Date: Fri, 14 Feb 2003 19:51:17 -0600
From: Condor <Condor@thevortex.com>
Subject: Gabriel's Journey - Chapter 2

Gabriel's Journey

Chapter 2

"Ok, there isn't actually any sex in this chapter. But Panic not, I'm
building my self up to a climax (pun defiantly intended!)So keep reading. I
really need some good solid advice on my writing style. Good, Bad, Cheesy
or Artistic? Talk to me and tell me what you think. It would be much
appreciated and might give me some insight!

Thanks a lot!
The Condor
Condor@thevortex.com


"The meeting of two personalities is like the contact of two chemical
substances: if there is any reaction, both are transformed."

Carl Jung (1875 - 1961)


And now he was here. Four weeks later. Gabriel still remembered the night
they had spent together, writhing and moaning. Bodies locked together in
the throes of ecstasy. In that one brief time frame there had been noting
either would not have done for each other. They were not two, but a single,
taking pleasure from each other, reaching new heights and hen climbing
higher.  It was the most intense sexual experience of Gabriel life, and he
had had a few.

When he woke at midday the next morning Zak was gone. Gabriel expected to
feel devastated. After all he had just had the most intense night of his
life with the most beautiful guy he had ever seen, and he was gone,
expected never to return.  Yet....Yet...It was as if sunlight had returned
his cock and hormones to there original, pre encounter state. As well as
returning most his common sense.

Ok..It was a wonderful night. And they had had great sex. But, that's all
it was. Great sex. The intensity and need for each other that seemed to
drive them to new heights last night had dissipated to a drizzle with the
rays of dawn and Gabriel was experienced enough to know that sex, while
dizzying meant truly nothing meaningful or connective in the end.

Making love was different of course and that was kind of, in some ways,
what it had seemed like they had done last night. The more he thought about
it though, the more he realised they didn't really. At least, Gabriel
didn't think so. It was purely animalistic and base, driven on by primal
urges. The desire for pleasure coupled with the desire to be with someone.
Not that he minded any of that. Not at all.  It all added to the power and
energy of the experience but he had to draw the line of reality somewhere
and so chalked it up to a happy, but baseless encounter.

Hey, guys like that didn't even stay available. He was probably already
back in the arms of some other love (maybe even a wife!) kissing and
telling him (her!) how he missed the last TransTube and had slept on the
station! Gabriel had chuckled to himself at the thought and, after putting
his sheets in the autocleaner, had gone to work with a healthy glow and an
equally healthy pragmatism about the whole situation. And he didn't think
he would ever see Zak again.

Yet, here he was! Plainly on Gabriel's door step and, quite frankly,
looking like he had had the shit beaten out of him. Gabriel was more than a
little surprised. The Adonis who he never expected to see again was here.
He was standing, gawking at him with the liquid green eyes that had so
captivated Gabriel in their first encounter. He swayed slightly, drunkenly
and Gabriel put out a steadying hand, worried he would fall and injure
himself. When his arm came to rest around that lithe body it seemed to
slump, as if full of turgid gas that had been let out through a
valve. Gabriel could almost feel Zak modelling to him, a thought that
Gabriel couldn't help but feel slightly aroused by.  He pulled Zak into the
apartment and thumbed the door closed.

"Maggie full lights. Activate coffee percolator. Extra strong" Was he
drunk? Gabriel couldn't smell alcohol. Rapz high? No, he didn't the vapid,
sorrowful expression, unfocused and lost, the trade mark body language of a
rapz freak. He looked at the limp, bleeding form of Zak. Zak stared back,
waiting for something, it seemed, anything.  They stood for another
moment. "Welll..." said Gabriel. He paused.

Humour was sometimes the best tactic to defuse tension so Gabriel decided
on a small joke to break the ice. Something light and suggestive. That had
always worked befor.  "Uhhh..you left you condom here last time" he grinned
at Zak "I can get it for you if you like!" Zak promptly burst into floods
of tears. "Ooops" said Gabriel's inner voice "you've done it now!" Gabriel
responded by giving his inner voice a hearty kick on its metaphoric behind!

