Date: Mon, 9 Jun 2008 19:42:56 -0700
From: Danny <m12@thedoghousemail.com>
Subject: Simon's Journal: Thirteen Days, Chapter 6 of 13

Simon's Journal
Volume I

Thirteen Days - The First Crusade
A novel by Danny

Chapter 6
February 21, 2004 Saturday
      "Simon"
      "S-i-m-o-n"
      "Pssst, S-i-m-o-n wake up."
      I groaned and pulled the covers up over my head. I
heard someone whisper my name or was I dreaming it?
      "Simon! Come on wake up!"
      "It's Saturday." I grunted from under the covers.
      Someone pulled the covers off my head.
      "I know it's Saturday but I still want you to get
up."
      "That's not my mom or my dad's voice?" I thought to
myself as somewhere in the back of my head my brain was
trying to connect the voice with a face and a name.
      Somehow I managed to get one eye open just a crack,
it was still completely dark so I risked opening it a
little more but still could not see who was interrupting
such a good sleep. I felt the covers being slid off my
bare back.
      "Don't!" I groaned again while putting my head under
the pillow, "It's cold!"
      "Shhh!" the voice hushed.
      I felt a hand come to rest between my shoulder
blades. It felt warm against my skin and I didn't resist
the touch as I slowly drift back into blissful slumber.
      Still, whomever it was persisted in their efforts to
wake me up. I felt the hand moving ever so slowly up to
my neck. I could feel a finger slip under the pillow and
reach my hairline and then a second and a third; without
any warning the fingers took hold of a healthy nip of my
hair and yanked! That did the trick; I was awake now. I
pulled my head out from under the pillow with a yelp and
both eyes open, or as open as I could get them so early
in the morning and so abruptly. I squinted to see who it
was and saw the silhouette of Tater laying on his side
next to me, his right hand now innocently resting on his
own hip. His form was highlighted by the red glow from
the alarm clock sitting on the night table behind him.
      "What'd you go and do that for?" I cried while
rubbing the back of my head.
      "Good morning my precious." he smirked and I
recognized the bad Gollum impression. The way the red
glow was highlighting his hair it looked like Tater had a
serious case of bed-head as well.
      Still rubbing the back of my head soothingly I
asked, "What time is it?"
      "It's almost five in the morning." He said still
smiling.
      "Five? What the? Why did you wake me up so blasted
early?" groaning again I fell back into the pillow face
first with my left hand firmly clapped over the back of
my head protecting my hairline as the previous nights
adventure came flooding back in full detail. I felt so
embarrassed and wished with every fiber of my being to
become invisible.
      "I always get up this early so I can go to the gym
before it gets packed with old fat business men." Tater
said.
      "That's not very nice." I muttered not really
hearing all of what he said but I got the gist of it
anyway. He then pulled the covers completely off of me
exposing the back of my nude body to the sudden coldness
of the morning and I knew that one or both of us had wet
during the night as a chill ran through my little
moistened body.
      "It's too cold!" I whined, "And you can't go to the
gym, it's too icy outside." My words went muffled into
the pillow and I pulled my elbows in closer to try to
stay warm.
      I felt the bed move under me a bit as he lean in
closer to me. I could feel his warm breath on my left ear
and despite my embarrassment over last nights' experience
I didn't protest his close proximity to me.
      With a breathy whisper, which kind of tickled he
said, "You ever think of getting your ear pierced?"
      "Huh?" I mumbled into the pillow though I had heard
him perfectly well.
      "You ever think of getting your ear pierced?" he
spoke softly again.
      "No!" I grunted again into the pillow.
      "You would look good with an earring right here." He
kissed my ear lobe and I shivered from the touch of his
lips as well as from the chilling of my wet skin.
      The bed shook as he got up from it; I pulled my face
free from the pillow to see where he was going. The room
was still lit only by the red glow of his radio and clock
displays. It actually was eerie to only be able to see
faint highlights of his body and the rooms furnishings
washed in red. He flipped on the black light and it
surprised me at how non-invasive it was. The room came to
life in vibrant colors again but the light did not hurt
my eyes at all. He pulled open one of the middle drawers
in his dresser, reached in and got something but I didn't
see what he had retrieved. I rolled over on my side and
propped myself on my elbow.
      "You awake now?" he asked.
      "Did I have a choice?" I snarled at him all the
while drinking in the site of his fully exposed body. I
saw for the first time, his dangling penis and even in
its restful state I found it mesmerizing. Tater had no
body hair to speak of, only the dark bush that sat atop
his young manhood like a crown of glory. Tater caused his
two pectoral muscles to dance up which caused my lips to
curve up into a smile. He smiled back knowing that he was
teasing me.
