, climbing through steep gravel roads which in themselves were not much more than skidder trails. Stevie liked it out there in the middle of nowhere, with no one but himself and his dog, and now Carey.
Stevie had 30 acres buried way off in the hills outside of town. It was his place to hide and escape his demons, his place to avoid having to risk facing another situation that might tear him up as the previous ones in his life had. A simple cabin with space enough for Stevie to relax and write his books, and a spare room for the occasional guest. Stevie had moved here after his hitch with the military, opting to chase a lifelong ambition of writing. At this point he was doing well with his career, having had several of his works published.
As the weeks past, Carey slowly opened up to him, telling him more about his life, parents, friends, and in turn, Stevie opened up to Carey and told him more of his time growing up. He told him of Tim, the things they went through, the love they shared. Stevie found himself enjoying Carey's company quite a bit. Some days they rode out through the hills on horseback, other days, they went their own separate ways and did what needed to be done. Life was simple for them both for a time, nothing out of the ordinary to deal with or expect, and no one close enough to bother them.
Then in Carey's third week there, he told him about his cousin Kurt. Carey told him all of what little he knew of his cousin, about how the family very rarely spoke of him. To the best of his knowledge, Kurt was gay, and ostracized by the family. He didn't know much about him, but did know that he lived in the north east somewhere, his full name, and that he drove a truck for a living. He said that he would like to find Kurt, that maybe Kurt could be the one to help him out. With the information Stevie had received from Carey, Stevie started to formulate a plan.
For the next few days Stevie made inquiries into the possible whereabouts of Carey's cousin Kurt. He contacted old acquaintances in the military, and a few in the law enforcement community that he knew. At least he thought that it would be alot more suitable for Carey's parents to know that Carey was with family instead of a stranger, and he knew full well that Carey wouldn't have a decent opportunity to grow and become a well rounded young man stuck out in the woods, as Stevie chose to be. He knew that there were better ways to deal with life and it's pains, even if he couldn't face it himself.
Through the time Carey had been there with him, Stevie had been thinking about how to handle the situation that now existed with Carey's parents. Did he call them and let them know the boy was all right, what would have to happen because they had surely reported Carey missing. Truth be known, he really didn't give a shit about Carey's parents, or whether they knew anything more about Carey, but he know that for carey to be able to start to rebuild his life, he had to make some effort to resolve the issues that could keep Carey in hiding. He decided that the best thing to do was sit and discuss the options that they had with Carey.
That night over a dinner of venison and corn, Stevie brought up the things that had been on his mind.
"Hey, listen, I've been thinking about some stuff, and I wanna talk it over with you."
"Kay." Carey replied
"I think we need to get hold of your folks and let them know your all right."
"I know, I know... But if we don't Carey, it's only gonna get worse, and your probably gonna be ducking the law till your 18. I know you don't care right now, but I've been there and it sucks. It aint worth it man..."
Carey looked up from his plate into Stevie's eyes. "I really don't care about them ya know, I mean, I do, but then again I don't. They don't care about me, all they ever do is bust my hump about gettin chores done, and shit like that, like I'm some sort a slave or something. You know what me and the old man fought about the night you came and got me... He was pissed cause I was late home from school. I was tryin to keep outta trouble, ya know, avoiding a fight with this kid named Kelley. He's a bully, I coulda kicked his ass, I know I could, but it wasn't worth it, ya know? So instead of making it to the bus and home on time, I ducked out with a few people I know and got a ride home with them. I mean I try to keep outta trouble, and it's never good enough for them. I tried to tell him why I was late and he called me a pussy for duckin the fight, and if I had fought him, I'd have been fucked anyway cause the old bastard don't want any calls bout me fightin... Cant win nohow" he mumbled.
"I get the point man, but it don't change the fact that we gotta resolve things one way or another, lets do this, I have to run up to Bozeman tomorrow. We can call from there and see what happens, at the least, they'll know that your ok, and we can get a feel on whats gonna have to happen to keep you and them separated. I really don't wanna see you on the run for the next few years, you don't deserve that." Stevie said softly.
Carey sat quietly at the table thinking over what Stevie had said. "It can't be that bad, I mean look at you, you did ok didn't ya?"
Stevie didn't answer, rather he rose from his chair and walked around the table to where Carey sat. He quickly reached out and grabbed Carey, pulling him from his seat, toppling that chair and table in the process. Stevie calmly and deliberately smiled at Carey as he moved a hand to the boy's throat, and slammed him up against the wall of the cabin. Stevie used his free hand to reach down and unbutton the boy's pants, and yank them down off his hips.
Carey, at this point, was struggling and screaming, begging for Stevie to stop what he was doing. The terror in his eyes, the calmness in Stevie's, totally contrasting. Carey began to thrash violently as Stevie tightened his grip as he moved Carey over to the couch and forced him down onto his stomach. Stevie had little problem handling Carey as the boys efforts quickly exhausted him. After pinning Carey on the couch, Stevie made sure the boy could hear him unzip his pants as he got on the couch and straddled the boy's legs. He bent over carey, putting his full weight on the boy and put his mouth to the boys ear.
"Carey" he whispered
quietly, as he loosened his grip on the boy's neck
"That's what I don't want you to face. I don't want you hurt anymore than you have been, I don't want you to see what I've seen or have to live with what I've had to live with... sure your a tough kid, but your no match for some psycho that's lookin to take what he want's no matter what the cost."
He zipped his jeans up and then pulled the boy to his feet, helped him pull his pants up and get them fastened before holding Carey at arms length, looking him in the eyes. "Do you understand now Carey?"
Carey nodded yes as he looked at him through red teary eyes. Stevie sat down on the couch and pulled Carey gently to him, held him, and stroked the boy's hair. Carey sobbed quietly, trembling, not quite sure that Stevie wouldn't hurt him.
" I'm sorry Carey, it was the only way I could be sure you'd see what I meant. I wouldn't hurt you for anything."
Carey didn't speak,
only snuggled deeper into Stevies arms in reply, wishing that he could
forget the feelings he had right now. Carey cried softly, it's also where
they both fell asleep, Stevie happy that he had managed to make his point
but losing himself to dreams of his time on the run. Carey, thinking more
about the realities he faced, hoping that he wouldn't have nightmares to
*** Well, thats it for now folks, hope you enjoyed it! I'll have another chapter up within a few weeks. I'd like to thank a certain someone who wrote and asked for more *smile* you know who you are. To all the rest of you out there, lemme know what ya think, if ya like it, please drop me a line, I'd love to hear from you. Theres alot of reality in what I'm writing, and alot of fiction, but what it's about for me is a chance to paint a picture of part of my life, and in a way, to honor those people that have helped me through my life, I love y'all. =o) ***