Goodbye Normal Jeans

A novel by Danny



Chapter 9


"Nevada, hold still!" Dr. Wilson instructed.

My back side was hurtin' worse then ever. For some reason, it hadn't hurt near this much the first time he had stitched me back together.

I felt a sharp stabbin' pain and moaned, "Ah bug-nuts!"

"Hold still please!" Dr. Wilson said again.

"Criminently doc, I would if you stopped hurtin' me!" I grumbled.

Nugget got right in my face, "Does it hurt much Nevada?" he said jokingly.

"Trade you places any day!" I said grittin' my teeth.

Apparently Dr. Wilson wasn't in a good mood seein' how I hadn't heeded his instructions and thus he had to redo the stitches from the other night. I suspect that's why it was hurtin' so badly this time. He was probably tryin' to teach me a lesson.

"Are you done yet?" I whined to the doc.

"Hold still, please!" Dr. Wilson said and gave my head a thump with his knuckle.

"Hey! Don't break my head too!" I said in protest.

I know now that I should have kept my big mouth shut but dang, it felt like he was killin' me and takin' his sweet time doin' it too! I finally shouted, "I've seen road kill move faster than you."

Karen chimed in with, "Stop bein' a smart mouth Small Fry or I'll tell pa on you!"

I bit the inside of my cheek and suffered through the last stitch.

"That should do it." Dr. Wilson said.

Nugget playfully asked, "Do you think things will still work back there doc?"

Dr. Wilson make a humorous tittering sound, "Oh, well if he doesn't settle down and stop getting himself hurt every other day..." he thumped my head again, "then I'm afraid I might have to cut the whole thing off at the neck."

"Alright, gee-whiz you two don't got to rub it in!" I said squirmin' off the kitchen table and holdin' a towel around myself to hide my nakedness.

Dr. Wilson bent down so that he was at my eye level, placed a hand on my shoulder and asked, "Would you do me one small favor?"

I gave him an apprazing eye then apprehensively asked, "Is it goin' to hurt?"

"I expect it will hurt a great deal but I think you're man enough to take this pain." Dr. Wilson stated while poking me in the chest with his finger, "Try, and I mean try with all your might not to get hurt, sick or anything else for a while! OK?"

"Gee-whiz doc, you make it sound like you don't like seein' me no more!" I kidded with him.

Before I could block him he grabbed hold of my nose and wouldn't let go.

"HEY! I need that for pick'n!" I said tryin' to pull his hand off my booger palace.

"Promise me you'll try and I will let you go." He said almost laughin'.

"Ok-ok, I promise!" I surrendered.

"No fingers, toes or eyes crossed?" Dr. Wilson teased.

Nugget was nearly fallin' over laughin' as was Karen.

I wrapped both of my hands around his wrist to keep him from pullin' on my nose and said, "Doc you're goin' to break it off and then you will have to sew it back on too!"

Finally he let me go and I gave my nose a wiggle to make sure it still was still in workin' order. Once again I opened my big mouth one too many times and said, "Gee-whiz doc you sure are gettin' grumpy as you get old!"

"Nevada!" Karen said sternly.

Dr. Wilson just laughed it off and turned his attention to Karen, "How about I check in on your mom while I'm here. From what you have told me, there was quite a bit of excitement here this morning."

"More then I care for so early!" was Karen's response.

"Uh, do you think he go to school?" Nugget asked.

"What? Oh yes, I image that might be a tender matter in deed..." Dr. Wilson drifted off into thought before exclaimin', "I might have just the thin' for you out in the car." He poked me in the nose when he said that and continued sayin', "I'll get it for you before I leave."

After checkin' on Ma, Dr. Wilson slipped out to his car and returned with two items. The first was some sort of clear tape and I wondered if he intended to use that to tape my mouth shut. The other item looked like a blue tire inner tube like on the tractor.

He handed the tape stuff to Karen and told her, "Use this over the dressing and it should water proof the area while it heals."

I didn't really understand that right away but later I would understand.

It was Nugget that asked, "What's that?" while pointin' at the blue inner tube thang.

"Well my boy... I'm glad you asked! This is one of the greatest inventions of modern science!" Dr. Wilson said in true snake oil salesman regalia.

"What am I supposed to do with that?" I asked.

"Why, you just blow it up using this handy dandy nozzle right here and then," he leaned closer, "this is the hardest part of all... you sit on it!" Dr. Wilson said.

I thought I would try to be funny, "Does it come with explosives?"

"Explosives?" Nugget asked with his nose all scrunched up in confusion.

