As we came out of the woods and started heading back to the party, I felt Kriegar walk past me, purposely bumping my shoulder hard as he took a leading position in front of the rest of the pack. He glared back at me over his shoulder, a sour look on his face. Partially angry, partially disappointed...partially ready to whip my ASS for letting down the family unit And not only that, but John Boy, who was once so supportive and fascinated by me...he suddenly seemed to not acknowledge me at all after my blatant betrayal of the pack. But, despite the strong, authoritative, grip of Cyrus' hand on the back of my neck, he kept his patented smile genuine. As though nothing was wrong at all. As if his wicked grin could somehow ease my pain...or calm my nerves. The thought of having a certified murderer's hand on me struck me with a sudden flash of mild panic. He could take me out at any time. And I knew it. He could make me suffer through a pain that I can't even imagine. And he wouldn't lose a moment's sleep over it either. And yet...his comforting brotherly smile remained.
"You, my boy, are not having the kind of fun that you're supposed to be having tonight." He smiled, rubbing his nose, almost lovingly, against my cheek. "I think you've forgotten what this night was supposed to BE about. You're supposed to let GO of the things holding you back. You're supposed to be submerging yourself into your true calling, Wesley Not running away from it."
"Cyrus, I..." But I felt him squeeze the back of my neck harshly, pinching the nerve and making me hunch my shoulders up in pain...without losing his grin.
"Shhhh...you're not listening, pup. You're not experiencing the full potential of all that you are." He said. He eased up on his tight grip, and continued to push me forward. "Sighhh...why do you fight with us so? Hmmm? What is it about that boring, monotonous, brainwashed life of yours that you're afraid to let go of? I'm willing to bet that you've done more in the last week and a half of this NEW life than you have in 14 years of the old one. What is it that you miss? Honestly?"
Afraid to speak, I simply kept my lips sealed and marched forward with the others.
I saw Shank look over at me with the most arrogant smile. But as usual...he remained silent, and just let his eyes say what needed to be said. His brother, however, never let himself pass up the opportunity to say it out loud. "Looks like little brother is too weak to hang with the big boys anymore. Look at him. Trembling like a frightened puppy."
Scout smiled, which was a rarity. "I TOLD you he wasn't so special He just wants to run away. I can smell it on him."
But Cyrus lightly smacked Scout on the cheek. "Now, now...our Wesley isn't going anywhere. He's simply taking his time adjusting to the situation." His eyes connected to mine. "Isn't that right, Wesley? You wouldn't try to do something as foolish as run out on the rest of us, would you?"
My bottom lip quivering with fear, I mumbled, "N-N-No, Father. Never..."
Cyrus kissed me on the cheek, and then...even though he maintained a smirk that seemed almost harmless...he told me something that still sends a shiver down my spine to this day. "Good. Because you...me...ALL of us...we're a family now. Bonded by blood. And there's no escaping that. Ever. If you think I wouldn't be able to find you...you'd be mistaken. I can. Anytime, anywhere. I can track you down...I can track your friends down...I can track your FAMILY down. And if I have any reason at all to think that you should be added to my personal shitlist...well, let's just say that it won't be much of a holiday for either one of us. K? Hehehe!" He said, giving me a one armed hug around the shoulders.
Terrified, I just tried not to make any more waves in an already turbulent situation. The faster I could get Cyrus' mind off of hurting me and my family, the better. I just...I wanted to go HOME! This wasn't a game anymore. This wasn't about hot sex with other boys. This wasn't about a fight with my dad, or my perfect little brother, or running away from an anti-gay society. It wasn't some childish altar boy prank, or freeing my mind of its restrictions. My LIFE was in danger! Every second that I was with them...I felt another piece of my individual soul die, along with a part of my sanity. I needed to find a way out. I needed to run. I don't know how I'd get far enough away to keep them from finding me, but....there had to be SOMETHING that I could do! SOMETHING!
But my growing panic gave me no answers. It only succeeded in doing one thing. It caused that blanketed darkness of the calling to peel itself back from its control. I could feel it sliding back into the depths of heart and soul where I knew it belonged. But it left me 'exposed'. My mind was suddenly left to deal with these monsters all on its own...and that scared me even MORE...which made the calling retreat even faster. I couldn't control it! I had to get it back! I had to get it back NOW! They'll KNOW! They ALWAYS know!
