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Him Who Made The Seven
"America has more religiosity than any other industrialized
nation. America also has more income and wealth inequality
than any other industrialized nation. Apparently, the two are
closely related. This relationship raises some other
interesting issues. For example, religious conservatives who
are so vehement in their opposition to any sort of
secularization also tend to be political conservatives who are
equally (if not more) vehement in their opposition to policies
which would decrease income and wealth inequality. Is this a
coincidence? Or is it more likely that conservatives
(conservative leaders, at least) recognize (on some level)
that a relationship between inequality and religiosity exists?
If they do, then they are working for a society with greater
inequality and greater feelings of vulnerability precisely
because this means their own power is preserved -- it means
the rates of religiosity remain high, so religion continues to
dominate society." ~ Austin Cline
Only Judge LaFleur could see the entire court room from his bench
on the raised dais. He watched in awe as the cowboy shot Clarence
Womack and saw four flashes occur in a row across the top balcony
at the rear of the courtroom like flash attachments to
photographic equipment, but when he looked again, the four
cowboys, Billy Daniels, Captain Nick, Oatie Breedlove, and his
slave Jethro Quince were gone. He wondered to himself, but before
he could come to a conclusion he found himself standing, banging
his gavel, and yelling at Kit Crocker, "Goddamn it, Crocker, you
crazy son of a bitch, we ain't living in frontier days. It's
because of irrational morons like you we need greater gun control
laws in this country! Now gimme' that gotdamn hog-leg, sit down,
and shut the fuck up!" Judge LaFleur demanded. "Sheriff Tate,
arrest this man!" he exclaimed and pointed to Crocker.
The judge's words of anger so stunned the big cowboy it broke his
concentration, and he folded like a little boy being scolded by
his daddy. He reached up and sat his gun on the judge's desk. He
no sooner took his hand from his gun when four huge red demons
accompanied by two half-sized demons with horns and tails appeared
at the front of the court room. Judge LaFleur instinctively knew
it was Billy Daniels and his men. He and his boy, Wesley, saw
Jethro in his demon form on Captain Nick's ship. He looked for his
boy in the audience and saw him laughing. Wesley winked at his dad
and nodded his head. At that moment, the old judge knew, beyond a
doubt, they were there to collect and save Clarence Womack. He
knew if Womack didn't get emergency medical attention immediately
there would be no chance of bringing him back and the old judge
was just a mature enough sport he didn't want to see the
snot-nosed little bastard get off so easily. He didn't know why or
what Billy's motives were, but the message he got from his own boy
was, the LaFleurs trusted the young cowboy once, they should trust
him now. It was so bizarre and unexpected, the judge raised the
back of his hand to his mouth and laughed. The folks in the
courtroom looked at him like he was daft.
Poor Grover Parsnip didn't know what the fuck was going on. He was
still reeling from Clarence being shot right next to him, but
Grover caught the golden eye of the demon who seemed to be in
charge, and it winked at him. Somehow Grover got a mental message
he knew the demon from somewhere else; he just didn't recognize
him in this form, and it told him to have no fear, he was here to
save Womack's life. The four large demons placed Clarence on the
table on his back. Billy leaned over him to look Clarence in the
eye just as his life was slipping away, grinned wickedly, and sent
a message to him, << Your life as Clarence Womack is over
now. Your evil soul belongs to us. We will take you to our father,
Lucifer, and he will decided your fate, >> it said to him
just before he lost consciousness. He didn't even have time to
The judge got himself together and spoke, "Who are you demons and
why have you invaded my courtroom?" he demanded.
"We are the son's of Lucifer, of Satan himself, your honor, and we
have come to collect one of his own. This man sold his soul to our
master many years ago and like a wolf in sheep's clothing he has
committed all manner of atrocities against his fellow men under
the guise of religion. Now he is dead, and we are here to take him
to his just reward depending on our master's judgment. We
apologize your honor, we mean no disrespect to you nor your
Earthly position, but we represent a higher court, or lower
depending on your point of view, and this man's death gives us
jurisdiction. I'm sure you understand, we must leave with him
immediately to resurrect Clarence Womack to stand before our
master's judgment," Billy said in a booming bass voice.
"You can't talk to our judge that a' way! This here's the New
Nineted States of Amurica, you hideous son's of Satan! Don't worry
none, I'll save you, Judge!" shouted the crazed Kit Crocker and
pulled his other six shooter from his left holster, pointed it at
Billy, and pulled the trigger. The bullet went straight toward
Billy and would have killed him, but it hit an invisible barrier
before it got to him. It ricocheted off and hit Elmer Breedlove's
youngest granddaughter, Sally Goodin Breedlove, sitting in the
front row. It made a great 'splat' and then a crunching sound. She
screamed, jumped up clutching her breast, and fell over the the
railing in front of her with her arms thrown forward. Cass was one
of the smaller demons and ran in front of Kit Crocker, held the
flat of his hand up, the gun flew out of the big cowboy's hand
high into the air, and the audience watched as it floated over to
the the judge's desk and sat gently down next to the other. Elmer
Breedlove was out of his seat and was beating the crap out of Kit
Crocker. He decked him and told him if he moved or said another
word he would put his lights out.
Oatie ran to his youngest sister, put his hands under her
shoulders, raised her limp body up and over the railing, scooped
her up into his muscular arms, raised his huge black leather wings
and disappeared with her in a great flash of light. Billy walked
over to Kit Crocker and looked down at him into his eyes. What he
saw disturbed and touched him at the same time. He saw a
frightened little boy in a large man's body who desperately wanted
to become a gown-up and be recognized as a hero, but was held back
by so many conflicting emotions he could never get over or go
around. He was a man whose timing was always just a bit off
center, and he never could seem to get his act together. There was
a bond of empathy which instantly passed between them. Billy
reached down and extended his big fiery red hand. For some reason
Kit didn't understand at the moment, he grabbed Billy's hand like
a lifeline thrown to him like a drowning man. He knew the demon
would take him away from this embarrassing moment to a safe
harbor. Billy raised his black leathered wings, and the two men
Nick and Jethro raised their wings over Clarence and disappeared
with him. Last but not least, Poly and Cass had instructions from
their master, and each took one of Grover Parsnip's hands, raised
their wings, and disappeared. Jack McCormack slapped his knee and
fell out laughing. Bubba joined him, and they were holding each
other as tears streamed down their faces. Their laughter got Elmer
and Vox laughing. They were holding each other in a similar state
of nervous disbelief. For all his concern for his granddaughter,
Elmer's bellows of nervous laughter was contagious. He knew Oatie
would take care of his little sister and see she was restored.
Several others in the courtroom started laughing, and before long
the rest of the folks were laughing at what they just witnessed.
It was so bizarre, so out of left-field, way beyond the ordinary,
they laughed out of nervous emotional exhaustion. Wesley LaFleur
was doubled over trying to get his breath. The judge banged his
gavel, "Court is adjourned until further notice!" he exclaimed,
and turned from the audience to laugh into his bandanna he pulled
from his hip pocket.
Earl Hickson didn't laugh. He was one of the few men still sitting
in their seat. He was stunned and in great awe at what he saw.
"Does this sort of shit go on all the time around here?" his buddy
"Pretty much," Earl replied, shook his head, and grinned.
* * * * * * * *
Technical explanation of Billy and his family's appearance
in court as demons; or, how they done it.
Billy nicknamed the nether zone where they went to wing-up and
de-wing as the 'cloakroom.' Everyone in his family knew and used
the term. It was a place were time stood still. As Gertrude Stein
once wrote, there was no 'there' there. It just was. They could
jump to the nether area and discuss what they were going to do and
how to establish a plan of action, reappear almost in an instant,
and no time would have passed in the real world. From there they
could contact others and include them in their plan if they needed
them. Nick and Boomer made it their jobs to learn every small
facet of Billy's family's talents so they could suggest the most
informed plan of action in an emergency as Billy's main
protectors. Billy came to rely heavily on Nick and Boomer for
their expertise and suggestions.
The minute they saw Kit Crocker pull his gun from his hidden
holster and fired it, Billy sent a mental order to the three men
standing with him at the back of the auditorium in the far
balcony. << Cloakroom! >> was all he said and his
posse disappeared. The people in the balcony thought there were
reporters behind them taking pictures, but no one turned to look.
They were too engrossed in the courtroom drama taking place before
them. Billy and his posse didn't rush. They had plenty of time. If
they smoked, they could have kicked back, had a cigarette, drank a
beer, and discussed the situation, and it would still be there
frozen in time when they returned. Boomer was with them, but he
made himself invisible. He materialized in the cloakroom with the
"Suggestions Pa and number one for a demon brigade to descend on
the courtroom?" Billy asked Nick and Boomer.
Nick looked to Boomer to go first, "We need the twins, Master
Billy. They can morph into junior demons; so can I, but I'm too
big. I'd scare them folks to death. With the four of you and them
you should be able to pull it off," Boomer said.
"Wait a minute, I thought demon morphing was limited to an
exclusive fraternity? How can you and the twins know how to morph
into demons?" Billy asked and Boomer looked down like he was
embarrassed, then looked at Captain Nick.
"They asked for some of my blood so Boom could play demon master
with his demon sons, for a little sexual variation," Nick said, "I
didn't think you'd mind. Everyone needs a little piece of demon
dad now and then, Kemosabe," Nick added.
"I agree. I would have approved it anyway. This just makes it
easier. Is there any others I should know about?" Billy asked.
"A couple," Nick said quietly. Boomer turned his head and laughed.
"Snitch!" Nick exclaimed to Boomer's laughter and laughed with
"How many is a couple in your guesstimation, Tonto?" Billy asked
"The older set of Sun Bears – a dozen; Hank and Buck; the grooms
Mace and Picard; Thor, Zeus, and Gog. Oh, yes, and Joe, the blue
giant, but not his little brother," Nick said waiting for the
Billy started laughing. "That's frick'n wonderful. We got us
enough demons to do a scene from Dante's Inferno once't we get
them to the dungeon on Captain Nick's ship. Which giant is the
largest and most fierce looking in demon form?" Billy asked.
"Gog, by far, Master Billy," Boomer said and Nick agreed with him.
"Perfect! Gog will play our demon lord and master. We will bow
down before him and do his bidding. Then for a big finale we'll
have the angels from heaven arrive and the most stunning and
powerful of them will be our black angel, our beloved Balthazar,"
Billy said. Everyone was laughing at the idea.
"But he ain't totally black, he's got white wings, Master Billy,"
"No problem. I can change the color of his wings in the blink of
an eye. He just prefers white wings and I approved them. I like
him in white wings. I can't wait to see the look on that bigoted
cowboy's face when he learns he's gonna' be judged by a black
archangel. Come to think on it, I heard tell Womack has preached
against blacks and whites mixing or even worshiping together. He's
a bigoted racist as well as Crocker. It would shake him to the
bottom of his rotten soul," Billy said in awe and his posse broke
up laughing at his wicked scenario.
"Boomer's right about the twins. We need them for protection.
They's in direct contact with Madame Spartza and anything they can
think of, will instantly be done. She will use them to see through
their eyes, and in fact, she can control their every movement if
need be. I'll be in contact with Beauford for the same reason. He
can cover the four of us while Madame Spartza protects the twins,"
Captain Nick said.
Boomer contacted the twins and they joined their master in an
instant. It took no time to inform the two Shedu's of their plan
of action, and the men and twins morphed to their demon forms,
transported down to the main floor in the front of the courtroom.
When they appeared there were screams from the women folk and
stunned shouts of everything from 'Sweet Jesus! Save us!' -- 'What
the fuck!' – to 'Hail, yeah! Frick'n awesome, Dudes!' was heard
from the gathered cowboys around the huge room. Billy made his
posse understand they would immediately transport to the dungeon
area of Captain Nick's ship when they were through. He left word
with Clyde and Cowboy Andy to notify and gather as many
cowboy-angels as they could to help repair Clarence and Oatie's
little sister, Sally. Billy didn't know at the time there would be
one other victim of Kit Crocker's stupidity with Oatie's sister
getting shot, but he did tell the twins to fly Grover Parsnip to
the dungeon with them. Billy thought it was time old Grover got
the full immersion into the Daniels' family. Besides, he always
admired Grover from afar when he was growing up. He thought he was
one of the finest looking mature cowboys he ever saw.
* * * * * * *
Word got out around the town about the ruckus what went on at the
Court House at the hearing for Clarence Womack. Pete Breedlove and
the other lead man Leon Tollefson were working in the feed lot
separating some cattle getting ready to ship some and take on a
few more being delivered by ranchers in the area. Their Bossman
called them over and spoke quietly. "Pete, you may want to let
Leon take over for a while. We just got the craziest damn phone
call from the secretary down to the sheriff's station, that damn
crazy Kit Crocker pulled a gun in the courtroom this morning and
shot old Clarence Womack to death, and out of nowheres, come these
huge red demons with horns and tails. They tell the judge they's
gonna' take the preacher to hell. Crocker pulls out another gun to
shoot the demons and the bullet hits some barrier between him and
them, bounces off, and hits your youngest daughter in the upper
breast. One of the demons ran over to her, lifted her up out of
her seat, took her into his arms, and disappeared into thin air,"
the man said.
Instead of being upset, a funny smile came over Pete's face.
"Thanks, Stew, but I don't need to take off. She'll be alright.
I'll call my dad at lunch and talk with him. He was there. They
didn't go together, but I'm sure he saw everything. Elmer wouldn't
let nothing bad happen to Sally. Better I stay out of the way and
let others see to her. I'm sure dad will know where she is, and I
can go see her after work," Pete said sincerely.
