(Copyright 2006 - 2007 by the Author)
Editors: Radio Rancher & Str8mayb
The following is a complete work of
fiction. Any resemblance to
characters and real life persons is completely coincidental.
The following story contains
violence and erotic homosexual situations
and content. If it is illegal for you to read this, please leave now. Please do
not copy or distribute this story without the author's permission.
Author reserves all rights to this story.
Wow, where has the time gone? It seems like yesterday, and it was in my mind, that I was just going to commit suicide. Then, out of the blue, came Justin. I was just waking up to have him look at me, and he told me he loved me, if for nothing else, saving his life. I donated a kidney to him, and gave him some of my bone marrow, and now we share blood. So, I guess, I did save his life, but at what price?
Is my life worth living now? Has anything actually changed? It's still just as screwed up as it was, but of course that was four days ago now. Wow, four days I was out of it. The operation must have had some difficulties, for it should have been over in a few hours, not days. But according to Justin, he said the doctors didn't know what was wrong with me, I just didn't wake up from it like I should have. It took Justin praying for me, before I finally came to, just in time for Christmas. I am still confused as to how we met up, but maybe there is a reason for it. Or, maybe I just don't want to know the answer.
So, here I am lying in bed, we just had our Christmas dinner, if you could call it that. They don't feed you a lot of food, especially solid food, after you have been cut open. But looking over at Justin sleeping in his bed, makes the worst of meals taste good. He really got under my skin, in such a short period of time, that it almost scares me. I mean, I didn't know him from Adam, until we met just a few short days ago, but I already gave him one of my kidneys, bone marrow, and some blood, and I don't even know who he really is. Why did I hesitate on that bridge? Why? It's not like he can take away all the pain and suffering I went through, but he saved me, so I guess I could repay the favor. Is that what this is all about? How could he love me? I'm all used up, on my last legs so to speak. Did all he want, was what I could give him? Oh God, to have seen him in that bed, in his last hours, was just heartbreaking, what else could I have done? Just walk out and leave, and never look back? It's funny, the thought never crossed my mind. All I wanted to do, was to make sure he would live. That was the only thought running through my mind in that room that night. So I helped him, where does that leave me now?
"Ah, Mr. Jenkins, I see you are still awake?" Nurse Joy said as she peeked her head in the doorway. "Is everything all right? You look as if you are in pain? Is there something I can get for you?"
"No, I am just feeling sorry for myself, is all. What I mean is, when can I leave, and get out here?"
"He really does love you, you know." She said, as she walked towards my bed.
"What do you mean?" The surprise was evident in my voice.
"All he did was talk about you, while you were still unconscious, and tell us all the things you guys were going to do, once you both were out of here." She said with a big smile, showing her pearly whites, which made her eyes sparkle.
"What do you mean, once we both got out?"
"Well, according to the doctors, since you both had the same operation, your checkout times would be about the same, didn't Justin say anything to you today?"
"No, nothing about that." I said coldly.
"Oops, sorry, I guess I really spilled the beans then, I really shouldn't have opened my mouth."
"I thought that his recovery would be longer, so you could at least monitor him for awhile."
"Well, before I get into any more trouble with you, all I will say is, his recovery is a miracle. With the selfless act that you did, he will completely recover, and will soon be out of the hospital, even though we will all miss him dearly."
"So I guess, I have to stick around too, just in case, something goes wrong?"
"Again, I don't want to say anything without permission, but you both are still sharing blood. So just as a precaution, you both have to stay, until the doctors say so."
"Oh, great." I mumbled softly.
"Is there anything I can get you, you looked in distress when I looked in here, are you sure you're okay?"
"Yeah, I am just dandy." Came my harsh reply.
"Well, if there is anything, anything at all, I or anyone else can do for you, just ring the bell, and we'll be right here, alright?"
"Yeah, whatever." With this sudden much longer stay, my world had started to grow darker again.
"I'll tell you what, I am going to go get something to help you sleep, I'll only be a minute."
With that she turned, and went out the door. What is wrong with me, one moment, I am care free, and happy, even giving someone parts of my body, and the next, I am just as big a jerk as ever. It's not like it's Nurse Joy's fault, that my life fell apart, or even that I am stuck here in the hospital, waiting for the golden boy to be released as well. I am so confused, jeez, she's even a pretty nurse, really pretty, once you stop being mad at the world. I mean any red blooded male would be happy to have her by his side, with her brown hair pulled back, and her gorgeous hazel eyes, and her figure, wow! She could do her own centerfold series. Why can't I just get over this feeling of being worthless? I mean I would have to be out of my mind, not to enjoy her company, and with her as a nurse, well, it will lead to a lot of stress relief sessions later.