I tried to mentally force myself into it again. I tried to 'will' my instincts to take over completely. But they refused. The fear was too strong. Cyrus was keeping me soooo very close to him now. He'd never let me off the leash ever again. Not until it was too late. Not until I had succumbed to the horror of being one of them. He kept his hand so firmly attached to me, and the others had seemingly tightened up their circle around me. Closing in. Waiting to see if I even LOOKED in the wrong direction so they could tear me to shreds. Especially the twins. Shank and Razor were almost begging me to make a run for it. They were so ready to hurt me. My fear got worse, and the calling continued to shrink...until, at last...Sebastian caught wind of it.
He was more sensitive to it than the others, so he sensed the withdrawal first. But how long would it be before Kristin caught on? Or John Boy? Or maybe even Cyrus himself? Sebastian looked back at me over his shoulder, a slight frown on his lips as his eyes began to glow the color of dark gold. I thought for sure I had been caught. I was out of sync with our union. He's going to alert the others, I KNOW it! Please let me get the calling back! PLEASE! Where is it? Where did it go???
However...what happened next was slightly unexpected. Sebastian's eyes dimmed themselves back to normal...and with a gentle tuck of his chocolate brown locks behind his ear, exposing more of his smooth cheeks and nearly androgynous beauty...he did what he could to 'tempt' me back into the right state of mind. He stared right at me, a sensual look in those eyes, a subtle smile spreading across his sweet lips and brightening up those angelically soft features of his. It was hardly a time for me to be aroused by much of ANYTHING....and yet...something about Sebastian's lure actually began to help me stop the calling from retreating entirely. It was like...a deep part of me was so uncontrollably attracted to him that I just couldn't resist thoughts of holding him close. No matter what the danger was. He touched an inner nerve, and it seemed to be connected to everything that made my soul what it was. I began to sink into the peaceful lullaby of the calling once again. Void of conflict. Void of conscious. It covered me with Sebastian's help...and even though I was afraid of falling too deeply into it's alluring trance...I was afraid that Cyrus would detect anything less than a total submission to my wilder side. He was watching me so close now. My little attempts to break away would be more of an alarm than a sneaky experiment.
It was like allowing your mind to slip away from you. It was sooooo easy to stop fighting the current...and simply drift along, guided by Father's ultimate control. Oh yes, I remember now. Father is strong. Father is wise. He chose me...and I trust his leadership with my whole heart. Yes...Father Cyrus and my brothers will lead me. Protect me. Liberate me from the confines of a world that pretends as though it doesn't need me. That doesn't care whether or not I exist. A population of helpless sheep, living on reflex alone without any soul of their own to speak of. A world that has willingly 'forgotten'...the animal that sleeps within them all.
I didn't have the power to shake it off this time. I just kept sinking deeper. It grew and expanded rapidly inside me. It invaded every piece of me. And feeling the fear melt away was an almost orgasmic rush for me. My young body began to tingle with this energetic massage of passion...just beneath the skin...like a surge of electricity. I literally had to close my eyes for a moment while I was walking just to contain it. What was I turning into? What would I be capable of once I gave it all away? My life, my will, my memories, my self control? Would the savage wolf that did those terrible things back at the liquor warehouse come to the surface again? It's like I can feel it inside me. Waiting. And suddenly...I've come to realize how much I like it.
Cyrus must have felt me passively giving into his control, because he loosened the grip on my neck, and patted me lovingly on the shoulder as he leaned over to give me a tender kiss on my cheek. "You see? It feels soooo much better, doesn't it?" He whispered. "So much guilt, so much friction Let it go, Wesley. Let ME be your conscience from now on. I will bear your pain. I will take away your confusion. Follow me, Wes...away from the light. No one loves you more than Father does."
