I was 21 and had just moved into town - new city, first job, alone... miserable!
I took an instant dislike for the place and hated the office, hated the people and above all, I hated the loneliness. Coming from a very loving and warm family, having been pampered and spoilt, this was a whole new experience. I missed home and my friends, the place I was born and so loved... and it made me irritable and short tempered. I hated the office guesthouse that I was staying in and I hated the food.
But I had to stick; to prove that I could do it, could face the world... be a man! I just couldn't give up now, not so soon, and return home... A lot was at stake, a lot - my self-confidence, my belief in myself and yes, my ego!
Well, the only person that I didn't seem to mind.... maybe, even liked a bit, was Puja. A very beautiful young lady in my office. She was a vivacious, friendly and helpful person, and to be honest, she was the only bright spot in my otherwise gloomy existence. She may have sensed my condition for she was always coming over, chatting away, offering help. We became friends pretty soon! She even dragged me along for her shopping, a few movies and a couple of dinners! I went along, really enjoying her company.
Karan too worked in the same office block, though not in my office and I saw him practically every day, in the lobby, on the elevator, at MacDonald's across the street. Over a period of time we came to be 'friends' - smiling whenever we passed each other, waving a greeting. But we had never spoken and I didn't even know his name or which office he worked in.
And then one day it all changed...
I was leaving after work and as the elevator stopped and the doors slid open I saw him in there, alone. I got in and we greeted each other with a smile and a nod. The doors closed and began the descent... That's when the power failed... we were stuck!
I sighed and heard him giggle and then he let out a loud howl, jarring me... it was dark inside and I couldn't see him but heard him laugh at my reaction... and he went on howling forcing me to first shrug and smile... and then finally join in!!!
Well, one never really grows up...
Once we had been rescued, after about 8 minutes, we walked out of the office block together, he inviting me to join him for a coffee...
As we sat down at the table, he introduced himself and we got to know each other's name, for the first time... The promise of a single coffee turned out to be three cups and as the sun dipped low in the western sky, he suggested that we now shift to the pub next door!
It was very late when, after a couple of beers and a lovely dinner, we said our goodbyes and went our separate ways. I returned to my room at the company provided accommodation and as I lay on bed, Karan was on my mind... He was so alive, so happy... and he talked, talked a lot, non-stop, but intelligent, no nonsensical talk, and his animated chatter grabbed your attention, making you hang on to every word that he uttered.
And he had an amazing laugh - full, throaty and totally infectious!
He too was 21 and on his first job... away from home for the first time, but enjoying it!
The next day there was more warmth in our greeting and without really realizing it we started having lunch together and our occasional hanging-out in the evenings soon became regular...
He had an amazing sense of humor too and was a real fun guy to be with. Give him any situation and he could get a laugh out of it. He could be outrageous yet he was a very sensitive and a responsible person. And, very good at his work!
Puja too joined us occasionally. But soon I noticed a change in her... she was more quiet, a lot more restrained, talking very little. Back at office she was still the same... still helpful, concerned, still chattering! I never really understood, and to be honest, never really gave it much thought. And as time went, she always seemed to have some excuse whenever I asked her to join us.
And then a slight problem came up... the 3 other guys that Karan was sharing accommodation with were moving out and it was too large a place for him to rent alone. He was looking for a smaller place or a different roommate who would take him in.
My contract with the company was that they would provide me with room for three to six months after I joined and then I would have to find my own accommodation. And though it had been just two months I decided that I'd prefer shifting out, and having Karan, as my roommate seemed a very nice idea. So we decided that instead of him looking around for someone who would take him in it would be better if we searched for a nice two-bedroom apartment instead.
The next few days were devoted to scouring the papers for homes and we soon narrowed down to 3 apartments being let out. Puja went along with us and we decided on a place, close to where she lived. It was on the 7th floor of a very new apartment block in a neat and quiet neighborhood. All three of us instantly took a liking for it and though the rent seemed a bit on the higher side we took it!
Over the next week we moved in, shifting our meager belongings and also buying a few basic furniture. And so, at the end of my third month away from home, I had set-up my own home!
It was six months after we had moved in together that our lives took another turn...
I was working on a project that was in its final phase, nearing completion and we were required to work a few extra hours... going in early and working late. So I usually left early, without him. And that day as I left for office I knocked on his door to check if he was up yet, "Karan, planning to miss office today, huh?"
"I'm up..." I heard him say, sounding a bit different.
"Ok, fine, the coffee's on the table, I'm leaving now, catch you later..." I shouted as I rushed out.
We usually had lunch together and only if either one of us was working on a project or otherwise busy and couldn't make it did we miss having it together. But we always made it a point to call and inform the other.
But that day as I walked into the cafeteria he wasn't there and as I sat down and waited, there was no sign of him... or any call.
Our office didn't allow any mobiles inside office premises and we were required to switch off the instrument once we entered our work place. So I called his office number and asked the operator to connect me to Karan. She put me on hold and as I waited I heard the click at the other end... And as I said hello, expecting his voice, I heard her instead.
"Mr. Karan hasn't come in today," she informed me.
"What? Why?" I asked totally confused but only static greeted my query.
What could be the matter? He wasn't someone to just vanish without a call...
I dialed his mobile number and heard it ring... on the 15th ring I cut and redialed... again it rang but no answer. My hunger forgotten I headed straight for my office. I knew my request would sound odd, especially at this final stage of the project but I had to find him... I was worried... I don't know what but my heart sank, my stomach turned with terror... I needed to find him.