"Here you go Sean; is it okay if I call you Sean, or would you prefer to be called Mr. Jenkins?"
"Sean is fine. And look, um, I, um, I'm sorry for being a jerk. You don't need that." I hung my head low as I said this.
"Well, Sean, I accept your apology, now take this pill, it will help you sleep. There you go, all the way down, good. I understand that this is quite a bit for anyone to accept right now, even the staff don't understand it fully. But we have all witnessed it, what a miracle it was for you to show up when you did, and for you to do what you did. All of us are so happy things did work out for Justin. Now you just try to relax, and get some sleep. Hopefully tomorrow will be a better day for everyone. Sleep tight."
With that, she turned and left, and my eyes followed her figure as she walked out and closed the door.
Without thinking about it, I turned on my side, and looked at Justin. Who is he, and what does his future hold for him? Will his future be better than what happened to me? Will he be happy for the rest of his days? And where do I fit into the grand scheme of things? Will I get out of here just to go finish what I didn't do that night on the bridge? Why does he say he loves me, he doesn't know me, or anything about me. YAWN. What the hell kind of pill was it that she gave me, I feel really sleepy right now. YAWN. The last thing I was looking at was Justin, sleeping in his bed, sleeping so peacefully. YAWN.
I had heard that you can't dream while on sleeping pills, that was a big lie. Because, whatever that pill was, it knocked me out quick, but instead of just sleeping, I went someplace weird, in my dream.
"Come on sleepyhead, let's get moving, I have things to show you." Justin was saying, as he was pulling on my hand to get me out of bed.
"What? I thought you were just sleeping, and what are you doing out of bed? You're supposed to be resting; hell we both are."
"I am. I am still in bed, look for yourself." He turned a little, so I could see past him and he pointed.
I looked over at his bed, and sure enough, his body was still there. Oh my God! What is going on?
"Settle down, Sean, we are just in a dream like state, and because you were having self doubt about your true worth, I need to show you some things. Now please hurry, before one of us wakes up."
I grabbed his hand, and as I sat up, I felt a weird sensation, like I was getting lighter. I looked back in my bed, and I was still lying there, with the tubes and wires still in me. Jeez, what a freaky feeling.
"Whaaaa?" I screamed as my legs started to give out.
"Don't worry, I gotcha." Justin said, as he caught me before I hit the floor. "I promise that nothing bad will happen to you, like I said, this is your dream, and I am just here to help guide you."
"Uh, uh, okay." That was the most intelligent thing I could say, given the circumstances after being really freaked out. Not knowing any better, I decided to follow him, after all, it was just a dream. Right?
As we were walking towards the door, a bright light engulfed us, and when the light faded, we were standing in a cemetery. Wow, what a weird dream.
"Hey, space cadet, over here."
In the distance, I saw Justin, but he was just standing beside me, holding my hand. How did he do that, oh yeah, this is a dream.
Justin was standing by an open grave, and there were a few people standing with him, but not noticing him at all. There was a preacher, and a few other adults, but none looked familiar to me. As I walked over to stand next to him, I noticed how pale, he really looked. Like you could almost see through him. He looked at me, then down at the tombstone, so I followed his eyes to what he was looking at.
JUSTIN LEWIS McCABE
LOVING SON AND A GOOD FRIEND
WE WILL ALL MISS HIM
"Whaa, what, what is this?" I
fell to my knees, and started crying, covering my face with my hands. "I
thought, I thought that you, that you were okay, and alive?"
"Don't you see Sean, if you hadn't come to the hospital that night, this was my future, or supposed to be, and this would have been my destiny. I was ready to accept the fact, that I wasn't going to live without finding a donor. Then I found you. You think that you aren't worth anything, but look at what you have done already. You didn't allow this to happen. You cared about me. Sometimes it's the little things we do, that make the biggest differences. Don't you see, how I could only have love for someone that acted without so much of a care in the world, that you were willing to even die for me? I heard you, before the operation, what you told the doctor. I know that you don't think that you have a better future, but now you do. And so do I, all because of you."
"Look around you Sean, do you know these people? These are the only people that were willing to come out here, to pay me my last respects. My nanny, Ms. Cecilia Moran, my last teacher, Mr. Oliver Simmons, my neighbor Mr. Robert Dutton, my Dad's attorney, Mr. Marty Hartman, and a few others from his office. And do you know who is missing? My parents. They are not here, Sean. My dad, and step mom aren't even here. That is how important I am to them. I am sure dear old Dad didn't even tell my friends that I died, for none of them are here. Do you understand now? My own parents didn't even come out here. But you, came to my aid and did what was right. You saved me."
