Spook

Chapter 16
Déjà Vu

GOING BACK to school wasn't something that Charlie thought he'd ever be excited about . But for the past three weeks, that was all he could think about.

He drove Danny's car like a maniac and cut the usual six-hour drive to a little less than five hours... traffic and all. All the while, he was thinking about the kind of welcome he would receive from Danny as he entered their room. In his fantasies, Danny would give him a warm, excited smile. Then, he would run to him and wrap his strong arms around him tightly. And finally, he would give him a long, tender, passionate kiss... just like their first kiss.

He knew that Danny's flight was due early that morning and if it weren't for his mother, he would have left home the night before so he could be there before Danny had arrived.

He would've ran from the parking lot to his room except that he was carrying two huge bags. But he walked as fast as he could.

He quickly opened the door to his room only to be disappointed by its emptiness. Danny wasn't there yet. His closet was still empty, his side of the room was still bare.

He tossed his bags on the floor and slumped on his bed. He sighed deeply as he thought about the anti-climactic end of his excitement.

"All that for nothing," he muttered.

Doubts began to cloud his mind. "He never once called or texted the whole time," he thought. "What if he thought it was all a big mistake? What if he was just testing me back then... to find out if I'm gay?"

He knew, though, that he could never pretend to be just friends with Danny anymore. Not after that kiss. Not after everything they'd been through.

He sighed again.

His phone rang and he absent-mindedly answered it.

"Hey Charlie!" it was Rommel.

"Hey. Wazzup?"

"Uh... class schedules are out," Rommel answered. "And if you wanna get a head start for tomorrow's registration, you'd better look them up."

"Yeah, I guess you're right," he said. "Where you at?"

"FC¹."

"I'll be there in 10 minutes."

"Cool. See ya!"

Charlie got up. He couldn't spend the day wallowing and thinking of the unthinkable; he might as well do something productive, he thought.

He quickly unpacked his things and threw them in his closet. He didn't notice that the writings in his closet had changed. It didn't look like mad scribbling anymore. The symbols of the code were already discernible.

He wrote a short note to Danny in case he came in before Charlie got back. Then, he took Danny's car keys and placed it on top of the note on Danny's study table.

He felt him just before he went out of the room.

"Spook?" he called out. He looked back in the empty room and tried to feel him again. "Where are you?"

He waited for a while, but felt nothing. "I miss you," he sighed. He looked around once more before he headed out the door.

Spook appeared as soon as the door closed.

"I miss you, too," said Spook. "But I can't let you see me yet. Not until I remember everything. Not until I figure out how to make you remember as well."

THE MORNING sunshine from the window woke him up. When he first arrived in Manila three days ago after being rescued by Angela, he was so excited about seeing Charlie again. But as the days passed, dark clouds of doubt began to hover Danny's thoughts.

After all, it was he who initiated the kiss. What if Charlie was just so afraid of losing him as a friend that he just let Danny do as he pleased?

Danny thought that he shouldn't have left it hanging. He should've told Charlie everything that night. He should've confessed his true feelings. He should've asked Charlie how he felt about him, too.

He couldn't believe how deeply he had invested himself in these feelings without confirming with Charlie if there was even a chance of reciprocation. But he couldn't turn back now. He knew the moment he kissed Charlie that they could never be just friends again. He wanted him. To be with him. To love him. And he really was so deep into it now.

After his trip to Apo Gusting's, Danny did a lot of thinking.

His mother noticed his unusual silence and asked him about Abby.

"We broke up," he answered matter-of-factly.

"Is that why you seem so quiet lately?" asked his concerned mother.

"No, mom," he said. "We broke up because I fell in love with somebody else."

His hands were trembling as he continued. His eyes locked with his mother's. "I fell in love with my roommate."

"B-but your roommate is a..."

"Yes, he is," he said. "That's why I've been doing a lot of thinking lately. I'm in love with him; there's no question about that. But I have no idea how to tell him and how he would react if I did."

"B-but that w-would mean y-you're..."

"I guess I am," he said.

His mother's reaction was just stunned silence and deep worry.

His father's, however, was very different. He confiscated Danny's cellphone. Danny was grounded indefinitely. No phones. No emails. And Danny was told that he would be dropping out of UP and be enrolled in a local college instead for the next semester.

Danny fell into a deep depression, thinking that he would never see Charlie again. He thought that Charlie would probably hate him disappearing like that without any word at all.