"You're welcome to take off, if you want, Pete," his Boss said.
"Thanks, I appreciate it, but she'll be all right," Pete said
The men continued working. Not another word was said until Pete
and Leon went off to have lunch together. "You're becoming an
enigma to me, Cowboy," Leon said after they sat for a while.
"What's an enigma, Hoss?" Pete asked quietly.
"A puzzle. You didn't get upset in the least when you heard your
daughter was shot. Has it got anything to do with the Daniels?"
"It's got ever' thing to do with them, Pod'na. You know, I asked
Billy if I could bring you along wiff' me the next time I go out
there, and he said 'yes.' I guess it wouldn't hurt none to tell
you a couple of things, but don't expect me to expand or explain
them. H'it ain't because I's try'n to be secretive. They's just
lots I don't know, but what I'm about to tell you ain't no cowboy
bullshit, Leon. The demon what picked up my little girl and
disappeared with her was my boy, Oatie. He took her down to the
Daniels ranch where they could work on her and heal her. She'll be
fine. Them men can do what we ordinary cowboys would think as
miracles, but they'll tell you it ain't nothing more than being
enhanced with a greater knowledge of science and the physical
powers of the universe," Pete explained. About that time Pete's
phone rang, he pulled it from his shirt pocket and saw it was his
dad calling. He smiled and pressed the connect button.
"Hey, Dad, how's Sally?" he asked.
"She's gonna' be fine, Son. Oatie and Billy done patched her up.
She's in a nice bed up to the big house at the Daniels' place. You
can drive out to see her after work if you like. They give her a
sedative. They want her to rest this afternoon, get a good night's
sleep, and she can decide what she wants to do tomorrow. You okay,
Son? I figured you done heard about it," Elmer said.
"Yeah, Stew came out and told us this wild story about demons and
what Kit Crocker done – Sally get'n shot and all. I knew the
minute he told me, the demon what disappeared with her was Oatie,"
Pete said and winked at his work mate. "Say, Dad, you think it
would be all right if I bring Leon out with me to see Sally," he
"Sure. Don't see why not. Billy done already approved it, and you
men just may get to see Billy and his demon crew in action. I'm
gonna' do my best to keep Janice and Louise away from the Daniels'
place. She's so damned unpredictable, and I just don't want the
Daniels to be exposed to her brand of crazy. I'll talk with Sally,
and if she wants to go, we plan on taking her over to our ranch
later this evening or tomorrow morning and Janice can visit her
there," Elmer said.
"Okay. Thanks for calling, Dad. I better get back to my lunch,"
Pete said and laughed.
"Have a good day, Son, and don't worry yore'self none – Sally is
fine," Elmer said and they disconnected.
"You want to drive to my place, and we can go together?" Pete
"Can you give me about an hour to get my dad fed and for me to
clean up?" Leon asked.
"Sure, no problem. Just gimme' a call before you come," Pete said.
* * * * * * *
Billy transported Kit Crocker to the dungeon area on Captain
Nick's ship. The rest of the demons were there and several others
were just arriving in a flash of light. Several of the wonderful
Sun Bears were flying about with their black leather bat wings
carrying small pointed pitchforks. They were so cute Billy almost
broke up. He wanted to grab one out of the air, hug, kiss it, and
rub it's little tummy until he made it laugh, but he stifled his
urges until he got Crocker put away. The big cowboy took one look
at the Sun Bears darting about, "Oh, my God, giant bats! We are in
Hell!" Crocker said quietly in awe at the commotion going on
before his eyes. In his demon form, Billy was a third bigger than
Kit Crocker. He wasn't rough with him but quickly guided him to
one of the dungeon cells, pushed him inside, closed the iron door,
and locked it.
"Sit on the the bed, Crocker, I'm about to put you to sleep, and I
don't want you hurting yourself falling on the floor," Billy
growled at him. Kit Crocker figured he better do what the demon
told him, sat on the bed, and then lay down. "Before I put you
out, where is your wife? Is she with friends or family?" Billy
"She's all right. Once't I figured out what I's gonna' do, I told
her I couldn't never lie down with her no more without feeling
like she cut my balls off. I didn't wanna' stick my cock in a hole
what gave comfort to Clarence Womack's pig-dick. I told her she
done lied to me about forsaking all others for me when she married
me. She never meant it. I told her it was over between us, to pack
a bag, I was taking her back to her family. I never wanted to lay
eyes on her again. She would get the divorce papers in the mail,"
Crocker said in disgust, "I drove her to her parent's house, set
her bags on the curb, drove away, and never looked back," he
"Is that what you really want?" Billy asked.
"Hell, yeah! I figure a women what would do that to her husband is
like a chicken killing dog; you can't never break 'um of the habit
once't they get a taste of the forbidden," he spat out.
"How did she take the news?" Billy asked.
"She cried a lot and begged me to forgive her. I don't think I
could ever do that. I can take a chicken kill'n dog out and shoot
him, but I can't my wife," Crocker reasoned.
"So, you decided to shoot the rooster what invaded your hen
house?" Billy asked.
"Seemed like the thing to do at the time, Mr. Demon. I ain't sorry
I done it, if that's what you's fishing for," Crocker replied in
disgust to Billy's question.
Billy sent a jolt of plasma energy and Crocker felt himself
sinking into a deep peaceful sleep. His last thought before he
passed out was the bed was considerably more comfortable than he
imagined a bed in Hell might be. As a matter of fact, it was
downright comfortable, and wrapped itself around his body like an
old whore who hadn't felt the warm comfort of a man in years.
Billy walked back from the cells and saw Nick and Jethro working
on Clarence. They were being assisted by the Shedu grooms Mace and
Picard in demon form. They had him laid out on a leather table and
were taking his clothes off as fast as they could. The Sun Bears
would gather them up and take them to one of the cells to store
them. Billy knew he and his men could repair and fully restore
Clarence as long as they got to him within an hour of his death;
the sooner the better.
Billy watched the twins arrive with Grover Parsnip in hand. Billy
walked over to him, grinned, took him into his arms, and gave him
a big hug. Grover didn't know what to think, but he hugged the big
demon back. "I knew the minute you looked into my eyes, I know'd
you, but not like this," Grover said shaking his head.
"Welcome to the Billy Daniels experience, Grover, you handsome
buckaroo," Billy said and stole a kiss.
"Billy? Is it really you?" he asked.
"Yeah, and these two handsome demons are my little brothers.
They's shape shifters, and I done mastered Shifting 101 myself.
You might say I ain't shiftless no more," Billy said, grinned at
his own pun, and morphed back into himself before Grover. He
motioned for the twins to do the same, and they follow their
"My God, you grow'd up to be a fine looking young cowboy, Billy,
and your little brothers are just as handsome. Why did you bring
me with you?" Grover asked.
"When we get through resurrecting Clarence and get Oatie's little
sister taken care of, I thought we might take care of you, and
give you a jump-start on your life again. If'n any man in our
community deserves it, you do. My granddaddy used to tell me there
t'weren't no better man on the face of this planet than Grover
Parsnip. We'll only be able to take off about twenty years at
first, but after folks get used to seeing a new, younger you,
we'll take off another ten to twenty. We'll make you shine like a
brand new penny, Grover," Billy said and smiled.
"Then what them big watchers told me was true? You are the new
messiah?" Grover asked.
"Ah, them big watchers on Retikki Prime brag a little too much
about their nephew-in-law. They get carried away. We share a
mutual bond of understanding, affection, and admiration between
us. I'd do anything for them, and they show their love for me and
my bonded mate by being proud and giving to us like they's a pair
of old maid aunts what loves to knit. I don't know about being no
messiah. I never believed in any of the old ones, and if you study
enough, you know they's been hundreds what claimed to be a
messiah. I won't never make that mistake. I'll let others say what
I am. All I want is their respect and gratitude for what I do for
them. They don't even have to love me. I get enough love from my
family and those I gather unto myself -- like you, Grover. I've
admired you for as long as I can remember. My granddaddy used to
say your name in reverence like you's a special kind of man. I
believed him then, and I still do," Billy said.
"How can I help, Billy?" Grover asked.
"Just by being you, Pod'na," Billy replied and hugged the older
Grover reached down and gently took Billy's manhood into his hand
and looked at it. "E'aup you's yore' daddy and granddaddy's boy,
no doubt. A fine looking specimen of a cowboy, Son," he said.
Billy turned his attention away from Grover for a minute to speak
to Nick and Jethro. "You men got things under control here? I'm
gonna' wing-up and transport to the slave processing room to check
on Oatie and see if he needs a hand. Then we'll be right back to
resurrect Clarence. Be sure you strap him down good," Billy said
Billy told Grover to hold on for a minute while he and his twins
winged-up. "Wing-up?" Grover asked.
"You'll see," Billy said as he, Poly, and Cass disappeared and
returned almost as quickly in their cowboy clothes and boots, with
their leather harnesses on their upper bodies. With Billy's
outstanding gold wings and the the twins equally spectacular wings
they looked like an archangel with his two smaller guardian
"Holy Mary mother of God, cowboy-angels!" Grover exclaimed.
"What's she got to do with anything?" Billy asked and grinned,
"Two advanced races of Ancients give us these wings and enhanced
us just like we's gonna' do for you. Wouldn't you like to have a
nice set of wings to fly from place to place, Buckaroo?" Billy
"Who wouldn't, but I ain't never seen me no advertisement for
Wings-R-Us," Grover replied and made a joke.
"You come to the right cowboy, Mr. Parsnip. Have I got a deal for
you on a beautiful pair of wings only test driven once by a little
old lady from Pasadena, Texas?" he asked using cowboy hyperbole.
"Can I put 'um on my credit card?" Grover asked.
"Absolutely, sir. Yore' credit is gold wiff' me," Billy replied
and they shared a laugh.
Billy and Cass took Grover by the hand, they raised their wings,
and disappeared. They reappeared in the slave processing room.
Oatie already morphed into his cowboy-angel form and there were
several other cowboy-angels with him: Nathan, Tron, Enoch, Moss,
Clyde, Cowboy Andy, Dociean, Garth, Mack, Balthazar, Etienne, and
Raymond Escobar. "How's she doing, Brother?" Billy asked.
"The bullet lodged in her clavicle, but Clyde and Balthazar were
able to dislodge it and floated it out. Fortunately, no major
arteries were severed, but she was bleeding pretty bad by the time
we got here. We're just getting ready to close her up and restore
her. Have you heard from Master Bull? I know he'd want to be here.
You think we should wait?" Oatie asked like he was conflicted.
"No, you got more'n enough talent here to completely heal her.
Elmer and Roxanne won't add that much more. Go on, Oatie, you're
doing fine. We got faith in you," Billy said.
"Will you watch over me, Master Billy, to make sure I'm doing it
right?" Oatie asked.
"Of course. You men get on either side and raise your wings with
your brothers," Billy said to Poly and Cass. They did as they were
told, and the rest of the cowboy-angels spread and raised their
wings like giant feathered umbrellas to gather the essence of the
universe. Oatie didn't waver and conducted the healing rays
directly and evenly to the wounded area. Grover was close enough
to see everything, and the brilliant light illuminated every small
detail of the wound as he watched it slowly grow back together and
heal over until there wasn't a scar or bruise left to be seen.
Oatie went over it several times to make sure he didn't miss
anything. Grover looked up to see Elmer Breedlove, Vox, Bubba, and
Jack McCormack walk into the room and join the men. They were
followed by Sheriff Will Tate, his dad Buster, Judge LaFleur, and
his son Wesley. Grover made room for them to see the progress.
They were as amazed as Grover.
Sally began to come around and opened her eyes. She saw her
brother and a number of winged men standing over her with their
wings raised as if to shield and protect her. Then she remembered
the trauma of the bullet hitting her and knocking her out. She
started weeping as she put her hand to her shoulder expecting to
feel a huge hole, but there was nothing but her own flesh. She was
completely healed. "Oatie? My brother? Is it really you?" she
"Yes, little sister, it's me. We removed the bullet and me and my
buddy cowboy-angels restored you the way you were. You're gonna'
be all right. You'll be just fine. Granddad's here," Oatie said.
"Grandpa? Where?" she asked and tried to raise up. Elmer stepped
up, took her small hand, and gently lowered her back onto the
"I got here as quick as I could drive out here, Princess, but you
were in good hands. I knew you would be well taken care of. Oatie
and his cowboys done a fine job fix'n you up. You's good as new,
little lady," Elmer said with his eyes watering.
"I'm gonna' put you to sleep, Sally. You've suffered a great
mental trauma as well as physical. You need rest to heal your mind
as well as your body. What were you doing at the hearing today?"
"Mr. Womack is our preacher, and I was the only one of our family
who didn't have something else to do. Mom and sis had to work
today. I'm out of school and was home alone, so when our neighbors
invited me, I decided to go along. Mom told me I should go to let
Pastor Womack know our family still supports him. I didn't realize
the seriousness of the charges against pastor Womack until I heard
what he did to Earl Hickson, and apparently, he's been sleeping
around with several married women in our church. And now, you turn
out to be the angel who healed me. What happened to the demon who
took me away from the courtroom?" she asked.
"He went back to Hell, Sally, but he turned you over to us before
he did, so's we could save your life," Oatie explained, "Sometimes
demons and angels work together to save the innocent," he added.
Sally seemed to accept his explanation. "You must not tell anyone
what you saw here today, Sally. Especially your sister and your
mother. They probably wouldn't believe you anyway," Oatie said.
Sally just nodded her head she understood. Oatie put her out, and
she went into a deep sleep.
