HB14

 

"I need to talk to Anne. I need to apologize. I need to..."


Chad is panicking. Anne was devastated when she saw the body of her dead father. All the disagreements they had didn't mean anything to her at that moment. The girl was beyond tears. Royce and most of the others had stayed behind with the Admiral but Lucky thought it was in our best interest to flee the scene.

 

"You should stay here," Lucky states, "I'm going to go find out what's going on."

 

Lucky and Idris have escort the Captain and I back to our room. The look on Captain Kane's face says it all. He had just killed the Admiral. He had just killed the only hope that I have had. When I explain to him why we needed the Captain alive he just seems shocked to say the least.

 

Now we aren't sure what is going to happen. We aren't sure what kind of punishment Captain Kane would face.

 

"I didn't mean to kill him, I swear Lucky. I just...tried to restrain him and things went wrong," Captain Kane explains.

"I believe you," Lucky says, "It's OK..."

I am quiet. I wish I knew what to say to comfort Chad but honestly I'm disappointed in him. Even if he didn't know that the Admiral wasn't going to kill me I don't understand why he would kill the Admiral to save me. What importance did I have to humanity? The admiral was necessary. I wasn't. Chad isn't thinking clearly. I can see that now.

 

Captain Kane is shaking his head, "I'm so nervous man..."


Idris shakes his head, "We'll figure something out."


Lucky shakes his head, "Chad...we'll figure something out. I promise."


I notice how Lucky calls him Chad. No one ever calls him Chad but me and only when we are alone.

Lucky pulls the Captain close. He hugs him. Their heads bump on one another for a second. For a second I feel the tension when they hug. It quickly stops though because the Captain turns and looks dead in my eyes. He pulls away from Lucky. It takes Lucky an extra second but he quickly realizes how awkward the embrace between the two of them would be for me as well. Maybe that is why he decides to step back completely and pretend like nothing happened.

 

The Captain all of a sudden seems too aware of me.

"I was just trying to save Selah. I was scared. I can explain that to people. They'll listen," Captain Kane says.

"Who is in charge now?" Idris asks.

 

"Captain Williams has been with the Admiral for the longest time," Chad says, "I'd assume it would be her."


"We'll go talk to her. We'll explain what happened," Lucky offers.

 

"I should go. I don't want anyone else involved."


"We're already involved. You stay here. You're still too upset."


Chad hesitates but somehow he nods.

"OK."


Lucky turns to me, "Selah can you stay with him?"


It's interesting that Lucky is asking me to stay with the captain. I nod none-the-less though and watch as Lucky leaves with Idris. They are going to track down this Captain Williams. The others have stayed with the body of the Admiral. Everyone is upset and confused on what is going on. The Admiral's death would change everything and we all were aware of that.

 

I'm standing alone with the Chad. He sits down on the bed. He's anxious. He's crying. I can see it in his eyes.

 

"He cares about you," I tell Chad as soon as Lucky leaves.

 

"He's a good friend," Chad replies.

He puts the emphasis on friend even though I'm sure he's aware that's not how I mean it. I sit on the bed next to Chad.

 

"Or more..."


"Can you stop?" he asks me.

 

"Stop what?"


"I'm just annoyed that the man I love keeps trying to push me into the arms of another man," he responds, "I just need you to be here for me right now."


I stop at that moment. I'm not trying to push him in the arms of Lucky. He's wrong by that. Lucky was in love with him whether he wanted to believe it or not. It was an uncomfortable truth to accept but it definitely was the truth. It wasn't my imagination. I saw the look in Lucky's eyes. I also saw how uncomfortable Chad was when they embraced. Chad was struggling with the fact that he probably had fallen for two boys at the same time.

 

"Everything will be OK," I tell him.

 

I say this to him because I want to make him feel better. The truth is that Chad fucked up. He fucked up big and he probably singlehandedly started a chain of events that could mean the end of humanity. I don't get why he would do it.

 

"No...it won't," he explains, "If what you said about the Admiral being able to read the signs to the 2^nd Earth than I just doomed us all."


"We'll figure something out," I tell him.

 

"I'm sorry this happened," he apologizes to me, "I couldn't let him hurt you again. I just couldn't..."


I'm so confused and annoyed at the same time but I don't show it. I just sigh a little bit and pull out the paper that I handed to the Admiral. I got it off his dead body. These symbols represented the way to the 2^nd Earth. They were so close and yet so far away now.


