Like Father, Like Son
Copyright / Disclaimer
Copyright 2001, Duke Price
This story contains descriptions of sexual acts between boys of similar ages. If this is not to your tastes or is not legal in your locality, please leave now! The story and its associated characters are entirely fictional and any resemblance to people, living or otherwise, is purely coincidental. Please bare in mind when you read this, that this story takes place in the early 70's. That was a time before HIV/AIDS. If you are going to engage in sex, remember to please be safe!
Like every other author out in cyberland, I would love to hear what you think of my story. My email address is email@example.com
J L J L J L J L J L J L J L J L J L J L J L J L
I sighed and somehow found the courage to look at Paula who had remained quiet throughout my story.
"Pretty crazy, aye?"
She laughed and said. "What I've heard so far is that you thought Michael was good looking. John, there are girls that I find attractive. We all can appreciate beauty. Then there's the time where you had the threesome. I don't see anything abnormal about that either. I always fantasized about doing that! You actually got to live out my fantasy! However, I am surprised that you were sexually active at such young age!"
"You have fantasized about having a threesome?"
"Sure I think that it would be fun to have a threesome!" She said smiling.
"It's interesting that we can be married for 15 years and not know everything about each other!"
"You're telling me! I've been married to you and I find out that my conservative husband has had an affair with guy!"
I winced at that and said. "There's more to tell you. Do you want me to continue?"
"Please continue!" She said smiling.
The days that followed were pure hell! I avoided Michael and Sharon. Word got out that Michael and I had sex with Sharon. Turns out that Jimmy was spreading the news and made darn sure that the Sisters of Mercy heard about it. The three of us were called to the principal's office. When we arrived we were surprised to find our parents sitting and not looking very happy. The three of us stood there fidgeting wondering what was going to happen. Finally Sister Karen and Father Jim entered the small office. I swallowed hard and watched them as they sat down behind the desk.
Sister Karen started the meeting. "I want to thank you all for coming here on such short notice. We have some concerns that we would like to share with you all. There have been some vicious rumors spreading around school that Sharon, Michael and John have been involved in some sexual activities". Gasps were heard as she continued. "We feel it is our duty to inform you of these rumors. We did not feel that it would be appropriate to discuss this over the telephone, so let's start off by asking the children. Are these rumors true?"
We stood there at attention. None of us said anything. The sweat started rolling off of me. Our parents sat there looking at us. I could envision them with Xray vision. After what seemed like hours, Father Jim cleared his throat and said. "Does anyone have anything to say?"
After a long silence, Father Jim said. "Since no one denies these rumors, then I am forced to conclude that the rumors are true and must inform you that Sharon will be served a one week detention during which time she must under go counseling. The boys will be expelled from this school and transferred to two separate catholic schools. They will not be allowed to fraternize with any of the girls until they have completed counseling. If counseling does not take place they will not be allowed to attend any of the Catholic schools in this district.You will need to submit to Sister Karen a note that has been signed by your child's counselor stating that they have begun counseling and again at completion."
I went home with mom and dad. No one said anything. When we stepped into the house I started to run to my room.
"Not so fast young man!" Mom said as I stopped cold in my tracks.
"Let's go into the kitchen."
We sat down. "What do you have to say for yourself?"
"Umm, it's true." I said quietly.
"What boy? I didn't hear you?" Dad said gruffly.
"It's true!" I started to cry. I didn't dare look at either one in the eye. Mom sat there with her arms crossed. Dad sat back in his seat in disbelief.
Dad spoke up. "How could you!"
"Dad! Be quiet!" Mom said looking at him sternly.
"John? Do you understand the seriousness of this?"
I shook my head no.
"Well there are a number reason why you should be concerned about what you did. One, she could press charges. I don't think she will but she could. I know her mother and she's mentioned that they've had Sharon in counseling in the past for this very reason. We'll just have to pray that they won't try to save face and press charges. Secondly, there's a chance that you may have gotten her pregnant and three you may have contracted a sexually transmitted disease. All three are very serious. Not to mention that you now have a reputation that may stay with you for the rest of your life. Down the road parents may be very hesitant about allowing their daughters to date you." She sat back and waited for my reply.
I was crying holding my head in my hands as the seriousness of the situation sank in.
"Son, we will help you through this. We don't have to like what you did, but we love you and will stand by you for support. We all do stupid things don't we Dad?" Mom elbowed dad who seemed to be spacing out.
"Oh yeah, Aaa yes we all do stupid things. As long as we learn from our mistakes . Umm, well this isn't going to be easy for you. And, and I CAN'T BELIEVE YOU HAD SEX! YOU'RE JUST A BOY!" Spit was flying out his mouth as he yelled across the table.
