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The longer I spent as this creature, the longer I realized that as a human I had not really lived. Truth was I didn't believe vampires were the "undead". I mean in a sense we had died. In a sense our life force had been taken away from us. But I believed we were born again. You know. We were born under something new, under something different.
The first time, I must have not done it right. I didn't kiss long enough. I didn't love at all. I didn't appreciate things. When you lose everything you start to realize things you've taken forgranted. The time I spent complaining that it was too cold outside. Bullshit. I should have been spending time staring at the sun. I should have spent time just looking at it and all it's beauty. I should have been trying to instill a more clear view of how a rainbow looked like. I should have remembered how people seemed to smile more during the day time.
I should have remembered that people were less afraid during the daytime.
"It'll be ok, Arie won't be in too much trouble," Roxanne stated.
She could tell I was worrying.
We were sitting outside of the hall that Decadence usually resided within the warehouse. It was a dark hall lit by nothing but a single torch and blocked off by a huge burgundy steel door. Arie and Giovanni had been called in there earlier in the day. It was clear that Decadence was angry at them about what happened.
"Arie was just...protecting me."
"He should have never took you out of the warehouse. You are far too young. You have urges, you know. Giovanni told me about your...experience. Usually we try to hold off a killing for as long as we can."
Fuck. Giovanni could betray me so easily and tell someone else something that I told him in privacy. It was personal. I looked down ashamed. Ever had sex with someone you regretted having sex with. Imagine cheating on a lover. The dirty feeling you sometimes get afterwards. It was the best way to describe how it felt killing that cab driver. I acted on something so primitive to fulfill a desire and there was a regret. But I knew, nonetheless, that put in that same predicament, I'd do the same thing again.
"It's not his fault. I asked him to."
"I can see you two are getting a little too close than Decadence would like," Roxanne stated and laughed uneasily, "They are lovers...remember?"
I sighed heavily, "How could I forget?"
"He likes you though. He got himself in a heap of trouble. As well as the rest of us. I guess it wasn't only his fault, hence Giovanni being in there."
"What did he want with Giovanni?"
"Well Giovanni left us for a period in the past. He joined a group of vampires that called themselves the Sacrilege. They went against the church trying to get rid of all the rules that the church has in place. They are trying to bring back the old vampire, the one feared by humans. They are trying bring us back out of hiding. It's been so long that we have become a myth to the humans."
"What happened to the group?"
"Most were brought to justice. Giovanni happened to be one that got to his senses and left the group just in time. I assumed it was just a matter of time before the Dark Church came looking for him. Now it's just a matter of time before they come looking for the rest of us too."
She looked down.
She didn't seem too upset or worried about it. She wasn't like David. There may have been fear there. I didn't know at the time. There was one thing I'd come to learn about Roxanne. She was able to control her body in ways that none of us in the brood were quite capable of doing...even Decadence for that matter. She was stronger...she seemed...wiser.
She and I waited in that hallway. She told me stories about her days in Europe. Decadence and her had originated from the United Kingdom. They'd met great people back in their day all though I was far from being a good history accountant. There was always such a wonder in her eyes as she spoke though. At least she was interested in the events of the past.
It was almost an hour before Giovanni came out.
He walked over to us and smiled, "You guys wouldn't happen to have seen David have you?"
When we shook our head, he smiled again, almost like there was nothing to be done about it and disappeared as quickly as he usually did...drifting away into the shadows that he seemed to love so much.
Several seconds after he left, Arie followed. He was clearly more bothered then Giovanni. He didn't smile for one. He didn't even give me any eye contact when he stepped out of the room.
"Are you feeling ok?" I asked him, "Have your wounds healed?
That guy hit you pretty rough."
He nodded, "I'll be fine. Vampires just need rest. We heal from everything. I'll head to bed."
"Well good, I was getting a little sleepy."
I looked up at his face. Arie still wasn't looking at me. He was looking away. I could tell the situation was a little more intense then I was first perceiving by how Roxanne seemed to slip away unnoticed until she was gone.
It was just Arie and I in the dark hallway.