"What will we do with her?" Oatie asked.
"We'll angel-flight her back to our ranch and let her recuperate,"
Elmer said, "It's fairly neutral territory for her mom, sister,
and dad. I don't mind if they come to visit her. I don't think
Janice will give me any trouble. If she does, I'll just throw her
ass out. Vox and I can take care of Sally until she recovers a bit
more and wants to go home. It will be easier on Pete to come to
our place," Elmer allowed.
"Uh, Granddad who's gonna' look after her while you're watching
the Billy Daniel's show? I know you don't want to miss a minute of
what our young master's got in store for Clarence Womack and Hello
Kitty Crocker," Oatie said and everyone laughed.
"We can put Sally up here for a night," Billy spoke up, "We should
be able to do what we need to get done this evening. Aunt Helen is
still here. I think she'd enjoy sitting with her. Then you can
make up your mind. In the meantime, I can use all three of you men
to bring Clarence back, but we need to get to it right away,"
Billy said, "We'll need Will, Everett, and Buster Tate as well,"
"Agreed!" exclaimed Elmer, "Since Oatie took care of her, she's
still under his care for right now. We'll just tell Janice, she
and Louise can see her tomorrow. Screw that witch," Elmer added
and the other men agreed.
Boomer gathered the anti-grav gurney and the men gently lifted
Sally with their levitation skills to slide it under her. Oatie,
Elmer, and Vox took her to the house. The rest of Billy's
cowboy-angels returned to the dungeon on Captain Nick's ship. They
invited the judge, his boy, and of course Grover to join them.
Billy told them they couldn't be with them while they would be
doing their home-brew version of Dante's Inferno to scare the crap
out of Womack and Crocker, but Billy and his technical staff on
Captain Nick's ship would provide a large room with a huge three
dimensional holo-vid screen to watch. Billy promised it would be
like being in the same room with them.
"What do you hope to accomplish, Son?" Judge LaFleur asked.
"I bit of revenge for Kit Crocker against Womack based on the old
testicle premise of an eye for an eye – only much more fun.
Personal humiliation and major changes for Clarence Womack to
adjust his super ego. In a nutshell, I plan to arrange a marriage
made in Hell, sir, which may only be redeemed by the players
themselves," Billy said and grinned wickedly, "Then after we're
through with them, we will return one or both to cells in our
county jail. It will be your call. Then you may pronounce your
sentence upon them based on man's law," Billy added, "However,
knowing you and your propensity for creative judgment, you may
want to consider other alternatives after you watch our show, but
we can speak again afterward," Billy explained, "Please don't
misunderstand, Judge, I ain't trying to usurp your authority. I'm
only trying to give you a couple of possible alternatives to
consider," he added.
"I never considered you were, Son. You saw a terrible, violent
crime being committed and you tried your best with your posse's
talents to sort out the mess and keep everyone alive. No matter
your methods, I consider your actions to be heroic, if somewhat
unorthodox. To Hell with orthodoxy, if you can save the man's life
no matter what he done, that should be everyone's first concern.
The rest will take care of itself," Judge LaFleur said.
"Thank you, Judge. Your opinion will allow me and my band of
naughty demons to have more fun. You'll understand as you watch,
but for right now we got to bring Clarence back to life." Billy
Everyone transported back to the dungeon. Billy's posse and
enhanced family members winged up to give Billy the largest charge
he was capable of gathering to gain the incredible healing power
needed to resurrect someone from the dead. He told Oatie he wanted
him right across the table from him in his number two position.
The witnesses were allowed to watch up close and personal, because
Billy wouldn't allow Clarence to come out of his deep sleep until
he called for him to awaken. He would never know they were there.
The cowboy-angels were well within the time limitations to revive
a human, and steadily but surely, pieced Humpty-Dumpty Womack back
together again. It was worse than Billy imagined. One bullet went
through and out Clarence's backside, but two others were lodged in
bone. One in his left clavicle and the other in a back rib.
Fortunately, two-gun Crocker wasn't a very good shot and missed
Womack's heart altogether; however, the shock to his body and
immediate loss of blood was enough to kill him. Even though
Billy's cowboy-angels witnessed healing miracles of their own
making, bringing back someone from the dead was one giant leap
above 'awesome-dude.' Once they extracted the bullets, they kept
pouring the electro-life-force energy plasma through Billy into
their patient until they saw Clarence gasp for breath, and he
started coughing. They could see his heart was beating again, and
he soon settled down to a normal breathing rate.
"Hosanna!" shouted Billy's uncle.
"Hosanna, in the highest!" shouted the other men in unison.
"Remarkable," said Judge LaFleur quietly to no one in particular.
"We can power down, now, Gentlemen," Billy said, and his
cowboy-angels lowered their wings. "I'd like to thank everyone for
helping me save this man's life no matter what we think of him
personally. I don't look at it as wasting our talents to save
Clarence sorry ass. I see it as opportunity to set aright a part
of him which is so wrong on so many levels it ain't worth
discussing, and my hope is to have a little personal fun while
doing it. While we allow Clarence's body to rest and adjust from
its trauma, we will set up our guests as spectators to be able to
witness our humble attempt at an age-old form of a morality tale
called a Mummer's Play, using the growing number of members of our
family who have become fascinated with shape shifting into demon
form like you witnessed earlier today. While we create our dungeon
from Hell, we will take our guests to enjoy the hospitality of our
native population on board Captain Nick's ship.
"It will take us some time to set up everything and coach our
players about their roles in our production. As those of you know
from the recent smack-down, the locals love to entertain visitors,
and please, don't be shy taking advantage of their generosity.
Captain Nick, his managers, and myself see to it they are amply
rewarded and repaid for what they share. So you're not confused
later, our main demon who will be playing the role of Lucifer or
the Devil, will be none other than our beloved giant and hero of
the altercation at the last 'Close-caldron' competition, Billy Gog
Groats, and his attendants will be our two former lead bulls of
the guard cattle brigade, Thor and his son Zeus. Our great blue
giant, Joe, will be playing the roll of the devil's advocate. Our
grooms, Mace and Picard, will be playing the roles of the grooms
of the dungeon. Also, last but certainly not least, representing
the humans, Clarence Womack and Hello Kitty Crocker, will be our
own beloved counselor, Grover Parsnip, in human form," Billy said,
and several of the men applauded.
"Way to go, Grover! Give 'um Hell!" Jack yelled, and everyone
laughed at his metaphor.
"No, no, Billy, please! I wouldn't know what to say or how to act.
I'm too damn old for such shenanigans. You's talking 'bout doing
something I just ain't capable of no more. Let a youngster like
Jack represent them two. I'm doing good some mornings to make it
to the damn coffee pot. If I have a good bowel movement, I'm proud
of myself for the rest of the day. Well, look at me!" Grover
exclaimed and gestured with both hands from his head to his torso.
"No problem! Enoch! You and ma' rope'n buddy here, Moss
'Mooseheart' Garrett, give our buddy an assist. Help him remove
his clothes and give him a lift onto that extra bench behind you.
We already got the man-power here, let's us cowboys initiate
another family member, enhance him, and give an old dog a new
leash on life," Billy said.
Grover stood looking like he was about to shit his wranglers.
Tears started falling from his eyes.
"Go on Grover, if any man deserves another go round, it's you,
Cousin," Judge LaFleur encouraged him.
Enoch and Moss were as gentle and tender with the old man as they
would be a young child they didn't want to frighten. They helped
him off with his clothes, back on with his boots, and gently
picked him up and laid him out on a comfortably padded leather
bondage table. Billy and his cowboy-angels, including Enoch and
Moss, gathered around and surrounded him with their wings. Jack
and Bubba joined them. It was one of the greatest gathering of
energy since they resurrected Clarence Womack. Billy pricked
Grover's finger to get a drop of his blood and tasted it. After he
gathered the old man's DNA and analyzed it, Billy raised his wings
and began to channel his posse's life-changing energy-plasma and
focused it on Grover's failing body. Slowly, but surely, he
brought Grover back to about fifty years of age, enhanced him, and
stopped. He looked much younger and better. Billy didn't want to
regress him further until the community became used to his new
look. Billy declared he was finished and everyone powered down.
Enoch and Moss helped Grover sit up. Everyone stood in awe of
"Hosanna!" exclaimed Oatie Breedlove quietly.
"Hosanna, in the highest!" responded the rest of the men gathered
in an equally quiet reverent manner.
"You know what this means, don't you, Billy?" Grover asked.
"You'll play the part of Womack and Crocker's Earthly attorney,
sir?" Billy asked with eager anticipation.
"Hell, I'd do anything for you, Son, including that, but so much
more. I'm afraid I done went and fell in love with you," Grover
said like a schoolboy admitting to his best bud he had a bro-crush
Billy took Grover into his arms and kissed him on his forehead,
"'At cain't be a bad thing, Grover. As a matter of fact, I'm
pretty dang fond of you, but let's don't tell our parents, they
might get the wrong idea," Billy said and everyone laughed.
* * * * * * *
Pete's cell phone rang just after he got home and out of the
shower. He saw it was Janice calling. "Hey, Janice. What chu'
want?" Pete said shortly.
"Do you know where Sally G. is?" Janice asked.
"Sure, I know'd since lunch time where she is and how she's
doing," Pete replied without giving her a lot. He wanted to see
how much she knew first.
"I've heard all sort of horrible rumors about what happened at the
Court House this afternoon to our poor beloved pastor who is being
persecuted unjustly by them heathens what don't belong to our
church. You know they's been after him for a long time. Now one of
them done went and shot him and accidentally shot our little girl,
Pete. Nobody's told me nothing definite. I don't even know if
she's still alive," Janice said and started crying on the phone in
a transparent attempt to garner sympathy.
"H'it t'weren't very good parenting on your part to allow her to
go to the courthouse today, Janice, but that ain't never been your
strong suit, has it? The information I got was they had Womack
dead to rights he was trying to blackmail Earl Hickson so he would
go to prison if Earl didn't get Clarence incriminating personal
information about Billy Daniels and his family. Clarence wanted to
get something on the Daniels so's he could extort money from them.
It's also come out he's been sleeping with five or six men's wives
who's members of his congregation. Why would you continue to
expose our daughter to a low-life criminal like him? Why, the
hell, did you let her go down there in the first place, Janice?"
"Louise and I had to work. We couldn't just take off and Sally was
the only one of our family who could go and represent us to let
our poor persecuted man of God know we don't believe a word of the
garbage they're spreading about him, and we still love and believe
in him," Janice wailed.
"Janice, you know them folks ain't lying. You never thought I
knew, but I know'd you were fucking him while I was working my ass
off to keep our lives together. I suspected it, but never found
out for sure until after we broke up. It was one piece of
information an angel told me what helped me turn my life around
and start living again. You can't hide something like that
forever, Janice – not in a small town," Pete said.
"I didn't call you to fight or rehash old times. Whoever told you
such a thing is a fuck'n liar," she screamed over the phone.
"Our youngest daughter, Sally, told me, Janice," Pete said
quietly, and there was a dead silence on the other end of the
"Do you know if she's all right, Pete?" Janice asked without
contradicting what Pete said.
"She's fine. They rushed her out to the Daniels' ranch where Oatie
was working, he removed the bullet, stitched her up, he give her
some sedatives, and she's resting peacefully. Dad called me at
lunch today. He said she was a bit shaken up, but she's all right.
She's doing fine. I'm leaving my place in a few minutes to drive
out there to be with her. Elmer's out there with her right now and
so is Oatie," Pete said.
"Wonder how much that queer bastard will charge us for operating
on his little sister?" she hissed.
"Do you realize just how stupid that sounded? Are you saying Oatie
had another father than me, Janice?" Pete asked, "Who was his
father? Womack?" Pete yelled at her, "Hell, he looks just like his
granddaddy. That always was a major thorn in your flesh," he
"You were his father, Pete, but you know what I meant," Janice
"No, you're wrong, I don't know you anymore, nor do I care to,"
"Well, I'm driving out there. She's my daughter, and I demand to
see her before them liberal scum bags and Elmer Breedlove
brainwashes her against me. I'm gonna' bring her home where she
belongs," Janice ranted.
"Where you can make sure she's properly brainwashed by your
perverse insanity? You can't go out there without an invitation.
You can go, but you won't get onto the ranch. They got guards at
the front gate who will make you turn around and leave. I'm
invited for this afternoon. They're expecting me. Tomorrow, Elmer
is planning on taking Sally to his ranch where she will stay until
she's ready to go home. He told me you could call and make
arrangements to come out to his ranch to visit her. I wouldn't try
one of your indignant conservative religiously persecuted
holier-than-thou-mother routines with the Daniels. The sheriff and
his family and the judge and his family are out there this
afternoon trying to put the pieces together about what exactly
happened in the courthouse this afternoon. You ain't high on their
list of good people, Janice. If you pull a scene you might find
yore' fat ass in jail for disturbing the peace, but don't let my
warning discourage you none. You never listened to me before; why
break with tradition now? Just make sure you got a good attorney
and money to make bond. Oh, yes, and the closest bondsman is in
Kerrville. If you call me for help, you'll be piss'n in the wind,"
Pete said, "I'll call you after I get home and let you know how
she is," he added as a consolation.
Janice grew increasingly jealous of Pete getting his act together
and making a life for himself after the breakup of their
disastrous marriage. Janice was all right when Pete went off the
deep-end after their divorce. She told everyone she just knew it
was because he couldn't live without her. Now she wasn't so sure,
and her own personal doubts of self-worth came into play. Janice
just couldn't help lash out at Pete in an attempt to cut his balls
off once again. "I heard from several sources you got chore'self a
new boyfriend, Pete – that homo cowboy what lives with his daddy
out to Kooksville," she hissed like a vicious viper, "When you
plan to announce your engagement?" she asked taunting him.
