The Jascian's Toy copyright 2005 Rowan McBride

ALL RIGHTS RESERVED. This story may not be reproduced in whole or in part without author's permission.

This story is a work of fiction, and any resemblance to persons, living or dead (or undead), or places, events or locales is purely coincidental. They are a product of the author's imagination, or used fictitiously.

The following story contains erotic homosexual situations. If it is illegal for you to read this please leave now.

- Eleven -

Her heart. If I could just get her heart going, then everything would come back. I knew it. I could feel it.

*****

I bolted upright in bed, gasping for air.

"Blake?" Gavin sat up, rubbing his eyes. "What's wrong?"

"N-Nothing," I told him, shivering even as I threw the blanket off my body. I was drenched in cold sweat. "Bad dream."

He hissed, tearing off a corner of the bed sheet and wiping me down. My chest, my legs. He tried to take my boxers off, but I cringed and he let me go. "You haven't had a nightmare since you were brought to Jasc." His thumb glided up and down my back. "I thought being here had fixed you."

Frowning, I rubbed vigorously at my own arms, trying to chase the chill away. "Fixed me?"

"On Earth you woke up like this a lot."

Jesus. He'd watched even that. "Guess I'm still broken."

He leaned down, catching my gaze. "Tell me what to do."

"Wh-What would happen to me if I had a heart attack here?" I asked suddenly, focusing on those bright blue eyes. It was night, but with the moonlight spilling through the window I could see him perfectly, silvered and beautiful. "If any of the Earthers had one?"

Gavin tilted his head to the side. "What's a heart attack?"

That answered my question and I nodded at him. "Right," I whispered, dropping my gaze to the mattress. "We'd die."

He started to pick me up and I resisted, hugging my knees to my chest. "Don't. Please."

His hands paused, drew away from me. "If an Earther did have a...heart attack, couldn't you fix them? You fixed so many in just the last few weeks."

"It's not like a rash, or a scratch, or even a dislocated shoulder." My head tipped forward as I scrubbed at my face with my hand. "The heart is powerful and fragile—it's the key to all of us."

"What about the brain?"

My mouth crooked. "What good's the brain if there's nothing to feed it?" My colleagues would skin me alive if they heard me talking such nonsense. The brain was universally considered the most important organ in the body. But since that day... Since that little girl...

"Julie," I whispered.

Gavin touched me again. I didn't look up, but I didn't pull away.

"Who's Julie?" he asked softly.

My eyes drifted shut. "The girl who died. You saw me try and save her." I shuddered when his hand paused on my back. "Her name was Julie. In the chaos I didn't know that, but when I had to tell her parents their child was dead, they told me." My hands slipped into my hair, tugging viciously at the locks. "Julie. Pretty name for a pretty girl. I couldn't save her. I did everything right and I still couldn't..."

"Blake, the other doctors said it wasn't—"

"My fault," I finished, wishing like hell I had something hard to drink. "Her life was in my hands. That made her my responsibility."

"It wasn't your fault." Strong fingers drifted to my chest, gently pressed me back onto the mattress. "Some things are just too broken to fix."

My breath hitched as my eyes welled with tears. "Wh-What if someone brings us an Earther who's really hurt? At home I'd have all the right medication, equipment, and people to assist me. I'd have a chance to save them. Here..."

His face cleared. "That's what you've been worrying about."

I'd been so happy to play doctor, but I knew eventually someone would come with a relatively simple injury I couldn't do anything about. Not on Jasc, anyway.

Gavin lowered his head, brushed his lips over my stomach. "Maybe we could have some of the things you need commissioned for you."

A hollow chuckle escaped me as I rubbed at my eyes. "On a planet that has no concept of medicine?"

"All right, then we can take what you need from Earth."

I stilled, pulled my hand away from my face. "Taking things from Earth is what caused this problem in the first place."

His eyes rounded as he straightened. "Blake."

Turning over onto my stomach, I slipped my arms beneath my toy pillow. "Do you ever think about that? The responsibility you have to your playthings?"

Tension drew the air taut, but Gavin's voice was calm as he answered me. "Of course we think about it. We need to take care of you."

"Yet Earthers still fall off nightstands; get torn open by vedas. You have a manual with," I took a steadying breath, "nothing of use in it."

His voice dropped to a whisper. "I've never let you get hurt, have I?"

Gavin didn't see my point at all. I buried my face deeper into my pillow. "That doesn't matter."

"Doesn't matter?" He moved closer, bracing a forearm on each side of my body as he leaned close. "Blake, do you think I'm special?"

The heat rolled off of his body, his warm breath caressed my back. But it was his question that made me turn over to look up into bright eyes. "What?"

