Davey's Story - The 2012 Rewrite Chapter 1

DAVEY'S STORY

The 2012 Re-write

Warning: The story you are about to read contains diaper use, violence, adult language and strong sexual content. The following is evil, illegal, should be banned, and all that other blah, blah, blah. If reading a coming of age story of self-discovery about pre-adolescent and adolescent boys that wet their beds, wear diapers, and explore their awakening sexuality with each other does not tickle your pickle (or if the law in your area says that pickle tickling is illegal) then don't read it.

Prologue:

As my name was called out the lady next to me got up and reached out her hand towards me. At first I was not so sure I wanted to take it as I had only met this lady a few days ago. Her name was Dr. Brice and it seemed that all she ever wanted to talk to me about was all of the bad things that I had to endure.

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At our first appointment together I found out that she was a child psychiatrist. When she asked me if I knew what a child psychiatrist was I nodded and boldly said, "I don't know what they told you but I'm not crazy!"

Even at my age I knew what a psychiatrist was, they were supposed to be doctors who helped crazy people. So when I told Dr. Brice that I was not crazy, I didn't expect what happened next. I don't know why for sure but Dr. Brice started laughing and at first I was positive that she was laughing at me. I didn't take that so well and at first I was really angry, and then for no reason that I can understand, I started bawling my eyes out. Maybe it was from all the pressure I felt I was under. It took me a while to get calmed down but eventually Dr. Brice was able to do so and explained to me that she was not laughing at me at all, that she just thought what I said was funny.

Since that first meeting I saw her two other times before today. We actually talked each time for over an hour. By the last visit I was starting to feel a little more comfortable around her. Even so she was still a new person in my life that was filling fast with many new people and it was starting to become a little over whelming as well as a little scary.

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I was suddenly brought out of my deep thoughts by a man sitting on the other side of me clearing his throat. I glanced at the man who was my long lost father, and we exchanged knowing looks filled with love. I knew even though we had only known each other for the last few months, that he was trying to help comfort me with that smile and help me be brave for what was about to take place. I once again looked over at Dr. Brice and again was not sure about this whole thing.

Noticing my hesitation Dr. Brice looked down at me and smiled as she softly spoke my name. I knew she at least was a nice lady and all, but still being in this crowded room, and about to be standing up there in front of everyone was just a little too scary for me at the moment. She once again softly spoke my name, I knew I had no choice as everyone was now waiting on me, which also made me the center of attention, and trust me I wasn't liking it one bit. I slowly took her hand and got to my feet which were inside a brand new pair of black shoes, which pinched my feet a little too much.

Dr. Brice led me up to the front of the room past several rows of people, then past two long tables on each side of me. Each table had a few people sitting at them. I instantly recognized a couple of the people sitting behind the table on my left as I passed it. I gazed into one of those faces I had recognized. I mean, how could I not, recognize the face of the woman who I still loved. Even after considering everything she put me through. Looking at her I smiled, but what I really wanted to do was rush over to her, put my arms around her neck, and weep into her shoulder. I wanted her to know how sorry I was for the way things turned out. Of course Dr. Brice had repeatedly explained to me that I had nothing to be sorry about, that all the blame was as it should be, all on her shoulders. All I could do was stand there and smile and hope that someday she would forgive me. When she returned my smile I felt slightly better and it helped me a little with my fear. I continued to silently allow myself to be led up to the very front of the room, up to the big desk, where behind it a man sat. I knew this man was a judge as I had been coached by Dr. Brice and the man who I learned was the prosecutor ADA (Assistant District Attorney) Joe Green. Once Dr. Brice led me up to a smaller desk next to the judge's desk she let go of my hand.

"Davey, please be brave, I know you can do this." Dr. Brice whispered to me. I just nodded my head but for the life of me I could not seem to find my voice anywhere. She gave me one last smile and headed over to one of the tables. I again looked over to the woman sitting behind the other table and felt better when I noticed that she was still smiling at me. I could seriously feel the love emanating from that smile and again it helped me feel a little brave. I looked back over to see what Dr. Brice was doing and I noticed she was now talking to the prosecutor Mr. Joe Green who at first I had not recognized, but now realized who he was. Just looking at this man brought up memories I much rather forget. While waiting to be told what to do I happened to notice how cool the room was and even though I was wearing a brand new suit with tie and coat I still felt the coldness of the room send a shiver up my spine. I couldn't help thinking how I got into this spot, I mean here I was a 12 year old kid... well almost 12, and I was scared out of my wits. I knew that whatever I said could change my life forever and other people's lives as well. I quietly told myself to be brave, "you're almost 12 years old and no matter what happens you have people who love you very much." I thought trying to be rational.

I once again was brought out of my thoughts when the Judge asked me a question. "I am sorry sir, can you repeat that?" I barely croaked out.

"I am sorry son I know this must be a lot for you to handle at your age. What I asked is if you were okay, as we need to move on and swear you in." The Judge explained.