"Are you sure?" Mr. Chopra was calm, "You know how important it is for the company and the deadline is just 5 days away."
I sat quiet, I knew, and I had no answer... but my mind was far away, worried.
"Ok, I can see it would be useless to keep you back," he finally said, "But can you make it later in the afternoon?"
I didn't answer; I didn't know it myself...
"Ok, Siddharth, I trust you... but in that case tomorrow you'll have to finish it and no excuses."
I jumped up and thanking him rushed out of his chamber, least bothered with etiquette.
I rushed home...
"Karan?" I called as I opened the door.
The house was silent and as I closed the front door and walked in I saw his bedroom door slightly ajar. I approached it slowly, again calling out his name... no reply.
I was wondering as to what could have happened... where could he have gone? Well, shrugging I again dialed his number, maybe for the 20th time and as I lifted the instrument to my ear I heard his phone ring... in his room!
I rushed in... but the room was empty, the cell lying on the night stand, the bed still rumpled, unmade... and Karan nowhere in sight.
Calling out his name I came out into the living room and went into the kitchen... no sign of him there either and that's when I heard the water dripping... I rushed into the bathroom and stood rooted to the spot.
He lay on the tiled floor, completely naked and unmoving! The floor was wet as the bath overflowed.
Rushing in I bent over him, shaking him, calling his name. But there was no response, he just lay still, eyes closed, totally limp, his body cold... the forehead burning. I was frantic... what could I do... should do... I got up and grabbed a towel and throwing it over him I slowly tried to lift him up. It was tough... we were both about the same height and weight and with him out cold his weight seemed even more. Lifting his head I wrapped his arm around my shoulder and holding his arm I passed my other hand around his waist, slowly raising him and then 'walking', dragging, him into the living room.
Sitting him down on the couch I wiped off the water from his head, face and body as best as I could and then lifting him up again into a standing position I 'carried' him into his bedroom, laying him down on the bed, gasping wildly with the effort... and then getting another clean towel I wiped him thoroughly...
In all that time he neither moved nor opened his eyes... I kept talking to him, asking him what had happened, calling out his name, but he just lay there like dead, scaring me further, unnerving me...
Opening his closet I took out a t shirt and a pair of his shorts and slowly dressed him... suddenly noticing his nudity, as if for the first time and realizing that this was indeed the first time that I was seeing him naked... I mean absolutely naked... Suddenly it felt weird, kind of funny... and also something else that I couldn't explain then... Covering him up I rubbed some cologne on his forehead and the palms of his hands.
Luckily there was a doctor in our apartment and I rushed down to see if he was home... He wasn't but his wife gave me his mobile number and asked me to call him.
I did and he asked me a lot of questions, telling me not to worry and to keep him warm and give him an aspirin, if I could manage it and he would come by within a half hour.
As I took the tablet and the water into his room I saw him shiver... I mean, really shake! I was terrified as I quickly placed the glass of water on the nightstand and placed my hand on his forehead. He was burning... even hotter than before but his hands and feet were freezing. I grabbed his shoulder and lifted him up, wrapping my arms around him, hugging him close...
I kept calling his name, telling him to get better... to talk to me... and as I rocked him in my arms I suddenly realized how much he meant to me. How much it pained me to see him this way... how very frustrating at not being able to help... to make the suffering go away... I could do absolutely anything for him... to make him feel better, get better... It wasn't like anything that I had ever felt for anyone... It hurt...
Frantic, I called the doctor again...
"I'm right there young man..." he said, "just give me a moment."
I disconnected and paced the room... my mind in utter turmoil... my heart beating fast... worried sick, feeling so desperate, so helpless...
Within less than a minute the doorbell rang and I ran to open it.
I saw an elderly gentleman standing... "Siddharth? I'm Ashok, Dr. Ashok Nag." he smiled.
"Ah, yes doctor, please come in..." I stepped aside.
"So how is he now?"
"The same doctor, still not responding, just moaning a lot and I just couldn't give him the aspirin."
"That's ok..." he replied as I led him into Karan's room.
"Your related?" he asked as he sat down.
"Uh, no doctor... we're friends..." I replied, suddenly acutely conscious of the fact that I really had no term to describe our relationship... Were we mere friends? He meant so much more to me... he was so much more to me! Could I call him a relative?
"Hmmm..." Dr. Nag said having taken his temperature and checked the heartbeat, pulse and eyes.
"Since when does he have the temperature?"
I told him again and he nodded, taking out a syringe and two ampoules of a clear looking liquid.
"Well, it's just the flu and it seems your friend had been neglecting the early signs. But nothing to worry, I will give him two injections now and by tomorrow morning he should be fine." he said as he prepared to give the shot.
"You could shift him to the hospital," he said, looking for a place to drop the used syringe. "He would need some attention tonight and should be very weak over the next 2 or 3 days."
"Is it that serious doctor... oh, my God," I said, looking down at Karan's still form.
"As I said before, it's not serious, so you can relax." he said, patting me on the shoulder, "It's just that he will need a lot of attention over the next few days."
"No doctor, I'll take care of him," I quickly said, horrified by the idea of getting him admitted to a hospital.
"Are you up to it?" the doctor asked, "You have work, right?"
"Yes, doctor, but I'll take a few days off, nothing too important...." I lied.