He kissed my check again, but this time I turned my head to smile warmly at him, and moved forward to kiss him lustfully on the lips. I sucked his tongue into my mouth, smacking loudly as he dominated me emotionally. The entire pack stopped walking until we finished, and Cyrus reached into the front of my pants with a smile...adjusting my obvious erection, and giving me a few 'slides' in his tightened grip. I whimpered happily from the attention, and when he brought his hand back out of his pants, he brought his fingers to my lips. I sucked each finger individually, tasting my own flavor, smelling my own boyish fragrance...the pheromones were enough to drive me wild. The calling invaded me a bit further, and I smiled as Cyrus rubbed his middle finger back and forth across the wet surface of my tongue as I curled it around him. He pulled his finger out, and I whined in disappointment.
"Enough, pup. We will have time later. But tonight is not about me. It's about you. My pretty pretty boy." He told me. "You still have no idea what true release really is. You haven't tasted the forbidden fruit of humanity without shame. You haven't 'taken' what you wanted from a predatory perspective. You're still playing a game with your experience. Still trying to play by the rules 'they' set for you...when there weren't any rules to begin with. Pierce through the illusion, Wesley. Walk through the fire with us, and come out as pure gold on the other end."
Sometimes, Father's words could be so hypnotic. So soothing. So simple.
I looked down to see Scout approaching the center of our circle. No doubt to snatch his master's spotlight back. But I was sooooo deeply submerged into my chosen position, that it only took a look from me to get him to back off this time. My stare must have taken on an entirely different meaning...because Scout obeyed my desires immediately. The moment made me grin with a delightfully wicked smirk. I stepped away from Cyrus' embrace and watched as Scout gently lowered his tiny blond head, his eyes looking down at my feet. Exactly where his gaze belonged in my presence.
He took a slight step backwards, and I had to admit...I liked this game. I moved closer and...partially to satisfy my own desires, and partially as a slight humiliation for his weak challenge to my standing...I lifted the boy's chin with my fingers, and kissed him deeply on the lips. Tongue and all. Scout was my baby brother Nick's age...his small mouth and thin boyish lips opened tenderly for me, his little tongue moving against my own. He didn't dare pull away from me. He didn't struggle at all. In fact, he put his hands delicately on my waist, and slightly raised his heels up to reach me and kiss me even deeper than before. He surrendered to an alpha's command. MY command. And I pulled back from him before he derived too much 'pleasure' from my demonstration of power. Scout didn't smile, he simply stepped back into his position at Father's side...and Cyrus smiled widely in response.
"Now you're beginning to understand. You might just make me proud someday, pup." He said, giving Scout a rub on his pint-sized bond mop. "You can't tell me it doesn't feel good. You can't deny the rush. The more you realize the strength of the beast...the less you'll have to answer for. And, believe me...the world can be a VERY different place without the threat of consequence."
"I'm sorry I ever doubted you, Father." I said. There was a faint light in the back of my mind. Fading quickly into the surrounding darkness. Crying out in a voice that I hardly wanted to hear anymore. Telling me to save a small piece of myself. Telling me not to fall too fast for too long. Urging me to save a piece of my sanity...so that I can eventually come back to my senses later. 'Stick to the plan', I told myself. 'Just deep enough to hide from them', I said. But why? I liked this feeling. I embraced my blessing. My 'gift' from Father. Born of a father's love. I was chosen. He chose me when nobody else would. When I was alone. And afraid. That inner voice of mine never brought me anything more than fear...and pain...and doubt. Forcing me to hide like a scared animal when it was THEM who should have been hiding from me all along. Perhaps my sanity was out of balance. Perhaps I had gone too far, and the madness was just too strong for me to swim back to the surface now. But the way I felt at that moment...I'd rather have that one last flicker of light gone from me. Forever. I had never been this deep before. So lost in the instinct. It was sooooo tempting to let that tiny, insignificant, light just fade away into oblivion once and for all. I doubt I'd even miss it when it was gone. After all....I believe Burgin said it best...
"...It is much more comfortable to be mad and know it, than to be sane and have one's doubts."
We moved forward as a single unit, our family reconnected, with me included. And made it back to the party. The whole area seemed to be reaching another level of excitement as the 'social lubricants' in the many cups and bottles around the room began to disappear even more rapidly than before. The noise level had risen, and the many teenagers around us were jumping around frantically, laughing until their throats burned, making out heavily in every quiet corner they could find, and drinking to excess. It reminded me of the teens on Rainbow's End...still lost in the 'scene', with no particular contribution other than refusing to go against the grain. Rainbow's End...how long has it been.