I nodded my head at the judge indicating I was ready to proceed and noticed a man in front of me holding out a bible. Again because of the coaching I knew he was the bailiff.

"Please raise your right hand and place your left hand on the bible and repeat after me," the bailiff requested.

I reached out my right hand first but quickly realized my mistake and put out my left hand on top of the bible. I then raised my right hand as I was told to do.

"I swear to tell the truth, the whole truth, nothing but the truth, so help me God." the bailiff instructed.

As instructed I repeated what he said. "I swear to tell the truth, the whole truth, nothing but the truth, so help me God." while repeating the oath I couldn't help but notice that my voice was much higher then it normally is. Now finished with the oath I was told by the bailiff that I could sit which I did quickly and gratefully as I was not sure how much longer my shaking legs would be able to hold me up. Even with this desk being much smaller then the one that the Judge sat at, it still engulfed me. Sitting behind it I really felt like the small trembling kid that I was as my earlier fear started to come back. I really didn't want to be here right at this moment and even felt a little... well make that very nauseous to the point that I might throw up.

The Judge, who I barely noticed at that moment, started to ask me if I was all right again. Before I could answer though it all of a sudden happened, I lost my breakfast all over the floor beside me. Fortunately I did not get any on my new suit, but the hateful shoes were not so lucky. This of course caused the room to buzz as people started talking to one another. The judge quickly called the court back to order and then announced a 30 minute break so that the courtroom could be cleaned up and also so that I could be hopefully calmed down. If not the Judge was prepared to let me off the hook by disallowing me to give testimony which the prosecutor needed desperately.

Personally, the last thing I wanted was to get my mother in any more trouble than she already was, but according to my dad and ADA Green, it was the only way she would get the help she desperately needs. If only I could believe that!

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Chapter 1: The 1^st Battle & How it All Started

"NO! I will not ... and you can't make me!" I shouted and stomped my foot like some little kid throwing a tantrum.

I had no sooner come out of the Men's room when I was approached by the prosecutor Mr. Green and his assistant. My father hadn't come out of the bathroom yet as he had made sure I was okay first and had helped me clean off my shoes. As the two men approached me I felt like I was being cornered. As they approached me getting closer to me than I felt comfortable with, an overwhelming feeling of panic struck me. I looked around, my eyes trying to search for anyone who could rescue me from these two pushy men.

Mr. Green at first was shocked, then his face went ashen, "Damn it, you have to! It is the only way we can guarantee that your mother will get the help she needs and the man that hurt you will be put away!" the worried and pushy Prosecutor demanded.

In my mind though it seemed like they were more worried about winning this case than about what I felt or wanted. I just couldn't cope with all of this and felt that if I didn't get out of here soon that I might have a mental breakdown, I guess Dr. Brice will then really have a reason to see me!

I don't know why but from the first time I met Mr. Green I didn't trust him, in fact I knew ADA Green disliked me as much as I did him. I guess all I was to him was some snot-nosed brat that he was forced to deal with. You may ask how I know this-easily, as I overheard him talking to a fellow prosecutor at his office. Unbeknownst to him, Dad and I had arrived early for our appointment with him. I could tell that the comment wasn't missed by my dad as well; and I could see he was really fuming about it.

As I tried to sidestep Mr. Green, the ADA all of a sudden snarled. "Look here you ungrateful brat, you are going to get up on that stand and tell the court what we talked about! Do you understand me?!" The way the Prosecutor was growling, I knew this was not meant as a question, but instead a statement of fact.

What happened next, not only scared the living bejeebers out of me, but it also startled Mr. Green. In fact I think he jumped about two feet in the air, "Excuse ME! What the hell are you trying to pull off!?" my dad bellowed.

You see without either of us knowing, my dad had come out of the bathroom just in time to hear the Prosecutor call me a brat. For a minute there I thought just maybe my dad was going to slug Mr. Green. I guess he decided against it as I saw the fist he had tightly made at his side, relax a little.

Dad is a pretty imposing looking guy as he stood at his full height at 6'2" and was well built. As for Mr. Green, he was a small wiry man who was dwarfed by my father.

Looking for protection I backed into my father, my small cowering body pressed tightly against his leg and hip. I did feel a little better when he put his left arm protectively around my trembling chest.

"Would you care to tell me why, I am seeing my son cowering from fear; while you threaten him and act like an ass?!" My dad demanded.

"I... you see... well..." Mr. Green was obviously flustered and more than just a little nervous at being caught in a very unprofessional manner.

"You know, I have had about as much of you as I can take!" Dad angrily told the Assistant District Attorney. "I am going to have a word with your superiors and let them know how you have treated my son during this trial. I am sure they would not be too happy to learn of your obvious disdain of my son and of your unprofessional behavior towards him," Dad stated angrily. I could tell that even though his body was no longer tight and rigid he still had a lot of anger in his voice.

"I am sorry Mr. Brown, you're right. I have been very insulting not only to your son, but you as well." Mr. Green sighed, and with more sincerity than I have heard from him yet, apologized, "I am completely ashamed of how I have acted. I am terribly sorry and hope that you can see it in yourself to forgive me and give me another chance to do right by you and your son."

