Date: Tue, 26 Mar 2002 19:36:19 +0000 From: Jeffrey Fletcher Subject: The Countrymen Part 12 This story contains consenting sex between adult men. If it is illegal to read such material where you live, or you dislike such material, then surf elsewhere. All the characters are entirely fictitious. The ecclesiastical dignitaries involved in the story bear no relationship whatsoever, either in character or in beliefs, to the holders of such positions in the parts of the country described. The details of upper Swaledale are correct, and the walk could be followed with the aid of a map from details in the story. Thanks for the encouraging emails that I have received. They are one of the rewards in writing such stories. I believe I have replied to all who have done so. My email is jeffyrks@hotmail.com Resume:- Phil, the narrator, a man in his 60s has met Colin, and begun a sexual friendship with him. Colin is a member of a small gay group, called the Countrymen, and wants Phil to become a member. He has met two other members, Kevin a man in his 20s, who had a hard time at school, and Tom, an older man, who spent all his working life as a farm labourer, and in a long standing relationship with Colin. Phil has arranged to spend a day out walking in Swaledale, UK, with Vic, who was also called Archie, or just Arch, the fourth member of the group. Archie is also called Vic because he is vicar of Colin and Kevin's parishes. Archie/Vic has just told Phil about his schooldays, and how he came to be a vicar. He has also told him about his relationship with a fellow clergyman called Harry. When having sex at Archie's vicarage, they were joined by Zach, the window cleaner. Lead in Archie continued "We took it all slowly and carefully. None of us wanted to be the first to climax. We seemed to sense each other perfectly, ceasing time and time again before reaching the point of no return. `Do you live alone, Zach?' I asked, wondering if there was the possibility of a safe house with him. `Yea. Got a small flat, in Aston,' answered Zach. `Any chance of getting together at your place?' I asked, as I thrust my cock in and out of his arse. `Yea, good idea, why not?' `Sounds a great idea,' said Harry from below, breaking off his oral activities. So we continued working steadily with an unspoken agreement to try and climax as near together as possible. Then suddenly there was a scream. Pen stood in the doorway having hysterics." The Countrymen Part 11. "I have never seen two men get dressed so quickly. They were both out of the house before you could say Jack Robinson. Zach first, and then Harry with the briefest of farewells." "Did Pen recognise Harry?" I asked. "No; fortunately for Harry they'd never met. I dressed much more slowly and thoughtfully. I dragged myself down stairs and began to look for Pen. I heard her voice on the phone in the kitchen. As I entered she was putting the receiver down. When she saw me, she screamed again. `Don't come near me, you filthy pervert. How could you, Archie? You were like some rutting animal.' She broke down in sobs. When I moved towards her, she put her hands up to bar my approach, and pulled herself together. `No Archie. If you can do what I've just seen you doing, that's the end. I never want to see you again. I have just been on the phone to Mummy. She is coming over to collect the girls. I don't want them corrupted by you. And I will join them at Mummy's as soon as possible. I've rung the Bishop and the Archdeacon and they're on their way. You need to speak to them about what you've been up. If you ever try to see me or the girls again I'll go to the News of the World and tell them the full story. I think they'd love it. Now, go to your study. We'll be gone as soon as possible. I never want to see you again. You're a depraved brute! A monster. A filthy warped sex fiend. To think that I've been close you, allowed you to touch me, to...' Her body shuddered with disgust. She continued, `That you could do that to a man! Go! Go! Go!' She screamed at me. I backed away out of the kitchen. "That couple of hours I spend in the study were the longest in my life. I felt like some condemned prisoner awaiting the moment of execution. I could hear Pen moving around packing things. The girls came home from school, and very soon afterwards mother-in-law arrived. She never thought I was good enough for her daughter, and no doubt in her eyes, what had happened proved her right. The girls were quickly bundled into the car." "Did you see them to say goodbye?" "No. I saw them out of the study window. Pen got them quickly into the car. That was the last time I saw my two children." Archie was silent for a while. I noticing him wiping away some tears from his eyes. I put my arm round him and we stopped walking. He hugged me and cried for several minutes. "Its been hard, not seeing them. Only hearing little snippets of news about them. My only hope is that one day they may want to get in touch." I held him while the pain of his separation from his children racked him. Slowly Archie recovered himself. "If only I'd locked the bloody front door when I let Zach in! From that day to this, I have kicked myself repeatedly for my folly. I realised very quickly that what had happened meant not only the end of my marriage, but also the end of my ministry in Scrumwood. I awaited the Archdeacon with some trepidation. He and I had crossed swords several times, the latest was only a few weeks before when I had made him look a fool of him at the Diocesan Synod. Gregory Castleridge is a pompous and ignorant ass. I had enjoyed taking him down a peg. Now, no doubt, he would be down on me like some avenging angel. Gregory looked the part of an Assyrian king with a crinkly beard, like the statues in the British Museum. The lines of Byron kept coming into my mind, The Assyrian came down like a wolf on the fold. "His car screeched to a halt outside. Pen must have been watching from the room the other side of the hall, because she was at the door as soon as he rung. I heard them speaking in the hall for a few moments, and then the sound of the kitchen door being closed. I sat there, head in my hands awaiting my fate. It must have been ten minutes or so, before I heard clicks on my phone, which always showed that someone was using the extension phone in the kitchen." "Were you tempted to pick up your phone and listen in?" I asked. "Yes. But I knew that whoever was on the phone would hear a tell tale click. I hadn't the energy, and I knew it would only make matters worse. I would be knowing my fate soon enough. I heard the kitchen door open, and the ponderous footsteps of Gregory Castleridge coming down the hall. The door opened, and in he came. He looked down at me, and I got to my feet. His look was a mixture of distaste and triumph. `Do you deny what I've just been told, that an hour or so ago your wife found you in flagrante delicto committing a recently illegal act with two naked men, one of whom was black?' I replied softly, in the only way I could, `I cannot deny it.' `After what you've done you will, of course, have to resign your living [resign from being vicar of the parish]. That must be done as soon as possible. What happens to your marriage is, of course, between you and your wife. Though I wouldn't give much on its chances. You cannot stay here. I have arranged for you to spend the night at Michael Page's, the Rural Dean. Tomorrow morning Michael will bring you back here, and you will clear your desk, and I will want a letter of resignation for the Diocesan Bishop by noon tomorrow. Do you know what you're going to do? What are your long term plans?' `I don't know,' I replied. In actual fact I'd already decided what I'd do, but I wasn't going to tell him. `I'll want to know what arrangements you are going to make to vacate this vicarage when I call here at noon tomorrow. I want you, and all your goods and chattels out of this vicarage as soon as possible. Understood?' He