Date: Sat, 9 Jul 2005 19:29:52 -0700 From: Kevin Harness Subject: The Love Of My Life 2 The Love of My Life Chapter 2 - Dreams to Reality This story contains descriptions of gay people in real life situations, both of legal age and below 18. These people engage in consensual sex in this story, however your government, local laws, statutes, etc may not allow you to read this story. You are not supposed to be reading this story if you are not 18 years of age. I write this story, as I have all my stories, for true boylovers and the boys that love to be loved by them, everywhere, anywhere. Additionally, this story really happened to me and the character James was a real, live person. Other characters in the story may have their name changed. This will be a hard story to tell, but I'll do my best. Those of you that have read a few of my other stories (Hands On My Heart, Save The Boy, A Boy To Remember, The Education of Joshua) know that these aren't your regular "fuck stories". That being said, read on.... ================================================================== I opened my eyes on Friday morning and before I had a chance to focus on the fact that it and I'd not had any coffee yet, my mental processes jetted off into planning mode. All those questions you ask yourself: what should I wear? how should I dress, casual or kind of nice? what time should I call him? what movie will he like? what happens if he doesn't answer his phone? do I leave a message or call back? Probably about half-way through the day I realized that if I just slowed down and relaxed a little, I'd know when to call. And he would be there. And he would answer. Finally, a bit after noontime it felt like the right time to call. "Hi James, how are you?" "Aw, a bit groggy, I just got up," he yawned lazily. "How are you?" "Just working," I returned. He laughed, "I figured you probably were at work, and working," he said. "I asked you how you were." (Typical of James....) "Oh, just wishing the day'd go by quicker so that I was already hanging out." He came back, "What? You're not going to go home after work and shower before you come over here? Kev....," followed by an over-acted sigh. I laughed, "Yes, James, I was going to shower first." He laughed back, apparently happy that his irony and playful sarcasm had made me laugh. "Um, what time would you like me to come over?" I asked. "Hey, the earlier the better's fine with me," he popped right back. (Kevin's heart begins to race. Um, inaccurate. Was already racing. Heart goes into high gear....) "Ok, cool. Any movie in mind?" I asked hopefully. "Nah, you pick one. Funny's good. Jackie Chan is good. Whatever you want." (OMG! He likes Jackie Chan movies too!) "Cool," I said back, "Jackie Chan it is. See ya around 6 o'clock I guess. That work?" "Sounds fine, Kev, thanks. I'll be here." "Okay, bye for now," I said, smiling from ear to ear. "Okay, buh-bye," and he hung up. After I put the phone down (um, it was either 5 seconds later, or an hour) a thought flashed through my head: I got off work at 5pm, and had said I'd be there about 6p. Hell, there could be up to 40 minutes of driving total if traffic was bad, and it was Friday! Plus shower, shave, put on nice clothes, and go rent a movie! Yikes! I managed to squeeze out of work almost 10 minutes early, and traffic wasn't all that bad. When I knocked on James' door at what appeared to be dead-on 6p, he answered the door in some baggy Docker-type pants, a t-shirt, and socks. His hair was still floppy-moppy and wet from a shower, but it looked g-r-e-a-t. He did his patented hair flip, smiled wide, and gestured inward as he told me to come in. It was a small, but very nice, townhouse apartment in the Mission Valley area of San Diego - very neat and clean, and a huge, cushy couch set up right across from his TV / entertainment center area. It was that kind of couch the 3 people could comfortably sleep on and not bother each other all night long. Lots of pillows, too. He followed up right behind me and told me to make myself at home and sit down. I did, and he sat down beside me, smiling. I handed him the Jackie Chan movie I'd chosen, which was one of those that'd been filmed in China. "Cool," he said as he bobbed his head up and down, looking over the plot of the movie on the back cover. He finished and put it onto the table, then looked at me for a good couple seconds before he spoke. "Would ya like something to drink?" "Um, sure. What are you having?" He paused ever-so-slightly as he looked at me, then smiled. (Yeah, one of those moments where you both know what you said could be taken two ways but no one says anything....lol) "Uh, I'll probably have a rum and coke. That ok?" I nodded, "Yup, works for me. Want a hand?" He simply said, "Nah," and told me to sit down as he zipped out of the room. He appeared to be