"Decadence would like to speak to you in private," he stated, "Besides, I am not your maker. I can pretend but I'm not. It isn't right for you and I to sleep closely, you know. Vampires all need their own space. You can have the attic loft. I've already found another place to sleep."
It was too late. He was already walking away still without giving me much eye contact at all. I could hear his old footsteps drifting off into the darkness.
It was really gloomy. Had I done something wrong to him? Had there been something that I missed throughout all this? Just when I thought we were getting close and making a connection or some type of friend or at least brotherly bond, he goes and pulls the stranger card. And once again he withdraws into himself.
I look over at Decadence's door. I walk over.
I have to admit, I'm a little scared. I know I'm a vampire, but the idea of being alone with someone so old, so ancient scares the daylights out of me. The idea that she was also so much more powerful than I was scared me even more.
"Come in," she stated.
I walked into the room. She was standing there with a candle stick. It wasn't the first time that I'd seen her use the candle stick. It was clear that this warehouse was extremely dark. It wouldn't be such a bad idea to have a flashlight or something. However her candle stick seemed so strange and ancient as well. She didn't mind if the wax dripped over her fingers, which it seldom did as she held it.
"Decadence, first of all I'd like to apologize," I started as soon as I got the chance.
Her quarters were colder than the rest of the area. The only light came from her single lit candle stick although she had several sticks piled up against the stacked wall shelves. Vampires didn't sleep in coffins...at least not anymore. She had a bed there in this room. It was rather large and Victorian. Long drapes drifted along the floor and almost turned themselves into the rug.
She sat now at a table in the center of the room. Her extra long legs crossed one over the other. Decadence was attractive in a way and in some ways she wasn't. In certain lights her nose seemed much too big for her face, yet in other lights it seemed to structure her face remarkably. It was always a perception of lightness and darkness with her. How the light hit her was so important.
She completely ignored my statement, "I've lived for more years then I'd admit to knowing for certain. After a while counting becomes rather tedious. And I've protected this brood for many years as well. It seems today I have failed."
"No it's all my fault."
"I've encountered many vampires but none exudes your potent aroma. I can sense it when you enter. It is like catnip for vamipres. You'd think all these years of playing the role of protector, I'd be able to acknowledge a problem when it was coming. You are a problem."
I put my head down as she stated it.
I felt like the inevitable was coming.
She'd ask me to leave. But where
would I go? The only one who'd take me was Carter.
How would he understand that I could
only be out in the darkness? How
could he comprehend that I had to kill people in order to survive.
What if I attacked him?
"I have no where to go," I stated to her.
"Yes I assumed that," she replied, "However, I must protect my bloodline and you are not it."
"I am not going to completely abandon you."
"Not so fast," she sternly added, leaning forward, "You will grow stronger, learn how to live as a vampire and then you must depart. You can't stay in this brood. I don't wish to sound too fierce, but you will leave when I say. You must understand this to the highest degree, because if you any other member of my bloodline grief I will have to kill you myself. And that will strongly upset Arie."
As she stated Arie's name our eyes connected. There were some things that humans carried that you never forgot. A vampire's words were sometimes stale and lacked emotions but other times they could fix there words with emotions just like humans. Decadence managed to do so just now. Arie's name had emotion when she used it and it was one that both of us could understand.
The tension as thick...
"I'll leave as soon as you say so," I stated, trying to bring the concept less off of Arie and more onto the real subject of things.
"You like him?" she asked me.
"Platonically speaking I admire him."
"Not platonically speaking. Don't forget you are still just a toddler...no, you are still just an embryo to me. Don't play mind games with me. I wouldn't bother you with platonic speech. I am talking about infatuation. Do you understand what I mean?"
She couldn't read my thoughts. I was sure of it. Or maybe she could. Hell who knew exactly what these PEOPLE could do. I began to think about other things just in case. I thought about clouds. I thought about birds...
"Very sexual attraction. You wish to make love to him. You probably hope that one day he may love you. Hell the idea of a vampire's open sexuality probably turns you on. Do you want me to put it any simpler. You want to fuck him."
She raised an eyebrow.