"They's two lead cowboys at the feed lot – me and Leon. We work
hard to make sure the work gets done and on time. We eat lunch
together ever' day on the tailgate of his truck or mine. If that
qualifies as court'n another cowboy or having an affair with Leon,
then I guess you got me dead-to-rights, Janice. No! Fuck it! You
know what? I ain't told nobody about this, but to be honest with
you, we been talk'n about it for sometime, Janice. Hell, I ain't
even bought Leon a ring yet, but I been looking in the pawnshops
in Brady for one his size. I don't plan to let a good catch like
that big stallion get away. If I can't find me a ring big enough,
I'll sneak up on him and drop ma' lasso around his neck and hold
on until he promises to be my mate. It's true, I won't deny it,
I'm falling in love with old Leon and you know what, Sweetheart,
he's a better, tighter fuck than you will ever be. He even uses
his body to fuck me back with his sweet cowboy ass and don't lay
there like a piece of dead meat. He makes better love to me than
you ever did, and when I kiss him he don't taste like I's suck'n
on the butt-end of yore' last cigarette. He sucks my old cayuse
like a starving hound dog goes after a juicy bone. You wouldn't
even go down on me, but the very best part is, he don't never
insist on doing his nails while I fuck him, and he don't turn to
me and ask if I'm through yet," Pete nailed her.
"That's disgusting. Just as I suspected. Like father like sons,"
she spat back.
"And you done the same damn thing to our daughters. You turned
them into hate-filled ignorant harridans like yourself who can't
think or reason for themselves. I'm hope'n it ain't too late for
sweet Sally Goodin," Pete said, "Talk at you later, you Jesus
hump'n bitch. Good luck wiff' your ex-con boyfriend. Lemme' know
how that works out for you after the first time he gives you a
much needed fundamentalist-style obedient wife correction session.
You get my check every month. That's enough. Time is money, and I
done wasted enough on your sorry fat ass for today," he added and
Pete lied to Janice about him and Leon. They hadn't even made it
to first base, but his reaction to his harridan of an ex-wife made
him feel all warm and fuzzy inside. It was a comfortable feeling;
a feeling he could live with. He stood up to her, and in essence,
expressed his desire for the future. He was proud of himself, and
he wasn't the least bit ashamed. Should he let Leon make the first
move or should he level with the big cowboy and tell him his true
feelings for him? Would it mess up or kill a good friendship? Leon
was about the only person in Pete's world he felt close enough
with to share his thoughts and feelings. Was he using Leon and not
giving him much in return? Maybe a trip to Billyville would make
up for some of Pete's lack of sensitivity toward his workmate.
Pete thought longingly but remorsefully about his old school
buddy, Snuffy Ragweed, and how shabby he treated him. Would he do
the same with Leon if another woman came along? He dismissed the
thought immediately. Snuffy was a hard lesson, but he wouldn't let
the memory of his love for his buddy die in vein. He would never
be that cold blooded again. If he was lucky enough to gain Leon
for a partner, the big cowboy would be the last for Pete, and with
any luck, the best. Leon called to tell him he was on his way.
Pete smiled to himself when he thought he just might have time to
change the sheets on his bed before Leon got there.
* * * * * * *
May I please have my demon Sun Bears join us," Billy said loudly
and clapped his hands together like a production manager calling
an act on stage to perform. His dozen small bat-like creatures,
six male and six females, flew into the chamber and began to
circle around Billy with their black leathery wings. They each had
small red pitchforks and looked like a staging of the ride of the
Valkyries done by the Muppets. Billy had to find some way of
adding Wagner's music. It would be the perfect touch for a Gothic
dungeon setting. He was having a field-day letting his creative
juices run wild. He had unlimited talent to draw from. All he had
to do was spend a couple of hours pulling it together. If it
didn't sober Womack and Crocker up, it would probably bore them to
death. Either way, Billy figured it would be a win-win situation
for him. He would accomplish his purpose, and it would be an
entertaining show for his family. After all, he reminded himself,
'Hell' is in the eye of the beholder or a permanently stagnant
mental state for those who choose not to progress from life
experience, learning, or reason. They keep doing the same things
expecting different results. Billy hoped to create such a surreal
setting and trial-by-fire it would throw a large spanner in each
man's limited works.
Clarence Womack and Kit Crocker were fast asleep and knew nothing
of what was about to happen. They wouldn't stir until Billy
released them and called for them to awaken. He figured correctly,
a long rest would be a good release for both men to reset their
brains from the trauma of the early afternoon – Womack in
particular. While his body was completely restored, his psyche,
like Lucy, had a lot of 'splain'n' to do to the rest of his brain.
Everything was like a lake of quick-sand with alluvial thoughts
rising and sinking, bumping into each other in a scrambled jumble
of sordid memories. Billy considered getting an old empty specimen
jar and taping a label around it which would read: Abby-Normal. He
decided it would be too much of 'this world' and the joke probably
would be wasted on the likes of Womack and Crocker. Modern movie
trivia was not their strong suit.
Billy repeated the two names – Womack and Crocker – several times
to himself. Together they sounded like an old movie slap-stick
comedy duo like Laurel and Hardy, Abbott and Costello, who would
fit right into a Mummer's play with a couple of stately Morris
dances to a devilish Bach Gavotte thrown in for good measure to
lift it from the mundane to a work of low or questionably
dodgy-art. Low-in-brow du jour; a border brew without hops or
scotch. He crossed referenced in his mind the Artful Dodger, Kirt
Gibson, hunk-a-rama, of the winning 88 LA demonic-baseball team
and the Artful Dowager Empress as played by Zelma Redbone – the
I-gotcha-covered girl – with a big catcher's mitt standing ready,
deep in Billy's left field patiently awaiting the winning pop fly
in the bottom of the ninth. Were these mental knee-plays
conceptual or so much redundant flotsam and jetsam which failed to
be flushed by his last enhancement? Or were they red-sprites of
electrical energy above and beyond the synaptic storms which
sometimes raged in his fertile brain. He hoped so. They became the
salt and pepper of his inner world – the daily spices of living a
fully creative life.
* * * * * * *
Pete Breedlove was in a good mood when Leon pulled into the area
in front of his double-wide trailer on the large ranch just South
of town. Pete managed to land a damn good living arrangement for
himself. About a year after he got his shit together and stopped
drinking, a wealthy land owner who inherited several thousand
acres of prime hill country, wild, undeveloped, never cleared
brush country, was looking for a caretaker to look after the main
house and grounds of the property in an even exchange for living
in a decent double-wide trailer previously used as a ranch
foreman's dwelling. There was a large bunkhouse as well, but it
was only used during hunting season. The owner and his family
would come several times during the hunting season but never
stayed very long. Other hunters would pay to stay in the bunk
house and hunt for a weekend. Pete handled the payments and kept
records. He kept the deer feeders stocked and set out salt licks
for them. Most of the hunters had been coming there for years and
knew the owner and his family well. It was Pete's job to clean up
the place after they left and some of them were pigs. Pete didn't
care. It was a God-send situation for a man who was paying child
support and trying to get by on his own.
Pete worked hard on his trailer and fixed it up nice. He wasn't
one to live in clutter and filth. He never said anything, but
Janice was one of the worst housewives he could imagine. There was
shit thrown all over their house, and she rarely changed the
bedsheets. Pete ventured he had just a little more in common with
his gay son than he wanted to admit. Of all the kids, Oatie's room
was always immaculate, clean, and neat. Oatie had a routine he did
every Saturday morning which took him a couple of hours, but when
he finished he had a fresh room to live in for the rest of the
week. Pete adopted his boy's technique and found, if he got into a
routine, his trailer was easily maintained.
"Nice place, Pete," Leon said.
"Thanks, I done a lot of work on it, and I've tried to make it
feel like home," Pete replied, "Damn, you clean up good, Cowboy,"
"Ya' ain't so bad yore'self, Pod'na," Leon returned the compliment
"Leave your truck here. It will be safe. We'll take mine. The
guard cattle know my truck and will let us pass," Pete said
"Guard cattle?" Leon asked.
"You have to witness it for yourself, Leon. When my dad told me we
had to get out 'cause he wanted to introduce me to the two lead
bulls of the guard cattle what guard the front gate of the
Daniels' ranch, I though he was playing a cowboy trick on me. He
weren't. I liked to shit ma' Wranglers after they talked back to
us," Pete said.
"No!" Leon exclaimed.
"C'moan, you'll see for yourself, Buckaroo," Pete allowed and
grinned real big.
They pulled into the front gate and over the cattle guard onto the
Daniels' Ranch, and sure enough, there were cattle milling about
the road in large numbers. Leon laughed nervously. Pete stopped
his truck for a minute and waved to the large bulls, but they
didn't move. "They got two new lead bulls on duty. The other two
know me. Guess we gotta' get out and introduce ourselves to them,
Pod'na," Pete said.
The two cowboys got out of the truck and walked the short
distance. "Mr. Yates – Mr. Dunn, I'm Pete Breedlove, Elmer
Breedlove's son, and this here's ma' work partner and friend, Mr.
Leon Tollefson. We's expected up to the big house for supper and
to visit my daughter, Sally," Pete said with his hat in his hand.
Leon took off his hat when Pete did.
"Sorry we didn't move, sir. We recognized your truck. We seen you
before and know who you are, but we were told to double check
everyone this evening. It seems your daddy don't want your ex-wife
visiting out here," Yates replied and Leon grinned.
"I understand, sir, I don't want her out here either. She can be
a pain in the butt sometimes," Pete agreed with Yates.
"We got confirmation from our boss, sir. You and your guest get
back in your truck, and we'll part for you, Mr. Breedlove. Sorry
for the inconvenience, sir" Dunn said, "And welcome to the
Daniel's ranch, Mr. Tollefson. We hope your enjoy your visit,
sir," he added.
"Thank you, Mr. Dunn, I'm sure I will," Leon replied.
The cattle parted and the cowboys drove on up to the compound of
"That was interesting," Leon said and grinned.
"Ya' ain't seen nothing yet, Cowboy," Pete said and grinned.
There were several folks waiting for them including Elmer and Vox.
Everyone knew Pete's work partner, but he introduced Leon to them
"You got here just in time. We's going in to wake Sally, and her
attendant, Helen Kirkendall, will get her ready to have supper
with us. Billy and Oatie want Sally to get up and get a little
exercise this evening," Elmer said.
"Where is Oatie?" Pete asked.
"Him, Jethro, and Billy are down to Captain Nick's ship in the
dungeon of the castle. They's cook'n up a Hell-on-Earth judgment
center for Kit Crocker and Clarence Womack. If you men can stay
for a while, we been invited to watch the show. It will be videoed
and sent to a large hall in the castle with an enormous holo-vid
screen what will be like being there," Elmer explained.
"You mean they actually brought Womack back to life, Dad?" Pete
asked in awe.
"Me and Vox were two of his power sources to channel the plasma he
needed to resurrect the fat little reprobate. We watched it
happen. Don't know's I'd be so charitable, but you gotta' know
Billy. He's convinced he can find the good in anybody and tap into
it to make them a better person. I think he's in for a major
disappointment with Clarence Womack," Elmer declared.
They went in to see Sally. She was awake, fully dressed, and
sitting in a chair talking quietly with Helen Kirkendall. Sally
was wearing a beautiful full gown she picked out from the Kate
Daniels collection which was stored in the the room. It was the
same bedroom Vox and Rox used for many years. Helen did Sally's
hair up in formal swirl on the back of her head, used some of the
community cosmetics they found in the dresser and various other
places. Sally looked stunning. She certainly didn't look like she
just suffered a physical trauma from being shot with a .45 caliber
bullet. She looked up and saw her daddy, and opened her arms to
"Oh, Daddy, I'm so glad you're here," she said and broke into
"There, there, Princess, of course I'm here. Dad called me at noon
and told me you were in good hands. I told him I'd be out here as
soon as I could. I brought the other lead cowboy at the feed lot
with me, my work-buddy, Leon Tollefson," Pete said.
Sally broke away from her dad, and offered her small hand to Leon,
"I've seen you around town, Mr. Tollefson, and admired you from
afar, but we've never been introduced. It's a pleasure to finally
meet you, sir," Sally said with a mature genuineness for which
Leon was not prepared.
"It's an honor and a privilege to meet you, Miss Sally, I've heard
a lot about you. Your daddy speaks highly of you and tells me of
his love for you. He's very proud of you, ma'am," Leon said.
"And I'm very proud of him and pleased he has such a fine
gentleman for a work-partner and friend," Sally said.
Pete was stunned by his daughter. She never seemed so open and
radiant before. She was always rather quiet and shy to the point
of being mousy. Here she was a stunningly fine looking young woman
who radiated health and goodness. Could being separated from her
mother and older sister have something to do with her sudden
transition, or was it part of an enhancement he was sure her older
brother probably gave her? Either way, Pete's love and admiration
for his youngest child was at maximum overload. Pete looked at
Elmer and he knew his dad noticed as he shrugged his shoulders as
if he was as puzzled as Pete. Then Pete noticed a smile on Helen
Kirkendall's face which was one of a proud older aunt who was
chaperoning her young niece, introducing her to society for the
first time, and was proud of her comportment.
