Date: Wed, 11 May 2011 10:28:34 -0700 (PDT) From: jim ford Subject: Not yet Doc This story is fiction. The characters are adults in adult situations. Warnings: The only person you can ever hope to truly know is yourself. Trust no one; use condoms. If you are not of legal age or in a jurisdiction in which this document is illegal, go way. This is my story. Please respect the copyright. Sojourn1950@yahoo.com He had tried so hard. The end result look like something our boxer leaves on the lawn when he does his business. He had been home for several hours and was now dressed in running shorts and tee shirt. Tiramisu. It was to have been a surprise for me to celebrate our fifth year together. My gift to him, was in a small box deep in my pocket. Actually it was two...for both of us. The firm set of his jaw told me he was trying to keep his emotions in check. Something that I recognized from the moment we met. His face told me almost every thing he was feeling. That took years to understand. But, now I know him quite well. Disappointment clouded those blue eyes. The clinched facial muscles emphasized his clean sharp features. His black hair and five o'clock shadow framed blue eyes that I had come to love; almost as much as the man himself. In so much of life, it's not our successes that bind us as kindred spirits; it's the sharing of failures. The small struggles against challenges and changes that we experience. These help us grow and mature. If those struggles are shared, if the changes, we each go through, are embraced by ourselves and the ones we love, then life itself can strengthen those bonds. It is also our weaknesses that makes us approachable and worthy of love. I have learned to appreciate my own weaknesses. I know philosophy 101 or Oprah. So sue me! I wrapped my arms around him and whispered, "Lets skip dinner for now. Let's take desert into the bedroom." "No plates, no forks, no napkins. If you apply it to the right places, I will eat most all of it. Maybe you'll eat some too. " "You're Mothers lasagna will keep warm, in the oven, until we work up an appetite." His Mother's lasagna, was the best. I would recognize that delightful aroma anywhere. I inhaled deeply, considering the mix of two of my favorite scents. Together; they stimulated all my senses. I let my hand fall to caress his manhood. "Are you hungry for lasagna, right now?" As I asked I casually fondled his impressive cock and dangling balls. His balls slid easily within their spacious sack. The slick covering of his nylon running shorts only added to the sensations. The surge I felt against my hand answered, before his sensuous lips could form the words. In a husky voice, as he whispered, "Not yet Doc." Maestro! A little flashback music, if you please. Make it something light with an upbeat tempo. I was born and raised here in Chicago. Got my masters in clinical psychology and now, as then, practice as part of a team. Depending on one's specialization we cover it all. Most of us carry multiple degrees and special interests. I serve as consultant to police departments, local, county and state, concerning hate crimes as well as sexual abuse and rape. I also carry an extensive private practice. You guessed it my specialty is sex. Makes for a great introduction. What guy wouldn't be interested in a "sex specialist". Of course, I could say I was a sex therapist; and have. When I felt the need; to loose unwanted attention. When you imply that a guys performance is to be clinically measured, most excuse themselves; never to return. Yeah, I know, sometimes I'm an asshole. Jeff, worked for his uncle's IT consulting and installation company. We met when he came to help install our new system. He was in the office for three days. I stopped and stared the first moment I saw him. He was gorgeous! Six foot two, what an ass! Even with his back turned; he was gorgeous! What an ass! It wasn't a "bubble butt". "Yuk." That term always make me think of my piano teacher. She was a small woman. Her ass was HUGE! I could have sat comfortably on that ass, as she waddled along. Bubble Butt, brings to my mind an ass that destroys symmetry. His was perfectly contoured. I have seen Michelangelo's David. Yes, in Florence. Jeff's ass could have served as a model. Just taller, more masculine and hopefully better hung. Ok, so I had NOT been with a man in over a year. But I am not kidding. He was gorgeous! Did I mention his ass? When he turned toward me, he looked shocked. I actually touched my lips to check for drool. He blushed and quickly turned away. Ouch! Maybe I'd been caught eating "eye-candy". Julie, my secretary and best friend. Stepped quickly from behind her desk to introduce us. Even if he hadn't caught me starring. She obviously had. Julie, was all smiles and sweetness. That should have been my first warning. Like a sailor views a sudden dramatic drop of barometric pressure. I should have sensed the impending storm.I should have heard the gears turning in her head. I knew she would break my balls at lunch for wanting a straight guy.She would remind me of all the "wonderful" gay guys with whom she had set me up. Now, in spite of her and my Mother's best efforts. I go and make goo-goo eyes; over a straight man! Suddenly, I was not looking forward to lunch. His handshake was firm and friendly. I can't remember if I even said "hello". I was suddenly lost in those blue eyes. His voice was low and pleasant. "Nice to meet you." seemed to melt in my ears and run down my spine. Those lucious tones gathered at the end of my spine and move take a swipe at my balls as they settled and became one with my swelling manhood. That first day I asked him out for a drink. This might seem presumptuous. Truth is it took more courage than I would have ever thought I possessed. I knew that in three days my chances would be gone. Even if he is straighter than a pencil, I had to try. He was the most handsome, most attractive man I had ever seen. His black wavy hair and his five o'clock shadow, framed brilliant blue eyes. I wanted to jump his bones. So bad! In my defense, so did everyone else. At least the girls. Once the job was done; I was afraid I would never see him again. He was shy and hesitant. At least he didn't show out right disgust. It was just after my first client of the day. I came out to get coffee and found him chatting with Julie. The three of us talked for a while. I found myself saying, "Hey, look Jeff, if you're not too tired, maybe we could get a drink together. After work. If you're not busy." He looked shocked at first. His blush highlights his five o'clock shadow. His face took on a look that said, "I can't believe you got the balls, to ask ME OUT!" Just then, one of his co-workers called him away.His shock turned to another blush as he glanced between me and his coworker. He turned and walked hurriedly away. I figured he was terminally straight or just not interested. Maybe his coworker kept him from saying things, I'd rather not hear. I was undeterred. I wanted to get to know him better. As a friend; ok. Gaaawwwdddd, who am I kidding. I wanted HIM! I couldn't be just