And We Struggle On... - 3

Written by Jonny Mac

Warning: This is a fictional story, describing erotic relations between consenting adult men. If this makes you uncomfortable, or if it is illegal for you to read something like this, then go find something else to do.

The following story is entirely a work of fiction, and is not intended to imply anything about any real people. All of the characters in the story are fictional, and must not be confused with any real people. The characters in this story may have the same names as some real people, but the characters are in no way supposed to actually represent any real people.

A word from the Mac: Ok, Time to step it to a higher gear.

-Jonny Mac
ICQ: 27497085
AIM: Intelevore

…Holding him in my arms, I couldn't help but think 'if Jeff is in this kind of emotional state, we are all in for trouble… Utopia is in danger again.' Very serious danger indeed…


Chapter 3: Always and Forever


"Alright Randy, what do you do now?"

"Huh? What?"

"Jesus Randy, snap out of it! What do we do now?"

"Honestly Wil, I don't know."

"Well you'd better get an idea. You're running the planet now. This is not the time for indecision."

"Damn it Wil, I know that!" Randy walked around the desk in his office in the Ottawa headquarters, running his fingers through his hair. "Ok, let's start by recapping the past seventeen hours, starting from Jeff's audio announcement."

I sighed heavily and sat up in my chair. I honestly didn't want to remember any of this, but Randy was Commissar and I'm head of the Majistrate staff: I have to get the ball rolling.

"Ok, Jeff made the world-wide announcement that he was still alive, still in power, and that we were his new staff."

"Right, and I had the Terran Guard force positioned around this place."

"Austin's radicalists strike three hours later. They rush the guards, but get pushed back."

"Yes. That brings us up to eight hours ago. We leave the hospital and fly to Ottawa to assess the damage and reclaim our office so to speak. Three hours ago, Austin and three of his followers sneak into HQ by way of the emergency underground escape tunnels. They kill ten guards and Jeff before we finally get them."

"Jeff isn't dead," I scream at him. He stops pacing and looks at me. "You know as well as I do that Jeff is not dead!" Randy sat on the corner of his desk nearest me.

"Wil… you heard the doctor, it doesn't look good. When they rushed him to the hospital he was not expected to survive the ride in the ambulance."

"But he did!"

"Barely! They had to use electro-stimulus three times. I know this is extremely hard for you Wil, but we both know the extent of his injuries. Austin's shot collapsed his right lung, ricocheted off a vertebrae and grazed his heart before exiting his body. Medical science is good, but with those injuries and that kind of blood loss - "

"Shut up! Just shut the fuck up!" I had jumped out of my chair and stood in front of Randy, hovering over him threateningly. "What is exteremly hard for me is the fact that you forbid me - you had the balls to forbid me - to go to the hospital with Jeff!"

"We had things that needed to be done!"

"Ha! Like what? You've already ordered the tunnels sealed and Austin is no longer a threat. There's nothing I need to be here for. The man I love was taken away and I have to stay here!"

"You have a duty to the fucking planet!" We became silent, staring each other down. "I know… you don't have the same top goal as me Wil. The planet's well-being doesn't mean as much to you as Jeff did, but - "

"As Jeff does, not did. Why can't you get it through your thick skull: Jeff… is not… dead! Why do you want him dead so badly?"

"I don't!"

"Yeah… yeah, yeah you do. When Austin shot Jeff, you pulled me back. You tried to get me to run, you wouldn't let me go help him."

"Austin would have killed you!"

"He was standing over Jeff with a gun pointed at him. If - "

"If you had gone back he would have been standing over both of you."

"If you hadn't pulled me away so fast, I could have stopped him from getting anywhere near Jeff. Or have you forgotten who put the bullet in Tanner Austin's head? He wouldn't have killed me because I would have shot him before he had the chance. You didn't know I had that gun on me, did you Randy?"

"No, how could I?"

"That's right, how could you? And tell me... what was with waiting so long before calling for an ambulance?" Randy started getting fidgety, almost paranoid.

"I, uh… I had to make sure the threat had been eliminated."

"And signaling for an ambulance would have cost valuable time. You would have been negligent in your new duties, right?"


"Bull shit! Austin didn't finish the job, so you hoped if you waited long enough Jeff would die never reaching the hospital."

"How dare you! I was his friend, his best man!"

"Yesssss… you were his best man. And you also set up our honeymoon. You planned everything didn't you? Austin knew we were in the desert, 'cause you told him."


"Yes! You hoped the first explosion would kill us. The second would take out HQ and the Majistrate staff, leaving Austin to take control here in Ottawa."

"That's idiotic! What would I get out of that?"

"Ahhhh, here's where you and Austin had different plans. When he went to Ottawa you were going to have him ambushed, just as Jeff did. Austin dies - making him a martyr, great for his cause - and you get power seeing as how you are the highest-ranking government official. It all makes perfect sense to me now."