"OK, get these tablets..." he said writing out and handing me the prescription. "It's for five days but don't bother about tonight, you can start from tomorrow morning. And also give him lots of fluids and fruit juices... And if the temperature doesn't seem to be going down, give him a sponge bath. And keep him warm. Don't worry, it's nothing serious, he'll be fine by the morning." he added.
"Thank you Doctor... Your fees?" I asked reaching for my wallet.
"Thanks Siddharth... but I never charge my neighbors." he smiled.
"But doctor..." I started.
"And if you feel there is any problem, which there wont be, don't hesitate, call me, don't bother about the time, ok?" he said, dismissing my protests.
"Yes, doctor... "
"You worry a lot..." he smiled, patting my shoulder again, "get some rest yourself or you will fall sick next."
I opened the door, "Thank you very much doctor..."
He smiled and walked out.
I called his office and informed them about his condition and then called my boss and told him about Karan and asked him to give me the next day off... He was silent and I continued, telling him that I would come over, maybe tomorrow afternoon, as soon as Karan was feeling better, that I'd work the whole night if need be... and that I'd not let him down and finish my part of the work...
"Ok, Siddharth... I trust you." was all he finally said.
Checking in on Karan I rushed out to get the medicines and some oranges, returning home in a matter of minutes.
He was still burning, the skin scorching hot... but his feet and hands too were hot now, and the tremors, the shivering had stopped. And as I sat there, watching him I saw him move slightly and moan, the dry lips parting.
Getting up I got the glass of water and a spoon, putting a little water into his mouth, wetting his lips and saw his mouth open again, the pointed tip of his tongue peeking out to capture the cool moisture...
He slowly opened his bloodshot eyes and stared blankly about before looking at me... then slowly recognition set in and he smiled weakly and moaned.
"Karan, how are you feeling now? Don't worry the doctor was here and you'll be OK," I said as I held his hand.
He just kept on looking, and moaned softly...
"Can you hear me Karan, please... don't worry, you'll be fine..." I smiled giving his hand a slight squeeze.
He closed his eyes and just moaned, the tongue licking over the parched lips.
I sat there by his side, holding his hand... looking down at him and feeling all the more miserable since I just didn't seem to know how I could help him... make him feel better.... take away even a little of his suffering.
Just then the doorbell rang.
It was three of his colleagues from work come to check on him having heard that he was unwell. I told them that he was sleeping, that the doctor had given him some shots. They peeked into his room and graciously refused my offer of tea, saying that they would check in on him again the next day, after work, and if I needed any help - like getting medicines and stuff. I thanked them and they left.
As they were leaving I saw Puja get off the elevator.
She came in and I closed the door.
"How's Karan now? She asked.
"Bad I guess, I really don't know, but the doctor said he'd be fine, just the flu." I replied, suddenly feeling very tired.
"I saw you rush out this afternoon and later Mr. Chopra told me, after you called and spoke with him," she said. "So I thought I'd drop in... maybe you could do with a little help," she added after a pause. "The boss is real worried, about you."
"I'm really sorry... but I'll make up for it. I'll complete the job no matter what."
"He trusts you, but are you sure you can cope?"
"I'll do it Puja."
"Have you eaten anything?" she asked, taking my hand.
"Guess not... No, just my breakfast." I replied, suddenly realizing that that was true, but I wasn't hungry either.
She went into Karan's room and touched his forehead and cheeks and then as I watched she took his hand in hers and gave it a slight squeeze.
"Now you go and take a shower while I make something for you to eat." she said coming out of his room. "You haven't even changed since morning. Don't worry I'm here," she added seeing the look on my face, "he'll be fine. Besides, nothing much will change while your taking a shower." she added with a smile, when I tried to protest.
"Honest, I don't feel like eating Puja." I said.
"Sid, by fasting you don't prove a thing." she said going into the kitchen, "The only thing you'll achieve is falling sick yourself. How will it help anyone, huh? Now go and take that shower and don't disturb while I'm working." she smiled.
I stood for a while as she checked the fridge and the shelves... really not in the mood for food but somehow unable to tell her no. Also, knowing that she was right... The doctor too had said the same thing.
Watching her chop the vegetables I said, "Didn't know you could cook..."
"Well, did you ever really wanted to know?" she said in a funny kind of a voice, without looking up.
I walked out and into my room, getting a change of clothes I went to the bathroom and the water felt really good, refreshing. And as I walked back into the kitchen, she was frying the parathas, and to be really honest, whatever she had prepared smelled absolutely yummy.
She was a real good cook; I realized it that day as I ate the food. She just sat, serving me, sneaking in another parathas on my plate, as soon as I had finshed one, brushing away all my protests. But, she didn't eat, saying that she had already eaten before coming over.
"But I'll join you for a cup of coffee, after you finish eating," she said getting up and going into the kitchen once more.
"Well, I better be going, it's late and you also need rest." She said getting up and putting the mugs in the sink. "There's some coffee in the kettle, have it if you feel like it. But please, get some rest."
I thanked her as she came back into the living room.
"Don't be an idiot Sid." she laughed. "And don't bother about office, I'll manage it. I'll drop by in the morning in case you don't make your own breakfast."
I opened my mouth to thank her again and shut up quickly, picking up her purse and handing it to her.