Mom elbowed him again as she silently mouthed, SHUT UP! I cried even harder. "John, is becoming a young man who needs guidance from his father!" She said sternly.
Cowling, dad said. "Yes Jill."
"Now, I want you to call Michael's father to talk about getting these boys some medical attention! Then I want to talk to Michael's mother. John, I want you to go to your room so that dad and I can discuss some things."
"Yes mom!" I ran to my room. I kept my door open so that I could hear what they were saying.
"Hi Tony, this is John. Aha, aha, yes, yes. I see. Umm, Jill and I were just going to suggest that you should maybe have Michael checked for STDs. Kids are going to experiment. I'm not sure that I agree but I can respect that. I think that there are worse things to worry about like maybe STDs or pregnancy. I was thinking that with some guidance from you and me we can keep these boys on the straight and narrow. Oh, I see! Jill was hoping to talk to Mary. OK, well maybe they can talk when she' not so upset. OK Tony. Talk to you later. Bye."
"What did he say?"
"Well Jill, Tony said that John arranged to have Michael present at Sharon's house. Mary doesn't want Michael to be around John any more." At hearing that I started to sob and curled up into the fetal position.
Mom and dad walked into my room and they both sat on the bed trying to console me. "John, stop crying. Everything will be OK." Mom said in her most soothing tone of voice.
"I heard dad's conversation with Tony. I'm never going to get to see Michael again!"
"His mother blames you for getting him involved in this. Is that true?"
"Well, Sharon asked me over to her house and I asked Michael to come along. I wasn't even sure what we were going to do at her house!"
"Of course you didn't force Michael to do any of those things. Michael has a mind of his own. Johnny just let the dust settle. Emotions are flying high right now. I'm sure that his parents will come to their senses."
"I don't think so. Mary has been trying for a long time to get Michael to find new friends this will only help her cause!"
"John, things will get better! All we can do is hope that each of you have learned your lesson. Our job is to give you boys guidance. Make sure that you learn from your mistakes and become responsible young men."
"Thanks, Mom and Dad!"
"Go get cleaned up and I'll make us something to eat."
I went through counseling and was transferred to another school. I didn't hear from Michael the rest of the school year. I missed him terribly. Michael was a very obedient son and I was certain that he would not disobey his parent's wishes.
I developed some new acquaintances at school. I didn't try to make any close friends and kept pretty much to myself. People tried to get to know me, but I isolated myself. At night I'd wonder what he was doing. I'd ride my bike near his house but it always looked deserted. He never attempted to contact me and I was sure that he hated me.
Months went by and summer was upon us. I got on the junior baseball team. The coach was impressed with my pitching ability and so I started most of the games. One hot summer day, I was warming up when someone caught my eye. IT WAS MICHAEL! He was warming up with one of his teammates. He seemed to be having a good time as they threw the ball back and forth. I kept warming up and looking over periodically to see what he was doing. After a while I lost sight of him. The game was about to begin so I went and sat in the dug out. I saw him again with his teammate as they were walking back from the concession stand carrying a drink. They seemed to be carrying on quite a conversation. Then I felt something that I had never experienced before. Jealousy! I felt my stomach sink and I wanted to run off. I was brought back to reality when I heard. "JOHN! GET YOUR BUTT OUT ON THE FIELD!"
I ran out to the pitcher's mound and threw a few warm-up pitches. I tried to stay focused. I walked the first batter. The next batter took his place. I kept my eye on the guy who was on first base. Michael caught my eye again when he got into the batter's box and was swinging his bat to warm up. I was able to keep focused and struck out the second batter. It was now Michael's turn to bat. I smiled at him but he didnt even acknowledge me. I kept thinking about him and his teammate. The more I thought about the two of them, the more it pissed me off. The catcher yelled at me as the guy on first base ran to second. I threw the ball to second, but it was too late. Michael stared at me as he focused on each pitch. "Strike ONE!" The umpire yelled out.
Michael didn't seem phased. He just kept staring at me. I can't believe he's not even acknowledging me! I threw the second pitch. "Strike TWO!"
On the third pitch, Michael hit a short one over the third baseman's head and made it to first base. Now I had a guy on first and third.
The next batter was the guy that Michael was friends with. I pitched the ball and he smacked a line drive to left field. The guy on third ran home and Michael was now on third base.