"We'll think of something," I tell him.

 

 

"I'm glad you're here with me. I'm glad you're by my side," he says offering me his hand, "I just couldn't let anything happen to you."

 

He takes my hand and then he does something odd. He starts kissing me. It must be the emotions that are coming out at that moment. His tongue goes down my throat and he lays me back on the bed. At first I'm so turned on that I let him kiss my neck. I let him kiss my neck bone. I let him slide down until he begins to remove my shirt and suck on my nipples. He's desperate at that moment to show me just how much he feels for me. I can almost feel the love coming off of his body every step of the way. I can almost feel the emotion at that moment.


He begins to kiss me harder and harder.

 

He opens his belt. His dick comes out. He grinds it up against my inner thigh, soiling my jeans. He slowly starts to remove my pants. All the while he is sticking his tongue down my throat.

"Stop," I state, pulling back.

"What?"


"They may be coming for me," he explains at that moment, "Baby this could be the last time we are together."


"You think they'll do something to you?"


"I'm not sure," he explains, "I killed an Admiral."


"Dam..."


I start getting emotional too. The idea of something happening to Chad scares the fuck out of me. I love the boy. I have to admit it. Regardless of the issues that we are having or have had in the past I know that I love him. I love him with every part of me. Just right now I'm not sure if us being together is the best thing. He literally just killed the Admiral because of me.

 

"I made a mistake," Chad tells me.

 

"I told you. We'll fix the situation with the Admiral."


"No. That's not the mistake I'm talking about," he tells me, "I'm talking about when I moved on with Lucky. When I thought you were dead I moved on with him. That was a mistake. That is a mistake that I regret every day."


I sit there and look at Chad. I stare at him hard.

 

"That is the problem..."


"The problem?"


"Yeah. You killed the last hope of Humanity. You murdered him. Because of me. And instead of that being your top priority you are talking about our relationship?" I ask him, "You are talking about us? Don't you see that as a problem?"


I don't know how else to react to Chad. Right now Chad is putting our relationship above everything else. Normally that would be a good thing. In a perfect world that would be ideal. We didn't live in a perfect world though. Our love had serious consequences.

 

"I love you," Chad explains.

 

"If you love me then fix this shit," I tell him, "Fix your fuck up..."


It sounds harsh but I don't know how else to say it. I want to comfort Chad but right now I am so mad. I am holding the key to the future of humanity in my hands but I can't read it. I'm not able to. I am not a Familiar. I can't understand the language.

 

There are knocks on the door at that moment.

 

I get nervous as fuck.

 

Chad gets up at that moment. The only one more nervous than me is Chad. He looks at the door and then he looks at me. The banging on the door definitely isn't Lucky. It's definitely someone else.

 

"Listen. If this is my last time seeing you..." Chad starts.

"Don't say that."


"I have to," he responds, "If this is my last time seeing you I want you to know that I made a mistake. I thought you were dead. I moved on. Way too fast. I ruined what we had and I can't take that back. But please don't ever think what we had wasn't real. Please don't ever think I didn't love you."


With that he turns to walk away.

 

I stop him though.

 

I stop him because I feel like this might just be the last time I see him. The people behind that door are going to find him. They are going to kill him for what he did to the Admiral. Everything is going to be over. Everything is going to be ruined.

 

I kiss him. I kiss him the hardest I've ever kissed him. I wrap his arms around him and I show him just how much I love him. All the resentment between us at that moment was thrown out of the window. These were our last moment and they were the most important ones that we'd ever face.

 

"I love you too," I tell him.

 

"Damn..." he responds.

 

There is more banging on the door.

"Don't open it," I say.

 

Tears are rolling down my eyes. I'm emotional as hell. I just think about losing him. I think about how selfish I'm being right now. There was so much at stake but the only thing that mattered was my relationship at that moment.

"I have to," he tells me, "Stay here baby."


I wonder if those are the last words that he says to me. The worst part of it all is how weak I am. I sit on the bed as the Captain leaves. He walks over to the door. There is silence. There is talking at that moment at the door. I collapse on the bed. I hug the pillow. It smells like him. It smells like Chad. All of a sudden I panic. All this strength is coming back to me and I realize what Chad must have been feeling when he killed the Admiral.

