“Are you
ok?” Bambi asks me at that moment.
“I'm fine.
Perfect.”
I wasn't. Nothing
was right in the world. Nothing was perfect.
We are sitting
at the table. I look across the table and notice Greg staring at
Jax. Jax is staring at me. Bambi is just staring at everyone at the
table. It isn't until halfway through lunch that Jae Jae and Kaysha
join us scooting Chyna over a little bit. My friends are just
sitting around the table looking at us.
“Look who decided to join us...” Bambi smiles.
It breaks the awkwardness to have Jae Jae and Kaysha come over and sit with us.
Jae Jae smiles
weakly, “How're you guys doing?”
We all know why
Jae Jae is upset. Bambi is faking a smile but we are all aware. The
staff has come over to ask each one of us about Jae Jae. Maybe
people just assumed that since Jae Jae sat with us that everyone in
this little group was real cool. Mia LaPerla wanted the person who
smuggled Dre on board and she wanted that person bad.
“Better then you man,” Greg says.
Bambi elbows her
brother at that moment, “Shut the hell up Greg.”
“What's
that supposed to mean?” Jae Jae asks Greg.
We all look around. There is this awkwardness in the air.
I'm not surprised
when Jax stands up for Greg, “Look, Greg didn't mean anything
by it Jae Jae. He just goes off at the mouth some time. We all know
the staff on the Exodus are looking for you man. They've been
questioning us.”
Jae Jae face gets a little weird at
that moment.
“Great...”
he responds.
“We aren't
going to snitch man,” Jax states, “Any friend of my man
Mario is a friend of ours.”
His 'man' Mario? Jax does
something that is so obvious right then. He stares at me from across
the table. His eyes glue onto mine. He licks his lips slowly and
eagerly just watching me at that moment. I can admit Jax is FINE
enough to make a black man blush. I'm sitting here looking back at
him and my heart is beating faster and faster at that moment.
I'm not the only one
who realizes how Jax is acting. Bambi as though it wasn't obvious
enough adds a warm, “Isn't that cute?”
The
awkwardness at the table goes from an 8 to a 10 at that moment. Greg
looks over at me. He looks over at Jax.
He seems to give me a
funny face and turns back to Jae Jae, “We got your back Jae
Jae. You my main supplier anyway. We can't have you going away.
It's nice that you got your girl beside you too. She actually holds
you down and doesn't jump ship as soon as another cute face comes
along...”
Is Greg taking a dig at me? Is he talking
about the fact that Jax turned onto me? If he is then Jax doesn't
notice it. Jax is hardly noticing anything. He's staring at me.
He's smiling. I want to get lost in Jax too...but I can't. I just
can't right now.
“I'm not
his girl,” Kaysha quickly responds.
“Girl you need to give up that lie,” Chyna responds.
“Right,”
Bambi states, “It's kind of obvious. I think everyone should
just...come out. You know?”
Bambi looks over at me and
winks. God. I know exactly what the fuck she is referring too. She
isn't even trying to hide it right now. Bambi is intent on Jax and I
getting together.
“I'm serious,”
Kaysha responds blushing just as hard as I am, “We're just
friends.”
“Is that true Jae Jae?” Greg asks,
“You guys just friends?”
Jae Jae stares at the
ground for a minute.
“Even if I
wanted to be more...I'm probably going to get locked up soon anyway.
My life is over.”
“Jae Jae, don't say that man,”
I respond to him.
“It's
true. My life is fucking over and there's nothing I can do about
it,” Jae Jae responds, “I'm helpless. It's just a matter
of time before they come drag me off.”
The tension is
heavy at that moment. Smiles fade. Not even Bambi can manipulate
the situation we are in right now. It's just heavily sad. I can see
Jae Jae sitting there next to Kaysha. Every part of me can almost
feel that he wants to console her. He wants to be close to her but
he's holding back. Is he holding back because he doesn't want to
lead her on before he goes to jail? Does he think he's protecting
her?
The heavy moments soon begin to pass before Bambi breaks
everything up again.
