Date: Wed, 3 Feb 1999 19:31:22 EST
From: M
Subject: My Luke

When I was 15 I carried the weight of the world on my shoulders.  I knew
that I wanted to be a performer, I had talent, yet coming from a poor
family, It was security my mother wanted for me.  She had forbidden
pursuing studies in the arts.  In my heart the only thing that weighed
heavier than that desire was the thought that I might be "God forbid" a
deviant.  I liked cock.  I was broken to it at an early age.  I don't
remember my first cock, but I can recall being in kindergarten and putting
my cock in a buddy's ass.  I also remember that was not my first time.
Being from "redneck central," more popularly known as Oklahoma, I knew that
to be queer was just a shade worse that being a demon possessed serial
killer.

At 15, I had spent at least 10 years secretly sucking the dicks of the
school boys that openly shunned and laughed at me for my soft nature.  This
all culminated my freshman year of high school after being beaten into
sucking the cocks of the captain of the football team, and two of his
buddies, I was again beaten for sucking them.  The rumors around the school
were flying and my stepfather, a teacher there, simply admonished me for
embarrassing his position by not beating whomever it was back regardless of
who or why it was done.  I tried for the first time to commit suicide.  I
took pills that time.  Thought I would simply wake up in the fiery lakes of
Hell and have it over with.  Certainly it would be physically worse than
life, but there they would all know what I was and accept or reject me
based on truth, rather than some self conceived sense of righteousness.

Instead I woke up with a headache that threatened to blow my eyes out of
their sockets at the first person who put sound waves in my ears.  It was
48 hours later and my stepfather had not even noticed that I hadn't been
out of my room for 2 days.  My mother was working her 2 jobs and had no
idea that I was even there, let alone gone.  It was the low point in my
life to that moment.  On top of all that, I had been fired for missing
delivery of my paper route.  I was sitting alone in my house contemplating
a 2nd attempt, how to make it foolproof yet painless as possible, when I
heard a knock at the door.

There was a tall skinny kid with shoulder length sandy blond hair, and
piercing green eyes staring back "fish eyed" in my peep hole.  He looked to
be about 18 and I thought perhaps he was another in the long string of
young men that came to see my sister.  I opened the door.

"She ain't here" I said and closed the door.

I heard the kid laughing from the other side of the door.  Again he
knocked. I felt a little foolish, and a little pissed that he didn't get
the message.  With a deep breath, I once again opened the door.

"Look, she ain't here, I don't know when she'll be back, and furthermore I
don't give a flying fuck if she does come back.  If you're here to sell
something, we're broke.  And if you are here to save my soul, It's a lost
cause. Did I leave anything out?"  I paused, furious at his amused
expression.  "Well?"

"I came to pick up your newspaper bag and collection book.  I'm covering
the route while they find someone to take it over.  Name's Luke.  And as
for your sister she's cute, but not my type. You're on your own about your
soul." He said.

The expression in his eyes was somewhere between amused and devilish,
giving him the look of someone that in other circumstances might have been
sexy.  His body was too skinny though.  He stood about 6'3" and may have
been 150 pounds soaking wet.  He just stood there looking at me as if I had
three heads, It was then that I realized that regardless of the number I
may have possessed, there were at least two that he could see.  I was stark
naked.  I had removed my clothes two days ago and masturbated just before I
took the pills. After all, if a fella was gonna die, he should do it
feeling good.

"Just a sec," I told him, "Wanna come in while I find the bag?"

The Oklahoma sun had beaten the air until the great outdoors closely
resembled an oven, he came in tentatively and stood inside the door while I
went upstairs.  I pulled on a t-shirt and a pair of cut-offs before I came
downstairs with the bag.  He was still standing in the same spot that I had
left him.

"You know Jimmy (my now ex-boss) was really pissed when you pulled a no
show.  Said he didn't think you were the type to just blow off the job."
He said distractedly.

"Shit happens.  He was pretty pissed huh?  Guess there won't be any fixing
this."

"If you didn't want to quit, why did you pull a no show?"

"Not a lot of choice." I answered curtly.  I noticed the route list in his
hands, It looked to be an outdated one, rather than the ones that I had
been submitting for 8 months.  "Let me see that" I asked him.  He handed it
over.  Sure enough it was the list they had given me when I took over the
route.  It was out dated then, now it wasn't even close.  "you won't get
very far with that," I told him. The geriatrics will be on the phone with
the office before you even get the route done.

