Date: Fri, 7 Mar 2003 22:51:28 EST From: JuilianJ@aol.com Subject: the story of us part 17 THE STORY OF US BY: Julien This story is 100% fictional and is by no means depictive of the life of any person, place or thing. It contains sexual activities between males and should only be read if it is legal to do so in your area. Read at your own risk and enjoy. Comments are welcomed and would be very much appreciated. ENJOY! His hand was on my chest pushing me into the mattress and I couldn't move. I doubt if I ever wanted to move from this position ever again. His head, once high above, was now making a slow decent towards my chest. I opened my mouth trying to speak but words evaded me. He put a single finger to his lips and held it there, signaling for me to be quiet, I obliged. His tongue slowly exited his mouth and made contact with one nipple while his hand worked on another. I tried to move but I couldn't, my body was frozen, I was frozen and then he spoke: "Get up. Get up." Everything became hazy and his body seemed to dissolve into thin air. My eyes popped open and he completely vanished, a figment of my over worked imagination. "Bobby, get up, it's Richie." Realizing where I was and what was happening I shook my head of all thoughts, I couldn't be thinking about this, not now. The banging I realized was coming from the door and it was getting heavier. "Hold up man." I cried jumping out of bed and pulling on the nearest article of clothing to me, a crumpled pair of boxers. I made my way into the hall way and towards the door opening it. "What time is it?" I asked not quite getting a good look at him. He looked down at his hand and replied with, "7:30A.M." "What happened? Are you ok?" "No, yes, I don't know, I just had to get away from there, I hope you're not mad. I know it's early and you probably have to go to the studio..." before he could continue, I grabbed his hand and pulled him inside. "You're welcome here any time Richie, you know that." "Thanks." Was his only response. "You want some coffee or something?" "No, I'm ok. Go back to sleep, I just want to take a nap before I go back over there." I could hear the dread in his voice. "You want to talk about it?" I was tired, I was miserable and above all I was confused but right now, none of that seemed to matter. He needed me and as strange as it may have sounded to my own ears, I needed him to need me. He shook his head and slowly made his way into the guest bedroom. I followed behind cautiously. Knowing Richie as long as I had, he was liable to break down at any second and I was determined for once to be right where he needed me. "Did he say something to you?" I asked, my voice betraying my feelings. "Huh." "Michael. What did he say to you?" He shrugged it off, "he didn't have to say anything, just being an asshole comes oh so natural to him, I hate it sometimes, you know." And I did know. Michael was never my favorite person in the world and whenever it came to Richie, all bets were off, I was like a wary parent watching my child when it came to that. "Yeah I do know." And as an after thought I continued with, "Why not come back here Richie. I know we have a lot to resolve but I liked having your scrawny behind in my place." He turned and smiled at me and then burst into a fit of laughter. "Yeah, yeah, yeah." "It's true Richie." Since his arrival I had been somewhat on guard but I had since relaxed my stance. His look softened when I said that and a smile now plagued his lips and I was reminded of that night in Jamaica, how it was, how I felt just being there with him, making a dream come true for him and I had to quickly make all those thoughts go away because I knew if dwelled on it any longer, I might have started a chain reaction that I couldn't have possible controlled. "I appreciate that Bobby, I really do but ...I'm kinda missing my own apartment, and even though it's crappy, it's mine and I want to go home." "I feel you. You know you have every opp to fix up that place, it's not like you can't afford it." "I know, it's just that I haven't had time." "Well you have time now. Without me as a client, you have all the time in the world to do it. And if you want, I'm here to help you, in whatever way I can." And I had to mentally kick myself for adding in that last part. He seemed to pick up on it and let his head hang for a moment, "yeah, I guess. We'll have to talk about it." And boy did we have a lot to talk about. "Well you get some sleep man and when you're up, maybe we can get some lunch or dinner, whatever the case may be." "Aren't you going into the studio?" "I can go into the studio anytime but when do we get the opp to spend some time together." And I meant it, every single word. "Ok, I think we'll do that but right now, all I'm interested in is sleep." I was too. "Get a good nap man." "Thanks and Bobby." "Yeah?" "I appreciate it." "Anytime." I wanted to sleep, I could feel it wash over me but sleep refused to come and instead I found myself wide-awake. Wide awake and thinking. Not about anything in particular but I found that my thoughts were geared towards him. Towards how I felt about him and how I was prepared to deal with the realities of the situation. I had already put myself out on a limb once but I was not sure I was prepared to do it a second time. And a thought popped into my head. Maybe I should do like Michael and play the field, enjoy