This was a new turn and something Gabriel had not foreseen happening. He
came from a long line of Ash's who believed that feeling were something to
be held inside and not so emotionally displayed. The sight of a full-grown
man sobbing like a baby made him feel a little uneasy. Yet he could not
ignore that it was his beautiful Zak and that Zak was truly a man feeling
pain. More than physical it seemed. No man could be this distraught from
mere bruises. At least, none that he had ever met.  Banishing the former of
the two feelings to the bowels of his mind he grabbed the man in a hug and
pulled him close to him, acutely aware that he was still only wearing a
bath robe. Every muscular curve seemed to press into him in a erotic,
sensuous manner and Gabriel felt the first stirrings of an erection deep
within his groin.

"Pull yourself together" he snapped at his body. "This is serious, not some
school boy grope" he held Zak for a short time, letting him work out his
grief and sorrow onto his shoulder, which grew damp. Eventually the sobs
subsided into snuffles and Gabriel led him into the main living area and
sat him on the bed. In the small kitchenette the percolator had extracted
two small cups of coffee from beans made in equal parts of coffee and
chemicals and dispensed them into polyfoam cups. Gabriel grabbed them and
handed one to Zak. The other smiled slightly. Gabriel returned with a warm
grin and sat down next to him.  Now that he was opposite, he was able to
get a better look at his night-time intruder.

He was a mess, that was for certain. His lip had stopped bleeding but was
swollen, as was his eye. His Pyjama's were torn, one of the arms almost
ripped off. Pyjama's? Why would anybody walk around New Seattle in the
middle of the night wearing nothing by Pyjama's.  He tried to hide his
surprise by coughing slightly and adjusting his dressing gown.

"Mind if I take a shower?" questioned Zak. His voice was exactly the same
as Gabriel remembered it. Musical and slightly sing song and very Soft. It
made him shiver just to hear it.  Gabriel nodded. "There a bath robe on the
inside of the door if you want to use that" Zak nodded the affirmative and
disappeared

Gabriel rubbed his aching back, where he had fallen only minutes before and
looked at his own bemused face in the reflection of a mirror. What the hell
was going on? Not that he minded Zak turning up on his door of course. The
guy was gorgeous to be sure and he couldn't help feel slightly intoxicated
by the fact that Zak had decided to seek him out again, even though that
hadn't seen each other since that promised night a month ago. The fact
still remained however that Zak had wept floods of tears. Not the sign of a
person at ease with themselves. Gabriel frowned. That was something you
didn't do unless there was something wrong. Zak had seemed distraught and
probably with good reason.

Did Gabriel want to get caught up in another man's problems? On one hand
Gabriel had no idea what the problem might be. What if Zak was involved in
something serious like Rapz smuggling or something equally unsavoury?
Gabriel didn't really want to know. The last thing he needed was a tag on
his toe and a cold box!  Yet Zak didn't really strike Gabriel as the type
to go in for that sort of thing. He didn't seem the 'macho gangster'
type. Gabriel wondered if he were making too much out of old Viddisc's he
had seen. In those, gangsters always wore black and were called Nitro,
Dethhead or some other ridiculous nickname. Maybe Zak was the 'new'
gangster. Innocent right up until the point the energy pulse hit you
between the eyes! Gabriel checked is imagination with a snip! This was
heading into the realms of fantasy. He needed to think clearly and on track
if he was to have any way of sorting this problem out. OK, so what else?

Steam was gently wafting out of the bathroom door. Gabriel started at the
billowing clouds and sighed. What would cause someone to come out in there
pyjamas at 3 am? What?

Well, part of it was obvious. He'd been beaten badly. His pyjamas were
nearly ripped off his body. That didn't explain why he'd picked Gabriel
though. There were approximately 2 billion people living on Mars and
Gabriel figured that, statistically, Zak had to know more of them more
closely than Gabriel. There was something strange going on and Gabriel
needed to get to the bottom of it. Or did he? Was he really willing to
delve that far?