"Justin, how could I not help you, when you needed someone? How could your own parents not be there with you night and day? What kind of parent would do that to their own child?"
"My dad, and his wife, don't think I am important enough in their social life, and haven't seen me since they signed the paperwork at the hospital for admittance. To them, I was considered extra baggage from Dear Old Dad's previous marriage."
"What assholes they are. Oops, sorry, Justin, but they aren't very nice, are they?"
"No. They aren't. But because of you, this isn't going to happen, not for a long time yet."
I ran over to him, and grabbed him into a big bear hug, and cried into his shoulder, not knowing what else to say. Seeking the comfort that both of us needed at the time.
"It's all okay now, Sean, with your precious gift to me, I will be able to graduate now, and learn how to drive a car, and go on my first date. I haven't thought about those things since I got really sick, and had to go into the hospital. Then, when they gave me the diagnosis, I almost gave up all hope, and I was ready to die. But then, one night, I prayed. I prayed for you to find me Sean. The only person in the world to care enough to help. And my prayers were answered. You found me, and saved me. Now it is my turn to help save you from yourself." He was starting to cry also, with his hug getting even tighter than the one I was giving him.
Peace and love, were starting to fill the empty void in me, as Justin kept on holding on to me. Never loosening his grip on me.
I guess that I was getting all cried out, for I looked up to see two hooded characters standing on either side of the headstone. One was wearing white, the other black.
"Sean, now it is time for you to make up your mind. You do realize who they are, don't you. You can come back with me, or go with one of them. The choice, is up to you." He finally let me go, and stepped back. The look on his face was blank. He knew this decision had to be mine, and only mine. His promise to help me, is being kept.
I looked around the grave site, and the people standing around, then at the two figures standing there. Looking into the face of the one in white, I could feel hope, love and calm. But the other, there was pain, suffering and hate. I didn't want that anymore. No more of that for me. I looked back at the white hood, and then at Justin. His head was hanging down, and he was almost transparent at this point. I was getting more scared with each heartbeat.
"What is happening to you?"
"Nothing, nothing that you can help with this time."
"Nothing? What do you mean? Jeez, we gotta get back, you don't look so good, and I am getting scared."
There was a flurry of activity, as the nurses and doctors rushed in to help resuscitate Sean, who was having an allergic reaction to the medication that he was given. And in the other bed, Justin had opened his eyes, and there was a single tear, falling down his cheek.
"No Sean, don't give up on me yet, please. I know you want to come back, please come back. Please."
BEEP BEEP BEEP BEEP now came from Sean's monitor.
The doctors acted as fast as they could, and had Sean stabilized once again. While the nurses ran around, and tried to figure out what medication had been given to him, the doctors were busy making sure this wasn't going to be repeated.
"Oh, my God, I don't think Sean could handle it." Justin was saying to himself, as he looked over to his roommate, that was being tended to by the doctors. They were in a hurry to try to stabilize him, for he had an allergic reaction to the sleeping pills the nurse had given him. "Please, please help him, I didn't mean to hurt him."
"Justin, stay calm, we have this under control, he will be alright." one of the doctors said, as he hurriedly put another needle into Sean's arm. "He has just had a reaction, to the sleeping pills that were given him. Nurse Jan, make sure we stay ahead of this, they are still sharing blood." Dr. Reggie Gifford
was showing signs of stress trying to figure out the problem with his patient.
"On it doctor." Nurse Joleen said, for she was used to working with Dr. Gifford, when he was stressed, and this was one of those times.
"And someone find the nurse who gave permission to give out medication without first checking with me." Dr. Gifford said sternly.
As the hospital crew worked feverishly, Justin was starting to get anxious, and his blood pressure was rising and his pulse was starting to race.
Beep,, Beep, Beep, Beep, Beep, Beep, from Justin's monitor.
"Will someone tend to Justin, we don't need another situation here!" Yelled Dr. Gifford.
One of the nurses, Nurse Sandra Wallace, turned around, looked at Justin, with his big eyes, starting to get glazed over. "Doctor, I think we have to do something here."
As the team split into two groups, one attending Sean, the other Justin, everyone was working frantically, to undo the harm the sleeping pills have caused. Just as Sean was getting stabilized, Justin started to fail, which prompted the team of doctors to switch patients. Not being able to do much, for they didn't know the cause of all the alarms going off, they could only barely stabilize the younger patient, before stopping for a minute to assess the situation.
"Nurse, has anyone found who gave the pills to Sean? I need to know who, what, where and when, yesterday."
"Doctor, it was me." Nurse Joy had come into the room, after attending to her rounds, which made her go to the other side of the hospital.
"Nurse, tell me what and how much and when you gave it to him."