Randy stared at me for a few seconds before laughing. I backed away from him, just to be safe.

"Bravo William. You should have been in charge, not Jeff. You're obviously much smarter than he is, uh, was. You were wrong about one thing though."


"I wouldn't have been the highest-ranking government official left, I would have been the only government official left. You see, by working with Austin I knew exactly where all his people were hiding. The first thing I would have done when I took power was destroy his remaining forces. I would have restored Utopia! The people would love me and suspect nothing."

"You bastard!" I backed away from him another ten feet. "Tell me one more thing. Did you know Austin was going to use those tunnels?"

"Now that I didn't know. I had no idea what I was going to do when Jeff drove Austin's forces back. But it has turned out very nicely for me afterall, heheheheheheh."

"You are right you know."

"About what?"

"You were Jeff's friend. But there are a few things that you forgot." I undid my jacket.

"Oh really? Do tell."

"I'm still his husband, and I'm not on your side. And you forgot that I still have my gun." I pulled a gun from the holster on my left side and pointed it straight at Randy's head. He put his hands out in front of him, palms forward.

"Hold on William. You're not that kind of person. You don't want to kill me." He was almost begging me.

In a steady, calm voice I replied, "I killed Austin, didn't I?"

"He was going to kill Jeff, that's a different situation. You can't kill me. Please Wil!" Now he was begging. I pulled the hammer back into position and took aim.

"It's not different at all Randy." I began to squeeze the trigger. Randy closed his eyes and started to whimper. I quickly shifted my arm up and to the right and fired. Randy yelled.

"But, you're right… I'm not going to kill you." He opened his eyes and turned to look at the spot where I still had the gun pointed. There on the wall hung the staff Holo-photo. Standing next to Jeff was Randy: a bullet hole where his head should be. I lowered the gun as the guards rushed through the door, weapons at the ready.

"Weapons down, gentlemen." They looked back and forth at each other. "I said, weapons down, gentlemen." After a few more quick glances they complied.

"I'm placing this man under arrest for planning the murder of one hundred eight people, including the Majistrate staff, and for planning the attempted murder of the Grand Commissar and I." I looked at the guards and they were looking back and forth at Randy and myself. "I said arrest him!" They immediately walked over to him and pulled him to his feet. Pulling his arms behind his back they placed restraints on his wrists.

"You might as well charge me with assassination of the Grand Commissar while you're at it. You know as well as I do Wil that Jeff is dead!"

"Get him out of here!" The guards dragged Randy out of the room and shut the door.

I walked around the desk and sat back in the chair. I picked up the nameplate on the desk and ran my fingers over the letters: J E F F R E Y T A Y L O R. For five minutes I sat there, just repeatedly running my fingers over the nameplate. Suddenly it dawned on me: I found myself realizing that Randy was right. I knew that he had been saying what I couldn't admit to myself. I was still sitting here instead of going to the hospital… because I knew Jeff was dead.

After all we had been through - the genocide war, the bombings, and then reclaiming power - I had lost him: I was alone. I started to cry, letting the tears fall freely.

"I love you Jeff." I began to shake and dropped the nameplate. It hit the floor with a clink. I rested my head face down in my arms on the desk. My body shook as I sobbed uncontrollably.

I was now in charge of the whole world and the only person in it I loved was not there with me anymore. "What the fuck do I do now," I asked myself weakly.

I awoke to a knock at the door. I raised my head and rubbed at my eyes. The clock on the wall said it was ten. Apparently I had been so tired and stressed that I cried myself to sleep about twenty minutes ago.

There was another knock at the door. "Mr. Littrell?" It was a female voice I did not recognize. I ignored her. I knew what she wanted. I was being called to go handle some stupid duty as Commissar. Grand Commissar… a title I didn't want to hear again and a job I did not want nor was I going to take. I didn't want to do anything… not without Jeff.There was another knock at the door. I ignored it again.

"Mr. Littrell, the hospital just called. The doctor is looking for you. It's concerning your husband."

Probably want to know what I want done with the body. I stood and walked to the door. This was something that I was going to have to deal with.

I opened the door and stared at the woman standing in front of me. She was about 5'6" tall with light brown, shoulder length hair, hazel eyes, and was very thin.

"Oh my god sir, you look terrible." Her concern seemed genuine, but I didn't care for it.

"What about my husband," I snapped. She looked at her watch.

"The, uh, the doctor just called and said he woke up about fifteen minutes ago and immediately called your name."

Wait a minute… did I hear her right? "What?"

"Commissar Taylor, I mean, Jeffrey is asking for you."

My mind snapped to a state of alertness. Jeff is alive! And he needs me! I ran past her without so much as a thank you and headed down the main hall and out the doors.