My next pitch was wild and it just tipped the catcher's glove sending it behind him. I ran to home base. I could here Michael running home. The crowd was cheering him on as I stood on the home base waiting for the catcher to throw me the ball. Just I as caught the ball I was hit from behind. It was like being in slow motion as I went flying head over heels. I was rolling around on the ground with the wind knocked out of me. When I finally caught my breath I looked up to see the coach and a very concerned looking Michael standing over me. The umpire told Michael to go to the dug out. I finally regained my composure and resumed pitching. After that I was able to stay focused and I struck Michael out the second time he was up to bat. We ended up losing by one run. We all lined up to shake our opponent's hands and when it came time to shake Michael's hand, we both stopped and stood there looking at each other. I was beginning to wonder if he was even going to say anything, so I finally said. "Nice game Michael!"
"Thanks John! I hardly recognized you! How have you been?"
Looking down and thinking to myself what a bunch of bull shit! "Oh fine!"
"I'd like to introduce you to a friend of mine." He yelled over to a big red headed kid. "Jack! Come here!" Jack came running over to us.
"Jack, I'd like to introduce you to a friend of mine. This is John."
"Hi John! Nice to meet you! I've heard a lot about you!"
"You have? I mean nice to meet you Jack!"
"Yeah, he told me about how you guys used to practically live on the farm and all of the fun you used to have. Hey Michael can you come over to my place. Mom is making pizza for us?"
I looked at Michael and he looked at me. "I'm going to have to take a rain check on that Jack. Next time OK?"
"OK, see ya at practice!" Jack ran off.
We stood there next to each other not saying anything for the longest time. Michael broke the ice. "Let's go get a drink."
We sat under a tree to cool off and sipped on our sodas. "Damn John! How tall are ya now?"
"Looks like you've been working out too! You look great!"
"Farming keeps me in good shape. It's good to see that you've found a new friend."
"Yeah, Jack's really a nice guy. We just sort of hit it off. He's new to the school too and he didn't have any friends. Did you make any new friends John?"
"Not really." I looked down at my drink and I could feel the jealousy building within me.
"John is everything OK?"
"Yeah everything is just GREAT!" I said angrily. I stood up and started walking away. I felt like I was going to cry.
"John, John! Wait up!" He put his hand on my shoulder.
I shrugged it off. "What's wrong?"
"What's wrong! I'll tell what's wrong! You act as if nothing has happened! Your parents blame me for getting you involved with Sharon. I ride my bike near your house and I never see you! I'm afraid to call for fear that you'll get into trouble! You haven't attempted to contact me! For all I know, you hate me! I miss you Michael. I miss my best friend! That's what's wrong! I MISS YOU!"
Michael stood there looking at me. I could see the tears forming in his eyes. I took a close look at his face. He had dark circles under his eyes and he looked really tired. "John, you don't know how much I miss you! I told mom over and over again that it wasn't your fault. I did those things because I wanted to. She wouldn't even listen to me. To make matters worse, shortly after that she was diagnosed with a brain tumor. She doesn't have much more time to live. I feel that I should obey her wishes no matter how much I disagree!"
Feeling like a real shit head, I put my arm over his shoulder and hugged him as he silently cried. "Michael, I am so sorry! You must be really hurting inside? Is there anything I can do?"
"Yeah, there is!"
"What is it Michael? I'll do anything!"
I shook my head. "What?"
"Forgive me for letting you do those things with Sharon. I was older. I should have known better!" I couldn't fight off the tears any longer.
"Michael, it wasn't your fault, it was mine! You didn't LET me do anything! I asked you to come with me REMEMBER?"
Michael just stood there looking at me. I scratched my head and kind of chuckled. "You know it's kind of funny, instead of blaming ourselves for the each other's actions we should JUST take responsibility for our own don't you think? Neither one of us made the other do anything! We did what we did because we wanted to! We are going to make lots of mistakes and it's ok as long as no one gets hurt and we learn from them. The thing that I regret the most about is that it broke us apart."
"How did you get so smart?" He said smiling at me.
Chuckling I said. "Live and learn as they say! I don't know about you but this was a very painful lesson for me!"
Michael just stood there as if wanting to tell me something.
"Is there anything that you need from me? If you want you can come over for dinner!"
"Sorry I can't. Mom wouldn't like that."
"Yes, I suppose you are right. Well, I should be getting home. Take care Michael! I'll say a prayer for your mom."
He pulled me in for a hug and said. "Thanks man!"
I frowned. "For what?"
"For making this day the best day that I've had in months!"
"Thanks Michael! That means a lot to me!"
When I got home mom and dad asked me how the game went and I said glumly. "We lost!"
"Hey, don't get so down on yourself! It takes a team to win or lose!"
"Yeah well, my team played against Michael's team."
That got mom's attention. "Really! Did you talk to him?"