"Do you have a current list" he asked.

"Not here. They shouldn't blow off the ones I give them."

"Aw fuck.  That doesn't help me out a hell of a lot.  Tell you what, I'll
give you 20 bucks to teach me the route, you know ride with me and show me.
One time, 20 bucks.  What do you say?"

I considered throwing him out and letting the distribution office get
flooded with calls.  Would serve them right for not even calling to see if
I was still breathing before firing me.  But one of my biggest problems was
that I was too nice.  I wouldn't just tell someone to kiss my ass and stick
to my guns.  I would always relent, thus my 'wimpy' reputation.  All things
considered, I no longer had a job, and I needed the money.  I went.

Luke's car was an old beat up '67 Impala.  It resembled the remnants of a
demolition derby.  I think in hindsight, because the car was not
ostentatious, and it was just cool that he had a car I was still impressed.
We talked while I told him which houses got the paper.  He was easy to talk
to.  I don't know why, but with him being a stranger whose opinions I
didn't care for, and the thought that I would in all probability never see
him again, allowed me to tell him things that I would have never told
anyone else.  I carefully skirted the fact that I was gay, but told him
about the feeling of being a non-person and that I hadn't shown up because
I had taken a handful of pills.  He listened and never pushed the issues,
nor did he seem judgmental in his responses.  He just seemed to understand
that sometimes things just got to be too much.  When we finished the route
he pulled into a drive-in restaurant and ordered us a couple of cokes.  We
sat in silence and just swam in our own seas of thought.  Finally he spoke.

"You know, If you don't mind my opinion, It sounds like you just need
someone to talk to."  He said quietly.  "I get in some pretty dark moods,
and it helps."  After a long pause he said as if none of this had occurred,
"I'm going to the Red Apple, they got an arcade in the back.  You're
welcome if you want to go."

I liked the way he didn't push me away from him, yet didn't want to 'save'
me either.  We went to the arcade.  I took out a lot of aggression on the
video games and before I knew what was happening, we were laughing and
talking about a whirlwind of subjects from school, to my slutty sister (who
was dating his 'arch enemy' I found out), to just about everything.  It was
strange, I was not really attracted to him, yet I liked him very much.  It
was my first real friend.  We stayed out until 9:00 that night just hanging
out and goofing off.  When he took me home, the last thing on my mind was
taking another handful of pills.

We became friends.  He would come over and hang out with me just to hang
out.  He said I made him laugh because I was always so serious about
things.  I figured he must have heard the rumors about me and I was just
waiting for him to drop his pants and demand a head job.  It was however
going to have to be his idea, I had decided.  I was grateful for the
attentions of this "older man" that had become my friend, yet I asked
myself each time that he left my house if this would be the last time that
I saw him.  One day he picked me up from school.  I didn't know it at the
time, but he had heard the jocks talking about going out and 'kickin a
little ass,' when my name came up as someone it was always fun to hurt.
Luke cut his last class to get over to the Mid-High school and get me out
of there.  He told me that he just missed me.  He was in his senior year
and would be joining the Navy at the end of the semester.  Inside I dreaded
the time that he would leave me.  I had never know a man that wanted only
to be my friend and yet treated me kindly and with love.

One night we went out to the lake to talk and watch the water.  We sat in
"bluebarely," the name we had given his car, and we talked about his
impending career.  He had decided to join the Navy to find his natural
father.  The only things he knew about the man were his name and that he
had been an officer on a carrier.  The sadness in his voice as he talked of
his father was adding to the heavy feeling in my heart over his leaving.
When we were about as down as we would allow ourselves to go, he said that
he had enough of this and we were going swimming.  I protested that we had
no suits and the beach was closed, but he wouldn't hear any of it.  He
stripped off and ran for the water.  I saw his cock for just a second as he
dropped his clothes on the hood of the car.  I stood there shocked for a
moment and just watched his naked butt as he splashed around in the water.
Reluctantly I joined him, I however kept on my underwear as a last vestige
of modesty.

We were splashing around and having such a good time that we didn't even
notice the park ranger as he parked next to the car and walked down the
beach.  As his spotlight hit us we for the first time noticed that we were
not alone.  I for the first time noticed that Luke's cock was hard.