a little giddy, if not forwardly happy that I'd come over. He was totally into being the host. It was great. We talked for a while and sipped our drinks, talking about our hometowns, brothers and sisters, what I did for a living, etc. He was a very animated guy, probably on the brink of being charismatic for me. Yet when I was explaining things, he listened with great intent, smiled a lot, and when something was funny he was a riot to watch. The little boy in him just went bing! right to the surface. At some point in the conversation I asked how he'd come to live in California. "Ah, that's a pretty long story," he said as he looked down slightly and became a bit more somber, but still smiling. "Watch the movie?" "Sure," I said, "way cool." I stood up. I couldn't believe I liked this guy this much already. It seriously felt like I'd known him for a very long time. "Do you want me to put in the movie, or get us another drink?" "Drinks," he smiled. "You'll figure it out, kitchen's that way. I'll get the movie cued up for our digital enjoyment." My GOD this guy was 18 tons of cute! James stood about 5'9" or 5'10" and was about 155 lbs. He wasn't slender, but he wasn't "built" and bulky, either. I was always amazed at how his hair looked good all the time. Between his physical appearance, his constant smile and light and fun demeanor, this boy was just completely killer. I made the drinks and headed out to the couch. He had two pillows right next to each other propped up toward the back of it, and the remote in hand. As he caught sight of me he beamed me an ear-to-ear smile and patted the spot next to him, telling me to plant my buns right there. Oh, happily! I propped myself up next to him and gave him his drink. He grinned and said, "Thanks, Kev," and gave me a little cute peck on the cheek. Needless to say I didn't read the next 15-20 minutes of subtitles, but rather had to concentrate on the action itself, and laugh at appropriate moments. With Jackie Chan movies it's easy. Fortunately. At many times along the way, James would crack up and clap his hands right along with me, and sometimes he'd high-five me on the really funny scenes. He was really, really, enjoying himself. I found myself being more me and more open with him than I'd been with any other person in my life, and he seemed to be extremely at ease, too. If you can track with this, it seemed like each moment or minute or increment of time was a logrithmic increase of emotions, compatability, as well as comfortability. Wild. James finished his drink and set it on the table in front of the couch, and crawled back over and snuggled in next to me, laying on his side toward me, holding my arm and putting his head on my shoulder. I leaned in and put my cheek on his head, the smell of him, his freshly washed hair, and his warmth wafting into my nose. I kissed the top of his head lightly and pulled my arm in and tightened it for a second, sort of a substitute for a hug. He snuggled in more, nuzzled my arm with his face, and sighed cutely. You know, it wasn't that I didn't feel very sexually attracted to this boy. Damn, I certainly was! Much to my credit I'd worn slightly baggy pants and somewhat tight undies so that I wouldn't be advertising wood every time he smiled. More accurately though, despite how hot James was, he was even more of a joy to just be next to, talk to, and laugh with. As the movie progressed and we talked a bit here and there, laughing at the antics of one of the world's foremost martial arts actors, James squeezed in closer and my right arm was now draped over his right shoulder, his head on my chest, his right leg pulled up and laying across my thigh. Extremely erotic, but at the same time acutely surreal. It felt as though no matter how close I pulled him to me it wouldn't be close enough. I could tell James had an erection. He occasionally gyrated his hips and thrust very slightly in a plunging motion, but he wasn't pushing it into me. He was just holding me close, nuzzling and cooing. The movie ended, and it was only about 9 o'clock. I looked down at James and his eyes were shut but he wasn't sleeping. He had a slight smile on his lips. "Tired?" I asked. He shook his head no, smiled a bit more, and nuzzled in again. "Wanna kick back, or have another cocktail, or....?" "Ummm," he paused, "prolly a drink in a second, but I'm real comfortable for the moment." I could only shake my head in disbelief. Geeze. "Yeah, me too James. Thanks. This is awesome," I said, probably still shaking my head. He looked up at me with brilliant green eyes and smiled, "You're welcome Kev. Thank you too, I'm .... doing great." "Cool," I responded. "Yeah. That," and he smiled big and nuzzled back in and cooed, still smiling when he shut his eyes again. He put his right arm across my chest, and I did one of those