turned to leave. I spoke again, `Can I see my curate to hand things over to him?' `No, you cannot. That would be most unwise. For your dear wife's and poor children's sake, we are not going to tell the parish the sordid truth about what happened. I want to save them from further embarrassment, even though it may save you from unwelcome publicity. I can just imagine what the gutter press would do with this story. As to your curate, you will write down the things that he needs to know, and I will read what you have written. I will be here again at noon tomorrow.' He turned towards the door. He opened it and then turned back. `Just one more thing,' he spoke with obvious disgust, `These men you were with. The white man, he's not a clergyman in this diocese, is he?' `No, Archdeacon, he is not a clergyman in this diocese.' I breathed a sigh of relief, if he'd broadened his question he might have detected a lie. Though archdeacon Gregory was a sententious toad he was no fool in some respects. I have always been thankful that Pen did not put two and two together and come up with Harry as one of the men." "She probably didn't think of the man beneath, and was taken up with the sight of you and Zach." "Maybe." We were silent for a moment, and then I asked Archie, "But what on earth had you decided to do?" "Why, go to my bolt hole. To my cottage in Devon. I was just thinking how soon could I get down there. I was so thankful that it was in my name. There could be no dispute with Pen over joint ownership, as there so easily could've been. When I got down there I could lick my wounds." "Did it all go as the Archdeacon had planned?" "Oh yes. One thing about Gregory, he is a very good organiser. Within half an hour Michael Page was round to collect me. Gregory handed my over to his custody. `You're not to ask him what has happened. He's been a naughty boy, and very naughty boy, so don't let your wife spoil him. Give him a bed, some food, bread and cheese would be sufficient. Come here with him in the morning and stay in here while he clears his desk. He's not to make any phone calls to anyone in the parish, certainly not to his curate or the wardens. I'll deal with them. I'll be here about 12.00 noon, to collect his letter of resignation and find out what he is going to do with himself. By the way, it is not a criminal offence he's been up to, unfortunately. It is a moral offence. But remember, no questions.' We locked up the vicarage, and I got into Michael's car and we went our separate ways." "How did you get on at Michael's?" "Michael and I had always got on well together. In the car he said, `Sorry about all this. I don't like being a gaoler. Will you prefer to be alone, or would you like to eat with us?' `I think I would prefer to be alone as much as possible. I had a lot of thinking to do.' When we got to his vicarage, his wife welcomed me as though I was a proper guest. She was kindness itself. Showed me my room, the bath room and so on, and got out a towel for my use. `If there is anything you need, just ask. Oh, by the way. Would you like to have your meal with us or in your room up here alone?' `Alone, please. It that does not sound too ungrateful.' `Not at all, I understand', she replied. "Michael, brought my meal up. Then came up again to collect the tray. `I don't think we need to follow all of Gregory's strictures, if you want to use the phone you can.' `Thanks a lot,' I replied. `I don't think I need to phone anyone at the moment. "The next morning Michael brought me a cup of tea about 7.00am. `I don't think Gregory would approve of that,' I said, and thanked him for his kindness. Breakfast was brought up to me. We were just ready to go when I made a request, `Thank you both for your kindness. I wonder if I could impose myself further. I don't think Gregory will let me stay at the vicarage overnight. I have decided what I am going to do. Pen needs to come back and go through things taking what she wants. I am going down to my cottage in Devon. I want to put all that Pen doesn't want into store. I will pack up my books and arrange for them to be taken down to Devon. My clothes and so on, I will pack up, and take down myself. What I cannot get into the car can come down with the books, and so on. So could I stay with you, one or possibly two, more nights?' They agreed. "How did the morning go?" I asked. "As well as can be expected. I cleared my desk. I wrote to Pen telling her what I proposed to do. Then half way through the morning the Bishop came. Not the diocesan Bishop, the big boss, but the suffragan, the sort of assistant bishop. He was a totally different kettle of fish from Archdeacon Gregory. The door bell rang, and Michael answered it and let the bishop in. He came over and shook my hand, `I'm so sorry to hear about what has happened. I don't want to hold an inquisition, or even an inquest. I believe Gregory has told you the steps you must take. Have you decided what you are going to do?' I told him my plans. `Can I be of any help in any way? Do you want to talk?' he asked. `Not at the moment,' I replied. `Do you want me to mention you to anyone down in Devon? You're going to be very lonely!' he said. `I think at the moment I want to be alone.' `I can understand that. Have you thought about receiving counselling, and psychiatric help?' he asked. `No, I just need to get away and find out where I am now.' `If you would like to receive counselling, get in touch with me, and I will see what we can do. I am sure the diocese would foot any bill.' I thanked him. I gave him my Devon address, and he left. "Then at noon Archdeacon Gregory arrived. He marched in. `Have you done what I asked?' `Here's my letter of resignation.' I handed it to him. He read it and nodded. `Here is the information my curate and the wardens will need. I have made no personal statement, I am leaving you to say whatever you version of the truth it is necessary to give.' He glared at me. `Have you decided what you are going to do?' I told him my plans. `But I need to phone my wife, as soon as possible.' He consented to that, but stood in the room while I phoned Pen. I got through to my mother-in-law. `You!!' she said. Very quietly I said, `I need to speak to Pen, to tell her what I plan to do with the contents of the vicarage, some of which are hers.' That silenced her, she called Pen. I told her what I proposed to do, and she said that she would come over the next day and remove what she wanted. "The Archdeacon thought it was safe to leave me in the vicarage, on condition I did not answer the phone. I spent the rest of the day, sorting out the details. Michael went to the supermarket and got a lot of card board boxes for me to put my books and papers in. I packed up my clothes. I spent the next day at Michael's, reading the paper, and trying to read a book, but I could not concentrate. Pen was sorting out her stuff. "The next day when I got to the house it looked as though a whirl wind had hit it. Pen had obviously been through it and taken a great deal. She must have hired a van, or got someone with a large vehicle to help. I rang the furniture storage people and they came in the afternoon and loaded all the remaining stuff to put into store. They were also going to bring my books etc down to Devon in a couple of days. I went back to Michael's and had a meal there, gave them a box of good wine as a thank you present, and drove down to Devon to begin my exile." "That was all quick work," I commented. "Yes, it is surprising how quickly things can be done when you set you mind to it. I was so eager to get down to Devon, after the debacle of that Tuesday lunch time with Harry and the guy called Zach. It was a grim drive down, cold and with driving rain. I arrived at the cottage well after midnight. It was Friday 25th April. The cottage felt cold and unlived in, even though we had only been away from it a few days. I poured myself a stiff drink and went to bed. I did not