Date: Wed, 26 Mar 2014 21:33:08 +0000
From: Chris Johns <chris-johns@hotmail.com>
Subject: Prisoner of my Mind Pt.2

			    PRISONER OF MY MIND
				  Part 2

Confused...that was an underestimate of my state of mind. He had looked
after my home for four years, kept it beautifully, looked after my clothes,
ready for me to step back into them. There was no sign of another person
living with him so he wasn't using my place as a love nest for him and a
new lover, and he was apologising. I dropped down to my knees in front of
him and took him in my arms, stroking his body and gently kissing his face.

"What are you sorry for?"

He pulled away from me enough to look into my eyes.

"The attorney gave me your message, so I came back here. When you were
convicted, I didn't know what to do, so I stayed to look after your home. I
should have moved; I'm so sorry."

I laughed.

"Silly, you have saved me loads of trouble trying to find you. I am so
pleased you stayed here."

"Really?" he said, with a surprised look on his face.

"Really. I worried about you all the time I was in prison. I was going to
start searching for you as soon as I was settled back here."

He didn't know what to say so we both just sat looking at each other for
ages. My little sixteen year old was now twenty and, if anything, looked
more handsome and beautiful to me than he had four years ago, so I told
him.

"You have grown into such a beautiful man. I suppose you have a new lover
every week if you want one."

The look of shock added to the confusion I had felt at his apology. He
found it difficult to get the following words out.

"I don't have any lovers. I gave myself to you forever."

"You mean you have had no lovers since I was imprisoned?"

He shook his head.

"But I was given twenty-five years. You weren't going to be celibate all
that time, were you?"

He nodded, and I was dumbstruck. This boy had given himself to me, and, for
him, that meant for life. I loved him, but I didn't think I would have been
true to him in these circumstances if our roles had been reversed. It was a
commitment that no one in the world would expect to keep, was my thought.

I was lost now; I didn't know what to say, or what to do. Should I take him
to bed, should I ask him what to do? I hadn't made a decision for four
years, apart from my Foreign Office hassle the last few days, but for that
I must have been running on adrenaline. So I asked.

"What are we going to do now, Toy?"

He looked as bemused as me. He shrugged his shoulders.

"I need to get out of these clothes and have a shower. I will move my
things into the spare bedroom; then I must sort out some food for us for
dinner. Then I think we will need to talk."

I was shocked at the idea of him moving out. He told me he had committed to
me for life, so why would he want to move out of my bedroom? So I asked.

"I think I should give you space while you work out what you want to do
with me."

Was he kidding? That comment hit home. I needed to tell him how much I
still loved him, how the good thoughts of him had helped me get through my
time in prison.

"Come and sit down again. I think talk first, everything else afterwards."

We sat opposite each other which was best really, because he could watch my
eyes; they would tell him as much as my words.

"I don't think a day went by when I didn't think of you. My first thought,
after being arrested, was how to make sure you were safe and housed. I
loved you so much. Nothing in those four years changed that. I only had my
thoughts of you to sustain that love. On my release, I was realistic enough
to believe you would have moved on, but I was going to find out. I wanted
to make sure you were safe and well. I kind of guessed you were still here
after I had looked round."

I tried to smile at my attempt at humour. Toy just looked back at me
searching my eyes.

"I don't know what is going to happen to us now. You are beautiful, and I'm
sure I still love you, but we have to find out if we can get back what we
had before. You must have changed in the four years I have been gone, and I
am going to be a different person. Four years of near isolation has made a
different man of me. You may not like the new me."

It was quite apparent he understood the implications of what I had said, so
I continued.

"I don't want you to move out of your bedroom. I would like to sleep with
you tonight. I don't know if anything will happen, but I would like someone
to hold, and I can think of no one I would sooner do that with than you."

He nodded and replied.

"I would like that also. I understand what you are saying and will honour
your wishes, whatever they are."

That sounded so formal, as though he was gearing himself to be rejected. I
teared up.