"Yeah, you know, to blow it up!" I said.

Nugget slapped himself in the forehead and laughed, "Oh Nevada that was really bad!"

Doc Wilson stood upright, grabbed the lapels of his suit coat and said to Nugget, "Go away lil' boy you're bothering me! Can't you see I'm talking with a customer?"

Right then Pa, Mr. Goldberg and Basset came back.

"Did you find them Pa?" Karen asked.

"Doc, I thought that was our car I saw out there." Pa said shakin' Doc Wilson's hand.

"Here to check on the misses?" pa asked.

"Nah, had to stitch up Nuggets, uh, second smile again." Doc Wilson said givin' me a wink.

I rubbed my bottom, "Yeah and you `bout kilt me too!"

Pa was still plenty mad about Kevin and I should have known better then to get mouthy when pa was around let alone when he was as upset as he was today.

Pa snapped his fingers at me and said, "You best watch that mouth boy!"

"Sorry Pa, Sorry Doc Wilson." I quickly apologized.

Nuggets pa must of already known Doc Wilson `cause he thrust out his hand and smiled with all his purdy white teeth, "Doctor Wilson! It's a pleasure as always!"

I was plumb aggravated when Karen shoed us all out of the kitchen. I wanted to hear what was goin' on but Karen made everyone else go outside except for me; she took me upstairs to get me re-diapered.

I didn't get to say goodbye to Nugget. By the time Karen was finished diaperin' me and puttin' that clear tape stuff over my stitches, Nugget, his pa, Basset and Doc Wilson had all left. There was also a terrible racket comin' from inside the barn. I figured it was pa and he was probably blowin' off some steam.

A little while after lunch I received another phone call. I had been lyin' on the floor of the livin' room readin' the funny pages when Karen called for me, "Small fry, you have a phone call."

I got to my feet as fast as I could but I'd been lyin' still so long that I got a bit stiff. That made it hurt a bit when I tried to bend my hips to get up.

I went waddlin' into the kitchen like a drunk duck and took the phone receiver.

"Hello, this is Nevada." I said.

"Hi Nevada it is Nugget! Hey I didn't get to say goodbye before and I didn't get to tell you that your dad said that it was ok for us to pick you up in the morning for school... I mean if you think you can go."

"Really? That is so nice of you to do that." I said.

"So does that mean you will be going?" Nugget asked.

"Yeah, sure, I guess so." I said.

"OK I got to go 'cause I am at my Father's work today. Since I missed so much school already today he said I could go to work with him. I am calling you from the Governor's phone right now."

"You are actually in the Governor's office?" I said in amazement.

"Yep! He is here too. Do you want to tell him hi?" he said and before I could say no he had already handed the phone to the Governor."

"Hello this is Governor, Theodore Shunning. Do I have the pleasure of addressing Mr. Nevada Doctavio?"

My mouth suddenly went dry and I didn't know what to say so I said, "My real name is Kristian Billiam Doctavio sir."

"Oh please excuse me; it does appear that my personal assistant, Mr. Nugget, had informed me incorrectly."

I could hear Nugget giggling in the background.

"Uh, that's ok, you can call me Nevada is you want. Everybody else does." I said awkwardly.

"Well then, I am indeed honored and by all means please call me Ted."

"Um, I don't think my pa would like me doin' that." I said.

"Oh, how about just Mr. Shunning then?"

"Yeah, I think that is gooder." I said.

"Splendid then!" The governor said.

"Um, Mr. Shunning sir?" I asked, "Can I talk to Nugget again please."

"Well of course you may but might I say that it has been a sincere please speaking with you Nugget."

Not knowin' what else to say I thanked him by saying, "Thank you sir, same to you too."

"Hi Nevada!" Nugget shouted into the phone nearly rupturin' my ear drum.

"Nugget you big goof! Why did you make me talk to the Governor! I was so scared I nearly fell over dead." I growled into the phone.

I could hear Nugget gigglin' hard on the other side.

"Oh sure laugh it up but when I see you again... Oh boy you just wait and see!" I said and that just made Nugget giggle louder.

Finally Nugget said, "Hey, I got to go; father wants me to make copies for him. We will be there tomorrow early ok?"

"Ok, I will be ready and waitin' on the porch!" I assured him.

"Bye Nevada!"

"Bye, see you tomorrow Mr. Nugget!" I said and giggled as I hung up the phone.

