That's not right. I don't...wake up alone anymore. Do I?
As my senses kicked in, and what was left of my blood supply began to circulate naturally again, my brain begain to figure things out, and I moved my arm to feel the cool space on the mattress beside me. There was no warmth, no soft skin, no lovely boy to grace me as I was reborn into another day. I wrinkled my brow as I fought to remember, and then it hit me. Taryn didn't come home last night. At least not to me. And that was strange. So strange that it worried me. He ALWAYS comes home! ALWAYS!
The returning panic began to build up inside of me before I was even able to sit up in my bed. It began with a cold shiver, and then continued to grow in its intensity until I could hardly keep still. What time was it? How long have I been asleep? I looked at the small clock beside the bed and saw that it was almost eight o'clock, meaning that I had overslept once again. As though my body were somehow stockpiling my energy for something major. Something I doubt that I'd be ready for just yet. There was a quivering inside of me, and my mouth was dry. My tongue was practically sticking to the roof of my mouth, and I felt 'empty' beneath my skin. A quick tremor rushed through me, giving me a warning that I would need sustenance...and soon. But I did my best to ignore it anyway. I hope the others won't be able to tell how hungry I was. I hope I can hide it for a few days more. I lost a lot of blood. A lot. But I was hoping to last just a little bit longer. Just a little bit. At least until Taryn was home and safe.
I was still sooooooo sleepy, but forced myself to sit up anyway. There were no traces of Taryn anywhere. He had this cute habit of opening our little makeshift closet to get his clothes out, and he'd leave it open a crack. Not much, but just enough. I could always tell when he had been there. And last night...or early this evening....he hadn't been.
I shook what was left of my hibernation drowsiness, nd got out of bed. I could still feel the tremble in my hands as I moved to get dressed. I could faintly hear other voices outside, and was trying hard to her if one of them was Taryn's. I pulled a shirt on over my head, and felt myself speeding up, getting more and more excited as I got closer to being fully dressed. A huge part of me was hoping that I'd jump out of this place and see Taryn smiling at me from the center of the lot. Ready to accept a tight hug from me and give me a totally acceptable excuse as to why he didn't come home last night. There was this chilled rush of adrenaline rushing through me as I struggled to put my shoes on so I could go out and see his smile again. But...when I opened the door and swiftly scanned the lot back nd forth with my eyes, hoping to catch sight of him....I saw nothing. Not a trace. In fact, I saw Napolean seated loyally at the front gate, staring out into the darkness, waiting for his owner to return. The dog's eyes had drooped down considerably, and he lowered his head to patiently anticipate Dion's arrival. Completely unaffected by anything else in the lot. It only made me worry even more.
I stepped out into the lot, and the others watched me closely. They knew I'd be looking for my boyfriend. They knew I'd be extremely upset if they didn't provide me with a concrete answer as to where he was. But I didn't care if they were staring at me this time. I didn't give a flying fuck if they thought I was overreacting! I wanted to SEE him! To reach out and touch him and know that he was safe! And as I searched the lot to find no trace of him, I realized that my breath was coming in heavy gasps and huffs. I had to hold on to the door of our trailer just to stand, and my fingernails were digging into the metal on the side. I could almost feel my eyes ready to water up from the vibrations being sent through my body at that moment, and I just stood there, looking at the ground, entertaining my every worst fear simultaneously. Ideas of this doomsday prophecy ran through my mind, and I tried to think about it logically while my heart was beating frantically in my chest.
I wanted to take another step forward, but was held still. I wanted to wipe the guilt and fear from my thoughts, and chalk this all up to Taryn and the guys just having a little extra fun without me being there...but it remained. I wondered if he was hurt. If he was dead. If they were all dead. I should have gone with them. I should have been there. I should have kept tabs on them! I should have....I should have....
Oh my God....
I've got to find them. I've got to get out of here, and find them. I don't even know where to start, but I've got to try. I've GOT to!
I finally was able to let go of my death grip on the side door of the trailer, and I walked out into the center of the lot where the others were all doing their usual 'thing'. They didn't seem too worried, but I was. I needed to know. In six months, Taryn has never spent a single sleep cycle without me...why would he start now? It doesn't make sense. It's not logical. Something happened to him. I KNOW it did! I can feel it!
"Hey, Superman!" I heard the boyish voice coming from the side, and saw Gyro standing there, sucking on a green apple Jolly Rancher candy piece. "I'm going out clubbing tonight, you wanna come? I'm feeling kinda lonely without my adoring liquored up 'fans' lately. Whaddya say?"
Ignoring his question, I looked around once more, and asked him, "Gyro...have you seen Taryn around? I mean, anywhere?"
"Sure I did!" He said, and my heart leapt up into my throat.
"Well, of course I did. Just last night. Him and Dion and Dylan went out to do the laundry. Didn't he tell you?"
My heart sank instantly. "No, Gyro. I mean....since then. They haven't come back yet. And...Taryn never stays out all night without telling me."