"Where is he?" I grabbed the first doctor I saw after walking into the hospital.

"What? Who?"

"Where is he? Where's Jeff?"

"I'm sorry, I don't know who you're talking about. You need to go to the receptionist's desk down that corridor." I was about to start screaming at this poor confused doctor when a nurse walked up and tapped me on the shoulder. I snapped my head in her direction causing he to jump at my sudden movement.

"Are… are you Mr. Littrell?"

"Yes I am. Can you tell me where Jeff is?"

"He's on the third floor. Just go down that corridor to get to the elevator. There's someone waiting for you on the third."

"Thank you. Thank you, thank you, thank you." I stepped out around here and ran down the corridor she indicated towards the elevator. Behind me, the doctor and nurse were standing where I had left them.

"Why is it the cute ones are always gay," said the nurse to no one in particular.


"Well look at him. Beautiful deep blue eyes, light brown hair, nice lean body, and one hell of a butt." She sighed. "It's just too bad he's gay."

"Well… I'm not gay," said the doctor beside her, doing his best to look charming.

"Like I said… the cute ones are always gay." She walked away leaving a dejected doctor standing alone.

"Mr. Littrell, over here." I stepped off the elevator and ran to where the doctor who had called for me was standing. He was in front of a door with a guard posted on either side, just as I had requested for Jeff's room.

"How is he doc? Can I see him?"

"Whoa," he said, "slow down for a second. Before you go in I need to tell you a few things."

I began to panic. I had this deep fear that something was wrong. "What? He's going to live right? Please tell me he's going to live."

"Yes, yes he's going to live." A wave of relief swept over me. I resumed breathing, not having realized that I had stopped. "But his recovery will take time. The bullet did a lot of damage to his body. I've managed to fix most of it, but his lung will take a while to fully heal. This means that when we release him, which I figure will be in about two weeks, he cannot partake in any overly physical activity."

"Ok, I understand. I'll keep him from spending too much time at work."

"That's a start, but I was thinking of something more."

"Like what?"

"He's not to get any exercise for at least two or three weeks. No running, long distance walking, sport, or extended periods of being awake for that matter. And definetly no sex for at least three weeks. There can be no ignoring that one.

No… sex." No sex? Shit, on the drive over here I kept having the thought that I was going to give him the best blowjob I've ever given him the second I walked into his room. But if it's what Jeff needs to recover then he, no, we get no sex for three weeks. "No sex. For at least three weeks."

"Very good. You may go in now, but try not to stay too long, he does need his rest."

"Thank you doctor." I pushed the door open just wide enough to step through and walked in.

The lights were dimmed so that Jeff would find it easier to sleep. There were needles and tubes and wires all over him, injecting this and monitoring that. I walked over and stood beside him. He was asleep. They never had him on a respirator, which was a good sign. I smiled as I recalled how Jeff always had been a fighter.

He looked so pale. There was no color in his cheeks as I was so used to seeing. Dark circles outlined his eyes. I sat on the chair beside the bed and gently took Jeff's hand in mine. His blood level must still be low because his hand felt a few degrees too cold.

I was overcome with the sudden realization of how close I had come to loosing him. I lowered my head and began to cry, the tears staining my face for the second time today.

"Please baby… don't cry." I looked up to see Jeff looking at me. Even his bright baby blues seemed pale… eyes that are normally so bright and vibrant.

"Sorry if I woke you."

"S'ok. Besides… I've been… waiting for… you." Jeff was speaking between quick, shallow breaths.

"I'm sorry I'm late. I had some business to take care of with Randy… you now how he is: business first, life later."

"Randy. How is he… doing?"

"No business. You are on a strict and total leave from work for the next three weeks and right now, Randy is business." I couldn't bring myself to tell him about Randy. Jeff didn't need that to deal with.


"Dead Jeff."

"You killed…?"

"Yeah. Hey, I said no work, and that's work. Let's talk about us now." Jeff nodded his head in agreement.

"I… love you William… Bradly Littrell."

"I love you too, Jeffrey Daniel Taylor." I stared into Jeff's eyes and lost it. I started crying again and no matter how hard I tried, I couldn't stop.


"I'm sorry Jeff. I don't mean to cry like this but… damn it, I was so scared I had lost you. I don't know what I would do without you. You are everything to me, and I don't want to lose you…" I trailed off, sobbing heavily.

"Sshhhh… shhhhh." Jeff squeezed my hand as best he could. Even in his weakened state, he still had the strength to calm me down. It took me a little while, but I finally stopped crying.

"Promise me… something?"

"Heh, anything for you babe."

"I don't want… to lose you either. Promise me… we will always be… together." I saw a tear run down his face.

"I promise Jeff." I leaned in and kissed the tear from his cheek, and ran the fingers of my free hand through his hair. "Always and forever."

To be continued....