Sally smiled at Leon, gently hooked her arm in his, looked him in
the eye, and spoke, "Will you be so kind as to walk me into the
kitchen for supper, Mr. Tollefson?" she asked.
"It would be a great honor, Miss Sally, but please, call me Leon,
ma'am," Leon said.
"The honor is mine, Leon," she replied, and they began to walk to
Pete looked at Elmer with a big shit-eating grin on his face,
bowed, and offered his arm to his dad. Elmer bowed, took, Pete's
arm, offered his right arm to Vox, and they walk to supper behind
the big cowboy and Sally Goodin Breedlove.
"Isn't Helen joining us for supper, Pa?" Pete asked Elmer.
"She don't need organic food like we do, Son. She gets her
nourishment from the sun and occasionally when she asks, one of
the cowboy angels will feed her a good meal from the living
plasma-energy they collect. Vox and I have fed her a couple of
times, and I know Ms. Kate and Zelma Redbone feed her regularly.
I'm sure Bubba and Jack are supplying her with what she needs when
she's over to the Kirkendall ranch," Elmer replied.
They walked into the kitchen area and Sally was swamped by Kate,
Zelma, Roz, Dorcas, and a couple of other lady helpers. They were
complimentary and Sally seemed like she was eating up their love
and approval like a sponge. She never found such encouragement
from her mother or her sister. They were constantly picking at her
and berating her for not living up to their invented standards of
how a young celibate woman should look and conduct herself. Sally
just gave up, withdrew inside herself, and became a bookworm. It
was her escape from the personal disguise she lived with every
day. She wore thick heavy glasses because she read so much, but
since Oatie healed her, she no longer needed glasses. She became
transformed at the Daniels' ranch in more ways than one.
Talk was lively around the table and Sally asked if Billy, her
brother, and his mate would be joining them for supper. "No, Dear,
they have a project going on at a place on our ranch south of
here, and they must finish before nightfall. There is a small
local village with some wonderful folks who love Billy, Jethro,
and Oatie. They will be having supper with them, but you will see
them tomorrow. Have you given any thought to what you would like
to do?" Kate asked.
"Yes, Mrs. Daniels, I have. I turn eighteen in June and will be
considered an adult in Texas. That's less than two months away.
I'm going to impose on my granddad, if he will be so kind, to let
me move in with him. I don't feel comfortable living with my
mother and sister anymore. I appreciate your kind offer to come
live with you and your family. It's a great temptation, but I'm
embarrassed to say, I wouldn't want to expose you folks to my
family. Granddad won't put up with their nonsense, and I can live
with a modicum of peace and feeling of well-being at his place. I
have one more year of high school and Aunt Helen has offered to
tutor me in areas I'm lacking. Oatie has offered to send me to
college if I want, but I won't make a decision until I graduate
and see how my grades are for my last year. I might decide I don't
want to go to college," Sally said with conviction.
"Of course you can move in with me, young lady. I would be happy
to have you stay with me, but you do understand I'll be marrying
Vox this June?" Elmer asked.
"I know about it, and you have my approval and best wishes,
Granddad. Aunt Helen explained about Vox and his sister to me, and
it seems perfectly acceptable to me. It certainly won't be to my
mother and sister, but I don't plan to tell them any more than
what they need to know. I will have two granddads and a bonus
grandma to help me become a lady of substance and compassion. How
lucky can one young woman be?" Sally said and laughed.
Sally won the hearts around the Daniels' table that evening and
returned to her room to get an early start to bed. The rest of the
men around the Daniels table left for Captain Nick's ship. Only a
few transported to the ranch house for supper. Nathan, and Tron
came, but the rest of Billy's guests stayed on Captain Nick's ship
to enjoy the exotic cuisine prepared by the village people. No one
It was Leon's first exposure to cowboy-angels. He listened to Pete
tell him about it, but he couldn't imagine. Like everyone who
never experienced it before, he gasped when Elmer, Vox, Nathan,
and Tron disappeared and reappeared fully fledged. He was even
more stunned when he found a couple of the ladies winged-up to
take their people to Captain Nick's ship for whatever
entertainment Billy was cooking up for his guests and family. Leon
was even more impressed by transporting from one place to another.
It was rather physically exhilarating, and it tickled him from his
nose to his toes. Everyone in the Daniels' party were wowed at the
size of the hall and the number of people there. Not just your
everyday cowboys, but the strange and different creatures of the
town folks. Billy invited anyone who wanted to attend, and there
were vendors set up on the sides to offer free treats to anyone
who wanted anything. It was another party atmosphere in which the
villagers so loved to take part. Leon and Pete saw some new,
strange, but wonderful characters. They fell in love with the new
group of Sun Bears and thought they were the most beautiful
creatures they ever saw.
The guests, including the village people, were offered sweet herb
spiced tea before the show began. They were warned the herbs were
mentally enhancing and allowed one's senses to become heightened.
It wasn't nearly as strong a dose as Nick and his cabin family
were used to, but it certainly did the trick to get the audience
in the mood for something out of the ordinary. It threw stuffy
mores out the window and opened people to new experiences. The
effect it had on any one person would depend on how much they
decided to drink, but most wanted the full effect, and it could
only be accomplished by three mugs of the steaming brew. By the
time the overture began, they were primed, happy, and ready as the
Romans were for the lions to be released into the arena filled
with Christians. Clyde acted as master of ceremony in the huge
auditorium. He had a microphone strapped to his head which
contained an ear piece as well. He was being fed information the
same time he was imparting it to the gathered audience.
* * * * * * * *
Billy had his two grooms, Mace and Picard, clean Clarence and Kit
from stem to stern. They were both in a plasma induced state of
deep sleep. They never woke up while being processed. Billy had
his grooms insert a medium size butt plug in Womack's ass; the
same size with which he started training Orville. He wanted
Clarence to be uncomfortable for a while. He was strapped to his
bench in a sitting position facing the front of the huge room
where there was an enormous golden throne. Billy ordered Crocker
cleaned inside and out. He didn't want cowboy bullshit soiling his
clean dungeon if Crocker's bowels decided to get excited from the
show. He ordered his grooms to leave both men without clothes.
Being naked before others, whether they were naked themselves or
not, is an intimidating experience. Billy called forth Crocker and
Womack from their sleep. As might be expected, Crocker came to
more quickly than Womack, jumped up from his seat, discovered he
was naked, exclaimed "What the fuck!" and tried to cover his
sizable member with his hands.
"Move your hands, Crocker!" Billy demanded, "Ain't nobody gonna'
see you but us demons. We's naked. Besides, you ain't got nothing
to be ashamed of; you's hung like a young pony," Billy said firmly
and Crocker did as he was told.
"How come you demons talk like cowboys?" he asked.
"You talk like a cowboy. Why can't we talk like cowboys? You got
some'um agin the way cowboys talk, boy?" Billy challenged.
"Oh, no, sir! No siree, sir! Not at all, Mr. Demon! I just never
thought demons would talk like me, sir," Crocker replied.
"They don't all talk this away. We's Texas demons, Son. We became
demons after we left Texas and come here to Hell. T'weren't really
much of a change for us. It's just as hot in Texas as it is here.
Hell far? We fit right in," Billy said and laughed. His audience,
following the show in the other room went crazy laughing at his
"My God, did you bring the preacher back to life?" Crocker asked
disgusted looking over to see Womack moving his head like he was
trying to get his bearing to make sense of where he was.
"Yeah, we done resurrected him to meet our demon daddy, Lucifer,
and to received his just reward for being a really evil bastard on
Earth. Just think, you'll get to see the Devil his'self pronounce
judgment on him. Will that be enough revenge for you, Cowboy?"
"Is that why I'm here? I didn't think I done enough bad things in
my life to warrant go'n to Hell except shoot'n Clarence Womack. I
guess that was a major one, but gotdamn it, he deserved it! 'At
sum'bitch! I trusted him, and damn his eyes, he done went and
fucked my woman!" Crocker exclaimed.
"He fucked at least half a dozen other men's wives we know about,
but they didn't shoot him," Billy said in an accusing manner.
"That's because us cuckold cowboys got together and drawed straws.
We's all sent the same damn video. What can I tell you?" Crocker
asked shrugging his huge shoulders, "I picked the short straw," he
"Well, you ain't exactly inside Hell, Son. You's in one of the
sub-dungeons of Hell where we take really bad humans like Womack,
resurrect them, let them face their accusers, and stand before our
master," Billy explained to Crocker, "But first we's gonna' have
us a little fun before our master, Lucifer the beautiful, Satan
the terrible, gets here," Billy added, "Oh, and before I fergit. I
need to alter you just a bit," Billy said to Crocker as he moved
before him. He waved his hand over Crocker's head and two large
horns grew from the top front of his skull. They made him look
like a young Longhorn bull.
"What the – ?" Crocker reached up and felt his horns. "You gimme'
a set of horns? Why?" he asked.
"You used the word, 'cuckold.' It just reminded me, all cuckolds
in Hell gotta' wear them horns. It's the law. One of our Bossman's
right hand men, his favorite bro-friend, is Jesus's step-dad,
Joseph. Yeah, that's right! Joseph the carpenter from Judea. He
has to wear a pair of them horns because was cuckold by Jehovah,"
Billy explained, "It will help our master keep track of the
players and since he thinks on Joseph as his main snuggle-up when
the nighttime temps drop into the low hundreds here in Hell, he
looks favorably upon cuckold husbands. He just may cut you some
slack, Cowboy. He can be a bit forgetful at times, but them horns
will remind him. For all his faults, we love our big demon-daddy
anyway. We do our best to make his job as easy as possible for
him. Us demons what serve our master are quite fond of him.
"I just know you're gonna' love him," Billy said, "he's your type
of guy: pig-headed, close-minded, bigoted, racist, homophobic,
mean-spirited, and he believes in an eye for an eye, and never,
ever, lend a hand to the poor or downtrodden unless you first get
their signature on a binding contract loaded with loop-holes in
your favor what says they become your property for eternity if
they slip-up or default. You know, wink-wink, the old
tits-in-a-wringer-balls-in-a-bind sort of thing, nudge-nudge. All
very legal but devilishly complex.
"Lord, if we didn't know him better we'd think he was a corporate
republican theocrat; however, believe it or not, even our dear old
Satan has something no republican ever had – a conscience," Billy
declared, "The poor old dear cries a lot when he watches them
condemned sinners march off the fifty meter board into that big
lake of fire for their first taste of damnation, but we do our
best to cheer him up a bit with his favorite musician critters
playing a Hellaciously lively tune and others to entertain him
with spritely dances," Billy added.
The big cowboy possessed limited concentration. "Please, sir, is
there a way I can take a peek? I just gotta' see my horns you
gimme,'" Crocker begged. Billy almost broke up laughing at Kitty
Crocker's childlike enthusiasm, but he he turned his head and
coughed in his hand instead. His audience in the auditorium roared
"Mace – Picard, take Mr. Crocker over to that big mirror and let
him get a good like at his'self and them fine set of horns I give
him," Billy commanded his grooming demons.
The audience and Billy watched as the big cowboy lumbered over to
the mirror. He didn't cringe in horror like most thought he might.
His reflection in the mirror made him stand taller, hold his head
high as he turned one way then the other to admire himself. His
cock started growing until it became so hard it slapped against
his belly when he walked. Everyone in the audience was going nuts
laughing at the cowboy who obviously was very proud of himself and
his new set of horns. He grinned real big as he walked back over
to Billy with an exaggerated cowboy swagger in his stride slinging
one big foot and then the other.
"I think I just might enjoy my visit to Hell, Mr. Demon. I damn
sure like them horns you gimme. Thank you, sir," Crocker said.
"You really like them? I hadn't noticed," Billy said looking down
at the big cowboy's erection and grinned.
"I'm ready to meet your Bossman, sir!" he exclaimed and stuck out
his chest like a popinjay.
"I will summon him in a moment, but first we must make sure our
main guest is awake and aware of where he is," Billy said and
walked over to Womack, "Quit playing possum, Clarence, and open
you eyes, or I will give you a shock to your balls what will make
your eyeballs hurt," Billy warned.
"Where? Where am I? Pray tell me, where I am?" Clarence asked
weakly like Blanche Dubois awakening from a fifty-megaton hangover
waving a white kerchief.
"Oh, Bur-ruther!" Billy exclaimed, "There ain't a thing wrong with
you, Clarence. Unlike Humpty-Dumpty, I managed to put your sorry
ass back to together again myself, and I'd know if you were the
least uncomfortable," Billy said, "Well, maybe you's just a tad
uncomfortable 'cause I filled your poop shoot with a rubber
husband. Sorry 'bout that. We got you plugged to avoid accidents,
but you'll soon adjust," he added.
"I remember dying and your ugly demon face was the last thing I
remember seeing!" Womack exclaimed.
"Woah, easy on the nasty comments, you failed god-bot. Us demons
got feelings, too, ya' know. We don't look upon your kind as
winning no beauty prize – especially a porker like you. I can
think of all sorts of analogies to ugly animals you might
resemble," Billy said and he was sure he could hear his audience
laugh. "Go ahead on! Take a guess, Clarence. Where do you think
you are?" Billy asked.
"It's awful damn hot in here, but I wouldn't venture a guess,"
Womack replied, "What's he doing here?" Clarence asked accusingly
looking at Kit Crocker.
"Don't you think your murderer should be here to face judgment?"
Billy asked playing with the preacher.