 

Maybe that is why I grab a pocket knife from the table and start towards the door.


I wasn't going to let them take him.

 

I wasn't going to let them take him without a fight.

 

"Chad!"

When I get to the door, he's still there. Chad is standing there surrounded by the UCE captains. I recognize Captain Williams as a top ranking captain. They are having a serious talk. They must be aware of the Admiral's death. When I'm standing there however I notice that the conversation isn't what I think it is.

 

"It's OK," Chad states when he sees the knife in my hand.

I look crazy standing there. I look like I've lost my whole and complete fucking mind. I was ready to go at these people with a knife to keep Chad safe. I was willing to do whatever it took.

 

"What's happening I ask?"


Chad walks back into the room. He drags me back into the room so I'm away from the UCE captains. It's clear he wanted to talk in private.

 

"Baby," he whispers, "You won't believe it."


"What?"


"They just asked me to be Admiral..."


I'm shocked, "What? Why?"


"They are relieved that the Admiral is gone. A lot of people saw the Admiral as some sort of dictator. When they found out about his death they had an emergency meeting. I was elected as the new Admiral. Can you believe that?"


He's smiling. Chad is smiling right now. I should be happy Chad is safe. I should be happy that he is alive. I force a smile. I am happy that he is safe.

 

There is something that doesn't sit easy with me though. I can't tell what it is at first. I just feel so anxious at the fact that Chad is smiling in the way that he is.

Someone died.

 

Someone important died.

What was there to be celebrating?


"This is...good news," I state.

 

I'm unsure of it myself. Chad would be admiral and then what? We were still doomed. The Admiral was still dead.

 

"Baby. Wait for me OK?" he states, "I have to go out with the Captains and discuss this. I want you to stay here and wait for me. When I come back we'll pick up from where we left off. When I get back you will be my top priority."


His top priority?


I nod at that moment, "OK..."

Chad leaves and I'm left feeling somewhat confused. I walk out into the hallway. A few of the others have come down. They are watching Chad being led away. A few of them are really shocked but the majority seem happy.


I see Anne. Royce has her in his arms. I walk over to them.

"Are you OK?"


She is unable to speak. She is in grief.

 

"Just give her a moment, will you?" Royce tells me.

 

"Of course."


Royce leads Anne away comforting her. It gets awkward again.

 

"What the hell are you so upset about?" Lucky states.

He is staring at my face while I watch Anne leave. I wonder why Lucky is looking at me right now. He's studying my face though. He's studying it almost like someone studies a damn puzzle. He is trying to figure me out so hard right now. It makes me kind of uncomfortable just how hard Lucky is looking at me.

 

"She just lost her father," I state.

 

Lucky shakes his head at that moment, "Good riddance. That man was no angel."

 

He can't even wait until Anne gets out of ear distance for him to say it. She stops midway, hears it and Royce continues to lead her away. I can tell she's hurt but she's never been the kind of girl who like conflict. She was in pain right now. The pain was written all over her face.

"Lucky stop being a dick," Katashi tells him.

 

 

Lucky could care less. He just keeps going, "I'm proud of Chad. For the first time I'm proud of him. He did what he had to do."

 

He's making people uncomfortable. Cassie hasn't been around since she caused all the trouble but the others seem definitely like they want to disappear like Cassie did. Idris stares down the hallway. Trucker crosses his arms. Katashi looks like he just wants to hit Lucky in his face. I stare Lucky down though. If he's trying to figure me out, then I'm trying to figure him out too.

 

Katashi sighs, "This is no time to be celebrating."


"Well I'm celebrating," Lucky states, "We did what Koopa couldn't. We took over the ship. Chad is Admiral and Selah is safe. Shouldn't you be happy. You've been in love with Selah probably just as much as the Captain. He'll be around to reject you more now..."


He's embarrassing Katashi. I'm not sure why. Maybe it's because of his own insecurities especially when it relates to Chad's relationship with me. For whatever reason Lucky seems to be doing it and he seems to be enjoying it.

 

Katashi is about to say something to him. Katashi's forms fists. I think he probably wants to fight with him again. I stop them though.

 

"Ignore him," I tell Katashi, "I feel sorry for him."


I start to lead Katashi away but Lucky stops us. He isn't concerned about Katashi though. He stops me specifically grabbing me by my wrist.