      Beckoning with his closed fist he said quietly,
"Come on, lets go down to the basement and take our
showers. We can work out down there this morning instead
- I mean if you are still interested in building up that
body of yours."
      He was standing there in all his natural glory,
completely unashamed and I could almost feel his eyes
exploring my body from head to toe or was that just my
imagination?
      "Your serious?" I asked rubbing the sleep from one
eye and looking at the clock with the other.
      "Yea! Come on before anyone else wakes up!" he said
while pulling on a pair of shorts.
      He tossed me a pair of shorts. I was still half
asleep and my arms did not go up to catch them so they
hit me in the face. I used it as an excuse to fall
backwards into the pillow  and play dead.
      I felt him grab hold of my big toe and pull. I sat
back up letting the shorts fall from my face to my lap as
he said, "Come on or else!"
      I gave him one of my 'I'm so dang cute' looks and
asked, "Or else what?"
      He pulled harder on my toe and said with an evil
grin, "You don't really want to go there do you?"
      I decided that I didn't want to know what 'or else'
was and I whined, "Ah Man! I usually get to sleep-in on
the weekends!"
      Feeling slightly relieved as he let go of my toe I
watched as he went to the door, opened it and a faint
light spilled into the room exactly the way a fog rolls
into a town. He paused and looked back at me. The edges
of his body glowed from the hallway light. I was just
getting out of the bed; I felt clammy all over. It was
the first time in a very long time that I had slept in a
bed so wet and it was the first time I had slept in a wet
bed that was wet by more then just me and was also the
first time I had ever slept completely nude. My legs,
bottom, privates, belly, back and chest all felt cold and
clammy as I stepped into the shorts and pulled them up
over my belly-button. I turned to follow and saw him
leaning against the doorframe staring at me intently and
looking like someone that had just stepped out of a
dream.
      "What about the bed?" I asked ignoring his obvious
ogling's and taking my first steps of the morning.
      He whispered back. "Don't worry about it! I'll
change the sheets after we go workout and get washed up."
      I followed him out of the room. Walking softly and
purposefully so as to not make any noise we eventually
made our way down to the kitchen where he opened a door
beside the refrigerator. Inside the door it was
completely dark; I mean I couldn't even see two inches
into the abyss.
      "Uh, Tater?" I quietly whined.
      "Yea?" he asked as he entered the void.
      I took a deep breath, "Is this a good time to tell
you that I am scared of the dark?"
      Only a couple steps down he turned and look at me
for several seconds before he asked, "Are you serious?"
      "Na" I lied, "but can you turn on the light so I can
at least see where I am going?" I knew I wasn't very
convincing.
      He gave a small snicker, "Wait there - I will go
down and turn on the light."
      Watching him vanish into the darkness gave me cold
shivers like something had enveloped him or that he had
passed into another dimension never to be seen or heard
from again. From somewhere in the depths of the darkness
I heard a squeek like someone trying to muffle a cry of
pain.
      "You ok down there Tater?" I whispered obviously too
low for him to ever hear me. He didn't answer and it
seemed to take forever before the darkness was banished
and the wooden stairs came into view. Seconds later he
reappeared standing at the bottom of the steps waving me
down, "Come on Spaz!"
      "Arrgg! Again with the nickname!" I thought to
myself as I descended the staircase.
      The basement was exactly what I would expect a
basement to be like. It was dank and the air smelled
musty and dirty. The air was quite cool but not cold
however the concrete floor was pretty darn cold against
my bare feet. The walls were old stone with years of dust
caked on them. Overhead the floorboards could be seen
between the beams, which were covered in years of
abandoned cobwebs. Along one wall was a bank of old
wooden shelves painted a horrible color of green and
packed with boxes, jars, trinkets and assorted Christmas
decorations. Over to one side stood one of those old
plastic yard Santa's that you see light up at night. Old
Saint Nick looked kind of scary standing there all alone.
      The basement seemed larger then the house above it
and I guess that is because it was so open and void of
furnishings. I followed Tater back toward the direction
that I guessed was taking us under the front living room
where we passing through a stone archway that Tater had
to duck slightly to get under but I was able to walk
normally through.
      I still don't know why I did what I did next.
Without thinking I reached up and tugged the back of
Taters shorts down exposing his firm round bubble butt.
Tater yelped, "Hey! Stop screwing around!" and pulled
them back up without even turning to look at me.
