This is a work of fiction. Names, characters, places and incidents are the product of the author's imagination and any resemblance to actual persons, business establishments or events is entirely coincidental. Comments and feedback are highly appreciated, send to


Chapter 1.

It always ends the same. He puts a wad of cash on the table and starts getting dressed.

"I don't want your money," I tell him, still laying in bed and frowning. He picks up his white shirt from the floor and puts it on. It's wrinkled, and he does his best to smooth it out. Finally he sighs and gives up. He turns to face me as he closes button after button.

"You need money Lee, " he finally says.

"Yeah, but I don't need your money," I reply frustrated.

"Does it really matter whose money it is? Stop being so proud." He finishes closing his shirt and I immediately start missing his body. His hard chest, where my head was laying only a few moments ago. Hard like stone, that's the best description of Jack. My eyes follow him as he walks over to the dresser and picks up his wedding ring. He puts the silver band on his finger and then leans down to get his tie off the ground. He carelessly throws it around his neck and starts looking around for something else. I get up, naked, and hand him the black pants I figure he's searching for.

"Thanks," he replies and puts them on. I get closer, and the tension is there again. Why is this feeling so much more intense with him than with any other man? Why does this crazy, married, fucked up, control freak of a guy, make my palms sweaty and my heart beat out of my chest? I start tying his tie while glaring at him. He stares right back, smirking at me. I finish with the tie and he goes over to a chair by the desk and picks up his black jacket. He reaches into a pocket and pulls out his cuff links. He puts them in, completely ignoring me and whistling to himself. I turn around and start walking to the bathroom in my nude state. The whistling immediately stops, and I smile to myself. My little plan to grab his attention back has worked. I can feel a pair of hungry eyes firmly planted on the sight of my behind. All of a sudden I hear him move and before I even knew what's happening he is right behind me, hugging me. We walk into the bathroom together, and stand in front of the large mirror. My had cocked to the side as his mouth explores my neck and his groping hands touch my naked body. What is it about this 35 year old, stiff businessman, that attracted a 21 year old free spirit college drop out, whose parents were both hippies? I swear they would both have strokes if they saw who I was sleeping with. Maybe that's part of his charm, the insane contrast between us. My parents both know I'm gay, and they are more than happy and completely proud of me. They didn't really even care when I dropped out of college, all they wanted was for me to pursue my passions and be happy. Unfortunately that means I'm still broke and still living with them while trying to figure out what those passions are exactly.

"I wish you didn't have to go," I say.

"Me too," Jack replies and kisses me gently on the side of my head. Then his body and his warmth are gone all of a sudden, and I hear him walk back into the living room. I don't even get a bye when I heard the door to our hotel room close. Yup, I definitely hate this part. I slowly walk into the shower and turn it on. I wash away any remanent of Jack left on my body. Why does this have to be so painful? I could imagine him going back home, entering the beautiful modern house that I'm sure he possesses, being greeted by the beautiful perfect wife that I'm sure he has, and having a sweet romantic dinner together. I want to cry at the thought of it. I wonder if he even thinks of me outside of this hotel room. I get out of the shower and get dressed. I look at the money on the table and even though I don't want to, I take it. I leave the hotel and go back home, which always feels like coming to another planet. My parents are in the garden, sharing a joint. I grab a few drinks form the fridge and go out to join them.


I pull my black Bugatti Veyron into the garage and proceed to sit there for about fifteen minutes. I can hear noises coming from my house. Another fucking party. "Whenever you're angry count to ten and breathe", I hear my therapists' voice in my head. I get to five before I punch the car's sleek interior so hard that I know it will demand fixing. My anger goes away just as quickly as it came. Now I'm focused on the throbbing pain in my hand. I open the glove compartment and pull out a Glenmorangie 1977. It will have to do, I think looking at it and wondering why I don't have something more expensive for occasions like this. I drink until I no longer feel the pain in my hand. I put the bottle away and get out of the car. I put my jacket on and take out my briefcase. I walk into the large house, which doesn't feel like a home but more like a museum. I know that it's mostly my fault, but I pretend it's hers anyway. Her and her love of vintage furniture, making this place look like a fucking exhibit. I make my way through the long hallway and come into what my wife calls the "party room." There are about fifty people inside, sitting, drinking, chatting, standing, and overall looking like fucking assholes. And I have to fit in with these assholes, everyday of my life.