The voice drifted from the bathroom, musical and soft. Carried on the hot
steamy air currents, it floated around the room before settling, blanketing
the small apartment with a gentle, uplifting tone. Gabriel smiled. He had
never heard a voice quite like it. He liked to believe his own voice
carried a good tune but there was something ethereal about the way the
notes soared, how Zak could hold a chord with such crystal clarity. It was
angelic and ominous at the same time. Light yet shadowy, Sweet yet off key
and quite, quite mysterious.

Gently Gabriel stood up and eased his way over to the bathroom door. The
shower was still running, steam still oozing into the coldness of the
apartment. The haunting song continued and, now, as Gabriel listened, the
Lyrics took shape and meaning.

Every time I travel this way On every journey I must stay Within the places
that I find Would trap my soul Yet free my mind And thought I may be bound
and chained Yet something still alive remains.

Upon a ridge, high up the pass I tread these wanton, weary paths Which
bring me back unto the gate The portal closed And night now waits And after
dismal final song Still something of me lingers on.

And still I want, for wanting sake Still travelling in another's wake
Until, at last, I'll be my own A spirit soars No more alone And then I,ll
finally make my way From darkness into glorious day.

It was somewhat of a tragic song, Gabriel could tell. It seemed to be
filled with hope and yet sorrow at the same time. He had never heard it
before. Or the tune for that matter. What did it mean?

Gabriel was so busy musing over the lyrics that he didn't hear the shower
being switched off. He didn't hear Zak leave the shower cubicle and he
didn't hear him cross the bathroom to where Gabriel stood at the door,
still lost deep in thought. The first Gabriel knew of it was when he was
poked in the shoulder and looked up to see Zak, smiling and pulling on the
dressing gown of the back of the bathroom door. Gabriel could not help but
stare. That chiselled body. Lean yet perfect muscles. Gabriel was reminded
of a statue he had once seen in an art museum. Graceful and flowing, each
line a work of art on its own, perfectly formed. Again he was astounded how
anyone could be so...irrisistable!  As Gabriel's gaze lingered on the body
thought he couldn't help but notice the ugly bruises on the arms and
chest. And on the back.

Something else. Gabriel couldn't be sure because Zak covered them up too
quickly but, were they lash marks? They looked like it. Evil red furrows
painfully bisecting his back from his shoulder blades, almost to the top of
his cute ass. Finally, his gaze met with Zak's emerald eyes and he couldn't
help but blush. Zak seemed to be watching him, staring with a unnerving
intensity that made Gabriel blush. He scooted out of the bathroom and into
the kitchenette, where the percolator had dispensed two more cups of
coffee. Gabriel sighed. It looked like he hadn't quite ironed all the
glitches out of Maggie. That's what you got for buying second hand.

A slight whirr of servos behind him told him that Zak had sat on the
bed. Gabriel grabbed the polyfoam cups and hurried them over to where Zak
was sitting, looking very much like a rather cute polar bear in a bath robe
that was too large for him. Gabriel started to smile but then remembered
the circumstances under which they had met and locked it in. he re-arranged
his face into a more serious expression and sat down on the edge of the bed
next to Zak, handing one of the cups to him.

"Thanks"

"Don't mention it"

As Zak took the cup, Gabriel examined him again. The blood had been washed
away by the shower, although the bruising was still prominent. It was going
to be a shiner alright. The lip was also not as swollen as it had been. All
in all, he looked a lot better than he did fifteen minutes ago. Zak
grimaced as he swallowed the coffee and Gabriel had to grin then.

"I know. Maggie doesn't make the best coffee. No matter what brand I buy,
it always ends up tasting of used dishwater!"

"Maggie?" Zak asked

"My voxcomp. Somehow It didn't feel right. Her not having a name I
mean. After all, I think I spend more time talking to her than anybody
else"

"That's Sad" Zak smiled his soft, slow smile.

"Not really. It's not totally true. I talk with the people I work with, and
I go out a lot so I,m never really lonely. I fill my time."

"What do you do"

"Ohhhh, I,m a terraform engineer. I supervise one of the terraforming Units
in New Bangkok and, you know, make sure its spitting out all the corrects
ratio's of Oxygen, Nitrogen etc etc."