"Your a very nice person Sid..." she said, her voice low, serious, "I'm really very happy to have you as a friend. Hope you don't get hurt... You know, it's really very painful when your feelings are not exactly reciprocated the same way," she smiled, blinking her eyes. "But I'm sure... no, I know, your goodness will be rewarded..."
I really didn't understand much of it... and was it tears that I saw her blink away? I wasn't sure... but then everything was so confusing that day, I really didn't know.
"He'll be fine. You get some rest and I'll drop in tomorrow," she added as I reached for the door and turning suddenly she hugged me, something she had never done before, taking me by surprise... and then quickly turned away and left. I stood watching her go wondering if I was missing in on something...
I went back and sat on his bed, checking his temperature. The doctor had said the medicines would take effect within a few minutes but even after all this time his temperature wasn't coming down...
`Well, lets give him a sponge bath,' I said to myself, getting up to get the stuffs ready.
Switching on the geyser I went to my room and got a hand towel and two large bath towels and then going into the bathroom I mixed the water to the right temperature and carried the bucket into Karan's room. I placed it by the side of his bed and slowly pulled back the blanket. And as I looked down at him I realized that I would have to undress him... and that made me feel weird... but also somehow excited!
Holding him gently I sat him up, having him lean into me... and suddenly it felt so odd to be holding him that way, but it also felt so good, so nice... so comforting. Pulling off his t-shirt I laid him back and hooking my fingers in the waistband of his shorts pulled them off. Though I had wanted to avoid looking at him, my eyes got drawn towards his sex... staring... curious, fascinated. Forcing myself to turn away I got the towel wet and slowly wiped his face... working my way lower... his arms, chest and belly... He had an awesomely smooth torso, the skin soft to touch and silky, now flushed with the fever and very hot. There was not a single strand of hair anywhere... not even the thin line, like I had, starting below the navel and leading down... and then all of a sudden there was this amazing dark patch of hair, forming an almost perfect inverted triangle around the base of his penis.
Tearing my eyes away I went back to the job at hand and as I reached his lower abdomen my fingers touched the curly pubic hair... sending a shiver down my spine. Jerking my hands away I re-rinsed the towel and started on his right leg... up to the upper thigh and then stopped. Doing his other leg as I wiped his inner left thigh, the back of my hands touched his cock and I felt a tingle pass through me... no, a shock wave... and I felt an incredible sensation deep in my gut. I quickly dropped the wet towel and taking the dry one wiped him once more, consciously avoiding going anywhere near his lower abdomen or upper thighs.
Then slowly turning him on his side, towards me, I held him and did his back, a million thoughts and emotions jostling for space in my mind. Rebuking myself, I dried him, one more time wiping him thoroughly with the spare towel and then dressed him, pulling on his shorts first and then the t-shirt before covering him up with the sheet and the blanket.
I sat on his bed, by his side, holding his hand and wishing that he would soon wake up... I was nervous and worried sick.
I was feeling very tired too, yet I just couldn't relax and as I sat, still holding his hand, he moved... I looked down at his face and saw his lips move and then he turned his head slightly. He seemed to be waking up now... moaning...
"Karan... can you hear me?" I asked in a low whisper bending over him.
"Uhh?" he said, his eyes flicking open, still red, watery...
"Karan... are you feeling better?"
He slowly looked up, his lips slowly parting in a smile and then he was lost again.
And I sat...
Watching him lying, so sick... so vulnerable... so helpless, like a small child, I was filled with tenderness and suddenly felt a surge of love overwhelm me, a love for this fantastic friend, a love I couldn't fathom or explain. And as I looked on I felt my head lower, my heart filled with desire... I wanted to kiss him, kiss him to let him know that I was there... That I was there to take care of him. Kiss him to say `thank you' for giving me a chance to have known him, to have loved him... Kiss him to make his pain and suffering go away... to make it better for him...
Slowly bending over I lightly brushed my lips across his parted mouth... and gasped at the awesome feeling rushing through me. It was like a bolt of lightening that passed through me as my moist lips pressed down on his parched lips, his breath singeing my cheek with it's unnatural heat...
Pulling back I saw him staring at me, a distant look in his eyes... I quickly got up and left the room...
I went into the kitchen and pouring myself some coffee sat down... angry and confused...
I don't know when or how, but at that moment, as I held his shivering body in my arms, I had realized that I was in love with him... madly in love! Unknown to me sometime in the past six months Love had crawled slowly and stealthily into my heart... I had fallen in love with Karan... It wasn't any conscious effort, nor forced... it had just happened. I had just fallen in love... Could it be helped?
Right or wrong... gay or straight wasn't a factor... Whether he was a guy or a woman didn't matter... I was in love and the person I loved so intensely just happened to be another male... what mattered was that he was an absolutely beautiful person, and I just don't mean the physical beauty, but the inner beauty... an amazing individual and I think I just couldn't have reacted any differently... Was it wrong? Was it right? But how could that be? Something so pure, so beautiful couldn't be wrong or a sin... Well, I didn't really care about all that then. I could really do nothing about it because, as I realized, I had already fallen in love, intensely!
It was a love, a love far greater than one you experience in friendship... No, I didn't want to think... analyze... Did I need to give it a name? Qualify my love... classify it?
But then, this was wrong... My act was wrong!
Not my loving him... but my kissing him while he was not conscious was wrong... And what about his feelings? Did he also love me the same way? And even if he felt the same emotions would he approve of what I had just done? We had been good friends and till that day our love was just that - a love between friends... and friends didn't kiss on the mouth... atleast that's what we've been taught by society... And what about his wishes... he couldn't even resist anything. Neither give his permission nor refuse...