sleep well. I tossed and turned, waking with shreds of dreams that I could not properly remember. Then as dawn began to break went off into a deep sleep. I woke about 11.00, unpacked the car, and started getting things sorted out. I went into Barnstaple to get essential supplies." "How was it for you down there?" I asked. "The first four or five days were especially terrible. The weather did not help. My books arrived and I had the job of sorting them out. That made me feel even more miserable. Where was I to go from there? My life had completely fallen apart. I had lost wife and children, and lost my job. I was living in a small isolated cottage in deepest Devon. The only redeeming factor was that financially I was secure. Even if Pen made claims upon me, I knew that I could meet them. But I doubted if she would. She had money of her own. Any formal request for help from me could lead to me asking to see the girls, and I knew she wouldn't want that. There were some financial matters to be sorted out, as we had several joint accounts and so on. "It was on the Thursday morning that something of great significance for me happened. I don't know how much you'll understand what I'm going to tell you, Phil. I must confess that from that fateful Tuesday I had not attempted to pray. I think I was too ashamed to pray. I'd let the side down. I was a failure. I knew that 99.9% of my fellow clergy would condemn me totally. That Thursday morning was warm, bright and sunny. The birds seemed to be singing for the first time since I'd arrived there. I got my breakfast, cereals, fruit juice, coffee and some toast and marmalade, and decided to have it in the garden. We had some chairs and table out there. I took out my breakfast on a tray, and then went back and brought out my Bible. I used to read a passage every day, and had done so each day, except when I was ill, since my conversion at Cambridge. I knew that sooner or later I had to make contact with God again. I expected it to be painful in the extreme. I ate my breakfast, and over my second cup of coffee, I took hold of my Bible. I didn't open it. I just began to cry, great sobs of weeping came from me. It was a though I was feeling round an open wound, and I was expecting it to be sore and painful." "Wasn't it? Didn't you feel guilty? Condemned?" I asked. "I think basically I expected those things, but those sorts of feelings were completely overwhelmed by a feeling of being loved. Yes, I felt loved, totally and utterly loved! It was as though I was being told, `I love you, Archie, I like you, you are mine and I love you.' It was being said over and over again. And I just wept. Every time I tried to place the finger of my mind on what had happened back at Scrumwood, the feeling swept over me with a fresh intensity. It was though an insistent voice kept on saying, `I love you, Archie, you're still precious to me.' I think I must have sat there weeping for a good couple of hours. I know the coffee in the cup was not drunk and stone cold when I came to. Looking back on that experience sometime later, I was reminded of something in Tolkein's Lord of the Rings. It is when the dwarf, Gimli, son of Gloin, sees Galadriel, the Queen of the Elves. For a long while there had been little love lost between the dwarves and the elves. He looked up and met her eyes; and it seemed to him that he looked suddenly into the heart of an enemy and saw there love and understanding. I was expecting to find condemnation but I found love and understanding." "Archie, I find you difficult to understand. Surely the Church is totally against what we did an hour or so ago. It condemns a hundred percent homosexuality in any shape or form. According some parts of the Church it is a disordered condition, just being gay. Expressing it in action is totally wrong, even evil. How can you say such things. Really Archie, I just cannot understand how you can remain within the Church of England, working for it when it treated you so badly." All that was expressed with some anger. Archie stood still and looked at me with a smile. "I know this is difficult for you to understand. But above all I do not serve the Church, I serve the Lord of the Church. The One who I believe had told me that he loved me. That makes it all a rather different matter. I know it is difficult to untangle the two, but it has to be done. Over the next few weeks I began to look at the Bible afresh. Shortly after that I was reading in Jeremiah, and I came across these words, For I know the plans I have for you, says the Lord, plans for welfare and not for evil, to give you a future and a hope. I know they were originally spoken to a totally different situation. But they seemed words of promise made to me. I did a lot of Bible studying, especially of the Gospels." "But the Bible is crammed full of prohibitions of gay sex!" I exploded. "No, it is not as simple as that. I think there are only seven references to gay sex in the Bible." "Surely Jesus condemns it." "No. Jesus does not mention it directly at all. There is even one episode where he may be acting in a healing of someone in a gay relationship. Some of the direct references to it, are of things which I think every right thinking gay man would condemn." "Such as?" "Gay rape! I don't think any of the Countrymen would support that," said Archie with an enquiring smile on this face. "Where is there gay rape in the Bible?" I asked. "The notorious story of Sodom is really a story involving gang gay rape, or at least the desire of the men of Sodom to engage in it. Then there is another strange story towards the end of Judges, which seems to be a similar story of attempted gang rape." "So that deals with two of the references. But are you telling me that the story of Sodom, from which we presumably get the term Sodomite, was a story involving gang rape?" I asked. "Yes, I am saying just that." "That's seems unfair, gays have been called Sodomites, and all based of a story involving gang rape." I shook my head in amazement. "There is a lot of cherry picking when it comes to using the Bible. There are those who wax eloquent because of those seven or so texts. But they take no notice of the twenty or so texts that forbid usury, the lending of money with interest." "Taking notice of that would undermine the whole capitalist system, wouldn't it?" "Exactly. So these highly vocal Biblical fundamentalists who condemn homosexuality, seem totally blind, or at least are completely silent, when it comes to so many other issues, like usury. I did a lot a of thinking, and a lot of studying down at the cottage. My understanding of the Lord changed. I saw how he was most critical of the religious leaders of his time, the Scribes and Pharisees. And so many of the characteristics of the Scribes and Pharisees are to be found among the Church people of today. Especially among Church leaders, the ones who do the leading of the Church and go in for pontificating on issues like homosexuality. When I looked carefully I found how much time Jesus spent with the outcasts and rejects of society. He was not known as a friend of sinners for nothing. The religious leaders criticised the company he kept. My experience that sunny morning in early May, and my Bible reading over the next few weeks, set me off on a course that made me believe that there was possibly room for me, a gay man in the Kingdom of God. It started me on a questioning of things that I had believed up till then. It was a long, and sometimes quite painful process. Questioning, searching, thinking. It involved going down to the foundations of my faith, and building a new structure. I think the new structure is stronger, and more true to the foundations that the old structure was. But fundamental to the whole process was that I believed, and still firmly believe that I am loved and accepted by Him." "Thank you for telling me all that. About your experience after breakfast, and the results of you