"Oh...um...well, no. Can't say that I've seen him since last night." He said, and wrinkled up his forehead a bit as he saw the concerned look on my face. "Is everything alright?"
"No..." I said, my bottom lip quivering as I tried to keep the tears at bay. "...I don't know where he is or what he's doing. And Dion and Dylan never came back either. I just...I don't know what to do..."
"Chill out, dude. Seriously. They'll be back soon. Everybody needs a break from this dump every once in a while." Gyro was trying to comfort me, but my heart wouldn't let me calm down. Not even a little bit. Where is he? Where is my only reason for living in darkness?
As soon as Jenna walked by me, she could feel my stress, and turned with a stressful look of her own. "Jenna? Have you seen Taryn? Have you seen him ANYWHERE since last night???" I asked nervously.
I could feel her emotions muffle themselves, probably a trick Dion had taught her to control her empath abilities, but she could still sense how scared I was that something had gone terribly wrong. "I haven't seen him, honey. But he'll be alright. Really. Don't..."
"DON'T TELL ME NOT TO WORRY!!!!" I shouted, and the whole lot stopped for a moment. I felt a bit embarrassed about my outburst, and saw Bryson heading in my direction. Shit...here we go. When he got close enough, I didn't even give him a chance to speak. I told him, "Don't you dare tell me that this is normal, Bryson. Don't you do it. This is NOT normal. This is ANYTHING but normal! Ok?"
"Don't fucking tell me to 'calm down', my boyfriend is MISSING!"
Bryson attempted to put a hand on my shoulder, but I quickly pushed it away. "I told you, Justin...it's nothing to worry about. Ok? I sent Max, Kid, and Rain, out looking for him tonight. They know all of his usual haunts, all of his favorite places, all of the sanctuaries in those areas. There's no way that they're gonna come home without him. He'll be home soon, and you can put your bad thoughts to rest. For right now, I just need you to be patient. Alright?" Bryson asked, looking into my eyes. "He's safe, Justin. Taryn is safe."
"How do you even KNOW that?" I sniffled, still flustered and distressed...looking back and forth from one end of the lot to the other. Hoping to see a sign of my sweetheart nearby. "He's hurt. I know that he's hurting. I can feel it. I've....I've gotta go look for him."
Bryson put his arm out to stop me. "No, Justin. What you need to do right now is see Jun and take part in your meditation excercise for this evening. Theory was last night, practice is tonight. It's important to get through this before you feed again."
"No! You don't understand! I HAVE to find him!"
"I've already got people looking for him..."
"NO!!!! I'VE got to find him!!!!" I whimpered. "He's in danger, Bryson! I have to protect him!"
"In danger of what?" He asked. What do I say at this point? Do I tell him about the prophecy? Should I expose them to that level of dread, of fear, of hoplessness? Constant paranoia over something they can't control. No more secrets, right? Secrets are what got me here. I should probably tell them. Anything to save Taryn's life, right? They can help me protect him. They can help me keep him out of harms way. I should just.....just... "Justin....talk to me. What makes you think that Taryn's in danger?"
"There's.........there's...." I attempted to speak, but my voice was suddenly cut off by a turbulent tremor that came from within. An insatiable hunger. It suddenly took a hold of me, and I had to cross my arms over my middle to keep it from ripping my stomach in half. It was sudden....and serious...and I wasn't prepared for it at all. I don't think it had ever been that bad before. Never. "Ahhhh! Jesus!" I said, holding onto Bryson's shoulder to keep myself from falling to my knees. "What...what's happening?"
"You're hungry, Justin. Your body used what it had left to repair your wounds while you slept. Your body is back to it's original state, but you've got to feed it."
"No!!! I've got to find Taryn first!"
"You're in no condition to go searching the streets for Taryn. You have to hunt, and you have to hunt NOW. If you start losing control, there's no way that we'll be able to help you."
"I'm NOT losing my...my con...uuugghhhhh..." I fell down to my knees, and my vision began to twinkle with stars as the pain traveled to every inch of me.
"That's it! I'm sending you out with Jun, right now, to hunt! No discussions!" Bryson said, helping me to my feet again as I felt my fangs slowly push their way through my gums. They only came down halfway, itching for just a taste of something warm...that life giving elixir that would return my life to me. My skin was so pale. I hardly recognized my own hand when I looked at it...shaking softly in front of my eyes. I felt tears run down my cheeks as my half hidden fangs poked out a half inch further, and my eyes turned crimson red. Why did it hit me so hard? Why was it so much more sudden than the other times. There was hardly any warning at all. Maybe that's why I never see the others hesitate to feed. Why I've never seen them hold back long enough to feel the sudden rush and agonizing pain of the thirst's deadly symptoms. They made 'appointments' to go hunting like they would to pay a visit to the dentist. They knew their charts. They followed the rules. And they refilled their supply before it ever got to this point. Would I become one of them? Would I soon numb myself to the horror and throw my hesitation away with the last remining drops of my humanity? I wonder.