"Yeah, he said that he missed me, but because he didn't want to disobey his mother he hasn't tried to contact me. He said that she's in the hospital and didn't want to go against her wishes."
"He said that Mary has a brain tumor and that she doesn't have much more time to live."
"Oh my gosh! John we have to go visit them at the hospital!"
"Now?" Dad looked at mom like she was nuts.
We drove to the hospital. Michael and Tony met us outside the room. "I'm so happy that you came to visit!" Tony said.
"How are you all doing?" Mom said looking genuinely concerned.
"We're taking it pretty hard, Jill."
"Johnny told us that Mary was very ill and we wanted to see how you were doing and to see if there was anything that we could do to help you."
Tony took mom and dad aside to talk in private. Michael brought me into his mother's room.
She looked dead. Her eyes were open and she had this vacant stare. Her breathing was labored and she was using her accessory muscles with each breath. She reminded me of a fish out of water!
"She doesn't respond to anything John." Michael looked sadly at his mother. I put my arm around his waist and hugged him. Michael started to cry.
"Johnny can you come here a minute?" Tony asked.
Mom came in as I was about to leave. She gave him a kiss and a hug. He started sobbing uncontrollably as she rocked him in her arms.
I walked outside of the room. "Johnny, I'm really worried about Michael! Can you convince him to go home with you? He hasn't slept at home for weeks! He spends all of his time here. I'm really worried! He's so sad! I think he needs a friend. I know that you are the one he needs!" Tony stared at me with desperation written all over his face.
"Tony, I'm not so sure that he'll go home with me. He doesn't want to go against his mother's wishes. Remember, she didn't want him to be around me."
"That's ridiculous! Mary was being totally unreasonable. I really don't think that she was thinking clearly at that time. I know in my heart that she wants Michael to be happy and you are the person that can do that. I want you to ask him to stay over night. Of course he'll say no and that's when I'll talk to him and convince him that this is what his mother would want. Sound like a plan? "
"Sounds good Tony!"
I went back into the room and found him still in my mom's arms. I came up from behind and rapped my arms around both of them placing my chin on his shoulder. After a few minutes I asked Michael if we could talk. He followed me out of the room. "Michael I was wondering if you would stay over at my house tonight? You look exhausted."
"I don't think I can. Mom wouldn't like that." I shook my head in agreement.
I pushed a little harder and said. "Umm, your dad agrees with me and thinks it would be good idea for you to come stay with me tonight. He's very worried that you are not getting enough rest."
"I can sleep here. I've been doing it for weeks!"
Tony walked out of the room. "So are you going to stay over at John's tonight?"
"I can't dad. Mom wouldn't approve."
"Michael, let me tell you something. Your mother loves you very much and she wants you to be happy. John makes you happy! When that incident happened, she was not thinking clearly. If she had been, she would have never prevented you two from seeing each other! Trust me when I say that she won't mind. I know that she would not want you here all of the time. Now, I want you to go to John's and get a good nights sleep. If not for me, do it for your mother. You need to be strong for her!"
Michael thought about it and reluctantly agreed.
Michael came home with us. We each took a shower and hit the sack. Michael immediately fell asleep. I wrapped my arm around him and snuggled up close just like we used to do.
When I woke up the next morning he was still sound asleep and I just laid there looking at him for the longest time. I finally got up and went to the kitchen to get some breakfast. "How's he doing John?"
"I don't know mom. He's exhausted!"
"Just let him sleep."
"Ok mom." I went back into my bedroom to read one of my science fiction novels and periodically looked up to see if he was awake. He slept 18 hours before he even started to move around.
"John? Is that you? Where am I?"
I ran over to the bed and sat down next to him. "Yes it's me. You slept over at my house."
"Oh yeah! I forgot!" As he rubbed the sleep from his eyes.
"Are you hungry?"
"I sure am!"
"Good! Mom made pot roast for supper. It's your favorite!"
"That sounds great!"
"It's soo good to have you back!" I leaned over and gave him a big hug.
"Now get up! I want you to eat!" I pulled him out of the bed.
I giggled. "Oh wait! Get some clothes on first!"
Tony and Michael ate supper with us every day while Mary was in the hospital. It was great to have Michael back in my life. It took him a while to get comfortable with the idea of being able to spend time with me. Parents dont realize the control that they can exert on their children. I'm sure that she thought that she was doing the right thing by separating us.
After a few days Michael started to look more rested. While at the supper table Tony commented on how much better Michael looked and that he was happy to see the two us back together. Mom gave us a big smile. Dad even grinned at us.
I'll never forget the night that Mary died. Tony came into my bedroom to give Michael the bad news. I got up and sat behind Michael. Michael didn't cry. I think he had already grieved her loss. He almost seemed relieved that her suffering was over.