Even though he truly sounded sincere in his apology, I still was not that willing to let bygones be bygones. I looked up into my father's face and as if he could understand me by just that look, I tried to send him a non-verbal message with my eyes. I really did not trust this guy and wanted to be rid of him.

"I completely understand if you still want to go to my superiors. I know it is no excuse but I have been under a lot of strain lately as we are all overloaded right now with cases. If you want, I will ask the judge to remove me from this case due to personal issues and have them assign another prosecutor to it. Please know though, it is completely possible that the new prosecutor assigned to the case may want to look it over first; which will mean delays in the court proceedings," Mr. Green calmly explained.

I started to have a jumble of mixed and confused emotions erupt throughout my mind. One part of me didn't care how long it took as long as we could be rid of this jerk! The other part of me didn't want to drag it out any longer than need be, as the whole thing was really mentally and emotionally taxing on me. I just wanted it over with.

Dad decided to go back to the original question he had asked only a little calmer and nicer this time. "So what is the problem here?"

Mr. Green sighed, "It seems your son here is refusing to give testimony. I cannot stress the importance to our case that he gets up on the stand and tells what he knows. Everything hinges on your son!"

Dad looked down at me, "is this true Davey?"

"Dad, I just don't want to! I just can't! Please don't make me!" I begged him. A few tears had welled up in my eyes as I looked at him pleadingly, hoping that he would not make me do it.

I guess with all of the angry words being said, we had gotten a lot of people's attention that were hanging around outside the courtroom. People were now staring at us and I felt like their eyes were burning holes through me. I don't know why it affected me so bad, but the few tears turned into a flood as I started to bawl.

"Shhh, it's all right Davey, I won't make you if you don't want to," Dad said soothingly, trying to calm me down while still holding me tightly to him.

"But..." Mr. Green started to say before being cut off by my dad.

"If he doesn't want to I will not make him. Can't you see he's scared?" Dad said while picking me up and holding me as I cried into his shoulder.

As Dad held me, he started to rub my back still trying to calm me down. The love that I could feel radiating from him did the trick as my tears started to slow down until they became just a trickle.

"Can we do this at least..." Mr. Green started to say, still trying to convince my dad that I need to tell the court in my own words what happened. "What if we ask for another recess and have your son talk with Dr. Brice? I am sure she can calm him down and reassure him. That way we can still get his testimony," Mr. Green asked hoping to wheel and deal for my testimony.

"Alright, as long as she does not pressure Davey into doing it," he agreed.

Dad then looked at me and asked, "Is that okay with you Davey?"

At first I wanted to say no, but I could tell that Dad was hoping that I would at least give it a try. "Can you be there too Dad?" I asked as my lower lip started to tremble.

"Davey I would have it no other way," Dad said as he kissed me on the forehead before moving me so that I was now kinda sitting on his left arm. He then smiled at me reassuringly, which became contagious as I found myself returning his smile.

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"As I see it, I totally agree with you Mr. Brown. Davey is definitely not emotionally ready yet as we have seen from the first attempt," Dr. Brice said agreeing with my dad. With her words, I felt a whole lot better. It was as if a pressure valve had been opened, releasing all the built up pressure, that had been building inside of me.

I looked at her with relief. "Thank you Dr. Brice. I really didn't want to do that," I said with a sigh.

Mr. Green after speaking with the Judge got the recess extended to another hour, so that Dr. Brice could have a chance to talk to me. He even arranged a conference room where we could go and sit, and talk privately. When Dad and I had walked into the room we had been shown to, we saw that Dr. Brice was already there. At first I was sure she was going to be like Mr. Green and push me into getting back up in front of everyone.

I guess Mr. Green had explained what had happened as she seemed to know right away what the problem was. Still feeling scared I really needed to feel Dad's closeness. So when he sat down and pulled me onto his lap, I was starting to feel much better. At first she spent a lot of time asking me questions and wanting me to try and tell her the best that I could what I was feeling now. As I mentioned earlier, she was real big into feelings, or at least my feelings.

I told her the same thing I told Mr. Green and Dad, that I really, really, didn't want to do that again. After she finished her talk with me, she started talking to Dad for a while. As I listened to them talk, they were discussing things about me, as if I wasn't in the room. Normally I would be upset with people talking about me, as if I were not present, but right now I was just happy no one was pressuring me. When she finally told Dad that she agreed with us, I had sighed with relief; that is until what she said next.

"Don't get me wrong Davey, I think you should get up there and tell the Judge exactly everything you told us. I think you will feel a lot better than you realize, once you do. You are holding in so much pent up grief and pain, which is doing a lot more harm than you know."

Relief all of a sudden went back to fear then panic. "No! NO! NOOO!" I cried. I then turned and buried my face in Dad's chest, trying to hide the world from my eyes.