almost-sharp-inhales, letting my air out slowly, cooing a bit also. He chuckled, "Yeah. By the way, your heart's beating a little faster now." "Hmmm, wonder what could've caused that?" I joked. He shrugged and once again pulled himself into me, smiling of course. I couldn't help but pull him closer and tighter to me. This situation, this boy, this experience is totally everything I'd ever wanted or dreamed of. Fireworks were going off in my head, my heart, and my groin with a resultant increase in heat everywhere. I held his arm with mine, and rubbed the top of his head with my chin, messing his hair up slightly and drinking up James' aromas. I needed a drink, both to chill and and for a distraction to orient and gather my thoughts. "I'm gonna make myself a drink, you want one too?" He nodded but didn't move. I kissed the top of his head, and he smiled. "I like that," he said quietly, as if commenting to himself and me at the same time. "Yeah, me too," I smiled back at him. I came back with the drinks again and he was sitting fairly upright and awake, waiting for my return. I sat down next to him and crossed my legs to as to face him. He literally giggled and did the same thing, now facing me, smiling, sipping his drink, and seeing what I'd say. My reaction was to laugh very slight, and shake my head and look down. I couldn't think of a thing to say, while having thoughts zoom through my head. "What?" he asked, and I instantly found out that it would be impossible for me to ever hedge or lie to James. While his outter beauty was nearly intoxicating, his inner being and strength penetrated me like a strong light through a window. I looked back up at him, and saw that he was not asking so as to sit in judgement, to make fun, or for any other reason than he wanted to know for his own understanding, and so that I would feel relief in explaining myself. "Well," I began, "it's kinda like this. I much prefer to be around, hang out with, talk to, and, um, like guys younger than myself." "Noticed," he said smiling, and made a gesture for me to continue. "You were pretty noticable in the sandwich shop, and to be honest you were so ... nice looking I was kind of shocked when you invited me over." I paused. "But anyway. It's been really good talking to you, hanging with you, and ... being around you. It's been one of the most relaxing and enjoyable times I've had in quite a while," and I smiled at him. He had already blushed at my 'nice looking' compliment, which to me was very cool. He was not so all about himself that he took a compliment for granted. In fact, he seemed to be humbled by it. Wow. "Thanks, Kev, really. I guess I felt the same way from word one. Well, from the other side, that is. I liked how easy it was to talk to you, and to ... well, be around you. It was just....different...." "No way," I said a bit incredulously. "Why?" he asked, genuinely interested. I wasn't sure how to express this without making him seem 'all that', so I wanted to choose my words carefully. "Well, I don't know how to explain it exactly, except that you're exceptionally good looking, smile a lot, and are way nice, so I would think that guys are always very, um, interested in talking to you. I guess I thought it'd be 'old hat' for you." He looked down for a second and then back up, "You know as well as I do that what's on the outside and what's on the inside of people doesn't always coincide. 99.99% of the people I've met or tried to be with were only interested in how hot someone looked and how that affected getting their nut off better than any time before." As I nodded in understanding, he continued. "Sex is easy, probably too easy. Yeah, for me, and for the reasons you've said, but too easy for anyone, maybe." Then he explained something that I believed but hadn't heard worded so well, and it hit right where I was at. "If all someone is going to do is go from guy to guy to have sex, I mean, it seems that all you'd be doing is seeing if you could just cum better and better, with little or no regard for the other person, particularly. In my view, that's just glorified jacking off. Which, probably people should do instead of using each other. I don't know. It's just not how I am, so I'm not sure if my view of it is particularly accurate." I'm sure I had to shut my mouth which'd most likely been hanging open. "Yeah, James, it's is. I suppose we've all been there for our share of one-night stands but for me, that's not a-l-l it's about. When does that stop? When does one finally change their view, which is what they'd have to do, to perceive someone past the fact of being stunningly good looking or have a great penis and would they go home with them for the night?" He nodded and smiled slightly. I shrugged my shoulders and said, "I don't know, either. All I know is I'm not wired that way, at all. I much