The young nurse did as she was told, giving the doctors all the information that was requested, even showing on his chart where she had written it.
"What do you mean, you only gave him aspirin, Ms. Farmer? If that is the case, what has caused this reaction, his blood tested out with no known allergies to any medicine, prescribed or over the counter. What are we dealing with here? This shouldn't be happening."
All the doctors, and then the nurses, stopped what they were doing, when they heard the outburst, and started looking at each other, with a look of question on their faces.
"Well, looks like this one is for the books, I have no ideas, or suggestions for treatment, anyone?" Dr. Gifford was at his ropes end, and wanted anyone else to take over for him, because he didn't have the answers.
"I think, that this a question of faith, and hope, doctor." Nurse Joy said in a quiet voice. "This is a battle that these two need to take care of themselves."
Justin tried to calm down, but after seeing his friend go through that, he was a bundle of nerves. Casually he walked over to Sean sitting in a field, cross legged, staring off into space.
"Sorry Sean, I guess I really screwed up. I should've warned you, or given you a better explanation."
"What are you doing here, again?" Sean said, with distrust evident in his voice. "What is going on? First we were at a cemetery, then back at the hospital, and now I, well we, are here."
"Sean, forgive me, but our roles in this life, are intertwined now. We can not be separated, for you truly are my blood brother, one that I have prayed for forever. Please, just trust me, and I will explain everything as soon as I can. I never meant for you to get hurt, or be this confused, I just messed up, sorry."
Sean looked up at his young friend, who had such a sad look on his face, that he could tell the truth was being told. He could feel it, even if seeing Justin's expression of total surrender didn't give it away.
"Okay, I am waiting."
"This is not the place, we must return to our bodies, for they are in danger, if we don't hurry back."
Sean had a look of realization, like he was hit with a hammer, for he had heard that phrase before. In fact, it was on his way to the hospital, just a few short days ago.
"So, how do we do that, because I don't even know how I got here."
"Listen closely Sean, this world here, is the place you go when you dream, but for me to be here with you, takes a lot of energy from both of us. All we need to do, is just wake up, maybe not fully, but just go to your normal place, back in your body. Heck, I can't explain, any better than that, just try, for me, please. Please try it Sean, for your little brother?" Justin was getting such a puppy dog look on him, Sean couldn't resist, and thought about what he was being told.
With a look of utter confusion, Sean decided to try anything, for this place, as peaceful as it was, was not where he wanted to be. He tried to think of what his body felt like, and where it was, what position he was in before he came to this place. Soon, we could feel his body trying to pull at him, and he started to disappear from view as Justin just looked at him and smiled. "That's it, you got it big brother."
Sean soon woke up, looked around the room, at the look of confusion on the hospital staff's faces, and finally, he rested his eyes on Justin. 'What just happened, and more important, why?' He thought to himself, then closed his eyes, and went back to sleep, unsure of the past few minutes that have transpired.
"Well, that's one down, one to go." Dr Reid Meyers said, with a big sigh, seeing the look of utter confusion on Dr. Gifford's face. Reid had always worked with Reggie, since they graduated med school together, both of them at the top of their class. They just seemed to click, and have been a formidable team, one that worked, and had many success stories to their credit.
Justin, waking up again looked over at his friend, and smiled as he noticed that he was just sleeping. Knowing all the answers to the questions that Sean would have, were in his head, he had to try to figure out how to tell them to his brother, without an episode like this, happening again. This was just to close a call, for if they weren't already in the hospital, something like this would have put them both in the intensive care unit, or worse. He was going to have to be more careful from now on out.
"There's the other one, hell, let's call it a night folks. Looks like we're out of the woods for now." Dr. Meyers said, and let out the big breath he was holding, after Sean had seemingly come back to the living.
As Justin lay there, thinking about how his life came to be, he felt his love for his friend and adopted brother growing. 'I have to let him know it all.' He thought to himself, 'but where do I begin? I guess the beginning would be nice, but how far back does he want to know about me, and does it really matter to him, about my past? What about my getting sick, and all the time I had to spend in the different hospitals, and on different treatments, seeing all the specialists across the country? And what about my dad, and step witch, er, step mom, does he want to know all about them too? Well tomorrow is another day, its time to get some rest.' With that, he rolled over in Sean's direction, and went to sleep, with a smile on his face.
Thank you to my editors for their help in making this story into what it is today. Comments and criticisms are always welcome. Please forward them to firstname.lastname@example.org For those of you wishing to read ahead in the story, you can find additional chapters at http://www.tickiestories.us or http://www.myspace.com/stories_by_hal or http://crackerwriter.us/Main_Site.htm Thank you all and hope to hear from you soon!