The next morning, I woke up with my hand aching and my body crying out for just a few more minutes of sleep. I looked at the alarm clock, and realized that I had only gone to bed three hours ago, give or take fifteen minutes. The time flew by in a single blink, the cradle of sleep caressing me until my reality was so rudely interrupted by the clock next to my bed. The second I stopped the alarm from blaring loudly in my ear, I closed my eyes and felt myself being lulled into a deep sleep again almost instantly. Shit...I really don't wanna get up right now. Fuck! Stupid school! Why couldn't today be a weekend?
I tossed and turned in frustration for a few minutes, before finally giving up my warm spot under the sheets to sit upright on the bed. I felt my blood trying to get itself in motion again, feeling like mud in my veins. I had spent HOURS on that damn drawing last night, working on every painstaking detail, making sure that it came out better than perfect. My hand had actually cramped up on me at one time, forcing me to take a well deserved break. But once the cramp was gone, I got right back to work on that artwork. This was the one to almost break me, and after putting so much thought and effort into it, I knew I had to make it amazing.
Of the three, it was probably the hardest to get right. Probably because of the subject matter. I'm sure that Gideon is gonna take one look at this picture and laugh at me. Boys aren't supposed to draw pictures of other boys. Not unless they're queer and abnormal....like me. Maybe he won't notice. Nah, look at how gorgeous I made him, of course he's gonna notice. Stupid. I should have drawn something else entirely. Something safe...like a pile of dog shit on the sidewalk.
I stood up, rubbing the sand out of my eyes, and lazily walked over to my desk top. Yeah....this is way too pretty to be the work of a heterosexual teenager. I made sure that I covered the drawing with a book last night, just in case my mom came in and saw it by mistake while I was sleeping. I adjusted the semi-erect ogran in my boxers a bit, and gently lifted the book to gaze upon the artwork that I had been agonizing over for most of the night. I half expected to hate it, now that some time had passed since I finished it off. I was sure that a second glance would cause me to cringe and immediately begin ripping it to shreds, just from the embarrassment alone. But....surprisingly, I still liked it. My eyes were scanning desperately for mistakes, but even the flaws I made in the drawing seemed to add a certain genuine personality to it. Wow...I can't believe I actually did that.
I stared at the drawing for a while longer, softly sighing to myself. There he was...in all his glory. Joshua Roth...sighhh...just beautiful. I never tried to actually draw someone from memory before, but with Josh...it came so easily. I spent so many heartbreaking days mentally licking every single inch of him that it wasn't hard to remember his every delicate feature in detail. I even made sure to draw him in one of my favorite shirts that I liked to see on him. The purple and white long sleeved one that always made him look so cuddly. You know when you get the right shirt on the right boy, and it just makes you want to touch and kiss and hug and squeeze him every minute of the day? That's what it was like. I stared at the sketch, noticing the attention that I paid to his beautiful eyes. The extra pencil strokes that I added to get the golden glory of his hair just right. And his body frame....wow. I remember actually getting chills as I drew in the sensual curve of his neck, the flat of his soft belly, and the lickable hint of a v-line heading down into his faded jeans whenever he stretched, his shirt rising slowly to reveal his stomach. God, he was dreamy. It was almost like having a piece of my fantasy right there in the flesh, looking at that drawing. And just like the real thing, I could stare at it all day.
The sweetened nature of his features were so soft and smooth, giving him the fragile appearance of a newborn bunny. But that's just how gentle his features were. Like a dream, ready to fade away if you pushed too hard to focus on it. I even drew a few of his hairs lifted back, as though a gentle breeze had carried it in its embrace. Yeah...this is way too gay for me to show to Gideon. I've gotta change it. I'll...I'll just tell him that I messed up on the drawing and I wanna make a better one. Besides, I think I wanna save this one just for me. Just to....stare at from time to time and remember what it feels like to be totally lost in someone. It will help when I'm feeling down.
I'll have to give Gideon a substitute though. What else can I draw? I guess I could do, like, a bounty hunter or something more manly like that. Ooh, I've got a good idea for how I want it to look too.
Just then, the phone rang...
I put my geometry book over the sketch, and walked over to answer it. "Hello?"
"Why did you cover it up?" Said the voice on the other end.
"The drawing. Why did you cover it up? I want to see it." What the hell?
"In the flesh. I'm coming to check out the drawing, so get that book off of it and let it breathe a little."
"How the hell did you know that I...?"
"Are you gonna open your bedroom door, or should I knock first?" He said.