prefer the person as a whole. Sure, stunningly beautiful is a plus, but..... you know what I mean." "Yup," he said, "I do," and he paused for a second, then said, "I knew I was right," and he looked down a bit as if thinking over something, and smiled pretty big. "What?" I asked. He looked at me and literally 'turned on' the boyish cuteness and charm, and shrugged his shoulders as if to say, 'um, i dunno'. Right back at him, I smiled and said, "Sorry James, that won't work. Yes, you can flick the 'most beautiful boy next door' charm on someone else and snow them, but that ain't cutting it here." I mockingly wagged my finger at him. "So.....?" He had started smiling more and more as I'd spoken, and by the time I said 'So.....?' he was outright giggling and almost falling over out of his cross-legged posture. Damn! It didn't matter whether he was listening to me with a straight face, falling over giggling, or walking across the room.....it didn't matter what he did. I couldn't explain it, but I didn't want to ever let go of this boy. Ever. I knew that as sure as I knew I wore shoes. Well.... I'd had enough rum and coke to perhaps lower my inhibitions, and I drank the last of my drink and set the glass down. James was laughing a bit less, but hadn't sat back up yet. "Hmmmm?" I said menacingly as if to extract an answer from him, and cocked an eye at him as he looked over at me. That sent him into giggles all over again. But then again, that was the purpose. SOOOOOOOOO hot! "Mr, you've got 5 seconds to answer that 'What?' question." "Or what?" he managed. "I'll tickle you until you talk." He tried to be level-headed and somber, "I'm not ticklish." "Uh-huh. Well, I'm calling your bluff. 5....4....3....2....1...." James leapt from the couch and fled toward the kitchen, laughing hard all the way. I was through the door right after him and arrived to a kitchen that seemed to be James-less. I'd walked about 4 careful footsteps into the kitchen and he bolted from behind the 'frig and made it to the door before I could turn. He shrieked and long-jumped a good 12-15' and hit the couch rolling, covering himself with cushions as fast as he could. It only took about 5 seconds of tickling him to arrive both at a point where the other tenants might report us, and to where James gave in. After he surfaced from under pillows, we were again seated cross-legged across from each other, and he looked at me intently and then smiled the so-cute smile that I came to love so much, the one where he felt so at home that he could open his heart in utter safety to someone he implicitly trusted. "Ok....." he began, "I'll try. It's kind of hard to verbalize." I nodded. "I was right about you, Kev. It was a pretty strange epiphany for me as we were talking at the sandwich shop. It wasn't so much what you said, but it was like the whole space that we were in was filled with our .... feelings with no lies or games. The only reason I left that day instead of talking with you more was that you had to go, and I had to go shake my head and rebalance a bit." I was absolutely dumbfounded. All I could do was nod again. "You know James, you put things so well. I can have a thought, and yeah it's like we're in a sphere or something and that thought goes into that common space. Then you see this idea floating around and verbalize it. It's kinda strange, but," and I laughed a little, "pretty cool at the same time." He smiled. "Wow. And you say I verbalize things well? Geeze." We talked for a little longer, and I felt like I had to say something. "James? Um...." "You're welcome to stay if you want. No problem at all. Really." I was still a bit antsy as I had another point I needed to say. "Well, it's not like I want to stay just to, well, go to bed with you. I mean, ok, that would probably be great if that's really what you wanted to do, but all I really meant was that I wanted to stay to be around you. That's why." He leaned over and put his arm around my neck and kissed me on the lips. Not a hot kiss, if you know what I mean, but rather one of tenderness. He looked at me still leaning in from about a foot away, green eyes gleaming. "I know that Kev, ya silly goof, I was gonna say something but you beat me to it. That whole 'thought sphere' thing I guess," and he smiled at me and kissed me again. I don't know why, but I started crying. "I do sumpin' wrong?" he asked softly. I shook my head no. "You ok?" I nodded my head, and he moved over to me and pulled me into him, arms around me, and put his forehead on my shoulder. "You got anywhere to be in the morning?" he asked. I shook my head no. "Alright. Whaddya say we chill for a few, and if you want to we'll talk a little, 'cuz I owe you an answer on a question you asked me earlier, too." I nodded again. "S'ok?" "Yeah," I croaked, barely. He reached over and put the pillows