Date: Mon, 8 Mar 2004 03:19:44 -0500 From: My_Good_Boy_Jack@yahoo.com Subject: These Passions I Pray: Prologue: Part 1: Orane Being free to make a personal copy, no copy of this manuscript may be published, copied, posted to another website, or otherwise distributed without express permission from the author. The contents of this story are fictional. Any resemblance of the characters to any other persons is strictly coincidental. This story does contain brief sexual encounters between consenting males. If this bothers you then please read no further. This story gets off to a slow start, don't read this with the intent of a "quick fix". This is an in depth story that has approx. 4 years behind it. In this time it has gone through many incarnations and is finnally ready to be tested by you the reader. All comments and suggestions are welcomed and should be sent to me @ My_Good_Boy_Jack@yahoo.com ------------------------------------------------------------------------------- So different, he was. Beautiful, the most beautiful thing i had ever laid eyes on. His short dark hair, his dark complextion, and those striking blue eyes, serene as paradise itself. His strong, full lips, soft as delicate fluffy snow that would fall on an early winter's night. My best friend ever, I loved him, I was in love with him. Julian stood about 5'11", he towered over me. I can still see him, how he would lean over me and look down in my eyes, he loved me too, i was his best friend indeed, well ... one of his best friends. Orane, as they call me, well thats the name my parents saw fitting for me. How was I too know the misery my very being would errupt fourth. I am going to die when I'm only eightteen years of age. I was born here in Lannion, tucked inside the gentle shores of britange, France that is. We were all born here, well except him. Luc was different than Julian. His hair was short, but a little wavy, and it was a dark blonde. His eyes glew amber, a brilliant yellow that got brighter in the late summer. He was only a little taller than me, standing at about 5'7". Julian and I met him when we were only eleven years of age. He had no friends, and frankly neither did we. We grew up together, all three of us. In school we kept to ourselves, however sometimes, Julian and Luc would often times keep to themselves. I got jealous. In love with Julian, i couldnt see why he often time seemed to ignore my feelings, well i guess i couldnt understand then, but now, now its different. I used to stay up all night, alone in my bed, tears in my eyes, waiting for the day that He would wrap his arms around me, like he always did, but unlike usual he would reach down and kiss me. I dont mean like a peck, like I had done with both of them growing up, but rather I wanted a moment, I wanted to feel his breathe inside me, I wanted to grab a hold of his soul and never let go. Julian came from a fairly wealthy family. His parents despised that he opted to socialize with the scum, that they considered Luc and myself. They often would set him up on "play dates" with other young men, young wealthy men, that his parents saw fitting for their son's friendship. Always Julian would come back to us, wanting nothing to do with the other kids, he would tell us how we were the only friends he would ever want. Luc came from what i guess one would call a disadvantaged family. When he was only a child, his parents had died. With no other option he was sent here to live with his aunt and uncle who had enough difficulties taking care of themselves and their son. Now Luc was just a burden on top of this, and they often times treated him like just that...a burden. This was all around the time that we came too know him. Luc was shy then, he didnt like talking much about what happened with his parents, and honestly it didnt seem that his aunt and uncle seemed to care when they noticed his only memories fleeing. I do feel bad for him, but he doesnt want my pity. He often thinks i pity him, but thats not it at all. I just seem to relate to his misery. As for my family, well I dont really like talking about my family. My father worked alot. When he was home, he was abusive... verbally and physically, too my mother and my sisters and I. Four of us there were, four beautiful girls that resembled our mother. We all had her fine, long, fair hair. I Still remember how mother used to sit for hours braiding, twisting, and just combing our hair. The majority of my time however went to Julian and Luc whom i made my make shift family. Often times we would just lay there next to each other, as long as we didnt have to be at home dealing with issues that werent our fault, nor in our power to fix. My parents often told me I needed girlfriends, but i honestly never liked girls. I wanted adventure in my life, and thats what i got. I never did have any girlfriends. As a matter of fact I never had any friends except Julian and Luc. When it started, Im not honestly sure. I assume it was the summer My family and I had stayed with family in the valley. I hadnt seen them all summer and when i came back they were more distant than usual. This was when we were about fourteen. I never honestly found out what had been going on until I was sixteen, I died less than a year later. Never could I have suspected it. Being so in love, I suppose my ignorance was acceptable. Julian and Luc were in love with each other. Not the kind of love when your young and think someone looks nice, but rather the type of love you feel deep down in your soul. When you can look inside the eyes of a stranger and see yourself staring back. I can understand why they never told me. These times werent exactly the most excpetable times to validate such sins as these, punishable by an eternity in Hell. Maybe if I knew that the one boy I loved was in love with another boy, I wouldnt have reacted as I did. If only I hadnt been so ignorant, if only they hadnt been