I looked back at her. She was challenging me in all ways to deny the claim once more. She couldn't read my mind in the literal sense, but she seemed to have had so much experience with the matter of love that she felt she could.
But was she right. I didn't know what my connection exactly was to Arie. All I knew was that I was connected to him. Maybe she was right, maybe she was wrong. However right now she seemed less than willing to admit being wrong.
I obliged her, "Yes I would like all those things with Arie."
She nodded, not really moved at all by my expression. Decadence out of all the vampires I'd ever meet was the most...seemingly emotionless at times. It was as though at times she was void of a soul completely. Perhaps it had gotten robbed of her.
"You may seek your passion. While you are hear."
My face wrinkled up.
"You heard me. You may seek what you want from him. Don't get me wrong, I am very protective of him and I love him very much. However I know that true love cannot be forced. Something about you intrigues him and if I block that, it will intrigue him even more. Men are similar to dogs at times. He has to sniff you out, see that you are nothing and return to the nest."
"You're right," I stated.
She wasn't. She was crazy. I wasn't going to pursue anything with him. And the nerve of her to say that I was nothing. I wasn't going to give her the pleasure of proving herself right.
I wasn't going to let her know that however.
"You'd better keep your ears up and you'd better learn. Your time may be limited. You may be alone tomorrow for all we know. Roxanne seems to catch to you too. I suggest you find guidance from her. Go to sleep now. The sun is quickly approaching."
Decadence's words had hit me harder then I'd like to admit. She didn't see like the type of person to intentionally try to hurt someone's feelings. That wasn't exactly what she seemed like she was about. She seemed more like a cold calculator. She seemed to be skilled at saying things only to get to some pre-assessed means.
It did hurt though. It hurt like all hell. Just the idea that I was finally finding some type of family for once. To see them all gathered around fighting for something that I may have caused by my mere existence. It was strong.
However when the light comes you almost forget all of that stuff. I don't sleep the same as a vampire. As a vampire you don't dream. You just black out and it seems like only a short while before you are up again.
It seems like nothing when you open your eyes to your new day's horror.
"I should kill him. I should kill him now. It would be so easy."
The stake was at my heart. I could move, but what if he drove it into my heart. Sweat rolled down the side of my cheek. I was afraid. I couldn't lie. I was petrified really.
"David put it down."
The voice was Giovanni's. He stood slightly behind David. David had the stake to my heart as I woke up out of my trance in Arie's old room. The way he stated how easy it would be was haunting, because he was right. I hadn't even been able to tell he had entered the room. Who knew how long he had been over me, plotting and wondering.
"Please, listen to him," I stated.
"He's up," David replied, "Our dark gift. Does it hurt you Giovanni? If I stabbed him now would you cry to me?"
"I could care less what you do to him," Giovanni replied, smiling and then laughing a bit, "I mean he is a cutie but hell kill him or do whatever you'd like."
"I think you do. I'll call your bluff."
David drove at the stake a little harder. He wasn't joking. He was serious. The pressure was slightly already pressuring me. He needed to just put a little more weight on it to drive it through my chest cavity.
Giovanni seemed so heartless at the moment. How could he be so calm with David about to kill me? How could he just not care at all?
"All I'm saying is I don't want to hear Deca's mouth when Arie is whining about how his new boytoy was hacked by mean old David for an eternity."
"Eternity has been shortened, incalculably so by our new friend here," Giovanni stated, "They are coming. We killed a member of Emporio's furious five. It's only a matter of time before we are gone. Just like the Sacrilege."
Giovanni seemed frustrated when David brought it up, "Don't fucking speak of the Sacrilege. What the hell do you know? Following all these damn rules. Wait until she comes. She'll l teach us all the way."
Who was she?
The way David's eyes gleamed up however it was clear that Giovanni was pushing at some sort of boundary. Giovanni seemed like the type however. He seemed like he was used to crossing people...pushing people's boundaries.
"Don't say things like that out loud."
"Or what? The furious ones will hunt me? Oh...no, remember they already are..."
David let go of the stake and let it fall on me. He looked at me coldly, silently, "Watch yourself young one. If it wasn't for my respect of Decadence you'd be gone by now. It seems everyone has fallen victim to your aroma. Not me..."