my freedom while I was young, use and abuse men without thought or consequence. But even as I thought it, I knew in my heart I could never do it. It was just not in my makeup to be an asshole to anyone. I couldn't fuck someone for the sake of fucking them. I needed more with sex or it would never be pleasurable for me. I needed the whole enchilada, the feelings, the intimacy, the talks, the awkwardness, the works. And at that moment I came to realize that if I couldn't get the whole package, I didn't want any of it. "You slept ok?" I looked up when I realized he was talking to me. "Yeah." I lied. By the time I managed to quiet the voices in my head it was almost three in the afternoon and I found myself unable to fall asleep. "Good because I was thinking that maybe we could go out for dinner..." "Ok." "In New Jersey." "Oh." "If it's too far we can always go in the city, I just thought that..." "No, it's fine Bobby. Jersey would be great. I haven't been to the garden state in a while." And while I was curious as hell to know what prompted such a distance, I was glad that we would be getting away, even if it were only for a couple of hours. "Cool. So you gonna stop by Michaels' before we go?" I looked down at my clothes and nodded my head. The jeans and crinkled t-shirt look had to go and knowing his taste in clothing...well, enough said. "Yeah. Got to take a shower and change you know. I mean walking next to you, I don't want to be looking like a bag man." He started to laugh and lightly punched me in the arm. "It's a dress down night Richie, I promise. Nothing fancy, this place is amazing, so laid back, so quiet, so isolated..." he paused and allowed his eyes to continue holding mine and I wondered if he knew what he was doing to me. "Maybe it'll be just the right environment for us to talk. Get away from New York for a change..." he let his words trail off leaving me to fill in the rest. "Ok." was all I could say to that. "Grab your coat. I'll give you a ride over to Michaels and then I'm gonna head out for a little while." I didn't ask him where, instead I did as I was instructed and met him at the car, jumped into the passengers seat and leaned my head against the headrest, allowing my eyes to close and my thoughts to wander. "Richie." I heard him call my name loud and clear but I refused to acknowledge him, I was still mad about last night. "So what, we're gonna play this game now, me talk while you pretend not to hear me?" I remained silent enjoying the fact that he was getting annoyed with each passing minute. "Hello! Richie!" And I couldn't help but let loose a giggle. "You little fucker, you find that shit funny?" A smile plagued his handsome face "Yes." "Well have your laughs. See what happens when you come back and find your shit on my doorstep." With that we both cracked up laughing. After all the laughs died down I found myself wanting to talk to Michael, to tell him about how I was feeling and what I hoped tonight would represent but something held me back. Maybe it was the fact that I knew Michael would ruin my little fantasy with a sprinkling of the truth or he would push me to do something I wasn't prepared to do. "So are we cool?" he asked. "About?" I wasn't going to make this easy on him. "You know what about." "Maybe I don't." "I'm not gonna spell it out for you Richie so if that's what you're trying to get out from me, you won't get it." And I found my resolve loosening, "ok, ok we're cool. Aren't we always?" He seemed to hesitate for a moment when he said, "yeah, I guess. You almost had me convinced." "Had you convinced?" I asked confused. "Yeah, convinced that I was actually being an asshole." And I thought, 'if only he knew'. "Well that's still being debated on." I decided to change the subject and turn the tables a little bit. "What happened last night?" His smile disappeared and he crossed his arms over his chest, he seemed to be taking up that stance a lot lately, "Come on man, just when we're actually getting things back on track." And I decided that I wasn't about to let him let this slide, for once, I was going to take the active role. "Tell me Michael. I'm your friend and I'm worried about you." And for a moment I thought he was going to storm out but instead he shocked the hell out of me by pulling out a chair from the dining table and sitting down. I quickly followed suit not wanting him to change his mind. For a while he just stared at the wall behind me but when I gently touched his face, he focused on me. "You know what it is like not to have any control over a situation Richie, to know that no matter how hard you try to make things turn out your way, it just doesn't happen that way?" I wasn't sure if that was a rhetorical question or if it were directed to me for answering so I kept quiet and he continued, "I don't know. I suppose I deserved the way things are turning out for me. I've been as asshole to a lot of people and the truth of the matter is that I could care less. I mean that's just me. I like to fuck Richie. It's a natural feeling as wanting to breathe fresh air in the morning or taking a hot shower after a long day at work." He must have noticed me giving a look of disdain for he was quick to add, "you were never a part of that equation Richie. If you don't hear anything else from me, hear this. What you and me had was a relationship that was better suited to be