Date: Thu, 2 May 2002 02:43:34 +0100
From: Ardveche <ardveche@ardveche.com>
Subject: Crux 4

[This story is the copyrighted property of Ardveche (c) 2000-2002 and may
not be copied or distributed in whole or in part without permission. Any
comments, suggestions, questions or requests should be emailed to
ardveche@ardveche.com.]

CRUX
====

4. CHRIS

Christian dressed with care for the night out in the city with his friends.
In his more speculative moments he was troubled by how long it took to
achieve his particular brand of seeming indifference to what he wore.  He
stood in front of the mirror, sifting idly through his assortment of silver
jewelry; some purchased, most stolen, crosses and skulls for the most part.
He had become quite adept at the 'five fingered discount', as had all the
people in his circle of friends.  His parents did not approve of boys
wearing jewelry, or makeup, they also didn't approve of his friends, the
places he went or the music he liked.  In fact, there was very little of
which his parents did approve.

With a sigh, he selected three rings; one a silver skull with baleful, blue
glass eyes, the other two, his favorites, bore complex Celtic knot
patterns.  As he slipped them onto his fingers, and hung round his neck a
crucifix on a leather cord, his mind was already on his wardrobe.  He
examined his near naked body in the mirror, slim and pale but not
unattractive, and set off nicely by the silver cross which hung to exactly
the same line as his nipples.  He was clad in nothing but a pair of purple
boxer shorts, he tended to favor dark colors and this was his favorite
pair.  Not for the first time, though, he wondered if boxers were the right
look, or if he should switch to something else.  Kyle wore boxers, he knew,
but Kyle was probably not the best person to model himself on.  Kyle was
weird.  Christian snorted, as the irony of that thought struck him.  Blaine
made a big deal out of 'going commando', and he certainly looked good in
the tight leather pants he'd been wearing lately.  Maybe that was the way
to go?  But, then, maybe Blaine was better equipped for it, so to speak.

It seemed desperately prosaic to be worrying about the size of his penis,
such worry was probably the only thing he had in common with the other boys
at school.  He pulled forward the waistband of his shorts and looked down
at it, Kyle always seemed to appreciate it, but there was no way it was as
big as Blaine's.  Perhaps he should pad things out a little, but what if
one of the gang wanted to fool around?  Oh, well, it was a problem for
another day, he decided to think about it tomorrow as he wrote his journal.
He pulled a faded black T-shirt over his head and struggled into a pair of
skin-tight, once black jeans that were also starting to fade to a dull
gray.  Looking in the mirror, his slenderness seemed more apparent now than
when he was naked.  The blackness seemed to accentuate it, or maybe it was
the flickering of the candles which made him appear as one more shadow in a
room crowded with them.

He scowled at his reflected self and experienced a brief moment of
unreality where he couldn't tell which was him and which the image.  This
didn't worry Christian unduly, it was a sensation he had cultivated lying
alone in bed at night feeling himself fade and pulling back just before he
winked out of existence.  Turning away, he roughly snatched another pair of
jeans from his chair, these ones a washed out blue and more frayed than
whole.  He pulled them on and admired the way they added bulk to his legs,
he liked the contrast of the black showing through the slashes that ran up
his legs front and back.  Last on was his leather jacket, the only thing
his parents had given him that he actually liked.  It had belonged to an
uncle and was a real old bike jacket.  They'd flipped out when he painted
the dragon on the back, it had taken him hours, and was a real work of art.
It had mostly flaked off now, but it looked good still.

After a long, contemplative stare at himself, he nodded his approval and
adjusted the cross to his satisfaction over the T-shirt.  Then he gathered
his hair in both hands and pulled it out of the back of the jacket,
allowing it to fall over his shoulders.  Of his small group, he was the
only one who didn't use any dye, having been born with naturally thick,
dark hair that had grown at a surprising speed.  He pulled a dark blue
bandana with a white paisley pattern from a drawer and knotted it expertly
so it formed a close cap, pulling his hair back into one long tress down
the middle of his back.  Then he turned his attention to his eyes, also
naturally dark, he accented them with eye-liner with a steady hand borne of
practice.  This done, he sat down on the bed to pull on his black engineer
boots and adjust the legs of his jeans so they sat neatly over them.  One
final touch was the broad leather band round his left forearm which, as
well as looking good, hid the network of fine scars there.