The warning was cold and immediate. He knew that I was afraid of him and he seemed to like it. I watched as he took out the brush in his hair and fixed himself as though regaining his own composure before walking out of the room...not giving Giovanni another look.
I got out of bed wheezing.
I didn't know how much longer I could take this. I didn't know how much longer it seemed like I was struggling for my own life. What was my crime? What had I done?
"Oh calm down, you're being dramatic just like him..."
"Dramatic? Dramatic! You're boyfriend was about to kill me!"
I got up out of the bed and walked. I didn't know where I was going. I just had to get away. I had to get some fresh air or something. I found myself climbing down the ladder quickly. I had to get out of here.
Truth was I wasn't so sure about how to get out of the warehouse.
It was always so dark, so gloomy.
The ceiling was so high that I couldn't
see the top. The hallways seemed
endless and pointless space was everywhere.
Why did so few vampires need so much
I found myself walking to the front door when I felt his hand.
I hadn't even known he had followed me. Giovanni was so stealthy and so very quiet when he moved. He held onto my hand and when I pulled it away from him, he got aggressive, using both hands to pin me onto the nearby wall.
"I was here for you, wasn't I?" he stated in a low voice that reminded me more of a hissing.
His presence swallowed me completely. His eyes consumed mine as his nose drifted all over my body. I felt so on edge as his nose smelled my neck, taking long and hard hauls as though to get my smell completely into him. Then he licked me. His tongue was so...so...wet.
I felt my dick get a hard on almost immediately as his tongue worked it's way to my adam's apple slowly. His hands still pinned me down.
"Stop it, please," I stated.
I didn't know if I meant it. It felt so good that my eyes had rolled into the back of my head. He pressed his body up against mine. He was hard as well. In this dark hallway it seemed as though we were about to have sex, just then and there. And he seemed all for it.
"You smell so good. I would never let him hurt you."
"Bullshit," I stated, pulling away, managing to finally let my anger get the best of me, "You could care less. I heard how nonchalant you were. You didn't even physically remove him!"
He laughed amused by my anger. I started to walk away again. I couldn't take the fact that he didn't find this serious. Everything seemed like one endless joke to him.
He came out of no where, like before. I expected it this time, but it was pointless to resist. Both his hands grabbed around mine. They pinned me together.
"David is all talk," Giovanni stated, "He listens to Decadence more than
any of the rest of us. He wouldn't
go against her. She would be upset
if he was to kill you. He is just
bluffing. If I thought you were in any real danger.
I would save you."
"I don't believe you," I challenged him, "I can't trust a word you say. I know a liar when I see one."
He smiled at this.
"Ok, I may lie. You are right about that," he replied boldly, "But I'm probably your only friend right now. Decadence told us that she was banishing you after you became strong enough to kill on your own...isn't that so sad...to be alone?"
I stopped struggling.
I hated the idea truthfully. He was right. I looked to him. I looked into his eyes assessing him as best as I could. He was such a strange guy. He was a trickster and I knew it but I wondered even further why he had taken such an interest in me.
"How are you my friend?"
"I can teach you."
"Decadence told me I should look to Roxanne to teach me."
"I can teach you much more then Roxanne can. You see Roxanne even in her idea of forever remaining young and active is limited. They live within their own boundaries. I remove those boundaries for you."
"And information. Would you tell me that? If I asked you who someone was and it was someone that everyone was afraid to speak of...what would you do?"
A mischievous smile rose on his face.
It was like at times the devil himself was spread across Giovanni. His youthful face had a thin yet curvy lips parted across it. He stretched both hands over his hairless head and stretched happily.
"Are you sure you'd be ready to hear it?"
"I don't know."
"Well be careful what you ask, because we can go deep," he stated taking a step closer, "In multiple ways."
"One step at a time," I stated taking a step back, "The last thing I want is your jealous boyfriend sneaking up on me."
"You want me to get rid of him for you. He's beautiful don't get me wrong. He's more beautiful then you are physically. But there is something about your smell...who made you?"
"I don't remember."
"I am telling the truth. I don't remember."