"Sounds fun" Zak said, a little sarcasm in his voice, which Gabriel found
amusing. It was the first time Zak had been more than platonic.

Gabriel Shrugged. "I enjoy it, I,m good at it and I live of it so its not
all bad. Plus there are some really cute guys there" he grinned wickedly,
trying to lighten the atmosphere slightly.

Zak didn't smile and Gabriel felt a little put out. It was getting quite
difficult trying to hold a conversation with someone who didn't really
speak in sentences more than four or fives words long. The he remembered
why Zak had come here in the first place and bit down on his lip. Hard. The
pain brought him back to his senses He still had to find out what was so
wrong. Why had Zak been beaten and why had he come here. He stared at the
green eye and tried control his racing heart and rapidly swelling
manhood. Damn that! This was important!

Zak put his empty coffee cup and sat, staring at his knees

"Uhh, would you like some more?" Gabriel asked politely. Zak shook his
head.


"Where do you come from?"

"Earth. I mean...Chicago. Illinois. You know, America"

"Do you want to tell me any more that that. Parents, family, that sort of
thing?"

Again the shake

Gabriel tried not to sigh in frustration. He wanted to give Zak the time he
needed to tell his side but at the same time, he wanted to Zak to be able
to open up to him. Really open up.

Now, Why would that be? Why would he want a near virtual stranger to pour
out his very soul to him? He remembered thinking that he wasn't sure he
wanted to know earlier and immediately felt guilty. What sort of selfish
fool would think like that? That was banished to the past now. He really
did want to help now. But why? Was he falling for Zak? So quickly? It
didn't feel like it. Sure, he was intense to be with, but an emotional
union? Besides, he wasn't sure Zak felt the same way.

There was a couple of minute's silence. Neither looked at the other and
Gabriel became gradually more frustrated, intrigued and a little upset. He
made to stand. This was going nowhere and he need to stretch.

"I really did love him you know" It came out as a choked whisper.

Gabriel sat back down quickly.

"Who?"

"My partner. We were together for nearly 2 years. He used to set my heart
pounding every time we talked. He seemed to know exactly what I was saying
and what to say In return. He as...he was...wonderful"

"Was?"

A slight nod.

"Is he dead?"

"No"

Gabriel shook his head. It sounded like Zak and his partners were still
very much in love. Yet here he was. The use of the past tense seemed to
indicate the relationship was over. Sooo.....what? Was Zak here to try and
seduce him. If so, this was a very elaborate way to go about it. Beating
yourself up. A sympathy ploy? Noooo..Zak didn't seem the type and the
beating had been severe. So, what did that leave? His help perhaps? Maybe
Zak needed his help to get him and his partner back together. That seemed a
little more likely. Yet, why him?

"Think Gabriel" his inner voice told him "don't rush this and make a
blunder of it like the last time. They're something that this guy needs to
get off his chest. Try to be more patient" Gabriel grimmaced at his inner
voice. He wasn't very good at 'patient'

"Soooo, you're not going out together anymore?"

"No"

"I,m...uhhhh...I,m sorry to here that."

"I,m not sorry! Not anymore! Not at all!"

The intensity and ferociousness in the way this last phrase came out
startled and confused Gabriel even further. It sounded hot and angry and
hurt. A strange bitter blend of the three.

"You don't miss him them?"

"Not anymore"

Gabriel couldn't see any sign of deception as he held Zak's gaze.

"Why?"

No answer, just a slight down turning of the eyes, so that Zak seemed to be
staring at Gabriel's chest.

"Soooo..Ummmmm.....look, I,m a little confused. You, you don't love him
anymore?"

"Yes, and No"

That was it. Gabriel was gone. Totally lost. This was all too much. Here
was a one night stand..

..No! Gabriel wouldn't call it that. Perhaps before Zak had turned up but
not now. It was too intense, this backash of feelings and desires within
him. Too beautiful, Too raw, too...Gabriel checked himself with a quick
mental kick. Too close to making him vomit if he wasn't careful with all
these adjectives! Still. He couldn't deny it. There had been something
profound and wonderful about that night. He couldn't just shrug it off as
casual sex anymore. Not since Zak had turned up again. What was he trying
to say to him?