“Everyone
excited about the Mars Ball?” Bambi changes the subject after
the heaviness of this all clearly starts effecting her, “I'm
wearing Roberto Cavalli...”
“Versace here,”
Chyna butts in.
“I'm not going,” Jae Jae states.
“C`mon,
Jae Jae...you have to go. You going to make me go alone?”
Kaysha asks him.
“You're surrounded by friends. Sorry guys...excuse me,” Jae Jae states.
He's down. It's
written on his face. In the next minute Jae Jae gets off the table
after excusing himself. His face is red and flushed with depression.
I've never seen him really like this since I've met him. Jae Jae
was talkative. We'd spend hours together just chatting about this
and that. We'd chat about a bunch of nothing.
I lean over and console Kaysha who is sitting to my left. I rub her back a little bit.
“Things are going to be ok...” I tell her.
“Really?
Because it seems like everything is falling apart,” Kaysha
tells me.
Bambi butts in at that moment, “Think of the
positive things. Like the ball coming up...”
Sometimes
I think Bambi is the biggest bitch but other times like now she
actually seems like she has some sort of a heart under all that MAC
makeup. She gives a sincere smile to Kaysha that even I feel at that
moment.
“Kaysha's
right. Listen. We are all far away from home,” I tell the
table, “We have to look out for each other. And if there is a
way to help Jae Jae. We'll find it.”
Kaysha smiles
weakly, “You're right. I'm an OG. We'll find a way to get
through this. Well...do you have a date for the ball Mario?”
“Yeah
he does...” Jax butts in almost quickly
It's too quick.
I immediately bite my lip. Is Jax about to tell everyone about
us?
Jax immediately adds the rest of it when he sees everyone
at the table stare at him, “I mean he's going with
um...um...”
“Me,” Bambi states.
“I am?”
I ask.
“Yeah dummy.
Did you forget?” Bambi rolls her eyes, “I picked out
everything for you.”
Jax smiles, “Yeah it's gonna
be exciting. I have something I want everyone to know about when we
get to the ball.”
Chyna raises an eyebrow, “Can
you just tell us now? I like surprises.”
Bambi rolls
her eyes, “Bitch he said he's going to wait.”
“Oh
yeah. Sorry...”
Bambi smiles, “It's settled
then. I'll see you all of you at the ball and you better be...DONE.
Don't let me the fuck
down...”
=========================================================================
“Damn look at you,” I say staring at Kaysha.
Kaysha comes to my room later that day. I know she's checking for Jae Jae. It's clear she is. It's the day of the Mars ball. On Monday we were going to be in Mars. We've been in space now for a total of 160 days. The excitement is building and this is the big celebration of our arrival to Mars. This is big news and even though I won't be walking on Mars I'm excited for all the people that get the chance to go out.
“Bambi got to me,” Kaysha states as though she is complaining.
To be honest I
should have known. Bambi must do this makeover shit for a living
back on Earth. That's the only way that I can describe it. It's
the best that I've seen Kaysha. Kaysha has extensions. She is
finally wearing make up. Her face is contoured in a way that makes
her look like she lost almost 20 pounds. I mean she isn't on Bambi
and Pia's level. Her dress isn't some lavish expensive dress lke
they wear. It's something tight and basic showing off her curves in
the right area. She may never be on that level, but I have to admit
that the girl is beautiful as hell right now.
It makes sense
why she shows up at my door now before the ball. She clearly wants
someone to notice.
“We'll have to take some pics for Jae Jae.”
“He isn't here is he?”
“He's
barely sleeps here anymore,” I let her know.
Kaysha leans
over on the bed at that moment, “I'm worried about him.”
“Mia
LaPerla hasn't been asking around as much lately,” I let Kaysha
know, “Maybe they dropped the case...”
“Or
maybe they solved it,” Kaysha argues, “Maybe they are
just waiting to arrest him.”
“Have faith,” I
tell Kaysha.
I put my hand on her shoulder.
“You're a good
friend Mario. Don't let anyone ever tell you differently.”
I
was a good friend. Maybe one day that would be my own downfall...