 

"What did you just say?"


"I'm sorry for you," I tell him.

 

He laughs, "And why is that?"


"You don't understand the bigger picture," I state.

 

"The bigger picture? The bigger picture is that you are alive and well, because of us. Who do you think convinced Chad to go after the Admiral in the first place? Me! Chad is the admiral now. He can protect you."

"And the Upsetter? And 2^nd Earth."


"We'll find it," he states.

 

He sounds so sure of himself. He is so wrong.

 

I shake my head, "Lucky. You love Chad..."


He panics, "I respect his feelings for you. I respect your relationship with him..."


"I didn't say that. I said you love him," I explain, "I know it. And your love is beautiful. It is passionate and because you love him you think you can guide him to be as passionate as you are. And I think it is because of your past. You never felt love back on Earth. Your love is overbearing and powerful. But you have to realize something, Lucky. It's a lesson that you learn when you have loved and been loved in return. Do you want to know that lesson?"


"What?"


"There's more to love."

I start leading Katashi away.

"More to love? Easy said than done. He CHOSE you. Over me," Lucky explains, "He was connecting with me and then you came back. All of a sudden he just threw me out. Over you. You should be happy. You should be the luckiest man in the world. What MORE could you want?"


Lucky is screaming down the hall at me.

 

I ignore him. He doesn't get it. He doesn't get that my biggest desire isn't to be loved by Chad. My biggest desire is to make sure that there is a tomorrow for future lovers. My biggest desire was saving the Earth.

 

"You just going to let him talk to you like that?" Katashi asks me.

 

He wants to fight. He wants to argue with Lucky. Lucky wants it too. The way he continues to scream at me makes that much clear.

 

I shake my head at Katashi, "No. I have other plans. Can you help me with something?"

 

Katashi nods, "You name it. Anything."



~

 

I get to Anne's room later that day. I feel like shit. I knock on the door a few times and she finally opens up. Royce is standing there.

"She's not in the mood."


I can understand him being protective of her. I just had a long talk with Katashi. I feel like Anne is the only person that I can talk to now.

"Let him in," she states.

 

Royce is reluctant. I know how much he loves her. A part of me wonders if Royce somewhat blames me for everything that happens. He doesn't say it but the way he looks at me makes me wonder. I wouldn't blame him if he did blame me. Chad did kill the Anne's father because of me. He did it in my name. I could understand how this could be all my fault.

 

I walk over to Anne. I'm standing there crossing my arms.

 

She looks sick. Her face is pale. She looks like she hasn't been eating.

"What do you need Selah?" she asks me.

It's none of Anne's usual happiness. It's none of her usual behavior at all. She doesn't smile. She doesn't even look at me in my eyes. She stares out almost shaking.

 

"I won't be long," I state.

 

"Go ahead."


"I was wondering if you could read this," I state looking at the symbols, "These are the symbols from my dream. The ones Jonathan gave me. This is the way to the 2^nd Earth."


"Are you fucking serious?" Royce asks, "Her father just fucking died man and you bring around this shit?"


"I'm sorry."


"LEAVE!" Royce screams.

 

I turn to go but I stop myself. I can't just leave like that.

 

 

"Listen. Your mother was a Familiar. Only Familiars can read this language. You could be half a Familiar. If you could just look at it."


"She had tentacles."


"What?" I ask.

 

 

"My mother. I saw her in her true form. It just happened once. I thought it was a dream. I never spoke to anyone about it, but I saw her tentacles. Familiars? You call them that, right? They were aliens. They like us to think they were different but I saw her true form. She had tentacles. Can you believe it?"


I'm surprised. Jonathan never showed me that form of himself. Maybe he just wanted me to be comfortable around him.

 

"I didn't know that."


"You trust them?" she asks.

 

"Yes. I trust Jonathan with my life," I explain.

 

"Then you're a fucking idiot."


Hearing her say that to me was shocking to say the least. Anne never cursed. She just shook her head though and looks over at me. She doesn't want to talk to me. She seems to have checked out. I feel so sad for her at that moment. Royce wants me to leave. I probably should leave. I just have to say one thing though.

 

"Please at least look at them," I state.

 

I try to hand her the symbols. She doesn't take them.

"No. I'm not helping the man that killed my father," Anne states.

