I walk into Apollo's house. It's more like a mansion. It isn't the same apartment that he had with Lloyd. He's upgraded dramatically. Some of his staff are gathered at the bottom of the stairs. They welcome me in the house. I don't smile at them. I know it's not their fault I'm in this predicament but I can't bring myself to smile. Not today.
My entire world was turned upside down. Smiling was the last thing I could do.
"All of your things have been brought here according to your request," one of Apollo's servants states, "Is there anything else you need done sir?"
I'm not used to this. I had Whistler who was still at my side but I didn't have any servants. The only thing I had was that waiter that Ryder broke. Thinking about Ryder breaking that robot when we just met kind of makes me want to smile a little bit. The idea of Ryder is the only thing keeping me kicking right now. It's the only thing keeping me alive.
"No," I respond bluntly.
"Please give us some privacy," Apollo tells them.
Apollo descends the steps. His home is modern, the stairs are made of glass, and the chandelier is made out of neon lights. There is a luxury and sophistication about the home. It's everything that I imagined Apollo would have had. It just says Apollo.
He approaches me. I'm standing at the door. Sure enough all of my things have been brought to his apartment. I had the rest of my property sold. Apollo was my new husband. I probably wouldn't need anything from my condo any longer. He walks up to me, way too close and all of those memories comes back to me. I feel so sick to my stomach.
"I'm sorry about Lloyd," he tells me.
He can probably see
the sadness on my face. It's been a few days that Lloyd was killed
off. Sure enough I was married off to Apollo soon after. It's the
weekend now. A week ago I was with Ryder. A week ago I was in a
marriage that had love in it. This marriage had none. It was dead
before it started.
I don't look Apollo back in the eyes.
"Ok," I respond.
I am as cold as ever. Truth is it's tearing me up inside that Lloyd is dead. Simeon got away. The news says that he used hostages and probably had help. What they don't say is that the Aquarian police let him go. I didn't see it but I know it in my bones. After Simeon killed Lloyd they let him leave that place untouched. He wasn't done killing for the High Liberty. It wasn't his time to be arrested. They had to make everyone so afraid of the Scorpios. They had to make everyone run to the High Liberty hoping that he would save them from the Scorpios who rebelled against the system killing randomly. What the news didn't say was that these deaths weren't random.
Lloyd was on the High Liberty's kill list. He was on there because he was going to vote to convict Apollo. He was a threat to the system because of his loyalty to me.
I fight back the tears.
"Come here. Come here I got you..." Apollo says.
He walks up to me attempting to HUG me! I'm shocked. I push away from him at that moment. I push away as hard as I can. I run up against Whistler. Whistler pushes me back towards Apollo. I don't imagine it. The bitch actually pushes me back towards Apollo.
He doesn't touch me again but the one touch makes me sick to my stomach. He stands closely.
"Listen. About our misunderstanding at the movie theaters that day," Apollo starts.
"Misunderstanding? You mean rape?"
Apollo stops talking. Maybe I'm too blunt for him right now. Maybe I'm too obvious. I know I shouldn't be talking like this especially in front of Whistler but I can't help it. I'm so pissed that I'm shaking right now. I want to attack him. I want to kill him.
Apollo smirks at me at that moment. It's that confident smirk that he gave me when he was arrested. He knows he's untouchable because of who he is in the system. He's loyal to the High Liberty and the system. The system would protect those loyal to it.
"Misunderstanding," he corrects me, "I apologize for my part and I forgive you."
"OH! OH you forgive me?" I ask, shocked at the audacity he has.
"Yes. I forgive you for your part. It's not every day I spend time in jail for making love to a man who is now my husband. It was unfortunate but lets bygones be bygones. What do you say?"
He smiles. Apollo is dead serious. He thinks he can just flash me a smile and everything will be OK. Just like that. He thinks he can just do that and things would fix themselves.
"You've been privileged your entire life haven't you? I get it. I've been privileged as well. And it isn't until you see the other side that someone can realize just how stupid you sound right now."