“Let's just
have some fun tonight and take our minds off of things,” I tell
her, “You can roll with me if you want. I'm about to head over
to Bambi's room right now actually and get ready.”
“I
was actually asked by Greg.”
“Greg isn't taking
Chyna?” I ask.
“No. And
truth is she doesn't care. You know that girl's such a fucking
airhead,” Kaysha smiles, “Everytime I talk to her I feel
like Einstein or something.”
“Welcome to the
Dollhouse,” I laugh.
“Oh God...”
Kaysha smiles, “I used to be obsessed with them...from a
distance. Being one of them is another story. Hell I don't even
know if I'm one of them. I don't even know if I make the cut. Let's
just say being around them is a different story. Jesus...”
Kaysha is turning and walking out.
I think for a
moment, “It gets worse...”
Kaysha turns at that
moment and stares at me suspiciously, “What do you mean
Mario?”
I hesitate...thinking about telling Kaysha
everything that is really going on but instead I just shake my head
and force a smile the best way that I can.
“Nothing
doll. I'll see you at the ball.”
I'm just thinking
about everything at this moment. I am thinking about Pia. I'm
thinking about the secret agreement that we had. I'm thinking if I
could really go through with this shit. Can I really put others
before myself and what I want?
The thoughts gather in my head
and almost make me spin. By the time I get to Bambi's room I'm
blown. I knock a few times and realize that a week ago Bambi gave me
her room key.
I open the door
and step inside.
“Bambi I
hope you're close to being done!” I scream out as soon as I
enter the bedroom, “It takes you hours...”
I step
inside of the room. There is heat coming from the back. I make my
way towards the side of the suite. The huge suite is similar to
Jax's suite. I walk past the kitchen and step into the hallway. The
bathroom door at the end of the hallway is open. A gust of deep
steam comes out of the bathroom. Someone steps out of the bathroom.
I stare at that
moment and notice Jax walk out.
He's
naked...completely butt ass naked.
“Bambi's not home,” he smiles.
Jax leans up against the wall. He notices me staring him up and down and a priceless Kodak smile is his reaction to it. He begins to walk towards me. His muscular defined legs are wet with steam. He emerges from the team like a phoenix. He almost brings the heat towards me and by the time he is down the hall I'm sweating a little bit.
He stands inches away from me. Jax's mouth hovers over me at that moment.
“Bambi planned this didn't she?” I ask him.
“She
wanted our night to be special...she didn't want Greg or Chyna
interrupting us so she let me have her suite.”
“Interrupting
us?”
Jax leans over at that moment and kisses me. His
lifts are soft and smooth. They pucker up to mine. When I open my
mouth Jax literally sucks the air out of my lips. I'm struggling to
sit there and find a way to contain myself. His warm body presses up
against mine.
I struggle to move backward at that moment.
“Yeah...interrupting us,” he tells me.
“Fuck
you're sexy,” I admit to him but quickly find myself snapping
out of it, “Look. I need to tell you something Jax. Something
very...very...”
I can't talk. Jax is nibbling at the bottom of my lip. He sucks on the bottom of my lip hard. As I continue to attempt to talk this naked man is stroking me up and down. His dick is getting hard between my thighs. His muscles surround me. He lowers his hands right below my ass and begins to squeeze gently.
“Sorry,”
he whispers seductively, “I can't help myself. I love how your
lips pucker out when you get serious man. I can't help
myself.”
“Jax be serious...”
“Mhmm...yeah
like that.”
As soon as I open my mouth to speak again
Jax shoves his tongue down my throat. FUCK! My heart is racing so
hard at that moment. I can't believe he wants me this bad. I can't
believe Jax is here kissing me and acting like I'm the only man in
the universe.
How the fuck did I get this
lucky?
“Jax...please focus...” I pant in a way
that almost feels like I'm begging.
“Shit. You're
right. I don't want you to think what we have is going to be all
about sex?” Jax states, “Come here...”
“What
we have?” my heart is racing.
“What we are
going to build...together,” Jax states and before I can respond
again he grabs my hand, “Come here.”
“Jax...we
need to talk.”