reading. As you know I'm not a religious guy. I don't go to Church. But you're making me think!" Archie put his arm round me. "Any time." We walked on in silence. "It must have been lonely living down in Devon, in an isolated cottage on your own. Certainly after what must have been a life full of people, family and the church." "It was. But there was a second ray of sunshine in that dark time. I had been own there a couple of weeks, when I went into Barnstaple to do my weekly shop. As my car bumped its way up the track to the cottage, I came round the corner and there standing outside the cottage was the largest Mercedes car I'd ever seen. It seemed, to fill the track outside the cottage. I pulled up behind it, and wondered who on earth it could be. As I got out of the car, a familiar voice called out `Little Cousin!' It was Chris, of Crippleshanks' fame." "Your cousin?" "Yes, my cousin. Let me fill you in about him. He was now the owner of Crippleshanks. He'd inherited a fortune from his Dad, and was making a further fortune himself in banking and business in the City. He'd got a finger in many pies, and each one brought him a lot of money. He'd married, and had a large family. The family grape vine said that his father had had to get him out of various scrapes before he married. There were some little Chrises around, born the wrong side of the blanket. We had met regularly over the years at family weddings and funerals. He was about two inches taller than me, so I was still his Little Cousin; but he'd put on quite a lot of weight, so in that respect I was glad I was still Little Cousin. "He came striding round the cottage. `I heard your car.' He stood with his arms wide open, and we gave each other hug. I was enveloped in an embrace redolent of expensive cigars, brandy and aftershave. `The family jungle drums have been throbbing,' he said. `I bet they have,' I said. `I feel guilty,' he said. `You feel guilty! How come?' I asked. `Well, little cousin, didn't I start you on your path, when I got into bed with you one Christmas down at Crippleshanks.' `Chris, don't be a chump. I was willing. There was something more involved. You've ended up straight, and I've ended up gay. There's no need for you to blame yourself in any way.' `I did wonder if you'd be blaming me. But I've really come down to show some support and solidarity. Blood's thicker than water, and so on. Family must stick together.' `Well, you're the only one,' I said. `I'm not surprised, Pen has been blackening your name, thick and fast,' he reported. `I bet she has.' `Is it true? A threesome, and one of the guys black?' `Yes, it is true.' `You old dog! Sounds great fun if you like it that way. I've had the odd threesome with a couple of fillies.' `You don't condemn?' I asked. `No way. Been in too many situations where to be found in flagrante delicto would have been disaster. I'm dying for a drink.' "We went inside, and I got him a whisky. I had a can of bitter. `I don't want to know the details of what happened,' said Chris, `but I do want to know if there is any thing I can do to help. Are you okay for money?' `No problem there,' I replied. `Thought so, but asked in case! Are there any matters that need to be settled between you and Pen?' `Yes, there are some financial matters, joint accounts and so on.?' `Have you made a will?' he asked. `Yes, the last one was made after my father died,' I replied. `Do you still want that to stand?' `Thanks Chris, hadn't thought of that.' `I am going to make a suggestion. Any correspondence between you and Pen needs to be seen by a lawyer. That wife of yours has turned venomous. I suggest that any letter you get from her you pass on to me. I have a tame solicitor and he would make sure of things for you.' `Thanks, Chris, you're really kind.' `We, Montgomery-Owens have to stick together. Just one further thing. You need to get a phone installed.' `I don't want a phone,' I said. `But I want to be able to phone you. Mail takes an age these days, especially to these outlandish parts. You needn't tell anyone else your number. I want to keep an eye on you, Little Cousin, and I can't keep popping down here to see how you are.' That was the business side of his visit. We spent the next couple of hours talking about the family. Then he asked me about my sexuality, so I told him much as I have told you. Yes, and I did tell him what had happened with Harry and Zach. He roared with laughter. `That'll teach you to lock the door when you are having fun with one or more of your boyfriends.' He was as good as his word. Rang me every week, and his solicitor dealt with the various matters that arose between Pen and me. From time to time he came down and stayed a night, he was very caring of me. His visits were oases in the period of my exile in Devon." "What about the rest of your family?" "I have never seen Pen or the girls. As I said, I hope that one day.....As for my brother and sister, we'd never been close. It has just been Christmas cards. I am not invited to any family functions. Chris tells me when a member of the family dies, and asks if I want to come to the funeral. I always decline. He says that he's going to insist that I come, if and when, one of his daughters marries. You can't let the bastards get you down for ever, he says. "Did you ever see Harry, or Zach again?" I asked. "No. Zach totally disappeared from the scene. I very quickly wrote to Harry, and told him that his name had not been revealed, and I gave him my address. He was mightily relieved, and had been worried by every phone call and knock on the door that it might be some ecclesiastical dignitary catching up with him. We corresponded for a short while, and then the intervals got longer, I think we last exchanged Christmas cards about seven or eight years ago." "So it was a hard time for you?" "Yes. The easy bit was recognising what I ought always to have known. That I am gay. My marriage was a mistake. I am sorry for the hurt I brought to Pen and the girls. The sorting out of myself as gay and Christian, was not easy. I read, as I reflected theologically on myself. Things in the minds have always been easier for me that matters of feeling, or of the heart. My biggest trouble was self pity. I think I wallowed in it. It is a terrible Slough of Despond to get into. And so hard to get out. I think Chris knew something was wrong. But he's such an extrovert that such feelings are totally foreign to him. "I got a dog and that was a help. It made me get out. I did a lot of walking, and did a lot of thinking at the same time. Exmoor and the coastal paths were not far away. I got to know that part of Devon exceedingly well. I reviewed all my old friendships, and wondered where they were now. Soames, probably a successful businessman. Bobby, ah Bobby, I would've loved to have met him again. Still would. Sam, probably back in India, with some young man or young men in tow. And Andre, I even thought about going over to France and looking him up. But that was just not on. Too much water had flowed under too many bridges to pick that friendship up again. The memory was rich, the present reality - no way worth the risk. So the two years of my solitary passed." "What about sex?" I asked. "I think I was, sort of, sexually stunned for a while after what had happened. It was about six weeks before I woke to a hard on. My memories fed my desires. I resorted to the usual method of immediate male relief. I thought about trying to meet with men with similar desires to my own. I even went out two or three times cruising where I thought there might be a pick up. But when I got there there was no attraction when I saw what was on offer. That was too cold blooded for me, sordid in some way. I just carried on, living alone, wanking quite frequently. I'd had enough experience as a youngster to feed my fantasies. Especially Bobby and Andre. Then Zach, I began to regret I'd never been able to take that relationship further. Oh, he