friends with a guy who gave me a hardon just by talking to me. I wasn't worried about him physically. I can take care of myself. It was worth the risk; any risk. Rejection always makes me take a clinical self-assessment. Six-one at one hundred-ninety pounds of muscle, ok not all muscle, but impressive. If I do say so, myself. Let's face it after a year of "solo" entertainment, no one else was saying anything personal. I had done some modeling. OK, so it was for a clothing catalogue; while in college. Still, they had included my face and upper body. The underwear fit, like it was made to order. (I got a sense of humor; catalogue, made to order? Never mind! A friend took one of the glossies and had it blown up. He gave it to my Mom. She immediately had it framed and now, a 16X20 of me in my underwear, hangs in her living room. Ugh! What's more disturbing is that she insists it's the best picture she has of me. I have offered to sit with professional photographer and trade. No dice!. Another was hung in an inconspicuous part of the Reynolds Club. Let's just say I go a lot surprising attention that week. That's how I met my only long term relationship. Thanks for that Billy. Yeah, right. Thanks a lot. Ah, yes. I know, I get distraced. As I was saying; I've got a nice smile, sandy blonde hair and a nice ass. My hazel eyes change color, depending on what I wear. They can go from blue to dark brown. They're dark brown, no matter what I wear; if I'm pissed. This appraisal has been confirmed, more than a few times. Not within the past year, but I am ever hopeful. I want more than just to stick my dick up some guy's ass. I don't object to casual sex, it's just that it leaves me feeling more alone. I get most of my relief from internet porn. (oh yeah. Like you don't. Why are you reading this then? Huh big boy?) Growing up gay I had a persistent sense of isolation. My father, a Chicago Fire Fighter, died when I was ten. I like to think he would have been as accepting and supportive, as my mother. Though not as intrusive into my personal life. He was a great guy. I miss him even now. I had more than a few friends. After coming out; the summer before I went to college. Some stuck; some didn't. Life didn't seem to get much easier, after coming out. In college, I learned the hard way; being gay is not grounds for intimacy no more than being left handed, allows you to be intimate with other lefties. I am almost fully ambidextrous. That means my left hand sees a lot of action. My right hand is, I am sure, thankful for the relief. Ok, I do it a lot! Get off my back. Jeff was a six foot two inch Adonis. He flirted with the girls and had them all wishing they were twenty again. Those that were close to twenty wished they were single. He had such a natural air of, well, being a sexual animal. The way he moved, the way he stood, all with an easy kind of grace. It was like watching a big cat stalking his prey; waiting for that one moment to pounce. I mean, he made you think like that if he was walking across the room to get a tool. I can't tell you what his ass looked like in those tight fitting black jeans. I probably could tell you about his ass. Even now when I think of it my tongue gets thick and my dick gets tied up in knots. Ah, you know what I mean. Seems I spent every free minute watching him; unobtrusively of course. I didn't get a lot of work done that first morning. The kind of thoughts I had when I was around him could get me arrested in thirty-seven states. And it wasn't because he was young; me either for that matter. We were both pushing thirty. Those thoughts started the minute I first saw him. We made eye contact. It held for a moment; before he blushed and turned away. I can honestly say, I have never been so effected by simply seeing another man. As I said; he had not answered my invitation. I wasn't asking for more than a friendly drink at a nearby pub. Maybe he thought having a drink with a gay guy was tantamount to having sex. Maybe, I pushed too fast. Maybe he is a straight guy who doesn't see gay men as a threat to his sexuality. Like Julie's boyfriend Cliff. Of course Cliff had a lifetime to adjust. Having an identical twin who happens to be gay probably helped. Then again... Might have been more of a challenge. Maybe I should ask Cliff if he had ever... NO! definitely! Don't want to know! Jeff may be comfortable around gay men. I would love to make him comfortable; in my bed. Julie's eyes lit up when she heard me ask him to have a drink. I was sure she would be making a call to my mother as soon as I was sequestered with my next client. I didn't give a damn about anything except getting closer to Jeff. I never thought that name to be musical. Until it echoed through my brain. Jeff... Jeff... Jeff and Jim; even more melodic. It was a natural fit. Still, he hadn't agreed to even have a drink. I stepped out to great my third client, the last before lunch. Jeff was there.The white short sleeved shirt showed his hairy chest and bulging biceps. He was leaning over Julie's desk. They seemed involved in intimate conversation. I was jealous and a little miffed at Julie. She had a live in boyfriend! A guy I considered a friend. This was unfair... to Cliff. I got my client settled and excused myself. I stepped back into the outer office and closed the door behind me. He was still flirting with Julie. I wanted to nip that in the bud. I owed it to Cliff. He/she they shouldn't be trying to get it on. When my mouth spoke, it was going to be a reminder that Cliff would be waiting to greet her at home, with open, loving, trusting arms. I cleared my throat. They both looked up. "Julie." My voice told them both; this was serious. My demeanor reflected my most professional side. Pausing only a moment. I stated flatly, "Julie, when that hunk delivery truck comes back." Now meeting Jeff's glance."Let them know, I want one just like him; only gay." With that I moved calmly to put the door between me and them. I almost wish I had waited to see their reaction. Oh well. I want to add here; I am a professional. I always take a minute, when beginning a session, to allow my client and myself to engage and commit ourselves to the session. This was a little different. I excused myself and stepped into my bathroom. Something I never do, when with a client sitting in my office. Well, never had done. I stared at the reflection of a man in shock; at his own DARING! I took a moment to focus on my client, patiently waiting in my office. I apologized for the delay. It had taken me less than five minutes of his time. I gave him an extra fifteen.I will say the time I spend with a client, is focused on assisting the client. So much so that, when that session ended, I had forgotten all about my bold assertion. Uttered only an hour before. It was only when my subconscious registered disappointment that I realized it was because Jeff was not in sight. I recalled my "statement" of desire, uh, interest. Shit! Could I have been any bolder. He's probably still puking his guts out or waiting for an opportunity to commit a hate crime upon my person. Shit! Even