"Jack, there you are," calls one of the bigger assholes as he makes his way over to me. I smile.

"Logan, good to see you."

"It's been too long my friend," he says slowly sipping from a scotch glass. My scotch glass. We make small talk and I smile and laugh and pretend to give a fuck. And then repeat it with fourteen other assholes. I hate all these people. I walk over to the bar at the far end of the room.

"An old fashioned please," I say sitting down. The bored bar tender nods.

"There you are darling," my wife says very loudly as she makes her way over to me. "Where were you?" She proceeds asking, much more silently.

"Work emergency," I respond not even looking at her. I get my drink. I can feel her eyes burning holes into my skull.

"What?" I snap.

"Oh nothing darling," she finally says, her voice on the verge of trembling, a sure sign she's about to cry. I look at her wondering what the fuck I've done this time. "It's just that you have a hickey on your neck. Silly me, I must have accidentally given you one." She smiles weakly. I stare at her, and feel bad. She doesn't deserve this. Then almost as soon as I start caring, I stop.

"Yeah, yeah you must have." I slowly turn back to the bar tender and ask for another drink. She walks away.


Pressure, amazing pressure as he fills me to the core of my soul. He's moving slow and fast, fast and slow, as I moan loudly. Nothing has ever felt this good before. His hands are always grabbing, soft, hard, never satisfied, always hungry.

"You like that don't you?" He asks and his voice is harsh and low.

"Yeah," I manage to say in between heavy breathing and moans. His hands are pulling my hips back and forth as he slams into me again and again. Then he slows down and leans into my back. I look back at him and he grabs my face with one hand.

"You're fucking mine," he says slowly going in and out in between each word.

"Yeah baby," I whisper back.

"Yeah?" he asks. I nod.

"Good," he says and lets me go. He picks up his pace and I hear a guttural moan as with a final thrust he spills into my body and I go with him. He collapses on the bed and turns so he's laying on his back. His chest is heaving up and down and he's covered with a sheen of lick able looking sweat. I lay on my side, propped up on my elbow, looking at him. There's only one thing I want to say, but of course it doesn't leave my lips because I know it would upset him.

"Come here," he says, and it's not a request but rather a command. I slowly move over to him and lay my head on his chest. I listen to the thudding inside, surprised he has a heart like everyone else. I feel his hand grab and squeeze my sweaty behind.

"You have the nicest ass," he whispers possessively. I smile.

"Yeah? You like it?" I ask looking up at him.

He looks down at me and raises an eyebrow. "Fuck yes, the nicest ass I've ever seen." I kiss his chest and start drawing patterns with my finger. His phone vibrates on the table, and I groan and sit up knowing he probably has to leave. But he shuts me up when he suddenly grabs me and starts kissing me passionately. I lay back down and he possessively grabs my face with his hand. His tongue probes every inch of my mouth, and I begin moaning loudly. I'm starting to think I have a moaning problem, since I've never behaved like this with anyone else. He gets on top of me and pulls my arms up over my hand, never breaking our kiss. I've never been this aroused so soon after having an orgasm. This man is a magician. He holds my wrists with one hand and pulls up my leg with the other. He explores every single inch of my thigh and finally puts my leg over his shoulder. He breaks the kiss and looks at me like I'm dinner and he hasn't eaten in a week.

"Again?" I ask surprised and he smiles a mischievous smile in reply.

