Indulgence ©2009

By Jack Llawayllynn


Chapter 33:

Matt woke to find Sin stretched out beside him in the hospital bed, his long, limber form limp with slumber. Matt had vague memories of the doctor and nurses arguing with Matt's mother and Sylvia about allowing Sin to stay in the room but they had insisted it was the family's wishes that Sin be allowed to stay. At the time Matt had been too exhausted to put in his two cents worth. He was feeling a bit stronger now though and anger began to pulse through him because he remembered too, all too well, that Sin had not come to him right away but had waited days. Days that Matt thought Sin was dead because he'd thought he'd seen him die, because he'd been running away again instead of coming to Matt when Matt needed him most. Matt let the anger gather and coil until it gave him the energy he wanted, shifted as slightly as possible and shoved with all his might, which, given his physical state, wasn't much. It was enough though. He heard Sin hit the hard hospital floor with a gratifying grunt of pain.

The doctor came in just as Sin's head popped up over the edge of the bed, mouth open, ready with some scathing remark. Matt smirked at him.

"What are you doing?" the doctor asked Sin suspiciously.

"Uh, dropped a contact lense."

"Find it?"

"Yes," Sin said, hurrying to his feet and turning away so the doctor couldn't see the lump rapidly rising on his forehead. "Yes, I did. I'll just go to the bathroom and rinse it off."

"How are you feeling this morning Mr. Darvins?"

"Starving. I want real food. No more slops."

"Well that's definitely an improvement. Yesterday you were still nearly critical and now suddenly you want solid foods."

"I want to go home too."

"In due time. I'm just glad to see so much improvement. I'll allow them to upgrade you from soup to stew."

"Come on Doc," Matt cajoled, "how about a steak?"

"Afraid that's not on the menu here. Have you coughed up any more blood today Mr. Darvins?"

"No." Matt lay still and let the doctor check his wounds and vitals. Sin was still tarrying in the bathroom, probably in there holding a wet cloth to his head, or at least Matt hoped he was, that or stemming the flow of a busted lip. Either would make Matt happy. He wanted to hurt Sin. He wished he had the strength to get out of bed and kick Sin's ass.

"Am I hurting you?" the doctor asked, noting Matt's expression.

"No. I was thinking. I want to be transferred out, go back to my own city. I have a doctor there, a Dr. Jamison..."

"I've been in contact with her. She's called to check on you several times. I'm sure she would agree that moving you right now would not be in your best interest."

"I want to go home. I need to. My father is in the hospital and my mother is here because I am in the hospital here. Ship me out or I walk out against doctor's orders."

The doctor laughed softly and patted Matt's arm. "Son, you couldn't walk if you tried. Do you even know how long you've been here?"

Matt blinked and tried to think. "Five or six days I guess."

"Try two weeks."

"What? No way."

"'Fraid so, son. You just stay put a little longer then we'll talk about getting you home."

"But my father..."

"Your mother went home yesterday Mr. Darvins. She came in and said goodbye. I was with her. You've been on a lot of pain medication, it can make your memory a bit weak. I had the dosage reduced this morning. You seem to be doing fine on the lower dose."

Matt blinked again. "What about the other lady that was here, Miss Sylvia, and the man in black, Gunner. What about Nathan?"

"They've all gone home. The only one who's been with you for the past three days is that liar in the bathroom. He doesn't wear contacts. I would have noticed by now. What happened? You shove him out of your bed?"

Matt snorted at the doctor's perception. "How'd you guess?"

"What else would he be doing on the floor after insisting on sleeping in your bed all this time?"

"And you didn't have a problem with him doing that?"

"You didn't give me much choice, you insisted as well, started ripping at your IV lines when we tried to kick him out."

"Jesus," Matt muttered in self disgust. He'd had every intention of punishing Sin by pushing him away, running him off rather than let him run off on his own again and instead here he'd been clinging to the man.

"You love him, yes?"

Matt eyed the doctor speculatively. "You're gay."


"No wonder you've been so understanding. Yeah, I love him but I hate him too."

"Understandable. I was given a little bit of background by the one who calls himself Gunner. I needed to know what I was dealing with here." The doctor patted Matt's arm once more then turned. "Give me a few more days before you try walking out, alright? And as for your bathroom bandit, I must say this: he's not left your side since he got here."

Sin stuck his head out of the bathroom, checked that the coast was clear then emerged grinning. "Alone at last and you lucid." He sported a large purpling knot over one eye but it didn't diminish his mischievous leer.

"What do you mean alone at last?" Matt asked, shifting in his bed uncomfortably.

Sin walked over and looked down at him while he made tutting noises. "All those tubes and wires. You laying there, so helpless." Sin reached out and stripped the blanket off Matt in a single sweep, leaving his naked body exposed to the cold air of the hospital room.

"Damn it Sin, what do you think you're doing?"

Sin stood silent a moment, perusing the long length of exposed flesh on the bed then a corner of his mouth twitched up like a cat catching sight of a fat mouse. "Well, the doc just made his rounds. It's 7:02 and the nurse won't be in here for her rounds until 7:15. That gives me plenty of time to do what I want with you my wee helpless one."