a friendship. And if truth be told, I'm glad it turned out that way. I could have no better friend than you to keep me in check." By now I knew I was blushing. "You make me see what an asshole I can be and I appreciate you for that, which is why I feel so fucking low right now." "Adam?" I piped in. "Yeah. No matter what you may be thinking, the truth of the matter was that I never wanted it to end this way." "I don't see why it had to end at all Michael. What more do you want from him." "Nothing, absolutely nothing! I didn't want or need anything else from Adam. Adam wasn't even the fucking problem." I didn't get it and I told him so. "I don't get it either. I mean with every other guy there was always a flaw, an excuse and that's why things didn't work out but with Adam, he had his own money, a good job, good looking, great in bed, a fucking personality- Thank God! I couldn't find not one flaw with him and then all of a sudden I start thinking, the problem isn't with all these guys, the problem is with me, I'm the one with fatal flaw and I knew once I realized that, Adam would too." "He wouldn't have cared Michael." "But I would have. I've been taught since I was a child never to shit on people who do things for you. I had so few people like that around me when I was younger and now that I'm older, I can count on one hand the people that have done things for me, including you. I know Adam would have been like that too. Always wanting to help me out, give give give." "There's nothing wrong with a man wanting to take care of you Michael. Isn't that what every man wants?" "Not me, I don't need to leach off of anybody for anything. And I know that if Adam and I were to have embarked on this great thing you call a 'committed relationship', I would only have ended up fucking it up and hurting him more." "So you just dump him without giving him the choice of whether or not he wants to go through the long haul with you. That is so selfish Michael." I found myself getting deeply annoyed again. "Yeah but it's better this way. This way, he'll find a nice doctor or neurosurgeon or whatever to get married to and he'll live happily ever after without the excess baggage. I'm doing him a favor Richie. I'm saving him hundreds of dollars of therapy sessions later on, trust me." And as we both sat there quietly, Michael playing with his thumbs like a schoolboy and me trying to think of a way to be assertive, I realized that no matter what I said or did, Michael wouldn't change unless he wanted to. "Answer me one question then." "Last one, I feel like I'm in fucking counseling now." I didn't smile nor did I laugh for this wasn't a laughing matter, "do you love him?" And just when I thought he was going to run towards the hills screaming for bloody murder, he stood his ground and leaned into me, "No." "No?" "No. I care for Adam a great deal and he was more than a fuck buddy for me but I didn't love him." "But you could." "I suppose, if I had given myself a chance to but it won't happen Richie. This is one life I'm not going to fuck up." And with that he walked away from the table and our conversation leaving me to wonder what really happened last night. "So, let's talk." I knew that this was coming, sooner or later we would have to tuck away the pleasantries and bring out the big guns. Dinner was the best that I had had in a long time and the fact that I was in the presence of royalty (or at least that was the impression I was getting from the staff) well, enough said. Bobby had gone all out to ensure that we got catered to. The place was practically cordoned off so that we had the space we needed and the privacy we desired. And I was beginning to enjoy it all until he said those three dreaded words: So, let's talk. I knew we had planned this interface somewhat but I had hoped that we could have put it off for a later date when I wasn't as nervous or as shy as I was right now. "Where do you want to start?" I managed to squeak out. "I don't know, I've never done this before." We stayed quiet for a moment and then two. "I really made a mess of our friendship didn't I?" He blurted out. "We both said things and did things I suppose. It's not all your fault Bobby." "It feels like it is. I should have known better. I knew how you felt and I still went and crossed that line with you in Jamaica. I'm sorry I treated you that way. It was never my intention Richie." I could feel by heart beat increase, "it takes two to tango. You couldn't have gotten very far without my help. I should have stopped you, maybe I was the one that took advantage of the situation. Maybe I was hoping...I don't know." I stopped short of making an ass of myself. "No, continue, I want to hear what you have to say." "It's nothing." I said determined not to commit friendship suicide. This was just leading to another bout of insecurities and uncertainties and I didn't think our friendship could survive that. He surprised me and obviously himself by the look on his face by reaching over the table and taking one of my hands in his. "We both came all this way to get away and talk. I promise not to hold anything back if you won't." And if that was a proposition, I was all for it. "Ok." I paused and took a drink of water before slowly removing my hand from his. "I think, no...I know how I feel about you and I can't change that. I know that what happened was just one of those things