"Come on out of there boys" the ranger ordered.  We froze.  "I said come
out NOW!" the man barked.  "I know better than to ask if you have any Id on
you now, do you have any in the car?"

We both headed toward him.  Me trying to hide my semi erect cock, and Luke,
his cock swinging free as a breeze and pointing at the man's chest.  I had
never really allowed myself to think much about Luke's cock.  It was nice,
about 8 and a half inches and a nice thick shaft.  The head of his cock
looked like the cone of a missile. His balls, were large and remarkably
furry.  It was a nice picture. I couldn't believe that a guy that skinny
had such a huge cock.  I guess the ranger noticed me noticing his dick.

"So you two boys out for a little play time.  You know this area is
closed."  He growled.  His light shone into my eyes and down my body then
over to Luke's in the same pattern.  "You faggots never learn do you. You
can't do that sort of thing out in the open here.  I don't care what you do
at home, it's not my business, but don't bring that shit to my door."

Luke looked a bit perplexed, it was as if he didn't understand.  I, on the
other hand, knew what the man was getting at. It was amazing, at this
moment I wanted nothing more than to do what we were accused of, yet I
hadn't gotten the chance to even do it!  And it had not really crossed my
mind until we were standing there accused!  Slowly a picture formed in
Luke's mind, he busted out laughing; not a good idea.  The ranger at first
was taken aback at this reaction, but then he became angry at Luke's
impudence.

"What the fuck is so funny boy!"  Luke just laughed, doubled up and fell to
the ground. "Get up!  Now!" the man barked.  Luke tried to control his fit
of laughing and between gasps sputtered.  "We aren't queer, we was just
trying to cool off."

The man grabbed him by his arm and pulled him upright.  "So you don't go
for that homo stuff, huh, Then why is your wanker puffed up and your little
buddy unable take his eyes off of it."  Luke looked at me.  I could see the
anger in his eyes welling up and threatening to boil over.  I had never
seen him like this. "If I was queer, fucker, it ain't your business.  We
were only swimming and if you want to take us in for that then fine.  If
not then we'll leave, either way keep your fuckin redneck hole shut."

The ranger moved quickly, in what was a blur he clubbed Luke in the mouth
with his flashlight.  Luke lay on the ground with blood coming out of his
lip.  A shocked look on his face.  I was frozen in shock.  The ranger
grabbed me by the hair at the back of my head. "Buddy says you ain't no
queer.  Get down there and show him that he's wrong."  With that he kicked
my feet out from under me and I fell on Luke's body with my head at his
crotch.

"Suck him, boy"

I looked into Luke's dazed eyes.  There were tears welling up in them.  I
looked at the ranger.

"Suck his cock," I said.

I looked down at Luke's dick. It had lost little of its rigidity. Again I
looked into his eyes.  There was not anger anymore, just a touch of sadness
as he knew that I was going to suck his dick and had no choice.  There was
also something else.  Lust, I could see that he wanted me to do it more
than just about anything else.  I opened my mouth and licked the tip of his
cock.  His breath caught.  I looked at him again.

"Suck it faggot" The ranger said in a low growl.

I took the head into my mouth.  The ranger simply disappeared.  The lake
simply disappeared.  The world too was gone and in it's place was only this
man, his cock and me.  I slid my lips around the head and went halfway down
to the root of his dick.  He moaned.  I came up and down slowly a couple of
times and then sank his meat in my throat.  I felt his big nuts on my chin
as I ground my nose into the coarse damp hair that surrounded his cock.  In
and out.  In and out.  I sucked his cock like a hungry calf tasting his
first sip of mother's milk.

I looked up at one point and Luke's eyes were closed.  Looking over at the
ranger I saw that he was rubbing a huge bulge that ran down the length of
his thigh.  He had a glazed look about him as his other hand reached up and
squeezed his nipple.  Luke moaned and I looked back to him.  There were
tears running out of his eyes with a look that said "I'm so sorry" yet his
body urged me to keep sucking his cock.  He grabbed, almost involuntarily,
the back of my head and started fucking my face.

The ranger again grabbed the back of my hair and lifted my off of Luke's
dick.  He ground my face into his own crotch.  I rubbed my teeth against
the hard dick beneath the uniform.  He opened his zipper and undid his
belt.  I reached in and pulled out a rock hard dick that was not as large
as the one I was just sucking.  His pubic hair was incredibly thick and
tufts of it ran almost up the dark shaft.  For the first time I looked at
the face of the ranger.  He was beautiful.  He had a dark Italian
swarthiness, black hair and dark brown eyes that looked at you to the
bottom of your soul.  I cupped his man sized balls in my hand and took his
dick to the root.  He groaned and dropped his flashlight.  He grabbed the
back of my head and ground his crotch into my nose.