Oh, the shackles of morality... My head was buzzing!
Much later I went back to his room again and pulling up a chair I sat down, looking at him, wishing that he would wake up... say something...
It was late and the outside sounds had long faded away to a calm silence... and as I felt his forehead it seemed that the temperature was going down, the injections finally taking effect... But just as I was starting to feel a bit relaxed he became very restless... tossing and turning, moaning and mumbling away... and he was sweating profusely!
I pulled back the blanket and sheets, seeing the t-shirt cling to his body, practically soaking wet! I quickly pulled it off and after wiping him dry pulled on a fresh one, sitting down back on the bed, holding his hand, trying to soothe him, keeping a close watch... Wetting his dry lips with a little water every now and then... wiping his brows with a moist towel.
He was delirious, mumbling away...
'Sid... don't... leave me...', and '...I....ah, love.... uh, Sid,' I caught a few of the garbled words...
"I'm right here Karan, I'm going nowhere... I'm with you..." I whispered, hoping he could hear me, understand what I was saying. But it didn't seem so at that moment, as he kept on mumbling... falling silent one moment and then saying it again, his eyes opening and searching the room, as if for someone... looking at me blankly and then as recognition set in, smiling... and then silent again, fleeting in and out of consciousness.
I didn't know what to feel anymore... Was he getting better or getting worst... I even thought of calling Dr. Nag, but then decided against it. I was totally confused...
And then slowly, around ten that night, he settled down, his sweating stopped and he slept peacefully for the rest of the night.
I must have dozed off sometime in the early hours of the morning, when suddenly I heard the doorbell ringing. Quickly getting up I answered the door. It was Dr. Nag coming to check on Karan.
We went into the room and he checked Karan, turning to smile at me, conforming that things were fine.
"Start on the tablets today," he said, placing his hand on my shoulder, "And Siddharth, you get something to eat and then get some sleep, you look terrible!"
I smiled in response and nodded.
Shortly Puja too came, horrified to see my condition, giving me a lecture before rustling up some breakfast and rushing off to office with the promise that she'd come by again, in the evening.
I called up Mr. Chopra and thanked him and told him that I'd be in the next day.
"That's ok Siddharth, don't bother, you can take tomorrow off too," he said surprising me. "But, after that I wont take any excuse. From the day-after you will work till you finish the job, is that clear?" he added, trying to sound stern.
I could just smile into the phone and say 'Thank you, Sir.'
A little while later Karan was awake, the temperature remaining normal, but still a bit groggy and very weak. I quickly got him some juice and gave him his tablets, covering him up as he drifted off.
And as I sat watching him sleep I felt the tiredness seeping in... and I was also starting to feel a bit light headed... I decided that it was time I took a little care of myself before I too fell ill and instead of solving one problem, create another. I took a quick shower and ate some of the food that Puja had prepared for me as I needed it and also, I knew that she would not forgive me if she came in the evening and found out that I hadn't eaten the breakfast she had prepared for me. And as I came out into the living room I heard him call my name... very soft, very weak.
I rushed into his room and saw him fully awake, still lying, "So how are you feeling now?" I inquired.
"Much better, thanks," he smiled, slowly sitting up. "What day is it?"
"Oh... Did I trouble you a lot?"
"Not at all buddy..." I replied taking the chair next to the bed. "Hey, you wait I'll get you some soup, have it and then take your medicine.
I went into the kitchen and pouring some of the soup that the doctor's wife had sent up, carried it back into his room and gave it to him.
"You made the soup?" he asked, sipping a spoonful.
"Me... and cook? No way buddy, it was the doctor downstairs. He's the one who came in yesterday. He came in this morning too and had it sent up later. Nice guy really." I answered.
"Thank you so much Siddharth..."
"Thanks? For what Karan?" I asked.
"For all that you did..." he said, with so much warmth and feeling that I started to feel real odd.
"Karan, please... your embarrassing me now."
He opened his mouth as if to say something and then just smiled and kept quiet, sipping the soup in silence.
After a while, as if remembering, he looked up, "Weren't you working on that project..." and as realization struck he added, "you didn't go to office today, huh?"
"Don't worry, this was more important for me... I will finish my work, even if I have to work a few nights." I replied, smiling at him. "Mr. Chopra is a real good guy, he was very understanding and agreed to give me the extra time." I added referring to my boss.
"I'm really sorry..." he started to apologize.
"Don't be an idiot," I cut him short, "it could be me... And anyway, can we do anything about when to fall sick, huh?"
He had the remaining soup in silence as I sat and watched. Once he finished I took the empty bowl, handing him a tissue and then gave him the tablets.
"You really scared me buddy... I felt that I was about to have a heart attack the way you just lay there, not responding." I said as I tucked him in.
He gave a wry smile. And as I turned to leave he suddenly held my hand, stopping me, and as I turned I saw him stare at me with a funny kind of look in his eyes...
"Thank you." he said and closed his eyes.
Later that evening, after Puja had left and he had taken the medicine I sat back on his bed and we talked...
"Umh, was I saying anything?" he asked suddenly, his voice low, "... you know, while I was... uh, yesterday night..."
"Yes..." I answered, unsure if I should tell him what he had been mumbling, but also nervous about what had preceded it.
"What was I saying? He asked again.