      Once on the other side of the archway I saw that we
had walked into what looked like an old torture chamber
but with slightly more modern looking torture devices and
machines. Swinging from the ceiling were two light bulbs
with chains dangling from them. They managed to
illuminate the large room enough to make one believe he
were indeed in some remote part of a castle dungeon. The
word 'torture' kept echoing in my head like a bad movie
sound effect.
      This room felt a bit cooler then the other part of
the basement we had just come from. Tater stopped before
what looked like the front end of some very old, very
large automobile. He pulled down on a short black lever
and the contraption started to hiss and slowly a low
rumble began to grow as if something big and bad was
coming up from the depths of hell. Just behind the black
metal grill an orange-red glow was building and I could
feel a faint warmth emanating from it.
      "That should warm things up in here a bit." Tater
said with a satisfied sound to his voice.
      I wanted to ask what on earth or maybe not of earth
that thing was. I had never in my life seen a contraption
like it; every few seconds it would make a grumbling
belching sound followed by the pinging of metal.
      Grateful to get away from this contraption that
seemed to be coming alive I follow him over to the other
side of room to where the weights were laying scattered
as if someone had just been using them before we came
down.
      "My dad built this room for me and my friends to use
a couple years back." Tater said eyeing his reflection in
a wall of mirror tiles.
      GROOOAAANNNN - PING - PING - Ping - ping . . .
      I jumped easily ten feet in the air at the sound
behind me. Tater just laughed, "Easy now Spaz, it will do
that until it gets warmed up!"
      "What the heck is that thing?" I gasped while clutching at
my bare chest.
      "Dad made that too." He said walking over to a small
set of shelves that were precariously tilting to one
side.
      "Yea but what it is?" I asked again.
      He pulled a red notebook binder from the bottom
shelf. The beast gave another groan followed by several
more pings. Though I managed to keep both feet on the
floor this time I still took another step away from it.
      "It's a heater what do you think it is." He said
sitting down on the weight bench.
      "I've never seen any heater like that before." I
said taking a couple more steps away from it.
      Tater didn't comment. He was busy leafing through
the binder obviously looking for something in particular.
I was about to ask him what he was looking for when he
announced, "Ah! Here it is!"
      He stood up and came to stand next too me, "I knew
we still had it. I've been thinking about it since last
night." he said.
      "What?" I asked as he lowered the binder so I could
see.
      "I figure you are about the same size and build that
I was when I started. This has a lot of great workouts
you can do and you don't need any weights, a gym or
anything like that." He was leafing through the pages
pointing at pictures of boys of various sizes and builds
demonstrating different exercises. If I had to guess I
would say that most of the boys were around fourteen or
fifteen and in almost every picture they were wearing
nothing but a black string that held a small piece of
black fabric over their privates leaving their backsides
and all the rest of them in full view. Most of them
looked to be fairly well built, not big like Tater, more
like me only taller and with more definition. I also
noticed that not a single one of them had any body hair,
not even under there arms, at least the ones that I could
see their armpits.
      "You want to shower now or get right to working
out?" he asked laying the binder open on the weight
bench.
      By now I was standing with my arms wrapped around
myself and my toes were almost freezing on the cold
concrete floor and since I was only wearing a pair of his
shorts my body was growing increasingly colder.
      "I'm pretty cold and I would like to wash off. Don't
you think that if we start sweating it is going to smell
up the place?" I said.
      "Ok, we can take a warm shower which will help warm
us both up and that will give it time to heat up in here
s'more too." He said leading me over to the back corner
of the room were there was a drain in the floor and some
water pipes coming down the stone wall from upstairs
someplace and ending at a big black calcium encrusted
shower nozzle that was about half the size of my head.
      "Let me turn on the water so that it can get warm
before we get under it or you will really be cold." He
said reaching up and turning the two handles to point
straight down. It wasn't a faucet like I had expected. It
was just two water valves in the middle of the two pipes
that came down and formed into one pipe just about the
shower nozzle. It didn't look like much but it did the
job.
      "Go ahead and take off your shorts, I will get a
couple towels and the soap." He said walking back over to
the titling shelves.
      He came back with the towels and hung them from a
couple of nails sticking out of one of the ceiling
joists. I remember being amazed that he could reach that
high. If I stood on my tiptoes I couldn't even come close
to reaching the nails.
      He reached a hand under the water to test the
temperature, readjusted the left handle and then tested
the water again. "There that's good." He said looking at
me. "Hey come on, loose the shorts!"
      He pulled his own shorts down with one quick tug and
despite seeing his full body only moments ago up in his
room now with the light from the two hanging bulbs I
could see every inch of him clearly and I couldn't help
but to gawk at him.
