Was I dreaming?
It didn't feel like any dream I'VE ever had. It was much too real. Much too exhilirating. Even without the advantage of control, I had never felt so free. The fabricated images passed magically behind my closed eyes as I slept. Flawlessly creating a 3-dimensional experience that excited all of my senses simultaneously. I couldn't believe what was happening to me, but I didn't want it to stop.
I felt myself standing in an endless field of tall green grass. Shirtless. Barefoot. The coolness of the crisp night air flirting with the surface of my skin, almost cold enough to give me a shiver, but not quite. A blazing white full moon filling up what looked like the entire sky above me. With just enough darkness to let the light from a few stars shine through. I could almost taste the wind on the tip of my tongue, feeling its breath against my cheeks. I felt so strong at that moment, it was as though I could jump out of Earth's gravity if I wanted to. I was almost weightless. And yet, my limbs were full of this infinite energy. Bursting with such an anxiety that it itched just to stand still. I had to move. Walk around, jump, run, climb....SOMETHING. But standing still was no longer an option.
In the dream, I began to walk forward, step after step. My legs felt powerful, confident, stronger than they had ever been before. I could feel my bare feet digging into the soft earth below, feeling every grain of dirt, helping to propell me further. But the terrain didn't change. It stretched out even further into the dark horizon in front of me. I took another deep inhalation of the night air, and it filled my lungs to capacity, almost causing a stirring sense of euphoria inside of me. My head was spinning, and I began to walk faster. The gentle sensation of the tall grass tickling me around the waist brought a joyful grin to my face. It was a different grin than any I had ever had before. I couldn't see my own face, but the smile seemed to spread, quite literally, from ear to ear. My lips reaching back as far as my cheekbones. I didn't understand it, but dreams rarely give you the time to ponder their meaning once they have gotten a hold on you.
Still twitching with anxiety, I quickened my pace. With the slightest pressure applied to the ground, I was physically pushed to take larger and larger steps. My pulse began to race as I trotted along in the endless field, enveloped by a world of green grass and its surrounding darkness. I noticed my steps were now more like leaps, my body bounding easily for great distances, the wind rushing up to meet me as I cut through it with a fever. FASTER I ran. And faster still. There was no end to the speeds I could reach. Soon, I was running too fast for my feet to keep up...and I felt myself almost fall forward. But as I felt gravity pull me face first towards the ground, my body adjusted to the speed. Without missing a step, I gained a new sense of balance, leaning to let my hands assist me as I ran on all fours. I was grabbing small handfulls of dirt and grass everytime they touched the earth's surface, and tossing it out to the sides before going back down for another grab. Although it was awkward at first...I suddenly felt a few gentle 'pops' coming from inside me. As though my body was becoming longer, my arms stronger, my shoulders wider. It contorted itself in such a way that running this fast became easy, and my speed almost doubled instantly. Now at a lower angle, the grass was whipping past me, brushing across my face in a constant siege that excited me all the more. It felt good....soooooo good!
I found myself jumping six or seven feet forward without a problem, turning almost on a dime when I needed to. I could hear and feel myself huffing and panting with every glided step. Deep, full respirations that would make a normal person dizzy. But I was hardly out of breath. In fact, every breath I took only energized me more. Almost like the oxygen itself was working as an uplifting narcotic, carrying me to new heights everytime it entered me. My limbs exploded with an orgasmic rush of energy as I pushed myself harder with no known limit. I felt as though I could outrun the moonlight itself. Until finally...when my teenage frame felt like it had reached its limit of handling the ultimate high, I was overcome with a sense of bliss that could not be contained for a moment longer. And I tilted my head to the sky, defying the moon itself with my arrogant stare, and felt an earth shaking scream leave my body! It leapt out from my very core, uncontrollably...echoing for miles and miles in every direction...until eventually....
...It turned into a howl.
"Wesley." My father's hand touching me at that moment had shocked me out of my fantasy so fast that the inevitable crash nearly stopped my heart! I jerked out of my slumber and jumped so high that I nearly slipped out of my sheets and onto the floor. It was then that I saw my father standing over my bed in the dark, almost as startled as I was at my reaction.
"WHAT???" I whispered loudly, trying to catch my breath and rub the remaining traces of my night visions from my eyes.
"Shhh!" He said, trying to keep me from making any commotion. "Don't wake your brother. Come on. It's time to get up." He said, and then left the room for me to get dressed.
Sitting up on the edge of my bed, I noticed the pounding of my heartbeat as it throbed and spasmed inside of my chest. It almost ACHED from beating so hard. I was out of breath, covered in a thin sheen of sweat. And my six inches were harder than they had ever been! Looking down, it almost looked like it had GROWN an extra inch just to express its sudden desperate need for me to indulge. So stiff, in fact, that I was nearly afraid to touch it for fear that it would snap off like a dry twig. My body was still lost in a dream that my waking consciousness was trying to eagerly wipe away. I could practically still feel the momentum of my body as it soared through that dark field on invisible wings of freedom. I remembered every detail. The air, the grass, the moon, the sounds, the sights, the smell. It was still vivid in my mind's eye...I could almost reach out and touch it. Just then, my rigid member throbbed again, a wetness forming at the top of my boxers as its instant affection reached out for me to please it. It angrily demanded my attention, swelling and tightening until it had almost driven me mad with the sensation. Jesus, what the hell was the MATTER with me? I wondered if I should chance 'taking care of it' there and then, or if I should try to will it to go down until I had some more time and privacy.
However, the thought only made it harder, and it tightened with a pulse that caused a knot to form in the pit of my stomach and my balls to ache for release. There was nothing mental or 'arousing' about it. It was a purely lust driven physical reaction that refused to be ignored. So I looked over my shoulder at Nick under his covers, sleeping peacefully, the way only a boy with no worries COULD sleep. And I leaned back slowly in my bed, covering myself with the sheets. My God...I was so erect that it was causing my legs to tremble. I reached down with my hand to rummage around through the clothes puddled beside my bed, and found a sock. I carefully let it submerge itself under the warmth of my morning sheets, and I let my hands wander down to remedy my current problem.