He was satisfied with his creation.  He was more himself now than he had
ever been, in many ways he was better.  In other, perhaps more fundamental
ways, he was far, far less.  For now, though, he was ready.  He was
Christian.  Prepared to face the world, and to do his own thing, and fuck
them all!  It didn't much matter that his life was a tapestry woven of
artifice and fantasy.  And it certainly didn't matter, for now, that in
reality he was the more prosaic John Christopher Williams, suburban,
seventeen, and desperately lonely. Christian clumped heavily down the
stairs from his bedroom after carefully extinguishing the candles and
returning his journal to its hiding place.  His parents were watching
something inane on the television.  He had no idea what, but it was a
characteristic of his parents that whatever they watched would be inane.

"John?  Is that you, son?"  His father's voice drifted out to him.  He took
a deep breath and clenched his hands into fists, turning left at the foot
of the stairs and sliding into the darkness of the dining room.  This was
poor planning, but he'd been too busy earlier.  He produced a silver flask
from an inside pocket and gently opened the drinks cabinet.  "John?"

"Yes.  It's me," he called back, his voice bitter.  He knew he didn't have
long until one of them came to see what he was doing.  He worked quickly.

"Where are you going?"  His mother asked as she appeared in the hallway.
He was standing in front of the hall mirror, adjusting his hair when she
turned the corner.  He was proud of himself, at having carried out the
theft undetected.

"Out."  He stared at the mirror.

"Obviously."  His mother had less patience for this than his father, but
over the years he'd worked out just how far they could be pushed without
losing their tempers.  Sometimes it was fun to push them that little bit
further.  "With whom?"  She moved so she could see his eyes in the mirror.

"Friends." He adjusted his posture so she couldn't.

"Which friends?"  His mother was becoming exasperated.  He didn't need the
hassle tonight.

"Blaine and Kyle."

"I see," she pursed her lips and frowned disapprovingly.  He continued to
play with his hair, for far longer now than could possibly be necessary,
but he was determined not to look at her and, in this game at least, he
knew that he had more chance of winning.  "Where are you going?"

"Blaine's house."  That was a complete lie, but it was easier that way.

"Well, don't be too late," she turned away and he immediately turned from
the mirror also and headed for the door.  He could imagine the conversation
she was having with his father as he walked down the path, he'd sat on the
stairs and listened to it countless times in the past.  He knew his mother
despaired of what to do with him, but more about what the neighbors thought
of her for letting him dress the way he did.  He knew his father preferred
to pretend nothing was wrong, to concentrate on his crossword puzzles and
his management accountancy.  God, his parents were so, so, suburban.  In
Christian's mind that was the lowest thing anyone could possibly be.  It
was right there in the word, 'sub'.

As he walked along the street, breathing deeply and trying to calm himself
down, he heard the throaty growl of Blaine's car approaching.  He took a
big swig from the flask, gasped aloud and prepared himself mentally for
Kyle's attentions.  He centered the cross one more time, he had swiped it
from the mall a few days earlier and this was the first time he'd worn it.
The car pulled to a stop, unsurprisingly it was black, Blaine was in the
driver's seat and next to him was Alicia, his girlfriend.  That meant that
Kyle was in the back.  They were meeting the rest of their friends at the
club, friends who had a head start in life, as far as Christian was
concerned, friends who actually lived in the city.

"Hey, Chris!"  Blaine called, "Kyle's got some beers in the back, man."

"Christian," He muttered as he climbed into the back seat with Kyle.  His
new name wasn't catching on as quickly as he had hoped it would.  He had
told all his friends that he now wanted to be known by his middle name
'Christian', little matter that that wasn't his middle name, but to be
called 'Chris' seemed to defeat the point.  Blaine started the car again,
and turned the stereo up making it impossible for voices to travel from the
front to the back.  He took the beer proffered to him by Kyle, who had
remained silent, and took a drink.  It was, perhaps not surprisingly, warm.