"Huh?" Just then, I heard a knock at my door. How the hell does he DO that??? I slowly walked over to the door, and opened it up just enough to peek into the hallway. There Gideon was, standing in the hall with a cell phone in hand, smiling at me with a mischevious sparkle in his eyes.
"Are you gonna let me in?" He said, hanging up the cell phone.
"How did you get in here?"
"Your mom let me in on her way to work. I called from downstairs."
"She left without me?"
"I told her we'd be walking to school today instead of her giving you a ride. She said it was fine. Nice lady. She offered me some bacon." He said, holding up a piece and taking a bite. "So....are we gonna talk through the door all 'cloak and dagger' like, or are you actually gonna allow me inside?"
"Nothing I haven't seen before, trust me. We were both built with the same parts. Of course...mine happen to come from a bigger mold." He grinned, and I slowly opened the door to let him in my room, hiding behind the door a bit. I think a part of me was still dazed by how amazingly unaffected he was by what I might be thinking about him for bursting into my house unannounced like this. But Gideon was never really one to be self conscious about much of anything. His confidence seemed almost limitless when he was around me. It was both impressive and aggravating at the same time. Gideon proudly walked into the center of my room and looked back at me as I stared at him, not knowing whether to be insulted by this intrusion yet or not. "What?" He asked.
"You're looking at me like you haven't seen me in five years or something. Wake up, braniac, we've got a lot to do today."
"Yes indeedee! You wanted to be popular right? No better time to start working on that than the present. Don't you think?" He walked over to my desk, and put his hand on my book to lift it up a little bit off of the drawing. I instantly tensed up with a slight gasp, and he looked up to see my reaction. He smiled at me, seeing how worried I was. He didn't lift the book all the way off of the drawing, he did it just enough to make me nervous. "So you finished the third drawing last night? That's good. Did it turn out the way you wanted it to?"
"Um...actually...I was kinda thinking that, maybe I could do another one. A...a better one." I got more flustered as Gideon used his thumb to slowly flip through the pages of the book. Lifting the cover up, and letting it fall. Lifting it up and letting it fall. The pages fluttering down with every lift.
"What's wrong with this one?"
"It's...uhh...I mean it's not really...what I..." He lifted it some more, and then, with one more big grin, he lifted the book off of the drawing completely and took a look at it. Shit! I was busted! I flinched and closed my eyes in humiliation while he stared at the picture in silence. Why did I have to make such a 'faggy' sketch of Joshua Roth? Huh? Why? I should have hidden it in the drawer instead of leaving it on top of the desk like that. Stupid!
An eternity passed while I cowered in my terrified thoughts of being exposed, and then Gideon asked me, "So who is it?"
I opened my eyes, feeling my heart pounding and my chest rumbling with fear. My mind was already thinking of a thousand excuses as to why I would be drawing nearly erotic pictures of a cute blond teenage boy from school. It was a natural instinct to cover it up with as much dirt and mud and emotional concrete as humanly possibly so that no one would discover my dirty secret. I could just deny it all. I could say that it was a friend. Who is Gideon to suggest that I'm gay? This boy could just be some random sketch for all Gideon knows.
"It's not a trick question." Gideon said, looking down at the drawing and tracing the lines with his finger. "Who is it?"
"The boy in the picture?" I asked, hoping to buy me a couple of extra seconds while I get my lies straight.
Gideon looked up at me with a sarcastic smile. "Yes, Gavin. 'The boy in the picture'. Who is he?"
"He's....I dunno...just...some guy I know. From school I mean." My voice was trembling at this point. Hide it, Gavin. Don't let him figure you out.
"Just some guy you know from school, huh?" He asked again, and I nodded. He picked up the paper and held it up to his chest to show me. "I really like this one. I like the attention to detail. The shading. The pressure you used in your pencils is so firm in some places, but oh so gentle in others. It feels like you put a lot of emotion into this. This drawing came from the soul. I wouldn't change a thing." Ok, so far so good. Let me just grab my stuff and get him out of my room before he thinks twice about it.
"Yeah. I guess. It's nothing special though." I said, downplaying everything about it as he put it back down on the desk top. "We should probably get going if I'm gonna walk. School isn't necessarily around the corner..." Whew...thank God he didn't start looking deeper into the whole thing.
"Gavin, are you gay?" Gideon asked me so quickly, so matter-of-factly, that my entire body seemed to instantly lock up and go into shock. It was like being hit by a fucking truck!
"Wh-what???" My stomach began to sommersault beneath my ribs, and my hands were shaking.