I couldn't tell him yet. It was hard to trust someone who seemed so sneaky and conniving as Giovanni. It was hard to let it all out. I wondered if I was making a mistake letting him get so close, but he seemed so eager to approach all the time. It felt like he had been watching me at times that I didn't even know anyone was there.
"Bullshit," he stated, whispering and smiling eagerly, "But it's understandable bullshit. You can tell a lot by a person by who gave them the Dark Gift. Are you ready to begin your training?"
"Fine. However in order to begin you must first understand two things. Now that you have agreed to let me teach you, you will agree to learn until I have nothing left to teach you. Thanks to the two of us, we may not have much time for you to learn the basics until the Dark Church come looking for us."
That was how it had begun. Just like that weeks started to go by. They were relatively quiet weeks. I saw more and more of Giovanni and less and less of everyone else. Giovanni always spoke in silent words as though always talking about things that he knew he shouldn't but they weren't really nothing major.
The first thing he taught me was how to kill. Well it seemed like everything was secret. He kept whispering about letting me kill soon as though I had some hidden desire to know what it was like. And then he'd say strange things like I had to make love to the neck. He'd say it was an experience that would last me forever.
He showed me the areas of the neck.
And as weeks went by, I realized the more he spoke of it, the more I wanted to experience it. I was beginning to forget the cab driver. I was beginning to long for the feeling one more time. He pointed at the veins on his own neck, showing me them clearly.
"And here and here," he would state, taking my finger and physically putting them on the veins on his neck and then my own, "Remember...here and here. The others will teach you what kills them faster, but I will teach you how to get the most blood. Shh, don't let anyone know, but the struggle is what matters the most."
He'd say things like that and then begin to snicker to himself as though it was the sneakiest secret in the world. He was such a strange man and yet I had to admit, I found him so amazingly sexy at times.
An hour before morning he would sneak off to David's room. He wouldn't say goodnight. His eyes would watch me as he left. And David would always seem so unhappy until Giovanni came in.
And that was when I heard it.
It was a symphony that David created every single day. His moans of ecstacy seemed to create such luscious music. You never really heard Giovanni, only David. You could only hear him enjoying Giovanni in unimaginable ways.
I found myself outside their bedroom many nights, listening, wanting so badly to join in. It was a primal instinct. I didn't quite know how to explain it.
And what at first was a pleasure soon became an addiction. I found myself lured to listening to Giovanni make love to David every single day. And for an entire hour, David would perform this beautiful serenade and then there would be complete silence.
"Did you enjoy yourself?"
Giovanni asked me one night after the serenade had ended. He had come to my room. It was always morning by this time but Giovanni always was a late sleeper. He walked slowly. He had a robe on but it was clear that he was naked underneath. He wasn't even trying to hide the fact that he was naked underneath.
As a matter of fact he sat in his chair and his legs spread apart. From the separation in his robe, I could see his penis there. It sat on his leg. He had a long penis, that folded over the curve of his leg. It was extremely long in fact and slightly thin. The shaft had veins in it.
"I don't know what you mean?"
"Oh don't worry," he replied, "I know you listen in. It's part of your training of course. A vampire is a creature of passion. Have you ever biten into the veins on a dick before? Of course not. Arie wouldn't share how good that feels. Hell Roxanne wouldn't. The blood is different. Would you like to experience it?"
He opened up his robe even more. His dick was now in all its glory. His muscular legs were spread wide apart. His thick thighs separated and his dick sat in very thin bush of hair in his pubic region.
And for the moment it seemed like that was all I needed to hear. I found myself almost attacking him. My body seemed so angry and so excited. I rushed over to his dick, my mouth engulfing it completely. This wasn't me. Yet it was really besides the fact.
I found myself sucking, biting, teasing. And there was blood. And he was right. A part of me regretted the fact that he was right because I knew it was something that could be addicting as well. And Giovanni did moan. Giovanni called out and panted. He whimpered over and over. And I moaned.
And it was the guiltiest pleasure that I had ever experienced in either lifetime.
I could feel myself being woken up by someone. I looked over to see Arie. He didn't look happy. I looked on the other side of me. Fuck. It was Giovanni in all his glory. We were both naked, hugged up in between one another.