"Blaine and Alicia have had a fight," Kyle confided, sliding along the seat
so his thigh was resting against Christian's and he could speak directly
into his ear.  Christian liked Kyle, he could be a lot of fun, but he was
very clingy, in a group where sex was a casual thing freely exchanged he
kept himself exclusively for Christian.  That was disturbing, his
possessiveness, his frank adoration, unnerved Christian.  He was unable to
prevent the natural response, though, when Kyle's hand began to move softly
back and forth on his thigh and the moist young lips pressed against his
earlobe.  "I missed you."  He whispered.

Christian was a year older than Kyle, so unless they met after school (or
cut school together) they only saw one another at weekends.  For the past
week he'd been cutting his last class and walking home alone rather than
getting a ride with the other guys.  Blaine was indifferent, but he'd seen
Kyle mooning around the corridors at school looking like someone killed his
dog.  He couldn't say that he'd missed Kyle, in fact he'd enjoyed watching
the younger boy's obvious misery in a weird kind of way.  Acting of its own
volition, one of his hands rose up in front of him and buried itself in the
heavily gelled spikes of Kyle's once blond but now blue hair, pulling the
boy's lips round from his now wet ear to his mouth.  He pressed his own
mouth urgently against Kyle's full lips, blackened with lipstick, and slid
his tongue into the eagerly waiting mouth.  They kissed softly for some
time, until Christian became suddenly self-conscious and pushed Kyle gently
away.

"You look good tonight," Kyle whispered as he reluctantly sank back.
Christian glanced up in time to see Alicia look hurriedly away from
watching them in the rearview.  "I like the cross.  It's nice."  His
fingers reached out to touch the metal, but Christian pushed them away, he
didn't want anyone else to touch it.  Kyle leaned back in for another kiss,
and was met halfway.  One of Christian's hands slipped inside his jacket
and his fingers pressed insistently against the erect nipple under Kyle's
shirt.  Out of the corner of his eye, Christian could see that Alicia was
watching again and he allowed himself a tiny smile as he began to nibble at
Kyle's delicate jawline.  Being watched, especially by someone who so
obviously wanted him and couldn't have him (not because she was a girl, or
because she was unnatractive, but because it amused him), really turned
Christian on.  Kyle made a soft, happy gurgling sound as his shirt was
roughly yanked from his pants and Christian's cold hands caressed his body.

Kyle began to tug, almost frantically, at the zipper of Christian's jeans,
which seemed to have become stuck.  It happened a lot, he had once worn
these jeans on their own, when only the knees were slashed, but as more
cuts had been added, higher and higher up the legs they had become too
revealing (and too cold) to wear without something else underneath.  Now
they were so badly torn that you had to tug down on the crotch to pull the
zip straight, otherwise it wouldn't come down without it sticking.  He
pushed Kyle's hands away again and the younger boy misinterpreting the
gesture fixed his large, liquid, brown eyes on his friend's face, his lips
trembling slightly.  Christian returned the gaze, blankly, and without
looking away carefully towed the zip down.  A broad smile spread across
Kyle's face as he lowered his head into Christian's lap.

The second zipper was negotiated more easily and with a certain amount of
rummaging Kyle located his ultimate goal, mercifully unhidden by padding!
Christian was almost painfully hard, self-denial had taken its toll on him
and he was more ready than ever to submit to Kyle's eager hands and lips.
He slid his hand up the slight boy's back, inside the shirt and stroked the
smooth soft skin gently, the other pressed down on Kyle's head, urging him
on.  He felt the warmth of Kyle's breath and let out a soft sigh, his head
thrown back and his eyes closed.  As the lips closed around the head of his
cock, he opened his eyes and looked straight into Alicia's.  He gave her a
wicked smile and held her gaze until, smoldering with rage, she turned
away.  Christian had a feeling he was the source of Alicia and Blaine's
fight also, he'd been getting a lot closer to Blaine and she was jealous as
hell.  Not that anything had happened, they'd made out a little when they
were stoned, but that was it.  Kyle had been pretty jealous too, a double
score.