I heard a stirring and froze. Quickly turning my head I saw Nick softly rustling in his sleep. He turned over gently and pulled the covers up to his neck. At least now he was facing the other way. Good. I waited for his breathing to become shallow and steady again before I continued. My shaft was so sensitive that a cold shiver shot through me with the first touch. I nearly gasped outloud, but held my breath to keep from making a sound. Then I grabbed a better hold of myself, feeling the heat radiating from its fleshy surface as it throbbed with a brat-like satisfaction. And I waited a moment before giving it a few slow strokes. My entire body came alive with tingling unfulfilled passions that crept their way to every pleasure center of my body. At first, I was keeping a close eye on Nick to make sure that he didn't suddenly wake up and catch me in the act. But it felt so good, so erotically delightful, that I couldn't help but close my eyes and let myself be swept away in the moment.
I became breathless as I slid the open end of the sock over the tip of my hardness, and let it snugly slide down to the base. I thought I was going to explode. There wasn't much time. Nick was in the room, and my dad would be looking for me in a few minutes. So taking some extra moments to enjoy the ritual was out of the question. I gripped myself a bit tighter, just the right amount of pressure, learned through much routine practice. And I squeezed generously as I massaged my way back to the top. My body shifted involuntarily, the shivers caressing my 14 year old body like never before. And I slid back down to the base again. The rhythm started out slowly, even methodically. But it soon gained in speed as my imagination began to take over. Wandering to thoughts of Kyla in the cave last night....mere hours ago...letting her warm flesh mingle with that of the twins I had met earlier. Both of them, sexy. Perhaps in the most demonic way imaginable. But 'sexy' nonetheless. As I felt my length jump in memory of them, I thought back to the smoothness of their pale white skin, the softness of their crimson colored hair, and the intensity of their dark green eyes. The kisses they garnished her firm body with, I imagined landing on the nape of my neck, and the insides of my thighs. Those lustful kisses, that gentle suction with each touch of their lips to my skin. Their hands roaming over my body without holding back. No restrictions, no denied access. Not to any part of me. Mmmm, the taste of them. The succulent flavor of each one as I took turns pleasuring them both. I could already feel a healthy dose of liquid oozing out into the fabric of the sock as I stroked harder. The thrill of it can't be put into words.
Both twins...Shank and Razor...touching me. Kissing me. Rubbing me. Sucking me. My stomach heaved in the desire for their sex. And when both of them had filled me, when both were connected to me as much as they sexually could be...whatever was leftover, they could share with each other. I don't know why the thought of them kissing was driving me so wild, but it did. It brought forth an emotion in me that I had never experienced before seeing it with my own two eyes. As I increased the speed of my strokes, I noticed the friction making a bit of noise, and opened one eye to make sure that Nick was still asleep. Thankfully, he was. I was too far into the fantasy to stop now. I'd finish stroking myself off in front of the Pope HIMSELF if I had to!
My mind circled back to the boy at the gas station. The soft supple meat of him, tantalizing me with his every movement. If only I had the courage. If only I had walked up to him and kissed him on those sweet lips of his when I had the chance. My hardness throbbed even more out of frustration, as though it could actually reach him if it just stretched far enough. I felt myself quake softly as my thoughts of kissing and holding him turned to more deviant actions. It was almost as though my mind had no time for the romantic part of my spirit to interfere. This was raw, uncensored, savage...whatever needs I possessed that needed to be filled, they were not going to slow down long enough for gentle touches and shared sunsets. It was then that the images in my mind transformed. Instead of a sweet kiss on the lips, I found myself sticking my tongue down his throat. I found my hands greedily groping his tight ass, hard enough to raise one of his legs and have it rest on my hip. I grinded, I gyrated, I molested him from every angle. It wasn't like me, even in my fantasies, to let myself go this much. But I couldn't help it this time. My needs were guiding me much faster than my sensibilites could follow. It was just like being back in that endless field again...rushing through it without any desire to stop. Abducted by my own thoughts and made to watch without any hope of controlling them. I lewdly licked that boy from one corner of his soft teen body to the other. Hungrily enveloping his flesh with the alluring warmth of my craving mouth. My tongue's texture making him wiggle and squirm with every long wet lick. And with just a few more tightened strokes of my fist, by the time I had mentally deep throated the blond boy's hardness and felt him squeeze his legs to trap my head between them.....I ERUPTED!
My eyes shot open, my entire BODY suddenly overcome with a series of orgasmic tantrums that threatened to shake me to pieces if I even ATTEMPTED to hold them back! I could hardly breathe, and felt my body stiffen up as my seed rushed express to the surface. Gush after warm gush of fluid shot out of me, each blast soaking the sock clear through and leaving its sticky residue on my fingers. It was like my body was collapsing onto itself as the spasms wreaked havoc inside of my adolescent passions. I heard myself gasp outloud and had to bite my lip to keep from moaning. I took a quick peek to make sure that Nick was still fast asleep, but the climax had already taken control of me. I couldn't stop stroking, not now. Not even if I wanted to. My hand kept going all on its own. The spastic bouncing of my hips on the bed caused the springs in the thin mattress to squeek as I did my best to calm myself down. Nick must have heard the commotion, because he shifted again in his bed, this time facing me. I couldn't STOP! I couldn't! I just watched Nick carefully to make sure his eyes didn't open, and held on for dear life as I rode the rest of this explosive orgasm through to completion.
I didn't think I'd ever stop wiggling. But finally, after one of the biggest 'grand finales' of my life, the tremors in my body began to fade. My body began to relax. My breathing began to let go without whimpering and squealing in ecstacy. It was a full body attack on my senses, and I wasn't sure if I was going to be able to MOVE again once it was finished with me.
Wow....oh wow. I can't ever remember being so aroused as to cause a climax THAT big! That was intense. REALLY intense. I felt my body lose more of its stiffness, and I started to regain some control over my limbs again. Good. I tried to catch my breath, and as I felt myself go limp, I slipped the sock off over the sensitive head, a slight gasp escaping my lips. I shuddered again as I gently cleaned up what little mess I had made, and then just laid back for a minute while my body tried to come back to reality. I had almost fallen back asleep, but heard my father's footsteps walking past my bedroom door. He had his shoes on already, the soles clip-clopping on the wooden floor as it gently creaked to support his weight. If he had his shoes on, then that meant it wouldn't be long before he was ready to go and he'd come knocking soon. Despite that being the best sex of my virgin life, I knew that there was no time for afterglow.