that thought invited visions of he and I engaged in kinky sex. Shit! I got to get laid! "Missing someone?" Julie had just finished setting a follow up appointment for my last client. We were alone. Julie and I became fast friends when I first came to work here; almost four years ago. We weren't "girlfriends". I am not that kind of gay. In the rainbow world gay men can be anywhere between very feminine to very macho. I am a middle of the road kind of gay. I decided, shortly after coming out, "I am a man attracted, sexually and emotionally, to other men." Don't get me wrong. I have awards proudly and prominently displayed, which show the rainbow flag. In fact on my desk is a small stand that holds; the National Ensign, Illinois state flag and the rainbow flag. I am an active member in my local LGBT organization.Julie and I were good friends. We didn't go shopping or critique other peoples clothing choices. We were just good friends. I considered myself to be close to her and her fiancée Cliff. He and I were dedicated Cubs fans. So, we like rooting for the home team, underdogs. Julie and I often have lunch together. Even though she serves as secretary for two other staff members. We have twelve therapists and three other secretary's. One secretary doubles as office manager. At lunch, it's usually just us. Most often we get something simple and easy that allows conversation. Conversation might include a little gossip about coworkers, friends or family. It never touched on clients. I like that about her; she never pried. Except into my personal life. Today, I would have gladly dined alone. Except we had, yesterday, agreed to grab a salad and chat. I was not looking forward to that. I felt a blush heat up my face, I am sure it was obvious. Smiling broadly, she said, "I never realized what a tiger, you can be. I'm impressed. You know if you'd been more like that with Harry, he wouldn't be in California and you would be so horny and grumpy, all the time." All this was said as she locked her desk and grabbed her purse. I sighed. It was going to be a loooong lunch. We walked two blocks to a crowded deli. She got a salad and I got a sub sandwich. I was hoping I could keep my mouth occupied. Maybe I could survive her, probing, torturous questions. "Well, I must say you shocked us both with that remark." Julie's opening salvo. We had sat at the only free table. She wasn't wasting any time. I almost feigned ignorance. It would have been a waste of time. Given her grilling techniques, I knew I would fold sooner than latter. We both did. I knew because, she had set me up with guys and always wanted details the next day. After a singularly disastrous blind date she grilled me. Between every client. All through lunch. Mid afternoon I caught her on the phone with my Mother; comparing notes. Right now; I think I would have liked it better if Jeff's response had been a punch to the kisser.Kisser. Ah, bet he is a good one. I had just begun exploring that likelihood, when the demon, Julie, cleared her throat. Why I even consider Julie a friend. She interrupts my fantasies and she is awfully chummy, with the enemy. She met my mother a couple of months after I came to work here. They hit it off right away. They have lunch about once a month. Sometimes, I'm invited. After the first time, I have consistently declined. Oh yeah, my mother has been setting me up since I first came out to her. Seems she found an ally of Julie. I would say "accomplice" except I don't know which is more intrusive, into my private life. "He was asking about you". I gawked; disbelieving.No follow up comment. Just that one, simple, unenlightening statement. I waited. She began methodically; mixing then eating her salad. I waited. She sipped her diet soda and took another bite of salad. I waited. Julie was never the quiet type. I trusted her completely. But, the girl loved to talk. I waited. I watched as a Mona Lisa smile creped ever so lightly across her "innocent" face. The silence was almost deafening as she waited patiently for me to break. Damn! She could teach the CIA something about interrogation. I finally took a bite of my sandwich and remained silent.I decided then and there to chew each bite thirty times. Gauging the size of the sandwich. I should make it through lunch with a third of the sandwich leftover. Counting helped to smother the anxiety that was building. One. He had asked about me? I had always loved Mona Lisa's smile. Somehow it suddenly seemed menacing. Very menacing. He had asked about me. It wasn't a smile; it was evil incarnate. He had ASKED about ME! I hate Da Vinci. Shit! I lost count. I started over.... well at ten. I hate the Mona Lisa. Thirteen. That bitch; Mona Lisa must have been a friend of DA Vinci's who was constantly trying to fix him up. Twenty, I think. How the hell is it that gay men can be tortured by women. Wasn't that why God made women; to have babies and torture straight men. Thirty! Hah! I made it! It had to be thirty. At least. My teeth had long ago turned my bite of, uh... I had to peel back the top of the sandwich to realize I had an Italian cold cut sub. What was in my mouth could have easily been sucked through a straw. I won! I was a Winner. I could do this. I swallowed and sipped my unsweetened tea. I sat the cup down and looked at Julie. Her face immediatly reminded of what I had been thinking. I HATE! Hate is such a strong word. I don't hate anyone. I glanced at Julie. I don't hate anyone; except, MONS LISA! Confident and determined. I took a second bite.With conviction, I resumed counting. One more glance at that smile strengthened my resolve. It also brought me back to where I had mentally left the subject. Bet Da Vinci wanted to drown that spiteful bitch in the river he painted behind her. Shit! Catch up Jim! I chided myself. Seven, Eight, Nine. All the while that smile continued. Ten, Eleven, It made me want to fly to Paris. Twelve. Go to the Louvre. Thirteen. Fourteen. And rip that canvas smile right off the painting. Fifteen. I could do this! I was winning. Halfway home! On the second bite and not a word. I wouldn't break. Sixteen. Hah! I could out last her. I was strong and confident. I can and will hold out. I swallowed and took a sip of tea. I sat the cup down and casually picked up my sandwich. "So what did he ask?" Fuck! I broke! Right in the middle of the second bite. Right when I was so sure I was going to out last her. Fuck! She continued to smile. Fuck! I felt it coming. Like hearing a "small craft" advisory. When you're in the middle of Lake Michigan, in a row boat, without oars...I know. Just go with it! It's how I felt. OK? Another bite of her salad. My anger flared! She wasn't going to let me just crack. Nooo, The waves were building. I had to be tortured first! I had to earn my own humiliation. Fuck, I was desperately bailing water with my hands. Fuck, Fuckity-Fuck! Boat fills with water. I carefully wrapped the rest of my sandwich and stood up. I walked to the nearest trash can and dumped it. along with my dignity. Boat has capsized. I manage to hang on; barely. I returned to see her still