Date: Sat, 23 Jun 2012 01:34:16 -0400 From: Jesse Jesse Subject: Being Seen 2 "The river house," as it's known, sits on the banks of a small river that winds its way through Grandpa's land. Though not extremely wide, the deep, frigid water, winding a path through the pasture land and tobacco fields, and surrounded by groves of ancient willow trees creates a picture more beautiful to me than any painter could hope to achieve. The small stone house is believed to have originally been built by a family of sharecroppers who lived on what originally was a plantation of several thousands of acres. Whatever the true origin, the small stone house with its river rock walls and shingled roof, perched jauntily on the banks of the river, seems to fit the description of some tiny European cottage in a fairy tale than the farm lands of the deep south. Finally the trip to the river house came bumping and jolting to a stop, and we found ourselves unpacking the few things Seth had thrown into the back of his pickup and making our way into the tiny living room of the house. Seth smiled as we wound our way through the cluttered living room, packed with antique furniture. "Well, here we are. Are you hungry yet?" Before I'd had a chance to reply, my stomach growled and rumbled, prompting a chuckle from Seth. "I guess that mean's yes. Let's see what's in the kitchen." The kitchen proved to be stocked full of fresh food from the grocery store, yet Seth had another idea. "Hey, I saw a fine-looking hole in the river out there where I bet there's some trout just begging to be caught. What do ya say? You up for a quick little fishing trip for supper?" I nodded vigorously. It had been years since I'd been fishing. Dad hardly had the time to see my report card, let alone do things like fishing. Seth smiled. "Okay, I've got a couple of rods in the back of the truck. Let's got get `em and see what we can catch." Though almost two hours passed, what seemed like a short time later, we found ourselves climbing back up the bank from the water toward home, Seth's creel filled with trout. Seth proved to be an expert fisherman, and having an almost natural skill at cleaning the fish. He chuckled softly when I became squeamish at the sight of fish guts and suggested I start pealing potatoes for some homemade French fries to go with our fish. Soon the house was filled with the smell of frying fish and potatoes. Never could I remember having such a meal. Seth proved to be an excellent cook. Growing up having deliveries and four course meals at the finest restaurants around, never could I have imagined something as simple as fresh trout and homemade fries could taste so delicious. We ate until neither of us could bring our forks to our mouths for one more bite. Finally Seth rose from the tiny kitchen table, rubbing his stomach as he went. "Whew! I'm stuffed. I think I need to go outside and walk some of this off or something. You wanna come, or are you gonna get your stuff unpacked?" I studied the young man in front of me. Though I'd felt shy and embarrassed about him staying with me, suddenly I felt the urge to go with him. As I'd stared out the window of the truck on the journey to the river house, I'd wondered if I'd be lonely. Now I realized that, though I was thankful for the chance to get away from my parents' fighting, I did indeed feel lonely. In fact, the sudden realization that, despite the fact that I was surrounded by almost a thousand people at school every day, I truly did feel lonely washed over me in such a powerful way that I found tears forming in my eyes. I desperately wanted to go with Seth wherever he was going, but I knew that he was just working for my grandpa. It wasn't as though he was some best friend or relative I should be clinging desperately to. "No, I think I'll stay here and decide which room I'm gonna sleep in." Seth smiled at me. "Didn't you see? There's only one bedroom, so one of us will be taking the couch." "Well, I still need to get these few things unpacked, so you go ahead. I need to stick around here." Seth studied me for a moment. "Are you sure you're okay? I can stick around here, if you want." "No, no, I'm fine. You go ahead." "Okay, I'll be back in a bit." I watched Seth's tall frame leave the house and stroll through the yard, tears filling my eyes as he went. It was then that heartache, overwhelming heartache washed over me. It was then that I realized just what my life had come to. I was alone. Thought my parents were a matter of miles away in town, because of the way they treated me and each other, I now felt all alone. I'd caught most of my friends whispering behind my back recently about what had went on between my parents, and even my maternal grandparents had tried to convince me that the whole situation was my dad's fault the other day. It was as if no one but my Grandpa had stopped to think of me, how I felt, how I hurt throughout all of this. Everyone flocked to one parent or another, but I'd been left standing in the middle, been left standing all alone. And as this waive of despair