I swung my feet around, and put them down on the floor. My whole body was still tingling. Partly from the orgasm. Partly from the dream. Neither one wanting to fully let go of my waking state. I was still half hard. Relaxed, but not fully. I could probably go 'again' if I wanted to. But I got up and started to get dressed anyway. Another day at camp was beginning.
My Dad was quick to put me in the arts and crafts circle that day with Mr. Rigby and a bunch of 5th graders. I don't know where he got the notion, but supposedly I'm good with clay. Yeah....I don't get it either. The morning began to drag the second I put the fork down after breakfast. The kids and I were making clay figurines, using wire to act as a frame of sorts to hold it all together. While I normally despise this kind of stuff, I was thankful to be able to focus on some kind of activity that didn't require me to 'talk' to anybody. As usual, Mr. Rigby had that kind of babyish enthusiasm around kids that teetered on the edge of being creepy. Even though I was considerably older than the 9 and 10 year olds at the table, it felt like he talked down to me just as much as he did to them. Whatever. I suppose it wasn't hard to put up with it for the next four or five hours. But I have to admit, the man acted as though he hadn't had sex a day in his life, and wasn't looking forward to any. That, combined with his Captain Kangaroo kiddie corner personality, made me keep him at arm's length most of the time. Just smiling and nodding and trying not to let on that I thought he was a borderline psychotic at heart.
"Like this, Wesley?" One of the little girls at the table asked. I think she was trying to make a horse...but she was far from being talented in the clay figurine department.
"Yeah...that's great, Stacy." What? She's TEN! What am I gonna do? Tell her it sucks and to quit while she's ahead? "Keep at it. It'll...uh...get better."
"That doesn't look like a horse." Said a boy on the other side of the table. Shatter the girl's dreams, why don't ya?
"Hey now. It looks just fine." I said. "Just because her horse looks different from your horse doesn't mean it's any better or worse."
"That's my Dad." The boy said, looking at his clay 'thing'.
"Oh...." Shit. Well it looked like a horse to ME. "...well....it's very nice..." I said, and went back to my own project before I made things any worse. Ok, I'm officially making this the end of my career as a summer camp clay critic.
"WOW! Wesley, that's greeeeaaaat!" Mr. Rigby said, leaning over my shoulder before addressing the rest of the kids. "Look at what Wesley is making. It's verrrry special. Remember to ask Wesley for help if you guys need it, okay?"
I was almost angry at him for drawing more attention to me than neccessary. I wasn't really looking to develop any kind of joyful purpose from all this. I just wanted to kill time until lunch. Luckily for me the kids were too involved in their own stuff to really ask me for much of anything. I took some more of the stiff wire off of the roll and clipped it off with the scissors. Then I started to slip it in through the clay to give it some stability. I began molding and posing the arms of my statue, hoping that it would resemble an axe weilding serial killer when it was done. Hey, they never said it had to be 'holy'. They just said to be creative. But as I was briefly looking up from my 'masterpiece', I noticed something off in the distance. Looking closer, it was a small pack of kids. Slightly older than most of the ones at camp...around my age...and all dressed predominantly in black. It caught my attention since they were all walking together, and I concentrated on trying to get a better look at them. It wasn't until I took notice of the twins in the back, always stepping in unison, that I recognized them as the kids from Rainbow's End last night.
They were a good distance away from us, all the way on the other side of the field. But there was something about the way they 'moved' that was unique to only that small group of people. They walked like a champion soccer team after winning the state finals or something. A strong, confident, almost cocky stride. It was as if their every movement was governed by their individual personalities, and yet, it was all 'connected' somehow. All separate gears in the same well oiled machine. And in the front...Cyrus. Almost existing apart from the rest of them, walking forward without any doubt at all that the rest would follow him. Step for step. The young one was right behind him, practically nipping at his heels like a puppy. Sometimes a few steps ahead, sometimes circling on both sides, sometimes a few steps behind. The kid was possibly the most active of the group while walking with them. Then came Sebastian, walking casually at Cyrus' right side, his flawless beauty compromised only by his emotionless expression. I saw another boy slightly behind Cyrus that I had never seen before. This one was walking with an interesting sway. He was sort of shaggy and shabbily dressed, but no one seemed to care. He was just as in tune with the group as everyone else. The girl, Kristin, followed next. She was observing everything around them, almost like she was examining the surrounding area for a reason. Looking for anything out of the ordinary. John Boy was maybe a step or two behind her, head forward, obviously not affected by a need to 'look' at anything around them. Yet, even blind, John Boy had no trouble at all walking in sync the rest of the group on his own. He never missed a step, never stumbled once. Amazing. And of course, Shank and Razor pulled up the rear. Like twin body guards, spread out just far enough to keep a close eye on the entire 'gang' at once. The only way to distinguish one twin from the other was Razor's pyromaniacal habit of constantly lighting matches. All in all, each person was creating a different vibe with the way they were walking. And yet, every last one of them seemed to dutifully orbit around one solid entity without fail.
I must not have been paying attention to what I was doing, because I ended up pushing the end of the wire clear through to the other side of the clay. I was so wrapped up in watching the Rainbow's End kids walking on the other side of the field, that I nearly pushed it right through my own thumb. I felt the prick of it pull me out of my concentrated gaze, and the pain was quick to follow. "AH! God DAMMIT!" I said in anger. "Shit!" It wasn't really that loud, but looking up from my now bleeding thumb, I noticed the kids staring at me as though I had just sprouted a second head from my shoulder. Most kids I know would giggle at the idea of my profanity, but not here. I think they were more horrified than anything else. "Sorry..." I mumbled, hoping that the brainwashed Bible children at the table didn't suddenly run back and tell any of the head priests or their appointed 'soldiers' that I was possessed by the devil. They went back to work, silently, but it was weird how I suddenly felt like a total outcast for doing it. Geez, they need to lighten up. It's not like I dropped the "F-Bomb" on them.
I stood up from the table, wiping my fingers off with a wet cloth. Then stuck the tip of my thumb in my mouth to suck away the blood now emerging from the pin prick hole that I had just maimed myself with. Great going, Wes. Next time, why I don't try cutting off my pinky with a hatchet?