"Yes. No. Hell, I don't know. I'm confused. This ain't what I
expected. I ain't worried though, God and his angels will come for
me and take me away with them. I'm a man of God, you know?" he
"Don't bet the food-for-the-poor fund on it, Preacher. Oh, but
wait! You don't have a food-for-the-poor fund, do you? Many would
say you don't represent any god but Satan, and since it's taken
your absent god more than two millennium to do anything, we say
our demon-dad is as much a god as yours. You think God's angels
are gonna' rescue the likes of you? Don't make me laugh. Besides,
you's currently in a no-god/no angel fly zone," Billy said and
Womack shouted in a gargle of extempore glossolalia.
"Can it, Clown, or I'll arrange to have a house fall on your
wicked ass. Your words have no power here. You ain't got no dumb
parishioners to lay that crap on except maybe Hello Kitty Crocker
here, and I don't think he's in any mood to listen to your
bullshit," Billy said.
"Amen! Testify, Mr. Demon!" Crocker bellowed.
"Easy Scout! Steady, Big Fellow! Them horns is nice on you, but
don't let 'um go to your head!" Billy shot back to Crocker. "Oh, I
forgot! They's already on yore' head! Sorry about that!" he added.
"Now it's time to call our master to pass judgment on you humans,"
When Billy approached Billy Gog Groats to play the part of
Lucifer, the giant laughed; not just a little, either. They almost
couldn't get him settled down. Gog thought it was a great idea,
but when Billy talked with him about his appearance, Billy
explained he wanted him to look like a Kagoli demon whom they were
using as a pattern.
"Shouldn't Satan look more fearsome and scary than you handsome
demons?" Gog asked.
"What chu' got in mine, Big'un?" Billy asked like Arnold to his
brother Willis Jackson.
Gog wowed Billy and his family with about fifteen or twenty
different demons he ran across in his travels and his time in Irin
prisons. One in particular stood out from all the rest which had
an humongous red body, black cloven-hooves, a muscled-out torso to
make the most dedicated pumper swoon with envy, and a set of horns
on him like a Cape Horn Buffalo. It was more than Billy expected,
but it was perfect to scare the crap out of Womack and Crocker.
Gog was so convincing in his demonic form he could even make smoke
come out his nares when he breathed and his mouth when he spoke.
He became the demon to end all demons. Captain Nick said he only
saw one other demon of that form, and while they were incredibly
fearsome to look upon, they were in reality, gentle creatures. Gog
promised he would roar and bellow to make them shake in their
boots. He gave his master and associates a brief demonstration.
Everyone was convinced he would make a great Satan. Gog reminded
Billy of Bottom the Weaver in his eager excitement and
anticipation of walking the boards as Pyramus.
Billy clapped his hands together for attention. "Bring forth our
musicians and acrobats!" he said, and from every nook and cranny
around the room came halflings and dwarfs carrying instruments who
formed a group on the far left-hand side of the huge dungeon area.
All players and acrobats were made up to look like demons, even
though most couldn't morph like Billy and certain members of his
family. They were followed by the acrobats, naked as the day they
were born. The acrobats wore bells on their legs, ankles, around
their arms, wrists, and made a pleasing sound as they jumped
about, twisted, turned, and flipped through the air with ease. It
was quite an entrance and got applause from Billy's viewing
audience. They were quite good.
"My God, you mean Hell is like a vaudeville show?" Womack
"Hesh up, sinner! They ain't here for your enjoyment. They're here
to please our master and to keep his mind in a mellow mood so's he
don't go all-batshit-crazy on your ass. This may be your last
chance to enjoy life, and whatever you do, don't be smart-mouthed
with his Eminence. Enjoy life while you can! One false move on
your part, and you'll be on the menu for a barbecue this evening,"
Billy admonished him.
Kit Crocker sat in his designated chair and was fascinated by
everything he saw. He was like a little boy watching a forbidden
sideshow at a carnival midway. The more Billy observed Crocker and
swapped exchanges with him, he was convinced Kitty Crocker, for
some unknown reason, was never allowed to grow up. There was a
little boy inside him who desperately longed to live in the world
of grownups but just didn't know how. Billy wasn't immune to Kit
Crocker's physical attributes. He was a hyper-masculine, big,
lumbering beefy cowboy with enough between his legs to be
considered Grade-A prime husband-beef on the hoof. Billy couldn't
imagine Crocker's wife lusting after Womack over her husband,
unless Crocker was just so damn dumb and vacuous she longed for a
little more mental stimulation than he was capable of providing,
and she was able to rationalize her part as doing the work of the
Lord to let his prophet-for-non-profit come into her and receive
On the other hand, Billy realized his own prejudices. Not only was
he was a sucker for big, dumb, good looking cowboys, but
he was also the first to admit he had a soft spot in his
heart for them. Maybe Crocker just bored his wife to the tits.
Perhaps he was more interested in cleaning his gun collection,
preaching the to-be-armed-and-ready gospel to anyone who would
give him the time-of-day, and much too busy working on his image
as the last American cowboy, he forgot or never learned how to be
a decent husband. Some men never progress past high school.
Remember to attend your fiftieth high school reunion and you will
understand. The sagging, wrinkled, paunched, bald, football heroes
wear their letter jackets as a less than subtle put-down for the
hoi polloi; still living the final orbit of their faded glory like
a doomed star caught in the event horizon of a black hole --
Billy wondered if people sometimes became so desperate in their
singular lives (all lives as a singularity) rather than commit
suicide to escape what they see as a dead-end relationship, they
do something so out-of-line it would throw a cog in the works to
change their lives forever. The 'anything-would-be-better' than
the current status quo phenomenon. Change, evolve, or die. While
it may be true we are capable of creating our own singularities,
we sometimes long for the big bang to get us out of a bad orbit.
Clarence Womack was not the answer. He was simply a catalyst. A
dark star which sucked in everything within its grasp. It can
never get enough. It can never be filled. It's just a phenomenon
of nature – shit happens.
Clarence complained he was thirsty and Billy had his grooms
prepare a couple of large flagons of sweetened, iced, spiced,
herb-spiked tea for them. He wanted both men to see the situation
under a slightly altered mental state, and Hank and Buck's herbs
were just the ticket. The musicians and acrobats took their places
to wait to be called by Master Billy. Billy next called the the
Devil's Advocate (Joe, the blue giant, in demon form) and Grover
Parsnip as the Earthly counselor for both Womack and Crocker.
Grover was the only human allowed to wear clothes, and he cut a
handsome figure in his new clothes, hat, and boots to say nothing
of looking twenty years younger. The viewing audience cheered for
"Wait a minute!" Womack exclaimed, "I hired Mr. Parsnip to be my
attorney, but now he's representing both me and my murderer before
a satanic court? Ain't that a conflict of interest? And how come
he looks so much younger? Is he doing a double gig?" Clarence
"It probably would be considered a conflict in a court on Earth,
Clarence, but if you ain't noticed, this ain't Earth. This is the
nether region of Hell. It's perfectly legal in our dark master's
court. Mr. Parsnip had to be enhanced to appear in Hell. We didn't
want him to have to suffer death twice for the likes of you. We
made a sweetheart deal with him to give him approximately thirty
more productive years to live in exchange for his soul when he
finally expires. Since all attorneys automatically go to Hell
anyways, we thought it would be a win-win situation for bowfus.
Besides, with one attorney, we get to kill two birds with one
stone. Beg pardon, Mr. Parsnip, no disrespect intended, sir. You
probably ain't never been stoned in your life," Billy said and
lost it for a minute. He turned his head to laugh. Grover got the
biggest grin on his face.
"'At's all right, Son. I know'd ju's jes' do'n yore' job," Grover
poured on the cowboy lingo, and put his hand on Billy to comfort
the young demon. The audience went crazy laughing at Billy and
Billy went on to further explain the huge giant with horns similar
to the ones he gave Kitty Crocker was, indeed, Joseph, the
biblically famous step-father of Jesus. Unfortunately, the bible
doesn't record the fact Joseph was sent to Hell for rejecting
religion altogether after he found out he was cuckold by Yahweh or
Jehovah (aka God, better known as the Big Kahuna) Joseph was
forced to wear the horns of a cuckold to let everyone know his
wife was unfaithful to him. Mary's infidelity to him was just too
much for the poor old peasant carpenter to handle, and he rejected
all forms of religion. He tried worshiping the golden bull idols
of Baal for a while, but that didn't work out for him. He got into
some new age religions who worshiped Krishna and another what
worshiped Mithra who was born of another virgin, was crucified,
dead, buried, and arose again in three days, but Joseph never
seemed to feel at ease or totally embraced the concepts or dogma
of other myths. He was born a Jew, and everyone knows there ain't
no such thing as being a Jew in name only.
Joseph discovered most gods were domineering and petty, expecting
everything from the individual while giving nothing tangible in
return – only promises. Sort of like modern day 401 accounts or
union pension plans in the control of corporate power. Joseph
didn't realize how high-profile his part was in everything from
the demon's point of view until he died. They welcomed him into
Hell with open arms and gave him a princely position as the big
heathen-honcho's right hand demon-bro; Satan's bestest depraved
boyfriend. While still on Earth, Joseph found peace of mind in his
work as a carpenter. He didn't need a god. The churchy side had
little or nothing to say about Joseph's part in Jesus's birth
other than he was Mary's husband. (A bit part player, in name
only, we're suppose to assume.) It's never fully explained from
whom Jesus inherited the linage of David, from his mother or his
dad. Assuming there was no exchange of DNA between Joseph and
Mary, we must conclude Jesus got his link to King David from his
mother, Mary. King David was reported to have eight wives and ten
concubines, so the math is on Mary's side for the possibility of
having some small amount, a soupçon perhaps, of DNA from David
might be possible.
However, nowhere in the scriptures does it refer to Jesus as
Jehovah's bastard son. Billy wondered why? Jesus is, however,
spoken of as Mary's son – unlikely in an early patriarchal society
where women were looked upon as the property of their husbands.
And how did Mary become known as the blessed virgin when the bible
states Jesus had elder brothers and sisters? You don't need to
know why. Just believe. You must have faith. Stop asking
questions, put on them rose colored glasses, and keep on dancing.
Selah! Jesus wept. Joseph didn't. He found a comfortable home in
Hell. There was never a dull moment, and he found Lucifer, or
Satan, a prince among demons and one Hell of a loving companion.
"Hear ye! Hear ye! We are gathered here to stand before our dark
master to convene his court. Let all who can hear my voice bow
down before our demon master, the great and powerful, Satan, also
once known as the brightest angel in heaven as Lucifer the bearer
of light, goodness, virtue, learning, reason, charity, humility,
and social responsibility. Get ready to welcome a really great
guy, currently known as the prince of evil, our very own beloved
Beelzebub. Give it up, folks! Let's let him know we really love
the big guy!" Joe, in the role of Joseph, said, like he was
narrating a Jerry Lewis March of Dimes special.
The musicians played a fanfare, beat their tam-tams, shook their
tambourines, and everyone cheered as Satan appeared in a flash of
fire and smoke from a trap door under the stage to stand before
his people. Billy Gog Groats was spectacular in his role as Satan.
If you didn't know, Gog appeared to be about the most gut
wrenching demon one might imagine in his or her worst nightmare.
Clarence Womack's reaction? "Jesus! What a hokey entrance! Who
staged this piece of crap? This is bad Mel Brooks at best or good
Monty Python at worst," he declared.
"Shut up, Clarence! You wanna' be pate' on his dinner table
tonight?" Billy asked, "He dearly loves fat meat – especially
long-pork slowly roasted over sulfur-pots filled with mesquite and
rosemary," Billy added. Billy's audience in the auditorium were
laughing their asses off.
"Can you believe this? This is just bizarre," Leon leaned over and
whispered to Pete between laughs.
"There's nothing sacred with these men. They's cowboys to the
bone. They work hard, help those in need, do what they can, but
they won't never pass up a chance to have a good time," Pete
replied. Hold on to your hat, Buckaroo, they's no tell'n what them
men got dreamed up for them two, but I can promise you, it will be
funny and just," Pete replied and laughed again.
Thor and Zeus materialized by Satan's side in Kagoli form with
their huge black leathery wings spread in transport mode. They
lowered their bat-like wings and bowed to their master. They each
offered him a hand to escort him to his throne. Satan took his
seat on the huge golden throne and glared out into the audience.
"We only got two on the docket for this evening, Sweetie-pie?" he
asked growling lovingly to his number one head demon.
"Yes, your Majesty, a preacher from Mason, Texas, who claims to be
the only true man of God in his community and says he speaks with
the supreme-being regularly who tells him what to do and how to
advise the members of his congregation, Sire," Joseph said.
"More holy shit? Lemme' guess. The preacher's the small fat
succulent just-ripe-for-slow-roast'n on a spit – the one sitting
there with a bored look on his face," Satan said. "Perhaps we
should teach him a lesson or freshen up his iced tea for him! Cake
or death?" Satan spat out toward Womack and smoke billowed from
his nares and mouth. The herb-spiked tea was just beginning to
take effect, and the preacher almost jumped out of his seat.
"Cake, and more tea, please," Clarence said holding up his flagon.
The tea was doing the same for Kit Crocker and his eyes doubled in
size. He was in awe of the creatures on the stage; Thor and Zeus
in particular. He thought they were just about the sexiest
critters he ever laid eyes on. Billy had to agree, they were
pretty damn spectacular.
"Very well, Cake for everyone!" Satan exclaimed. "Joseph, Darling,
why am I unhappy this evening? I'm missing something," the giant
"Your children, Master?" Joseph asked.
"Exactly! Where are my beloved demon children?" Satan asked like a
plea for his favorite blanket.
"Coordinator Demon! Where is our majesty's children?" Joseph asked
"He's got children?" Womack asked stunned.
