Date: Sat, 9 Jul 2005 19:29:52 -0700 From: Kevin Harness Subject: The Love Of My Life 4 The Love of My Life Chapter 4 This story contains descriptions of gay people in real life situations, both of legal age and below 18. These people engage in consensual sex in this story, however your government, local laws, statutes, etc may not allow you to read this story. You are not supposed to be reading this story if you are not 18 years of age. I write this story, as I have all my stories, for true boylovers and the boys that love to be loved by them, everywhere, anywhere. Additionally, this story really happened to me and the character James was a real, live person. Other characters in the story may have their name changed. This will be a hard story to tell, but I'll do my best. Those of you that have read a few of my other stories (Hands On My Heart, Save The Boy, A Boy To Remember, The Education of Joshua) know that these aren't your regular "fuck stories". That being said, read on.... ================================================================== Sunday after noontime when I called James, I woke him up. And he didn't sound all that good. "Hi Kev. I'm....well, I haven't gotten up yet," and he laughed at the statement. It was good to hear his voice and hear him laugh. "Are you ok babes?" I asked. "Yeah, fine, just a little tired," but he didn't sound all that convincing. "Oh, ok. Well, ya want me to come over and scrub your back in the shower? I'm pretty good at that you know," I teased. He chuckled again, "Yeah, I know you are," and he paused for a moment. "Yeah, sure, I'd like that a lot." I knew in that moment that we'd established a high level of trust. James was feeling the effects of his sickness, his meds, or both, and it was a very private thing - one which he didn't share with others. That he was letting me come over to basically take care of him and hold him when he probably didn't look or feel very good was a major big deal. "Cool babes, I'll be over in a bit," I replied with both a smile on my face and a tear in my eye. "You're the best." To go from having no one to hold close, then suddenly having someone as sweet as James was not only a huge, dizzying shift for me, but also quite a humbling experience. "Thanks, Kev. See ya in a bit," and he hung up. After a hot, soapy shower James got dressed and I offered to cook something for lunch. He wouldn't hear of it, mainly not wanting to put me out at all. I tried to insist, but didn't want to force the issue. "Well, love, if you don't feel like eating, no probs at all. If you're hungry, then at least let me take you out for a bite if you won't let me cook for ya." He looked at me with the faintest hint of anguish, "I don't want to go out, Kev. I'm.... hungry but I don't know if I can eat. My stomach is doing little flip-flops and stuff. Let's just hang for and listen to music or whatever and maybe I'll feel like having a bite laters." I nodded, "S'ok babes, that sounds good. I'll take James-hugs anytime I can," and smiled a big grin at him. "Ok," he smiled, and walked over and put on a local FM radio station. We laid back on the couch, James on his side hugging me, with me on my back with his head on my chest. We woke up a couple hours later, James bleary-eyed and looking up at me with sort of a "huh?" look on his face. I kissed the top of his head. "Hi sweets," I smiled. "Hi Kev," and then he realized he'd invited me over and slept away most of the afternoon, looked down and then back up at me, saying he was sorry. I shook my head, "One of the best afternoon naps I've ever had babes. Nothing to be sorry about," and I kissed his forehead lightly. He hugged me back and kissed my chest, laying his head back down. "Uh, I think I'm hungry now," he said, grinning. "Can I take you up on your offer to fix something?" "Yup, sure can. What would you like?" "Um, a milkshake," he said smiling like a ten year old boy going to Dairy Queen. "Hey, that sounds great. I'll be right back. What flavor would you like?" He squinched up his face a little and said, "I can't decide between chocolate and vanilla." "OK, I'll make one of each and we can share back and forth." "Cool!" and with that he laid his head back down, hugging the pillow and smiling. Sooooooo cute! After we sipped down both milkshakes, we talked about AIDS, his body and health, and he filled me in on his whole treatment history. For whatever reason, his body would do ok with a series of medicines and then without warning the meds wouldn't work as well and they had to shift around dosages and medicines and figure out what cocktail would now work. The result was that he'd feel good for a while, followed by a longer period of not feeling so good while his body adjusted to the new meds and to what degree they were effective. The cycle he was in now was that he'd been on his meds for a while, and predictably his body was on a downward trend. We were sitting cross-legged on the couch with James doing most of the talking, and fielding a few questions I had about how he was, what his doctor