For all his youth, Kyle had a great deal of talent and the delicious
feeling of his mouth was bringing his friend near to the edge.  He was
slurping and licking eagerly, both hands had become involved in the task as
well, one was flat on Christian's belly massaging gently, the other cradled
his balls and exerted a steady downward pressure.  Christian squirmed and
allowed a soft moan to escape his lips.  He was nearly there now and
relaxed into the sensations, imagining himself floating gently in a pool of
deliciously warm water, trying to prolong the pleasure, to put off the
awful, needy expression that would be on Kyle's face when they finished.
But it was too late for that, he felt the fire building in his belly and
spreading rapidly and with a grunt he began to come in his friend's mouth.
Kyle stayed where he was, swallowing convulsively and eager to please,
convinced that taking the whole load proved something of his devotion.

Christian let his head loll back on the headrest and his eyes slide closed,
as one hand played lazily with Kyle's hair.  Eventually the younger boy sat
up, a small smile on his face, a hopeful look in his eyes.  Christian
looked straight back into his eyes without saying a word, his expression
unchanging as he tucked himself back in and zipped up his jeans.  The
pathetically eager expression on Kyle's face, his incredible need for
praise and for validation was fascinating to Christian, and oddly arousing
too, in a sick way.  The fact that he had the power, with a single word, to
make Kyle's day and that he could ruin it utterly with his silence made him
feel powerful.

"Christian?"  Kyle reached out and touched his friend's arm gently,
timidly.

"What?"

"I, I...," the boy dropped his gaze, "I don't know."

"Whatever."  Christian shrugged and turned away from the younger boy,
secretly thrilled at the crestfallen expression.

"You've been weird lately," Kyle finally said, balling up his courage to
speak like this to his idol.  "Is there something wrong?  I, I want to help
you."

"Yeah?"  The scorn in the older boy's voice was unmistakable, and he made
no effort to conceal it or to spare his friend's feelings.

"Yeah," Kyle whispered.

"You can help me by shutting up," Christian turned to gaze out the window
at the darkness rather than at Kyle's big, liquid eyes, "you're giving me a
headache."

"Why are you being like this?"

"Like what?"

"So cold," Kyle placed his hand on his friend's arm, "so mean.  It's not
like you."

"What do you mean 'it's not like me'?"  Christian turned to face him with a
scowl.  "How do you know what is and is not 'like me'?  You don't know
anything about me.  You don't know 'me'."  He paused before he continued,
practically spitting out the words.  "Nobody does."

"What does that mean?"  Kyle asked, his hand moving gently back and forth
on the smooth leather of Christian's sleeve, an almost erotic feeling in
itself.

"What does anything mean?"  Christian turned back to the window as the
scenery outside began to change from uniform darkness and endless rows of
identical houses.  Each one was painted, its gardens sculptured as the
owners tried, and failed, to make it distinctively different from its near
neighbors.  Christian breathed out slowly as they slid into the background,
into the past, and they left suburbia behind.  In the front Alicia and
Blaine remained frostily silent, but Christian felt his heart quicken as
they entered the city proper and his nerves began to tingle.  It was like a
homecoming.

"I'll leave the car at Sam's," Blaine called, breaking the silence, "grab a
coffee there first, yeah?  Maybe see if Slinky's around?  Then head over to
Crux?"

"Whatever," Christian mumbled back, much too quietly for Blaine to hear.

"Sure," Kyle responded with much greater enthusiasm, keen to spend as much
time with Christian as he could in an environment where he could still be
heard.  There were things he was waiting for a chance to say to Christian,
and he knew that that would be impossible in the club.  Alicia said
something to Blaine as they drew to a stop, but Christian didn't catch what
it was.  He wasn't really paying attention, they were here, and what they
did from now on was irrelevant, all that mattered was doing it in the city.
He was the first out of the car, taking deep breaths, his mood noticeably
improved from a scant half hour before.  Kyle followed him and grinned
broadly at his friend's obvious pleasure, he had seen this transformation
often enough.

"You guys go on, we'll be a minute."  Blaine rolled down his window and
called to them as they stood in the thin rain, waiting.

"Okay."  Was Kyle's chirpy response, almost as if Blaine had read his mind
about wanting some time alone with Christian.  Christian, for his part,
merely grunted and headed for the steps of Sam's without a word.  He had
already taken a seat in a booth when Kyle trotted into the diner, pausing
at the counter to order two Cokes before sliding into the seat beside
Christian, preventing him from leaving.

"Thanks."

"S'okay," Kyle beamed at the acknowledgement of the Coke.

"So what's with that?"  Christian jerked his head at the window, and the
black car beyond.