I felt a pair of fingers pinching my butt from behind me and my eyes widened. I jumped slightly from the sensation, and turned my head to see Kyla standing there grinning at me. "Hey there, camp boy." She grinned.
"Soooo, the 'midnight runner' decides to show herself." I was glad to see her, but had to admit that I was picturing her in a whole new light after last night.
"Hey, I can't help it that you left early." She looked down at my clay figure and noticed the ax I was making off to the side of it. "Very 'professional', Wes."
"Quiet. I'm doing my best here."
"Well, come talk to me for a second. It'll be here when you get back." She kinda grabbed a hold of my wrist to pull me back from the table a bit before I even had the chance to answer. Once we were about fifteen feet away from the others, she said, "I heard you curse at the table. Tsk tsk...you should be ashamed."
"I didn't think they'd take it so hard."
"What's really gonna get ya is that they were probably more offended by 'God-Dammit' than they were by the 'S' word. Strange breed, aren't they?"
"You'll get no arguments out of me."
"Listen..." She said, adopting a serious tone in her voice. "...About last night...I mean, you're not weirded out or anything. Are you?"
"Who? Me? No." I said, not knowing myself if that was the truth or not. Afterall, it WAS a pretty big experience for me, and I wasn't sure that all of it had sunken in yet.
"You sure? Because I know a lot of kids that get freaked out the first time."
"No. Seriously. I liked it. I had a great time." I said, and it brought a wide smile to her face.
"Cool! Because we're going back up there tonight. Same time."
"Whoah...hold on there. How am I going to find myself another alibi to keep my parents from finding out what's going on?"
"Alibi? Are you still dealing with that cloak and dagger bullshit? Forget about it. Why don't you just tell them you're going out and you'll be home later?"
"Sorry, but my mom and dad are a bit harder to convince than that, I'm afraid." I replied.
"Sighhh....alright, look. If I can find you another alibi, will you come?" She asked.
"I don't know why you need me to be there so badly..."
"BECAUSE...I like your style. Besides, the thought of you being trapped at home is unbearable."
"Afraid to walk in the woods by yourself, huh?"
"Well...yeah, that too." She answered with a smile. "BUT...I DO like your company just as much. So....come on. Do it. Come out with me tonight."
"You just won't be satisfied until you get me in trouble, will you?"
"You won't get into trouble. Afterall, you're 'innocent', remember?" She then gave me a lopsided grin, and the very promise of 'entertainment' behind that sly smile drew me in even more.
"Are you going to get me a good excuse to be gone?" I asked.
"As good as any."
"I MEAN it, Kyla. I can't get caught doing this."
"Well, neither can I. So stop worrying about it. I'll think of something."
"Something GOOD!" I insisted, slowly giving in to her temptations.
"YES! Something 'good'. Promise. Geez." Just then, Mr. Rigby came over to the both of us, enthusiasm still burning hot from his morning coffee fix.
"How are you, Kyla. Have you come to participate in the workshop with us today? Look everybody, it's Kyla." The kids mumbled a hello in return.
"Actually...I'm on my way out. But you boys and girls have a blast. Ok?" She said, and I could have sworn that I was the only one who could hear the sarcasm in her voice.
"Ohhhh, that's too bad. We could use another helper." Mr. Rigby said, looking out to the table of kids as though he expected to get a cheer from them to convince her. The dead silent response was hilarious. It got a sweet smile from Kyla's lips, but just from the way he said 'hel-per' so cheerfully, I could tell she was almost ready to laugh.
"O-kaaaaay, I've got to run. See you later, Wes?"
"Considering..." I answered, reminding her of our deal. The last thing I needed was for my father to find out and get further punished while already on punishment. Still, as I watched her walk away, her personality the very definition of 'Jekyll and Hyde' when compared to the joint smoking sex hound that I saw last night, I knew that almost any alibi would be good enough for me to go. Just so long as I could somehow get back out to Rainbow's End. I couldn't put my finger on it, but there was an allure to that place that constantly pulled my every waking thought back to its splendor. It wasn't just the fact that it was better than spending the night at home with my parents...it was more than that. I had only been there one time in my whole life...and for some odd reason, it already felt like home.
The last few hours that I had spent at camp that day were pretty much a blur. With me anxiously awaiting the setting of the afternoon sun so I could go home and wipe another day in this place clean from my memory. I was looking forward to a shower and a hot meal once I got home, and decided to hike it instad of waiting around for my father to finish up what he was doing. At least it would be 25 minutes of peace to myself without any interrupted thoughts. I crossed paths with Freddy briefly on my way out, and he stopped what he was doing to talk to me.
"Leaving so soon, Wes?" He said softly.
"Yeah, I've kinda had it with the workload today. I guess I just need some time alone, you know?"
"Oh...sure." He said, almost sounding disappointed. I looked closer at him as he tried to focus his eyes elsewhere, hiding his emotion from me. "That's cool. Well, I will catch up with you tomorrow then." He said.
"What's the matter?" I asked, well aware of his evasion tactics.
"Nothing. I'm fine. Go, and tomorrow I'll see you at lunch in the mess hall. Cool?" He was lying. The shift in his mood was way too sudden for him to be 'ok'.
"Do you want me to stay a while longer?" I CERTAINLY didn't want to spend another minute in that place! But Freddy looked so...'down' all of the sudden. And despite me wanting to get home, I suppose I could sacrifice another hour or two if it made him happy.
The look he gave me was one of pure sweetness. As though he never expected me to offer. As though I was doing him some great justice by even saying it. I almost thought I had said something wrong. "Oh Wes..." He sighed, "No...no, dude. Go. Get some rest, ok?" He smiled for a second or two, but then let it disappear as though he were trying to conceal it from me.
"You sure?" And he nodded. "Ok. I'll see you tomorrow then, Freddy. Maybe even before lunch." He nodded again, this time blushing. And he hurried off to get out of my sight before I could pick up on any more of his 'not-so-well-hidden' signals. You know...it's not so bad, having him like me this way. My dad hates it, but Freddy's a sweetheart. No need to lock him out of my life just because of a few open rumors. For all I know, they could be fake. I just watched him walk away, and was ready to start on my own journey home for the night.