His grin got bigger. "I asked you if you were gay." He said again. Speaking bravely, clearly, staring me directly in the eye. And it shook me to the bone.
"Wha...Why would you ask me that?"
"Don't avoid the question. Just answer me, yes or no." He said. I stuttered and stumbled and even tried to laugh it off a bit as though it were a joke, my eyes being directed down at the floor. Gideon giggled right along with me for a second, then after a short pause he got serious and asked, "So are you?"
"Dude...c'mon...what...I don't know why you would even think..."
"It's not a difficult question, Gavin. Just tell me."
I had no way to stall him. And I couldn't think with him staring at me like that. My mind froze up on me and no answers would come. No one had ever just come out and just....ASKED me like that before. Ever. "I'm not...well...what do you even mean by...by 'gay', anyway? Like, that could mean...anything, really..."
"Well...it can mean 'happy', and it can mean 'homosexual'. Right now I'm asking you if you're a homosexual. It would make me 'happy' to know." He said.
"Ok, let me make this as simple as I possibly can for you. Do you prefer penis...or vagina, when you're thinking about sex with another person?" He was talking to me like I was slow or something, mocking my hesitation. Was he making fun of me? Could he see the answer in the instant blush on my face? There was only one thing that I could say. The champion phrase for every closeted teenage homosexual on the planet...
"That's really none of your business." Ah yes, the old 'none of your business' manuever. A classic. It's right up there with 'Why, are you?' and 'I haven't decided yet.'
"Actually, Gavin, it is going to have to be my business very soon if you want me to help you. Remember what I told you? If you give me an honest effort, I'll give you honest results. But I can't do that if you start getting squeamish everytime I ask you a simple question."
"I'm not getting squeamish!"
"Then answer the question."
"I already told you what the answer was."
"No you didn't. You said it was none of my business, and that's not the same thing. So...spill the beans. Are you gay?" He waited a few seconds for me to answer, raising his eyebrows as he saw my mouth open reluctantly with nothing coming out of it. "Are you gay, Gavin? That's all I need to know."
"WAIT! Gimmee a second to think!"
"What is there to think about?"
"Nothing! I mean...I'm trying to tell you!"
"So tell me."
"I WILL if you shut up long enough!" I said, then he stood with his arms folded in perfect silence, waiting. Shit....
"Need more time?" He asked after a moment of two.
"Why are you being so difficult?"
"I'm not being difficult, you're being difficult. I asked you a simple question with a yes or no answer and you can't tell me. Why?"
"Just...leave it alone, ok." I said, and walked over to my closet to grab a pair of pants to put on for school. The faster I'm out of here, the better. I don't have to tell him anything if I don't want to.
"Again with the 'alone' stuff...sighhhh..." Gideon said. "Ok, listen...I'm not here to judge you one way or the other. If you're gay, be gay. It's great. But you've got to be real about it. This whole excercise isn't about being 'normal', it isn't about being 'perfect', it isn't about being what you think people want you to be. It's about being honest. That's all. There's nothing to worry about, I promise." He walked over to me, and put his hand on my shoulder, turning me to face him. "Understand, Gavin...if you want me to, I can get you butt naked and bumping uglies with the hottest girl in school, but it's really not gonna do you much good if you'd rather wrap your lips around some boy's sausage after track practice." He grinned. "So...let me ask you again, and be honest with me....are you gay?"
I let my eyes drop and fiddled with my belt loops for a second, but he lifted my chin back up with his fingers to look him directly in the eye, and waited for my response. I don't think I had ever said the word outloud before. I had been choking it back for so long that it nearly brought tears to my eyes just trying to get the voice to say it. "You already know, so why should I have to say it."
"Don't say it for me, say it for you." He said softly. "Come on....just try it. Say it."
It was like a large lump of coal in my throat, struggling its way to the surface, and when I finally opened my mouth, my eyes watering up slightly from the strain...I said, "Yeah...maybe. Just...just a little bit...gay, sure. I...I think." Was that a confession? Hell, I don't even know.
I saw Gideon giving me a strange look, trying not to snicker at my half assed attempt to tell him that I was gay. Then he let go with a laugh. "Hehehe, I suppose that's a baby step in the right direction."
"You're laughing at me." I pouted.
