"Don't you stray too far from this spot. I'd hate to lose you." I told him. Not that I COULD lose him at this point. I had already tagged him. I had already caught an identifying whiff of his scent. I could find him in another STATE if I really wanted to. But there was something so alluring about keeping him still...tinkering with his thoughts and his passions...conquering him in every way that he would allow himself to be conquered. Where he would give me anything I asked him for...just so long as I continued to provide him the emotional rush that he had been searching his whole adolescent life for. It gave me control. It granted me power. And ohhhhhh, how I reveled in it.
Virgin boys can be SO entertaining.
Isaac gave me a nod, and I slowly backed away from him as he returned to his dark corner. His body temperature rising, his heartbeat racing...a goofy smile spreading across his pretty lips as his floppy blond and brown mixed hair swooped down to cover his shiny brown eyes. Heh....is that 'joy' I feel radiating from his infatuated display? Is it hope and excitement that I sense in his giggly, yet gullible, reaction? I was going to enjoy 'using' this boy. This time...the rush will come from the imbalance of feeling. Where I hold all the cards, and he is left weak and defeated at my feet. Where I don't share his attachment, and never once have to think twice about walking away as soon as I'm done with him. Liberating. His heart is mine. Completely at my mercy to do with whatever I please. And that makes me feel...good.
I moved deeper into the party, and I could feel myself growing more and more sensitive to everything that was going on around me. It was like slowly and peacefully being awakened from a deep sleep. The music began to tingle more as the vibrations fell softly against my skin from all angles. My vision suddenly switched to this super crisp image that defined every attribute and every flaw of every visible part of that room to the point of being surreal. I took a swig from the liquor bottle that I carried in my hand, and the flavor that embraced me gave me shivers. My whole body was alive. Every endorphin fired up, pumping nothing but endless, blissful, ecstasy into my bloodstream at levels that I could barely stand.
Perhaps Sebastian's little outburst had achieved its desired effect. He created a conflict that he knew I'd retreat from. He knew that falling deeper into my calling would force me to comply with Father's wishes...and that if he could just hold my true self underwater long enough....eventually it would drown. And only the dark depths of my demonic spirit would remain.
Heh....my 'true' self...
I don't even know what that is anymore.
I walked around, my senses literally ABLAZE with new and exciting information. I was inhaling so deeply that I was nearly dizzy from the excess of oxygen. I could smell what people were drinking, who was smoking and who wasn't, different types of deodorant and shampoo...I could even tell which boys and girls had crept off to have a short sexual romp somewhere, and then came back to the party again. I could detect the ones who felt out of place, the ones who felt that the whole party revolved around their drunken antics, and those who were overwhelmed by the unrestricted level of 'sin' that surrounded them in this place. It was an experience that went beyond words.
I walked past a girl in full Amish dress and bonnet, and without so much as a second thought, I reached out a hand to brazenly touch her. Starting on the small of her back, and then slowly moving downward as I gave her a warm smile. The palm of my eager hand quickly became addicted to the feel of the fibers of her homemade clothing. It was almost as if I could detect every stitch on a superhuman level. The girl's face got more and more nervous as my hand wandered down over the cheeks of her ass, and I gave it a tight squeeze. I moaned slightly...a pinch of lust creating the sound from my libido alone. I've never really been one to get instantly turned on by pretty girls. It's never been my thing. But this wasn't about that. The sexuality of the moment went beyond the flesh. It was more than her, more than me. More than straight or gay or any other label that existed outside of that moment. It was a need to experience a touch so primal, and yet so intimate, that it created the opportunity to be fully 'present'. No past, no future...just that instant. That touch. That expression. No matter who it was with. Perhaps sex itself had a 'calling' all its own. And perhaps people are just as afraid of falling into it as I used to be.
The girl blushed a deep red, and quickly moved away from me, pushing my hand off of her. Offended? Perhaps. A peach plucked from the tree a bit too early. Religious thorns still bind her, hands and feet. It's ok. I didn't feel the need to push, as what I sensed from her fragrance was more fear than interest. So I merely nodded at her, and moved on. There is too much flesh in here to waste even a single moment on breaking down her defenses. If she doesn't deem herself worthy of me, how can I be expected to? I have better things to think about. She can be some other idiot's problem now.
Too deep. Too deep. It was a quiet whisper in the back of my mind. A twisted mantra that I couldn't stop repeating for some reason. Why? What does it mean? Too deep? I don't even remember now. The very idea of it escapes me.
What could I possibly have to run from? My 'family' is here.