Apollo raises his eyebrows. I've never spoken to him like this before. He's shocked.
"Stupid?" he asks me.
I don't think he's used to people talking to him like that, especially now that he's in a position of power.
"Stupid. I don't give a fuck if I'm forced into this relationship with you. I know the High Liberty won't grant me a divorce. I know it. Otherwise I'd RUN get one. You're a fucking idiot, especially if you think things are just going to go back to normal between the two of us. So yeah. You're stupid. You are the definition of stupid."
His cocky little smirk gets wider, "Stupid huh? Funny. How much more money does this stupid guy make compared to your ex-husband?"
"You think that makes me special."
"I know that makes him NOT special," he laughs and grunts a little in a mocking way, "And the fact that you actually liked him is horrible. I'm going to need you to take a couple of showers tonight to wash off that dirty Ram."
He's getting under my skin. He's smirking the whole time he's talking. That is what really pisses me off more than anything. I'm talking to him seriously and he thinks this is all a joke. His smile is getting wider the angrier I get. He's mocking me with it. He thinks I'm a joke.
"Ryder was twice the man you ever will be. I wish I was still married to him," I explain to Apollo and slow down my speech so he can really understand, "Your dick didn't even hurt when you VIOLATED me. I was screaming because I was disgusted. You know what? You want to know something else? Apollo. Every time he fucked me I screamed. I moaned because his dick is so big. It's so good. I can still feel it now. Fuck me, Ryder, I would yell. Tear this ass up. It's yours. It's always going to be yours..."
Apollo slaps the fuck out of me at that moment.
I don't expect it. I don't expect the slap until I fall down on the ground. I get up about to tackle his ass but I'm tripped! I'm shocked when I realize that Whistler is the one who has tripped me. I land hard on my face in front of Apollo. I'm more embarrassed than anything. Apollo is laughing when he sees me trip.
"Aren't you supposed to be protecting ME?" I ask Whistler.
She doesn't respond. She just stands there. She stares at me silently. I hate her. I hate the people who made her into what she is. I look up at Apollo. I look up at his privileged smirk. Everything has been given to him and he doesn't even realize it. He actually thinks he earned his position. He actually thinks he earned this fucking house.
He didn't deserve the position he had and neither did I. We had gotten where we were being ass kissers and following the rules.
Apollo leans over to me, "You're upset. I get it. Go upstairs. Take some time to yourself. But Law. Get over it. You're my husband now and sooner or later you will start behaving as such. You're going to be the High Liberty one day aren't you? It's time you start following the rules. Take your ass upstairs and start taking those showers. Clean yourself up really good. I don't want to smell that Ram on you. Here, here's a handkerchief. You're bleeding."
I walk away from Apollo. I feel defeated. He's used to getting his way. This is just another example of it. I do what he says. I'm not scared of Apollo. He's not what is getting to me. It's Whistler I'm worried about. If I don't behave the same thing that happened to Lloyd would happen to me. The High Liberty would take me out.
I knew that.
I'm beginning to wonder if Apollo knows that as well...
A few weeks pass and then a month passes. I'm in my room. Luckily Apollo has been busy most of the day so I don't have to see him. He "works" attempting to catch the Zodiac killer. I know it's all a big fucking scheme. Simeon is going down the list fast. He's killed a Sagittarius reporter who was asking a lot of questions that he probably shouldn't be asking. He kills a Pisces who was writing some controversial songs. He kills a Leo who was being a little bit promiscuous with some high ranking officials. Looking at the crimes I want to pull my hair out that no one sees them as suspicious. The Scorpios wouldn't care about any of these people if they really wanted a revolution.
If they wanted a revolution they would have killed the High Liberty. They would have killed Apollo, his personal dick holder. They would have killed some of the Capricorns who ran everything or maybe the Taurus who developed all the weapons to make the High Liberty so powerful. The kill list is clearly everyone who the High Liberty opposes.
And I every day I barely go to sleep wondering if Simeon would come for me.
I get a knock on the door. Whistler is standing right next to the door. She looks at the door. She looks at me.