flooded over me, I felt my knees give way and crumple, and I cried. I cried until my eyes almost seemed to hurt, cried until I had no tears left to cry. "Hey, are you okay?" I jerked violently as Seth's voice rang out from behind me. Even clouded with tears, my eyes immediately found Seth. "I'm...I'm okay. Just a little..." His tall frame filled the doorway. "Hey man, what's wrong?" "Really, I'm okay. I'm just...I'm..." I felt my face flush crimson, and fresh tears I didn't think possible flowed freely. Seth was by my side in an instant. "Hey, hey, what's this. What's wrong?" I tried to find words to express how I felt, but it seemed the harder I tried to speak the worse I sobbed. What happened next took me completely by surprise. Two strong arms wrapped around my shoulders and under my drawn legs where I sat and lifted me gently from the floor. "Come on, let's get you up here out of the floor. If you're gonna cry, no sense in having to do it alone in the floor." Seth sat down in the sofa in the living room, but instead of sitting me down or laying me at the other end, he cradled me in his arms and held me tight, whispering softly in my ear. "I kinda had a feeling your were a wreck when your grandpa told me what was going on. It's a wonder you've not lost your mind before now. Hush now. It's gonna be all right." My body shook with sobs as I curled into the muscular body that framed my own. "I just feel so alone. My parents don't talk to me any more. It's like I'm not even there, like they don't love me any more..." "Shhhhh...hush now. I know how you feel. My mom and dad divorced when I was young too, but it will be all right." Seth lifted my face to meet his. "Jesse I know it hurts, believe me, I know it hurts like hell, but it will get better." With the exception of my grandfather, never in my life had I been treated so gentle, so lovingly, but even as I lay there, my sobs subsiding, the reality of what was going on struck my mind. Here I was, fifteen years old, laying in the arms and lap of a man I knew nothing about. I began struggling to rise from where I lay cradled. "Seth I'm so sorry. I should've never let you hold me like this. You shouldn't have to..." A rough finger was brought to my mouth. "Shhhh...it's okay. I'm not uncomfortable or uneasy. Jesse I've known all along what's been going on with your mom and dad. Practically everyone in the county does. But what your grandpa has been worried about, what I've been worried about, is how this is affecting you. Trust me when I say I know how it is to be a child caught in the middle of parents' marital troubles. I know what it's like for both parents to be so self-centered and self-concerned that they don't give their own child a sideways glance. I don't mean this to make you feel worse, but everyone in town can see what's going on but your parents. I can't tell you how many times your grandparents have talked to me and the rest of the guys on the farm about this, or how many times I've heard the guys at the hardware store talking about what's going on, and believe it or not, people are not talking about scandal or who's cheating on who. They're talking about how your parents are treating, or really not treating, you. Your grandfather came to me because he knew I came from a family of divorced parents. He wanted me to be with you in case something just like this happened. Your grandparents have been really worried about you." Calloused hands brought my face to stare strait into his again. "Jesse look at me. I know how you feel. I know how hurt, how desperate, how alone you feel. I know what it's like to be so hurt and angry at the same time that you just wanna scream and cuss to the top of your lungs, and if you wanna do just that, I'll not stop you. Just know that I'm here. I'm here to listen, here to talk. I'm here for whatever you want or need to do to help you through this." The next few weeks flew by, and though always in the back of my mind I wondered what was going on with my parents, I actually found myself becoming happy once again. School was still hard, because the whispers never seemed to stop, and I always found myself seeing sneers and giggles, like everyone else knew something I didn't. But the rest of my life, life around the river house was happy and peaceful. Seth proved to be the most caring, honest, loving person I'd ever met. He seemed to always know the right thing to say, and just the right time to say it, to make me smile. Even on the worst days of school, Seth always found something during the ride home to make me laugh. Evenings after homework and weekends were filled with fishing and swimming. One Friday evening I climbed into the truck to find Seth smiling mischievously. "Got a surprise for you at home." "What is it?" "Why don't you wait and see." Though I badgered him the entire trip home, he merely smiled and shook his head. When we arrived home he jumped out of the truck, ran around to where I sat, threw open the door, and jerked me out and through the yard toward the river, finally stopping at the river bank and