He couldn't eat. He couldn't sleep. He couldn't even speak. He just stayed in his room crying all the time. He didn't even care if there were spirits around him, looking at him with curiosity.

He really thought his life was over. Until he heard Angela's voice outmatching his father's loud boom.

"He's not going anywhere!" he heard his father shout. "It will be a cold day in hell before I'll have a faggot for a son."

"Well, guess what," shouted Angela back. "Hell had already frozen over the day you had a bastard for a grandson. And I am not leaving here without him. And you will not stop us because you're no match for him if he decides he's had enough of your bullshit."

He got out of the room in time to see his father and Angela looking at each other with deadly rage.

"I should never have let him study in that high school and be constantly near you," he heard his father say. "You've influenced him with your... with your... your twisted lifestyle."

His father turned to look at him coldly. "If you go with her, you will never set foot in this house again."

His mother came out of nowhere and hugged him. "Go and follow your heart," she whispered in his ear before he gave him a kiss on the cheek.

He looked at his mother and nodded his head. He went in his room and began packing.

"What did you just say to that boy?" he heard his father confronting his mother.

"If he doesn't go with Angela now, I'm afraid he won't be able to last long. I'd much rather have a gay son than a dead one," she answered.

He got out a few minutes later. He kissed his mother goodbye.

"Goodbye, dad," he said to his father who had his back on him. His father didn't even move.

His little sister, Annie, came out of her room and ran to him. He hugged her tightly.

"I have to go now," he said. "I'll see you soon, okay?"

"Be hap-py," she said.

"I will," he replied smiling. "I promise."

"Let's go," Angela said after a few moments. "Bye mom. Bye Annie," she said as she gave them a hug and kissed them on the cheek.

Before they got out of the door, Angela turned around to look at their father and said, "I know you're disappointed about how Danny and I turned out, dad. But we can't live the life that you want for us; we have to live our own life the way we want to."

She paused for a while. "That doesn't mean you can't be part of it, though. It certainly doesn't mean we don't want you in it. I just hope that someday, you'll realize that no matter where we go, no matter what we do, we're still your children. And you'll always be our father. I love you no matter how crazy I think you are. I just hope you could love us back no matter how deviant you think we are."

And they were gone.

They didn't talk all the way to the airport. They didn't talk on the plane, either.

When they got to Angela's place, Tyler ran to Danny and hugged his uncle tightly. Danny knelt in front of his little nephew and hugged him back. And all the tears that he was holding back throughout the trip poured.

He didn't even notice when Angela paid the babysitter before she left. He just felt Angela's arms wrapping around both him and Tyler. She was also crying... and he cried some more.

He didn't know how long they were in that position. He didn't care. All he knew for certain was that these people loved him. Unconditionally. And he felt good about that.

"Uncle Danny," Tyler said after a while.

"Yup?" Danny said, finally breaking their embrace.

"I'm hungry," said Tyler. "Can you cook fried rice and hotdogs, just like the way Uncle Charlie did it?"

Danny smiled. "I'm not sure if I could cook it exactly the way Charlie did, but I sure would try. Okay, champ?"

"Okay," answered Tyler. "I'm glad you're back. You can sleep in my room," the little boy smiled.

"Thanks for the offer, kiddo," said Danny. "But I think I can handle being in my own room for tonight," he smiled back.

"Okay. But I'll leave my door open in case you wimp out."

"Ah," said Danny, hugging Tyler again. "You are the best nephew in the whole world!"

Then, he got up and gave Angela a tight hug. "Thanks, sis," he whispered in her ear.

He got his bags and dragged them in his room. He changed clothes before he came out of the room to cook Tyler's food.

The next couple of days, he knew Angela wanted to talk to him about Charlie.

"Mom's the one who told me, in case you were wondering," Angela said. "I called home to check up on the family and she told me what happened."

He just nodded. He didn't take the bait.

"So, have you spoken to Charlie lately?" asked Angela a few hours later.

He just shook his head. "Dad took my phone. I don't have his number anywhere else. I'll see him in two days, though."

"And are you excited?" Angela said, trying to hide her own excitement. "I've ordered a new phone for you and it'll be delivered in a while. And I do have his number, so you could probably call him later," she grinned.

Danny just smiled at her. "Sis, much as I love you, this is still really a touchy subject for me. And I don't think I'll be able to stand any teasing yet."

"I'm not teasing," Angela said defensively. Danny just gave her a look.

"I'm not!" she protested.