I heard Luke get up and felt the ranger pull him next to us.  Luke's cock
slid against my ear.  I looked up and saw Luke and the ranger kissing
passionately. I sucked the ranger's cock like a vacuum cleaner, sliding up
and down and increasing the suction with each plunge.  He pulled me off of
his cock and pushed me into Luke's ball sack.  I sucked one of the furry
things into my mouth.

The ranger knelt down behind me and ripped off my underwear.  I continued
sucking Luke and felt the ranger's hot breath on my ass.  I had never been
rimmed before, It felt like someone had hooked up a 220 volt electrical
current to my ass as his tongue began licking my asshole.  I wrapped my
arms around Luke's lithe body and grabbed his small hard ass.  He was
furiously fucking my face.  His fingers tangled in the hair at the sides of
my head.  I felt the ranger slide a finger into my ass.  I had been fucked
before, but it was not one of my favorite things.  The boys that had been
back there had barely taken time to spit on their dicks before shoving them
into my ass.  I marveled at how wonderful it felt having this man's fingers
sliding in and out of my fuck hole.  He reached around and grabbed my cock.
I almost came right there.  He pulled my ass back and I felt his hot rod
against my crack.  Luke started to protest, but I squeezed his ass and he
stopped short.

The ranger slowly entered my chute.  I tensed and he whispered "It's all
right pussy boy, I ain't gonna hurt ya." with that he grabbed my shoulders
and slid his cock deep into my ass.  I groaned in ecstasy.  I guess that
Luke thought it was in pain.  He mouthed the words "I'm so sorry" to me.  I
just went back to sucking his cock.  He slowly got into it, as the ranger
humped my ass like a madman.  His hands gripped my shoulders with
increasing pressure, I knew that he was going to cum.  He slammed his rod
into me with a thundering powerful pace.  I in turn sucked the cock in my
mouth with increasing intensity.

Suddenly Luke began squeezing my head as if he wanted to crush it.  I felt
his body tense.  His cock started spewing cum into my mouth.  I relished
the sweet taste of it as he shot stream after stream into my hungry
mouth. His hands were twisting my head and his cock slipped out of my mouth
for a second.  A blob of cum shot over my shoulder onto my back.  The
ranger moaned loudly and buried his dick deep into my bowels.  I felt his
cock tense and the flood of cum washing the inner walls of my rectum.  My
own cock had already shot once, gotten hard and was blowing cum again.
Luke laid back on the rocky ground.  I collapsed against him.

The ranger removed his cock from my ass, wiped it with the remnants of my
shredded shorts and pulled up his pants.  "Not queer huh?" he laughed.  "If
I catch you two back here again, You can expect more of the same."  He
walked back to his truck. Some threat!!

I lay quietly on Luke for a few minutes and I noticed that he was again
breathing heavily.  I looked at his face and there were tears running down
his cheeks.

"I am so sorry man, I never meant for you to get hurt."  He sobbed.
"There's nothing we can do about him.  If we go to the police they wouldn't
believe us."

"Luke, It's okay" I said softly

"No, and I am so sorry that he made you do that to me.  I wanted you to, Ya
know, I guess deep down I must have wanted you to do it."

"Luke, It's okay, really" I said.  "I wanted to do it.  More than anything
else in the world I wanted to.  I guess I just thought that you would hate
me if you knew."

"Hate you? I love you. Don't you understand that? I love you."

We lay like that for what seemed like an eternity.  Then we heard a car
coming up the road.  We hurried into the trees where we could not be seen.
It was the ranger again.  He just drove by the car and turned around and
sped off.  We quickly dressed and left the park.

Luke and I became lovers for the rest of the school year.  I cried when he
graduated, because I knew that he would be gone soon.  We had gone back to
the park a couple of times to look for the ranger, but we never saw him
again.  We lost touch shortly after Luke left the Navy. I have grown up and
moved on.  I work as a singer in a nightclub now, I learned from him not
only the art of loving another man, I learned the art of loving myself. I
guess I somehow he'd saved my soul after all.