"Don't close your eyes," he demands and drives his large member slowly into me, all the while never breaking eye contact. I moan as I struggle not to close my eyes. The feeling of him in me is exquisite. I keep looking at him as he pulls almost all the way out. Then slowly comes right back in as I bite my lip in pleasure. His arms are now on the either sides of my face.

"Good boy," he says softly. I smile. He leans down and starts kissing me again and I'm in heaven. "You're so beautiful," he says in between kisses, as I groan.


Soon after the second time I get up and start putting on my clothes. I know he doesn't like it because he's pouting. I give him some money, but of course he refuses to take it. He doesn't want to feel used, I suppose. He doesn't want to think I'm paying him for it. I don't give a fuck, I leave it on the table. I want him to have my money. Maybe he's right not to want my money, I think to myself. Maybe I am trying to buy him. But buying Lee would be impossible, it would be like trying to buy nature, or energy, or somebody's smile, or the essence of the sun and happiness and goodness. Lee is like a force of nature, young, bright, honest, beautiful, full of life and dreams. And I know that no matter how hard I try, I will never be able to buy him. He walks to the bathroom naked and his behind is one amazing sight. I grab him wanting to do it again but realize that I need to go or all hell will break loose at home. I kiss Lee and leave the room. As I walk back to my car I become more and more angry. I am away from the source of my light now, and all that's left is the rotten person inside of me.


He sits there looking miserable, smoking a cigarette and drinking scotch or something. How can he look so calm at a time like this? My friend mindlessly chats away about her daughter's birthday party but I ignore her as politely as possible. My marriage is falling apart, and he's just sitting there. How can he just sit there? Who can she be? Surely not the secretary from work? She's in her thirties and married. Maybe one of his assistants? But I've never really noticed anything special about any one of them. I would have noticed if it was somebody from work. It must be a client then. Or a client's wife. I bite my fingernails, just like I did when I was a little girl. How can he do this to me? And how can he look so calm. I'm going to talk to him tonight. This will end. He can't just come home with a hickey and think he's going to get away with it.


I walk into the bedroom, so drunk I can barely stand. I kick off my shoes and start undoing my tie. She walks in behind me, quietly. She's still wearing her sparkly party dress. It's making me dizzy.

"Who is she?"

"What?" I ask confused.

"Who are you sleeping with?" She asks icily.

"Oh," I mumble. "I don't know what you're talking about."

"Don't do that. Don't ignore me Jack! Don't treat me like your dumb little trophy wife!" I look at her annoyed.

"I'm not having an affair. It's just a bruise so stop being ridiculous and let's go to sleep." But this only infuriates her further. She looks like a wounded, kicked puppy. Her eyes are searching the room in panic for something, anything. Finally she reaches for the flower vase and chucks it at me full force. I move out of the way just in time as the vase crashes on the floor behind me. I've had enough. I walk over to her trying to count to ten, but I can't count and I can't breathe. I grab her arm so hard she yelps. "Don't fucking throw my own vase at me in my own fucking house. Have you lost your fucking mind completely, huh?" She looks afraid. "I have to put up with your fucking parties, and your fucking vintage furniture, and your dumb fucking friends, and let you drain me and hang on me like the weight of the world, and you're going to throw a fucking vase at me?" By now she's crying.

"You don't mean that, you're drunk," she says more to herself than to me. I let go of her arm and pull myself together.

"You're right. I'm gonna sleep at a hotel tonight." I say and start to leave. She begs me to stay but I refuse. I can't stand the sight of her. I'm a horrible human being.


I stand in front of the hotel door silently scolding myself. "Why Lee, why are you here," I ask myself. He texted me letting me know where he'll be staying and that he'd love it if I came over. So now I'm standing in front of the door, knowing that I shouldn't. He's a married man, and not only that but he's got a lot of issues. But I knock anyway. He opens the door. He looks very disheveled compared to his usual sleek self. His crumpled shirt is halfway open and he has a drink in hand. He let's me through.