Mom said. "Tony, it's late and I want you stay here tonight. You can sleep in the guestroom. I don't want you to be alone." He reluctantly agreed.
Michael was very restless that night and I couldn't sleep. I kept thinking what I would have done if my mother died. I would have been devastated. I wanted to be there for him.
I went over to his house the next day. Michael and Tony went through her things. They decided that she would wear her favorite blue dress. They also decided what they would keep and what they would give away. Michael showed me some of their old pictures of when they lived in Florida. He found an envelope in her dresser that was addressed to him. He looked at it not knowing if he should open it. He finally opened it and found a letter that his mom had written to him a few months earlier. He turned to me and said. "John do you mind if I read this alone?"
"Sure, no problem Michael." I left the room and searched refrigerator for a soda. He was in there for about a half an hour. I was curious as to what the letter said. He didn't let me read it for quite some time after that, but this is what it read:
If you are reading this, I have passed on. I want you to know that I love you very much and that I am very proud you! You are a good boy and a great son! I want you to move on and not grieve for me. Even though my life has been cut short I have been so blessed to have you and Tony in my life. I thank God every single day for giving me two of the best guys in the world!
I want you to know that as we grow up we make some pretty stupid mistakes and as long as you learn from them and nobody gets hurt, it's OK. You can't go through life worrying about making mistakes. Living is risky business and making mistakes is how we grow as individuals. I think you are growing up to be a wonderful young man!
Speaking of stupid mistakes, I should not have gotten so angry with John! He didn't deserve that. I keep forgetting to tell you that I over reacted and that I think he's good for you. At the time I felt I was doing the right thing, but after having some time to reflect I was totally out of line. I hope I remember to tell you that when you get home from school. I've seen him riding his bike and will stop and look at the house. He usually rides off before I can get to the door and invite him in. He looks sad.
There's something else that I need to talk to you about but there never seems be the right time. I've been wanting to talk to you about love. I'm referring to the kind of love that Tony and I have for each other. I've seen that kind of love in your eyes since we moved to Iowa. I have to admit. I had a tough time accepting it, which is why I encouraged you to find a new friend. I know that it wasn't a very nice thing to do. Not only that, it created a barrier between you and I and for that I am truly sorry! I hope you can forgive me! He's such a fine young man! Not only that, he's gorgeous! Wow! I hope he can love you back the way you want to love him! I'll haunt him if he breaks your heart. Hehehehe!
Michael, I want you to be happy! Your father is a good man. I know that you can depend on him for just about everything. Jill is a good woman and I hope she will be there for you when you need some motherly attention. I know I would do the same for John.
There's so much I want to say, but I just don't have the energy to put it in writing. I think I've always been up front with you about everything. I have done my very best to teach you right from wrong and I know you are going to grow up to be a fine young man! The only major regret I have in life is that I won't be able to see you grow up! My only request from you is that you live life to its fullest. I know you won't disappoint me!
Love you always!
I sat outside in the living room waiting for him to come out. When he came out he was smiling ear to ear, holding the letter to his heart and kept repeating the same thing. "I can't believe she knew! I can't believe she knew!" He ran up to me and gave me a big hug.
"She knew!" He was laughing and crying at the same time, but then he quit laughing and his tears of joy turned to something that sounded more like anger.
"She knew but never talked to me about it. I needed to talk her about it! I needed to talk about it!" He kept saying it over and over again. Tony walked in the door and he stared at me with a questioning look on his face and when I nodded that everything was OK, he nodded back and went into the kitchen.
"Michael, it's OK. It's OK!" I kept saying trying to comfort him.
"No it's not OK! I need her now! I need to talk to her NOW!
"Michael! Maybe you can talk to your dad?"
"NO! I can't believe she knew and didn't tell me!" He turned away from me and stormed off to his bedroom slamming the door behind him.
"What was that all about?" Tony said wiping his mouth after taking a swig of his drink.
"He's mad about something. He found a letter that Mary wrote to him. It was weird. He came out smiling and looking very happy but then he got angry. He kept repeating over and over again that he couldn't believe that she knew something."
He looked at me and then his eyes widened and said. "Oh, he found the letter! I forgot all about the letter she wrote to him! I wanted to be with him when he read it. John would you mind if I spend some time alone with Michael?"
"Not at all! Call me if he needs me."
"John, dont worry. Michael has some issues that he needs to work out on his own."
"Yes sir. If I don't hear from you I'll see you tomorrow."
"Of course you will. Michael will need you there." I nodded at him and went home.
"John are you up?" Mom yelled through the bedroom door.