smiling. She took another bite! I took my seat. Another bite! Still smiling. How can she do that and chew at the same time? I took a sip of tea. She took another fucking bite! Boat sunks! All hands lost! As my body slowly sinks into the cold depths of Lake Michigan, my last conscious thought is: "For God's sake! Are you going to tell me or not?" I knew I was whining. Suddenly I was eight years old and my best friend had told me he knows what I was getting for Christmas. Seems my folks stored my new bike in his garage. That bit of information cost me three comic books and two Cubs trading cards (his choice). Seemed like a good trade at the time. Trade? Trade. TRADE! What could I trade for what she hiding that FUCKING MONA LISA smile? Men's lives, the world over, would probably be better if Da Vinci never; had learned to paint. Every woman in the world was probably shown a picture of the Mona Lisa. Before they were ever allowed to date.Thus; beginning a lifetime dedicated to torturing the male. This was probably done in some secret ceremony. Most likely every mall in America had a room dedicated to these meetings. Women always go shopping together.Like they go to the bathroom; together. I am now certain that picture hangs in every ladies room; just as a reminder.Just so they could remember; how to smile. "I'll buy lunch all next week." Damn! That was a lot. For a first offer. This was not going well. Where would this end? Would she wind up driving my beemer, while I took the EL. She continued to smile. Another Fucking bite. God does this girl ever get enough to eat. Maybe Cliff locks her in a cage when she gets home. Suddenly, I found domestic violence not so reprehensible. "I won't hit you again, if you tell me now." She chewed on this bite of salad longer than it would have taken a toothless man to gum up a tough sirloin. She took another bite. Shit! "If you don't spill you guts. I'm going to call Cliff right now and tell him to come down here and see the man you're having an affair with." That got her attention. Alright! At last. She choked! Then spat! My white shirt and tie wound up spotted with tiny green flakes and droplets of Raspberry vinaigrette. I looked down at my shirt and when I looked up at her she had turned sideways in her chair and bent over. I jumped up and stepped quickly to her side."Julie?" OK! I know. I pushed her way too far with that empty threat. "Are you alright? "Can you breathe?" In answer to the first question she nodded. In response to the second she shook her head. I was perplexed. How could she be alright and not be able to breathe? I asked again, "Julie?" "Are you alright?" Again she nodded. She was still bent over. I knelt down to see her face. She started to be heave, sucking in great gasps of air. Oh God! ... Was she going to puke? What have I done? I could see she her fists clenched, in her lap. I took the hand nearest me and patted it."Julie, look at me. Are you alright?" At last she raised her head. I could see tears rolling down her cheeks. The smile was gone.It had been replaced by a grimace. She saw the worry and concern on my face. I relaxed.That was a mistake! Without warning. It came! From deep within her guts. So fast and forceful it blew against my face. I could smell the raspberries on her breath mixed with the sour tang of vinegar. For the first time in my life I had a precognition. My shirt tie and slacks were soaked in regurgitated salad with raspberry vinaigrette. Then, She, She.She laughed! With the volume and force of a Lake Michigan fog horn. SHE LAUGHED! The deli got suddenly quiet, except for Julie. She guffawed! She snorted! She honked! She straightened to draw in a breath. She had to recharge her fog horn. Before her fog horn was ready to blow again. I left her sitting in the deli and walked back to the office. Anger RAGED! I WAS ANGRY WITH MYSELF! I WAS ANGRY WITH JULIE! I WAS ANGRY WITH JEFF! And Who was the first person; I saw? Of course! It had to be.JEFF! When he looked up and saw me, he smiled. "Oh no you don't.! You can pocket that thousand watt smile, buddy. This is all your fault." I halted only long enough to say that and let my now, dark brown, eyes glare at him. I registered his shock and disbelief as I continued past him and strode purposefully into my office and slammed the door. I grabbed the sign that says, "DO NOT DISTURB! Session in Progress". I quietly hung the sign on the door and just as quietly; closed it again. One thing for certain all staff members respect that sign. Only emergencies would allow a staff member to violate the sanctity of a session. All staff members respected that sign; save one.Julie. The knock came after I had gone into my bathroom to wipe away the spots of salad and wash my face.I ignored it. I could only focus on what a fool I had made of myself. In a few short hours I had managed to regress; to an adolescent with a school boy crush. Then ever further; to a petulant child, bargaining to get what he wanted. It's times like this that makes me wonder why anyone would seek my council. Most of what I had done since meeting Jeff had been, immature and unprofessional. It reflected poorly on me as a professional and on the man; I am. I promised myself. "I would do better." If this behavior repeats itself too often, I would be seeking therapy.Jeff would be gone in two and one half days. That thought did not give me the relief it should. Another knock! Through the open bathroom door I called, "I'm busy!" Julie, ever the professional, responded with, "You don't have a client. You can't be busy." My office door opened somewhere in the middle of her statement. When I came out of the bathroom she was already seated. She had left my office door open, so she could hear the phone. "Ok, Jim. We are through being silly about this. We need to talk like adults. We're best friends. We can talk about anything and everything." I began pacing behind my desk. "Just because you're hung up on a guy. One that you just met. For the first time this morning. Doesn't mean it has to effect our friendship. I'm sorry I didn't answer your questions at the deli. I shouldn't have told you we talked about you. The conversation I shared with Jeff was confidential. What I said just slipped out." I stopped long enough to say, "Slipped out! You, You, You baited me!" I then; marched on. "Ok, maybe, I did a little. I'm sorry. So, want to talk about it?" I halted long enough to say, "When I put that sign up, it should tell you I don't want to be disturbed. I could have been in the bathroom. Indisposed!" "Alright, want to play it that way. I have reasonably sound information that you use the bathroom seriously every morning, right after you get up. So, that rules out that "indisposition". Unless you get a stomach bug. Urination and washing hands afterwards, assuming you do. Takes less than a couple of minutes. You've had more than enough time to take a leak." She continued, but started to drift. "I never thought God loved women very much. I mean labor and then sitting done to pee. Oh well." She stiffened and resumed her original line, "The only activity that might