"Yes, Gavin. Yes, I am. Hahaha!" He giggled. "But, you DO realize how silly that sounded, right?" He ruffled my hair, and flashed me a grin that made me smile too. I guess it did sound kinda stupid. "Alright. So, my Gavin is just a 'little bit' gay. Ok. Great. We'll see if we can work on getting you just a 'little bit' laid, then. Cool?" I snickered a bit to myself and gently shoved him as I nodded with a blush. I couldn't believe that I had just made the biggest confession of my life to a boy that I hardly even knew. But you know what the craziest part is? The second that awkward sentence left my mouth...my entire spirit felt a hundred times lighter. Almost weightless. "So..." Gideon said as I put on my shoes, "...You want the boy in the picture?"
My heart sped up at the mention of it, but I tried to calm it down a bit. "I'm not gonna let you con me into thinking that it's gonna be that easy." I smiled, my bashful eyes looking down at my feet.
"You let me worry about how easy or how hard it'll be to get your hands on him. All you've got to do right now is concentrate on telling me what you want. Making it happen just so happens to be my specialty." He gave me a pat on the back and backed away from me to let me finish getting dressed. I was putting on a belt when he clicked on my computer without asking. "Password?" He asked.
"It's private." I told him. Then, I suddenly felt a slight dizziness come over me, and my eyes rolled back for a moment while I leaned on the closet door to keep from falling over.
"Euphoria...got it." He said, typing in my password while I fought to get my balance back. He got into my computer files and looked back at me. "Sorry. I shouldn't do that. It's cheating. I suppose I'll pay for it later in the balance." Who IS this boy???
My homepage came up, and I blushed a little. "That's just..."
"...A Gilligan's Island screen saver, yes, I can see that." He said, typing away to search through my things.
"I know it seems...kinda geeky." I told him. "It's just a joke, that's all. I'm not really a big..."
"I didn't ask for you to justify your taste in tv sitcoms, Gavin. Just having a peek at your computer, that's all. Finish getting dressed." He said without looking up. I relaxed a little and went to my dresser to put some deoderant on. "You've gone through a lot of trouble to hide your gay activities on this computer, haven't you?"
"No." He said immediately after I asked. I suppose I should've expected that answer. "So what do you like?"
"What do you mean?"
"Well, aside from the boy in the picture. What is it that you're looking for. Someone blond, someone brunette, redhead, tall and thin, short and stocky, supermodel teen heart throb or the quirky boy next door? Do you like them aggressive, submissive...maybe a little bit 'kinky'? What's your type?"
I thought about it for a minute or two and told him, "I don't know. It's not exactly a certain type, really. It's more like...a feeling, you know? That feeling like...like you could just love him and enjoy his existence from any distance, even if he doesn't even notice you're there." I said, sitting down on my bed as my knees weakened with visions of Josh dancing through my thoughts. "Only certain people are able to give me that feeling."
"And this boy...he's one of them, correct?"
"Yeah." I sighed dreamily. "Joshua Roth. From the moment I saw him I knew he was something special, you know? It was like...love at first sight." Gideon spun around in the computer chair and smiled warmly at me. "I guess that's pretty ridiculous, huh?"
"No. Not at all. Perhaps you just see something in his aura that attracts you. Its perfectly logical." He stood up to come over and sit next to me on the bed. "Afterall, they say that there's more magic in the power of love than anywhere else in the universe. Love is the kind of influence that makes all things possible."
"Yeah, well don't go breaking out the candy and flowers yet." I said, my mood sinking slightly. "Joshua Roth is beautiful. Beyond beautiful."
"And you're not?" Gideon asked.
"Look at me, dude. I'm hardly in the same category as he is."
"I agree. But that's only because you think of yourself the way you do." He told me. "Suppose Joshua Roth didn't think he was beautiful either? Suppose he didn't like his nose? Or his teeth? Suppose he wished he was taller, or his hair was a different color, what then?"
"He'd still be gorgeous." I sighed.
"How would he know unless the right person came along and told him so?" Gideon asked. "What if you were that person?"
"Whatever. Let's just go..." I said, getting up, but he grabbed my arm and pulled me back down.
"No...not whatever. Talk to me. Don't run from your demons, they can run a lot faster than you can." I turned away from him, feeling that ice cold shadow cover my world in black all over again. Choking on its thick toxic atmosphere. "Henry Ford once said, 'believe you can, believe you can't, you're always right.' And it's true. The more you doubt your own value, your beauty, your confidence...the less chance you have of someone seeing all of the wonderful things there are to see in you. You subconsciously bury it under a mask of inadequacy. Don't. Your thoughts and desires...your will power alone...is what makes things happen. That's where the true magic lies. Right there beyond the doubt ad the fear, waiting to get out and make you the person you want to be."