"I'm not sure, they were already arguing when they picked me up."  Kyle
paused and fiddled with a studded leather band on his left wrist.  "I think
maybe it's about you."

"Me?"  Christian feigned ignorance, enjoying the younger boy's discomfort.

"Yeah.  You know?"  Another pause and some more fiddling with the band.
"Him making out with you."  Christian noted that Kyle seemed to be blaming
Blaine for the incident, which was maybe fair, but telling nonetheless.

"Oh, that?"  He made a disgusted noise.  "That was nothing, just having
fun."

"Do you like him?"  Kyle finally asked quietly, when the silence began to
get to him.

"Of course, he's a friend."

"No, I mean, 'like' him."  Kyle stressed the word carefully, there could be
no doubt of his meaning, but that didn't prevent him from saying more
albeit hesitantly.  "I mean, not that I mind, you can do what you want and,
well, he's okay looking."

"He's better than okay, Kyle, and he has a great bod too."  This
interruption from Christian, who was still staring out the window, was
calculated to wound but it didn't deflect Kyle from his questioning.

"Yeah, I guess.  And, well, he's older and he has a car and all."

"Yup."

"So?"

"So what?"  Christian asked, rapidly tiring of the game as he took a drink
from his Coke.

"So do you like him?  You know, like that?"

"What difference does it make?"

"Well, none, I guess."

"So why are you asking?"  Christian demanded, examining the back of his
hand and wondering if maybe he should have put a different combination of
rings on.  The silence drew out interminably, Kyle continued his fidgeting
pushing his glass back and forth nervously until finally he drew in a deep
breath and turned to face Christian.

"Well, 'cause, I sorta like you."

"Sorta?"  Christian asked, his face remaining blank.

"I think that maybe I," his voice dropped to a conspiratorial whisper even
though the only other customer couldn't possibly have heard, "you know,
love you."

"Well I don't, 'you know, love you'," Christian stated flatly, using Kyle's
own words mockingly against him, he shrugged, "so, you know, live with it."

"Bastard."  Kyle muttered after a pause, but with no real feeling.  He
couldn't bring himself to look at Christian, in case he started to cry, he
felt like his heart had been ripped out.  How could someone he cared about
so much, someone who was sometimes so nice, be so cruel?  Christian simply
snorted, not dignifying the weak attack with a response, he would have
preferred for Kyle to get really angry with him, to storm out, to cry,
something more than that spineless insult.  Even if he had said that with
some feeling it would have been more satisfying, as it was he said it as
though he knew he had to but simply didn't want to.  Which, arguably, was
true.

"You utter bastard."

"Maybe so."  Christian shrugged again.

"Why do you have to be so cold?"

"I didn't know I was."

"Yes you did."  Kyle showed the first hint of standing up to Christian.
The older boy turned away from the window and looked directly at him,
waiting for the worm to finish turning.  It was not to be, after the
longest time under Christian's unwavering gaze, Kyle hung his head a
little.  "Sorry," he muttered.

"Yeah."  Christian refrained from adding the 'you are' after that word, but
it was implied for all that.

"So, can we still fool around?"  Kyle asked after a while, just as
Christian was finishing his Coke.  This conversation had gone nothing like
he had planned for it to go, he was scared to death that he had made
Christian hate him and, even if he didn't love him back, he was desperate
to remain as close as he could to his long-haired friend.

"Maybe," Christian replied, returning his gaze to the window, a thrill
running through him at the recent exchange. "Here they come."  Blaine and
Alicia were getting out of the car, neither one of them looked very happy
as they headed for Sam's, Blaine in the lead.  He stomped into the diner,
the metal on the soles of his boots making a distinctive clatter on the
laminate floor, and threw himself into the seat opposite Christian.  Alicia
slid in beside him.

"Get some drinks, Kyle."  Blaine threw a bill on the table and the youngest
boy wordlessly headed for the counter.  Past experience had taught them all
that the waitress here was not inclined to move her fat butt round the
counter for the sake of a couple of Cokes for the likes of them.  Blaine
flicked his hair out of his eyes and turned to gaze out the window, resting
his elbow on the table and biting distractedly at his thumb nail.  Blaine
had been going without shaving for a few days at a time lately, and it was
definitely adding something to his already attractive features, and
Christian found himself staring at his jaw as it worked on the nail.