I felt Jun put his hands on my shoulders, and he turned my head to look him in the eye. "Justin? Justin, look at me, ok?" He said, staring deeply. "Find your focus, Justin. Find your focus, close your eyes, and take yourself away from this." I didn't respond, just felt more tears pour down my face as my stomach collapsed in on itself. It felt flat as a pancake, spasming painfully as it realized that it had been more than half a year since a single morsel of food had passed through it. A fever rose up inside of me, and my heart began to cramp up tight from the lack of fluids in my system. "Justin? Justin, can you hear me?" I could, but only faintly. My eardrums were pounding with the sound of my irregular heartbeat, throbbing out of control. There was no hiding this from the others. No clandestine moves to avoid the fact that I needed to kill again. This was serious. This was unimaginably real. "JUSTIN?!?!" Jun yelled, and I looked at him through blood red eyes, my vision blurred. And I nodded my head a bit to acknowledge his cries. "Concentrate...ok? Come on! You remember what I taught you, right? Right?" I started to lose sight of him. Almost stopped hearing his voice. I was drowning in the pain. Unable to free myself from it.
Suddenly...as things got worse, I stepped back from Jun and dropped down to my knees again! "Justin??? Jesus!" Bryson yelled, running back to find Doc to see if he could help. I looked down, and saw granuals of dirt and sand swirling up around my fingertips. Small bits of paper and tiny objects of debris...floating up from the dirt surface...spinning around me as if in orbit. I blinked some more, my vision burning in agony, and saw the small particles of sand spin faster. Then...as another sharp pain crashed its way through my intestines...I raised my head up to the sky, and screamed! I shouted out towards the heavens in pain, with a voice so unnatural, so powerful, that I couldn't believe tht it even came from me! "AHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!!!!!!!!" I heard the sound of car windows shattering, metal being crunched, and the ground rumbling beneath me. It was some kind of telekinetic explosion that forced its way out of me in a giant bubble, and destroyed everything within ten feet of me. The sand and debris dropped instantly to the ground, and my fever burned hotter than ever, as I landed on my hands and stayed there on all fours. I could only pray that this would pass quickly.
"Justin....you're ok. Alright. You're gonna be ok. You just need to concentrate. Ok?" Jun's voice was shaking. I could feel his emotions, sense his thoughts, read his desires...
"Justin....you're ok. Alright? You're gonna be ok. You just need to concentrate. Ok?" I said it back to him, word for word, in his own voice...almost like an echo. And I think it caught him by surprise. Finally, I managed to get out..."H-h-help.....me....PLEASE!"
Jun thought for a second, and he scrambled around looking for a rock. He found a nice sized stone nearby and rushed back over to me. "Open your hand! Come on...OPEN IT!" He commanded, and I reached up to feel him put the rock in the center of my palm. "Now REMEMBER!" He told me. "Remember the stone. Concentrate on the stone. Nothing else exists...just the stone. No pain. No hunger. No worry. Just...this."
I was trying. I was trying so hard to focus, but the pain pinched and yanked at my insides so violently that it was hard to get Jun's extra to work. I was panting heavily, hoping to ride this out to the end. And I felt my right side twist up tightly, making me gasp. I clutched the rock in desperation, my fist nearly squeezing it until it broke...and as I looked at the abandoned car beside me, I saw the hood dent and crinkle up like paper, as if it was being held and crushed in my vice-like grip. Control it Justin....control it. Breathe. Just breathe.
At long last, I felt a tingle in the back of my mind. I saw the lights dim on everything around me, and the stars disappeared from the sky. The pain in my stomach didn't magically disappear, but it seemed to slowly be losing its importance when compared to the focus of the stone. The world slowly melted away, the darnkess enveloped me, and soon...I began to fade as well. The stone was floating there before me, alone in the nothingness. The only object in existence. And soon, my pain was gone. Or....at least...it was in a world that I didn't belong to at that moment. I might have been screaming from the agony of being ripped in two someplace else...but here? Locked in this peaceful solitude? Nothing could touch me. Nothing. It was the only thing to calm me down.
I remembered watching that hovering rock for a while, and then feeling the rest of reality slowly weave itself back into my consciousness. I could see the outlines of things at first, then a blurry black and white vision, soon bleeding with color, and sounds became audible again. I was back. I was awake again. And the pain was gone. I saw Jun waving his hand in front of my eyes, trying to wake me out of my trance. "Snap out of it! Are you ok?"
"Um...I think so." I answered, rubbing my eyes. "How long was I under?"
"About thirty minutes. Give or take." He said.
"THIRTY MINUTES??? It felt like it was just a couple of seconds!"
"Yeah...it can be like that sometimes. It's hard to keep track of anything outside of the trance once you're in there." He looked into my eyes and I guess he figured that I was ok. "Look, we'va gotta get you fed, dude. Ok? I mean it. I know it's hard, but things are going to be a LOT more painful for you if you don't find a donor soon." He saw my head droop, lowering my chin to my chest. "I'm sorry, Justin. It's what we are. It's how we survive." I didn't say anything at first, just did my best to accept it. That's what we all do as a species. Accept it. "Come on, I'll go with you. Cool? We'll travel somewhere close by, and find you a nice scumbag to dine on. It'll make you feel better, knowing you did some good." He smiled, hping that I would somehow see this as a joke. I didn't. I wouldn't. He was asking me to murder someone in cold blood, just to insure my survival long enough to do it again later. He got no smile out of me. He barely got eye contact.