“Stop the serious talk. It makes
me want to kiss you man. Just shut up and follow me. Close your
eyes.”
“Jax---”
“You trust
me?”
“Of course I do.”
“Then do
what I say. Close your eyes. Matter of fact...here...”
Jax
walks behind me. He cuffs his hands around my eyes so that I'm
blind. I can feel his naked body pressed up against my backside.
This is making me even more excited. His dick is so big. It's semi
hard still and pressed right up against the crack of my ass. He
leads me from behind letting his body guide me one step at a time.
We walk closely almost as though we are attached to one another. When we get to the bedroom Jax removes his hands from away from me.
“What do you think?” Jax asks.
“You're
joking...”
My heart is racing. Jax has matching suits
hung up in the bathroom. They are both white with a dark grey lapel.
I look over at the suits and my heart is racing. They have this
signature look.
I can see Jax in the
mirror. He is looking at my reaction, “I'm going to take that
as you like them. I figured since tonight is our coming out thing we
can go there matching. You know. Do the whole 9. And I'll just get
up and I'll tell everyone what's up between us. I mean I'm pretty
sure everyone knows. I'm sure Bambi knows, I'm assuming Chyna may
know, Greg knows. Everyone supports us...”
“Wait...Greg
supports us?” I ask.
“He's my
best friend Mario...”
“Your best friend that you
also was fucking.”
“It's complicated,” Jax
responds.
“I think he
still likes you. You don't know how deep his feelings went.”
Jax
rolls his eyes, “Greg is not like that man. C`mon. We haven't
even made it official and you're staring to get jealous on me
already.”
“Whoa...I never said I was jealous,”
I respond defensively.
Jax sighs at that moment, “Mario. Listen. I trust Greg. If we are going to do this. You're going to have to just understand that. And you're going to have to trust him too at some point.”
I don't want to
argue with Jax but I remember how Greg looks at me. I remember how
he reacts to me about things. Greg's actions just didn't seem
trustworthy. Greg leading me over to Pia so that Pia can reveal her
little plan to me wasn't trustworthy. Greg telling Dre that Jax and
I were sleeping together prematurely wasn't trustworthy either.
“There's
something about that guy Jax...”
Jax says at that
moment, “I'm cool with your friends right? Ok Greg and I slept
together but our relationship is deeper than that. He had some time
to think about what I told him about me and you. He says he's happy
for me and I believe him. I'll do anything for my friends in the
same way that I'm sure you'll do anything for yours...”
Anything...
“I guess
you're right.”
“ Listen. Let's not argue about
Greg or Pia or Dre or anyone else,” Jax states pulling me in,
“Tonight I want it to be about us. Ok?”
I sit
there forcing my smile as hard as I can. Truth is I want to run. I
want to run as far away as humanly possible.
“Ok...”
The VIP section is catered off from the rest of the party. I know about half of the people in the section. There are a couple of guys that Greg has invited that usually party with him. They introduce themeselves to me a few times but honestly I block it out of my mind. I am trying my best not to get involved with Greg.
Kaysha, Bambi and Chyna are sitting off to themselves. Kaysha is pretending like she doesn't like being the mix but the truth is I can tell a part of her is really enjoying this popularity thing. I can see a couple of guys eyeing her that never probably gave her the second time of the day. What is even more interesting is the fact the the guys seem to be intimidated by her.
“You going to dance or no Mario?” Greg asks me.
“He's not trying to fuck up the white,” Jax speaks for me.
Jax touches the
smalls of my back at that moment.
“I am noticing
the theme here?” Chyna asks, “Was that intentional?”
Jax
looks over at me. Our eyes connect. It's that moment where I feel
like he is drawing something inside of my soul and sketching it on a
piece of paper. I am melting underneath his stare. I find myself
moving closer to him without even realizing it.
We are so close
right now. Our bodies almost inseparable.
“Maybe,” Jax responds to Chyna but looks me right in my eyes.
Bambi fans
herself at that moment, “It's getting hot in here. Greg, Jax
why don't you guys go get us drinks...”
“I want
want too,” Chyna states.