need that sign would be if you were in there, spanking the monkey. Which you never do at the office, or else your very good at covering up. Then again, this morning, well. She looked thoughtful, for a moment, then, "No, not enough time." That smile again. My face must have shown how unacceptable this whole dialogue was to me. "Jim, drop the innocent act. I grew up in the middle of eight brothers. I`ve seen it, I've heard it. Washed underwear, jock straps, washcloths and towels. Every one my brothers and my father, too. All stained with the results of it. It's a wonder I didn't grow up lesbian or maybe a hooker. My mother told me it was just a facet of life. Men do it. Look, if I'm not in the mood I send Cliff off with paper towels, lube and unquestioned access to internet porn. Just so I can get some rest." Then an afterthought, " Sometimes he gets some good inspiration." That smile again. Or was it more wistful? "So don't even try to look insulted. Now, I know I gave you an impossibly hard time at lunch. It's obvious that you are interested in Jeff and maybe he's interested in you. You have let him know. In no uncertain terms. You find him very attractive. Personally, I think you two would make a great couple. So does your Mom." "Oh, that reminds me, Cliff and I are having dinner at her house this Sunday. Cliff has never seen your glamour shot. Your Mom says she will make extra, in case you want to bring company." "Let me see. I apologized and I gave you a chance to vent. We both know that before the day is done. Tomorrow morning at the latest, you will either accept my apology and offer one of your own or act like nothing ever happened. Either way, if your not busy, we can do lunch tomorrow. Cliff is coming in to have lunch so the three of us or maybe, even four of us can go to Kelly's for ribs." I had, at some point, sat at my desk. I had long ago giving up on any serious retort to any part of her diatribe. Sometimes with women, it's best to just listen. "Yeah that was what I came in here to do. So if you don't need me I'll go back to my desk and pretend to work. So you guys can pretend to pay me. Not nearly what I'm worth. And Jim, it's not violating any confidence to tell you he watches you when you're not watching him." With that she got up, went to the door, took down the sign and kept it with her when she closed my door. By the time door closed, I was ready to apologize.I decided to let her suffer with my silence, maybe until lunch tomorrow, I love Kelly`s ribs. I noticed I had left the bathroom door open. I got up to close it. As I did I was haunted by her smile. Ok, irritated. I thought about not apologizing tomorrow. Then the promise of ribs changed that. Still, the silent treatment for the rest of today and tomorrow; until lunch.That would be, some payback. I saw my reflection smiling at the thought. I wondered, could I give her the silent treatment and the smile? I looked blankly into the mirror. When I was sure my face held no expression.I tried. Nope. I used my fingers to position my lips. Nope. I concentrated on being malevolent. Nope. I closed my eyes and concentrated. Trying to imagine how Julie felt knowing that she held a valuable secret. I could feel myself smile. I held it. I waited until I was certain the thought and smile were locked in place. I opened my eyes. What I saw? Was a man on the verge of being violently ill.How do they do that? I turned off the light and closed the door. After the next client, I was feeling better about the day. I promised myself I would apologize to Jeff, the next time I saw him. I busied myself with other things.The afternoon passed and I managed to keep my mind off Jeff. My last client ran late and stayed over.I don't like to break the hour rule. But, client needs sometimes demand a few extra minutes. Once I had finished my paperwork I thought about the day. I was still not comfortable with my interactions with Jeff. I decided I wouldn't wait until I happened to see him. First thing tomorrow, I would find him and apologize. Not just for the undeserved tirade, for all my behavior toward him. Maybe, I should make a list. Too long. I'll start with a general apology and then add a few specifics. If I detailed all my reasons... He probably would, hit me. I accepted the fact that I would apologize to Julie too. Like many times before; I wouldn't know exactly, the reason I was apologizing. Still I would grovel. I was sure she would accept graciously. She always has. I would insist on picking up the tab for lunch, and all would be right with our world. I just would feel better if I knew why I should be apologizing. Oh well. At least with Jeff. I knew there were a good things that deserve a sincere apology. Julie used her "friendship" with me as a license to pry, poke and persevere with her matchmaker skills. The result of said skills, on my behalf, had failed numbers of times already. I think she sometimes takes Cliff to gay bars to look for suitable matches. The one time she got close was with Harry. Cliff's twin brother. Ok, Harry was close. He was just too pushy about getting me into bed. I admit it. He was hard to resist. But, time and his sexual frustration won out. As best I know he is in California, living with a plastic surgeon. Julie hasn't brought his name up in almost a year. Not until today. But, with Jeff. I wouldn't hesitate. I would suck his dick, fuck his amazing ass. Hell! Let him fuck me, right in front of the Picasso, in Daley Plaza. High noon, any given day. Preferably sooner than later. If only I knew he had at least; one gay bone. By the time I finished rearranging the cobwebs in my attic. I was really late leaving the office and I was tired. I was sure I would be the last one out. Julie never bothers to say goodbye, unless we leave at the same time. She just slips out quietly, so she doesn't disturb a client. When I came out of my office I ran into Jeff. OK. I backed into Jeff. Briefcase in hand. I had backed out the door and was ready to lock it. As I stepped backward to close it, I felt my ass bump something. I heard "What the ... He had been bending over to get some wire crimpers from his tool box. My ass had contacted his ass and sent him sprawling. Fortunately, he wasn't hurt, just caught off balance. I set down my briefcase. I helped him up and began to apologize. "Sorry about that. I figured I was the only one still here. Are you alright?" Gees! Did that last sound familiar. He looked down at my hands still holding his right forearm and bicep. Boy! Did he have muscles. I hastily released my grip. Looking into my eyes he smiled with those blue eyes accentuated by the cutest crinkles at the corners.The smile faded. He was close. "Gee Doc. I don't know. This morning I thought I was fine. I started a new job. People were friendly. I met a nice man. At least, at first I thought he was nice." I cringed. "Then I learn that he had been objectifying me while my back was turned. Later, when I didn't immediately acquiesce to his advances involving unspecified after hours activities." I started to interject... He held up his hand, flattened palm