"Davey please don't get upset. I am telling you right now, that if you don't want to do it, no one will force you. I really think you should. I think that if we ask Mr. Green to reschedule your testimony to the end, that you might be a lot more comfortable," she said in that calm and reassuring voice of hers.

I pulled my face away from Dad's chest where I had tried to bury it, and looked at her. I was still afraid someone was going to make me do it in the end, whether I wanted to or not.

Recognizing the fear still in my eyes she then asked me a question. "Davey can you just do me a favor please?" Feeling like a little kid I nodded my head. "Davey will you just think about it for a while, and maybe later as you get more comfortable in the courtroom it won't be so hard for you. Do you think you could do that for me?"

I thought about what she said as she handed me some tissues to dry my eyes with and to wipe the snot that had started to drip down my lip. What she asked didn't seem so bad. All she wanted me to do was think about it; and she was even still promising me that if I didn't want to, that she wouldn't force me to get back up on the stand.

Sniffling, I again nodded my head. "Okay, I will think about it; but I don't think I will change my mind," I told her trying to sound resolute, but not sounding anything like it.

"Well Davey that sounds fair." Dr. Brice then held out her hand to me so that we could shake on it. Acting braver than I really felt, I reached out, and she softly shook my hand to seal the bargain. "Well how about I give you two a few minutes to let Davey compose himself? You still have a few minutes before we have to be back in court," she said as she stood up.

Dad lifted me from his lap and stood me up next to the chair as he got up and also shook Dr. Brice's hand. "I want to thank you so much for helping Davey. I feel so bad that he has had to go through so much over these last several years."

"It is no problem Mr. Brown; that is what I am here for. I really care about Davey and I want to help him get past all that pain. Please feel free to come to me if you or Davey need to talk about something." After saying this Dr. Brice then walked out the door, leaving us alone.

Dad then looked down at me, then changing his mind bent down on one knee so he could look straight into my eyes. He then reached out and again embraced me in his arms, trying his best to hug away all the pain in my life. "Davey I am so proud of you for being so brave. I know that all of this is more than a little overwhelming for someone your age. Just know I will always be there for you." Dad then released his embrace and held me at arm's length. He then smiled at me and said, "Son, I love you with all my heart; don't you ever forget it." Then holding my hand, Dad led me out of the conference room and back into the noisy courtroom.

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Now back in session, I listened as the Prosecutor informed the Court, that he was reworking the order of his witnesses, in order to allow me more time before questioning me, to become more comfortable in the courtroom setting. He then informed the Judge that he would be proceeding with the next witness on the witness list. That person turned out to be an old friend of both my mom and dad and had gone to high school with both of them. He was a really nice guy and I have come to know him as Uncle Justin, even though he is not really my uncle or related to me in any way.

"I call Justin Hawk to the stand," Mr. Green said loudly so that he could be heard throughout the room.

Uncle Justin had been sitting on the other side of Dad. When he got up and passed me, he looked at me and smiled. Then as he gave me a knowing wink walked up to the front of the courtroom.

He like me was sworn in by the Bailiff before taking a seat in the witness box, which is what my dad later told me it was called, when I had mentioned how small I felt behind it.

"Your name is Justin Hawk and you know both the defendant here and Mr. Brown her ex-husband, is that correct?" Mr. Green asked.

"Yes, I went to high school with both of them and knew them both well. I consider both of them friends of mine." Uncle Justin stated.

"That is good. Now please tell the court what happened on the night of September 17^th 2007," Mr. Green said while studying his notes.

"Well let's see... I was on a business trip near Vegas and decided one day to go check out the casinos over there. I was walking from one casino to another when low and behold who do I bump into but none other than Debbie and her son."

I could see from where I was, even though I was way in the back of the courtroom; that Uncle Justin once again winked at me.

"Anyways, I hadn't seen Debbie since right after she married Jeff; as I had been accepted to Columbia University. Between school work and trying to survive on very little money, we had ended up losing touch with each other. When I saw..." but before Uncle Justin could go on he was interrupted.

"`Objection' your honor! Where is this going and what does it have to do with this case?" Mrs. Jackson cried out.

You see Mrs. Julia Jackson was my mom's defense attorney and a good friend of my Grandmother's.

Looking down on the two of them, he cleared his throat, "She has a point, Counselor. Where are you going with this?" asked the Judge.

"Your Honor, I am trying to paint a picture of Mrs. Long's character. I want to show you and the court the type of person she was long before now," explained Mr. Green.

"Well okay, I will allow it for now, but get to the point please," the Judge decided.

"Please continue Mr. Hawk." And I was sure that I could hear the smugness in the Prosecutor's voice.

"As I was saying, when I saw her, she didn't look too good. At the time I wasn't positive but I had a good idea that she was a junky." At this Uncle Justin looked over to where my mom was sitting and frowned. Since from my point of view all I could see was the back of my mom's head, so I could not tell how she responded to the next thing he said. Still looking at my mom, he then apologized for what he was saying about her. "I'm sorry Debbie, please believe me."

"Harrumph," the Prosecutor cleared his throat loudly. "Mr. Hawk, can we please get back to what you were telling us."