flat, and pulled a blanket from somewhere and pulled it over us, gave me a kiss, and gently laid me down, curled up, facing each other. He took his hand and put in on the side of my head, something no one else had ever done. I opened my eyes and looked at him, green sparkling eyes intent on me. He smiled a little, and made a kissing motion with his lips. I moved forward a little and put my head beneath his chin, and he put his arm over me and stroked my back, neck, and arm for a while. "S'ok Kev?" "Yeah," I said, "s'ok. Thanks," and I moved back a bit to focus on him as I opened my eyes. I sighed, and smiled a bit back at him. "Cool," he said, and he just laid there looking at me. He wasn't put out that I'd had a minor circuitry meltdown, wasn't trying to be inquisitive, but was quite simply just being there for me, and was comfortable in doing so. Again, I was trying to think of how to explain everything that was going on in my head and yet make it not too complex and unintelligible and cumbersome. All I knew is that I didn't want to say anything to make this boy want to go away. I'd waited my whole life for this boy, and if he went away I felt like I'd just want to go park my car by the beach and walk off the end of the pier. What came out, of course, was what exactly was on my mind without any alterations or fluff to make it land easier on the other side. "I've waited my whole life for someone as beautiful, as nice, as intelligent, as easy to be around as you, James. At the risk of sounding melodramatic, being with you is like having been lost with nowhere to go for an awfully long time, and then finally finding my way home. I dunno. I guess all that wandering and lostness sort of hit me." He gave me the warmest smile, kissed me again, and said in a soft voice and with tears in his eyes, "Well, you must've done all the right things, Kev, because you're here now, right?" Tears fell from my eyes, but I nodded and smiled, pulling him into me and putting his head against mine. I kissed him with several little pecks and said, "Thanks, babe," and he nodded back. He squinched his eyes tightly and silently cried too, his own pain surfacing. "S'ok babes, relax, I ain't going nowhere. Same perscription here, chill, and if ya want to talk in a bit, cool. If not, ok too," and I kissed him again. "Ok," he mouthed, "thanks Kev." "No thanks necessary, James, but you're welcome anyway." He opened his watery eyes, glistening yet bright green, and smiled at me. "Fuck," he whispered as he shook his head in disbelief. "I know, babes, I know. Me too." He hugged me tightly and kissed me a few times, then motioned his head to indicated that he wanted us to sit up. As he sat up I made sure the blanket was covering him over his shoulders, and pulled it together in front of him and tucked it in so he'd be nice and toasty warm. He smiled his appreciation, and I sort of shrugged it off and smiled back. "Ok," he began, "I need to tell you this because I like you a lot. More than a lot already, and, well, this is important." He started to break down a little, and I put my hand on his shoulder. "James, I can't think of anything you could tell me that could alter how I feel at this point. I mean unless you an alien in the best-looking human suit I've ever seen and need to eat my kidneys for food." He laughed. "So," I continued, "don't worry. We've been doing very well here, and if it's ok for me to blurt what I said, hell, I'm willing to hear whatever you have to say. Really. S'ok," and I nodded for him to continue. "Ok," he smiled. "When I was 16 I had a boyfriend I liked a lot, and we were exclusively seeing only each other, no 'open relationship' thing. We'd both been tested for AIDS and all the other stuff, and everything was fine. So we never used protection, it was just him and me. Well, he was at a party and got, apparently, way too drunk and stoned or whatever and had sex with a guy. He never mentioned it to me, so we continued as always, no protection. Well, on our next routine STD's test, he got his results on Friday and he came up HIV-positive." James was looking out into the space in front of him, seeing the whole scenario again, all the time tears streaming down his face. "So of course the whole thing comes out about the party and the sex and that he'd screwed this guy with no protection. I was not only crushed, but scared as shit. I hadn't gotten my results yet, but would probably get them on Monday." He squinched his eyes and squeezed tears out, trying to regain enough composure to go on with his story. I wanted SO much to hold him, but he wasn't done. I knew I had to wait. He inhaled deeply, and opened his eyes and half-laughed a little, looking at me and shaking his head. I smiled lightly back, and just awaited whatever he had to say. "It was a long weekend. Gary and I broke up, I