I told Karen what Nugget had said about pickin' me up and about how I got to talk to the Governor; she was impressed. I then raced in and told ma about it and she thought it was really neat too. I stayed in there with ma to keep her company for a while until she went to sleep again and then I went and got the round blue thang. It didn't take me too long to blow it up either and I tested it on one of the kitchen chairs.

"Hey that ain't so bad, but I might still be a bit sore after sittin' all day." I said to no one.

I hadn't realized that Karen was within ear shot so I was surprised when she said, "Well we can double or even triple your diapers again tomorrow and between the extra layer and that silly thang you should be just fine."


The rest of the afternoon I took it easy until everyone came home from school. The first thin' they asked was if Kevin had been found. The second thin' they asked was where pa was and lastly they all asked how ma was doin'. I told them that far as I knew Kevin was still not found, that I thought pa was in the barn or out in the fields and that ma was sleepin' the last time I checked on her.

I didn't see much of anyone after that until supper time. They all had chores and homework and what-not to do. By the time supper was on the table my bottom was hurtin' quite a bit so I blew up my sittin' tube again and sat my bottom right down on it.

"Wow Nevada, that makes you look taller when you're sittin' on it." Kane said measurin' me with his hand from the top of my head to the side of his neck.

"Hey? How the heck did you get so tall?" I asked him knowin' that there was no way that he was that much taller then I was. I looked down at his chair and saw that he was sittin' on one of his legs.

"That's cheatin'!" I complained and laughed at the same time.

After supper Kane, Kristen and I went outside and around to the back of the house where we had a rope swang hung from one of the trees. It's just an old bit of rope with a bit of wood tied to the end so you can sit or stand on it to swang. As sore as my backside was I didn't want to risk hurtin' myself again so I purdy-much just watched them swang.

We'd been back there for a good ten minutes when Kyle-Lee came around. I guess he was still feelin' sore at me `cause he weren't talkin' to me none at all. I don't think he has any reason to me sore at me. I ain't the one that got him into trouble and I ain't the one that made him wear those diapers.

"My turn!" Kyle-Lee announced.

"No way, we were here first!" Kristen said and pushed him away.

I was expectin' a fight but instead Kyle-Lee turned and walked away again.

"Bet he's goin' to tell the snitch!" Kane said with a sneer while he pumped with his legs and swung backwards.

"Let him!" Kristen said and gave Kane a big push.

"Whoa, not so hard!" Kane complained.

"You got to do it hard if you want to go high." Kristen said.

"I don't want to go too high!" Kane sounded a little anxious.

She pushed him again and as he was swangin' forward he came off the swang and flew threw the air. At first it seemed like he was just hangin' there in mid-air for the longest time but then he dropped to the ground fast. He hit feet first and then fell forward in a roll before comin' to a stop face down in a puddle. For a second I thought he meant to jump off the swang but then he didn't move.

"Can't you for once not goof around!?" Kristen shouted at Kane.

Kane didn't move.

"Alright, I get it, very funny! Ha-Ha! You can get up now!" Kristen said.

"Kane?" I called out.

"Kane?!" Kristen said louder and started to run toward him.

I started to move toward him too and saw his left hand twitch, then his leg, then his hand again. He made a sound like he was hurt bad.

Kristen fell to her knees beside Kane and picked his head up out of the small puddle of ground water. "Kane? Kane are you ok? Say somethin'!" she was nearly sobbin'.

She rolled him onto his side. His eyes were closed and he looked to be unconscious.

"Kane?" She said takin' hold of his head with both of her hands and shakin' him as if she were tryin' to wake him from a deep slumber.

Suddenly a jet of water squirted out of Kane's mouth and right into Kristen's face. Kane smiled and laughed out loud while Kristen stared at him totally shocked. I had fallen to my knees and was laughin' so dang hard that I was snortin'.

"That was not funny Kane Rupert Doctavio!" Kristen shouted as she was wipin' her face with her hands.

Kane rolled back and forth laughin' as he cheered, "I GOTCHA BOTH!"

Kristen stood up and tried to kick him but he rolled away from her foot in time to avoid her kick.

"That was so dang funny!" I cheered.

"It was not!" Kristen said stompin' over to the rope swang and gettin' on it.

"You are mad `cause you didn't think of it first." Kane said gettin' up and brushin' himself off.

"So!" Kristen said tryin' to hide a smile.

Kane went around behind her and started to push her.

"I saw that!" I said to Kristen, "I saw that smile!"

She playfully stuck her tough out at me.

"No thanks, I use toilet paper!" I joked.

"No you don't!" Kane teased!

"Oh yeah!" I said as if I had just realized that I was wearin' a diaper.



To be continued . . .