"I'm sorry," Uncle Justin repeated, this time directing it towards Mr. Green who seemed to be once again getting annoyed. "I could tell the young boy holding her hand had to be her and Jeff's son, as he looked so much like both of them," Uncle Justin said surely.

As Uncle Justin continued his description of the first time we had met, with the occasional objection being shouted out, I found my own mind reliving that moment in time. That moment was just the beginning, but it would forever change my life.

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My mom had dragged me along with her the day I met her old school friend, Justin Hawk. I am not quite sure exactly how long, but we had been living in Las Vegas for quite some time.

Most of the time Mom wouldn't have bothered with dragging me along, as the lady in the apartment across from us would normally look after me. But for some reason that day she was not able to watch me. If it hadn't been for the fact that the landlady had found me alone in our apartment once, and had threatened Mom with going to the police if she ever did it again, I am sure Mom would have left me home. Even at 7 years old, I knew that leaving a kid alone for two days was wrong, but I never let on that Mom was gone. I am not sure how the landlady found out, but I didn't tell her. No matter what Mom thinks!

We had taken a bus over to the strip where Mom was to meet someone in order to buy some things. She had been holding my hand so tightly that it felt as if it was in a vise grip! Neither of us was paying close attention to where we were going due to me hollering about all the pain she was causing in my hand. Since Mom had been looking down at me, she had not seen the man who stopped at a standstill in front of us gawking, before she plowed right into him.

"Wow! It is you! Well I'll be, if it's not `Debbie Brown'! What have you been up to?" the man asked. Before she could answer him, he had gone ahead and started to chatter all about the so called old days.

"Oh my! I didn't realize at first, but this has to be yours and Jeff's son," the man stated as he noticed me.

He held his hand out to me, trying to be polite and offering to shake my hand. "My name is Justin Hawk. What is yours little man?" Mr. Hawk asked, like he was really interested in what I had to say.

"Davey Long," I answered Mr. Hawk meekly. I then allowed him to take my left hand, as my mom still had my right one in a death grip.

At first Mr. Hawk just smiled at me as he shook my hand, but as he let go of it, a confused look crossed his face. I wasn't sure what to think; but I could tell that there was a tension building between Mom and Mr. Hawk, with most of it flowing from my mom.

"Long?" I wasn't sure why he seemed so confused about my last name; but Mr. Hawk definitely was. He looked at Mom again, "Debbie is he not Jeff's kid as well?" He asked.

I kept looking back and forth between them, trying to figure out why they both all of a sudden went quiet. I am not sure how long this quiet lasted before Mr. Hawk again looked at me and asked who my father was. Of course I could tell, that even though he was looking at me, he was really asking my mom the question.

I guess she realized that, with me looking so much like Dad that there would be no way that she could convince Mr. Hawk that I was anything but Jeff Brown's kid. "Yes, he is Jeff's son," Mom said with a slightly worried voice.

"So where is the boy's father at?! I would love to see that scoundrel again. In fact, I think he still owes me $20," Mr. Hawk said laughingly.

Suddenly I understood that Mr. Hawk was asking about my dad. Without a moment's hesitation I told him what I had been told not too long ago, by Mommy. At the time I didn't realize it; but Mom had been real nervous running into this man. The last thing she wanted to do was tell him the story she had told me; but before she could stop me, I did that exactly.

"My daddy's dead," I told Mr. Hawk as if it were no big deal. "He died before I was born. He was killed in a big crash." I continued, sounding like I really knew what I was saying was true.

"Killed in a big crash you say?" Mr. Hawk asked raising an eyebrow. He then looked at my mom and I guess he was trying to have her either confirm what I said, or tell him what exactly had happened.

"Uh huh," I said, nodding my head like one of those bobble head dolls you now see all over the place, including on people's car dashes. "His car got hit by another car. Mommy said he died." I said still in a very convincing manner.

Now I guess if I hadn't been there Mom would have probably told him the truth about what went down between her and my dad. With me there and with me already having told Mr. Hawk about my dad dying, she thought it would be best to just stick to the story I told. All she could hope was that he believed her and not go looking for him.

"I am sorry to say Justin, but everything Davey just said is true." Mom said solemnly, hoping that he could not see the lie in her eyes. "I wish I could have given you better news, but at least Jeff will live on through Davey." Mom said, while giving me a phony smile.

"Oh man, that sucks!" As soon as Mr. Hawk had those words out he immediately apologized. "Oh my, I'm sorry Debbie. I forgot your little boy was standing right here." And he then reached down and ruffled my hair. "Davey, don't you ever repeat what I just said. It was a bad word and I should not have said it."

Not really knowing what word he was talking about at the time, I just nodded my head and said, "Okay."

I knew Mom was in a hurry and feared that she might miss the person she was supposed to meet on the strip. It seemed that this old friend really wanted to talk to Mom now, especially that he found out that my dad had supposedly been killed.