so secretive, if only I hadnt found out how I did. It was there fault... they pushed me away. All of a sudden I wasnt as cool as I had always been. I wasnt fun to hang out with anymore, and I wasnt worthy to be let in on their secrets. We always grew up keeping secrets from the world, and now here they were, my two best friends, and they had secrets that they kept from me. On occasion Julian would still try to hold me, he knew I would suspect something if he didnt, but i knew better. He couldnt look at me anymore, those brilliant blue eyes were no longer mine to get lost in. And the looks, I dont know why i didnt figure it out at the time. Suddenly i noticed Luc wandering inside of Julians beautiful glances. I didnt even know how to react at first glance. I was on my way over to Luc's house. It was a saturday night and I knew Luc's Aunt and Uncle would be at church helping to prepare for the next morning's service. But why I hadnt been invited I was soon to find out. I got an odd feeling as i approached the door, you could say that the breeze hit me differently. I continued to knock however. Three times I remember knocking. One...Two...Three. And they were loud knocks, not taps as if to say "Ok I knocked, but you didnt answer, so im coming in." I gave them a fair chance, I really did. I managed to wait a few more moments before i tried the handle. Not too my surprise, the door was unlocked, but still i felt an unwelcoming feeling. I walked through the entrance, into the kitchen i had walked into so many times before. It was very small, as was the rest of the house, and there were only several more small rooms. Lucs bedroom was at the end of the distant hallway, i was now walking toward. The walls carried no images of any sort, in fact the best way too describe them would just be drab. They were a dark dull colour, that made even me miserable just looking at it. There wasnt actually many things at all in the house. Just ones nesecities. Having a son of their own, Luc's Aunt and Uncle werent able providers for their burden that had been placed on them. Luc's door was shut, and now i was going to knock. But as my head told me to do so, my hand just reached for the door knob instead. The door thrusted open. I stood their with a look in my face that must have been half guilt and half fear. Lying next to each other on Luc's bed the two boys had been entwined amongst each other, kissing passionately, just the way i always imagined Julien would kiss me. Their faces sprung now to my existence, now looking pitiful, with the largest eyes they ever saw on my face. I saw panic on their faces, and i think that was all i saw on their faces. You see, I dont think they understood what was about to happen, what i was capable of doing, and honestly i dont think i was either. My first mistake was walking in the house knowing my consience told me otherwise. My second was soon to come. Being in love with Julien myself, I was enraged. At least that was the one emotion i could grasp. I needed to tell the world that I had been wronged, that i would never have my way. I dont even recall who I told first, but what i do remember is that by sunset the next day I had done more damage than even i thought i was capable of. Julien's parents decided it be best to rid their son of his demons by no longer allowing him to see Luc, and Luc's Aunt and Uncle couldnt agree more. When the school got word of this abomination, they decided that the boys werent welcome there either, that they would have to be forced into the world without further education. I couldnt Believe what I had done. My jealousy had taken over, and now my two best friends, my self proclaimed family was forever torn apart. Forever their sanity would be corrupted and it was all my fault. If someone should go to hell for this it was surely myself. Thinking about it, I couldnt see a problem with the love they shared, other than the fact that it was the first thing they had too themselves without me being included. And now because of this, my two best friends, the only boys I had ever loved, were forever destroyed. After this i stoped seeing them as much. I remained friendless, and eventually my parents suggested therapy where i recieved counseling and drugs to take away my misery. I was more miserable then i had ever been, my life was gone, i wouldnt make it much longer. On occasion when i would see them their faces were just as blank as mine, and i dont think that they cared much for me anymore. Their emotions were undecided towards me, and now the emptiness between us was very obvious. Julien's brilliant blue eyes, now seemed a pale grey, his face once full of life, was now pale and flushed. He couldnt hold me when i saw him. Damn he couldnt even hold himself. I'm not sure that he blamed me or even was mad at me, just without Luc his soul couldnt survive much longer, he was slowly dying as was I. Luc being just as bad now was forced to work around the house. He slept the rest of the time, wich was quite often, and Luc's Aunt and Uncle had doctors coming to the house constantly trying to figure out what was wrong with him. They probally concluded insanity the way that they had done with me. I continued to live my miserable life. School became so terrably lonely that often times i would find myself not even attending. My parents were increasingly becoming concerned, and my father increasingly abusive. Soon my misery became so great that I didnt even remember Julien and Luc. It had now been a whole year since i had seen them lying on Luc's bed, entwined in each other. I still found a tear in my eyes as i thought back too our child hood. The thoughts of the memories we shared comforted me in an eerie sort of way. On the eve of my eightteenth birthday i sat uncomfortablly. No longer a little girl, i was soon to never be a woman. A few short hours left, for at the strike of midnight, my soul would be forever damned.