It was strange. But through all of his sassy comments and borderline rude antics...Gideon was being surprisingly warm and friendly this morning. I still wasn't sure if I should keep my guard up or not though. People this blatantly open aren't usually this cheerful about it. "You really believe in all this magic stuff, huh?" I asked him.
"Absolutely." He told me. "And you will too, in time. Like most people, you need 'proof' to believe. You need some kind of concrete definition so your mind can handle the new information as more than just some long forgotten fairy tale. But it takes time. And it takes practice. More importantly, it takes faith."
I thought about it a second, and asked him, "Do you think I'm ready?"
"If you have to ask me that question...then the answer is no." He said. I looked down at my shoes, not knowing how to take that. But he added, "I can't validate your level of ability for you, you'll have to do that on your own. But you can't help but find it. It's all around you, Gavin. All the time. You don't have to chase it, it's right here. You don't choose magic, the magic chooses you. All you have to do is be open to it."
"How do I do that, exactly?"
"That's what we're here to learn, now isn't it?" He grinned. "You have to find your own method of belief, and let it grow with your experience. Your limitations depend on you." I was sorta understanding what he said, but some confusion still remained. "Imagine that the world you live in, the choices you make, the magic and power of your spirit, were all websites on the internet. Think about how many thousands of websites you've been to in your lifetime, based on your own needs and desires, curiosities and interests. Life is the same way. You build your perception based on what you've experienced so far. You follow me?"
"I think so..."
"Ok...so now, try to imagine how many millions of websites there are out there that you HAVEN'T been to before. Imagine how much information you're missing out on. Imagine how many soul mates, friendships, deals, offers, and winning lotto tickets, there are out there just waiting to be discovered. Imagine that there's a website out there with EXACTLY the information that you need to truly be happy...if only you could find the right combination of letters, numbers, dots, and slashes, to get you there. Magic is about spreading what you already know about yourself, and exploring what you don't know about yourself, in order to find the answers you're looking for. Once you learn how to look in the right places, it'll get a lot easier. Believe me."
"So you're basically telling me to look for something that, as far as I know, doesn't even exist." I said with a sarcastic smirk.
"Yep. That's exactly what I'm doing."
"But that doesn't prove anything."
"Your faith in its existence IS the proof. And that proof will, in turn, increase your faith. It's as simple as that." He laid back on the bed, smiling at the fact that he stumped me, yet again. "There's more to life than what you see on a day to day basis, Gavin. Look deeper. There's a deeper meaning in everything."
"Riiiiight..." I said, and shoved my homework in my backpack, standing up so I could go to school. "Wax on, wax off, and all that jazz. Are you walking with me, or what? I don't wanna be late."
"Don't forget to turn off your computer." He said. I walked over to turn it off and he stood next to me with a smirk. "You're a big fan of Gilligan's Island, right?"
"Don't tease me, ok? It was a VERY popular show! I'll have you know that there are entire fan clubs dedicated to..."
"Stop, stop...you're defending yourself against something I didn't even suggest. Simple question, simple answer. Don't over think everything. You're a fan, right?"
"Yes. I'm a fan, so what?"
"Can you tell me what the show was really about?"
"What do you mean? It's pretty straightforward."
"Is it?" He smiled.
"Yeah. People went out on a boat, three hour tour, a storm landed them on an uncharted island, and they're stuck there. Every episode they try to get home, but they can't."
"Why?" He asked me.
"Why?" I was puzzled. "Because it wouldn't be much of a show if they actually got home, now would it?"
Gideon smiled at me without an answer, and then headed towards the door. "Shall we go?"
"Go? Was that it? What about Gilligan's Island?"
"I'll meet you outside." He left the room, and used that same cocky stride to walk right out of the front door. Why do I always feel like I'm missing something when it comes to him?
I made sure I had all of my books and stuff with me, and then zipped up my bag to meet Gideon outside. I kept thinking in circles about what he meant about Gilligan's Island, and I came to the conclusion that he was just pulling my leg. What's so deep about people on an island anyway? I just like the show. He just likes making fun of me, I think. When I saw him, he was leaning against a tree with his thumbs in his pockets, waiting for me. You know...looking at him, he really was beautiful. Exceptionally beautiful. What does he know about being 'less than attractive'? Anybody would all to their knees and thank God that someone like him would even look twice in their direction. How can I expect him to know what it's like for me...living alone like this, with only my wet dreams and my stupid drawings to keep me company? It's not like I was infatuated with him or anything, but...something about him made me envy him and admire him at the same time. Even when I hated his guts for being so much better than me...I knew that Gideon was the boy that I always wished I could be.