"Debbie, I'm not sure if you have anything planned, but I was wondering if you and your son would like to go to dinner with me?" Mr. Hawk asked, and quickly followed with, "it would be my treat," when he saw her look as if she was about to decline his offer.

I am not sure exactly when I had first noticed because I had managed to forget about it after we ran into Mom's old school friend, but all of a sudden the urge to pee came on strongly.

"Mommy, I need to go peepee!" I suddenly announced while at the same time grabbing at my little fire hose, as my mom called it, trying to hold back my urine.

"I am sorry Justin, but I really don't have time. I am already late for an appointment; and now Davey needs to pee. I really don't want him to have an accident; so I am sorry, but I need to get going." Mom quickly explained to her friend, and without waiting for an answer she started to walk away practically dragging me along. Through the whole time we had been standing there talking to Mr. Hawk, Mom who had at least loosened her grip, had never once let go of my hand.

We had quickly left Mr. Justin Hawk in the dust before he could even exchange contact information, so that they may be able to talk in the near future, maybe even get together sometime. At the time I wasn't really sure what he was thinking; and didn't find out until years down the road, that he really felt that something was not quite right.

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I am not quite sure how long I had been zoned out, remembering the past; but when I did finally come back to the present, Uncle Justin was now being questioned by Mrs. Jackson. I had missed some of the cross examination so I was not quite sure at first why Mom had all of a sudden started wailing.

Confused and still having fogs of thought about the first time I met Uncle Justin, I tried to see the reason Mom would be crying. Not getting an answer, I looked around in hopes that maybe someone would be able to tell me. When I finally looked at Dad, I could see that he had been looking at me all along. He of course was worried about how I would react to the outburst from my mom.

"Your Honor may I please have a brief moment with my client?" I heard Mrs. Jackson ask.

"Of course, but please make it quick counselor. We still have a lot to get through before the end of the day." I heard the Judge announce to Mrs. Jackson.

Unlike before though when the Judge had called for a recess, this time he just sat there as Mrs. Jackson went over and started whispering to my mom. Mom though was still crying, and it didn't look like Mrs. Jackson was able to do anything to help her.

Listening to Mom cry and still wondering why she was so emotional, I again looked at Dad. "Why..." I started to ask Dad but was not able to finish my question. The words just seemed to get stuck in my throat; and no matter what, I couldn't get them to come out.

Dad reached over, put his right arm around me and pulled me closer to him. With his left hand he reached down and using his thumb wiped the tears that were leaking from my eyes. Up until that moment, I didn't even realize I was crying. The next thought that entered my head was, "why was I crying?" I still don't have an answer for that one.

As Dad continued to hug me I could feel his love fill me, making me feel better. I now noticed that Mrs. Jackson must have finally gotten through to my mother, as Mom's wailing had stopped; and her sobs were coming under control. A couple minutes later and Mom was finally able to compose herself and was ready to continue.

"Again, I am sorry your Honor for that outburst. We are ready to continue," Mrs. Jackson informed the Judge.

After the Judge acknowledged Mrs. Jackson she again walked over to where Uncle Justin was still sitting in the witness box.

"Mr. Hawk, can you please repeat your answer to the court?" Mrs. Jackson asked; and Uncle Justin, who seemed a little shaken up, brought his attention back to Mrs. Jackson.

"I am sorry, but could you please repeat the question?" Uncle Justin requested.

"You say that you proceeded to go after Mrs. Long and stalk her. All of what you said so far is based on your feeling, not based in fact. Just because you think she was up to something doesn't mean she actually was. Personally I think it was a little creepy that you were stalking her." Mrs. Jackson said in a more disgusting tone than what was called for.

"Objection your Honor! Was that supposed to be a question? What is it she wants to know?" The Prosecutor bellowed loud enough that I heard it echo off the courtroom walls.

"I am sorry your Honor, I will rephrase the question." Mrs. Jackson stated before the Judge could rule on the objection.

"Mr. Hawk, can you please tell us once again what you did after Mrs. Long and Davey departed from you?" Mrs. Jackson asked while looking directly at the Jury.

"Well after they had disappeared I was about to go ahead and go back to my original quest, which was to check out the next casino. The casino that I had been heading towards was in the opposite direction that Debbie and her son Davey had gone. I couldn't help wondering though if Debbie was in trouble. I knew something wasn't right; and I felt that it had something to do with drugs." Uncle Justin at this point was interrupted by Mrs. Jackson.

"Your Honor I request that you have the last sentence stricken from the record; and that the Jury be instructed to disregard that sentence! The witness is making assumptions; and has no evidence or proof to back up this assumption," Mrs. Jackson explained forcibly.

"The last sentence will be removed from the record," the Judge announced. He then turned towards the Jury, "The last sentence regarding the witness's assumption of the Defendant using drugs has been stricken from the record; and you, the Jury, are instructed to disregard it." With that said the Judge then looked back over to Mrs. Jackson, "Please proceed Counselor."

"Mr. Hawk, please continue; but refrain from further assumptions about the Defendant's character or habits, unless you are able to offer proof to this court," Mrs. Jackson said smugly.

