Usual disclaimers apply. The following contains male-to-male sex.
If you are under age or such reading is illegal in your country,
please go elsewhere. Otherwise, please enjoy.
Comments and Critiques are welcomed at Kindar@wereanimal.net
Denis sat on the terrace of the coffee shop enjoying a coffee. It wasn’t the first day he’d had a coffee here, but it was the first one in a while he was actually enjoying. It finally felt like his life was coming together after…
His mind stopped as the thought occurred to him and he had to force it to continue; force it to think about Steven. His psychologist told him he couldn’t just ignore what had happened. It might feel safe to act like the event didn’t exist, but he couldn’t start healing until he dealt with the emotions he felt because of it.
Like every time Steven popped in his head he was hit with guilt, grief and anger. He closed his eyes and tried not to cry. The emotions were still very strong, but they weren’t debilitating anymore. Three months of therapy was starting to have an effect. He didn’t feel like throwing himself off a building or in front of an incoming car most of the time anymore.
He accepted now that the responsibility for what Steven had done didn’t rest entirely on him. Accepting that hadn’t stopped the anger he felt at having used him and other men like him, but it had helped get his self destructive episodes under control. He also realized now that they hadn’t been about killing himself; not once had he contemplated using silver. He just wanted to suffer like he thought he deserved to.
The wave of emotions passed; he used the napkin to dry his eyes and blow his nose. The waitress stopped cleaning the table next to his and asked him if he was alright. He smiled at her and thanked her for her concern, but he was fine. She brought him more napkins and he went back to enjoying his coffee.
Five minutes later the cup was almost empty when his hand started shaking. It wasn’t strong, but it was noticeable. He made a fist a few time trying to get it to stop. Next his heart started beating faster and his mouth went dry. A moment later he caught the scent and he had to hold on to the table to avoid bolting away.
He slowly turned
his head, putting
his nose to the wind and he saw him, walking up casually. Their eyes
Denis glared at
the man, it was too
late now to do anything;
Denis wrapped his
hands around his
cup to stop them from shaking; or maybe to prevent them from trying to
Denis snorted, “I don’t make a habit of being nice to my torturers.”
“Hey, I had nothing to do with that.”
“Right, you just brought them what they needed; helped and then stood there and got your jollies watching.”
“If I remember correctly, they weren’t the only ones I helped.”
Denis’ fear and anger slowly ebbed, there was only so long they could be maintained without anything coming of them. “You weren’t doing it for me. You were just trying to leech power; promising me my freedom to get it.”
“If you hadn’t lied to me, I would have freed you.”
“I didn’t lie to
you. I told you
outright it wouldn’t work. You just decided not to listen.”
comment, instead he
tried to figure out how he felt about that, and found he didn’t feel
Even though Isaac had been the one to do most of the actual torturing,
couldn’t get himself to feel anything for the old man. He’d made
“How does it feel to be in charge of a bunch of wackos?”
“I must have been lucky to only meet the crazy ones while I was there then.” Denis said flatly.
It took a moment
“Or what? You’re going to have one of your men shoot me? In broad day light? You’re sounding like a villain from on of those bad Saturday morning cartoons.”
“Why not? You don’t want to have to face what you did to him or the others?”
Denis closed his eyes to focus on controlling his anger. “I’m dealing with it,” he said when he was calmer, “I’m seeing a psychologist.”
The news took
Denis snorted and rolled his eyes at the man. “My psychologist’s a woman. Unlike you I actually try to work through my problems instead of finding shortcuts around them.”
Denis looked at
him in surprise,
and then started chuckling. “Your timing really sucks, you know that?”
once he’d calmed down, “If you’d come to me with that just two weeks
would have jumped at the chance. I would have let you hurt me to your
content and I would probably have thanked you for it, but I’m over that
He stood, “I screwed up big time, but I’m dealing with that. I haven’t
out how yet, but I’ll make amends.” He looked at
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