“Bitch
there's only two boys. Go get your own drink,” Bambi lets her
know.
Jax looks over at
me, “What do you want to drink?”
“Whatever
you think is good,” I respond.
Jax smiles at me
flashing pearly white teeth, “I'll make it special...”
He
walks away at that moment. The music is blasting and I can't help
but to see him walk away. He's nonchalantly talking to Greg but he
looks happy. Ever since I've met him I haven't seen Jax smile as
much as he's smiling tonight.
Did I make him this happy?
Was
I the cause?
“You two are fucking cute together,”
Bambi states, “Aren't they Kaysha?”
Kaysha raises
her eyebrows, “I don't know what you're talking about...”
“Oh
cut the shit,” Bambi responds, “I know and you know that
Jax is about to ask Mario to be his man, his boo, his bae...”
“He
told you that?” I ask.
My heart is racing.
WHAT THE FUCK?
“Duh. Jax hasn't been secretive about you guys. The secret is out...” Bambi responds.
Kaysha gives in
at that moment and stops trying to hide my little secret, “Bambi's
right. Every minute you're not around Jax won't stop talking about
you. I mean I have Chemistry with him and he's like a little
hornball...”
“Still a relationship is a big deal.
We aren't there yet.”
“Bullshit. You've been
there from the moment you've met him,” Bambi replies and then
stops at that moment.
Kaysha seems to
really be channeling my attitude at that moment, “Why the long
face? Shouldn't you be happy about this?”
“I
am...it's just...”
“It's perfect,” Bambi
lets me know, “My plan worked. You get your man. Pia: The
Wick Witch of the West gets to watch in her lonely corner as her man
confesses to love another man. Yes. Perfect.”
Bambi
smiles in her own little conniving way. Only thing about Bambi is
with all her conniving she seems to want the same thing I want. She
seems to have my best interest in mind even if it was for her own
selfish reasons.
Kaysha leans in
at that moment, “Mario...I know you. What's wrong?”
“I
know what's wrong,” Bambi butts in, “A rat's coming our
way...”
I know who Bambi is talking about before she
does. In the next minute Pia walks over to the VIP section. When I
see what Pia is wearing I'm literally shocked and appalled. Kaysha
and I are like two people stuck between landmines. We don't know
which way to turn.
They...are...wearing...the...SAME...dress...
“Interesting,” Pia states staring at Bambi.
Bambi stares back at
her ex-bestfriend, “Really?”
At that moment Jax
and the others come walking over to the VIP area. Greg's friends are
with him and they are almost immediately laughing when they see that
Pia and Bambi are both wearing the exact same Cavalli sleeveless
dress with a plunging neckline.
“Twins?” Greg asks laughing.
Chyna's eyes get wide as she looks at Bambi, “Oh...my god Bambi. Bitch stole your look.”
There is more laughter from Greg's friends. It's clear that Bambi is embarrassed. If she didn't hate Pia before...she definitely hated her now.
“You did this on purpose...” Bambi tells Pia.
Pia rolls her
eyes, “Of course I didn't. I mean how could I have known what
you were wearing Bambi? Look. Our shoes are different. You're
shoes are last seasons darling.”
Chyna is staring at
Bambi, “Oh my god Bambi...Pia's shoes aren't even on the rack
yet...”
“SHUT THE FUCK UP!” Bambi responds
before turning to Pia, “Bitch where the fuck are our bottles...
“They are
coming,” Pia responds, “Here's one now...I have someone
breaking out the others...”
She hands Bambi a bottle of
Ciroc.
Bambi yanks it
out her hand, “Bye...you can leave now...”
I stand
at that moment and stop Pia from leaving before anyone can say
anything differently, “Actually Pia, why don't you stay?”
Jax
looks over at me, “Stay?”
Clearly no one wants Pia
around and it's for good reason. She's been nothing but trouble.
Luckily Bambi has my
back, “Yeah...actually Pia why don't you stay. Jax just had an
announcement to make to everyone.”
Fuck. Fuck...Fuck...
My heart is
racing.
Jax leans over at
that moment, “Yeah actually I do have a really big
announcement. Can I have everyone's attention.”