It was then that I looked to the side, to see a much more clearer picture of the car who's hood I completely destroyed during my little 'episode'. I looked closely at the front end wreckage, and my eyes widened. "Is that....the car that Max has been working on?" I asked.
Jun winced a bit, as he answered. "Um...yeah. Yeah, it is."
"The one he's been trying to fix since before I even got here?"
"That's the one."
I looked at it again, the front of it was completely totaled. "Shit...he's gonna fucking KILL me, isn't he?"
"Well...he's definitely gonna try." Jun replied. "I don't suppose there's any way to use that special 'magic' of yours to put it back the way it was, is there?"
"If there is, I don't know how to use it yet."
"Yeaaahhhhh...." Jun trailed off, and then said, "...I think it's better that we not be here when he comes back to the lot for the night. Let's just...go get that bite to eat, huh?" I started to walk forward, but he reminded me, "Get an extra shirt to wear home. K?" His voice was so simple, so plain. There was nothing out of the ordinary about this routine. Nothing strange about what we were going out there to do. We might as well have been going for a late night burger at some greasy dive on the side of town.
So there I was...ready to give away more of my soul. I got another shirt, and quickened my pace as I felt a slight rumble in my stomach again. This one was minor, hardly noticeable. But it reminded me of what was to come if I delayed it any longer. The thirst had finally come for me once again. And if I didn't give in, it would be taking control from there.
"You ready?" Jun asked me as he waited at the front gate. I looked over at Bryson and Doc, who were watching me closely as I got ready to go out. I straightened up as much as I could, lifted my chin, and nodded. "Alright...let's go."
We were in the streets for over an hour, with Jun making small suggestions about possible donors, and me finding lame excuses to turn them down. I think after the third rejection, he was getting a little aggravated with me. But he didn't really press the issue any more than he had to. Instead, much like Taryn did the first night I want out, he just kept me talking. Kept my mind busy with everyday chit chat, hoping that I would somehow mix my murderous instincts with any other mundane task of the night. Hoping that my darker nature would catch me by surprise and get it all over with before I was able to stop it. For the first time, I wanted him to be right. If I could just stop thinking about it long enough...I could do it. Quickly. And get on with my existence. I just have to...STOP thinking about it!
"How much has Dion showed you?" He asked in mid conversation.
"His extra? Did he show you anything?"
"Oh...um...only basics. I didn't really get it. Bryson had me moving from person to person so fast that it was hard to really retain anything. This stuff is harder to figure than I thought it would be. Especially with you guys."
He smiled, his dark brown eyes glistening from behind his optrix. "So you just 'absorb' stuff and don't know how to use it?"
"Not at ALL! Most of this stuff just 'happens' when I need it. I can't really conjure it up at any particular time when I want to."
"Sure you can. You just did it tonight with the rock in your hand."
"That was different."
"Why?" He asked with a grin. The question was delivered with such a level of simplicity that I realized that I didn't even have an answer. He gave me a look and said, "What you did tonight came from practice. Guided practice, yes, but practice nonetheless. There's no real trick to it. You think about what you need, and what result your looking for...and you bridge the two together through simple concentration. That's it."
"It's not that simple." I said.
"It's not that hard either." He told me. "Lsten, with Dion's extra, you can turn off some of those bothersome emotions when you hunt. It's been a great help to all of us at one time or another. Especially in the beginning. It's a lot like the focus I taught you, but it dulls emotion while sharpening the senses. It might feel a bit strange at first, maybe even a bit sluggish, but it gets the job done."
"How is going to feel strange?"
"Well, our whole lives are pretty much dictated by emotion. Our personality, our behavior, our thoughts...our feelings are tapped into just about everything. Being 'away' from those feelings, even for a few moments, can be a very...alien experience. You kinda think like a computer. All split second decisions, made without any other influence, in order to execute the task at hand. Even though it's gonna feel a bit frightening afterwards...it might help you get through the next couple of donors. At least until your mind is ready to accept it a little better."
"Is that what I want? To accept it a little better?"
"Yes. It is. Trust me on this." He said. "Your conscience can be a terrible thing when it's working against you."
I saw the streets darken slightly as we traveled on, the crowds thinning out as we got into slightly less populated areas. I knew we would be searching for a victim again soon. And I was almost thankful for that....because the hunger pains weren't far away. I could already feel them building up again, my mouth losing its salivated slickness as my teeth began to itch and ache from a lack of 'juice'. Jun told me what he could about Dion's extra, going just a bit further than what he taught me when Bryson commanded everyone to give me a lesson on their abilities. Out of all of them, Dion held back the most. He never really talked about it. Never really demonstrated it in front of anyone else, at least not in a way that we would notice. I wonder why he keeps it so quiet. So secret. I wonder if he knows what it can really do, and how far it can take him if it ever got out of his direct control. What would it be like....to strike without emotion? Without fear, or doubt, or guilt? Who would I be without my deepest feelings in tact?