The thought brought a bit of that spark back to me...but I snuffed out the whiney flame before it tried to take hold. Stay quiet. I have no use for you anymore.
I looked up to the rafters above us as we re-entered the party, and saw three of Evren's girls watching us closely. Mara, Nia, and Evangeline. Their stare was so invasive...and they didn't care whether we saw them or not. It was almost done in insult. But even they could see a difference in my aura as I walked side by side with Cyrus. My confidence was out of control at this point, and growing stronger by the moment. I noticed a small ruckus to the side of us as a fist fight broke out between two of the boys in the middle of the dance floor. The crowd was being pushed our way as the boys brawled in a heated fit of drunkenness. But when the rumble came close to our personal borders, Shank and Razor closed in from both sides to block the rest of us. I never even saw them move. They were soooo fast. I had every reason to be proud of them. The twins stepped up, and easily pulled the two boys apart, shoving them both to the floor with a force that surprised them both. They stared up at us, and we all stood united, staring them down until they were so intimidated that they stopped fighting entirely and stormed off to separate sides of the party. It was as if they could sense the danger in the air. As if we had somehow tapped into their natural instincts, the ones they try so hard to ignore. And showed them visions of a dark future, involving them being beaten and ripped apart by every last one of us.
We relaxed once the threat was gone, and we loosened up the circle around our father. It was then that I felt a hand rubbing the front of my pants..and was surprised to see Scout secretly reaching a hand back to 'touch' me. He didn't look at me while he was doing it, but it wasn't accidental. His hand felt my length, and got more courageous as it began to harden underneath his palm. But it was soon interrupted, as Dex violently snatched Scout by the wrist and pushed him off of me.
Not hardly the submissive boy that he was with me outside, Scout instantly frowned up, and with a snarl, he shoved Dexter back with all of his might. The conflict began so fast that I hardly had time to figure out what was happening. Dex stepped out of his position and stood in front of me. 'Protecting' me like a piece of meat. Scout's eyes instantly began to brighten up, in here while we were standing in a crowd of people. And Dex began to drool from the side of his mouth, as a deep monstrous growl built in the pit of his stomach.
"DEX!" Cyrus reprimanded, but I don't think Dexter heard him. His focus was on Scout, and Scout alone. Dex's body began to tremble...then the shaking got more violent as his body began to change right in front of us. "DEXTER! NO!" Cyrus moved in front of Scout to take control before he 'outed' us to everyone at the party! "Look at me! Dex...look at me!" His voice was calm, but forceful. I didn't interfere. This is Father's chosen wolf. It is not my place to challenge him.
Kriegar stepped towards the center of the circle, tightly gripping Dexter's shoulder. "Crazy fuck! Snap OUT of it! What are you doing? Huh?" Dex just growled again, sounding even more evil than before...and his joints began to lubricate themselves for the inevitable change. I could smell it...and so could the other werewolves in the room. Kriegar roughly smacked Dex across the face. "I'm fucking TALKING to you, kid! What are you doing? You're gonna jump on Scout? On baby bear? HUH? Is that what you're thinking? What did Father just say? He said NO! Straighten up! You wanna go back to the basement?" It was one of the only things that made Dex pay attention. Another day and a half in the basement was the only punishment he seemed to recognize in his fogged up state of mind. Even more than a slap in the face. His eyes shifted to look at Kriegar, and he took deep breaths as his trembling began to calm itself down. Scout didn't budge an inch, but Cyrus kept an arm out to protect him just in case. As unpredictable as Dexter was, especially during a dark moon, we couldn't trust him to keep a certain mental state from one moment to another. Luckily...Dex found a way to control himself. And it was then that he gave Scout a warning in the form of a single word....
I don't know why I found the conflict so arousing, but with my mind so far gone, I could only smile...and walked up behind Dex to hug him lovingly over the shoulders. I kissed him sweetly on the cheek, but he never took his stare off of Scout, who looked like he couldn't care less. I think I might have found a loyal little 'satellite' of my own. A very subtle shift in energies occurred, putting a slightly larger helping of Dexter's energy on my plate than on Cyrus'. Before, he would have been greatly angered by this treasonous act. This time, however...instead of keeping it for myself, I made sure to give it right back to Father. An extra offering, from me to Cyrus. A gift.