"Do you remember?" I asked in turn, wanting to see if he remembered... and if so, would he want to repeat it out loud, tell me, now that he was fully awake... But also not sure if I should tell him... maybe adding about my own feelings for him that I had suddenly discovered that night...
"Yes..." he replied.
There was silence as we both sat avoiding looking at each other.
"I... I..." he stammered, looking at me and then away, "uh... I... I dreamt that you were kissing me..." he suddenly said, breaking the silence of the room, his voice barely above a whisper, the flush already beginning to creep up and then fell into an embarrassed silence, his face a bright crimson, eyes downcast.
"I did..." I whispered back my confession, blurting out the truth, unable to contain the emotions any further, suddenly feeling shy... also slightly scared.... unsure about his reaction to my act of indiscretion...
He looked up, at me... our eyes locking and then we both turned away... There was again total silence in the room.
Then I felt his hand reach out and touch my hand, taking it and squeezing...
Suddenly we both looked up, at each other and as if some spell had been broken we both smiled... In that instant we moved closer, into each other's arms... our mouth joining in a passionate kiss.
"I was preparing to take a bath, thought that would help, when things went totally black... And I don't remember much after that" he said pulling away finally, "I was naked..." he added as he recollected.
"Yes, I dressed you." I replied, feeling a little awkward telling him that I saw him in the nude while he was lying on the floor, out cold.
"Then, that is unfair," he said, his hands holding my face, looking deep into my eyes.
I slowly disengaged and got up... and as he looked on, very self-consciously I divested myself of all my clothes.... feeling shy one moment and thrilled the next as I saw him watching me, his eyes following every move, keenly observing every part as it got exposed.
Once I was fully naked I stood in front of him and let him see... feeling weird, yet filled with an unknown erotic thrill.
He slowly sat up and reached for his t-shirt but I stopped him, "You need to stay warm," I reminded him, "not today. Now that you too have seen me, we're equal." I smiled as I got into bed with him.
That night we slept together, on his tiny bed... and I lavished my love on him...
He was very weak and just lay still as I wrapped him in my arms and kissed his face, his mouth, his hands... holding him as he slowly drifted off.
I too slept that night, on his bed, still naked, my arms holding him, totally exhausted but very happy.
He was a lot better the next day and the following day I rejoined my work and though it was a Saturday we were working. Three days later he went to office and within a week was feeling absolutely fine, back to normal.
Karan's 22nd birthday was coming up soon and I was busy planning a big party with Puja. But Karan somehow caught on and put his foot down. He would have nothing of it and he didn't want to hear anything more about it.
"I just want to take the two of you out for dinner and absolutely nothing else," he said. There was a certain finality about it, and we just shrugged and left it at that.
"And you won't buy ANYTHING either." He said later, when we were alone.
"But, Karan..." I started.
"No, Sid..." he cut me short, "Promise that you wont."
"No buts, Sid, please promise me that you won't buy anything... Please." he repeated, taking my hands in his. "Besides, what I want from you is something that you wont get in the market... I'll ask for it when the time is right." he smiled, intriguing me.
"OK, promise..." I said as he pulled me closer, and our mouth joined in a kiss.
It was luckily a Saturday and so we had the whole day to ourselves... a lot of his friends called and when in the evening a few of them dropped in with plans for a wild night, as one put it, he curtly told them that he wasn't up to it.... "Still weak you know, guess I'm not yet ready to party. Why don't you guys go ahead and enjoy yourselves instead," he suggested leading them to the door. "The foods on me, but... I'm NOT paying for any alcohol!" he added with a smile.
With roars of 'thanks' they trooped out and left as he closed the door.
"That was rude, very unlike you, Karan." I said passing my arms around his slim waist, pulling him to me.
"A-huh, my `rudeness' , as you put it, doesn't seem to have upset you much, on the contrary, you seem happy that I chased them away," he laughed, kissing me on the mouth. "I don't need them, I have you," he added breaking the kiss. "Besides, we promised to take Puja out for dinner, remember?"
The evening was fantastic and we had an absolutely amazing time together and as we dropped her off after dinner, she hugged us both and this time I returned her hug.
"I'm so happy for you Sid," she gushed as she released me finally.
"What did she mean?" he asked as we got into the car.
"I don't have a clue!" I said fastening the seat belt.
"Did you tell her about us?"
"NO!" I nearly shouted back, indignant.
He was silent for a moment and then said, "She loves you."
"How do you know?" I asked, surprised. "She never said anything like that."
"Idiot, can't you read it? It's all over her face!"
"She's just a friend, a very good friend. Why do you need to read meanings into everything?" I said, somehow suddenly not so sure anymore. "Your wrong, Karan. I never read anything like that, in any of her actions... things she said... ever."
"You're such a dummy Sid, and that's why I love you so much!" he said, reaching out and squeezing my thigh as we drove into the parking lot of our apartment block.
That night we finally consummated our love for each other...
"And now I want my birthday gift." he said as we entered the house, "I want you Sid... I want to make love to you."
I was stunned.... no, thrilled... no, absolutely elated... God, amazed!
That first night of his sickness had started it, but all we had done since then was kiss, kiss a lot, and hug. Every moment we were alone we were hugging and kissing and caressing... but we had never gone beyond that.... for some odd reason I had never felt the need for anything more. Just his presence by my side, the hugs and the kisses we shared... the moments together, holding hands, were enough for me. (I didn't know how he felt or what he wanted, but later he told me that he was holding back, waiting for his birthday, when he wanted to give himself up and also take me, the very reason that he had insisted on my not buying him anything!)