I turn
to my right. Bambi is standing next to Chyna and Kaysha. A smile
spreads over her face. She couldn't be happier to see what is about
to happen. If she was smart she would notice something else though.
She would notice Pia's smile as well. She would notice Pia doesn't
seem to have a care in the world right now.
Jax is smiling as well. I've never seen him so happy. He slowly makes his way towards me. He stands right next to me.
“EVERYONE
SHUT UP!” Greg announces, “Let my best friend talk. He
has something he wants to say...”
Greg's friends shut
up. I can tell most of these guys are bandwagon guys. They look for
someone like Greg or Jax to lead them. They follow around Greg and
Jax hoping that they would be able to get with girls like Bambi and
Chyna if they were just around. I realize how fast they shut up.
They'd do whatever Greg told them to.
The man of my dreams
stares in my eyes right now, “So...we've been on this space
station for a while now and I've had a lot of time to reflect. I had
a lot of time to stare out into the stars. I've just had time to
think about what I really want out of life. Being in space made me
realize just how small my world was. And I've realized just how big
the universe was. And I've wanted more...”
“I
think I'm about to cry,” I hear Kaysha whispering next to me.
I look over to
her. I realize that Bambi has beaten her to it. Bambi is fucking
crying. Jesus Christ everyone is putting so much into this.
Jax looks over at
me, “I've allowed myself to face emotions that I didn't think I
could face. And I allowed myself to break out of a box. I got out.
You know what I mean. I'm getting out of the box that society sets.
Because I'm Jax Christopher I have to date the perfect young, light
skin girl with long hair and cares only about fashion. Because I'm
Jax Christopher I'm supposed to be what this idle of male perfection.
I'm done with that box. I get out. I'm coming out...”
Pia
stops him, “Before you finish...”
Fuck.
“Bitch you're
so rude,” Bambi responds, “Can't you see Jax is
talking?”
“What---I was just going to say let's
bring out some more bottles so we can properly toast to Jax's
news...”
At that moment someone is breaking out more
bottles. Someone rolls the cart up. I realize who it is before
anyone else does. The person rolling up the bottles gets the most
stares out of everyone.
Dre.
“What's going
on here?” Jax asks Pia, “What the fuck?”
“What---I
was going to let you finish,” Pia responds, “It's just
Dre...”
“I thought he was in jail,” Kaysha
adds in.
“My mother
decided why keep someone locked up. Instead of having him in class
why not just have him join the staff and work off his debt to the
LaPerla's...” Pia responds, “What's the big deal? I mean
weren't we all gathered to listen to what Jax had to say. Go on
Jax...finish what you were saying...”
Bambi, Chyna and Kaysha are staring over at Pia. They don't trust her. They have the right reason to. Her bringing Dre here at this very moment. That was her plan. It was her plan all along.
I stare over at
Dre. Our eyes connect.
Jax shakes off everyone at that
moment, “I wanted to tell everyone that I'm gay. I'm gay and
I'm falling for someone. And that person is Mario Kane...”
Jax reaches over at that moment and grabs my hand. He grabs my hand in front of everyone in an attempt to hold my hand. As he holds my hand I can see Bambi, Chyna, Kaysha start clapping. What I'm surprised at is Greg walk over to Jax.
“I'm happy
for you man...”
Everyone else seems a little confused.
They are even more confused when I pull away from Jax. I
yank my hand away from him.
“Actually that's not going to work,” I tell Jax.
“Mario?” Jax seems confused. His hand is reached out to me at that moment desperately hoping that I'd grab it back up again.
I don't grab it.
I walk across the
VIP and make my way over to Dre.
“I'm already in love
with someone else,” I tell him...before I stick my tongue down
Dre's throat.
I don't have
time to see everyone's responses. I am hoping to block out everyone
standing behind me. It's silent. It's so silent. I think the DJ
even shut off the music at the ball at this point. I'm standing here
kissing Dre and he's kissing back. He's kissing me back and he
desperately wants it.
Just at that moment
I see Pia raise her glass, “I'll toast to that!”