toward. He does have big hands. Wonder if... He continued. "After I didn't answer right away. He turned hostile. I mean he said something nice. But, I wasn't sure he meant it. the good part, i mean. It sounded all passive agressive. He was obviously upset and angry with me. I was so distraught, I cried in the men's room for almost an hour. Just now, that same "nice man" physically assaulted me. While my back was turned. Because of him, this place has become a hazardous, hostile work environment. I'm considering a lawsuit." He was silent, at last. Absently I wondered if he was related to Julie. Nah, they both just talked a lot, once they got going. I certainly wasn't buying any of that bullshit. I just couldn't see where this was going. But, I was sure as hell not reverting. To the adolescent and childish behaviors, I had exhibited earlier in the day. But god he was gorgeous. Jeff began massaging the back of his neck. I was so tempted to offer a hand or two. "Doc, I think I got whiplash from that shove.You were pretty angry when you came back from lunch. Are you sure you didn't push me on purpose? I mean. I think, I felt hands on my ass just before I hit the floor.That felt more deliberate than accidental. Did you Doc? Did you push me on purpose? I mean you were angry, really angry; earlier. Did you act out of anger and claim it was an accident? You know that wouldn't be the first time a man put his hands on my ass. That push felt like it was done by a man's hands. Did you, Doc? Did you put your hands on my ass? I would like to state; here and now. I am a good listener. It is my job. But, for the life of me most of what I remember of what he said was how sensuously his lips moved as they formed the word "Doc". It was like he was getting into a deep kiss.I did glean from the conversation that he thought I had pushed him. I also recall my "hands on his ass" I entertained the concept for a moment. Something clicked in my brain and fantasies faded. No sweat! I knew they'd be back when I got settled in at home. Home, I was tired. Why wasn't I already home. Home with Jeff. Fuck! I had to defend myself. The idea that I had pushed him was beyond ridiculous. Putting my hands on that amazin; not so ridiculous.I forced my head to do a double-take, to focus my thoughts. "Jeff, I didn't push you at all. That was an accident. I was locking my door. I had my back turned. I didn't see you. I did't push you. I had my keys in one hand and my briefcase in the other. I couldn`t have pushed you." His face to on a smug expression."Prove it." Exaperated, i challedged, "What do you mean prove it? We don't have cameras in here that's part of why you're here. I can't prove I didn't push you." I was beginning to get irritated. This made no sense. At all! It had been a long and tiring day. Had it been anyone other than mister eye candy, I would have already excused myself. Locked the doors and gone home. Now it was Jeff's turn to challenge, "Well, if you can't prove it. Convince me." Still close. I could smell him. I shook my head again. My challege, "How? Jeff, this is ridiculous. I can't convince you, anymore than I can prove I didn't push you. If you can't accept my apology and face the fact that your fall was an accident. Then I don't see that we have anything further to discuss. Let's just lock up and go home. Frankly, I'm tired. Can we just forget about today and start fresh tomorrow?" Table tennis anyone? This time there was conviction in his voice, "You can convince me." After a slight pause, "If you try." His serve, now my return. My voice beginning to show my agitation at this pointless conversation, "Alright, how?" His glowed with a slight smile... Maybe he WAS related to Julie. Nah, close but his was more... inticing. He moved closer. I could feel the warmth of his body. His masculine aroma; a mixture of sweat and deodorant was stronger. I didn't have to breathe deep to gather it in. I inhaled deeply. It was decidedly nice. Essence of Jeff. I'd buy that cologne. Not wear it. Just use it to... He was kissing close. I could feel his breath on my face. It smelled of cinnamon. Cinnamon and, and, Old Spice. It was like a warm kitchen and fresh air together. He took my hands and drew me even closer. Gently he placed both my hands on his hips. Once he was sure I would hold them there he placed his around my waist. In a low, sexy whisper, he said, "Now pull me toward you." I put light pressure on his magni... His rear end. He took a half step closer. I hadn't pulled hard enough to inspire that much movement. "Close enough?" I had intended that as a statement. His voice seemed to come from far away. "Not yet, Doc." I felt the vibration more; than I heard the sound. That vibration traveled down my spine and made my cock jump to life. Leaning in so that his lips lightly brushed my ear he whispered, "Pull me closer." I was lost. I was somewhere in a fantasy. A fantasy that had Jeff, in my arms, whispering in my ear. I pulled my fantasy closer. Were in full body contact. There was tension in his voice, "Not Yet, Doc. Pull me harder; closer." I pulled him closer. So close I felt his cock throb against my already swollen and, I was sure, leaking manhood. Holding him tightly I forced my cock to pulse against his. "Convinced now?" So close and yet it came from far away. Vibrating my body, "Not yet, Doc." Leaving my right hand on his ass, which began kneading the well muscled mass. I raised my left hand and massaged the back of his neck. Just as I had seen him do."Convinced now?" "Not yet, Doc." I guided his face toward mine and placed my lips on his. They were soft, yielding and sensuous. I caressed his lips with the tip of my tongue. His sensuous lips parted. My tongue went inside to explore and to taste the spicy sweetness. I ran my fingers through his hair.I massaged his ass cheek and kissed him with all the honest passion I felt. His hands made their way to my ass and began working magic as we melted together. We were both short of breath. Gasping and snorting for air. The kiss held. Masturbation is fun and provides relief. This kiss took me to a place of true eroticism. I felt the warning signs as my balls lurched. I broke the kiss and stepped back. Gasping for air and self-control. I managed; somehow to speak. Still reclaiming the breath, that kiss had stolen. "Convinced"... gasp ..."Yet?" He stood there staring blankly. His blue eyes sparkled. His moist lip parted to suck in air. I couldn't honestly tell if he had even heard the question. "Jeff?....Jeff, are you alright?" What is this? Groundhog Day? His blank expression shifted into that thousand watt smile. "Not Yet, Doc." With that he took my head in his hands pressed lips hungrily to mine. I have kissed. I have been kissed. I told you what that last kiss had almost done to me. This kiss, his kiss. Did something entirely different. Oh, it made my dick stand Sear's Tower tall. I knew that I was in no danger of cuming. At least I was safe as long as he didn't touch me there, or anywhere.As long as his hands held my face. I would be OK. Maybe? Thes kiss made me feel warm and safe and secure. This