I waved goodbye to the kids at the table, took my ax murdering clay doll, and started walking up the long road to get back to the cabin.
My mind kept flashing back to images from the night before. Mostly...to the way Cyrus and his motley crew were staring at me from the bottom of that cliff last night. It was an uncanny thing to see, an entire group of strangers all focusing on you at once. But....it still excited me somehow. Despite them being somewhat blacklisted by the other kids in the area, despite their weird behavior, or the creepy aura surrounding the twins...they were different. Outside the everyday format. They were unlike anything I'd ever experienced before, and not knowing more about them was driving me crazy. They intrigued me. I was probably going to end up getting myself sucked into a very bad situation, but even the thrill of THAT was enchanting. I immediately took interest in them. And, more importantly....they were seemingly taking a similar interest in me.
While still walking up the road, I noticed a bike heading towards me from the other direction. I was pulled away from my thoughts as I recognized the boy riding it. The cute kid from the gas station. In the slightly fading light of the late afternoon, his beautiful glow radiated with growing intensity. The closer he got to me, the harder it was for me to breathe. I was nervous as hell, but expected him to simply keep riding past me. You can't IMAGINE how badly I froze up when I saw him doing the exact opposite. He began to slow down a bit, and smiled at me as he approached. "Hi..." He said softly, his sweet lips morphing into an adorable smile.
"Hey..." Was all I could say in return. I felt a bad case of the 'wiggles' take over my stomach, a gentle blush coloring my cheeks. I was silently hoping that I didn't look HALF as awkward as I was feeling at that very moment.
He rode past me a few feet, but circled around a bit to chat. "So...you're staying here for a few weeks, huh?" He asked.
God, he was cute. I almost started giggling just trying to answer him. "Well...yeah. I'm only here for a little while."
"Same here. My parents and I are staying with my aunt and uncle for the summer." He said. I sort of nodded, but wasn't sure how to continue a conversation with this boy when just looking him in the eye was making me weak inside. "My dad bought a house a few hours south of here, but it won't be completely finished until next month."
"...Uh-huh." STOP BLUSHING ALREADY!!! He probably thinks I'm an idiot! I'm being such a GIRL right now!
He circled me a few more times on his bike before leaning over to hop off. My breath caught in my throat as he swung a leg over to walk beside me for a bit. "So....Bible camp, huh?" He said.
Argh! "NO! Well...I mean...yes....'technically'." He playfully raised an eyebrow, and I tried to straighten myself out a bit. "I really...I mean...that's not really my thing. You know?" I said. "I mean, I'm not really a 'holy roller' or anything. I swear."
"Don't sweat it. It's ok if you are."
"But I'm not."
He grinned. "Well, that's ok too." I don't think he cared one way or the other. "I wasn't making any accusations, you know?"
"Um...yeah, I know. Just...I'm just saying..." And I trailed off, forcing my eyes down to the road before his eye contact made my heart beat any faster than it already was. "So....you work at the gas station?"
"Most of the week. My uncle owns the place and kinda volunteered me to be his helper this summer. It's extra money in my pocket, but unfortunately there's nothing here to spend it on." His shiny blond hair had the most amazing sparkling sand color to it, cascading down to his ears and moving slightly with his every step. His hazel eyes turning a slight shade of green with the brightness of his boyish smile.
I bashfully pushed a few hairs out of my eyes and smiled in his direction, still unable to really speak. "That sucks." Two words here, three words there...it was all I could muster up without the butterflies in my stomach getting out.
We walked another few steps when I saw him turning the bike around to be on his way again. "Well....I should get home. It was good talking to ya."
"Thanks. Uhh...you too." I saw him swing his leg back over the bike to leave, and I was just praying that I didn't make him feel 'unwanted' by being such a conversational misfit. I spoke...more out of panic than anything resembling 'social bravery', "Uh...hey...since you don't have anything to do...and....I don't have anything to do..." I stoped for a moment, almost lost as to how to finish the statement. WISHING that he would finish it for me so that some of the terror in my heart would subside a little. "Maybe I'll come by the gas station and see you sometime?" I was shaking when I said it, almost ready to faint. He looked back at me over his shoulder, and it felt like my lungs shrunk to one-tenth of their original size. "M-m-maybe help you kill some of that boredom?" Ok...not bad. Sounds 'friendly' enough. Not too geeky, not too forward.
In reality he only paused for a split second before answering. But in my infatuated confusion it seemed like a million years. I think my knees were a half second short of knocking themselves together. "Sure!" He said, cheerfully. "I work tomorrow and Thursday if you wanna drop by."
"Um...ok. Tomorrow then." I said, slightly relieved that he actually wanted me to come by. And yet, slightly terrified that I was actually committing myself to spend time with him. I never really had a problem masking the fact that I was gay before. But somehow I think being in his presence would make things much much harder to hide.
"Super. Well, I'll see you then." But before riding away, he came back for one more circle around me. "I'm sorry, but I never got your name."
"Cool. Casey." He introduced himself with a quick handshake, and then began peddling away from me down the road. I looked back, admiring the soft sexy appearance of his teen body, the way it moved was so sensual. Almost as if in slow motion. I could literally hear myself sigh outloud as my eyes drank in every line of him. The wind ran its fingertips through his hair as he rode downhill, blowing the golden locks backwards as he sped off to go 'be beautiful' elsewhere. I think it was the very first time that I had ever really...taken a step to get to know a boy that was so attractive to me. I've dreamed about boys before, sure. I think about them all the time. I enjoy exploring little mental fantasies about them while staring from afar. But I never really approached one before. Or even made the 'effort', for that matter. I wonder if this is a 'good' thing. I never...'flirted' before, or thought about expressing my feelings to someone, or...God forbid, go on a DATE. I was just getting used to being gay. Until the moment I asked Casey if I could come by the gas station a few minutes ago, I never once entertained the thought of me being with someone else. SEX, maybe! LOTS of sex! Hard, wet, and often! But...not something quite this...pleasantly unpredictable. It made me question whether or not I'd even be ready for it.
I walked up to the porch of the cabin, tired from walking on a slightly inclined hill for the last fifteen minutes. I need to remember to only walk TO camp and not FROM camp from now on. Going downhill would be much easier on the legs. I was tired, hungry, just ready to sit down and kick my feet up over the edge of the couch so I could relax. But the second I opened the door, I saw a little energetic furball race to the door and jump up on my leg! "What the...?"