was upset as hell, slept like 3 whole hours and was not mentally ready for anything, much less ..... any bad news on the lab tests." I moved around and sat directly in back of James who was sitting cross-legged, and put my arms around him, kissing him on the back of the head. "Go ahead babe, s'ok. I'm here," I said softly. "Thanks, Kev." "Yup," I whispered back, rocking us left to right a little, hugging him into me and nuzzling his hair with my nose. "So, it was bad news Kev. I was HIV-positive too. I went with my mom, who's been the greatest mom ever. She and I talked all the time about stuff, being gay, being happy, life, people, lots of stuff. I don't know what I would've done if she hadn't been there. I cried so hard I don't even remember going home. She put me to bed and rubbed my back until I went to sleep. All I could think of it that it wasn't fair. I hadn't done anything wrong. I wasn't bad to people. I didn't think I was better than anyone or anything like that. All I did was be gay, have a gay boyfriend, and have sex, fairly responsibly from what I can tell. Anyway, I just wanted to leave. Leave town, leave the country, just leave. I didn't want to be anywhere, I just knew that I wanted to not be there anymore. So mom called my Uncle Robert, who'd done some capital investments in condo's out in San Diego. Turns out he is richer than God. Anyway, he pulled some strings and got me this place here. I remember my Uncle Robert from when I was younger. He seemed to be real nice, ruffled my hair all the time - which I liked, and my mom was always happy to see him. So he gave mom a large chunk of change to help me out, for my meds, this condo, some expenses, doctors appointments, nearly everything comes out of what he gave us." He sighed deeply, and I could feel him sag markedly. "Well, my mom always sends me a few dollars on her paydays so I have a little extra money here and there, but, well, that's how I came to California, Kev. Quite some story, huh?" I hugged him tightly and thanked him for telling me something so personal. "You know, when I went off to school my mom did the same thing," and I laughed. "She sent me $20 every time she could afford it, and called it my 'go have fun' money." "Really?" James asked. "Yeah. She was wonderful like that," I said, smiling at the memory. "That's cool," he said, and then he sighed heavily. "Ok, babes. What?" I asked softly. He sat forward and turned around to face me, looking serious, or worried, or something. "I had to tell you, Kev. I don't tell anyone that story. But I had to tell you. I like you a lot, and you had to know .... what was up, in case .... we did anything. I wanted you to know up front, so .... you .... could decide, I guess." "Decide what? Whether I would then still want to have sex with you, or whether I would still be interested in you?" "Both," he said flatly. I took a deep breath, breathed out, and smiled at James, again shaking my head side to side. "Babes, I cannot tell you how sorry I am to hear what happened to you. It's awful. I don't even know what to say on that, except that if you e-v-e-r need anything, anytime, anywhere, I'd like you to let me know so I could help. Ok?" He nodded. "But does what you told me make a difference in what I've already said about how I like you, want to hang with you, how I think of you, or anything like that? Nope, James. Absolutely not. Doesn't affect me in the slightest. I can only admire your courage, your everything including your enthusiastic spirit in spite of it all. You're friggin' amazing, babes. Really." I leaned forward and kissed him on the lips, embracing him, feeling his warmth and closeness. He kissed back, not with wild abandon but with passion and care. "And," I added, "I still ain't going nowhere. Well, uh, if that's ok with you that is." "Yeah, Kev," and he laughed, "totally ok, ya silly goof." It became one of his most endearing phrases. It was always good to hear it. Although the world out there may want to hear that we had erotic, hot sex and screamed our passion loudly .... it wasn't what happened. It wasn't the right time, and neither of us had to go through the motions of asking if it was ok that we just laid down and slept close to each other, apologizing for the absence of sex on this outting. Within about 3 seconds we both found out our favorite way to sleep in the whole world was "spoons". Oh yeah! We switched our "spoon" positions back and forth across the night a few times, giving the bottom arm a chance to receive blood. Of course sleeping spoons is erotic as hell, and on several occasions I or James longingly rubbed up and down on the other, half sleeping and, half awake and aware we were together. Hard to explain again, but the progression of things seemed to be perfect. The perfect boy, incredible mutual admiration.....everything.