"You've got to be kidding! Sin, no really..." Matt voice trailed off as Sin's hand lowered to his rib cage and slid warmly down his sides. For a moment Matt just stared at the rising purple lump on Sin's forehead then sensations seeped in and Matt closed his eyes. No, he hadn't forgiven Sin but damn his hands felt good. "I'm...I'm not sure it's safe for me heart was nearly damaged Sin." Matt stuttered out.

"Oh, I think it will do you plenty of good. You've been up to all kinds of games since I've been gone and you'll confess each and every one of them to me Matt...when I'm ready for you to. Until then I'm just reclaiming territory."

The beeping of the machines hooked to Matt began to beep a little faster. Sin though was moving like molasses, hands sliding, slipping, smoothing, pressing. Matt didn't open his eyes. Instead he inhaled deeply. Sin's jacket was nearby, thrown across a chair. He could smell it even over the heavy fog of hospital disinfectants. It smelled so good. It smelled like home.

Sin's long fingered hands splayed out over Matt's stomach and Matt sucked it in involuntarily, his muscles quavering. God how he'd missed Sin's touch! The hands slid down to his left thigh, smoothing, soothing, reached the knee and lifted, bending Matt's knee up and out. Sin leaned in and lightly bit the flesh of his exposed inner thigh then slowly the hands straightened the leg and laid it flat once more. Matt's breathing became heavier and his hands closed into fists in the sheets. Sin's hands skimmed down his shin, his calf, lingered around his ankle then swooped to ease his heel off the bed, the long fingers massaging the ball of Matt's foot. Matt melted further into his bed, reveling in the soothing feel of it until Sin's head dipped and Sin bit him in the arch of the foot, hard. Matt's leg jerked in reflex and but Sin had already moved away and his fingers were now digging softly into the ball of Matt's right foot. Sin's head dipped again and his warm mouth closed over Matt's big toe. Matt tried to pull his foot away.

"Don't. My feet are...dirty" Matt gasped out.

"No they aren't." Sin's breath was warm on the wet flesh of Matt's toe as he spoke. "I washed them myself, just this morning, just as I have every morning and evening that I've been here and they have touched nothing but clean sheets. Your feet are perfectly, deliciously clean." Sin's tongue ran the length of the bottom of Matt's foot. It was all Matt could do not to try to pull away again. Sin began to work his way up Matt's foot then his ankle, kisses, licks, little nibbles, up his shin, a bite to the knee, tongue lapping his thigh, then higher, in the hollow where leg meets groin then over until finally, finally Sin's warm mouth closed over Matt's hard cock. He sucked him gently only for a moment then began to rush him in a frenzy. Matt bucked, trying to keep up, trying to hold back, wanting to cum, wanting to make it last, teetering. Sin would not let him hold back though. Around them the machines beeped at a more and more alarming rate. Matt came suddenly and hard, eyes rolled back, fists clenched while Sin drained him dry. And then Sin's laughter, that mocking, controlling, possessing laughter that always washed over Matt when he felt most vulnerable to Sin, most at his mercy, and most in love with him. Emotions rocketed through Matt like his lust had, leaving him just as drained in spirit as he was in body.

Sin was tucking the sheets and covers neatly around Matt's shoulders by the time a nurse came hurrying in to check on him.

"His heart rate is extremely elevated," she said glaring at Sin. "Did you say something to upset him? Hurt him in some way?"

"No," Sin said grinning a smile full of guilty pleasures.

The nurse eyed him warily and edged away from him to thumb back Matt's eyelids. "Are you alright Mr. Darvins?" she asked worriedly.

"Yes...yes, I'm fine," Matt finally managed to gasp out. "I...had a bad dream, that's all."

"Hmmph" the nurse snorted and eyed Sin again. "I don't know why the doctor lets him stay."

"Because where I go he goes," Sin said roughly.

"Since when?" Matt demanded and tried to sit up. "Since when dammit! You ran out on me! You left me!"

The nurse, becoming alarmed pressed Matt back against the pillows. "Please Mr. Darvins, calm down."

"Tell her Sin! Tell her how you left me. Tell her how you walked away and left me to be chained to a wall at the Club and handed over to Razor. He cut me, you bastard! Marked me! And you let him!"

Sin's grin faded to a grim mask. "I was wrong."

"You were wrong? That's all you have to say for yourself? You were wrong? What about I'm sorry Matt? What about I love you Matt? What about me almost getting killed trying to find you? Huh? Damn straight you were wrong. Get out! Get out now!" Matt was struggling against the nurse, pushing and grunting and beginning to sob. "Get him the fuck out of here!" he begged the nurse.

Two orderlies appeared in the doorway and Sin realized the nurse must have pressed an alarm button. He held up his hands in defeat. "Fine. I'm going. I'm going okay?" he grabbed up his jacket and stalked out, visions of Razor dancing behind his eyes. Visions of Razor taking his beloved razor blade to Matt's flesh.