"Don't do that! Come here, you!" Nick shouted. Loudly, but playfully. He came over to the door, and collected a young puppy that was wiggling his tail so damn fast that he was about to fall over.
"What the heck is THAT?"
"It's a dog."
"DUH! What's it doing here?"
"I don't know. I found it in the woods today." It was a little German Shepard, about 9 months old, give or take. And as Nick petted and tussled with it on the floor, you would have thought that neither one of them had ever played a day before in their life. "Mom says we can keep him until we find out who it belongs to."
"Wonderful. Just what this house needed. More 'childlike wonder'." I said sarcastically, and kicked my shoes off at the door.
We all sat down to dinner once my father got home, getting the same reaction from our new four legged 'houseguest' at the door. I thought for sure that he'd protest, but as always...the baby fresh charm of Nick's baby blond smile was all it took for him to give in. Nick must be getting better, he didn't even have to whine this time.
We ate a pretty quiet meal that night, and it was almost enjoyable. As far as family dinners go, anyway. I even got a smirk out of watching Nick slipping small chunks of food under the table to his new friend. "Nick...let's not do that." My mom said, but couldn't help but grin a bit to herself. I had to admit, the puppy was cute. I can't help it, I've got a weakness.
As soon as Nick and I were excused from the table, he pounced himself right back down to the floor to play some more. And I ended up taking his plate and mine to put it in the kitchen sink. Let the kid have his fun. Hell, I was almost tempted to jump down there myself. I went back to the dinner table to grab my mom and dad's plate when I saw her gently nudge him in the side out of the corner of my eye. "Ahem...um...Wesley?" My dad said in a gruff like tone.
"I need to talk to you." Grrr! Dammit all! He must have seen me talking with Freddy today. Shit! Here we go...another lecture on why it's 'wrong' to be gay. He never really came out and said it, but it was easy to see that 'God hates fags' was the moral of the story. What's WRONG with talking to a gay boy, for crying out loud??? Is he supposed to be invisible? He's a PERSON! Just like anybody else. I wonder if he'd even consider changing his mind if he knew I was gay too. I wonder if he could toss me out on the street without any remorse at all. I wish I could say I knew for sure that he couldn't be that heartless...but I didn't. And the fear of what might happened kept my mouth glued shut and my eyes down to my shoes. When I walked over to my dad at the table, I was prepared for another emotional attack.
"Um...yeah?" I said.
"You know, Wesley...the last few days...you've been getting up and working at the camp. And I know you wanted to stay home this summer instead of coming here, but it's for your own good." Surprisingly, I don't think he was talking about Freddy at all. He tapped his fingers on the table a few times before saying, "I'm just happy to see that you aren't wasting your time with all of that nonsense. Sometimes I just don't know what gets into your head..." He started to dig into me again, but I saw my mother nudge him even harder this time. I guess to stop him before he started coming down on me again. So he cut himself short. "Anyway...what I meant to say is...good job, son." I think I froze for a second, because it seemed to be such a 'foreign language' coming out of his mouth at that moment. "I'm proud of the work you've done the last few days." I was speechless. Almost...touched. But before I could even wrap myself up in the moment, he got up from his chair, grabbed both plates and walked into the kitchen. Without saying another word. Such sentiment coming from him was more confusing than comforting. But it helped to know that he tried. Even though a small wink from my mother confirmed her hand in all of this.
I raised my eyebrows in disbelief, and it caused my mother to giggle to herself. Then she stood up, and gave me a warm kiss on the cheek as she walked past. Ok, my dad's being nice, my mom's being nice, and Nick has a puppy in the house. I'm starting to think that I walked into the wrong cabin here.
About an hour and a half had passed when I heard a knock at the front door. I got up from the couch to open it, looking slightly bewildered when I saw Kyla standing outside with a telescope in a box. "Kyla?"
"Wes! Hi!" She said cheerfully, peeking around the door to see my parents in the living room. "Guess what?" She said, with mock excitement. "We...that is to say...me and some of the other kids from camp, are going to go out and look at the stars tonight. You wanna come?"
I gave her a weird look, and whispered, "THIS is your alibi?"
"I know it's lame, but gimme a break. It's short notice."
"Shut up." She mumbled. Then spoke up with her patented schoolgirl smile. "Hi, Father Parker. Hi, Mrs. Parker."
"Hello, Kyla. Please, come in." My dad said, walking over to the door.
"Oh, no thanks. Actually, I should get going pretty soon. We've got to 'set up' and everything, you know?"
"I see." Then he looked at the telescope she was holding, still in the box. "So you're using one of 'these', huh? You know, I haven't seen one of these since I was about your age, Wesley." He reached out for the box, and I saw a stressful look cross Kyla's face.
"No, Father...that's ok. I really have to.." But he already had a hold on it, and had taken it into his hands. She gasped a bit and tried to hold in her mild panic. It caused me to worry just as much as she was.
He looked at the box on all sides, a tiny smirk on his face as he looked at the pictures and read the small captions on all sides. Secretly reminicing about when he used to enjoy the same experience. Both Kyla and I waited nervously as he examined the box, and then let out a little sigh of relief as he handed it back to her. "Well, I don't see any big problems with that. You two have a good time."
"Th-thanks, Father Patrick!" She said, quickly taking the box back and holding it close. "I'll meet you outside, Wes." And she practically sprinted away from my porch while I went to grab a jacket.
"Don't be out too late, ok?" My mom sirened from the kitchen.
"I won't mom. Later." I walked outside and shut the door behind me. I hurried over to Kyla and asked, "What the hell was THAT about?"
"Well you didn't really believe that I owned a TELESCOPE, did you?"
My eyes widened. "You mean to tell me there's no telescope in there???"
"SHHHH!!!" She said, quieting me down and getting me to walk further away from the cabin. "I found the box in the trash outside of the enviromental science center. It was empty, so I filled it with a couple of thick branches that I found in the woods." I shook my head. "Well how was *I* supposed to know your dad was going to get all 'touchy feely' with it." I looked at her, she looked at me, and we both started giggling like crazy. "Ahhh! Whatever! Let's go get into some 'evil' tonight!" She shouted.