"You are completely useless, aren't you?" I ask her.
She doesn't respond. I walk to the door to see my husband. He's been gone all week. He's been in the slums handling some public disturbancies or something. That's what he describes it as. I open the door and just cross my arms.
"Did you go to work today?" he asks me.
"I called out sick."
"You've been calling out sick a lot," he tells me.
"Because I've been sick a lot," I respond bluntly.
I've been sick of the system. I've been sick of seeing my so-called friends in the so-called Justice building. I got sick of looking at the High Liberty and knowing this is the guy who is responsible for killing my best friend but being forced to smile in my face because he would kill me next if I showed the slightest bit of disobedience to the system.
"Well I'm going to need you to get over it," he responds, "You are going to have to get back to your old self. I miss the Law I used to know. The one who followed the rules and did what he said. That's the Law I fell in love with. This Law is turning me off."
"Oh I'm turning you off?" I ask him.
The more I talk to Apollo the more I wonder how I ever had feelings for him. I hate him now more than I've ever hated anyone in my life. I hate him more than the High Liberty and the High Liberty killed my fucking best friend. I despise Apollo with a passion so deep that I can't describe it. It's written all over my face. I know he sees it but he's in denial. He really thinks this is just a phase. He really thinks he's so special that I'll forget about the fact that he raped me.
"Clean yourself up. We have dinner. One of the servants is bringing up an outfit for you. Wear something sexy...for once. You've been walking around here like you're in mourning. I gave you your time but after today things change."
"What do you mean things change?"
"Today we are entertaining my best friend. After that we are headed over to the High Liberty's annual Venus celebration. You'll be well behaved for both things. When we come back home tonight...we'll start sleeping in the same bed from now on."
"You can't force me to fucking sleep in the same bed with you?"
"Oh I'm not forcing you. It's your decision. I just know you'll make the right one."
"You sound so sure about that."
"I'm sure," he smiles flashing his white teeth, "You'll make the right choice. Not only will you sleep in the same bed as me tonight but you'll be sucking my dick and giving up some ass."
I start laughing. I can't take this guy. I really am shocked. I'm laughing right in his face.
"You have really lost your fucking mind haven't you?"
I'm shocked when Apollo starts right alongside with me. I really think at that moment when he's laughing that he might have actually gone completely crazy. I should have known better. The laughing stops and is replaced with a maniacal smile.
"You'll be the good husband. Do we make ourselves clear?"
Whose we? Was he speaking for him and the High Liberty now?
"I think I made myself clear," he answers his own questions, "Be downstairs in an hour and smile. The Zodiac Killer is on the loose, remember? We have to show solidarity and the rules as they are. You should know that right? Solidarity is so important or else the system will break down. Chaos will happen. And who will protect you from the Zodiac Killer then?"
"Are you threatening me?" I ask him.
I'm so upset that I don't know whether to try to attack Apollo again or to break down and cry. I feel helpless. I've lost control of my entire life.
"No. I'm protecting you. Of course. You're my husband and I love you. I've given you your time to mourn and be upset over pettiness. But that time is over. It's time you be the Law I know you are. And I'm sure you'll make the right decision."
The threat has never been so clear. If I ever wondered if Apollo knew about the Zodiac killer and the list that the High Liberty had that wonder was gone. Apollo was in on it. I wonder who else was in on it. I wonder how many other high officials knew just what the truth was behind the Zodiac Killers. It would make sense that the High Liberty shared the truth with Apollo.
I wonder if that is what emboldened Apollo to rape me in the first place. Maybe he knew he would get away with it because I wasn't exactly as protected due to my title as everyone else thought I was.
"I'll be down."
I have no choice.
I spend time getting dressed. Apollo dresses me up in a white little suit. Maybe he's trying to make me look pure. I don't fucking know. I'm checked out of it. My life is so awful right and I have no control over it. Worse than anything I haven't heard from Ryder. It's been a month and nothing.
I don't even know if Ryder is still alive.