And that made Father very happy.
At last...I was learning to provide for my 'family'.
Cyrus took Dex by the hand, and pulled him close. Simultaneously placing his hand on the back of Scouts thin neck. Controlling them both. "Come. Let's go upstairs to the loft and rid ourselves of this extra tension." He said to them, all but forcing Dex and Scout to kiss and make up right there on the spot. He signaled for Kristen to join him. Back to her 'banishment' from the rest of the party. But before leaving, Cyrus gave me a nod and a grin. Then directed John Boy, "Inform young Wesley of the new rules. And then I want Sebastian to take him for some refreshments. He needs to stay loose tonight." With that, he walked away, with only Dex peeking over his shoulder at me. His once playful demeanor completely obscured by the fur of the hidden beast within. I could see it in his eyes. Still dazzling in their bright, light brown, splendor...but with a dark fury behind them. I've never seen Dex get angry enough to begin the transformation before. But just the 'threat' of it was fearful enough to send a thrilling shiver of arousal through me. It only made me want to possess him even more. And take that power for my own.
John Boy spoke in a mellow tone to me. "Occasionally, the hormones in the air can affect Dex in surprising ways. It's best to keep him away from conflicts during the dark moon." He then turned to me, his sunglasses hiding his silver contacts from me. "Cyrus thinks you two need a break. At least for the next few days."
"Why? It was just a simple flare up..."
"A flare up that nearly cost us that which we cannot afford in pubic. He's too attached." John Boy said. "You remember what I told you....yes? About Dexter's infatuations. They can be dangerous. And unavoidably violent if the pressure is allowed to build. I'm warning you not to encourage him He may look small...but he is quite a handful."
I almost wanted to protest. Dreams of taking Dex home and sexually dominating him as many times as the rest of this night would allow. But as Sebastian gave me a stern look from the side, I did the only thing that I could. And I obeyed the request of a wolf higher in rank than I was. "For how long?" I asked.
"A few days of separation should be fine for now. But do not reconnect too soon, thinking that it will end. He is quite fond of you." I heard John Boy inhale slightly, not needing half the scent that I would to tell what level of arousal someone was experiencing. He could tell that I wanted Dex at that particular moment. He knew how badly I wanted to reward my pretty blond warrior for claiming me the way he did. And I guess that was unacceptable. "I suggest you remember why you're here. Take advantage of this opportunity. It is an important step on the journey to being one of us."
"I will." I told him. And then followed my senses right back to the boy I had been talking to earlier. Isaac. Isaac Montrager. He took a very timid glance at me as he noticed my return to the party, and I was allured by his beauty all over again. This time without fear of any kind. Not a single nervous jitter. Not a moment of doubt. But as I stepped in his direction, Sebastian stepped out in front of me, and John Boy put his hand on my shoulders from behind to whisper in my ear.
"Perhaps...you should find yourself someone a little more challenging, Wesley. Someone without an 'involvement' being made on your part." He said. "This isn't about sex. It's about freedom. It's about having what you want, when you want...even when it appears unavailable to you" Then John Boy smiled warmly. "But...if you want him later...we won't deny you your pursuits....'alpha'."
Mmmmm...it felt so GOOD to have him sensually stroke my ego in such a way It only helped to further dim the light of my old self. I had gone too far. In an attempt to hide, I had given myself over to the darkness. Seduced into wickedness. "Sighhh....you tempt me, John Boy." I grinned, and I felt him smile as he pressed his cheek against mine.
"Take pleasure in knowing your place, Wesley. Above them. Beyond them." He moaned softly, his young voice laced with the most erotic teenage haze as his soft lips touched my ear with every word. "Look at them. Lambs to the slaughter. Enveloped in a fantasy from which there is no escape. Not for them."
"Not like us." I smiled.