was one lovely guy. Just thinking about him makes my cock twitch even today." I reached over and felt him, and yes, Archie's cock had more than a little hardness in it. We laughed. The good track that we had been walking along on the west side of Gunnerside Gill now did a turn. We sat on a rock from which we got a good view looking down on the small village of Gunnerside, and on down Swaledale. The sun was still shinning brightly as the afternoon wore on. Everywhere there was the sound of bleating sheep with the lambs gambolling around. Also there was the haunting cry of curlews, and we saw several of them with their long beaks that droop slightly at the end. We sat close together perched on the rock. I turned to Archie, "Sitting close to you like this makes me feel quite horny again." "Pity that it is so much in the open round here. And there is no where really secluded for the rest of the walk. We'll have to see what we can do about it. Horniness should be satisfied sooner rather than later." We gave each other a broad grin. We stood up, and continued on our way. The track we were on turned west to continue up the dale back towards Muker, we could see that there was a change coming in the weather. A band of clouds was beginning to come up from the west. "It looks as though we're in for a change in the weather," I remarked. "Yes. We should be able to get back to the cars before it starts raining." The track we were on cut down towards Dyke Heads. There we joined a metalled lane as it descended into the steep little valley of Shore Gill. "So how long was your exile in Devon?" I asked. "Nearly three years. I'd been down there for a couple of years when Chris came down on one of his visits. I called them his inspections. We always went out for a good, slap-up meal in the evening. He used to pass disparaging remarks about my culinary skills. Only the very best was good enough for our Christopher. We'd had our meal and were sitting in the lounge of the hotel, where we had eaten, drinking our coffees and brandies. There was no one else around. `Well, Little Cousin, you've been leading your hermit's existence down here for two years now. I have expected every time I have come down to find you shacked up with some exotic young man. But unless you put him in the linen basket whenever I come down here, you seem to be leading a life of the strictest propriety. Tell me, Arch, have you even touched a man since your little threesome in the Midlands two years ago?' With a completely straight face I replied, `Well Chris, I have shaken hands with you, and we usually hug each other when you arrive and depart.' `Little Cousin, you bloody well know what I mean!' We laughed. `No, Chris. I have led a very chaste life. I have been tempted. Even taken the first steps once or twice. But when it actually came to it, I didn't want to go ahead. I have just gone back to the cottage, had a stiff drink and gone to bed.' `I thought so,' he remarked. He sat there silent for a while. `You don't intend to stay here for the rest of your days do you?' `No, not really,' I replied. `What would you like to do? Do you want me to try and find some job you could do in the City? You could get yourself trained in some new skill. What about these new computer things? That's the up and coming area, I'm told.' `Do you know what I'd really like to do? You'll be surprised! I'd like to go back to doing what I was doing. But I think it is impossible after what I did,' I said. `What? After the way that shower treated you?' exploded Chris. `Chris, I know religion doesn't mean much to you. You find it all difficult to understand. You found it difficult enough when I was ordained. But I believe I was called by God. I still believe I was called by God. Deep down I think that call still stands. I don't think God has rescinded it.' Chris did not answer that. We sat in silence for some while, and he was very thoughtful. "It was four or five months later that I received a letter. Lettters for me were very few and far between, so the arrival of the postman was an unusual event. It was in a white envelope, so I knew it was not a bill, which were the usual things I received. It was on good paper. The postmark was fromYorkshire, I knew no one in that county, the Montgomery-Owens had never extended their tenticles north of the Trent. To us southerners it was a land of dark satanic mills. I opened it and read, Dear Mr Montgomery-Owen, Your cousin Christopher Montgomery-Owen was speaking with me in the Athenaeum the other day, and told me of your situation, and of your desire to return to full time ministry. If you are serious in wishing to get back into a parish, and providing, of course, that you can satisfy me over certain matters, I may be in a position to be able to offer you a living in this part of the country. If you wish to take this further could you meet me for lunch at the Athenaeum of Thursday and there followed details of date and time. It was signed by Quentin White, the suffragan bishop of a northern diocese. "I rang Chris and asked him what was happening. `Well,' he said, `Quentin and I were at the same school together. So I took it upon myself to ask him whether there was any possibility for a man in your situation,' `With my history, you mean,' I interrupted. `In your situation,' continued Chris, `to get back into parochial ministry. He said that he thought there might be.' `How much did you tell this bishop?' I asked. `Everything,' said Chris. `Everything?' `Yes everything, including that you were caught by your wife having a threesome with a couple of men.' I was silent. `He says that if kids had been involved there would have been no chance, at least not with him. But he thought he might be able to help. But my conversation with him was a good three months ago. I've seen you a couple of times since then. I didn't tell you what I'd done as I didn't want to raise your hopes.' We talked further, and Chris insisted that I came down to stay the night at Crippleshanks after my lunch with bishop Quentin." "So your return to parish work was engineered by the Public School network?" "Yes, even in this day and age the Old School Tie has it uses. I had to put the dog into kennels which was a bind. Bishop Quentin was a small rotund man, with rosy cheeks, who seemed to bounce around. Over lunch we talked through my upbringing, schools, university, and career as a clergyman. He asked some pertinent and searching questions. We retired for coffee to a quiet lounge, and there he asked me some more personal questions." "Such as?" "He told me that Chris had told him what had terminated my time at Scrumwood. He asked about my present marriage status. Which was separated but not divorced. He asked about the children, and I explained to him the difficulty. Even cards and birthday presents had been returned to me unopened. He asked if I had a partner? And also if there was anything in my present way of life that would cause difficulty or scandal if known in the parish. I said the only thing was what had happened two and a half years before, and the fact that I was separated from Pen. He asked me what sort of parish I would like to serve in. I said that the whole of my ministerial experience had been in deprived areas, and I would like to go back to that. He said that he had very few parishes in his patch that were like that. He ended by saying that he would see what he could do, but he had to make some consultations, and depending on getting agreement on those, it could be some time before something suitable turned up." "How did you feel about it?" "I was encouraged, but had to deal with myself and not raise my expectations. It was seven months before I heard from Bishop Quentin again. I recognised the envelope and tore it open. The letter read, Dear Archie, I am sorry that I have not been in contact with you before, but no suitable parish has become vacant. I am in a position to offer you a group rural parishes. If