"You're drunk," I say as I pass.

"You're beautiful," he says and closes the door. He comes toward me and I move away until my back hits the wall. He pins me against the wall with his body. He kisses me, and the odor of alcohol is so strong I feel intoxicated just smelling it.

"Jack, you're drunk," I say pushing him away.

"So? That's never stopped you from sucking my cock before," he says and I slap him and head for the door angry and hurt.

"Wait, wait," he says chasing after me while laughing. He grabs my arm and I turn around infuriated.

"You think this is funny?"

"No, no baby I don't," he says trying to straighten his face, but he's still smiling.

"Let go of my arm, I don't want to be here." The smile leaves his face.

"Please don't go, please. I'm begging you. I'll do anything," he pleads. It's the first time I've heard Jack asking nicely for anything. Fuck.

"Fine, but keep your hands off of me."

"Of course," he says letting go of my arm. "I'll be a perfect gentleman."

"Yeah, uh ah," I say skeptically and walk further into his suite. Of course he picked the most ostentatious place, I think as I walk into the adjacent living room. His hotel suite looks bigger than my entire house. I slowly make my way to the couch and sit down. He stands in the doorway with his drink, looking at me.

"I meant what I said you know, you really are beautiful." I ignore him. He smiles. He enjoys games, and I know I'm only helping him in his possession fantasy. He slowly comes towards me. I try to look unaffected, but inside I feel the tension building. He sits down on the floor right across from me and puts his drink next to him. He reaches for my feet and takes off my shoes. He then slowly takes off my socks.

"You have really nice feet," he says caressing them. The feeling of him touching my toes is for some strange reason so erotic that for a second I forget I'm mad at him. My breathing  picks up. He licks my instep while looking at me and I groan. He kisses my toes. I notice the arousal in his pants and lean my head back at the amazing feeling of his tongue on my foot.

"I really do love your feet," he says getting up.

"Get up," he orders. I'm in a daze and ignore the voice telling me that I wasn't supposed to do this tonight. He takes off my pants, and then my boxers. I step out of them.

"Turn around, and kneel on your hands and knees, on the couch," he orders. I do as I'm told. He takes off his shirt and proceeds to caress my behind. I can feel the hardness of his manhood through his pants, which are roughly grazing my butt. I moan. He backs away and picks up his drink. He slowly takes a sip all the while looking at me. I feel cold without him. He comes back again and slaps my butt, gently but firmly. I groan and bite my lip, he smirks.

"This is a really nice bum," he says in a matter of fact tone of voice. He spreads my butt cheeks and I groan, feeling completely exposed. His thumb grazes my opening and it's like an electric shock. I'm beyond hard at this point. He puts his thumb in his mouth and then, when it's wet with his saliva, he slowly puts it inside of me. I pant, and know that I'm about to start begging for more. I curse myself for being so weak. His finger explores my inside as I involuntarily move against it, wanting to feel more of him inside me. Finally I give up and say

"Jack, please." He smiles, pleased with himself.

"Yes darling?" I know I'm going to have to say it, but I refuse to be vulgar like I know he wants me to.

"Please, please put it in me." He raises an amused eyebrow.

"Put what in you baby?"

"You know what," I growl back.

"I'm afraid you're gonna have to say it sweets." I put my sarcastic face on.

"Put your giant, ginormous, bigger than anything I've ever seen, penis inside of me. Is that better?" I ask annoyed. He doesn't look pleased. He takes his thumb out of me.

"No, you're going to have to do better than that." He kneels down and bites my thigh gently. I groan. He picks up his drink and spreads my butt again. He slowly pours it starting at the top of my butt. The drink trickles down and stings and like hell.

"Ow, stop it stings," I complain.

"Good," he says smiling. He then licks the wet trail the drink left behind and I moan loudly. He comes back down and flicks my opening with his tongue.