His face was open, vulnerable as he stared down at me. "You can tell the difference between me and other Alphas, right?"

My brow furrowed, but I nodded.

"Do you trust me?"

He was the only thing in this world I did trust, so I nodded again.

"Then listen to me." Gavin lowered his head a fraction more, speaking slowly, in soft tones. "I will never. Let. Your heart. Break."

My lips parted.

Gavin fingered my hair with two of his fingers. "It's stressful the first year, because you're so delicate. The truth is that some Earthers do get hurt, but it's very rare for one to die." His fingers trailed down my body. "All of that ends after the second transition. When we change, you'll be stronger and much harder to hurt."

It took a second for the full impact of what he said to hit me. When it did, I sat up, my eyes wide. "W-We?"

He nodded. "The second transition will affect both of us."

The heat drained from my skin. "How will it affect me?"

His voice was still calm, still warm. "You'll get a little stronger, we'll be more aware of each other."

More aware? Gavin could already hear my heartbeat. How much more aware could he get? "The structure of my biology will change?"

"Not a lot. Enough to make life easier for you on Jasc."

I frowned, trying to understand that. "I won't break?"

Gavin smiled. "You won't break. None of the Earthers will."

There were a thousand questions racing through my mind, but one shot to the forefront as I lifted an eyebrow. "Will I grow?"

"No," he said, chuckling. "Well, you might, but it won't be noticeable."

Hopes dashed again. I dropped back onto the mattress. "I don't know if I like the idea of transitioning. No offense, but you were scary as hell during the first one."

His smile faded. "You'll like it. I promise."

He looked...sad. Because it sounded as if I didn't trust him? "All right."

Gavin stared down at me a moment longer, before lowering his body. His shoulders rose, accenting the striations in his delts, pushing his chest forward. Silver light hit every swell of muscle, while shadows plunged the dips into almost perfect darkness.

The lure of becoming closer to this man was impossible to resist.

"How often did you watch me when I lived on Earth?" I whispered.

"Every day," he answered easily. "Once, I checked my handheld between classes and some guy had you up against your bedroom wall. He was touching you all over, kissing your neck, pulling off your clothes. I skipped class so I could watch and jack off right there in the hallway."

Shocked, I felt my breathing go shallow. "You were too young to be watching that."

He smirked. "We mature differently than you do."

I glanced away, knowing those sharp eyes could see the blush rising in my skin.

But Gavin continued on as if he hadn't noticed. "I watched you do a lot of things. Laugh...cry..." His voice dropped. "Try to kill yourself."

"You were too young to be watching that, too," I murmured.

That didn't get to him either. "I worked like hell to hack the system again, to go and get you, but by the time I figured out the code you'd dragged yourself out of the pit you were in."

It was hard, hearing it. Finding out that someone had been paying such close attention in those moments I'd been sure I was alone. So I forced a smile and looked up at him. "I'm surprised you like me at all, then. I'm such a wreck."

He shook his head. "On Earth you took care of hundreds of children. They trusted you, and all the adults gravitated toward you, asked your advice. And what you said always made sense, always seemed to help. Now you've got my friends calling you for help." The pad of his forefinger touched my cheek. "I... I want to be a leader like you are. I want people to feel it's natural to come to me."

Nothing could have prepared me for a confession like that, and I fumbled around for some sort of intelligent response. "How long have you been thinking that?"

"A lot, lately. Whenever I look at you."

"Oh," I said softly.

Gavin broke into a wide grin, and all seriousness vanished. "Why don't we go to Jovin's store tomorrow? We could refill your Earther Care Kit, and you can pick out anything else you want."

Glad that I was going to have time to absorb what he'd said, I nodded. "There's nothing I need, though."

"It's not about what you need. It's about what you want." His entire face brightened. "We could also go to one of my favorite snack bars, have something cool to drink. Would you like that?"

This sounded like a date. Why did this sound like a date? "S-Sure," I said, scared and excited at the same time, "sounds fun."

"It does." He stretched out beside me, his body curling on my side of the bed, his eyes never leaving me. "Can't wait."

The panic faded and I softened, edging closer to his face, running my hand along the bridge of his nose. "Goodnight, Gavin."

His eyes drifted shut as his body curled a little tighter. "Goodnight, Blake."

I smiled wryly as he fell asleep. Must be nice, being able to say what was on your mind and not worry about the consequences. I knew I wasn't going to be closing my eyes for a while yet.

As I watched him sleep, though, everything he told me turned itself over in my head, and I noticed something. When Gavin referred to me, he'd used the word "Earther," not "toy." And where he normally would have said "beta" or "toy shop," he'd called Jovin by name.

I... I didn't know what that meant.

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