He adjusted his dressing gown slightly and tried desperately to think of
something to say. Nothing came to mind. He wished he had been born hetro, a
thought he hadn't had in along time, then quickly dismissed it as stupid
and crass. He didn't want to change. He enjoyed his life and who he
was. Sure, it wasn't the richest, or most opulent life available, or even
the most popular sexual preference. he could live it thought knowing he had
earned what he had and worked hard for it. And that he had been true to
himself. All those years at the university had paid off in more than one
way! Sure he was young to be offworld but, at 20, Gabriel was sure he had
done the right thing!

"I like your accent. Its sexy" Whispered Zak, breaking Gabriel's train of
thought and making him look up. It was the first sexual reference Zak had
said to him since the conversation had started. Was he interested?

"Uhhhhh..thanks, I guess"

"Your English aren't you?"

"Yes. I come from York originally but I moved to London to train as a
Terraform engineer. I was the highest in my class" he added proudly, then
immediately wished he hadn't. It had sounded smug and superior and he
didn't want to appear cocky at all in front of Zak.

There it was again. What did he care so much about what this guy thought of
him. Sure he was cute, and giving, and shy, and clever and all the things
that Gabriel found endearing qualities in a man, but he had found those in
lots of men and had never really given them a second thought. If he were
honest with himself he hadn't really given Zak much of a second thought
either. Not until tonight. Yet the more he sat with Zak, the more he
couldn't help but drink him in. That slim, firm body. Expressive, open face
and those shockingly green eyes. They way his hair cascaded down his
shoulders. The ways his hands clasped and unclasped. His smell, his
voice. His personality. Everything. Everything!

Damn! Gabriel excused himself and went to the toilet. He needed to get out
of Zak's presence, because his rapidly growing erection was threatening to
give him away. This was serious! Somebody was about to tell him something
profound and all he could think about was sex. He felt like one of those
porn stars in some of the viddisc's he had seen. An empty shell, Driven by
one thing, and one thing alone and not to be taken seriously at all. This
wasn't the time for that!

When he returned from the toilet Zak was sitting, staring at the empty
polyfoam cup. Gabriel guessed it to be a cue.

"More coffee?"

Zak shook his head

"Well, I think I need another. It is early after all"

He glanced at the clock but it could no loner been seen, the apartment
being illuminated"

"Maggie, the time please"

"The time is three forty five AM. The ambient air temperature is 16
degree's Celsius. There air humidity is 0.4 particles above normal...There
are"

"Stop!" Snapped Gabriel, feeling annoyed that he hadn't fully got around to
reprogramming another glitch out of his voxcomp yet, and even more annoyed
that it had showed him up in front of Zak. That made him feel annoyed with
himself that he cared so much what Zak thought. He wished he could go and
take a cold shower. Then he wondered if that would help.

He grabbed a coffee from the percolator, which seemed to be happily making
its fifth cup, oblivious to the fact that nobody wanted anymore and looked
at Zak, wondering if he had noticed. He was sitting on the edge of the bed,
smiling slightly, his eyes cloudy, his gaze fixed. He seemed to be saying
something, his lips moving but no sound issuing forth. Tear tracks smeared
his face and Gabriel knew he had been crying. He suddenly felt very tired
and lost. Old beyond his years.  This experience was emotionally draining
and Gabriel wasn't sure he had it in him anymore to help Zak beyond what he
had already done. Zak obviously didn't want to explain what was wrong and
was either unable or unwilling to open up to Gabriel. And now he seemed to
be in a different place all together. Well enough was enough. This was
going no where and the whole affair had been pretty one sided to begin
with. Let someone else deal with the nuroses of it all! Preferably a
psycho-analyst. Or Zak's boyfriend. On reflection, that was probably the
better choice! He would know him better after all.

Gabriel slugged his coffee back and went to the wall-com.

"Ok Zak, I think we both need to sleep now". His voice sounded pertulant
and slightly haughty. As if he were speaking to a naughty seven year
old. "I need the number for your boy friend. He can come round and pick
you, ok?"