"Jack, please," I try again.

"You have to say it baby."

"What do you want me to say?" I ask trying to somehow win this futile argument.

"That you need me to fuck you. That you can't live without my cock inside you. That you want me to fill you with my man juice....Any one of these will work actually," he says amused and takes another sip of his drink.

"I'm glad my suffering is amusing to you," I shoot back.

"All you need to do is say it like you mean it, and then you can have it all night long, any way you want," he says and I gulp hard. It's really a good offer. But instead I say

"I hate you, how does that sound?" For some reason I am unable to beg him, even though I know the pleasure it will eventually bring to both of us. But I don't want another one night stand, and I'm tired of being his play thing. I get up and he looks annoyed.

"Why are you so opposed to begging me for things?"

"Because I'm not your toy," I say standing face to face with him now. God, it's so hard to say no to this man who even piss drunk still manages to look like perfection. He grinds his jaw and I can see he's getting really pissed off. I know he has anger issues, but I'm not really scared of him.

"Why do you have to be so aggravating Lee? We both want the same thing."

"I don't think we do," I reply all of a sudden feeling sad at that realization. "I want more than you do, you know that." He sighs exasperated.

"What do you want me to do? Leave my wife? Would that make you happy?"

"I don't know, is that something you want to do?" I ask. He looks puzzled and speechless. He licks his lips annoyed and I realize I'm still excited. I grab my boxers to cover myself.

"Don't," he says gently and grabs my arm.

"What?" I ask.

"Don't cover yourself, you're so beautiful." I roll my eyes.

"You're avoiding the question Jack." He sighs again.

"I can't deal with all of this tonight. You're asking me for too much and not giving me any time to think about things. I can't just get up and change my whole life Lee. I'm not 21," he says and I sense fatigue in his voice. I look down.

"I think I need to go." He sits down on the couch.

"Can't you stay? I swear I'll stop trying to grope you." I shake my head no.

"Lee, please. Don't you wanna cuddle? I want to be close to you tonight. Please." Fuck, here I go giving in again.

"Fine," I sigh. "I'm gonna go take a bath," I say and add "alone!" when I see the question forming on his face.

"But I reek like a bar. I know you don't want to cuddle with this. It'll just be a quick bath, no funny business."

"Fine," I say again and he smiles like a little boy on Christmas morning. The bathtub is huge and takes forever to fill. I add some vanilla smelling bubble bath and watch it slowly go up. Finally I get in. Jack comes from the living room with a new drink.

"I thought you were done for tonight," I comment.

"I will be. After this one." He comes in behind me and puts his arms and legs around me, trapping my entire body in his warm and wet embrace. At first my body tenses up, but after a minute of him not doing anything questionable I ease back into his arms. He gently kisses the side of my head and then starts massaging my shoulders. It feels amazing. Finally I put my head back on his chest, as his muscular arms envelop me. I turn my face up and we kiss slowly. It's different than most of our kisses, this one is quiet, and sweet. I can feel him controlling himself, and making sure he's gentle, and I appreciate the effort. I put my hand on the back of his neck drawing his face further down to mine. He deepens the kiss, and his tongue starts feelings like it's a permanent part of my mouth. I groan with pleasure, completely hard again. This back and forth thing is starting to really hurt. He breaks the kiss and I instantly miss the feel of his mouth. He gives me one more peck and then hands me the soap.

"Before you start looking like an old lady," he says and winks, and I splash water in his face. I quickly wash myself and get out of the tub, telling Jack he can have fun washing all by himself after the old lady comment. He laughs, and it's the first laugh of his that sounds real. Like he's finally relaxed and actually happy. I dry myself off in the living room and make my way to the bedroom. I lay down and pull the crisp white sheets over me. Jack comes in soon after and I close my eyes. He turns out the light and gets into bed very softly. He kisses my shoulder and puts and arm over me. I fall asleep feeling happy.