I get downstairs after the hour is done. We are waiting for the servants to bring out the food. I'm not surprised at who our dinner guests are. He said it was going to be his best friend. His best Aeron is there with Lourdes. Lourdes looks like her typical self. She's covered in makeup. She looks like the typical Libra woman. She's postured. She is sitting right next to her husband with her legs crossed and her bright white smile. Her lipstick is nude and her cheek bones are contoured. Lourdes is the perfect wife. She's domesticated, drop dead gorgeous, smart and has a resume to match Aeron's. She is everything that we grew up thinking we should be as Libras and once upon a time I would be so proud to call her my friend.
Now I'm embarrassed by her. She's so fucking blind that it's irritating.
"You look so handsome tonight," Aeron says to me when I walk into the room, "Here let me get your seat for you."
He walks over to me and pulls out my seat for me. I smile at Aeron. He's the typical handsome Aquarius man. He's well-mannered and gentle. He pulls my seat out for me and lets me sit. I try to fake a smile even though I don't want to. He's a cop working for my husband. God knows how much he really knows about this.
"Careful now. He's spoken for," Apollo teases Aeron.
"If I liked guys you'd have a problem in your hands," Aeron laughs, "Luckily I don't."
There is laughter. Normally I would have laughed along with them. In another time I would have found it funny. Not now. Now I hate it. Now it disgusts me.
Lourdes looks over at me, "How have you been holding up Law?"
Lourdes crosses her hands on her chest.
"Ever since Lloyd died Lourdes has been having nightmares," Aeron states, "This thing about the Zodiac Killer. It really has everyone really shaken up. He's trying to tear us apart but luckily the system is here to protect us."
Aeron smiles confident in what he's saying. For the moment I actually think maybe he has no idea what is really going on. Maybe he is actually clueless.
"We'll find whoever is responsible. I promise you that," Apollo says in this strong manner.
He's so decisive. He's such a leader. Or so it seems.
Lourdes falls for it hook line and sinker though like a dumbass, "Thank you Apollo. We're all so scared. I couldn't imagine it could have happened to Lloyd. It could happen to the rest of us. Me and Lizabeth have been struggling through it. And of course we've been worrying so much about how Law is responding to this."
"Really? You haven't come by to see me," I respond.
Lourdes clears her throat. She's not expecting that. I don't think she is.
"There's been a lot of work at the office. You'll see when you return back to work fully. We're swamped with cases," she quickly excuses herself.
I roll my eyes. I'm more annoyed at Lourdes then pissed at her right now. She is so blind that I can't even blame her. If I hadn't met Ryder I would have been in this same position.
"It's OK," Apollo speaks for me, "I've been taking care of Law. We deal with grief in different ways but we're all heartbroken about Lloyd."
"At least this brought the two of you together," Aeron states.
Apollo smiles at his best friend, "It's real love man. I'm glad I finally have what you have."
He could have cared less about Lloyd's memory. He never mourned Lloyd. He never gave a fuck about Lloyd in the first place.
Lourdes gets quiet. She is awkward. Aeron may be clueless but I think Lourdes can feel my vibes. I told her that Apollo raped me. If she really believed I was happy in this house than she was a fucking idiot. She doesn't speak up for me though. She forces a smile. She's going to really sit here and pretend like everything is fucking OK isn't she?
"Yeah. It's like some sort of weird fairytale. Childhood sweethearts that grow up and are brought together by a tragedy," Aeron states, "Best friend---this is something straight out of the movies. Definitely real love."
Lourdes puts her hand on her husband's hand and mutters a weak agreement, "Yeah."
That's when Apollo looks over at me. He puts his hand on my hand. I feel sick to my stomach. I stare at his hand. I look at the knife on the table. I think about grabbing that knife and stabbing it right through his fucking hand. I swear I want to do it.
My heart is racing. I reach for the knife. I grab it...I lift it!
Just then we are interrupted!
It's the servants. They walk in the room and Apollo quickly removes his hands in anticipation for the meal. He didn't realize I was about to stab him. He has no idea how close he was to losing his hand. I look across the table. Lourdes is looking dead at me. I wonder if she knows. I wonder if she saw what I was about to do. She seems a little confused.