I was practically spinning in circles...my senses dancing around the other boys and girls in the room as I reached yet another level of awareness. Now I could see a single pin-prick freckle on the cheek of a boy halfway across the room. I could hear the strands of hair being brushed off of their forehead by the girls they lured off the dance floor area, and the tiny creaks in the wooden balcony overhead from small imperfections in the wooden supports. I never had any CLUE how much detail I had been missing before. Now that I had been exposed to it...it was almost like an entirely different world.
And that world...had it's fair share of pollutants in it.
There's something about the way the other wolves move that gives them away every time. There's a certain level of wild arrogance to it that they convey with every poetic step. There's a selfishness. A shameless pride that never once asks another living being to justify its existence. It's just there. It just 'is'. Both subtle and overpowering at the same time in its display. And despite the partying teen chaos around me...escalating as the fierce influence of the alcohol they were guzzling so rapidly began to hit the peaks of its impairment...I could still sense Evren's wolves lurking among the sheep. Moving in and out of the shadowed parts of the barn...like the rats they were.
Out of the corner of my eye, I could see Julien watching me intensely from the corner. His slim, slender, hips almost as dainty as the support beam that he was leaning against. I turned my head to look him in the eye, but with a smile...he just blew me a kiss, and backed up into the veiled darkness behind him...until only the glistening metal of his eyebrow piercing and two lip rings could be seen. And he wasn't the only one keeping an eye out. Over the next few minutes, I caught Mara watching from the self made DJ booth...staring at me with her 'good' eye, while deep scratches had rendered the other one almost useless. Occasionally I'd see glimpses of Evangeline's blond ponytail as it swiftly darted around a corner, her face never being seen by my eye, as she was always just a few nanoseconds too quick for me. Then I'd see Tundra's massive shadow as she stood watch near the entrance. They all moved back and forth through the party secretly. Silently. But while all of us were being seen as intruders in their territory...all eyes seemed to be focused on me, specifically.
Nia was especially sneaky. Beautiful...unimaginably smooth bronze skin, with soft, almost androgynous, Egyptian features that resembled the ancient paintings of queens on pyramid walls. How she was able to move so quietly...so seductively...without me actually 'seeing' her at all, I'll never know. But I knew her scent...and I knew when she was close. Not that it would do me much good. If she decided to run up and cut me to ribbons...she'd be half finished with the dirty deed before I even had time to figure out which direction she was coming from. What was their interest in me? There was a gleam in Evren's eyes when he spoke to me. Something that I recognized. The same gleam that Cyrus had that night when he first spoke to me by that bonfire at Rainbow's End. The same gleam he had when he asked me to bring that boy, Dallas, over to join us. It was a passion. A lust. An enchantment that held within its grasp...the power to 'conquer'.
"It's natural." Came a voice from my side, and I saw John Boy right beside me as if he had been standing there the entire time. "Being watched. It's natural. They're protecting the boundaries of their territory."
"Protecting it from what?" I asked, my eyes looking around the room at the many boys surrounding us. My gaze barely lifting from their crotch and ass areas for much longer than to see the dazzling color of their eyes. Pretty faces. So many pretty faces. "They don't have anything that I want."
"The world is ours for the taking, Wesley. ALL of it. It cannot have two owners. Cyrus and Evren have kept that stalemate going for quite a number of years now. Something tells me that your addition into our union has...'agitated' the situation."
"Is that so." I said, and watched as John Boy took off his small dark sunglasses and began to wipe them with his shirt. Almost as if he needed them to be clean to 'see'. His silver eyes stared forward, unblinking...and he smiled when he noticed the silent pause from my part of the conversation.
"It's not your concern just yet pup. We have a number of other tasks that we need you to handle for us first. But not tonight. Later. Father has great plans for you, Wesley. But we have to make sure that we can trust you."
"Trust me. Right." I said sarcastically. "Well, do me a favor...and tell Father that I don't really appreciate being 'watched'."
"Ignore it. Evren's soldiers won't be of any inconvenience. He won't allow it." John Boy answered.
But feeling my pride swelling up, I said, "It's not EVREN'S soldiers that I'm talking about." I gave John Boy a look that he could practically translate from the tone of my voice alone. He stopped polishing his sunglass lenses for a moment...then smiled and put them back over his eyes.
"Sebastian." He smirked.
"Why does he want to know who and what I'm thinking about? Why is he interrogating me?"
"Interrogation implies that you have something to hide." John Boy Replied. "Do you....have something to hide?" I didn't give him an answer. "All those years, Wesley. All those years you've been spending your time, wanting and wishing, hoping and praying, that you could JUST find some way to fit into some form of pack mentality. Now that you've got it, all you want to do is run from it."
"I'm not running from anything. I just don't understand why Father can't trust me...."