* * * * *

"I need Matt's cell phone," Sin stared at Nathan, hoping he wasn't going to have to make a big scene to get what he wanted.

"Matt say you could have it?" Nathan asked warily.

"No. Matt is agitated right now. They cut back his pain meds and he's remembering things. Bad things. I need to know exactly what happened while I was gone. I can't help him get over it if I don't know what it is."

"I know. I know what his worse nightmare was."

"He told you?" Sin asked skeptically.

"You're an idiot Michael. You leaving is what happened. You're his nightmare. That's what led to everything else. No, I don't know what else but I know you left him and he was hurt, badly, long before the explosion hurt him again."

"I need that phone Nathan. I need to talk to Gunner."

"Tell you what, I'll call the hospital and ask Matt if you can have it."

Sin sighed. "Whatever. He'll say no and I won't be able to help him. I'm really the only one that can you know. If I'm the sickness then I'm sure to be the only cure."

"You're a vain bastard asshole," Nathan growled but picked up the house phone and dialed the hospital. He exchanged a few words with the nurse on duty then hung up. "They've had to sedate him again. The nurse said you upset him so badly they had to knock him out with meds. Nice going."

"I need that phone Nathan. If I'm going to make it right I need to talk to Gunner."

Nathan stared at Sin a moment longer then made up his mind. "On one condition. I give you the phone, then you make your calls, then we talk. You're going to tell me who my father is, our father is."

Sin didn't hesitate. He'd been planning on telling Nathan soon anyway. He nodded and Nathan went to fetch Matt's cell phone. Sin took it to the bedroom that had once belonged to his mother, the bed where Matt had slept while he had stalked Sin in town and the bed that he himself had slept in before he'd given up his guilt and went to Matt in the hospital. Gunner answered on the second ring, expecting Matt. "So, decided to give up Sin for good yet, pet?" Gunner asked in greeting.

"He's not your pet, he's mine," Sin growled back.

"Oh ho, so now you want him back eh? Do you really or is it just another temporary fix? Just want him back because he's not yours and once he is yours again will you just throw him away again?"

"I fucked up, okay? Some shit went down. I can't explain it to you Gunner."


"I didn't think Matt wanted me, only needed me. That's the best I can do to try to explain it. It's a long story."

Gunner snorted. "What do you want from me Sin? A play by play of my games with Matt?"

"Yeah, for starters, and any other play by play you may know about. Like Andy for example."

"Ah sweet little Andy. Andy was just Matt cuttin' loose. He used that boy like you used him and threw him away a lot faster. I hear he's Cooper's boy now."

"That so? What about you?"

"Well now, first there was the problem of Matt stealing Froggie from Razor in revenge for Razor marking him."

"Matt stole Froggie from Razor?" Sin's knees felt weak and he sat down on the side of the bed.

Gunner laughed. And then he talked. He enjoyed spelling it all out for Sin. Bit by bit. Lash by lash. Every little detail. Sin had no problems picturing each scene in his mind and he knew those scenes would stay with him always, haunt him and taunt him and it was his own fault. Matt was right, he HAD been through hell while Sin was away and running and Matt had obviously done some growing up as well. He was changed. Just how changed was yet to be seen.

"You really need to talk to Trev next. He can tell you even more. Hang on, here's his number." Sin could hear the gloating in Gunner's tone. He didn't know if he could handle hearing more but he had to. He had to know the whole story, or as much of it as possible. He hung up with Gunner and immediately called Trev. Trev told him everything that Gunner had and then some and took just as much joy in the telling of it. It was torture to hear. Torture that Sin knew he deserved.

"So what you're telling me is Matt has made Master status at the club but has chosen to remain a slave?"

"Your slave Sin. Yours is the only collar he'll wear."

"I think I've heard enough." Just when Sin thought he could take no more Trev dropped a bomb on him.

"If you are really going to try to make things right with Matt you better call the boy's Mamma," Trev said sternly.

"His mother? What for?"

"To tell her the truth. Let her understand what happened, why it happened. It's the least you could do. You almost cost her her son more than once. Don't you think you owe her an explanation and an apology?"

"Oh fuck," Sin groaned.

"And don't use that kind of language with her. She a Christian lady you know."

"I know that, thanks anyway," Sin said, meaning to sound sarcastic but his voice just came out tired. Trev was right. Mrs.Darvins had come to terms with Matt being gay but she really did deserve to know why Matt had almost died in that explosion. If he wanted Matt back, and he did, oh how he did, he would have to weave a web of trust for Matt to fall back on and stick to. Otherwise he would never believe anything Sin ever said to him, would always wonder if Sin would run off again. Sin knew this was his final chance with Matt, if he hadn't blown it already. Matt had thrown him out of his room today but Sin didn't think he meant it, not really. Did he? And there was still the mystery of the black collar that Sin had found in Matt's bag. What did it mean? He didn't know but he wanted to find out. To find out he had to win Matt back for good. He had to call Matt's mother. Dialing her number was the hardest thing that Sin had ever done.