But then...as we were walking, I got a strange message from one of the darkened parking lots on the other side of the street. It was just a flash of a human thought, a notion that was entertained only for a moment, and then quickly suppressed back into his subconscious. I stopped walking, and saw a human male standing in the shadows. He was smoking a cigarette, wearing a long thin trenchcoat with one of his hands in his pocket. He was looking forward, not even noticing me and Jun, and his gaze was focused on a local bar that was closing down for the night. The remaining patrons stumbled out onto the sidewalk with smiles on their faces. But he wasn't watching the crowd, was he? No....he was looking for someone in particular.
A blond haired woman exited the bar, and I could feel a wave of excitement cascade down over his shoulders. A dark thrill that he had been anticipating for quite some time, I'd assume. Jun slowed down as he saw my eyes lock in on him, and he didn't say another word. As the woman said good night to her friends, she began digging in her purse for her car keys...walking down the dark residential street to go back to her car. And as the first overhead shadow covered her in darkness...the man put out his cigarette on the ground...and began to follow.
I didn't even have to give Jun a signal. He could feel my thirst. Sense my hunger. When I looked at him to stop him from walking, he merely nodded, and whispered, "Good luck."
I can't tell you what made me choose him. It was a sixth sense that told me that it would be exactly what I needed. It was the visions in his head that called me to him. The sudden sexual chill that ran through him when he saw the vulnerability of the young lady he was slowly persuing on that dark street. I imagine that whatever it was that made me choose him...is the same sensation that made him choose her. It was a predatory sense of weakness. A moment of seclusion, and the promise of a satisfying conquest. I could already feel my vision turning red.
He walked carefully, stalking her ever so slowly. I wondered if he could feel me pushing into his thoughts, probing his mind. Doubtful. It happens all the time, but humans never believed in the idea enough to notice it when it happens. I could feel his thrill. He wanted to touch her. Feel her squirming beneath him. He wanted power. Glorious power. He had never seen her before a day in his life, and yet, he knew she would be perfect. If only he could allow her to scream, her cries would bring such a powerful climax to his sexual assault. Just listening to the click-clack sounds of her shoes on the cement was enough to drive him wild. When she reaches her car, he was sure to pounce on her. Maybe taking a moment to smile and greet her warmly to take her off her guard. Or maybe he'd simply walk up and tackle her to the ground before her mind processed what was happening. Even he didn't know what his approach would be. He would save it as a surprise, even to himself, until the very last minute. The moment when he found her helpless, and forced himself inside of her. Crying, shouting...victimized in the most intimate way.
However, I couldn't really look upon him with any disgust. Not at that moment. As he stalked her, I stalked him. I watched his footsteps as well. Measured and precise. I could hear his breathing from down the street. I could sense the beating of his heart. And while I should have felt guilty...I didn't. I adopted the same sense of evil purpose that he had. He would sustain me, fill me, engorge me with live giving blood for another month in darkness. His warm essence would splash across my lips as I gulped it down, emptying him with every swallow. His blood would rush through my veins, to every part of my body, and the adrenaline rush of him trying to fight me would only enhance my pleasure all the more. I would be lost in a euphoric high by the time his body went into shock, and I would live. I would live.
I felt my fangs shoot down with authority this time, quickly taking their position as I sped up my pace. Was I really going to do this? Was I really so sure? I hated to admit it, but it seemed easier this time. To 'target' him. To 'objectify' him. Maybe it was because the thirst was so strong. Maybe it was because the pains were so bad. Or maybe....it just got easier with practice.
I saw him approaching an alley, walking only twenty feet behind his prey. I knew that would be my last chance to pull him off of the street and do it quietly without her being a witness to it. But I'd have to be fast. I'd have to clutch his throat tightly, and keep him from making any noise. I can't alert her to what's going on. I can't take the chance of him getting to her first. He wants to rape her. To hurt her. To leave an imprint of terror on her life that she will never be able to forget. Ever. It's a 'good' thing, killing him. Right? He's doing harm. I'm...I'm providing a sense of justice here. Aren't I?
I began to think too much, nd I had to get my head together quick. I had another thirty seconds to act, max. I had to stop thinking. Stop feeling. I took what Jun had just taught me about Dion's extra...attempting to remember what little tidbits Dion had offered about it...and I tried to get it to work. It was like having a heavy wool blanket pulled over you on a hot summer day...the weight of it pressing down on you from above. Jun told me that it would feel strange....and he was right. It was like having your entire mindset altered from its very foundation. Everything changed instantly. I felt a thick fog cloud my judgement, my analysis of what I was doing, and while most of the world seemed to crumble away into nothingness...my mission had never been so clear. My vision had never been so crisp...even in darkness. It was as if my confidence had suddenly inhaled a mega shot of cocaine and realized tht it was invinceble. It wasn't ego, it wasn't pride. Just a completely clear conscience and the truth of the situation. I needed to eat. This man was my food. It had to be done.