Angela tried to make him talk about Charlie. But the more she tried, the more he thought about it and the more he doubted that this would be a happy ending for him.

"Sure, he'll probably agree to have a relationship with me because he'll be afraid he'll lose a friend if he won't," he thought, "but will he love me the same way? Can he really fall for me as deeply as I have fallen for him?"

The answer, in his mind, was 'probably not'.

And so, instead of feeling excited, he came to dread the moment he would see Charlie again. He wanted to push it back for as long as he could.

But he knew that this would be the day. This was the day when he would need to go back to school and face Charlie.

He heard a knock before his door opened.

"Danny," Angela said as she got in the room. "You better get your big butt off the bed and get ready to go back to the dorm."

He groaned and tried to cover his face with his blanket.

He felt Angela sitting on the side of the bed and pulling the blanket off his face.

"Don't tell me you don't wanna go back to school," Angela said.

Danny felt a tear escaping his eye. He tried to hold back the rest.

"Okay, spill it," said Angela firmly. "What happened to you and Charlie before you went home? Mom said you broke up with Abby because you fell in love with Charlie, which I could've told you months ago, by the way..."

"I kissed him," Danny blurted out. "And he probably didn't like it and he probably doesn't wanna see me anymore. Or he probably just let me kiss him 'cause he didn't wanna lose me as a friend, and now he's probably blocked it out of his mind and wouldn't even wanna talk about it..."

Angela tried to hold back her smile. "Did he kiss you back?"

"Huh?"

"You gave him a kiss. Did he welcome the kiss and reciprocated, or did he try to push you away?" Angela clarified.

"H-he didn't push me away," Danny said. "H-he kinda hugged me tightly and he let me kiss him some more."

"Then what the hell are you doing here moping around?" asked Angela incredulously. "The fact that he returned your kiss, and actually held on to you tightly, should be a great vote of confidence for you."

"B-but what if..."

"Shut up with all the negativity," snapped Angela. "I know for a fact that Charlie likes you very much. I think he might even be totally in love with you. But you really should ask him. You might get a very pleasant surprise once you do."

Angela stood up and pulled his arm. "Now get up and go back to school," she said. "I don't know what he sees in you anyway. You're such a wimp," she said, smiling slyly.

"Gee, thanks for the ego boost," he said sarcastically as he got up. Then he hugged his sister and said, "Seriously, though, thanks for everything." Then he gave her a quick peck on the cheek before he grabbed his towel and went to the bathroom.

Angela smiled as she watched her brother walk out of the room. As soon as the door closed she felt the hairs on her neck rising.

"Thanks for telling me," she said as she faced the visitor.

"We have to look out for him, don't we?" answered the spirit. She smiled as she looked at the familiar face of her grandfather.

She rarely saw her grandfather when he was alive, but they were always communicating. Her grandfather would always visit her in her dreams since she was a child, and he would always give her advice. She didn't see spirits and other creatures the way Danny did, but she was clairvoyant. She could also feel what other people feel.

When Danny started to have problems with the spirits around them, her grandfather told her in a dream that the protection he created for Danny wasn't enough anymore. He told her to take Danny to Apo Gusting, and she did.

Even after her grandfather died, he would still appear to her. This time, he didn't have to appear in dreams anymore. He just popped up from time to time to warn her or to advise her whenever she needed it.

Lately, her grandfather had been showing up a lot. And his main concern was always Danny. She was alarmed when her grandfather told her that she needed to call her mother immediately and ask about Danny. She knew something was very wrong. She immediately bought tickets to Davao and called Tyler's babysitter when her mother told her what happened.

Her heart broke when she saw Danny emerge from his room. He just looked so empty and defeated. She couldn't bear to see Danny like that.

"He's so strong when he's with Charlie, grandpa," she said. "But he becomes almost powerless without him or when he's doubting their connection."

"He needs to stay strong if he is to survive," said the spirit. "A great, ancient spirit is trying to break free from hell and I'm afraid it might succeed very soon."

"Do I need to be afraid for Tyler?"

"Your son has yet to manifest any special abilities. He should be safe from the onslaught. At least at the beginning," the spirit answered.

"What about me?" asked Angela.

"The Ancient will go for the strongest source of energy," replied the spirit. "If Danny fails to stop it, we're all doomed anyway."

"His love for this boy makes him strong," continued the spirit. "Danny would need him to be by his side when the time comes."

"I don't think that would be a problem, if my reading of Charlie's heart and mind was right," said Angela. "And I have never been wrong," she smiled.