"I'm awake!" God, I've been dreading this day!
"Go take a shower and get ready to go. Tony wants you to be with Michael at the funeral!"
Mom dropped me off at Michael's house. She gave me a kiss on the cheek and they drove to the funeral home. I knocked on Michael's bedroom door. "Michael, can I come in?"
"The doors unlocked!"
I walked into his room and he was standing in there in his black suit looking dejected with his hands in his pockets. " Hi buddy!"
"Hi John. Thanks for being here for me."
I went over and gave him a hug. "You don't have to thank me! I want to be here for you!"
"Youre the best friend a guy could ever have!" His bottom lip quivered when he said that.
"Hey what are friends for?"
"Im sorry about yesterday. I sort of lost it! Mom even managed to piss me off even after death!"
"Hey, what are mothers for?" Michael laughed at that.
"I don't know what she wrote in the letter but I know in my heart that she meant well and I'm sure that she didn't want to hurt you."
"I know John. I guess I got pissed off because she's not around when I need her the most. I guess I'm going to have to get used to that."
"Michael I'd like to share my mom with you! She loves you too! She thinks you are peachy! She's missed you terribly when you quit coming around."
"She did? Even after what I let you do?"
"Come on Michael! We've been through all of that. I did it because I wanted to. She doesn't blame you for anything!"
"Oh good!" Looking very relieved.
"Mom wrote in her letter that she was totally out of line for getting angry at you. She said that she would see you ride your bike by the house to see if anyone was home, but she was too weak to call you in to the house." I got choked up when he said that.
"I'm so glad she said that. She was a good mother Michael."
"Yeah she was. Not perfect, but who is. We all make mistakes. Right John?"
"You got that right!"
"Come on boys it's time to go!"
It was really weird seeing Mary lying in the casket. I kept waiting for her to open her eyes and say something.
Father said a few prayers and then people filed out of the funeral home.
As they closed the casket Michael cried out. "MOM!" Tony hugged his son.
Michael's cry sent shivers through me and I looked at mom for reassurance. Mom had tears streaming down her cheeks. Mom and dad gave me a hug as we stood back watching Tony and Michael try to comfort each other. I didn't know what to do! I wanted to help him, but I couldn't! Mom whispered in my ear. "Just be there for him." I nodded and just stood by.
Michael followed his mother's casket out the door with his head hanging low. His grandmother smiled at me and said. "Come on John. Stay with Michael."
I stayed with him throughout the church service. He just stood there. The two men didn't shed a single tear. We finally went to the gravesite and we said some final prayers. Michael stayed behind when everyone left. I stayed by his side. He put his hand on her casket and said. "Goodbye mom."
It was a quiet ride back home.
It took a few weeks before Michael started to get back to his old self. He'd have days where he'd get really sad. I did my best to comfort him by just being there like mom told me to do. We even spent some time out at the farm helping grandpa feed the cattle. He seemed the happiest out on the farm. We rode our motorcycles and flew our planes. He was getting that sparkle back in his eyes. I knew he still missed his mother terribly, but being on the farm kept his mind occupied. I kept him busy. Grandpa told me that I was a good friend to Michael and I was doing the right things to help him heal. He told me that he'd still have some tough days ahead and that it will take a long time for him to recover from his loss. Even on his good days I always felt that he was hiding something from me.
One day I came home after a baseball game and found an envelope on my bed that was addressed to me. I quickly opened it.
I want to thank you for being the best friend anyone could ever have! You have been there when I really needed you! I don't think I would have survived without you at my side.
John, my mother said that life can be risky business. I think she was trying to prepare me for what I'm about to do. She always told me if you don't take risks in life you will go through life filled with regret. So I'm heeding my mother's advice and taking a huge risk by telling you this. I'm not brave enough to tell you this in person and this is probably a stupid time to tell you, but I have to tell you or I swear I'm going to explode!
Mom described in her letter that she could see love in my eyes ever since we moved to Iowa. She wasn't very happy about it at first and tried to get me to make new friends but it only created a barrier between her and I. She's right it did! She regrets doing that to us.
I guess what I'm trying to tell you John is that I love you! Not as I would a brother but the kind of love that mom and dad had for each other. I have never felt this way about anyone else! I think the sun rises and falls around you! You are my soul mate! Mom said that you are good for me and I'd have to agree with her. However I don't feel that I'd be good for you.
I think that you are beautiful inside and out. Remember that night we spent in the tree house. You asked me to describe my old girlfriend. I wasn't describing a my girlfriend, I describing you! I got upset because as you tried to console me, you only confirmed to me that you are straight and there would never be a chance in hell for us to be a couple.