A ham is brought out with a bunch of sides. Apollo is making a big deal at the dinner. He's showing off for Aeron. He's talking about his staff and what good cooks they are. I can't handle it. I'm holding back tears every second I'm at this table. I look back at the knife. This time I'm thinking about using the knife to just stab myself.
What did I really have to live for? I rather kill myself than wait until the High Liberty realizes that I'm not as loyal as I used to be and decides to destroy me. I'm going to die either way. I might as well do it sooner than later. I might as well...
"Would you like some more water sir?" one of the servants asks to my right.
"Are you sure sir."
"I said no," I respond. What the fuck?
"Sir. Let me get you some water."
I turn to my right to look up at this annoying ass servant. That's when I'm shocked by who it is. Corey the Cancer! It's Ryder's friend Corey. He's standing there. I look at him and he looks at me. He gives me a wink at that moment. What the fuck was he doing here!
I stare at him. I'm shocked. My heart is racing. He had to be here for a reason. He quickly fills up my glass and walks away back out of the room with the other staff.
"Excuse me. I have to use the bathroom," I state.
"Hurry back before your dinner gets cold baby," Apollo tells me.
Apollo then leans over and give me a kiss. He tries to kiss me on the lips but I move my head so quick that it ends up being a cheek kiss. I'm still beyond disgusted by it. I jump out of my seat and make my way towards the kitchen.
As I walk I look behind me. I notice I'm being followed.
"You don't have to follow me," I turn to her, "I'm just going to the bathroom."
I turn to walk. Whistler continues to follow me ignoring me completely. I'm so annoyed by this bitch. I can't shake her. Nothing I can do can fucking shake her. I keep walking to the end of the hallway and I see Corey standing there. He is alone.
"Are you OK? Have they done anything to hurt you?" Corey asks me.
"Now's not a good time," I state.
"Turn around. Your Virgo. I turned her off."
I turn around at that moment. Sure enough Whistler is leaned up against the wall. Her eyes are closed. She is dead to the world. She is just standing up against the hallway wall not moving. For the first time in forever I feel like this weight has been lifted off my shoulders.
"How did you do that?" I ask him.
He pulls out a device, "Here take it. I stole this for Ryder with that card you took from Apollo. It's a device. You can control the Virgo with it to a point. You can turn her off and on. When she comes back on she won't even realize the lapse in time."
I do the weirdest thing at that moment. I grab the device from him. I'm so happy he gives it to me and that I can finally have some privacy when I wanted to from Whistler. I'm so grateful right now. I lean forward and I hug Corey. The weird thing is this guy hugs me back. We hug each other for a few minutes. I start crying in his shoulder and he lets me. He rubs me on my back.
All the emotion that I've been keeping bottled in just comes out.
"Man I don't even know you," I explain, "I don't know you but right now I'm so happy to see you. You have no idea."
"Ryder sent me. I spoke to him in jail. He asked me to find a way to look after you. So I applied for a job at your husband's house."
"Is he OK?" I ask.
"I haven't seen him in almost two weeks. Last time I seen him it was difficult. I can't lie to you. They hurt Ryder. They really hurt him."
"He's alive right I mean...he's going to survive?"
Corey gets shy at that moment, "If they keep doing what they are doing to him it's going to be tough. Your husband is a vicious man. Ryder told me he personally visits him every day. You could imagine what happens during those visits."
Fuck. I start crying at that moment all over again. What if they beat Ryder to death in jail? What if Apollo ended up killing him in that cell? No one would care. No one would know the difference. Ryder was nothing more than an Aries.
"I can't do this. I can't stay here in this...house."
"Ryder wanted me to tell you to be strong. He wanted me to tell you that if he is dead by the time I was able to get to you that everything will be OK. You aren't alone. There are others. There are rebels. You aren't alone. You might not know us. You might not have even met us. But you have friends and we believe in you."
"Believe in me?" I ask.