"Because you haven't given him reason to." He said. "You know...a word of advice, you really shouldn't try to hide your true feelings from Sebastian. The chances of you succeeding are very slim indeed. It's a waste of time." He answered. "It's his job to seek out flaws within our union. And he is already suspicious of your loyalties to the rest of the pack after some of the stunts you've pulled. Cyrus may appreciate your inner conflicts...but Sebastian and I aren't given the luxury of rolling the dice where the survival of our union is concerned. I suggest you never identify yourself as a 'wounded' member of this family. That would not be in your best interest." His voice was always steady, always calm. Analytical. The tone your family doctor would have when giving you back the results of a physical. But there was something about John Boy's hidden meanings and knowledgeable smiles that could throw you off balance. It was quite possibly the most 'polite' threat on my life that I had ever experienced. "Your training wheels are coming off after tonight, Wesley. The energies you provide the rest of us will benefit the pack as a whole. It is now time for you to give up your share of the circle. It is time for you to earn the place Father has given you."
"So you keep saying. I've been waiting. I've been ready. I want more...."
"Your resistance to your calling has made you unworthy." He said, nearly cutting me off, mid-sentence.
"What resistance? Haven't I proven myself enough yet?"
John Boy's smile widened even more. "Not hardly, young pup. Not hardly."
At that moment, I saw some younger boys, about my age, giggling out loud and chasing around a girl that was at least 21 years old. She was obviously not interested, but that only seemed to make the game more fun for them. They weren't even Amish. They must have just crashed the party, sneaking in under the radar. I was hardly paying them any attention outside of the ruckus they were making...until something that one of them said...struck a nerve.
"C'mon! You're PRETTY! Hehehehe! Just kiss me for ten seconds, and if you don't like it, we'll stop! I promise!" The first boy said with a giggle, his friend backing him up.
The girl refused, laughing at, what to HER, were a couple of toddlers without a chance in Hell. The second boy then chimed in with, "Then can I suck your tit???" Causing them both to laugh even harder.
But what got to me most...was when the first boy fell to his knees, and chuckled, "You want me to beg? I'll BEG! I'm BEGGING, alright!"
Those words specifically...
It was almost like a bolt of lightning ran up my spine and struck the base of my brain with an intensity that nearly knocked me off balance. Too deep. Too deep. I had....I had fallen too deep.
I was disoriented at first, the confusion flooding into my thoughts faster than I could block it out. "You want me to beg? I'll BEG! I'm BEGGING, alright!" I heard it over and over and over again. Echoes in the fog of my mind. Too deep. The voice began to twist itself and the sound became more distorted with every echo.
"You want me to beg? I'll BEG! I'm BEGGING, alright!"
I heard it again...but this time...the voice wasn't the boy's from the party. It was...it was...
Too deep. Wake up, Wesley. Wake up.
The memories began as muddy flashes of light. Barely permitted to reach full consciousness. But I saw it. I KNOW that I saw it. Blood. Blood, and teeth, and claws....and screaming. Such...such TERRIBLE screaming.
"No, no, no...please don't kill me. Please don't kill me! You want me to beg? I'll BEG! I'm BEGGING, alright!"
An old warehouse...the twins...Kriegar in the shadows. But...but not Kriegar. No...the monster. The beast.
Robbie's brother. Beneath me. Pleading. Crying. No mercy. None. Too deep. I could almost feel the heated warmth of his blood as it rushed over the back of my hands. The skin was so...so easily torn. The bones....so brittle.
"No, no, no...please don't kill me. Please don't kill me!"
Too.....too deep. I let go. I fell. Fell too deep.
"You want me to beg? I'll BEG! I'm BEGGING, alright!"
I saw gunshots. Smashed heads. Fingers bitten off in anger. Splashes of blood, claws like knives, teeth like jagged stone. What had I done? What was I a part of? Had I pounced on him? Had I bitten down on his helpless body? Did I....did I....ingest some of his...flesh.....?
I don't know why those thoughts had overpowered me so fast, or why they were triggered at that particular moment, but I didn't want to see them anymore. No. I don't want to see. I don't want to admit. No...that wasn't me. None of that was me. I'm not...I couldn't have been...no. The denial was swift. The images faded. And with hardly a whimper...my former self was once again swallowed up in darkness.
The trembles of fear settled. The voices faded. The demonic thoughts were buried and forced into the category of fantasy. Hellish fantasy. No such thing ever happened. And if it had....if it had...so what? I was stronger than they were. The weak suffer at the hands of the strong. This is how it should be. Right? That's what Father would say. That is how he would want us to see it. Why should I worry about such things? What's done is done. The feast perseveres. The masquerade continues.