you are interested I would like to see you again before making the next move. "I wrote back and said that I would consider the parishes in question. So a fortnight later I travelled up to Yorkshire, and saw Bishop Quentin. He explained the parish set up, and ascertained that my personal situation had not changed since he'd last seen me. He asked if I could stay for a couple of nights in Yorkshire, to meet people in the parish, as a preliminary look, and if I and they were happy we could begin the formalities. I was happy. He asked me to wait in another room, while he made some phone calls. Ten minutes later he said that he'd arranged for me to see a Col Hiron that afternoon, and another key person the next morning. If they were happy, he would ask me to go and look round the parishes properly. `Hiron's a key figure, if he's happy, I think the rest'll be happy, if he is not, then we have problems,' said the Bishop. "Hiron was happy, and the long and short of it was that three months later Bishop Quentin instituted me into my present living." "And you were still not having it off with any men?" "My only sexual activity was on my own." "When did you meet Kevin.?" "Very early on I realised that there were a number of folk, some youngsters like Kev, and a group of adults, who wanted to be confirmed. So Kevin was in my first youngster's confirmation class. He was a short rather fat boy." "So he's told me. I find that hard to believe knowing him now." "He wasn't a particularly attractive boy. He was too eager to please. Rather ingratiating in many ways. I must confess that in those early years I found him rather tiresome." "How did you find working in the country after working in totally different parishes? "I had to learn a lot. But people are the same. Same needs, same opportunities. I enjoyed the different style of ministry. It was good to be back working again." "Sorry, my question stopped you telling me about Kevin." "During the last couple of years at school Kevin lost all that puppy fat, and shot up, as some boys do. Once he started work he changed very quickly. He became must more mature, and self confident. I think he enjoyed his work. It was something he could do, and do well. His family are church goers, and he continued to come to church. That was somewhat to my surprise, and I thought he was rather dominated by his forceful parents. But because we both had dogs we would frequently meet each other out with our dogs. Especially over a weekend. So we started talking a lot. He became an interesting young man. He started asking all sorts of questions on the Faith. Some of them made me think! He was good for me, showed me what a young person was thinking and asking." "Were you attracted to him?" "I know this will sound strange but I wasn't. I had known him as a dumpy school boy. Then he was obviously developing further interests. I thought there must be a girl in the background. When I met him and there was that special thing about him, I thought he must have had his first sexual experience with a girl. It never crossed my mind for a moment that it had been with another man. I had come to like him. I liked him a lot. I thought of him as something of a friend, though the age difference was too great for a real friendship. Or so I thought. No, I never for one moment thought he might be gay. I certainly never fantasized about him when I was tossing myself off. "So on that Saturday morning, when out with the dogs, and he told me he was gay, I was totally flabber-ghasted. I just didn't know what to say. I know I blurted out something. I know I didn't condemn, but I was afraid of revealing myself. Some how we walked on. What we talked about I don't know. I was in a turmoil. The next week was terrible. It was as though by becoming something of a friend Kevin had ducked under my guard. Then all sorts of reactions came into play. I wonderedwhat might happen if I came out to him. But I was too old for him. I was his vicar, in a position of trust. I knew his parents. What would happen if something happened and we were found out. Memories of that April day with Harry and Zach and Pen's screams kept coming into my mind. But Kev was such a wonderful young man. That body! I knew him and liked him, what would it be like to hold him, to kiss him, to fuck him. I could love him, but could he love me? Then where would it all lead? "I was totally mixed up. When he found me standing at the gate, I was praying. I had remembered those words that seemed to speak to me from Jeremiah. For I know the plans I have for you, says the Lord, plans for welfare and not for evil, to give you a future and a hope. I thought I'd seen them fulfilled in getting this parish up here in Yorkshire. I thought it too much to see that they could have any sexual fulfillment. Now everything seemed to have been thrown back into the melting pot. I think I was weeping. Crying not knowing what to do, which way to turn. I was in a terrible state. "Kevin came along and found me there. I tried to brush him off with some platitudes. Sunday was difficult. There was a part of me that wanted to rush up to him and put my arms round him and tell, I'm gay too. And another part of me, that wanted to run away. To avoid complications. To avoid getting in caught up into Scrumwood situations. I seemed to be going round and round in circles. "When Sunday evening came and I'd got back from Evensong in one of the churches, and I'd eaten my supper, I thought I was safe. Then the door bell went, and it was Kevin. He stood there looking so hurt. I almost didn't want to let him in. But he came in and asked what was wrong. I tried to avoid telling him. He thought he was to blame in some way, poor lad. He thought I was condemning him for his being gay. Phil, I even tried to send him packing. But seeing the look on his face, I couldn't. I had to tell him. We talked, I tried to put him off. I was too old for him. I was his vicar, it wouldn't be right. Do you know what the turning moment was? I was sitting there head in my hands, weeping again in my anguish. He came and knelt in front of me. He kissed me on the forehead. That special place where I was signed with the cross when I was baptised, the symbol of Christ's love. He in the same place a kiss of love was placed. I felt such love from Kevin. That simple kiss conveyed such deep, irresistible love. There was only one thing I could do. I had to respond, and reveal my love for him. I think, I put my arms around him. His arms came round me. It was a wonderful moment, Phil, to be held in the arms of a loving man, and to love him in return. It was as though I had rediscovered myself. It was as though the chains of the last few years had fallen off, and I was free. Free to love, and to be loved by another man. "Of course, one thing quickly led to another. I remembered to check that the front door was locked. We both climaxed on the mat in front of the fire. Then we just sat, or lay in each others arms afterwards. We talked a bit, and shared our intimacy together. It was a marvellous evening." "Did you feel guilty at all over it?" "No, Phil, I didn't. I thought, why not? If he can love me in that way, and I certainly love him in that way, why not? I had been able to see my sexual orientation as something given to me by God. I know that is regarded as a grave heresy but many in the Church. But I didn't choose to be gay. My orientation had caused me a great deal of pain over the years. It had caused pain to others, to Pen, and of course, to the girls, largely brought up without a father. I wouldn't have chosen that. Some would say I should have resisted and fought my desires, and not got involved with Harry. But you cannot deny what you are. I think the repression of my sexuality was the cause of those dreams, and was in any case leading to difficulties between Pen and myself. I think the supression of my true sexuality had been making me a hard, intolerant man. I think I was well