I can no longer hide this from you John! It's not fair to me and it's certainly not fair to you! The more I get to know you, the deeper I fall in love with you!
It killed me not seeing you all those months. I still feel very guilty over that whole Sharon incident. I felt like I not only let you down but I also wasn't completely truthful about a number of things. So I've decided to come clean. I should have prevented you from doing those things! I allowed it to happen because I was desperate. When we were doing it I was fantasizing that it was just you and me. It was a way for me to be close to you. I wanted to be in Sharon's place! I've wanted you for so long! Maybe it was just my imagination but I thought I saw something in your eyes. I saw passion, but I couldn't quite tell if it was meant for me. I saw you kiss her and taste my seed and you seemed to like it but I've been too scared to ask. I was afraid of losing you!
Another reason I feel guilty is because I used my mother as an excuse not to see you. In my heart I knew that you weren't in-love with me but I kept falling deeper and deeper in love with you. Mom was my fall guy. I wanted to get over you, so I thought it would be best to try not to see you anymore. I thought that over time I could get over you. I wasn't very happy to see you at the baseball game. I wanted to be angry with you. I wanted to hurt you in some way. I even attempted to make you jealous! I didn't want to acknowledge your existence. I was angry with you for not loving me the way I loved you and I wanted to get back at you for the pain I've been enduring. So when the opportunity arose, I took it and mowed you over on home base. I hate myself for doing that to you. I know doing all of those things was really stupid and I feel terrible about it! You are not the person that I should have been angry with. My anger should have been directed at myself. You've been innocent through all of this and now I really don't deserve your love! Even if you were gay I wouldn't expect you to love a desperate low life like myself who goes through life angry and blaming the world for his problems!
Well, now that you know how I feel about you and you know my dark twisted side, I'm sure that you will agree that it's best that I stay out of your life. Heck, I'm even too cowardly to tell you all of this to your face!
I love you John! I always will!
I kept reading the letter over and over again. Did I feel the same way he did about me? Without a doubt I am attracted to him. I was jealous when I saw him with Jack. I know it would kill me if he found someone else. I do love Michael. He's beautiful, he's smart, loving, dedicated, trustworthy and, and even a little twisted! I have loved him for a long time. I'd die for him. I do want the kind of love he wants.
He's not really telling me things that I really didn't already know. He's only filled in the missing pieces. I knew deep down that he was avoiding me and that he was angry at me for some reason. Now I know why and now I can deal with it. I suppose I should be angry with him but I don't see him as that twisted individual that he portrays himself being. He's been through more than I could have ever endured and I just can't be angry with him. He's opened his heart to me. He's told me his deepest darkest secrets and because he loves me so much he's allowing me to escape his grasp and fly away.
I walked to his house. I didn't ride my bike because I needed time to think about what I was going to say. I walked up to the door and before I could even knock Michael opened it. "Hi John!" He motioned for me to come in.
I looked around the house. I poked my head into the kitchen, then the den. "Is your dad home?"
"Good!" I walked over to him and as I approached he began to back up until he hit the wall. I could see a panic in his eyes. He looked almost like a trapped animal and held his arms up to protect himself. I kept my eyes locked on his not saying a word and proceeded to give him a big hug. As I did this he pushed me away with his arms and then as he realized that I wasn't going to hurt him he and let me hug him.I pulled away from him to look into his eyes. As our eyes locked I could feel him searching my soul for permission. Michael stood there frozen as I gazed into his blue eyes. I wasn't going to make him wait for his answer any longer. I went up on my tiptoes and slowly brought my lips to his. I closed my eyes as I kissed him passionately. I felt him wrap his arms tightly around me as we brought ourselves into a tight embrace. "Mmmm! Oh God!" Kiss. "You." Kiss "don't know." Kiss. "How long." Kiss. "I've been waiting for this!" Michael said in between lip locks.
I broke the kiss. "Can you shut up for one minute?" As I went in for another kiss.
Michael's lips were so soft and so very sweet!
I heard the door shut behind me. "Hi Michael John!"
I put my head into Michael's chest afraid to turn around. I figured that he would have stopped but he kept on walking and went into the kitchen. "Come on John! Let's go to my bedroom! We have to talk."
As we started towards the room we heard. "BOYS! Come here I want to have a talk with you!"
I looked at Michael and he just shrugged his shoulders at me like he didn't know what Tony wanted.
"Hi boys! Have a seat. Let me get you guys something to drink. I think you two need to cool off!" He smiled as he pulled out two pepsi's.