"After you, 'Camp Girl'."
"Sure thing, 'Camp Boy'." We practically went skipping down the road and back through the surrounding woods. Destination? Rainbow's End. And the first step towards my journey towards being truly free.
The party on the beach was considerably rowdier than it had been the night before. In fact, we could hear the pulse and the pound of the music for a full two minutes before we had even reached the edge of the cliff. Kyla was extra anxious to get there, and was running a full ten feet ahead of me by the time we had reached the place. I think the increased vibrations of a much more accelerated party made it all the more fun for her. There were howls of laughter and horseplay coming from Rainbow's End, and there wasn't a single 'intruder' in sight. The beach really was that secluded. Shut off from everywhere else in the area. So far removed that even the partying teenagers at full blast couldn't be found. Rainbow's End was definitely a land of the lost for teens all over. A true paradise once the sun set. Reaching the cliff's end, Kyla quickly made her usual detour to hurry down and join the festivities. But me? I sat down at the very top of the precipice, my feet dangling over the edge, looking down to absorb everything as a whole for a few minutes. I couldn't help but smile.
I could see the entire beach area from up there, and marveled at the fiesta below. The bonfire was burning bigger and brighter than ever, the music pumping louder, and almost twice as many teenagers as there were last time. Games, laughter, dancing, sex, drinking, smoking...you'd think such a blasphemous series of activities would look like a holiday in Hell. But it didn't. If anything, it just seemed like a normal break away from the 'normal' act of beng a robot for our parents. For our school. For our government. For our friends. It was a huge release just to 'watch' them.
"Quite a view, isn't it Wesley?" Came a voice from behind me, scaring the living SHIT out of me and almost causing me to shuffle myself off of the edge of the cliff! I hopped up to my feet and spun around to see John Boy crouched down on his haunches behind me. "Careful. That's quite a drop."
"Jesus! Where did YOU come from?" I said, my chest hurting from being startled so badly.
He just smiled, and rose to a standing position. "I'm pleased that you came back tonight. The others will be delighted."
Others? I guess I shouldn't have expected to see one member of the group without the other six or seven somewhere nearby. "I just...I came to hang out for a while." I said.
"Of course you did." He smiled, and there was a long silence between us. Uncomfortably long, where he seemed to blindly stare a hole right through me. His dark sunglasses reflected the flickering flames of the bonfire below, and it added a sense of 'wickedness' to his smile.
"Well......I'm gonna go." I said, backing up slowly from him.
"I'm not stopping you. Enjoy." He smirked, and I turned to walk down the steep side of the bluff. He watched me the whole way down, and it gave me a chill to see him easily keeping such close tabs on me without the ability to see. How the hell did a blind kid sneak up on me like that anyway? The music wasn't THAT loud where I couldn't hear an entire person walk up and squat down behind me. I have GOT to pay more attention to things.
Leaving the steep trail behind me, I finally stepped a foot on the sand of the beach. The enclosed caverns of the mountainous hill alive with the beat of the music. There was a group of about 10 or 15 boys moshing in the middle of the area, almost knocking each other over in a semi drunken rush. The drink table was full this time. Not just a keg and a cooler of bottled water. But multiple kegs, liquor bottles, limes, soda, juice...it was practically an entire bar. That meant that 'rich kids' were here. You could tell, from the way they dressed in namebrand fashions, to the selection of alcohol, right down to their well groomed haircuts. They were evdently catering intoxicants of every flavor that night. That would explain the extra energy. Kids dancing until the dust they had kicked up on the beach had settled into a thin fog that went from one corner of Rainbow's End to the other. The second that I stepped on that beach, I felt the adrenaline. And the undertow of the atmosphere began to sweep me in.
I felt my head beginning to nod involuntarily in time with the pounding rhythm of the music, and I looked around me to check out the surroundings. It was then that I started to notice them again. The 'others'. Out of all these people, double the number of last time, they still stuck way out from the norm. Making everyone ELSE look like the flaw in the equation with the power of their presence. My eyes caught a glimpse of Sebastian first, and lingered on him breathlessly as his good looks charmed me into almost instantaneous arousal. He walked very slowly through the rest of the crowd, never bumping shoulders with a single person even in all that commotion. And yet, never really acknowledging their existence. Even as his head turned slightly to look around him, he seemed look through 99% of the people there as though they didn't matter. He moved like a shadow, almost spoiled by the ease of his footsteps. And it was then, just briefly, that his eyes caught mine from across the way. I could 'feel' the connection. I could FEEL it. He allowed his gaze to fix itself on me for a moment, and I felt special. The one boy who caught his attention when he was visually dismissing so many others. Then the moment passed, and he continued to wade through the mass of people again. Watching him, his unbelievably soft locks of chestnut brown hair, haging down low enough to gently lick the sides of his neck...I was almost drawn into a swoon. It was amazing just to know that beauty like that exists in a place so close to you.
The rest of the squad, the ones that were visible anyway, were peppered throughout the crowd. Seemingly there more for observation than anything 'festive'. They scanned the herd from a close distance, as though measuring the value of each person as they walked past. The only one who seemed to be satisfied with just being there, instead of searching the masses like a sentry guard, was Cyrus. He was standing close to the bonfire, almost like a soldier posted in a strategical position, and staring into it as though he could talk to the flames themselves. I stood to watch him. Drawn in by my curiousity, warned off by my common sense. His silence was deafening. His demeanor, while standing perfectly still, spoke volumes about him in a language that I don't think I was ready to understand just yet. It was an odd vibe that he sent out in every direction, and I felt myself wanting to wrap myself in its inviting embrace. I wish I could explain it. I wish it would make sense. But my mind switched off when it came to him, and my instincts came to life.
"Drink!" The voice barked from the side of me, and I jumped. It was a boy my age, but looked like puberty was hitting him a little bit faster than it was hitting me. He had these somewhat bushy brown sideburns that came down from a greasy mass of short dark brown hair, and eyebrows that nearly connected in the middle. He was slightly shorter than me, but contained in a solid, almost stocky frame. Even his arms had hair on them, down to the knuckle.
"What?" I asked.