Arie dragged me out of the room, his strength not gently overwhelming like Giovanni was. He was forceful. He was angry.
He pulled me out of the room into the hallway. He didn't say anything at first. His face was just frowned up and his fangs were showing.
"Have you lost your mind?"
"Arie why are you speaking to me like this?"
"Because you are a fool. You are banned from seeing him. Do you understand? Do you see how Decadence looks at you suspiciously now? You are learning the dead ways from him. Vampires aren't like that anymore. You MADE LOVE TO HIM!"
I couldn't believe he was acting like such a spas. For a minute I was offended but then something of a smile spread across my face.
"What? You find this funny. You are getting just like him. I see it already. I come to check on you every night before you wake and could you imagine my face to see you sprawled with him. David will kill you if he finds out."
"Aw, you're jealous."
I smiled again and I laughed.
It was cute. It was cute seeing Arie like this. The way his face gathered force when he spoke. The way he was speaking to me and shaking me as though trying to engrain his own logic into my brain. The way he shook me as though trying to make see something.
"What? No. I am not jealous. This isn't acceptable, you understand. I am looking out for Decadence's best interest. She'd be upset. Or no...no, I'm trying to restrain Giovanni. I can't have him spreading his poison to others. Well I don't know. It's sad to see someone...ugh! It doesn't matter why! You are acting like a fool!"
He was denying it. I didn't understand. It was so damn obvious to see. It was so obvious to see in the way he was moving. He hadn't had time to think about what he was going to say. It was obvious by how he was jumping around so much. It was complete and utter passion
"Don't give me that crap," I replied immediately, turning to walk away.
I was walking away fast and unlike when Giovanni did it, I could sense Arie following me. He reached over and grabbed me hard pulling me back.
"Please, what do you want me to say?" he stated, "Seriously. Let me know what you want me to say."
"If I have to tell you ...then you shouldn't say it."
He paused. He stopped looking me in my eyes. Arie was good for avoiding eye contact when he seemed embarrassed about a situation. He was beautiful none-the-less when he did it. His long hair was pulled back and shaped up so perfectly every time I saw it. I never saw him with a razor. That wasn't needed. It was like he was immortally perfect for all time.
He shook his head.
I turned away, "I understand."
He grabbed me by my arm and this time turned me even more violently then before, "Why the fuck are you walking away all the time, little one. I'm your elder. You have to respect me."
"For you to say what? You seem afraid to say something. You don't want me with Giovanni but you don't have a reason. If you are worried about the embarrassment of your brood then that isn't really nothing I should worry about. I am not in your brood and YOU didn't turn me into a vampire. Remember?"
"You know that isn't what it is."
"Then tell me."
"You're being difficult," he replied.
It was simple but it seemed understandable. He was jealous. He wouldn't say it but I knew he was and he knew that I knew he was. I wasn't sure what kept him from telling me. Maybe it was his relationship with Deca. Maybe it was the fact that he didn't completely understand me and why I smelled the way I smelled. Maybe it was simply just his inexperience with the matter of jealousy. I wasn't sure but he was struggling with it.
"Ok, fine. You don't want me to be around Giovanni, give me an alternative and I'll consider it."
"I will teach you."
"You won't teach me the things that he will teach me."
"You don't need to know the things he will teach you."
"There are some things that I want to know that he will tell me and you won't."
He rolled his eyes, "If I agree to teach you everything you want to know will you completely stop learning from him?"
"Yes. But will you teach me anything I want to know."
"If you do."
We laughed at that moment. The wordplay was becoming intense. Our intentions were becoming intense and it seemed like he read my mind when he felt the same thing that I felt.
And then all of a sudden my smile left my face.
I looked over at him, "I need to know something."
He took a step closer, "What is it?"
"I want to know who Li---I want to know about that person that I shouldn't name. You know who I'm talking about. I was going to ask Giovanni, but...I trust you more with telling me."
He got quiet for a minute. I could see him struggling with it. I could see him digging into his self looking for some answer to what he was about to do.
"Fine...follow me. We'll take a trip to the library."