I released a long breathless sigh with a smile as the calling rushed back in to claim me. It relaxed me. Took away my pain and my worry, and let me drift effortlessly back into a tranquil state of mind. All I need to do is trust in Father. He'll know what to do. He is the strongest....our leader...and he chose me because he loves me. He loves me.
I turned my head to see a mirrored surface on one of the old wooden support beams in the party...and I saw a boy smiling wickedly back at me that I didn't recognize at all. Could it possibly be 'Wesley'...that image in the mirror? Never had I been a witness to such an unfamiliar reflection. It was almost as if there were no traces of me left. No soul to be represented in the visible light. It forced me to stare, tilting my head slightly to the side as I attempted to find some part of 'me' behind this fraudulent disguise. Something normal. Something sacred.
But that angelic soul...such a precious and fragile thing...had been completely removed from view. And this nightmarish fabrication of life had taken its place. And what's worse is...I welcomed it. Despite the alien feel of it...I welcomed it with open arms.
"Your union is getting stronger, Wesley." John Boy grinned, reaching up to lightly put his hand on the back of my neck, and rub gently as he leaned over and raised up on his tip toes slightly to whisper in my ear, "When it finally settles in...all the way...you're going to be free of every obstacle in your mind. And only pure desire will remain. Desire...and family."
John Boy's warm breath on my ear was arousing, as was the melodic sound of his early teen voice as it passed through my sensitive ears. I closed my eyes and took a deep breath, allowing myself to enjoy it for a few seconds before looking back at him with a smirk. "Inform Father that I have secured us a ride home for the evening. ALL of us."
John Boy was pleased. "You do work fast. I'm sure Cyrus will be pleased."
"You'll tell him that I've done well?" I asked.
But John Boy simply replied, "No need. If I know...then he knows." He gave me a pat on the back and let me go. "I'm afraid your days of having isolated privacy and keeping secrets from your brethren are rapidly coming to an end. I suggest you get used to it." And with that, he tilted his head upwards, and I looked up to the balcony to see Cyrus leaning over the side...his satanic smile shining down on me like the soft glow of the moon itself. A sinister sight, together with Scout and Kristin on either side of him. They felt it. They all did. And their rush was almost as complete as my own.
I'm never going to be alone again.
I took another healthy guzzle of liquid from my bottle, feeling the tang of the drink stinging the sides of my face, just behind my earlobes. And then lowered it again when I had to come up for air. I was going to offer some to John Boy...but when I turned to my left...he was gone. Not leaving so much as a trail for me to follow. I looked back up at the balcony, and saw that Cyrus and his pair of 'protectors' were gone as well. Were they extending my leash again? Or were they simply standing somewhere that I couldn't detect them? Still observing. Still waiting for a reason...any reason, to lay waste to me and start all over again. Family or no family...I highly doubt Cyrus would hesitate to have me torn to pieces if he deemed it necessary. And yet...I could feel his love all around me. It made me WANT to follow. It made me want to believe.
I saw a group of boys pass me on their way to the keg to get some more beer...and one of them took a very secretive double take at me. It was quick. In my old state of mind, I might have never noticed it. But with my mind now fully tapped in to this new perspective...his quick and clever split second glance wasn't lost on me. In a group of four other obvious heterosexual boys...he was instantly recognized as the weak link. My eyes locked in on him right away, and I felt my muscles relax, stretch, and relax again. Readying themselves to approach said target.
Wesley Parker does NOT approach strange cute boys at a party. But whatever I had become...saw no reason to hesitate. Why not? He was weaker than me. How could he refuse me? How can I lose? What is the risk? None.
I walked over to the table where he and his friends were picking over whatever bottles of liquor, juice, and soda, were left before the hosts of this Rumspringa party came back with more. The boy I was looking at was maybe 18 years old. Older than me by four years, and so very very cute. Short black spiky hair, and dark brown eyes. His build was broad shouldered with a flat stomach that I imagined would display a decent hard set of six pack abs if I lifted his shirt. His smile gave birth to deep dimples in both cheeks, and his ass was firm and round. A lickable apple that I longed to bite into. As they laughed and joked around with one another, I tilted my personal bottle back and finished off what was inside. The mission was just as Julien had explained it....
His hidden affections are about to exploited in way that he was never prepared for. And I couldn't wait to be a part of his personal history...as the boy who broke through his barriers...and gave him a whole new life.
It was then that I noticed a slight tug at my senses...and looked behind me to see everyone in the party moving to and fro without a care in the world....all except for one. A boy with his head down...staring up at me...at him...and gritting his teeth in frustration as he twirled his favorite object around his fingertips.
Dex. Protective Dex. I wonder what he'll do to this boy when I'm finished with him. I wonder how he'll make him scream.
I honestly can't WAIT to see what my little Dexter is capable of....
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