Before I had even relized what was happening, I found myself taking giant strides towards the man in front of me. He was nearing the end of the alley, my one opening, and I was going to miss my chance if I didn't do it now. Without any thought whatsoever, I leapt forward, and shifted my weight to pull him sideways into that alley, and drag him around the corner into the trash. Naturally, he was shocked. He had never seen a creature move so fast. He had never been dragged so effortlessly by a being of superior strength. But before his sense of survival kicked in and he started to struggle, I had already wrapped my right hand around his throat. Normally, I would have displayed some level of compassion for his weak attempts to blindly fight me off, but not this time. As Dion's extra crept further and further over my shoulders, polluting my soul and erasing everything but the desire to finish him off, I found myself able to do what I had to do. Easily. I didn't even think of the consequences, or how it might affect me later. I simply didn't have to.
I doubt the lady heard anything at all beyond a gasp and perhaps a few bags of rattling trash in the distance. She would make it to her car, get in, and never know how close she came to a life altering tragedy. Tonight...she'd get home safe.
The man whimpered and closed his fist to hit me in the face. A 'love tap' compared to the vampires I had been fighting in recent times. He attempted to scream, and with a single impulse, sent down from my brain to my fingertips before I could even filter it through thoughts that were more humane....I crushed his windpipe. It was effortless. The collapse of soft cartilage in my hand. His eyes widened in horror as the pain ripped through him, and he wouldn't be calling out for anyone. His silence had been assured. I didn't hesitate any longer. I leaned forward, my fangs fully extended, eager to sink into his soft warm flesh...and just as the tremors returned to my stomach in another attack...I bit him deeply on the side of the neck. And I prepared to lose my humanity for the last time.
Ohhhh....wonderful sustenance. The rush was orgasmic. My eyes rolled back, and my skin tingled with electric tingles as my mouth was instantly filled hot liquid. My fangs greedily began sucking it all up as fast as it entered me, it's bitter tang lingering on the surface of my tongue. It was full of life. Of energy. The adrenaline was even stronger than I had anticipated. It flooded his bloodstream, exciting me to the point where I thought my heart would burst from the overwhelming pleasure of it all. He grappled with me some more, hitting me on the back, tearing at my shirt, but it was all for none. My arms and legs constricted around his flailing body and held on tight. Like an octopus wrapping its tentacles around its dinner, I held tightly to my nameless donor, and I drank. And I drank. And I drank some more. The rush of warm blood running down his neck washed over my lips, and I was tempted to dislodge my teeth from his flesh and lick it all up. I didn't want to waste a drop of it. I absorbed it all so completely...hoping that I could fill myself to the point where it would last me for as long as possible. Just in case I'm not so lucky in finding such a bastard next time.
I could feel the heat leaving his body, and the fire running low in his bloodflow. What was once spurting and spraying the ground...was now slowing to a small fountain of rapidly cooling liquid. The fever was fading fast, and I felt his limbs soften to almost nothing. He found the point...where he simply gave up. He released himself from the pain of this world, and with a final sigh...he lay limp in my arms. When I finally did pull my fangs out of his neck, I gasped for air. Licking my lips hungrily, feeling the wet mess on the front of my shirt, soaking in to stain my skin. Looking down at him in the trash, my hunter's instinct now satisfied, I found myself slightly fascinated. Intrigued by what I had done. It was over. I was full again. Not to mention that I was hard as rock and sexually charged like you wouldn't believe! I felt SO alive! So replenished! I was reborn into darkness, as the timebomb was officially reset, and the countdown began again towards the slaughter of my next victim.
It was then that the faint sound of an almost silent engine caught my senses, and I turned to see an all black car pull up to the scene. Headlights flashed in my eyes, shining a spotlight on the gore on my shirt. Dion's extra still had a hold on me, and I had to struggle to free myself from its grasp on my common sense. I should be scared. I should be running off before they saw me. But no emotion could break through to the surface. I remained uncontrollably calm, and slowly rose to my feet. I could hear a voice telling me...to 'kill' them if they saw. To not allow them to leave alive if they had been a witness to what I had done. But as I saw them rise out of the two front seats, all dressed in black, their faces showing even less emotion than my own...I knew I had no reason to worry. They weren't witnesses. They were here to dispose of the mess. Slag hunters. How the hell did they always find us so quickly?
One of them was smoking a cigarette, and blew a puff of smoke into the air before putting it out on the ground with his shoe. The other one seemed a bit more nervous, but kept his pokerface on the entire time. They stepped forward and looked at the state of the twisted body laying in the trash heap. And one of them looked back at me, almost with a sense of disgust, and he shook his head. Silently...but he did it. I saw him. It was around this time that Dion's extra began to wear off, and the terrifying reality of what I had done began to really sink in. My breathing got heavy, and I looked down just as one of the men in black took out his handheld laser and began to sever the hand from the body. There was hardly any sound outside of the sizzle of dead flesh, and the red beam was very good at its job. They considered me a monster...didn't they? I was afraid to read their thoughts at that moment. Afraid that I'd see an image of myself through their eyes, and would be horrified with what I saw there. I felt one single tear roll down my cheek, and then felt Jun's hand on my shoulder.