He nods, "A Libra who is actually fair is rare. You are giving hope to a lot of people. You have no idea."
"I'm no rebel. Ryder is the rebel. I'm a victim of this shit."
"We are all victims of the system until we choose not to be," Corey the Cancer says, "I feel like it's about time that you choose not to be."
He looks at me with all this hope. It's so weird. He looks at me as though he can see something that is in me that I don't see. He has it wrong. I'm not that guy that he thinks I am. Ryder is the guy that he needs. Ryder has the plan. Ryder has the guts. I'm a Libra. All I do is follow rules and I've failed miserably at that.
"You got the wrong guy."
Corey grabs onto my hand, "Law, please..."
I take my hand away from him, "You got the wrong guy."
I use the device and turn the knob. Within a matter of seconds Whistler is back online. She is back to following me. She stands at my side. She doesn't even seem suspicious of the time lapse. She just seems to wonder what Corey is doing staring at me like this.
"I don't have to pee anymore," I state, returning back to the dinner.
I look back at Corey. He still gives me those hopeful eyes. Then I see something even weirder. A few of the other staff in the house join him at the end of the hallway. They look at me with those same eyes. They stare at me wanting something. I don't get it. I don't know what they saw.
I couldn't even help Lloyd. Lloyd died because I wanted to do something to change the outcome. I wanted to change the rigged system. The system wanted Apollo to get off. I thought I could change that. I was wrong. Lloyd died for nothing and Apollo got off anyway. I couldn't even save my best friend. How was I going to help anyone else?
They had the wrong guy.
We carpool with Aeron and Lourdes to the Venus Festival. I spend most of the time in the car zoning out thinking about whether Ryder was dead or not. The fact is really hitting me that maybe it is possible that he is. Why else would he have sent Corey to look after me? He would have found a way to look out for me himself if he was alive. He had done that because he thought he was going to be dead.
"This celebration is so exciting," Aeron says when we get out of the car, "It's an annual celebration that everyone talks about. It's hosted by the High Liberty in honor of his patron goddess Venus. The goddess of Love."
"We used to celebrate it all the time on Scale Mountain, remember Law?" Lourdes asks me, "I wonder if it's going to be any different. What do you think Law? Law?"
I ignore her. I walk into the party. She's pissing me off with her presence. I hate her. The festival is held in a high rise building at the very top. Maybe they are trying to make it look like scale mountain. I run to the bar and get the strongest drink I can. Ryder is just in my head. I'm alone. The more I talk to my friends the more I realize I'm alone.
"Everything OK with you?" Lourdes asks me.
She isn't alone. She's with Lizabeth. I hadn't even seen the two walk up to me. Whistler was at my side blocking them. The party is crowded. There are so many people.
In the distance I can see Aeron and Apollo. They are talking with some Geminis. I notice someone approach them. It's the High Liberty. The High Liberty puts his hand on Apollo's shoulder. The two laugh about something. In my mind I imagine they are laughing at me. They are laughing about how they've ruined my life. They are laughing about how I'm stuck in this situation with no way out.
"Law? Law...you there?" Lizabeth asks me.
"What the fuck do you guys want?"
"We were just looking for Loreal. We wondered if you've seen her."
Lourdes nods, "I called her before I left."
Lourdes should have known better. Out of all my friends I used to think me and her were the most similar. Aeron was the straight version of Apollo. We used to go on double dates with the two all the time. We'd chit chat about the two and dream about marrying them. Our dreams come true. Only difference is that Lourdes was happy about her dream and I was horrified. My dream had become a fucking nightmare and it was eating me alive every second I was near him.
"Look in my eyes Lourdes," I state, "Look really good. Do I look like I give a fuck about Loreal?"
"I guess not."
"Do you really have to guess?" I ask.
Lourdes takes a moment. She does know better.
"No you don't care," Lourdes states, "I didn't really come over here to ask about her either way. I told Lizabeth about what you were about to do to Apollo at the dinner."
Lizabeth shakes her head, "Were you really going to..."