Blaine was undeniably 'better than okay', older than the others he had a
masculinity about him that many of their more androgynous friends simply
lacked.  The way he dressed, and most recently the leather pants he now
wore beneath his customary worn black overcoat and denim jacket, accented a
very solid (and seemingly well endowed) body.  He had a perfect smile and
stunning blue eyes, the dyed hair was a mistake but it was growing out and
his natural dirty-blond was returning, in short he was Christian's ideal
man.  With one notable problem, Alicia; other than the making out, and that
while high, Christian knew of no instance of Blaine going with another boy.
So, okay, Alicia was maybe more a symptom than the actual disease.  Still,
he had been more friendly lately, very friendly.

"Regular for Christian, diet for Alicia and regular for you," Kyle
announced as he set the drinks on the table and pushed Blaine's change
towards him.  The boy's voice was utterly expressionless but it was enough
to jerk Blaine from his reverie, catching Christian's eye and winking as he
turned to the others.  Christian turned sharply away, embarrassed to have
been caught looking.

"So, no sign of Slinky?"  Blaine asked.

"No."  Christian supplied, though it was largely rhetorical as the place
was hardly crowded enough to have been concealing him.  Secretly he was
pleased, he smoked dope because the others did and for no other reason, it
actually made him feel a little sick.  Equally well, he had only got to
make out with Blaine because he had been high; even now, the slightly fuzzy
memory of it made him uncomfortably hard.  He adjusted his position to
relieve the pressure on his crotch and as he did so his leg made contact
with Blaine's which was stretched right under the table, the older boy
smiled as Christian jerked his leg away in surprise.

"Damn, guess we'll have to make our own entertainment then."  Blaine
rummaged in a coat pocket for his cigarettes, placing the pack on the table
though none of the others smoked.  He lit one and slumped a little in his
seat, resting his head on the back and allowing Christian a great view of
his throat as he let the smoke slowly out.  Christian was savoring the view
when the pressure on his leg was renewed, Blaine had moved his leg back and
was now rocking it slightly so it was alternately pressed against
Christian's and then withdrawn.  The first time might have been an
accident, this was not, Christian was sure of it now, Blaine was coming on
to him.  Separated by only Blaine's leather and his own denim, Christian
could feel the warmth of his friend's calf against his.

"So are we going to Crux?"  Kyle asked, though Christian was scarcely aware
of it, concentrating as he was on the sensations in his leg and his renewed
arousal caused by them and the twinkle in Blaine's eye as he raised his
head again.

"Sure.  But I want to swing past the church first, see if that Matt kid's
about.  He sometimes has some stuff."

"Give it up Blaine."  Alicia spat, the fist words she had said since
sitting down, contenting herself until then with sipping occasionally at
her coke as though it were a personal enemy.

"Stow it, Alicia."

"Charming."

"Come on guys," Kyle started, "let's not fight, huh?"

"Kyle, why don't you shut up?"

"Alicia."  Kyle whined, trying to forestall the vicious comment he knew was
coming.

"Shut up, and maybe if you're good, Johnny'll let you suck his dick again."

"Christian."  Christian snapped.  "And, no, I won't."

"Oh, shut up, all of you."  Blaine's voice stilled the argument that was
about to erupt, he never had any patience for this sort of thing.  Alicia
sank smugly back in her seat, having scored points off both Kyle and
Christian, Kyle looked like he was about to burst into tears and Christian
looked like he was ready to throttle her.

"Bitch."  Kyle mumbled, in defiance of Blaine's instruction.

"Kyle, shut up," Christian beat Blaine to it, jabbing his elbow into his
younger friend to silence him, "she's not worth it."  He was pissed, Alicia
had no right to speak like that to Kyle, no right at all, but what could he
do without getting Blaine pissed at him?  He scowled at Alicia, completely
ignoring the tortured gaze Kyle had turned on him.

"Let's go, this place is dead," Blaine said as Alicia got to her feet to
let him slide out, he gestured at the only customer left in the place,
sleeping with his head in his arms, the only other two had left just as
Kyle and Christian had come in, "and so is that guy."