"I love you so much, Toy, but we have both changed. I understand it may not
be the same as before, or even acceptable for you to continue to live with
me as my lover, but even if that doesn't work I hope we can still be
friends and, of course, you can continue to live here as long as you like."

He got up then and walked into the master bedroom. I was lost again; I
didn't know what to do, and so I just sat there, lost in my own little
world. Bitter thoughts rose in my mind. I shouldn't have to think like
this. Toy and I had a wonderful relationship before I was arrested; we
would probably have made the long haul in our lives. Now I was fumbling
around in the dark, carrying emotions I didn't know how to handle. Would he
have the patience to put up with me as I tried to re-adjust to my new
world? I wanted to touch him and cuddle him so much; I wanted the human
touch I had been denied for four years. The guards had fucked me and made
me give them blowjobs, but never with any affection. My reward usually had
been a beating for being less than a man, servicing their needs.

Toy came out of the bedroom dressed in just a sarong. It took my breath
away; he was even more beautiful than I remembered, and in the sarong he
appeared to glide rather than walk. I couldn't help it; my tears flowed
freely then, thinking about what I had been denied these last four
years. He saw them and rushed to my side, taking me in his arms. We didn't
say anything; me, because I couldn't; him because he didn't know what to
say. When I calmed down, I apologised, but he wouldn't accept it as being
necessary.

"You need apologise for nothing my love. I'm here for you; please accept me
for who I am now; your lover forever, if you want me."

We were very quiet for the remainder of the evening. While he prepared
dinner, I showered and dressed in lightweight jeans and a polo, both which
looked silly on me; they were much too big. He didn't say anything, but he
must have noticed.  I tired easy and early; the strain of handling freedom
had a debilitating effect on me; so, about nine-thirty, I said I needed to
go to bed. Toy immediately stood up and started to shut off TV, lights,
etc., in preparation to follow me.

"You don't have to come to bed this early, Toy. I just tire quickly at the
moment."

"But you need someone to cuddle you."

I just nodded. I was lost; I knew I wanted him, but I didn't know how to
ask. I remembered how I used to spoon him into me to sleep, but now I
wanted to feel his arms round me. I wanted him to make me feel safe. I
think he realised, because he let me get into bed first, and then he
climbed in behind me and immediately pulled me into a cuddle, my back to
him and touching his whole body. He whispered in my ear.

"I love you so much; sleep well."

It was like heaven; I cried softly, but was soon asleep, Toy's arms
encasing me and making me feel truly safe for the first time in four years.
                                                        ****** I woke
suddenly, feeling more refreshed than I could remember. I started to move
and realised I had a pair of arms holding me close to a soft warm body. I
sighed and snuggled. It felt so good; I felt so good.

"Good morning, lovely man."

I rolled over to look into a pair of happy eyes, happy eyes that I hadn't
seen for four years.

"Good morning, lovely boy. You make me feel so good. I love you so much!"

He grinned.

"I'm glad; it was so good to hold you all night. I might never want us to
go back to the other way."

I laughed. "Mmm, I feel the same way."

I leant in and kissed him, just a gentle one, but it made the tears appear
again. I shot out of bed and headed for the bathroom, speaking over my
shoulder.

"I'm sorry, my love; I promise I'll get better."

He was behind me so quickly I gasped, as he grabbed me and pulled me into
him again.

"You need never apologise. I love you! I know this is all hard for you, but
I'm here for you. As long as it takes I'm here for you."

I relaxed and we got on with our day. He had to go into college but
promised to be home early. He gave me a set of keys; huh, my flat, he hands
out keys. I laughed.

"It's so nice of you to give me the run of your home."

I hadn't asked him what he was still doing at college, but I did when he
came home that afternoon. He looked extremely shy as he replied to my
query.

"I was accepted into Uni after I returned from Vietnam. I got a very good
degree in Modern English and was asked if I would take up a scholarship for
a doctorate."

He looked guilty and I looked amazed, but I grabbed him in a bear hug and
told him how proud of him I was.

"I shall have to look to my laurels now won't I?"