pointing up into a massive willow branch that splayed out over the water. "Well, there it is. You said you would like a swing to jump out into that big hole of water, so there it is!" I stood dumbstruck, smiling in awe at Seth as I wondered how he'd managed to climb onto the tree limb and fasten the rope. "Seth I can't believe you did that. How...how in the world did you..." He smiled. "You said you would like a rope to swing by, so there it is. Now, are you gonna swing or not?" I laughed. "Can't I at least get out of my school clothes first?" "Oh, come one. Little water never hurt nobody!" I stood gaping in amazement as the next moment Seth ran full force, jumping off the bank, catching the rope, swinging several times, and then splashing violently into the river, fully clothed. Seconds later he popped up out of the water, waiving for me to join him, his teeth chattering as he shouted. "Come on in. It's not cold at all!" I doubled over laughing at his obviously freezing as he lied, but finally regaining my composure, followed suit and jumped in. Another morning I was awakened by a smell I'd not smelled in years, homemade waffles. One of the few good memories I had of my parents was a trip we took when I was very young to Florida. While there my parents took me to a restaurant for breakfast, and I had Belgium waffles. Since my mother never cooked, the closest thing I had afterwards was an Eggo for breakfast, but I never forgot that trip. Seth came to the door of the bedroom (he'd been so kind and took the couch), holding an enormous plate of waffles. "Good morning. Hope you're hungry." I remember him sitting at the foot of the bed, smiling as he sipped coffee and watched me gorge on waffles. It seemed Seth was one of those people who was happiest when he was making someone else happy. And then came the Saturday when I was shaken awake before dawn. "Jesse wake up. Come on, we've gotta get going." "Seth what the hell are you doing?" "Come Jesse. If you don't get up we'll never make it in time." Seth drug me out of bed, half dressed me himself, and pulled me out the door into the still dark yard. And it was in the cool morning air that I was jerked awake. There, standing saddled and ready, were two of the horses from my grandfather's farm. "Old Jake" as he was known, the enormous Belgian my grandfather had used as a workhorse and riding horse stood waiting patiently in the yard, the younger mare "Missy" standing nereby. Seth's excited smile was almost childlike as he pulled me toward Missy. "Are you ready?" "Seth I'm really not up to riding this early in the morning, not on Saturday. Couldn't we wait for a little while?" But he was not to be discouraged. "No we can't. If we wait you'll miss it." "What? What will I miss?" He smiled again. "Why don't you mount Missy and we'll find out!" For the next half hour we rode in the early morning twilight. At first the morning sky was still to dark for me to realize where we were going, but as the sun began to rise ever so slowly I began to make out the looming form of Stony Peak. Another half hour's climb up the side of the ridge, and we found ourselves sitting on a sheer rock cliff that jutted out over the treeline below, a panoramic view of my grandfather's farm and our county before us. Seth helped me off Missy, tying both her and Jake to a tree, and lead me to the rock cliff. Never have I seen anything so beautiful as the dazzling sight the unfolded before me that early morning as the sun rose. With each passing second the morning light flooded the farmland below with light, casting shadows and highlighting other parts of the rolling hills below. Somewhere in the distance a rooster could be heard crowing at one of the farms below. Seth watched me take in the sunrise. "I come up here sometimes by myself when I need to think. It's funny how being up here so higher than everything else, just a little change of perspective, can give us such a different view of the world." I stared out at the scene before me. "I wish my parents could've seen and heard that." Seth pulled me tightly into him, crushing me in a hug. "Some day they will." I raise my head and stared into the green emeralds sparkling down at me. This young man before me had been so wonderful to me, so kind and compassionate, so loving. I wanted him to know just how I had grown to feel about him. I began shifting around slightly to stare strait into his face. And it was then that I went for it. Shaking as I moved my body closer to his, I pressed my own lips against his. They were soft and warm. He made no effort to return the kiss, but made not effort to push away either. As I pulled away he gave me a confused look , but began to smile. "What was that for?" "Because I love you." For the first time I saw tears form in Seth's eyes as he looked at me, but suddenly he pulled me into a crushing embrace, his lips planting light kisses all over my face and neck, and finally making contact with my lips, his tongue tracing my lips, requesting entrance. When he pulled away he spoke only one thing. "And I love you."