"Come on...let's go." He said softly as the men went about their work. I didn't move at first. I just stood there, watching. The arm was cut into three smaller pieces, the legs were next, and there were little flare ups of fire where the laser cut through his clothes. That scent....I don't think I'll ever forget that scent. "Justin?" I turned my head as Jun got my attention. "Come on. We don't need to watch this. K?" He said, and handed me a bag. "We'll go down to the next alley and change this shirt. Then we'll go over to the church for a shower. Alright? I need another shower anyway. I can't sleep when I'm filthy."
It took a moment for me to snap out of my haze, but I shook myself free of the hypnotic effect that killing someone else forces upon you. I murdered someone....again....and I was going to get away with it, wasn't I? Just like the last two times. The molester in Grant park, the clerk at the late night Kinko's...they were covered up. Gone. Missing. Like me.
Finally, as I saw the men start picking up the dismembered pieces and tossing them into large black garbage bags, I began to back away from the crime. I walked out to the center of the street, blood soaked shirt still clinging tightly to my body, nd turned my back on the whole thing. The men were loading the pieces into the back seat...a giant freezer...and soon they just...drove away. Not a word said. They were just gone. And so was any trace of what I had done.
I might not have felt so guilty if I hadn't gotten away with it. If there really was a God up there, like Dylan said...what would HE be thinking about me now?
Jun took a hold of my arm, and basically led me away. He helped me change my shirt, using it to wipe the excess blood off of my mouth and chin, and he stuffed it in a plastic bag. He could tell that I was disturbed. He knew that I felt bad about feeling so good at that particular moment in time. But what could he do? He just kept me moving, and we walked back to the old church so that I could finish getting cleaned up. My mind wasn't really able to handle much else other than the steady rhythm of 'right foot', 'left foot', as we walked the city streets together.
I felt as though everyone could see the guilt on my face. I thought we would get figured out for sure. That some remaining traces of blood on the collar of my shirt would give us away, someone would scream bloody murder, and Jun and I would have to flee for our lives. But the truth of the matter is...no one paid us any attention. No one looked. No one cared. They were too busy talking on cell phones, hailing cabs, or worrying about what they were going to eat for dinner. No one even bothered to notice two boys out on the streets this late at night without any parental supervision. Is this what society has become? A pack of mindless robots who have nothing on their minds other than their own selfish needs? I just KILLED a man in cold blood in an alley, and I'm walking right past a hundred and fifty people for every city block! How can they just deny my existence like this? Don't they know what I am? Don't they know that they could be next? Who can live among them with thoughts like these?
As we traveled the streets and came upon the old church once again, Jun gave me a warm smile. He said, "You know, despite it all...you did really good tonight. I know it wasn't easy for you, but..."
"Please....don't congratualte me on something like that." I said sadly. "Ok?" I think he could see the regret in my eyes, and just nodded his head in agreement. I don't think he knew how to comfort me at this point. Why bother? I wasn't ready to be....'ok' with all of this. I was cringing at the thought that I would be someday. Ugh...my mind...always thinking in circles.
We both stripped down and walked into the showers, the warm water running over us as we stood side by side. My body...was almost completely renewed. Everything was back to its original glory, save a few sore spots and bumps on my arms and legs. Mostly caused from blocking the strikes of some hard hitting opponents. But the cuts were gone. The scratches, scrapes, and bruises, had vanished. My body never felt so strong. The mixture of energies inside of me seemed to be dancing in a rain of untold power, eager to finally see their potential realized by their new master. Just standing under that shower, I felt like a god among men. Zero told me that by my third feeding, I'd become one of the great vampires of his time. But now that I had the power...did I have the knowledge to use it for anything worthwile? Or am I only good at destroying the world around me? What a thin line between the extremes.
But then....something else came over me. A feeling of passion. A sense of lust. It crept into my conscious so swiftly, so seductively. It hit me in a sudden flash. There was no build up at all, no foreplay with my senses. Just a sudden sexual rush of wanton desire that made me close my eyes and lean forward to hold on to the wall. It didn't even feel like me. It was this...forceful...uninhibited need for instant gratification. A need for power. A need for....release. And what was even more confusing...was that it was Jun that was causing this sudden rise inside of me.