"I am sorry; and will do my best to do what you ask," Uncle Justin apologized.

I was finding myself curious as to where this was going, as this was all new information to me. I also figured out now that what made Mom so upset was that Uncle Justin must have said something about her drug use. It wouldn't be until later that evening at dinner that I would learn the whole reason about her getting upset.

"After a few more seconds of thought I decided to go ahead and see if I could find Debbie and her son; and then follow them in order to find out what was going on." Uncle Justin coughed and then cleared his throat before going on. "All I had to go on was that little Davey needed to pee really badly. I figured she would have gone to the casino I had just left, due to the fact that they had the closest bathroom. I was glad to find that my assumptions were correct because when I entered the casino, I saw them enter the women's bathroom together across the room. I hung around near the doors, but always within sight of the women's bathroom. I was mixed in with a group of people so it would be harder for Debbie to see me."

I had remembered that part as well; I mean being taken into the women's bathroom because Mom didn't like me going into the men's bathroom alone in the casinos. I know it sounds weird with her more then willing to leave me alone at home, but that was the way Mom was. Anyway I had been bursting to pee; and even lost control a couple times before I made it to an empty stall. Luckily I was able to quickly regain control so the damage wasn't too bad.

It wasn't uncommon for me to have wetting accidents. In fact it happened more frequently than I cared to admit. I had been made fun of on a regular basis from other kids at school or around our apartment, for wetting my pants. Because of this Mom knew when I said I had to go, I meant it. I do have to say this, Mom never got mad at me for wetting myself. I could tell she was disappointed when it happened; and it hurt me to see that disappointment. Other people in my life, though, were not as forgiving or understanding as Mom had been.

I remember leaving that bathroom with a wet spot the size of my fist on the crotch of my pants. From there we then headed back out of the casino and to the location where Mom was supposed to meet the person she had arranged to see. I think she had been happy to find that he was still there when we entered the alley, which was the meeting place.

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"What took you so long!" the man demanded; and then noticed me. "Why did you bring the pipsqueak along?"

"Ash, I am sorry but I wasn't able to find a sitter. He's only 7; so you don't have to worry about him." Mom explained. I guess she was hoping that I wouldn't get in the way of whatever she and the man were going to do.

"Well okay," the man I now knew as Ash agreed. "Debbie, looks like your little pipsqueak there pissed himself!" Ash laughed, while he pointed out the wet spot on my pants.

"Can we please forget about my son for the moment?" Mom asked Ash in a very demanding tone. "Let's get down to business, if that is okay?" Mom snapped at Ash, who looked a little taken back because of it.

"Okay, okay, hot mamma, don't have a cow. I have what you want. Do you have the money that we agreed to on the phone?" Ash asked in almost a whisper, even though the alleyway was completely empty; not counting us three, that is.

I watched as Mom took out a small bundle of bills and gave it to Ash who started to count it all.

"It's all there," Mom declared!

"Just checking; you never know when someone might try to stiff ya," Ash said.

I then watched the man hand a small brown bag to Mom. "It's the best out there, real quality. I know you will love it." Ash chuckled; he then reached down to me and patted my head as if I were a dog. "Hey squirt, try not to squirt in your pants the next time." Ash said still laughing about my small accident.

I didn't say a word about it at all. I just wanted to get away from this man who reeked of day old cigarette smoke and rotten teeth. From there we then went back home. I guess I must have fallen asleep shortly after returning home as I didn't wake up again until Mom urgently shook me awake. I of course was soaking wet as usual.

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As I had been thinking about what had happened that day after we had departed from Mom's friend, Uncle Justin, I also was still listening to his version of the events. He explained how he followed us from the casino bathroom, all the way to that alley where he snuck behind a dumpster trying to spy on us. He then surprised me with the information that he had followed us back to our apartment. He said that he debated for a while before going up and confronting Mom. I had gone to sleep by this time so I never knew about the confrontation between Mom and Uncle Justin. I also don't know why he never told me about it after I had gone to live with Dad. According to Uncle Justin, several heated words were said between the two of them before Uncle Justin finally left.

"So you admit to following my client and her young son around like some common stalker!" Mrs. Jackson stated and looked over at the Jury to drive her next point. "You have accused Mrs. Long of illegal and immoral actions; yet you have no proof. Instead I am here to tell you Mr. Hawk, the only one involved in illegal actions, was yourself!" declared Mrs. Jackson, who then gauged the Jury's reaction to her proclamation. "As far as I am concerned Mr. Hawk, your testimony proved nothing but to show that the Prosecutor is only grasping at straws to prove his case. If you are an example of the rest of his so called witnesses, I am then afraid that the Prosecutor is going to be greatly upset at the outcome of this trial," Mrs. Jackson stated pointedly.

I could tell that Mrs. Jackson felt sure she had won the case already; and that the rest of the trial was just a formality. I am no great judge of character, but there are times where I sometimes think Mrs. Jackson has no soul. I was just happy to finally hear her tell the Judge, "No more questions your Honor." The day had been long and emotionally draining on me; and I was ready for it to be over with. I also was starting to get hunger pains and realized that lunch had been hours ago.