He leaned closer. "Drink! Where the fuck is the drink table?" His breath was already drowning in the taste of liquor. It was so strong that he'd probably burn to death if he dared to sweat anywhere near the bonfire. It was hard to believe he'd want another drink.
"It's...it's over there." I said, leaning back from the 'fumes' and pointing him to the table.
"Good man." And he stumbled away from me in a zig zag pattern as he headed to get even more blasted than he already was.
"That's Kriegar." AGAIN, John Boy had sidled up beside me with no warning.
"Are you TRYING to give me a heart attack tonight?" He merely smiled in response.
"He's a bit of a drunk, as you can see." I saw the hairball crudely examine one bottle after the next, cursing to himself under his breath.
"Gee, you think?"
"But believe me, Wesley...he's much more aware than you might think he is right now." Looking back, I saw him 'settle' on a bottle of Irish whiskey. He picked up a plastic cup, filled it about a third of the way to the top....and set it down in the center of the table. Then with a hiccup, he took the REST of the bottle, and walked away with it.
"Nice to know he left some for somebody else." I said, and watched as Kriegar took a healthy gulp out of it before merging himself into the crowd. I also took a notice of little Scout screwing up his face a little as he tried to drink with the rest of the teenagers. He obviously was new to the idea. Perhaps more concerned with being seen as 'adult' than drinking for his own enjoyment. "So you guys are here every night?"
John Boy smiled again, looking in my direction as though he could see the expression on my face clear as day. "Only when we find something here that 'interests' us."
"Well..." I asked as he faced forward silently. "...Is there anything here to 'interest' you tonight?"
He paused, his grin as demonic as any other I've ever seen from him. "Time will tell."
"Riiiiiight." Again, he was crossing right over that line between 'different' and 'disturbing'. I finally caught sight of Kyla again for the first time since we had been there, and she was indulging in cigarettes and beer while playfully swinging from Jack's arm. I couldn't really tell if her and Jack were friends, or if they were dating, or what. They seemed to be connected and disconnected at the same time. Probably a couple with some past history at best. My eyes roamed passed her and back to the bonfire, where Cyrus was stading vigilantly. "Say...what's up with your friend Cyrus? What's his deal?" I asked.
"Why don't you ask him yourself?" John Boy replied. "I'm sure he'd be pleased to discuss it with you."
"I thought about it, but...he doesn't really know me. You know?"
"He doesn't have to. If you know yourself, it'll be revealed to him with every word you speak."
I gave John Boy a strange look, "What's that supposed to mean...?"
"Shhhh..." John Boy put up a finger to quiet me, tilting his head as if he were listening for something specific. Then he squatted down to pick up a small clump of dirt, the size of a small rock. He balanced it using just a thumb and middle finger, and after a slight pause to 'aim', he flicked it forward. Pretty FAR, I might add! About 25 feet at least! And with unprecedented precision...it landed right into Scout's cup near the drink table! It splashed him a bit as he was raising the cup to his lips, and he frowned up immediately. I looked back at John Boy, my jaw dropped in utter amazement!
"SHIT!" Scout shouted, wiping his face off on his shirt. "What the fuck, JB???"
John Boy, always maintaining his calm demeanor, "Keep your balance, Scout. We're not carrying you home this evening."
"Well you didn't have to splash me!" He pouted, and threw his cup down, muttering, "Waste of a perfectly good drink..."
"How the HELL did you do that?" I asked, able to speak again now that some of the shock had worn off.
"Scout is the only one here 'sipping' his drink." He answered. "He's not hard to find."
"No...not that. I mean the rock in the glass thing. How did you do that? I can SEE and I can't do that."
"Then maybe you should try it when you can't see." I don't think he had any intention of answering my question with any further detail than that. "You should talk to Cyrus tonight. I'm sure he has a few questions for you."
It wasn't a suggestion so much. It was more like a subtle push in Cyrus' direction. Why was it so important to him for me to talk to Cyrus anyway? "I don't know. Maybe later..."
He softly whispered in my ear as he leaned closer. "He's waiting for you, you know?" John Boy reached a hand up, brushing a few strands of hair out of my eyes. I swear...he knew everything. There's no WAY he's blind. "He wants you to come to him, Wes. He can 'taste' your search...your need...and he can help you find what you are looking for. Let him do it, Wes. Let Cyrus 'free' you." There was no doubt that John Boy was serious, even with that tiny smirk on his face. And that made the situation even more eerily abnormal than it was a minute ago. I could almost feel this sightly psychotic vibe hiding behind those tinted specs of his...and what's worse...I was tempted enough to do it. Just to see how strange this little game of his could get. Sensing my hesitation, John Boy nodded, taking his hand from my shoulder and strongly urging me to continue forth. "Go."
I looked back out at the bonfire, and noticed that Cyrus hadn't budged an inch since the last time I looked at him. From that angle, it was as though the flames surrounded him in a hellfire display of total obedience. He'd hardly said three words to me, and yet I'm looking at him with a fever, as though he could teach me to walk on water. Something about him was definitely calling to me in some strange way. Tugging at some forbidden part of my being and making me hungry for more answers. It kept my senses on full alert, and I was desperately trying to figure him out from a 'safe' distance.
I wanted to see what this was all about, but I didn't give in to John Boy's gentle pressures that easily. "Actually....you know what? I should catch up to Kyla for a little while. She IS the one who brought me here, afterall? We just need to talk some things out. That's all." I didn't see a change in John Boy's expression. He just kept that same knowledgeable smirk on his face, as though he could....how did he put it?....'taste my search' as well. "I mean...I'll probably end up talking to Cyrus...you know.....later." He didn't say a word. Just stood smiling. The slight crackle of the waiting bonfire becoming evident in our silence. The lick of the flames reflected in his sunglasses. I knew he was listening to every word I was saying, but it felt like he was disregarding them all. It was like he knew. Finally, after an uncomfortable pause, I said, "Yeah, that's it. Maybe I'll talk to him a bit later." Still, no response. "Ok?"
"Of course." He said softly, his eyes focused straight forward out to the lake..
NOW he speaks! I took a step or two towards the beach when I looked back at him. "Do you...do you need any..."
"Help? No, my friend. I can find my way just fine."
"Right. Right, I forgot. Ok...um...I'll see ya later."
His smile got bigger. "Yes, Wesley. You will."