on the road to becomming a bigot. But when Kevin came fully into my life on that Sunday evening there was no guilt, on the contrary I felt relief, joy. I felt fulfilled. "I couldn't wait to get close to Kev again. We were able to snatch a few days away together in secret, at Blackpool of all places. He is not into serious walking I'm afraid. He would not have enjoyed a walk like this. Just short strolls with the dog, is far enough for him. That time away at Blackpool enabled us to get to know each other, not just sexually, and there was a lot of sex, but as close friends. I wanted to know whether we could stand being together over a period of time. We just got closer. Then we managed to get a fortnight away together at the cottage. We went with his mother's encouragement and blessing. I dread to think what she would have thought had she known we spent most of the time at the cottage stark naked, barely able to keep our hands off each other. It was a marvellous time. Kevin is not just an extremely sexy young man, wanting it all the time. He is also a very affectionate man. He kept on saying just how much he loved me. `I love you more today than I did yesterday,' if he said that once he said it ten times. He was always showing his love, little gifts, and a lot of touching and kissing. When it came to the last day he was very subdued. I eventually got it out of him. `This has been such a wonderful two weeks,' he said, `And now it is back north, to the old routine.' I put my arms round him, `Kevin, my love there can be many more great times together. That's up to us. This time away is just a prelude.' I know that holiday changed me. I felt myself to be a whole man. I now know that if the balloon went up again as it did at Scrumwood, then we'd both move down to the cottage. I think that's what we'll do when I retire." "But what did you feel when Kevin met up with Colin?" "We had talked a lot about whether our relationship was to be closed or open. I knew I could remain faithful to Kevin. My only once off sexual experience had been with Zach, and we had been planning to meet up again. But I did not think it fair to try and bind a young virile young man like Kevin to me, with oaths of fidelity. I insisted that that door remained open for him. Whether he did or not was completely up to him. I only asked that he told me. "This he did. He was quite sheepish when he told me about his meeting with Colin. I must admit I was a bit upset when he told me. I feared that I was going to lose him. I sorted myself out faitrly quickly. I was certainly relieved when he told me who it was. I knew Colin, as I had taken his mother's funeral. Then fairly soon afterwards Tom came into the picture. It took a little while to accept fully, and feel comfortable with what was happening. I feared that Kevin's discovery of Colin and Tom might be a threat to the relationship between the two of us. I was happy about my relationship with Kevin. But it didn't suffer any way. Kevin and I saw each other as much as ever. Then he started trying to persuade me to come out to Colin and Tom and join them. I hesitated for a long while. I eventually took the plunge, and the rest is history as they say." We now walked back towards Muker. We crossed the Swale on a footbridge. Then as we walked over the last few fields towards Muker we felt the first few drops of rain. We hurried on, and got back to our vehicles just as the rain began to get heavy. We had to sit in our cars to change our boots. Archie led the way in his car down to Gunnerside. We parked our cars and then ran through the heavy rain to the pub. There was a warm fire blazing in the hearth. We sat in a corner at one of those small round tables that are more designed for drinking than eating. It was all rather cramped, but our legs were most comfortable when touching each other. I know I enjoyed the feel of Archie's hairy legs against mine. Over a pint of Theakston's bitter I had an excellent steak and kidney pie, while Archie tucked into some roast lamb. We both then had some rather indifferent mass produced cheesecake. We talked over several issues, politics, cricket and the issue of fox hunting. As we were drinking our coffees Archie leant across and whispered in my ear, `Are you still feeling horny?' I grinned back at him and nodded. `I think I know of somewhere that'll do,' he added. `The back of a car?' I asked. With an enigmatic smile on his face he slowly shook his head. He got up to pay the bill, and then disappeared into the loo. When he returned I went to the same place. It was still pouring with rain when we got outside, so we had to run back to the cars. Archie called out to me as we got in, `Just follow me.' I followed him for about half a mile down the valley, and the he turned off to the left up a rough track. He did not go far, for after about twenty yards, he turned off the track into an old quarry, with plenty of room for our two vehicles. Our cars were now completely hidden from the road by a small wood. He got out. "We won't need boots, but need our cagoules. It's not far." He led the way further up the track. We very quickly came to a gate leading into a field. In that part of the Dales nearly every field has its own barn. These are stone structures, and were sometimes used for keeping animals during the winter, but more often for storing hay from the field. Today there are more often available for sheep to shelter in when they choose to. Archie strode across to the barn. "Looks promising, the door's shut. Let hope it's not locked." It wasn't, and Archie led the way in. It was a typical farmyard door, in two halves. Archie closed the bottom half, and there was still sufficient light from the top half. The barn was dry and clean. There was still a quantity of the previous summer's hay in one corner. We both took off our cagoules and put them on the floor. We turned towards each other, and gave each other a good squeeze. Archie's hands ran down my back to my buttocks. He felt them and pulled me into him. We kissed, as my hands did the same. As we pressed together I began to feel his cock hard against me, and knew he must be conscious of mine. "I think we are both nice and horny," I said. "Yes, and no doubt the spunk-tanks have filled since we emptied them up beyond the waterfall" said Archie. He began to undo my shirt and I slipped it off. He nuzzled into my chest, licking and lip nipping my nipples. I removed his shirt, and we cuddled, hairy chest to hairy chest. I pushed a hand between us, and struggled to undo his belt. He pulled slightly away, and immediately I had the belt undone, and his zip down. I pushed his trousers down. "I think we should take everything off. It'll give us more freedom," I said. We both stripped off except for our socks. Archie plunged onto the pile of hay and turned to face me. I only wish I'd had a camera with me, to see him naked in the hay. I know Kevin would have enjoyed the photo. I joined him. It was a slow motion wrestling match, as hands, arms and legs entwined. Our mouths sought each other, as we kissed with mounting passion. Our cocks rubbed together whenever they could. This went on for a while with mounting fervour. When I was on my back, with Archie on top of me, he knelt astride my legs, and bent over and kissed the tip of my cock. He then put it in his mouth, and I felt him sucking, lubricating me thoroughly. Then he sat up, and crawled up me. He reached round and took hold of my cock, and placed it between the cheeks of his arse. He sat back on it, and to my amazement it slipped in quite easily. "You're prepared?" I said, with some surprise. "Yea. What do you think I was doing in the loo back at the pub?" We both laughed. I lay back, arms outstretched, enjoying the sensation of having my cock deep inside him. "That's good," he said. He sat there, squeezing and easing my cock with every available muscle. "A perfect ending to a perfect day." I said. "A fine walk, with a