"Precisely. Amish boys and girls...looking for an answer. Expecting their religion to provide logic and reason for maintaining some sort of moral compass. Praying that it will save them. Salvation through a few rehearsed words and forcing themselves to look at the morbid statue of a tortured prophet one day out of the week. Promising themselves something more in an existence that they're hoping will be better than this one. Trying desperately to justify their purpose for being here." He told me softly. "But in reality...only WE are the ones living in the now. Only WE can experience paradise with our eyes wide open. Without the fantasy. Without the falsehood. They WANT to believe...but deep down, they know it's all a game. All of it. So look around the room, young one...and take it all in. They're lives are built in an imaginary prison where they believe themselves to be above your average animal. Tamed by the very same arrogance that they would accuse us of having, if given the chance. Don't be fooled by the optimistic illusions you've been taught to believe. At their core...they are ALL just as wicked and selfish as you are. Some even MORE so. Meaning that every guiltless smile in this room is, in itself, a manifestation of the greatest lie ever told. And the very concept of a 'clear conscience' is, more often than not...the result of a conveniently selective memory." He said. "The only difference...is the absence of hypocrisy in your mission to take what you want from the world. That's what the beast is. That is where it is strongest. Embrace it, and let it move you to a higher level."
Looking away from Isaac, I saw many cute candidates in the room that I wouldn't mind having for my very own. It was no longer a matter of who was shy, who was weak, or who I thought I could coerce into a dark corner with me. It was just a buffet of flesh...and I could have anything that I wanted from it. If I approached it like the predator I was meant to be.
"Yessss....that's it. Bear witness." John Boy moaned, feeling my excitement. His voice was soooooo hypnotic. So sexy. It lit a fire inside of me. "From the moment you were toilet trained, you've been taught to suppress yourself for the sake of a mask of civility. Creating a conflict between what you want, what you need, and what 'they' will allow you to have. It's the bars lining your prison. Sacrificing your comfort for the comfort of others. Bullied into fighting everything you want on a day to day basis. You try to ignore the rumbling in your stomach when you're hungry, you fight your rage when you're angry, you force yourself to stay awake when you're sleepy, hide erections when you're horny, you hold back tears when you're sad...and for what? All for the sake of allowing the people around you to flail around helplessly in a pointless masquerade, telling them that their emotional restrictions could somehow stop them from being wild. It won't. Because even when they hide it from others...deep down...we're ALL wild." He said. Then whispering softly, "Once you accept the truth, Wesley...once you see the honest reflection of your own nature...you'll come to realize...." He leaned closer, for a kiss. "....That you never really had a soul worth 'saving'."
With that said...John Boy released his feather light grip on my shoulders, and let me go to be with Sebastian. The thought crossed my mind that I wanted to turn and stick my tongue as deeply as I could manage into John Boy's throat. It seemed as though EVERYTHING made me so hot that I could barely stand it! The very act of letting go of my limitations made sex a constant explosion of desire that was hard to resist. I don't think I ever realized how much I thought about it before. How badly I wanted it at all times. How much I ACHED for it whenever I felt even the slightest bit of arousal. It only helped to focus me.
"Go with Sebastian." John Boy said. "He will further baptize you with a few refreshments."
"I'm ok, John Boy..." I told him, ready to get a shot at the many boys around me.
"Perhaps, yes. But this is Father's request. And it is to be followed. So go." He gave me a gentle push on the small of my back, and I was standing face to face with Sebastian. His unavoidable sex appeal covering me from head to toe with the first glance.
He didn't even give me the slightest of grins. If anything, he seemed to be working extra hard to sense any more sign of defiance in me. Out of all the rest of the members in our pack, Sebastian has always been one of the most suspicious of me. But when I didn't back down from his examination, he relaxed a bit, and said, "Come on. We need to talk." He waved off John Boy, and turned to walk towards the liquor table. I didn't know if I should expect a friendly chat, a harsh lecture, or an interrogation. But as long as a few more moments with Sebastian would once again set me free upon the unknowing 'victims' in this room...then I suppose I could bear a few minutes of reprimand for my actions.
But I have to admit...I had been taking John Boy's advice since we first went to that grocery store in town. And I was learning the moods and methods of my pack members quickly. I'm just willing to bet that Cyrus wanted me to go with Sebastian so he could sniff me out. Just in case I was lying. And that would mean that I'd have to remained lost...for just a while longer.
And then...hopefully...I can come back...
Before it's too late.