The spirit smiled back at her. Then, he turned serious again. "There is a threat, though. I can feel it."

"Another spirit?"

The spirit nodded. "Somebody from that boy's past."

DANNY breathed deeply before he stuck the key into the hole. He sighed with relief when he saw that the room was empty.

Charlie's empty bags were on the floor. He saw his car keys on his study table, on top of Charlie's note.

He took the keys and read the note.

I just went out to see the class scheds. I'll be back real soon.

There was a small curved line after that. It looked like Charlie wanted to add something else, but decided against it at the last minute.

Danny didn't know whether he should take it as a positive sign or not.

"On one hand, he doesn't seem pissed," he thought. "On the other, the note seems so casual... totally non-intimate."

He sighed again.

"I better go and look at the schedules, too," he thought.

He dropped his bag on his bed and headed out the door.

He was on his way to the AS lobby when he spotted Charlie. He was nervous. But seeing Charlie again made him feel immeasurable happiness. A huge smile crept across his face as he made his way through the ocean of students.

"Charlie!" he called out when he was only a few feet away from him.

"Danny!" Charlie's eyes lit up when he saw him.

Danny wanted to run to him and hold him and kiss him. But then Rommel popped out from behind Charlie, which made Danny realize that they weren't alone. He consciously and excruciatingly tried to curb his excitement down.

He gave Charlie a small slap on the shoulder and said, "I just have to look at the schedules and then I'll see you in our room, okay? Hang later?"

"Uh... o-okay. Cool," said Charlie.

Danny took off, leaving Charlie in silence, not knowing what to think.

"He couldn't possibly have forgotten what happened between us, could he?" Charlie thought to himself. "So why was he so... casual?"

"Earth to Charlie," he heard Rommel say.

"Uh... sorry," said Charlie. "What were you saying?"

"Man, you totally zoned out on me," said Rommel with discernible pain in his voice. "I uh, I was just wondering what you think about the letter I gave you."

"Letter?"

"You know, the letter I gave you before the sem break," said Rommel.

"Oh, that," said Charlie finally realizing what Rommel was talking about. "I'm sorry, man. I didn't get the chance to decode it."

Rommel felt like he was stabbed in the heart. And it showed in his expression.

"I'm really sorry," Charlie continued, feeling guilty when he saw Rommel's pained face. "I'll uh... I'll decode it now. Won't take two minutes, I promise."

"You know what," snapped Rommel. "Forget about it. It's not really important anymore. I know exactly how you'd react to it, judging by your reaction when you saw Danny. I never should've even tried."

Then Rommel walked off, leaving Charlie alone.

"What the hell did I do now?" he asked himself. But he really couldn't think about Rommel's woes for now.

His thoughts were full of Danny. Only of Danny.

And the more he thought about Danny's greeting -- so casual and devoid of any intimacy -- the more he entertained his doubts. Maybe it really was just a mistake for him that he just wanted to forget about now.

He walked home feeling down. As he came near the dorm, he decided he wouldn't be able to stand living with Danny in the same room and not be with him. He couldn't. It would kill him.

When he got into their room, he opened his closet, grabbed his things and shoved it again in his bags one by one. Tears were falling on his cheeks as he packed.

He was zipping his bags when the door burst open.

"Hey! I'm so glad you're here," Danny said excitedly as he closed the door. Then he noticed that Charlie had packed his things again. "What are you doing?" he asked, alarmed.

"I'm leaving," said Charlie, not looking at him.

"You're what?" Danny couldn't seem to process what Charlie was saying. "Oh my God! This is it. He doesn't wanna see me anymore," he thought.

"I can't do this anymore," continued Charlie.

"D-do what?" asked Danny.

"Pretend that we're just friends," replied Charlie. He breathed deeply before he looked Danny directly in the eye and said, "We kissed, Danny. I dunno about you, but I don't kiss my friends like that. Hell, I've never kissed anybody like that, ever."

Danny was stunned. "I uh... W-what... I mean... uh..." he stuttered.

"I'm in love with you, Danny," Charlie continued. "I've been in love with you since the first day we've met. And it just keeps on growing every single day. And I can't stand it anymore. I can't be in the same room with you and pretend that we're just best friends when in my heart I know that I wanna be with you."

Danny just stood there in shock as Charlie said the exact same things that he wanted to tell him.

"D-do you love me?" he heard Charlie say.