Taking me in his arms he kissed me and soon we were wrestling out of our clothes. There was a peculiar urgency in our desire that night. Dropping the pieces of clothing all over, we moved towards his bedroom...
We had always been shirtless, in the house, ever since we had moved in together and beyond those two occasions, we had never again been totally naked before each other.
But now, the sight and the feel of our naked body evoked a curious emotion... the touch of naked flesh, of our erect penis, fencing each other between our pressed pelvis... was, well, electrifying!
The bed creaked ominously as he fell on it, pulling me over him... the kiss breaking for the tenth time before we re-glued our mouth in renewed hunger.
Then suddenly we paused... looking at each other... we were both so new to all this, so unsure...
"I love you Sid," he whispered, "I want to do so much... yet I don't know what..."
"I love you too Karan," I whispered back, "whatever you want I want it too... we'll learn together... we'll teach each other."
It was funny, it felt so odd... suddenly awkward, but we decided that we'd let instinct, and each other, guide us... lead us.
Kissing his eyes, his cheek, the bridge of his nose... I moved to his mouth... hearing him moan as I inserted my tongue. Licking around his face as he squirmed and giggled, I moved lower... along his jawbone and down his neck... admiring his good looks, his astonishingly smooth skin... the firm muscles that flexed under it... The nipples were hard and pointed as I flicked my tongue over the sensitive nub and heard him gasp as his hands grabbed my head, the strong fingers curling, tugging at turfs of my longish hair...
I sucked on his boy tits - first one and then kissing my way to the other and felt him shift and moan, calling out my name... his hands applying more pressure on my head... My hands too now joined in... roaming the smooth torso... the heaving chest, the sinewy arms... over the fluttering belly and lower still... over the pubic patch... to finally encounter his rigid, pulsing penis... And this time without any hesitation I wrapped my fingers around the healthy shaft and felt his hips shoot up, his mouth letting out a gurgle of joy.
Gently stroking him I moved down his chest... kissing, licking, nibbling my way to the deep navel, inserting the tongue and feeling him shudder... his hands now hurtful with its pressure on my head...
Moving in ever larger circles I suddenly felt the touch of his pubic hair against my right cheek and opening my eyes I found myself staring at his cock in my hand, erect and throbbing with passion... there was a pause... everything seemed to go still... even his hands were still, just laying there on my head... The room was suddenly totally silent...
It was so beautiful... so amazingly gorgeous... I was seeing it for the first time, no, not seeing it since I had already seen it twice that first day... I was now consciously observing it, studying it, if you will. It was so much similar, yet so very different. It was the same piece of flesh that I carried between my legs... similar, yet different in so many subtle ways... the color, the feel, the texture and of course the shape. It was about the same length and girth as mine, but still it was different and it was adorable!
A strong musky scent engulfed my senses... intoxicating... and without any conscious decision I tilted his cock lower, towards my face, and darted out my tongue to lick the moist tip.
He groaned and his hips jerked up.
Shifting my head lower and opening my mouth wide I slowly took his cock head into my mouth and clamped my lips around the bloated head...
"Oh God... Sid... aaah!" he wailed, his hips lifting off the bed, his fingers tugging at my hair...
Honestly, I didn't know what I was supposed to do... I had absolutely no clue... but guess, nature equips us all with something called instinct, love instinct, and we just know what is required of us, what we ought to do... and above all, what feels good to us!
And it all came so naturally... no one had to tell me, guide me to love him, to give him pleasure... It was instinctive... And it felt so pure, so natural, so very beautiful!
Taking his moans and the pressure from his hand as my cue I went on licking the head of his cock lodged in my mouth as my hand slowly stroked the remaining length of his shaft, first slowly and then with a bit more pressure... and faster.
I could see his legs stretch out, taut, the toes curl and uncurl as his feet shook spasmodically... He was moaning now... non-stop, repeating my name like some sacred mantra, as his cock pulsed in my mouth, gushing out gobs of salty pre-cum.
"Ah.... Sid.... God... I'm... I... ah..." he babbled away... but never going beyond the I's and ah's, but somehow I felt he was trying to say something...
And then suddenly he arched his body, lifting off the bed totally, just the back of his head and his heels remaining, and went stiff. I felt the shudder in his pelvis and the first blast of passion as it filled my mouth. And then as his legs spasmed and more of his liquid love shot out I was there, all the way, gulping down his gift of love with a happy gurgle...
We lay in each other's arms, nuzzled close, surrounded by the glow that comes from being with one's loved one and as our lips worked on each other's face and ears and the hands roamed all over, he suddenly rolled me over on my back and leaned over me. Sensing what he wanted I shifting to the center of the bed and spread my legs, lifting them and wrapping them around his waist as he got between and climbed over me. I grabbed his cock and placed it at the opening of my anus and felt him push. A shooting pain rang through my whole body making my legs spasm, as a gasp escaped my open mouth. Gritting my teeth I stifled the cry and decided that no matter what, I would let him do what he wanted... I would give him the pleasure he was seeking. I wouldn't spoil it for him by telling him that he was hurting me... I wouldn't stop him... He pushed again, but this time too nothing happened as a renewed bout of pain shook my whole body. He grunted with the effort and pushed once more, more violent.