He was standing next to me, his face directed upwards towards the showerhead as the water cascaded down on his face. And I found myself drawn to him, staring at him. The feeling was indescribable. It took over completely, barely leaving room for me to breathe. Jun was naked...his softly tanned skin wet with soap and water...glistening. Jun was straight, we all knew that. And he could kick ass with the best of them, his speed and strength cutting most enemies down in a matter of seconds. But...his face, his body...it was so feminine in its presentation. His voice was so light, and pleasing to the ear. His thin lips, his big brown Asian eyes, his slim and waifish waist, his hairless body....so smooth....so ripe. Jun turned his back to me, his ass the shape of two well formed tear drops. His cheeks were small, just right to fit in my palm. My God! He must be the tightest fuck ever! I can't imagine what it must be like to have those bouncy cheeks against my lap. To have the tight lips of his tiny ass wrapped obscenely around my cock. Sucking at me from all sides. I would push into him sooooo hard. I'd make him beg me to stop. I'd make him scream. Make him cry. His struggles would only tighten his insides even more. The constriction would almost be painful to me...but he'd have to submit. I would be stronger than him. MUCH stronger! I would cum soooooo HARD in his bowels if I bent him over and fucked him raw right here in this shower! Right now! Who could stop me?
The thoughts seemed to get so violent. So lewd. In a matter of seconds, I was stiff again, and trying hard to keep my eyes off of his slim body. But I couldn't. Something inside of me was latched onto him..and it wouldn't let go. I could do it. I could take him. Imagine the rush. Imagine the thrill. I could choose him...and make him mine. I could make him suck and swallow and take every inch of this hot cock up his tight little....
No...this isn't....this isn't me. My thoughts...my visions...they didn't...'match'.
I looked away from Jun and turned around to hide my erection from him in the showers. My mind was begging me to watch him. To touch him. To feel that slick girlish frame pressed tightly against me under the shower of warm water, so that I could take advantage of him. So that I could hurt him. It wouldn't be as special if I didn't hurt him. His neck looks so soft. His shoulders so slim. His stomach so flat. Oh God...what is coming over me?
I moved forward slightly, sliding up behind him, and stood there. He couldn't see me as he shampooed his dark hair, the suds running down his back and over the sensual curve of his succulent ass. I leaned forward more, and smelled the nape of his neck. The soap and shampoo had created the perfect aroma, and I wanted to bite into his flesh until he yelped in pain. I was almost ready to burst at the idea. My dick throbbing and pulsing, only inches away from his constricted hole. Only inches. My hand lifted itself from my side slowly, and I let it rest on his shoulder. Sighhhh.....the skin was like silk. Soft...warm...silk.
"What are you doing?" Jun asked, turning his head suddenly. I jerked my hand away, and mde sure to hide my erection again.
"Nothing. I just....I'm uh..." I didn't have an excuse. I didn't have an escape. Should I do it? Should I press down on his shoulders and force him to his knees? Make him take me into his throat and pleasure me until I released my angry load into his gullett? Should I? I...I...
"Justin?" He asked again, and looking into his eyes, I found a piece of my sanity in between the multiple visions of lust that I was entertaining at the moment. How much of my 'donor' did I adopt? How much of his sickness did I absorb into me during the blood transfer? There were foreign pieces of his intellect enforced on me, swimming around in my head. But still, it was much stronger than before. This time...I was consumed by it. I wanted to drag my tongue up and down Jun's lithe body while it ws still dripping wet. I wanted to kiss him hard on the mouth, and force my tongue in until he choked on it. I didn't want to make love, I wanted to fuck him sily. I wanted to ram into him. I want him to feel me inside him, tearing him apart. Bending his legs up until he could hardly breathe. Scratching him, biting him. He was so soft, so beautiful...I couldn't allow that beauty to remain. I couldn't. I had to take it. I had to make it mine. And just looking at him naked made me want him so badly that it was hard to breathe. "Are you alright?" He asked.
I smiled wickedly in his direction, and entirely new personality struggling with my own. And I said, "Of course I am." And I gave my hardness a few strokes. Jun turned away from me, and I began to stroke faster. Looking at the wet cheeks of his slippery ass was too much for me to handle, and I felt a strong orgasm rapidly approaching. Fucking...slim....babyfaced....girly ass....boy! So hot! Sooooo hot! My instincts wanted me to splash my semen all across his ass and lower back, but at the last moment, I turned towards the wall, and felt a huge explosion shoot out of me as my body shivered and quaked in the wake of a major climax. Thick ropes of sperm splattered the wall and the shower washed it down the drain...the seed clumping up in its last moments. Jun looked over at me with the weirdest smirk on his face.
"Dude...what the fuck are you DOING???" He laughed.
I could barely catch my breath. "Huh?"
"I know that feeding can be...um...stimulating and all...but do you think you can keep a hold on that thing until I finish my shower at least? I'm not looking forward to seeing your sperm parade, dude!" He was joking....but did he know? Did he know who the donor I picked was? Dd he have any idea what I was thinking about him at that moment. I was sick. I could feel the sickness in my mind. Crawling over my skin. And the thought of brutally raping my friend in the shower had just given me the most incredible orgasm of my life. That man's thoughts are settling in to my own. And I hope Bryson was right when he said it would only last for a couple of days. Only a couple of days.
Embarrassed, I grabbed a towel and left the showers quickly. Jun giggled some more, calling me a pervert as I left the room. But I was seriously frightened by what had just happened, and I needed space. Lots of it. I never know what I'm going to do anymore from one second to the next. I need to get control. And I need to get it soon. Before I really end up crazier than I want to be.