for you. That it probably meant nothing ..." he cut me off, "Is that what you think?" he asked, eyes blaring. "Yeah." I said softly. He shook his head and for a moment I thought that he would fly off the handle. "I can't believe you would think that much less say it. How long we known each other man?" I shrugged my shoulders unable to respond with words. "Longer than we probably known anyone else, that's how long. We been through hell and back and I know I ain't always been true to you but how the hell could you think that what we did was one of those things." "You ran out, remember. You're the reason we left, you were uncomfortable..." "And I was an ass but I never, not for a second thought as what we did as one of those things, whatever the fuck that means." And I had to ask, "then what was it then?" As expected, he looked away from me and diverted his attention elsewhere - I knew he would. "Bobby." I called softly practically pleading with my eyes for an answer. He turned to look at me once more and leaned in, "it was more than a fuck. I don't know what it was but I know it was more than that." It wasn't what I had wanted to hear but it was the truth and the truth as strange as it may have seemed, was better than nothing. The rest of our meal was spent in quiet and at the end of it all, he paid the bill and we left. As I headed to his car, I noticed him lounging behind. "What's the matter?" I asked. "You mind if we go for a walk. Just for a little while." "Yeah. I mean sure we can walk." It was a beautiful night, a cloudless sky scattered with what seemed to be millions of stars. We started walking east, away from the riverbanks and most importantly, away from other people. For a few minutes neither of us said anything then, "Why me?" He asked. "Huh." "Why me? Of all those other cats you got around you, why me?" I knew what he was asking but I didn't know what the answer to that was. "I don't know." "Ok." He seemed to ponder for a second and then said, "when did you know that, you know." I smiled, "I guess I always felt something for you." He stopped and turned to me, "always?" "It wasn't always like this, this strong, this deep but it was there. You were my best friend, you still are and you've been there for me through a lot of shit." "I love you Richie, I really do..." "But you don't love me, I get it, I do." And to my surprise he quickly shook his head. "It isn't like that. I've been thinking about that night in Jamaica like crazy and no matter how hard I try to forget about what went down, I can't. That must mean that it's important to me." I was hopeful but I wasn't going to over do it. A lot of guys had gay experiences and some even felt that 'thing' but that didn't mean that all of them instinctively switched teams and besides, Bobby was not a lot of guys. He was a major recording artist with a lot at stake - something that I couldn't, something that I wouldn't ask him to give up for a relationship that was unlikely to survive the first year. "I can't see us all wrapped up with each other." I was dejected, I really was but I wasn't surprised. "Richie." He said noticing the look on my face. "Yeah." I answered. I could feel my eyes get misty and it was like I just knew. "You ok?" I really wasn't but I told him I was. "You want to turn back now?" he asked, concern lacing his voice. I really did but I wanted this out of the way, I wanted the air to clear, I wanted the truth, no matter what it was. "No, let's finish talking." We walked along the edge of the bank for another fifteen minutes in total silence until, "what I was saying before about not seeing us wrapped up in each other was only part of it. I can't see that but I can feel it, I felt it. Being with you in Jamaica was one of the most incredible things that ever happened to me man. With Ernie, It was easily forgotten but with you, I can't even explain how I felt." "That's how sex is supposed to feel." I stated. He stopped again and this time he took both my hands in his, "it wasn't just the sex. I know good sex, I've had lots of good sex but this, this is more than sex, I can feel it. It actually feels like a crush." And to say I was left speechless was an understatement - Big Time! "You don't have to appease me Bobby. I'm old enough to handle a let down." "Well I'm glad you are but this won't be one." "What?" "I think maybe we could try this out for a while - that way we can see if we fit together or not." I was elated, more than elated, more than... "I'm not saying it's gonna work out or anything but I don't want to not do it and have the what ifs on my mind." And noticing my lack of speech he said, "you still want this don't you." I barley managed to get out a "yes." "Ok, it's settled. Now to seal this deal." And as he approached his music and his life, he approached me - with full-blown PASSION. His lips felt scorched against mine and I craved that taste. His tongue slowly left his mouth and entered mine, an all access moment that I hoped and prayed would go on forever. And when we finally pulled apart and he looked at me and me at him, I couldn't help but think that this was all worth it. All the shit that I went through was all worth this one moment for me to be happy and happy was what I was. SORRY GUYS BUT I'VE BEEN BUSY. HOPE YOU ENJOY THIS NEW INSTALLEMENT; IT'S DEDICATED TO YOU GUYS. I WOULD LOVE TO HEAR COMMENTS PLEASE!!!!!! ENJOY!!!!