I thought it might finally be over for the day, but then the Prosecutor got up and said, "Redirect your Honor." I had watched lots of TV so I sorta knew what the Prosecutor meant, though I wasn't 100% sure on that.

"Mr. Hawk, can you please tell us what you saw in the Defendant's hand when you went to her apartment?" Mr. Green asked in order to allow the Jury to see why these assumptions that Uncle Justin made were likely true.

"I saw a crack pipe; and I had been around my old college roommate enough to recognize the smell that crack makes when smoking it. Plus Debbie's eyes were showing signs of a high." Uncle Justin stated as if he were an expert on drugs and crack in particular.

"So you saw the Defendant Mrs. Long with illegal drug paraphernalia and smelt and observed the use of drugs in the apartment." asked the triumphant feeling Prosecutor.

"Yes sir, that is exactly what I saw and knew." Uncle Justin said authoritatively.

"Thank you very much Mr. Hawk, you have done splendidly. Your Honor, I am now done with questioning this witness." Mr. Green announced. I then noticed that he also looked at the Jury to judge their reactions. Like Mrs. Jackson the Prosecutor seemed confident of a win.

At this point I was still unsure of testifying against my mom; but the other person, the one sitting next to her, I hated with every inch of my soul. That man as the Prosecutor put it, hurt me, and I wanted to see him pay. So far most of the testimony though had been against my mother; and I was afraid that they were not focusing on the real culprit, Tony.

When Tony had entered the room with his own lawyer he looked real smug; and I could still see that smugness, even though his back was to me. It just emanated off of him, like a stink that just will not ever go away. Tony was the person who really made my life horrible. He was the one who beat me when I wet my pants or even my bed, which was a nightly habit for me. He also was the one who started to do things to me, things that I knew were bad; but because of fear, I kept quiet about them. So as far as I could care Tony could rot in hell. This thought was the one I grabbed onto as the Judge excused the court for the day. I wanted to see this man punished; and the only one that could do that, was me, according to the Prosecutor. Somehow or someway I need to overcome this fear; I need to get up on that witness stand. By giving my testimony, I have a chance to make sure that Tony never sees the light of day again. In my mind I saw the guards lock Tony away in a dark box, never to be allowed out again. I think my mind must be twisted, because I actually smiled at that thought.

As everyone started to clear the courtroom Dad and I waited for Uncle Justin to come and meet us, before leaving ourselves. It was suggested by my dad that we go and grab something to eat; which I was happy to hear as my tummy had been rumbling for quite some time, due to hunger. As we started to walk outside where the sun was already getting low in the sky, I shivered from the slightly chilly air.

"I guess I should have brought a coat," I mumbled to myself. I again shivered as a blast of cool air went right through me. I think it was about then I noticed that I was going to need Dad's help soon, as I felt heaviness, between my legs. "Wow I must have really had to go. I hope it will hold until we get to the restaurant," I thought to myself.

I guess Uncle Justin thought I was walking a little slow, which I was, due to the thickness between my legs, so he reached down, grabbed me behind my back, flipped me over his head and planted me onto his shoulders. From my vantage point I could now see over everyone's heads. Other then a slight worry, that my almost bursting diaper might start to leak onto Uncle Justin, I enjoyed my ride on his shoulders.

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Now in the car, Dad and Uncle Justin up front and me sitting buckled in the back, we were on our way to a local hamburger joint that had all kinds of games and things for kids to do. Dad thought that it might be a good place for me to wind down and let go of the stress that had been building since the beginning of the day; and he was sure right about that.

As we made our way through the traffic, I found myself going back to a memory that I had just before court had ended. I was thinking about Mom waking me up and dragging me out of bed.

Now, after hearing what Uncle Justin had said, about confronting my mom that day at our apartment, what happened later, now made sense.

All I can guess is that as soon as Uncle Justin had left, Mom had called the new guy she had been hanging with. Up until now, I had yet to meet him; but that was about to change. I would soon learn to regret that I ever had met the guy.

It must have been a while before Mom woke me up though, as I knew it was almost morning according to the clock. She and Tony had been loading everything they could grab and fit into his van. With the van now full, Mom came and got me. When she found me of course wet, I was shocked when she started to yell at me. Never before had she ever got upset with my wetting problem; and I couldn't understand why that wasn't the case now. Still in my piss soaked pajamas she dragged me out of the apartment and down to where Tony was loading the last of the stuff.

Like I said, this was the first time I ever met Tony; and from his reaction he had not been told about my wetting problem. I remember how much he had griped and bitched about how I was going to make his van smell like pee. This started an argument between Mom and Tony which finally ended with Mom promising that she would make it up to him.

As we left early that morning with me already slipping back into dreamland, I had no idea at that time how much worse my life was about to get. I had thought things were bad before, but I now knew things could definitely get worse.

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