kiss took me to green meadows with flowers and sunshine. Jeff went with me. This kiss took us where we were snuggly warm in front of my fireplace. Watching a heavy snowfall slowly isolate us; from rest of the world. My kissing brought me to the edge of cumming. His kissing me drove me crazy with desire; to keep him. To keep him close enough so we could share more of my kisses and lots more of his kisses. His kissing me made me want to share everything with him; my kiss, my home, my life, my heart, my soul. He broke the kiss... I was left with my eyes closed and my tongue searching the empty air for his. I tried to recover. He blushed, "Looks like you're happy about that kiss or do you keep a bully club in your pants. I`ve felt your violent oubursts." I looked down. I knew what was happening. After all it was my cock. I wanted to see how bad the precum had dampened my trousers. A small spot. It would dry soon. I said the first thing I thought of that would change the subject and lesson my embarrassment.It came out like this, "So why did you kiss me like that?" There went that blush. "Well, I figured I had it coming after your kiss got me so close to cumming." My turn to blush. Still I felt a lot better. "Look, Doc I, uh, when I saw you this morning, I couldn't believe the way I felt. I wasn't sure what it was. I mean you are probably the most handsome man I've seen face to face.Your smart and funny and I figure you got your pick of men."When you asked me to have drinks with you well, you know, I got kind of flustered. I talked to Julie while you were with you first patient. She told me you were gay. I felt kind of stupid. I mean once she pointed out the awards and all. But, then again I'd been too busy watching you to notice much of anything." "I had figured you for straight as the proverbial arrow. I was a little relieved. Then again even knowing you were gay. I think I would have just done my job and left here and remembered you for a long time. I mean, I know look okay. My friends try to fix me up. But, it's always the same. Men either fall all over themselves trying to please or impress me or else they check how they look in a mirror or a window every time I'd turn around. Those guys always make me feel like they expect something better to come along any minute." "When you asked me for drinks, I hesitated. I was trying to convince myself that you were actually interested. And quite frankly, I was trying to decide if you were one of hot guys I was talking about. By the fime I figured out that you weren't. Franck called for my help." His thousand watt smile had framed almost word. Except when he expressed self doubt. It was so cute. Seeing Adonis with fears and foibles. The thousand watt smiled turned on brighter than ever.I guess you made youself perfectly clear, when you caught me and Julie talking." Smile fading again. I'm guessing a change of subject, "When you came back from lunch, I was going to ask if the invitation was still open.You know how that went. Then when Julie came back. She asked me to wait until she talked to you. After you two talked, she told me about lunch." He chuckled until he saw my reaction. His face took on a serious look. His jaw tensed and I could tell he was fighting to hide some emotion. After a moment the placid look returned and he continued. Even as he began to speak, he looked away. I had the impression that it would hurt him to look at me. I braced myself. He began in a rush and didn`t take a breath, until he finished. "Doc, I wasn't pushed and I didn't fall. I was desperate to talk to you. To be close to you. I been right here for over an hour pacing and waiting. I was going to talk to you but I remembered our meeting after lunch. It was a dirty trick and I would be sorry. But, we kissed and well." It seemed to take a lot, but he forced himself to look into my eyes again. He searched my face. Then settled down and met my gaze. He continued. This time slower, but still hurried. "When you came backing out of your office I did a pratfall. I actually put my hands on your ass to make you think there had been contact. The rest, well, Like I said, I should say I'm sorry. I'm not. When you kissed me... that was the greatest kiss I ever felt. I was so close to cumming I didn't care. I you hadn't broken away when you did I would be standing here in cummy drawers.Hell, I haven't kissed a man, other than you, in almost two years. I just felt like I might not get another chance. So, I put everything I had in that kiss. I can't even tell you what all I put into that kiss. Some of it scared me. Like it was someplace new, comfortable but new, with you and there was fire... and. I don't know. I didn't mean it to be a sexy kiss. But, I can tell you. Doc. right now my cock is so cramped and crowded it's crushing my balls. If we do anything like those two kisses, I'll go off like a Fourth of July skyrocket. I'll be walking around wet and sticky; for sure." I became aware that I had been slack jawed and staring only when I heard, "Doc, is that an invitation or are you actually at a loss for words." I snapped my jaw shut and was about to tell him a thing or to, or three. Then I saw that smile. It wasn't dazzling. It was shy and hopeful. It warmed me inside. I wanted to take him in my arms and reassure him. I wanted to help him find that dazzling thousand watt smile. I did something. I must have done something. I had to have done something besides stare at that beautiful, shy, heart warming smile. He searched my face and found something cause that thousand watt smile lit up my world. I basked in glow, until it faded. His look became that of a michevious little boy, "You know, You still owe me drinks and dinner. Unless you want your company to deal with a physical and emotional damages lawsuit. My cousin is an ambulance chaser. He would love to get hold of this." I was floored. He had just admitted to faking everything. Was he some kind of psycho? ( don't you just love those professional terms) The shy, blushing, Adonis' was back in the bullshit business. "But, but, you just confessed! The little boy smile held, "Not yet Doc. What I told you has Doctor/Client privilege written all over it. I shared my inner most thoughts with you. That's your job to listen to people tell you their....." Here his voice became a sultry whisper, that washed over me, "tell you their desires, dreams and loves." I got lost...I don't know...I just got lost... Finally, I sputtered let's look up,, I, mean, let me, let me lock up." The little boy smile was back, "Well, what's it gonna be, Doc? You buying or me suing? You need to make a decision." With that, he flashed me a thousand watt smile. "Either you buy or I sue. I got the upper hand, and I'm keeping it." I was still fighting to regain my composure. My never-fail quick wit rose to the challenge with, "uh huh." With that perfect rejoinder he broke up. His laughter echoed full and deep. By the time he regained his composure and wiped the tears from his eyes. I was in my patented pissed off mode. He wasn't buying it. He was close again... When did he move away? "Doc, don't