"Yes, demonic children from outer space he adopted. Whatever you
men do, don't never say nothing bad about his kids. Holy shit!
Sometimes they's the only thing what will get him out of a bad
mood and you don't even wanna' witness one of his bad moods. His
last bad mood caused that terrible tsunami on Earth what killed
thousands of people," Billy said quietly and clapped his hands to
signal his staff.
Billy's audio-visual crew cued up the beginning of a recorded
version of Wagner's 'Ride of the Valkyries' they copied from the
Internet, and Billy's rag-tag band of village musicians joined in
as best they could. Their contribution was somewhat of an overlay
to the more serious meticulously recorded orchestral version.
Never having heard the piece until a couple of hours before they
were called to perform, and with only half a dozen rehearsals, God
love them, they did their best, but they didn't hit all the notes.
Far from it. The various 'splats,' 'blurps,' and 'bleeps,' were
totally out of context to the piece, but that didn't discourage
them a bit. They were seasoned troupers. Like heroes fallen in
battle, they might be wounded, but they picked themselves up,
returned to the fray to valiantly carry on the battle. It brought
a down-home feel to the Wagnerian pomposity, and carved Billy
Daniels a new asshole of unintended comic delight.
It was sort of like a cross between the little people's
performance of 'Me And My Shadow' from Time Bandits and 'Put'n On
The Ritz' from Young Frankenstein. A few mistakes didn't stop,
discourage, or slow them down. They attacked the piece with wild
abandon like it had been in their repertoire for decades, and the
wrong notes were suppose to be there. It was Wagner what got it
wrong. It was a total disaster, but Billy loved it. His cup of
off-beat humor runneth over and spilled over to his family who
were rolling in the isles in the auditorium. Billy had tears
running down his face and had to turn away least he be caught
laughing his ass off; however, cameras don't lie. They pick up
everything. They zeroed in on him and Billy's family went crazy
laughing, hooting, and applauding the young demon-cowboy and his
apocalyptic village band, including his two prodigies, Poly and
"Wagner? Oooh, pu-leeze! How decadent! How very Neo-Nazi,"
Clarence said to Billy sarcastically, "A bit melodramatic don't
you think?" he accused.
"I thought 'Melody Drama, Queen of the boards,' was your stage
name, Clarence," Billy shot back, "Since Wagner resides here in
Hell, we don't have to pay royalties on his music," Billy made up
"What did old Dickie Wagner do to land himself in Hell?" Clarence
"There was a transfer from Heaven to the warmer climes after so
many society matrons dragged their poor spouses kicking and
screaming to yet another season and round of Ring operas. Wagner
was cursed, defiled, and condemned to Hell by so many husbands
with sore butts over the years, he lost his place in paradise and
was sent down here to dwell. Here, he gets to enjoy seeing the
condemned suffer while they spend an eternity listening to his
operas non-stop; the lightest sentence is for a thousand years.
It's considered by many demons as the very worst sentence his
Badassness can give a sinner," Billy elaborated.
Off in the distance, through some columns right of the staging
area you could see the twelve demon sun bears flying in a 'V'
formation toward the castle from a distance outside. Billy didn't
plan it the way the cameras saw the scene, but it looked like a
visual metaphor of the helicopters approaching from 'Apocalypse
Now.' The visual effect was not lost on his audience and they
laughed even harder. The demon sun bears entered the chamber and
began to fly in a circle formation doing acrobatic flips and dips
in the air. They were superb athletes and daring agility was their
forte. They made several trips around the huge chamber until one
by one they settled on and around the biggest demon in the place;
their big daddy, Satan. Gog had a huge smile on his face. There
was no doubt about their mutual admiration for each other. He
dearly loved himself some Sun Bears, and it was obvious they loved
him equally in return. Several in Billy's audience went, "Awww,"
as the small creatures took their places. Two even perched on
either side of Gog's huge horns and hung on for dear life.
"Now, I'm happy. I'm a contented demon," Satan said like his soul
was at peace, took a deep breath, and expelled more smoke.
"By your leave, your Majesty, we will now hear from the Earth
counselor representing the two humans, Mr. Grover Parsnip," Joseph
"Speak, handsome Earthling!" Gog demanded.
"Your majesty, members of the court, and interested critters, it
is an honor to be here and stand before you; a unique opportunity,
to say the least. I have been placed in an awkward position of
representing two humans who have committed crimes against each
other of significant proportions. My client Clarence Chester
Womack contracted with me on Earth to represent him; however, I
have been assigned this gentleman on my left, Mr. Hello Kitty
Crocker, as a court appointed attorney. On Earth this would be
untenable, but I accept the challenge. I will do my best to
represent them both," Grover said strongly.
"Good man! Make a note, Lamb-cakes!" Satan spoke to Joseph, "When
this man's time comes to join us, we will prepare a special place
for him. In your demon dad's house there are many mansions, Son,"
Satan growled tenderly.
"Are you sure I'll come to Hell, your Majesty?" Grover asked
"Oh, yes! Absolutely! No question! Most certainly! Without a
doubt! Ain't no exceptions! All attorneys go straight to Hell! Cut
and dried! Over and out! Selah! It ain't my doing, Son, so don't
look fish-eye'd at me. It's a universal law. It's a live by the
sword; die by the sword sort of thing. Harump! Harump!" Satan
"I see," replied Grover, "We'll I guess h'it's good to have
friends in low places as well as high, I suppose," he said and
leveled Billy's audience watching in the auditorium. Everybody
loved the new Grover. He was in his cups and obviously enjoying
himself to the max.
* * * * * * *
Bubba nudged Jack and whispered, "Don't worry bro. When it comes
our time, I'll suck that big demon's cock while you slip out the
back. Jack. I'll do the time for bowfus," he consoled his buddy.
"You's a real pal, Bubba. As Bossman Randy says, 'Womb to tomb'
but I got an addendum to it – I'll stick wiff' my bro – through
Heaven or Hell," Jack said and laughed.
"You's a good man, Jack," Bubba allowed.
* * * * * * *
"Cut to the chase, Counselor!" Satan demanded.
"Preacher cuckolds cowboy; fucks wife. Cowboy murders Preacher for
revenge," Grover said.
"Ah, yes, I see the horns. Nice set of horns, Cowboy. I just love
my number one's horns," Satan said, "I have a soft spot for
cuckolds," the big demon added.
"Thank you, your Majesty. I know I's suppose to wear them with
shame, but I can't help it – a part of me is proud of them," Kitty
"And well you should be. They's quite handsome," Gog (Satan) said.
"I usually don't get into details much, but I can't help be
curious about the cowboy's name, Counselor," the dreadful demon
"I ain't had much time to speak with my client, but I know'd him
all his life and his circumstances. He was born out of wedlock to
a woman with some severe mental problems. She suffered from an
obsessive/compulsive disorder which can express itself in many
ways. One way is to develop addictive personality traits and the
addictions can be anything from alcohol, drugs, animals, junk
collecting, people, hoarding, and many other things sometimes
justified by the term 'hobbies.' Our cowboy's mom was addicted to
collecting inane cartoonish cat characters know as Hello Kitty.
She spent almost every dime of income she made or was given to her
through charitable organizations and welfare to buy these useless
trinkets while her boy wore rags and boots so worn he had to put
cardboard in them to keep his feet warm in winter.
"She was so obsessed with them cute little icons, she severely
neglected her son, but she also thought it would be equally cute
to name him after her obsession: Hello Kitty. She even tried to
sell the family ranch to buy more trinkets, but several attorneys,
including myself, went to her and told her she couldn't negotiate
the ranch as long as her son was alive to inherit it. The young
boy had as much interest in the ranch as she did, and we would see
to it he sued her to stop the sale. Of course we lied through our
teeth, but she didn't know, and eventually, Mr. Crocker was able
to finally get something of value from his mother. Too bad she had
to die before he realized anything of substance from her. I
suppose I should probably go to Hell for my part in such an
audacious lie and manipulation of the law, so I guess I can
understand, and I must agree with you, Master, all attorney's
probably should go to Hell," Grover allowed, "However, I suppose
the worst condemnation is, I ain't sorry I done it, and if
presented with the same situation today, there ain't no doubt in
my mind I'd do the same damn thing," Grover added and stood
"I never knew you done that for me, Mr. Parsnip," Kit Crocker said
in awe and appreciation.
"You weren't never suppose to know, Son," Grover said.
"May I ask your client a couple of questions, Counselor?" Satan
"Of course, it's your court, your honor," Grover replied.
"What the Hell were you thinking as a young boy, Son? Didn't
anybody take you aside and tell you, you were living with a crazy
woman for a mother?" Satan asked.
"Naw, sir. I knew she weren't right in the head, but she was all I
had. She was my mother, and I loved her. I never got much guidance
from adults other than her until I got old enough to cowboy and
then I was so backward socially I made an ass of myself most
times. I wanted to escape and have friends but nobody would take
the time to get to know me," Crocker replied, "Is she here with
you, sir?" he asked and a hush fell over both rooms in the castle.
"I can't tell you, Son. How would any deity, God or Demon, go
about condemning someone like your mother who has a mental
condition she can't control? If nobody steps in to find her some
help, it ain't her fault. The ones what will end up in Hell is
them what had the resources and could have helped her but didn't.
That don't mean you have to love and forgive her unconditionally,
either; however, I suspect you already done forgive her or you
wouldn't be so concerned about her whereabouts," Satan said.
"I do. I did. I forgave her. She tried her best to love me, but
she just didn't know how, and now I admit I'm a mental cripple
myself 'cause I don't know how to become the man I wanna' be. I
ain't never been showed the way," Crocker said with tears
streaming down his face.
"Don't despair, Son. The first step is admitting you know you got
problems. The next step is to find a way to guide you to the right
path which will take you where you want to go. Believe it or not,
and it's a well kept secret in our part of the cosmos, positive
change can and often does bring about salvation," Satan said like
a doting father, "Life and Earth are not through with you yet, but
better times are coming your way, and you will walk in the light
of change, healthy growth, and progress. It will be a long, slow,
sometimes painful journey, but you will make it. You will find
your bliss. Then, to hold onto it, and assure your place in the
continuum of the universe, you must do the same for others like
yourself," Satan said like the final verse and word of a holy
"Now what about the preacher?" Satan asked.
"Multiple abuses against one man in particular we have conclusive
proof. Clarence tried to blackmail a young cowboy to provide him
with sensitive information about a financially comfortable family
in our county so he could extort money from them. We have videos
of him fucking over half a dozen women, the wives of men whose
families were members of his congregation. One of which was Kit
Crocker's wife," Grover said.
"What's your excuse, Clarence?" Satan roared at Womack.
The herbs were taking full effect on Clarence and he knew there
was no getting out of this merry prank. He turned white as a
sheet, but his gut level defiance came roaring back, "I done it
for the glory of God and his church on Earth. Them wealthy
ranchers got more money than they know what to do with. They
should be coming to my church and giving money so's I can further
the work of our Lord Jesus Christ and his father!" Clarence
exclaimed and his words echoed through the castle like empty
tin-cans tied to the bumper of the car of two newly weds. Every
critter in the dungeon looked at him stunned without blinking that
he could be so vain and ignorant.
Suddenly, there was a great light appeared on the dais where
Satan, Joseph, and the sun bears were, and five beautiful angels
appeared. They were, in reality, Balthazar accompanied by Clyde,
Cowboy Andy, Garth, and Mack. They were dressed in their heavy
leather harnesses and adapted the leather kilts to their outfits.
They were wearing sandals which laced up to the knees. Billy had
Balthazar change his wings to black, but he wanted them tinged or
outlined in bright gold. It made him look really classy and regal.
Billy removed all body jewelry from his ringed angels for their
appearance. Clarence was about to shout out to them to rescue him
until he saw the lead angel was black. A black archangel? Clarence
thought he should think about it.
Balthazar went to Satan who opened his arms for him. "Archangel
Balthazar!" Satan exclaimed, "Welcome to the pits, Son. It's so
good to see you again. You come on official business or is you
just slum'n a bit to touch up your tan, Sweet host?" he asked.
Balthazar laughed, "Both, you old clown! How in Hell have you
been, Sweetheart. It's been too damn long, Butch, but you're just
as dreadful and disgusting as ever," he returned, and they hugged
in a warm embrace.
"Ah, you always could say the nicest things. A Host after me own
heart. Now cut it out! You know damn well you lusted after my ass
for centuries," Satan accused.
"No! No! I ain't never denied it. I ain't denying it now! I
couldn't think of no finer way to spend an evening than between
you and your mate. Hello, Joseph. You're looking fine. Love them
horns, Dad! On you, they look good!" Balthazar exclaimed and
winked at Satan's second.
"It's a real pleasure to see you again, Balthazar," Joseph said,
and shook his hand. "You been following our little hearing?" he
"Yeah, we caught it on the Angel-Net and thought we'd come make
your job a little easier. You work so hard we thought we'd see if
we could lend a helping hand with these two," Balthazar said.
"You're always welcome for whatever reason you can get away,"
Satan cooed, "Bring comfortable chairs for our guests. Before we
deal with our second human, we need a break and some more
entertainment. Can we get you a flagon of sweet tea, some 'za and
a brewski, or a nice vintage Gewürztraminer made from our finest
grapes in our vineyard?" Satan asked.
"I'll have a small taste of the Gewürztraminer, and a small bit of
your outstanding stout head-cheese your slaves make. That would be
a little bit of Heaven here in Hell," Balthazar said and grinned.
A page took the angel's order and rushed off to fill them.