"Huh? I uh..." Danny still couldn't find the right words to say. He saw tears in Charlie's eyes and he felt overwhelming love for the boy. If only he could put into words exactly how he felt...

"Please tell me you love me," Charlie pleaded.

But Danny still couldn't manage to speak up. He just stared at Charlie whose tears began to well up again. His mind was overwhelmed with millions of thoughts and emotions at that moment.

Charlie breathed deeply and sucked up the tears. His face hardened as he said, "Don't come after me. Don't look for me. Forget that I ever existed. Because that's what I'll do. From now on, you don't exist to me anymore."

Charlie started to walk past Danny towards the door. At that moment, Danny came out of his shock. He grabbed Charlie and wrapped both his arms around him in a tight embrace.

"You're not going anywhere," he whispered in Charlie's ear. "I'm not gonna let you."

Charlie began to weep again on his shoulders.

Danny broke the hug, cupped Charlie's face with his hands and looked him straight in the eye.

"I don't kiss my friends like that, either," he said. "And I know I've been pretty slow in realizing it, but I've also been in love with you for a long time now. Probably a couple of hours after you fell in love with me," he smiled.

Charlie began to feel elated as he felt the truth in Danny's words. He couldn't help but chuckle a bit at Danny's last remark.

Then, Danny kissed him again. Tender and passionate. He wrapped his arms on the small of Danny's back as he returned the kiss with passion and longing.

Time seemed to stand still. And nothing else in the world mattered anymore. All he was aware of was the softness of Danny's lips... the sweetness of Danny's tongue darting in and out of his mouth... Danny's hand on the back of his neck and arm on his back, squeezing him tightly... and Danny's warm body against him.

"I love you so much," whispered Danny in his ear after they broke the kiss.

He chuckled.

Danny looked at him, smiling. "What?" he asked.

"Nothing," Charlie said, smiling back. "It's just that, while I was walking back thinking about what I was gonna do up to the point when I was about to leave the room, I felt like it was a familiar scene... like I'd already done it before... as if I'd already said those words before... like I was following a script or something. In fact, I felt like I knew exactly what you're gonna say and how you'd react. And I knew exactly what I'm gonna feel and how it would end."

Charlie gave Danny a small kiss on the lips before he continued. "But at the last moment, you didn't follow the script. You didn't let me go like you're supposed to. And you told me you loved me."

"Well, I do," replied Danny. "I always have. I was actually desperately trying to think of the right words to tell you. I should've told you everything before I left for the break. I shouldn't have left it hanging like that."

"But what about Abby?" Charlie suddenly turned solemn.

"She broke up with me that night when she realized that I'm in love with you," said Danny.

Charlie felt guilty and it showed on his face. Danny noticed it.

"Hey," he said. "Don't feel guilty about it. She's not angry or anything. If anybody should feel guilty, it should be me. I should've told her the truth a long time ago. But I was too stubborn to admit to myself that I had fallen for you and that it was over between me and Abby." He kissed Charlie again.

"It's all good," continued Danny. "She's cool with it. And I don't have to tell you how much Angela had been pushing me to admit it. She knew something was up the first time I brought you there. And Tyler really loves you."

"What about the rest of your family?" asked Charlie.

"Well, my mom is trying to deal with it. Annie doesn't really care; she just wants me to be happy. I don't think Conrad knows about it yet, although I suspect somebody would tell him soon enough. And... my dad had disowned me," Danny said sadly.

"I'm... I'm sorry," said Charlie.

Danny looked at him and kissed him again. "Don't be. It's not your fault."

"Well, I've told my grandma about you," Charlie volunteered. "And I think she loves you already. Wait till you meet her."

"And the rest of your family?" asked Danny.

"I uh... I haven't told them yet," Charlie said.

"No pressure, okay?" said Danny. "Do it on your own time."

"I'll tell them soon," assured Charlie. "I promise."

They kissed again. Longer... more passionate.

"I could get used to this," Charlie smiled.

"Me too," answered Danny. "But we gotta stop. Joseph's gonna be up here any minute. I saw him arriving when I came in and he said he was just gonna unpack."

"I don't think he'll be shocked to see us kissing," Charlie teased.

"Maybe not," Danny teased back as he slid his hands down to Charlie's butt. "But if we keep this up, I don't think we're gonna be just kissing."

Charlie giggled. "Save some for tonight, then?" he smiled naughtily.

"Oh, bet on it."

¹ Faculty Center, officially. There's also a Fucking Center, which is a different place and a totally unofficial name. Haha! back