Lizabeth stops. She stops because Whistler is looking right at us listening to every word. I'm glad Lizabeth is smart enough to stop. I know she is going to ask me if I was really going to stab Apollo. That is what Lourdes had to have told her.
"Oh yeah," I respond.
Lourdes and Lizabeth look at each other. A look of worry comes over their faces.
"Say what you told us was true..." Lizabeth asks.
"Oh now you fucking believe me?"
"I'm not saying that. I'm just saying if it was true why don't you just end the relationship with him?" Lizabeth asks me, "I don't get it."
"There is a lot you don't get."
"Then tell me."
"Truthfully I don't trust the two of you anymore."
Lourdes and Lizabeth shake their heads. Lourdes is the one who is probably hurt more but I know it's bothering both of them. I don't have time for their feelings. I'm at my wits end.
"That hurts," Lourdes explains to me shaking her head, "We grew up together Law. I look at you like a brother."
"You don't know hurt. When you are violated and the people you look at as your sisters tell you to go fuck yourself then you'd know what it feels like to be hurt. So no. I don't care about you. I don't care about anyone right now. Everything I cared about has been taken from me. Tonight a man I hate is going to force me to have sex with him...again. And I can't even say no. Look over there. Look at Apollo. What is he doing right now?"
Lourdes is crying up. Her feelings are hurt. Poor her. Usually I would try to feel bad for her. Right now I don't give a flying fuck about her feelings. Lizabeth is a little bit more stable. She looks across the room at Apollo. She studies his face. He's looking my way. He has that privileged look on his face.
"He's smiling," Lizabeth answers.
"Yeah. He's smiling. He gets everything that he wants. I'll die before I let him get me. You both understand that right? You get that? I'll fucking...die...before I let him touch me again."
I've never felt a resolve like this before.
"You're scaring us," Lourdes says.
"You sound so different..." Lizabeth asks.
"Don't sound much like a Libra huh?" I ask, "What do I sound like? An aggressive Aries? Do I sound like an emotional Cancer? Do I sound like wild Leo? How about a crazy Scorpio? I don't give a fuck what I sound like. I don't give a fuck about being a Libra anymore."
I order another drink. I take it. I'm getting wilder by the moment. The tears have dried up. Fuck crying. I can't cry anymore. I needed to do something. I was done feeling sorry for myself. Crying wouldn't get me out of this situation.
Lourdes is crying again, "You should go tell the High Liberty. Law. Go. Seriously. If you hate this relationship like you say you do go to him. He'll get you out of this."
"Yeah?" I ask.
"Oh my god Lourdes, that's a good idea," Lizabeth says, "The High Liberty. He'll fix this. We should go talk to him. We'll go with you. He'll fix everything."
Fucking clueless idiots.
"Give me a minute. I have to get some fresh air but I'll come back and you know what I'll do that. I'll go tell the High Liberty everything so he can fix it and make things all better. Fair and balanced. Right guys?"
The sarcasm is leaking out of every pore in my body. The sisters don't pick up on it though.
"Exactly," Lizabeth responds with a confident smile, "Fair and balanced."
"I'll be right back."
The two seem happy about their little pep talk. Maybe they feel like they have fixed our friendship and everything will be back to normal once I go to the High Liberty for help. They had no idea the High Liberty was behind everything. Why tell them either? Would it even matter if they knew?
I end up walking to the balcony. Whistler follows me. I take out the device and turn her off. She collapses up against the nearest wall. She's off.
I sit the device down on the chair. I look over the balcony. I was pretty high. So fucking high. 50 stories high.
I can barely see the bottom.
I get up on the ledge. I wasn't going to let that fucker touch me tonight or ever again in my life. I wasn't going to let them control my life.
Fuck the system. They couldn't have me.
The system lied to us. They lied to us about everything. They told us things were fair and balanced. Nothing was fair and balanced. Another lie was coming to my mind right now. All the lies they told us about how special Libras were. We weren't fucking special. We were just like everyone else.
Time to test that bullshit theory they fed to us.
I jump off the ledge whispering to myself, "Time to see if Libras can really fly."
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