He didn't know what I meant and I didn't explain; I just hugged him and
told him again how much I loved him.

Things didn't change very much for several weeks, though I relaxed more and
started to put my life back together again. I had to sit with my investment
people for a while, sorting what I needed to do to generate the income I
would need. I read a lot, trying to bring myself up to speed to begin again
as a student. I never got an erection and Toy never worried me about it. We
became very affectionate around each other like we had been before, but no
sex was puting a strain on the relationship. It wasn't all about sex, but
that had always been so good and so exciting, and a way for us to show each
other the love we felt. He was brilliant; he would touch me when he spoke
to me, sometimes just a gentle caress of a forearm; at others a full-blown
cuddle or hug accompanied by a kiss. He continued to spoon me at night and,
of course, he started to spring wood, particularly in the mornings.

University began for me, and that was another huge hurdle. Being around
huge numbers of fellow students put tremendous pressure on me. It had been
so long since I had needed to interact with a lot of other people for long
periods of time. One student in particular was so good for me and to me. We
had the same lecture roster, both studying computer science. He was, of
course, three years younger than me, but we gelled, and after I told him my
story, he ran shot gun for me, pulling me out of difficult crowded company
when he saw me overloading emotionally. I guess I must have talked about
him a lot because Toy started to look sad, and it was sometime before I
picked up on it. The crunch came after the half term.

"I have another two years left for my Doctorate, David. I can move into
halls if you would like me to; it is no trouble."

I looked at him totally bemused; what brought that on?

"I'm sorry, my love; I thought we were getting on ok. I know we haven't
made love, but I could satisfy you if you would like me to. I have tried
because I love you so much, but sex was dirty and usually painful. I guess
my sub-conscious is fighting against my desires to make love to you."

He looked confused.

"I don't understand. You spend so much time talking about Jerry, I thought
you wanted him to come and live with you."

Then it clicked; duh, and I thought I understood my beautiful lover.

"Oh, Toy, I'm so sorry! Jerry is so good for me in college. He looks after
me when the crowds of students get me overstressed, but he is just a
friend. He helps to keep me sane the same as you do when we go out. I don't
even think he is gay. He knows I am, and he also knows that I live with the
most beautiful and clever man in the world. I love you. I think I'm always
going to love you!"

He threw himself into my arms and cried.

"I thought I was losing you! I love you too! I know you will be well one
day, and I can wait."

That night when we fell into bed, I resumed my old role and spooned
him. That was the right thing to do. My cock obviously liked being pressed
up against his cute butt, because it started to elongate. For the first
time in longer than I could remember, I was getting an erection. When it
was too hard to be ignored, Toy turned over and, with his nose just about
touching mine, he whispered.

"Make love to me, David; take me to Paradise like you always used to."

I kissed him on the lips and he rolled away from me to turn on the
light. Then he threw the covers off us and resumed his old position.

"I want to watch you. You have such a sexy body again; I just want to feel
you inside me."

Yes, I knew I was almost back to normal, body wise; my clothes all fit me
again, and I had been hitting the gym. That was somewhere else I had Jerry
for company. Toy didn't work out, so my training partner was Jerry. I
realised I would have to get these two together sometime, but now I was
just going to make love to my angel.

It was much easier than I expected. Looking at his body and touching it
brought back all the old memories. The memories overrode any more doubts
and I took my love off to Paradise. We both cried when I had finished; our
orgasms had been strong enough to render us speechless for ages. The only
outward sign of our feelings was a load of happy tears, and so much cum on
Toy's torso I couldn't believe it was all his.

The last demon went with that session, and sleep that night was as sound as
any I had ever enjoyed. The following morning was hysterical, because we
had fallen asleep without cleaning up. The bedding was stiff where Toy had
leaked my contribution to the previous night's proceedings, and he and I
were almost glued together with his. We both had pee hardons, and I
rejoiced at seeing my little brain reacting so enthusiastically.

That was the day I knew Toy and I would make it for the long haul.

				  THE END

********************************************************************