He sat down and smiled again. He took a moment to collect his thoughts by taking a sip of his soda. "Boys, I see you have finally come to terms with the love you feel for each other. IT SURE TOOK YOU LONG ENOUGH!" He chuckled. I could feel myself begin to blush and gave a nervous laugh.
"I want you both to know that I approve of your love. I've no we've seen this coming for a long time. Mom and I could see the love in both of your eyes. John I have to apologize for Mary. She wasn't her self when you got to know her." Michael looked at me nervously.
"Her personality was changing and she just didn't handle it the way I would have expected. That's what prompted me to take her to the doctor. It was after that incident with Sharon that they found out that she had a brain tumor. She was always a lot more liberal than I ever was and always thought that I was too conservative! That's what tipped me off." He chuckled at that.
"Anyway, I thought you should know that she really liked you John! I guess what I'm trying to say is that I feel bad for allowing what happened go on for so long! I guess I was so wrapped up in my own grief over Mary that I didn't think about what you two might be going through. I want to apologize for that. I think you two are right for each other."
Michael put his head down and started crying. Tony looked confused at his reaction to what he'd just said. Michael regained his composure, he told Tony how he'd used his mother as an excuse to avoid John.
Tony turned to me and said. "John how do you feel about what Michael just said?"
"Well Tony, the way I see it, Michael has endured more than anyone should ever have to at such a young age. I think he needs to learn to put his anger to better use. Anger can be a positive force. It can give us the incentive to do something constructive opposed to destructive. I think we can help Michael deal with his anger in a more positive fashion don't you Tony?"
"God, I see why he loves you so much! Where did you learn that?"
"Like they say Live and learn!"
"You are absolutely correct John and I think we can help Michael deal with this anger isssue."
Michael kept looking at each of us as we discussed his problem. Then he laughed and said. "Hey wait! I'm feeling excluded from this conversation!"
"Sorry Michael, but you are tough case to crack!" I said laughing.
"Michael, I think it's time to let John read your mother's letter." Michael quickly got out of his chair and ran to get it.
He came back smiling and sat down next to me. He handed me the letter and I carefully removed it from the envelope being careful not to damage it. I was shaking a little bit as I read it. I wiped the tears from my eyes as I read it. I chuckled at the part about haunting me if I ever break Michael's heart. Michael and Tony put their hands on my shoulder and Michael said. "See, she truly did like you and she approved of us." I hugged Michael.
"I wish I could have known her before she was sick!"
"I do too!" Michael said.
"Boys, I have to tell you something. I have to be up front with you. I'm worried
about the love you share. The world is a dangerous place. There are people that would kill
you if they knew. Please be careful! Look at how fast word traveled throughout the school!
Imagine if they found out about this?"
"Point taken dad!"
"I'm not finished!" He said looking at Michael.
"I want you boys to be very careful. I couldn't bare to lose anyone else and that includes you too John!" Tony grabbed each of our hands and squeezed.
"Dad! We'll be careful!"
"I have more to tell you. I want you both to be patient with each other. Don't rush things. I know you love each other, but take it slow and please be gentle. I don't want either of you to get hurt. I'm not sure exactly how you two are going to manage that I'm not sure that it would be a very comfortable process."
"Ahh Dad? I think we can figure that out on our own. We'll be gentle with each other. I'm not even sure if I want to do that! I know for certain that if we ever decide to do IT, we will be very careful not to injure each other. John is the most important person in my life. I'd never do anything to harm him!"
Keeping a straight face I said. "I think the only exception to what Michael said would be if I were going to try to tag someone in particular on home plate as he was running full steam ahead to make the winning run of the game." Tony looked confused and Michael looked at me to see if I was joking.
After a brief moment I finally laughed and said. "See I can be twisted too! Now
get over it!" Looking straight into Michael's eyes.
"I don't get it!" Tony said scratching his head.
"Long story dad. You don't want to know."
"Yeah long story! I think we have a lot of issues to work out before we even think about physical acts of love." Michael nodded in agreement.
"OK?" Tony said looking bewildered.
Then he said. "There's one more thing I need to talk about."
"I want you both to consider this place a safe haven. If you want to express your love, I want you to do it here. I'll try to give you privacy."
"Thanks dad! NOW STOP WORRYING!"
"Alright, ALRIGHT! ENOUGH SAID!" Tony said raising his hands up in the air laughing.
"Let's go out for dinner!"
I looked over at Paula to see tears streaming down her face. "I'm all choked up! I can't help but cry. I don't know what to say!"
Looking at her I said. "It was to best of times, it was the worst of times."
"Michael was very lucky to have had your support! You were so sweet!" Paula reached over and touched my cheek looking at me lovingly. I smiled back at her.
Email your comments to Duke.