"You ready?" He asked.
"Yeah." We started walking, and he didn't say much at first. It was like he was always waiting for me to speak first, just to hear what was on my mind. "Aren't we supposed to be...um...'doing' something right now?"
"What would you like to do?"
"I dunno...talk? Maybe learn some magic or something?" Hello? He WAS supposed to be helping me learn stuff afterall.
"Hehehe, you're not ready for that just yet. It would be like giving a loaded handgun to a monkey." He giggled.
"You haven't opened your eyes yet, Gavin. If you can't see, then you can't believe. And magic doesn't work if you don't believe."
Arrgh! "Well, how the hell am I supposed to believe, then?"
"It certainly isn't by getting upset with me, cutie pie." He snapped back. I rolled my eyes and looked away from him. "You're still living on the surface. Absorb what's going on around you. Take it in. Enjoy it, sense it, examine it. The warmth of this beautiful sunshine, the feel of the wind blowing gently across your arm, the sounds of birds in the distance. What is the deeper meaning of it all, and how can you better come to appreciate it on an entirely different level? With new eyes, and a new perspective? Imagine how long these things have gone on without you paying any attention to them. Learn to walk the path between the lines, Gavin."
"How am I supposed to appreciate birds and sunshine on another level? I see this shit everyday."
"It doesn't make it any less important. Tap into it. Open your eyes."
"Are we gonna do this all day? Because I'm really not in the mood for a bunch of psycho 'hippie-talk' today, alright?" I grunted at him, and he stopped me from walking to look him in the eye.
"Gilligan's Island is one of your favorite shows. What is it about?"
"Here we go with THIS again. I TOLD you what it was about..."
"That was what was on the surface, Gavin. What is the deeper meaning?"
"I don't know. Ok? I don't know. You happy now?" I said with a frustrated huff.
"Do you want to know?"
"This should be good." I sneered. Gideon looked at me with an eyebrow raised, waiting for me to ask. "SIGHHH....fine! Can you please tell me the deeper meaning behind Gilligan's Island?"
His smile widened again. "Gilligan's Island is based on the seven deadly sins."
"Ha! Ok...you've completely lost it, dude! Thanks for the giggles though." I moved around him to keep walking to school before I ended up being late.
But he called out from behind me. "There were seven passengers aboard the ship. Seven. Each one representing a different deadly sin." I slowed down a bit, and turned around to look at him standing behind me. "The overweight Skipper was gluttony, the lazy Gilligan represented sloth, the overconfident Professor was pride, Ginger the sexy movie star was lust, the fiesty Mary Ann was envy, the luxurious and pampered Mrs. Howe was greed, and the angry Mr. Howe was wrath. God created the storm to trap them on the island, and asks that they only leave their sins behind in order to get home. But they never do. Every episode, Gilligan falls asleep and lets the fire go out, or Mrs. Howe sinks the raft with excess luggage...Ginger falls in love with a native, whatever. Their own sins hold them hostage, and until they battle their demons, they can never return to the world. So is the tale of Gilligan's Island." He said. I stood there and watched him for a second, my brow wrinkled up.
Then, after a moment of silence, I giggled. "Hehehe, you know, I have to admit, that's a pretty deep philosophy for this early in the morning before school. Completely crazy and fucked up....but deep. If nothing else I can definitely say that you're entertaining, Gideon."
"Wait until you hear me break down the highly politcal representations in Alice In Wonderland. You'll flip." He walked closer to me, and touched his finger to my right temple. "What you enjoy on the surface is not all there is, Gavin. What you see as mundane and repetitive has value. It has life. It has meaning. More importantly, it has magic. Teaching yourself to recognize and appreciate the little things is the first step to finding your focus. The better you know yourself and the power around you, the stronger you'll become."
"I just...I don't know if I can..."
"Unfortunately, doubt comes easy. Belief is harder to achieve. But I'm going to show you how, Gavin...if you trust me. I'm going to open up a whole new world to you. And when you're ready, there won't be any question as to whether or not you can be happy." He said softly. "Or 'gay'...however you want to phrase it." He giggled, and I slugged him in the shoulder.
"Hehehe, fuck you!"
"Sorry. I'm straight. But keep it hard, babycakes. We're gonna find you somebody sexy to take care of that." He said, and with a demonic smile, he threw an arm over my shoulder and we began our journey towards the high school again. And hopefully...towards a new beginning.