A cold sweat broke out as I struggled to contain the raging pain, my brain screaming for relief... demanding that the source be withdrawn.
He looked down, into my eyes, and saw the pain, read my discomfort, and suddenly stopped...
"I'm hurting you..." he said, steadying his hips.
"No..." I hissed, pulling his shoulder down, "just kiss me and it will be fine."
He kissed me and as the trembling stopped he pulled back and again looked at me. "This wont work... I'm really sorry."
"No Karan, I too want you." I whispered, holding him to me. "Guess we need to use some kind of cream or lubricant... It's too big to go in otherwise."
"It's hurting you Sid... and that's not something that I want to do." he replied, his eyes concerned.
"Yes, it hurts but honest I want you to do it... I want you to take me sweetheart!" I said with a smile, trying to reassure him. "Just get the cream from the bathroom and use it on your cock and my ass," I suggested.
He got off me and headed for the bathroom to get the cream and once he was back he lovingly applied the soothing lotion in the crack of my ass and smothered his penis with the cream.
He remounted me...
"Are you sure?" he asked.
I nodded, unable to voice my desire, too overwhelmed with love for the man now about to fill me with his passion.
He fitted the penis to the entrance and gently applied pressure... rocking his hips, nudging at my unrelenting orifice... And after every push he looked at me... trying to read my face, see if the pain was too much to bear...
I smiled up at him, my hands on his shoulders, urging him on.
With a steady back and forth movement of his hips he coaxed the resisting orifice to finally relent and let him in, and this time it was a lot easier... with the second push I felt the large head pop in and gasped at the slight pain and the amazing feeling that followed the entry. And as he fed me more and more of his cock I just couldn't seem to get enough... There was pain and a peculiar discomfort... but there was also an incredible sensation that seemed to radiate from deep within my convulsing gut...
And as I felt his pelvis come to rest on my upturned bottom, felt his pubic hair tickle the smooth cheeks, I cried out his name and pulled him down, biting into his shoulder to stifle the cry of joy... muffle the scream that was struggling to escape, pleading him to fuck me...
He too paused, overwhelmed by the feeling of his cock inside me... the thought of having joined our bodies in love... And then he began to move... first very gently and seeing my reaction, with a slight greater speed...
It felt that something had just filled my very soul, something that was new, yet belonged there... To have him, the person I so loved, within me... deep inside, was absolutely marvelous... I had a part of him inside me... and we were joined, not only in love but also physically... and that thought was absolutely extraordinary and erotic!
It was something that just can't be explained... it was pure ecstasy! And within a very short time the pain vanished totally, but that odd discomfort remained... and it was an awesome discomfort... something that drove the body higher and higher, carrying the mind beyond this plane...
He was how fucking me, really fucking me... harder and faster... pulling back and then slamming in... grunting and making me grunt too. And that rigid shaft felt incredible inside me... so hot, so hard, unbending, yet so alive as it pulsed and flexed... arousing a feeling that seemed to blow my own cock into a frenzy, making it pulsed, flex, on the verge of exploding... just hovering over the edge...
I saw a joy reflected in his eyes that was akin to pure ecstasy. But it wasn't a selfish joy for him only... it was the ultimate joy for me too. To have him over me... his soft, smooth body pressing hard against me... the warmth... To have my thighs wrapped around his slim waist, my arms holding on tightly to his broad shoulders... to have his labored breath wash over my face as our mouth refused to cease in their adoration of each other ... To hear his harsh panting and the ecstatic moans as he labored away... To feel him within myself... feel something so new, so lovely, piercing my very vitals... was reward enough.
I heard him cry as he fell over me, covering me... his face buried deep in my shoulder, the hips beating a steady rhythm, sending the hard flesh repeatedly into my innards, forcing me to push back, attempting at opening up wider, yet at the same time, clinging to the invading shaft.
I felt him shift and suddenly his hip drove the rampant cock deep inside, the hunches now short and sharp, his pelvis rotating... and then he held still... but I could sense the tremor that rocked his haunches, his legs shuddering... And I could also feel his cock within me flex and shudder... a soothing heat fill me.
"Take me now, Sid..." he said as we lay on the rumpled bed, recovering from the exhausting love battle that he had just fought between my raised and wildly parted thighs. "Make me yours forever..."
Now that it had been done, that we had learnt the intricacies of making love, discovered what made it feel better, it was easier for me to take my place between his spread thighs and begin the act of love.
It was amazing... absolutely nothing that I had ever experienced before... an ethereal feeling... He too was lost in ecstasy... in the joy of giving... Totally immersed in each other's love we hurtled mindlessly toward the ultimate goal of passion...
I pulled out and rolled off him, panting... He immediately turned and wrapped me in his arms, nuzzling close, nibbling my ear.
"That hurts," he said in a low voice, a mischievous smile playing on his luscious lips, "... but also feels incredible!"
We both giggled at the shared knowledge of our new discovery.
We were like two kids with a new toy, excited, wide-eyed. Our body was tired, but our minds refused to quit... the soul filled with a desire to try more... discover newer things... and soon with renewed vigor we set out on a fresh journey of exploration... only to part as the eastern sky was turning pink with the emerging new sun, totally exhausted, and finally fell asleep.
And we have never looked back since that night...
Within four years we had saved enough money to buy our own home and when we saw this lovely penthouse, we fell for it. We bought it and moved in and life has been absolutely amazing for us ever since!