The effect was immediate and electric. Zak shot up right like he had been
hit with a thunderbolt. Hi green eyes were wide and liquid, naked terror
shone here in, like some weird green energy as they latched onto him. His
hands clenched and unclenched.

"No, Please don't! You can't! I won't go back!"  I Won't! I won't go back!"

Gabriel stared at the other in shock and surprise. It was the most animated
he had ever seen Zak. He was obviously mortified. The thought of him being
made to go back seemed to frighten him immensly. What the hell was going
on? Was he lucid?

"Zak look, You said you love your boyfriend and I think it sounds like he
loves you. I know you said you aren't going out anymore and all that but
frankly, I don't know of anyone else to call. Do you have anyone else you
can stay with on Mars?"

Zak shook his head dumbly

"Well then, I think it's for the best. Maybe you can patch up your problems
or something. Oh, I don't know. Besides, you need help. You've had the crap
beaten out of you man and I think you need to be checked out. Perhaps your
boyfriend will swing around the medical centre with you? I'll call Dr
Sanchez and let him know your on the way. Does your boyfriend have a
flyer?"

Zak nodded almost puppet like, head moving up and down in animated fashion.

"Great! Wellll at least they can give you something for that bruise and
may...maybe...uhhhh..."

Gabriel tacked off into silence. Zak had gone slack, like all the bone had
been sucked out of him. His gaze was fixed and his whole face looked like
the colour of ash that had been cold a long time. His features looked, at
that moment in time, gaunt and expressionless. As if the real Zak had fled
away into a void and all that remained was a hollow carcass of flesh. A
shambling automaton with no real feeling what so ever.

"Uhhhhhhhhh" was all that Gabriel could manage.

What had he said? What was so bad? It sounded like Zak and his partner
could sort out their relationship. After all, they both loved each
other. At least that was the impression he got. Hadn't Zak said that? In
any case, he needed to see the Doctor and make sure nothing more serious
had happened. After that sort of beating who knows what internal injures
could have occurred. It was was best to play it safe..

..safe..

..safe?

Beating..

Doctor..

*CLICK*

That's when it hit him? That's when he realised. In that quite moment, with
the VC unit still clutched in his hand, he understood. Everything. The
song, the bruises, the crying, the deliberate evasion of answers. It all
lead to one thing. One horrible, relentless truth. Gabriel didn't want to
face it, didn't want to have to acknowledge it. Didn't want to realise that
he had almost extended it. It seemed like a hideous nightmare. Images of
The lash marks on Zak's back and the horrible bruising all over his body
marched relentlessly in a macabre slideshow through his mind. Every injury
was played out, magnified, rotated and examined in perfect clarity. The VC
Unit clattered to the floor and slid under the sofa. He was consumed with
the guilt of his own unawareness.

"It was him wasn't it." Gabriel wasn't sure if this was his voice. It
sounded so far away and distant, as if he were speaking to himself from
across a great crevasse. "He did it all"

Zak's slight nod was all he needed

In an instant, all was forgotten. All the guilt and lust Gabriel had
felt. All the frustration and wonder and confusion was obliterated in that
one true ray of understanding. The beam of sunshine that penetrated the fog
and illuminated naked reality.

It took Gabriel four strides to reach Zak and gather him up in his arms. As
he did so, he felt the walls break, the barriers that had been so carefully
erected, swept away in the tide of naked emotion that now exploded out of
Zak and through him, whipping him around, carrying him on a sea of
despair. A dark, hidden misery, trapped and waiting for the release that
had been finally granted. No one could reach out and touch such raw naked
sadness, sadness born out of love and hate in equal parts. It scoured him
clean, consumed him. He knew the full, terrible injustice of it. That which
had been done to him, to Zak. To them both. They were an equal measure of
each other, they were joined in a new unity one again.

Gabriel felt that dark kernel of love, hate, sorrow and fury enter him,
physically enter him and bear him away with Zak into a void so dark, that
time had no meaning.

Together, wrapped in each other's arms, the cried for what they both had
lost.