She has so much regret. She has so much regret for helping Chad in the first place. She had opened the door. She had led Chad to her father when he killed the Admiral. I can see the regret written all over her face. Anne blamed herself for what happened.

 

"I understand your upset," I tell Anne, "But this is more than about us. It's more than about the Admiral or any one man."


"You're protecting him because you love him," Anne says, "You love Kane."


"I'm not protecting him," I state, "I came to a realization that I can't even be with him."


Anne laughs, "Bullshit."


"I'm serious. I want to be. I want to love him. But he lets his emotions cloud his thoughts. I'm willing to sacrifice that. Chad is listening to Lucky. He's letting his love affect his judgment. If Chad is going to be the Admiral, he can't afford to be in a relationship. He can't afford to be clouded. I'm willing to sacrifice my relationship."


"He'd never let you go," Anne states.

 

"I'll find a way to make him let me go," I state.

 

Anne shakes her head, "You'd do that. You'd risk his love for you to save mankind?"

 

"This isn't about me. This isn't about him. This isn't about you. This isn't about your father. We were brought together for a reason Anne. A reason bigger than ourselves."


Anne stares at me. She is staring hard.

She shakes her head, "I'm sorry. I can't read it."


"At least look at it."


"I CAN'T READ IT!"

 

She barks at me. I stop. I turn.

 

"Sorry to bother you."


Anne stops me, "Wait."

 

I stop.

 

"Yes?"


Anne nods, "I can't read it but I know something. My father told me there were other familiars. Others that weren't aware that they weren't human. My father kept records. I can access them. I can find out who the familiar is. That familiar will be able to read that record."


"How long do you need?" I ask.

 

 

"It'll take a while to go through the records of every human on board."


"How long will it take Anne?"


"It may take months," she states.

 

I nod, "Do it."


"I'll start tomorrow," Anne states, "I'll talk to Captain---I mean Admiral Kane about getting access to those records."


"You don't need to see him again, Anne," Royce states.

 

Anne shakes her head and looks over at me, "Selah is right. This is bigger than us, Royce. This is bigger than all of us. If Selah can sacrifice than so can I."


She nods at me. I nod back. We have an understanding at that moment. It's a small understanding just between the two of us but I know it means the world.

There was hope. There was a reason to keep going.

~

I arrive at Chad's room late that night. It has been announced on the loudspeaker that he is officially the Admiral of the Pioneer. People are celebrating. You might as well have thought that Admiral Lincoln was the devil himself. No one mourns him save Anne who hasn't left her room.

 

He should be arriving any minute now.

I am naked on the bed when the door opens and he comes into the room. He throws himself on the bed at that moment. He kisses me several times. His mouth is wet.

 

He pulls his dick out. He's wanted to do this forever. I can see the look in his eyes. I turn the lights on.

"You sure you want them on?" he asks.

 

"Yes. I need them on," I tell him.

 

I bend over. He glides his hand down my back making sure I arch my back towards him. When he enters me I can feel the emotion that he has at that moment. He enters me putting his entire 10-inch dick inside of me. I squirm when he does it feeling my hands grasp on firmly to the bedsheets. I feel this heaviness at that moment as he leans down on my back. He kisses my spine. Every last bone underneath his soft touch makes my body shiver.

 

He continues to kiss me. He is running his hands down slowly. He pushes in and out. In and out. His wet hard dick makes sloppy wet thumps into my asshole.

Thump.

Thump.

 

Thump.

 

The slick of his spit and lube makes him slide right in as he moans, "Damn this is just what I imagined. This is just what I imagined it would be like."


I bite down on the pillow taking it. Tears are rolling down my eyes. I know why I'm crying. I know what this means when he continues to fuck me. I know what it means when he pushes into me. I know what it means when he turns me around and kisses me.

He begins to fuck me on my back. My legs are on his shoulders.

Thump.

 

Thump.

The bed rocks so hard that I barely realize the door open. I do hear it though. I do hear the footsteps though. I hear the person walk into the room.

 

The person stops when they see me and Katashi making love in the room.

 

 

He turns, "Damn..."


I look up at Chad. I had planned it. He had to hate me. He had to focus on the mission above all things. I know I'm hurting him. I know I just broke Chad's heart by having sex with Katashi in his bed. Still it was a necessary thing to do.

This wasn't about me.

It was bigger.

 

 

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