"Do you think he is?"  Kyle asked, a note of excitement in his voice.

"Shake him and find out."  Blaine returned, heading for the door without
waiting to see if Kyle actually acted on this facetious suggestion.  He
didn't.  Indicating that Christian should precede him (so he could watch
his ass), Kyle exited the Diner at the end of the little procession.

"Its raining."  Alicia announced as soon as they were all outside.

"Duh, you think?"  Christian asked pointedly, still sore at her for
attacking Kyle and equally sore at himself for caring.

"I meant," Alicia explained with excessive clarity, "that I am not walking
to Crux in the pouring rain."

"Fine.  Wait here."  Blaine crushed out his cigarette without looking at
her and turned round to glance at the other two.  "Christian, Kyle and me
are going, right?"

"Right," they both chorused.  To annoy Alicia in Kyle's case and to please
Blaine in Christian's.  And so they set out through the rain, which was
slowing in any case in the direction of Crux and, en route, the church
where Blaine might readily score some dope.  Somehow Christian found
himself walking side by side with Blaine with Kyle trailing a little way
behind and Alicia taking the lead, disinclined to talk further to any of
the boys and plotting ways to get even with Blaine.

"So what's with Kyle?"  Blaine asked in a low voice so as not to be
overheard.

"In what way?"

"Come on, Chris, normally he can't take his eyes off you, tonight he looks
like he wants to kill you."

"I think maybe he does."

"Yeah?  Why?"

"He says he loves me, I told him I don't love him."  Christian gave a
little shrug.

"Harsh."

"Better to lie to him?"

"No, but you shouldn't treat him so mean, he's just a kid."

"He's a baby."  Christian replied flatly.

"Man, that's cold.  Why do you let him blow you then?"

"So what's with you and Alicia?"

"Subject change, huh?"  Blaine glanced sideways at Christian as they
walked, and flashed him a killer smile.

"Yeah."  His discomfort forced Christian to look away, and to pray that his
erection wouldn't return at that moment.

"Commitment issues."

"Such as?"

"Such as she thinks I want to dump her and jump you."  Blaine replied with
astonishing frankness, looking at Christian again to gauge his reaction.
Externally there was none, being forewarned by Kyle about their argument,
but inside Christian's thoughts were a total mess, so it took him some time
to formulate an answer.

"Do you?"  He finally managed.

"She can be a pain, Chris, but I'm not sure I want to dump her."

"That's not what I meant."  The lack of answers, and Blaine's insistence on
calling him Chris was beginning to annoy him.

"I know."  Blaine grinned broadly again, knowing that for all his apparent
control, Christian wanted him badly.  "What do you want to hear, Chris?
That I'm hot for your bod?  You're as bad as he is."  He jerked his head
over his shoulder at the forlorn figure of Kyle trailing along about ten
feet behind them.

"No!  I am not!  That's not it at all."

"Oh?"  Blaine's smile was gone.  "You don't want to hear that I want you?"

"Well, yes, of course I do, but its different, I'm not like desperate for
it, I'm not in love with you or any of that bullshit."

"Oh, real different."

"So what is it then?  Are you or aren't you?"  Christian demanded, ignoring
the jibe, his anger growing as Blaine teased him and likened him to the
totally pathetic Kyle.

"Can't say I am."

"Oh."

"But," Blaine paused significantly, "while the Ice Queen is in the mood
she's in, it might be kinda fun to fool around. You're not a bad kisser,
Chris."

"Really?"  Christian knew the moment the word passed his lips how
pathetically eager he sounded, and his blushing did nothing to improve the
situation.  But the kisses he had shared with Blaine recently had been so
good that he was almost prepared to beg him to take it further.

"Matter of fact, I could use some tonight."  He squeezed his crotch and
winked at Christian, this was the most overtly sexual thing Blaine had ever
done in his presence and it made him gasp.  "Maybe when we get to Crux we
could slip off for a few?"

"Okay."  Christian would have agreed to pretty much anything right then, so
keen was he to have Blaine's cock, of which he had just been given an
unrivalled view as the older boy grasped it through the leather of his
pants.

"Cool."

"But I thought you didn't do boys?"  Christian heard himself say.

"I don't," Blaine replied with a shrug, "but you do."


Continued in Chapter 5...