had said, etc. "Kev, this is ridiculous. You don't need all this shit. You saw an attractive guy at a sandwich shop and we talked and you expected some sort of normal situation where we could date and be intimate spontaneously, and it isn't anything close to that. I'd love to be held by you and have you sleep over and do everything we did before, but I just feel like crap. It's not fair to you, this isn't your responsibility. I just need to...." and he began to get up off the couch. As gently as I could, I put my hand on his shoulder and prevented his getting up. "No," was all I could think of to say as he gave me a pained look through watery eyes. "It may not specifically be my responsibility, but you're a very good friend, James, and I want to help and I want to know what's up. And what the hell is normal, anyway? Here we are, two gay guys in a pretty much straight-oriented society. On top of that you're under 18 and I'm not. You pretty much picked me up, and 24 hours into knowing each other we felt like we'd been together for a whole lifetime. So where's the 'normal' in all of that?" His lower lip was now quivering, eyes oozing tears as he listened to me. "Yes, I first noticed you because of how beautiful you are, but we've both agreed that what's on the inside is what counts, James, and you're in a whole new category for me on that one. When I first came over here and we laid on the couch and hugged, I knew then that not even sex would get me as close to you as I wanted to be. Sure, of course sex is great and believe me, you totally send me, James, bigtime, but my being here and being with you is for far more than that. I like being with you, period, more than these words can tell you. I couldn't even walk away now because of the AIDS thing. As far as being with you it makes no difference at all." He gave me a small smile. "I'm just as happy talking with you or hugging you or laughing at a movie with you as I am having sex with you. It's you, James. Yes you're gorgeous. Your antics crack me up. But I love being with you." What happened next was totally unexpected. James lurched forward and into me, put his head on my shoulder and cried almost too hard to believe. I put my arms around him and rubbed his back, his neck, his head, and kissed his neck and cheek trying to soothe him. It was the wailing of a mother who's lost her only son, or of a father who hears that his wife was killed in a head-on collision, leaving behind three children with no mother. Or perhaps that of a teenager who's faced with the impending possiblity that his life could be over decades early, ripping away a lifetime of joys, love, and accomplishments. I knew he'd tell me what was up when he was ready, but it was nearly instinct to ask him "What, babes? What?" His initial response was to do what I didn't think was possible. He cried even harder. After a few minutes, he managed to interject four barely recognizable words between the wails. ".....I'm......soooo......scared......Kev......" and he hugged me tighter and pulled himself closer to me. "I know, babes, I know," I whispered through my own tears. "Me too. But I'm not giving you up and I'm not letting you go." "......O......K......" I held him and we rocked slowly back and forth until he settled down, and he raised his head and looked at me through red-rimmed green eyes and smiled. I tried to joke a bit to lighten things up, "Oh lookie, red and green. It must be Christmas! Oh, gee! Santa's brought me a boy that likes the same sandwich shop that I do! OH! and he's soooooo cute!" James sputtered a bit, laughed through his tears, wiped his eyes, and gave me a nice hug. "Kev, ya silly goof," he said quite happily, and I smiled because I'd made him smile. He truly had a wonderful smile and it was good to see him come back up out of the emotional abyss he'd crashed into. "That's me. Mr. Ya, middle name Silly, last name Goof, at your service." He laughed out loud. Mission accomplished! I laid back against the couch back fairly upright and James hopped on me, straddling my legs with his and sat there for a moment. Then he leaned in and kissed my forehead. "Thanks Kev." I felt like saying, Hey no problem, or, Anytime James, or even For what?, but none of those would do or cover what I felt. So I said, "You're welcome James," and I really meant it. We covered up and slept on the couch. I got up and showered for work early the next morning, givng James an ever-so-light kiss on the side of his head as I was leaving. "Bye bye Kev, luv you," he said as he snuggled up in the blanket to stay warm. "Luv you too, babes. Call me later." "Later." "Smart-ass." He nodded, "Trained it myself." I laughed. "Bye sexy." "Bye love," he said sleepily, and I left for work. I still marvel today at how many things were right between us. If you'd given me some super-duper test that resulted in finding someone for me that was not only a perfect supplement and complement to my personality, life, and character, and matched my ideal of the perfect boylover's boy, it would have been James.