"Program director, what entertainment do you have for us? I got a
feeling, this next hearing is going to leave a bad taste in my
mouth, and I think we need something to lift our spirits," Satan
said and Clarence Womack let out with an audible groan like he
imagined he was doomed.
"Your beloved Sun Bear demons have worked up a new Morris Dance
for you, Sire. With your permission, our small group of musicians
will play J. S. Bach's Gavotte, one and two, from his Orchestral
Suite Number one in C Major BWV 1066. Gentle creatures – " Billy
addressed his musicians and the Sun Bears. The cute little
creatures were prepared. They lemniscated themselves with bright
green and red ribbons on their arms, necks, wrists, and ankles.
They flew out from them as they assumed their places for the start
of the music. The Maestro started with a nice steady tempo and the
Sun Dancers performed flawlessly. The musicians redeemed
themselves from their previous torture of Wagner. Their Bach was
quick, crisp, and clean. Poly and Cass led the string section, but
Billy's wind players were superb and gave the Gavotte the crisp
hop it needed to insured the Sun Bears didn't miss a step. It was
a personal triumph of the evening for Billy and everyone seemed to
enjoy the performance. There was much applause for the players and
dancers as they ran to the angels and demons for hugs and kisses;
then, they ran to Billy and smothered him with their love.
"For a simple program director, you seem awfully popular with the
help, Demon," Clarence observed caustically.
"What can I tell you? We work together as family to keep our
Bossman happy and content. You might try being a little less
skeptical and a bit more thankful you've been given a second
chance at life even if it means your circumstances might
drastically change," Billy said.
"I'll take my chances," Womack shot back.
"Fine. Lemme' know how that works out for you, Clarence," Billy
said dismissing him.
"Why have you honored us with your presence this evening, Bright
Angel?" Satan asked Balthazar.
"We heard about the murder of Clarence Womack and came to see
about him," Balthazar replied.
"At last! You've come to rescue me, and take me to heaven with
you. Praise God! I knew he would never desert me! I am his
messenger on Earth. He needs me!" Womack shouted in
"Hardly," Balthazar replied, "I'm the highest Archangel in Heaven
– " Balthazar started but Clarence interrupted him.
"But you're black!" he exclaimed.
Balthazar looked at Satan and drew a blank. Joseph shrugged his
shoulders, but Billy laughed. He winked at Balthazar and nodded
his head slightly.
"Am I? Really? I haven't looked in a mirror in so long I forgot.
You have something against black angels, Mr. Womack?" Balthazar
asked sternly. He was not amused. Balthazar looked at Gog (Satan)
and watched him blush, grin, and shake his head in disbelief.
"He's all yours, Son. Consider him an early Spring Solstice gift,"
"That's precisely why I'm here, Demon Daddy. The Big Kahuna -- him
who's name can not be spoken -- has sent me to give this moron a
stern warning. You do not represent God, Womack! You are a
charlatan and a miserable failure as a human being. Your actions
have been self-serving and despicable. The only God you worship is
Mammon, and you will be condemned to spend an eternity in Hell
cleaning out the sewer systems for the poor and middle class,"
Balthazar declared, "Unless...!" he paused for a second, "Someone
comes up with a creative alternative for you and grants you
another chance at a better life. Right now, you are at the mercy
of Satan and his minions – but not to worry. It could be worse. It
could be raining," Balthazar said and grinned.
"I don't believe you. There ain't no such thing as black angels.
There's something wrong about this. There's something not quite
right about this place. Why would Hell have entertainment? It's
all wrong, and I'll get to the bottom of this if it's the last
thing I do!" Womack exclaimed, "Black angel, my ass!" he added in
"I think I'm ready to pronounce judgment, Son," Satan said to
Billy and grinned.
"Yes, sir, your Majesty. Your wish is our command," Billy bowed
deeply to Satan.
"I'm gonna' ask you a question. If you lie to me, I'll know and
terminate you without further ado as a hopeless case. Have you
ever been butt-fucked by another man?" Satan asked.
"No, I ain't never been butt-fucked!" Womack exclaimed.
"Our searches tell us he's telling the truth, Master," Joseph said
checking with one of their attendants.
"Cowboy," Satan said speaking to Kit Crocker, "your long road to
redemption starts here this evening. Since Mr. Womack decided to
take something what was yours, I think it only fair you should
take something what's his in return; an eye for an eye – an
asshole for a cunt," he said, "Think you can rise to the occasion,
Son?" Satan asked.
"His cock ain't gone down since I give him them horns, Master,"
Billy said and laughed.
"Did you ever cheat on your wife, Son?" Satan asked.
"Not with another woman, your honor, sir," Crocker replied.
"Another man?" Satan asked.
"Naw, sir," Crocker replied, "although I done thought about it a
lot," he added.
"You mean there's a broken hearted ewe running around in a pasture
out to your place what's trying to call you to come back and make
love to her again? I can just hear the poor dear now, I-i-i-i,
w-u-u-v-v-e, y-o-u-u-u, C-o-o-w-b-o-o-y," Satan said sounding like
a sheep bleating and fell over laughing. He almost knocked one of
his demon Sun Bears off his horns, but he caught the cute little
critter in time and steadied it.
"Yes, sir, a couple," Crocker said, "but I don't knows I can fuck
a man, sir?" he added.
"Sure you can, Son. Insert tab A into slot B and hump with vigor.
Ain't nothing to it. It's like wild-cat'n for oil in Texas. You
keep drill'n until she blows. Don't stop until you unload your
cowboy gizz up his butt, and I promise, you'll get major bonus
points if you're a good enough lover and make him shoot his at the
same time," the huge monster said.
"You can't be serious. Don't I have any say in this?" Womack began
"Yes, you can thank the nice cowboy for the good ride after he he
fills your gut with his sweet hot load of Buckaroo gizz. It's
always considered polite in Texas," Billy replied.
"I thought you said we weren't in Texas no more," Womack threw
Billy a curve ball.
"Hell? Texas? The names are synonymous in many folks' mind – or
sometimes it can be a little piece of Heaven on Earth, depending
on your point of view and your relationship with the state," Billy
swung, connected, and knocked it out of the park. A cheer of
agreement went up from his viewing audience.
"This is homosexual rape!" Womack protested.
"Rape is such a nasty word. Ain't that what you done to Kitty
Crocker? Metaphorically, you done raped him. You fucked him in the
butt by fucking his wife. You took what was his without his
permission. Now it's time for paybacks. The big cowboy's just
gonna' even the score. He's gonna' take your ass without your
permission; and, did you get a good look at the whopper on that
stud? Sweet Jesus, it's a beaut! I seen Shetland ponies what
weren't nearly so well endowed. It's a real quarter pounder to
pound your virgin ass. I got me a feel'n you're really gonna'
enjoy this Clarence, and don't be shy. Don't feel like you have to
hold back none, neither, just 'cause you got an audience watching.
We'll turn down the lights, get your rider set in your saddle by
ease'n that big piece of cowboy meat inside you, packing it in
tight up your butt. We'll make a little music to fuck a demon by,
open the gate, and let him buck; and, remember, the more you
encourage him the better fuck'n you're gonna' get. It's like
anything else in life, the more you put into it, the more you're
gonna' get back. You may find you really like it, Clarence.
Wouldn't that be a surprise?" Billy asked taunting him.
"Not very likely, Sport," Womack said, "Sounds like you been on
the receiving end yourself more'n a few times," he added
"Many times, Clarence. More'n you got toes and fingers to count.
Take it from a master, I know how give a hot demon-cowboy a ride
he'll remember the rest of his life," Billy said and growled in
Kit Crocker pulled Billy to one side away from the crowd. "Uh, Mr.
Demon, sir, I love my horns and all, but I just don't feel much
like a buckaroo right now," Crocker whinged.
"I understand, Cowboy. Yore' demon daddy knows what your problem
is. I seen you in action at too many rodeos, Stud. I ain't never
seen you back down from riding one a them big ferocious Brahma
Bulls, right? Billy asked.
"Never, sir," Crocker replied.
"I ain't never seen you pass a ride on a particularly
mean-spirited bronc, right?" Billy asked.
"Never, sir," Kit replied.
"And I ain't never seen you fail to grab one a them big bulls by
the horns and flip it over until you won the dog'n run, have I?"
"Never, Mr. Demon," Crocker answered with more spirit, "but how
did you attend a rodeo as a demon, sir?" he asked.
"I watched though another man's eyes, Cowboy. Us demons can do
that. Now, I want you to walk over to that cell and pull them pair
of size eighteen triple E Buckaroo boots on, walk around the
corner, get another good long look at chore'self and them horns in
that full length mirror, and walk back over to me like a buckaroo
what's ready to ride the roughest stock. Understand, Son?" Billy
"I understand, Mr. Demon and thank you, sir," Kitty Crocker said,
turned, and almost ran to the cell.
When he returned, Kit Crocker had a big grin on his face and his
cock was standing stiff and straight. He was a cowboy ready for
the rodeo. Billy smiled and thought it was amazing what a pair of
buckaroo boots will do for a man. Like Dumbo the flying elephant
thought he needed a feather in his nose to fly, so Kit Crocker
needed his boots to feel like a real cowboy. Billy didn't put the
man down for it or thought less of him as a man. He empathized
with the big man and found him more of a brother than an
aberration. He remembered how much his own boots meant to him and
how uncomfortable he was without them. He noticed, after decades
living without Western boots, Hank and Buck became changed men
from the moment Clyde outfitted them on Retikki Prime to visit his
planet and the Irin on Fort Adam Lear.
The lights were lowered and preparations were made for Kitty
Crocker to mount Clarence Womack. Womack was secured to a table.
His feet and legs were raised with the aid of metal examination
stirrups. He began to babble accusations and threats to those who
would impose on his rights as a human. He pulled out every empty
argument known to a right wing huckster who found himself on the
wrong end for the turn of a screw. It became annoying as well as
disgusting and didn't add much to the ambiance for sexual
intercourse no matter how you looked at it. Billy warned Clarence
a couple of times and told him he would shove a good size penis
gag in his mouth if he didn't shut up and take it like a man. Kit
Crocker seemed unfazed by Womack's blather. He was a cowboy on a
mission and considered Womack's objections little more than he
might a sweaty, nervous, bellowing Brahma Bull or a ornery
snorting wild brucking bronc he was about to ride. He was there to
do a job. He was, after all, a cowboy, and he would give it his
Billy removed the butt plug from Womack's ass like he was
unlocking the gates to the horizon. A new chapter in Clarence
Womack's second life was about to begin. With his stallion ready
to mount his mare, his large penis properly lubricated, Cowboy Kit
Crocker slowly but surely sunk his metaphorical 'Big Mack' into
Clarence Womack's depths and felt the warm comfort of the
preacher's ass wrap around his big cock like the hand of the Lady
of the Lake when it rose up from the water to reclaim Excalibur
for the ages. He was transported home on the range, comfortable in
the saddle, and ready to ride Womack's wildest buck. Womack's
small pink beady eyes opened to their maximum width upon having
his anal cavity invaded by such a large object, but his fears and
objections seemed to quickly fly out the windows of his mind. A
look came over his face; one of delightful surprise; an enigmatic
smile like that on the face of a dead baby. Billy knew that look.
He knew it well. It was like the gas gauge on his old pickup truck
and showed how full of Hank and Buck's magic herbs Womack's tank
was at the moment. Combined with the pressure and massage of his
prostate gland Clarence Womack walked through the double doors of
the horizon, his mind was lifted high on the winds of sexual
stimulation, and his spirit was carried away on the wings of a
To everyone's surprise, the big cowboy didn't seem to be
interested in fucking for vengeance so much as he was looking for
a good ride to win the rodeo. It soon became obvious, Crocker was
no novice to fucking and proceeded to give old Clarence a text
book cowboy ride. The more the big cowboy fucked the preacher the
stronger the magic herbs came over both men until they divorced
themselves from a physical reality and began to orbit within each
other's unique sphere of influence and conjoined like double stars
might feed off one another. There are no words to describe the
perfect fuck; although, lesser men have tried. Perhaps there is no
such thing, but those who believe in and support random
spontaneous development of life over miraculous intervention are
prone to believe there are more than a few analogies for the
creation of new structures both physical and mental. The creation
of new stars in the universe was certainly one to consider. It
begged the question: Just how connected is the microcosm to the
macrocosm? A riddle nested within an enigma inside a
The big cowboy reached a perfect rhythm which moved Clarence
Womack's fundament to relax and open to the larger man's strong,
steady, but comfortable invasion. Crocker's fucking became
hypnotic to Clarence and his eyes glazed over like someone in a
mystic trance. It came to him, he was losing control of his body,
and the big cowboy fucking him was now in charge; he was losing
control; however, it wasn't as threatening or distasteful as
Clarence thought it might be. In fact, try as he may to cancel out
the thought, it was becoming incredibly sensual and sexually
stimulating to the point he felt himself beginning to rise to
climax. Womack looked directly into Kit Crocker's eyes, and they
knew in an instant they reached the same level of stimulation. "Go
for it, Cowboy! Win the rodeo!" Womack quietly urged his partner
in muted passion. They hit at the same moment and Womack's
ejaculation flew up and over his head in three separate volleys,
as Kit Crocker filled his lower track with his hot cowboy cream.
It was done, and Crocker's horns disappeared. The balance between
them was made equal. Someone rang a small bell, and another star
was born in a distant galaxy.
"Hosanna!" exclaimed Balthazar quietly.
"Hosanna, in the highest!" he was answered by the others with
End of Chapter 51 ~ Him Who Made The Seven Stars
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