give me that pissed off look" His arms wrapped around me in a now familiar way. His hands resting on my ass. In a soft masculine vibration, "You been riding me hard since I first showed up here. How long did you think I was going to bite my lip and not respond?" He leaned back while still holding me."Your good looks may be intimidating, but I can only be pushed so far, until I start pushing back. Now, since you asked me to have a drink. I figure you must see something you like. After all, your kiss convinced me. You've seen something in me, you like." He moved his lips in close to my ear. His warm sweet breath washed over and sent a tingle down to my balls. In a low sexy voice, he almost whispered, "I hope you like what you see. I sure do." With that he moved to allow his lips to rest gently on mine. He kissed me. I am sure that my brain was too busy thinking of snappy comebacks to control my reaction. Cause my lips parted, my arms wrapped around him and my tongue gave his a resounding hello. When he broke the kiss, I was left panting, like a dog left out in the heat.... (No, not like a dog in heat. What? did you think it was a typo?) "Doc, Doc, How about we forget drinks and dinner and just go back to my place?" How does he get so far away while he is still in my arms? Ah, but the vibration. Again I called upon all my mental acuity, "I, uh, I, I mean, we, uh, I, uh, we don't know, I mean NO! I mean drinks and dinner is fine." (Yeah, effective communication, is my Hallmark.) I could see him straining not to laugh again. I wasn't pissed anymore, but, I was not going to be grateful either. I mean almost laughing is almost as bad. Ok, my logic left with took a hiatus along with my other mental faculties. Jeff seemed to sense I needed a minute. "Jim." The first time he spoke my name. On his tongue, the sound held tease and pleasure. "Why don't you lock up here. I'll get the rest of my stuff and be back in a couple of minutes. Don't lock me in. I've already seen, none of you guys even own a decent couch. If you did, we wouldn't still be talking. What kind of shrink doesn't have a couch?" He began gathering up his tools and I stumbled to the reception area. By the time he was ready. Ah shit! Who am I kidding. I was still dumbfounded! Outside, I managed to lock the door and activate the security system, as Jeff waited a discrete, few steps away. "Are you able to drive? I could follow you, but I don't like to use my uncle's truck, for personal use. There's a nice Italian place about three blocks over. If you don't like Italian, you should probably say so now. We can go our separate ways and say it's been fun. I know you had an Italian sub at lunch. But, that`s not Italian. Besides, you didn`t eat it." He actually looked concerned. "What? If I don't like Italian, we, uh, we uh can't be friends?" "Not as far as Mama's is concerned." "It was hard enough to get her to accept that I won't be contributing to the Risoney gene pool. Fortunately, I have two older brothers so I am not the end of the line. If I bring home a lasagna hating boyfriend, well lets just say I could plan on auditioning for the Vienna Boys Choir." The separation in locking up at last let my brain function at a normal level, "Mama? Boyfriend? You are moving way too fast. You don't know me." When he spoke it was as if it were a memorized recitation. Hurriedly as if speed would help him get it right. "I know more than you think. You are not quiet thirty. You are an only child whose father died in a fire on the west side when you were a ten." At this he stepped closer and laid his hands on my shoulders as a comforting gesture. "Your mother never remarried. You carried a four point oh in high school. Head of your class at Chicago University. You have a minor in IT, which means you could probably do my job better than I. You're a died hard Cubs fan. In fact you once used the excuse your uncle died in order to take advantage of seats behind home plate. They lost the game and you don't have any uncle's. You have had one relationship that lasted two years, just after college. Your favorite color is any shade of blue. You sometimes drive too fast. Your not into one night stands and your mother's favorite photo of you is one in your underwear." At last a pause, for breath and to consider. I was getting better at reading him. "That might explain the whole sex therapist thing." Another, shorter pause. He continued, still speaking quickly. "You're the assistant coach on a little league team. You work out but had rather run. You eat sensibly, except you can't resist Tiramisu. Your compassionate, handsome, no discernable bad habits, your bark is worse than your bite, you live alone and haven't had a pet since your dog died two years ago, a mixed breed boxer that you rescued. You're a good cook who hates to cook for just yourself." "As for me; Mama would like it if you were Catholic (not even I can tell her about gays and Catholicism) Still, she only demands that we attend Christmas Eve mass. So I guess it could be worse. You can go to church once a year, right?" thankfully my brain was still on normal; I nodded. Not even sure what I was agreeing to.(new normal) "Oh, and if you ask me to spend the night, tonight. There is something you ought to know... two things actually." I did a double take to clear my head. Maybe I was the one who fell down. Nothing has made much sense since I left my office. Hell, this whole day has been...Just fucking weird! I need to lie down. Gathering the last half of my wits, "What, What do I need to know? If you spend, I mean If I ask you... Oh, I get it your fishing to see if I was interested." Now I was coming around. Now I could regain my mental footing. "No, not fishing. I have you hooked, just like you got me. Unless I really mess up at dinner. And I don't mean use the wrong fork. Unless I really mess up. You are going to ask me to stay the night. We may or may not have sex. Even money on that one. Well..." That thousand watt smile made me consider whether my condoms were out of date... Should I stop on the wa..."What makes you think so, Mister smarty pants?" See, I told you I was getting it back. My mental footing. Yeah, right. Mental footing of a moron. Still at least I said something. "You know Jim, at first you were really intimidating. With your wit, charm and good looks. But, I really like this side of you. When you let your insecurities show. It make you seem, I don't know, less perfect, almost easy to love." Then a teasing smile, "You aren't having a stroke or anything, are you? This is not a permanent condition, is it?" Finally regaining some sense of composure. I realized that drinks and dinner, at an Italian restaurant, was a done deal. I wanted to make it clear that nothing was understood beyond tiramisu. "Are you done yet? I got a few things I want to make perfectly clear." As I began speaking he moved closer and pulled me into his arms. Just before he kissed me, He whispered, "Not yet, Doc." This is something different from "Gordy comes Home". As usual, let me hear what you think... Only way I'll know if my writing entertains.