sexual interlude half way. Good company, with interesting talk. A good meal over a pint of best bitter. And now, two men together, doing what they like with each other, pleasuring and being pleasured." Archie lent forward for a prolonged bout of kissing. He reached behind and gently felt my balls. I took hold of his cock. "I want this inside me before we leave this barn," I said. "I shall empty the spunk bank for you," said Archie. Archie sat impaled on my cock, slowly stage by stage increasing my arousal. I ran my hards over his torso, and thighs, and felt his balls and his hard cock. When he sensed I was getting close to losing control, he would stop. "When did you learn all this?" I asked. "Andre?" "I did learn a great deal from Andre. As an older man, he taught me how extremely satisfying it was to climb to the summit slowly. `We've got plenty of time. Take it slowly. Enjoy every step, not just the last step,' he used to say. I taught Kevin, though I still think he has something to learn in that direction." "Impetuous youth!" We laughed. "We have taught each other a lot by trial and error. I've kept him quivering on the brink of the climax for an hour or so before now. He almost gets annoyed." "It's alright for him he can cum again in ten minutes, and does not lose his hard on in between." "What it is to be young!" sighed Archie. "And what it is to be older. I think I appreciate the richness and diversity of a relationship the more I get older. Small things that you often brush aside, or hasten pass, become more significant, more appreciated as you get older. When I was younger the sex would have been the most important part of the day. Now it is the icing on the cake. I have enjoyed meeting you, and getting to know you, as much as what we are doing now. I don't think I'd'ave said that as a teenager." I raised my head and pouted my lips. Our lips met, and our mouths opened. We kissed. Archie was in complete control. He looked me in the face with a slight question. I nodded. He began to move again. I lay back, and lost any control that I may've had. I sensed that my cock filled even more. My balls tingled. I felt my cum gush out into him. As my ejaculations decreased in power and frequency he gently rubbed his hands over my chest. My breathing eased back to normality. Archie continued to sit on my cock. I felt it move inside him. He felt it too and smiled. Still he sat, making sure my limp penis remained within him. I was too old to maintain any sort of an erection immediately after cuming like that. After about five minutes my penis slipped out, but still Archie knelt astride me. "It has been good to meet you, Phil, after hearing so much about you from Kev and the others. They all described you as a lovely man, lovely in every way. You are lovely, in the true understanding of that word, rooted in its first four letters." "You were something of a mystery man. They would mention this `Vic' but told me nothing about you. Then Kevin explained about your name, and told me about your relationship. Now I understand. I think the four of you have got something wonderful going." "Soon to be fully and properly five," interrupted Archie. "You have a lot to give us. They all kept saying, `We've got to have him as one of us.' Now I see why they said that, and heartily agree." He lay down alongside me, and our arms and legs were soon entwined. We kissed, and chatted. I slowly recovered from my orgasm, and knew what I wanted. I turned in Archie's arms and pressed my bum into his groin. I felt his cock harden again. He kissed the back of my neck, and whispered. "You now ready for the return match?" "Yes, but take it carefully, that tree trunk that sprouts from your loins is mighty thick." I crawled over to where my clothes lay, and retrieved a sachet of lubricant from one of the pockets. I had learnt the truth of the Boy Scout's motto, that whenever you are going to be with a Countrymen, Be Prepared! Archie found his source of lubricant, and as I carefully and liberally prepared myself, he did the same to his cock. "Go back to how we were a moment ago," ordered Archie. I turned my back to him and pushed my buttocks back into him. I soon felt his cock against the portals of my being. He was very gentle and slow. He maintained a steady pressure. For a while I thought nothing was going to give. Then I willed myself to relax. I knew I wanted him within me, with every fibre of my being. Then slowly I began to open. Suddenly he was through, and slowly the rest of his thick tool made its triumphant way into me. He clasped my body to him, to make sure that the maximum amount of his cock had penetrated as far as was possible. Archie is the master of gentleness and patience. Again we were along while, just enjoying each other. "I'm glad I had room for you," I said. "It seems a perfect fit to me," replied Archie. Slowly he began to increase his moves. I was determined to give him the best, and to enjoy him. I was not particularly wanting to cum myself. In our love making I became slightly face down, and he was more on top of me. Then I knew he was very close. I squeezed his cock as much as I was able. That triggered things for him, and set him off. I felt his cock pulse within me, and then the hot jets of love milk poured out into the depths of my being. He lay panting for breath. "Thank you, Phil. That was great! What a day!" What a day indeed! But it was not yet over. Eventually his cock grew flaccid. We faced each other with arms embracing, and we kissed. We prepared to depart. With reluctance we separated, and got dressed. We moved towards the door of the barn. It was still raining. The door faced west. The sky overhead was still dark with cloud, but in the west the sky was clearing. We both stood there, leaning on the half door watching the changing scene. The clouds were passing, but it was getting towards sunset. Then the sky in the west brightened, and the sun appeared. The whole landscape was bathed in the brightest light. What had seemed almost without colour now took on the most brilliant hues. The vivid greens of early summer, the grey dry stone walls stood out. In the distance the sun reflected of a wet farmhouse roof. We stood there watching. Our arms were round each other, from time to time giving the other's buttocks a fondle. Archie broke the silence. "Isn't that beautiful." "Though every prospect pleases, and only man is vile" "I didn't know you were into quoting hymns," said Archie. "I didn't even know it was a hymn." "Heber! One of the hymns we don't sing much today. It is regarded by many as politically incorrect. I was thinking of some words from one of those charismatic ditties, Thank you God for making me me." "Do you really believe that? Can you thank God for making you you, a gay man?" I asked. "I can now. For a long while I couldn't. But I can now. I think I am a better person, and even a better priest, having come to terms with my sexuality. One of the northern bishops, I think he is dead now, once said that the best priests in his diocese were homosexuals. [See footnote] I didn't choose to be gay. I certainly didn't deliberately choose that path. Where did it all come from? From upbringing? Maybe in part? Genes? Maybe, but that's still not proven. Something from my sojourn in my mother's womb, again, maybe. It may be something of all three. But I refuse to accept responsibility for the fundamental fact that I am gay. I am responsible for what I do with it. And I know am a happier, more fulfilled, person having chosen the path I have. And thank you for a wonderful day." We turned towards each other and kissed, long and deeply. When we left the barn the sun was shining right in the west, but to the east there were still dark heavy clouds, but there was wonderful double rainbow arching over the Dale. We held hands as we walked down to the cars. Notes:- The quote in the penultimate paragraph was made by Bishop Eric Tracey, Bishop of Wakefield 1968-76.