      I could tell he was enjoying having me taking mental
images of his beautiful body. He was trying to suppress a
grin and before I could react he reached down and yanked
the shorts off of my body. My hands instinctively went to
cover my nudity but he quickly blocked them both.
      Taking hold of both of my wrists he looked up into
my eyes for a moment and then pulled me under the warm
water with him. The water felt so nice and warm and we
both just basked in it for a few minutes before starting
to wash. Tater started to soap up first and I just let
the warm water fall on my head and flow down over me as I
watched him. I remember thinking to myself that the
moment I got home today I was going to lock myself in my
room and write every single thing that had happened up to
this point in my spiral notebook in painstaking detail so
that I would never forget any of it.
      He handed me the soap and asked me to wash his back
for him which I gladly did as he squatted down to my
level. It was wondrous to touch his body in the light
were I could see each muscle as well as feel them. I took
my time washing his back and as I got lower toward his
buttocks he stood back up and turned around.
      "Ok now turn around so I can wash yours." He
instructed and I was a little disappointed that I didn't
get to caress his rear.
      Tater didn't waste any time in washing my back, to
my disappointment and before I knew it our shower was
over.
      He handed me my towel from the nail above us and I
dried off as he announced, "Ok lets get to work!"
      I started to reach for my shorts but when he didn't
put his on I decided not to put mine on either. I quickly
learned however, that Tater was all business when it came
to working out and though he was careful not to over do
it with me, he sure worked me hard. He taught me several
good exercises that I was surprised at there simplicity
and yet the degree of effectiveness at working the
intended muscle groups. He also took the time to teach me
the names of some of my muscles.
      We worked out for about forty-five minutes or so I
think, there was no clock anywhere down there so that is
just a rough guess. As I did the evening before I sat
atop Taters shoulders while he did his pushups. I had no
trouble keeping my balance and he let me read through
some of the exercises and look at the pictures of the
boy's in it while he was doing his pushups. It felt so
good having my bare buttocks in direct contact with his
shoulders and when he would lift his head up his hair
would tickle my legs.
      Once we were done we both needed to shower again
which we did quickly and afterward got back
into our shorts.
      I was feeling kind of disappointed that Tater seemed
to suddenly be giving me the cold shoulder. He had awaked
something inside of me and being so close to his nude
body down there in his private muscle chamber I just
wanted to touch him and experience again everything from the
night before.
      Once we had returned to his room we both got
dressed. I helped him strip his bed, the sheets were
completely soaked nearly to the point of dripping and we
used the two pillowcases to wipe off the plastic sheet
before we put clean sheets back on. Tater returned the
pillow I had been using to his closet and as I was
slipping my second shoe on he said, "Come here a second."
      He was standing by the open closet door and without
hesitation I quickly finished tying my shoe and did as he
asked. He took me by the shoulders and repositioned me in
between him and the mirror just as he had done the night
before.
      Watching his reflection in the mirror I saw his
right hand slip into his pocket and back out again. "So
what did you think of your first workout?" he asked.
      "It was good." I said.
      "If you do those same exercises every night before
going to bed and every morning as soon as you wake up
within two weeks you will start to see the changes in
your body, maybe even sooner." His left hand found my jaw
and caressed it and I felt a tingling in my toes at his
touch.
      "You think you can do that?" he asked.
      "Yea! I can do it! I will do it!" I said leaning my
head slightly into his hand.
      "Ok, then I will make a deal with you. You do that
and I will work out with you every Saturday and Sunday
down in our basement ok?" he offered.
      I couldn't help but to sound excited at the thought
of seeing his naked bulk every weekend. "YES!" I said
exuberantly.
      "One other condition." He said looking into the eyes
of my reflection.
      I looked back up into his reflection before turning
around to fix my eyes directly on him, "I'll never tell."
I said adding a toothy smile. We knew that we were both
thinking about last night without actually having to say
the words.
      He raised his hand back to my face and brushed my
bangs out of my eyes, "I want to give you something, turn
back around." He said and I did.
      "This here was my first earring." He reached for my
left ear, "It's real gold so don't loose it."
      I started to reach for my ear to block him.
      "Relax Spaz! Man you get so excited! It's a guys
non-pierced earring." He pulled gently on my lobe and
slipped it on my ear. I could feel the pressure of it
gripping to my ear but it was not painful. He let his
hands rest on my shoulders as I turned my head slightly
to get a better look at it. It was a sweet little gold
loop and it looked really good on me if I do say so
myself.
      I beamed up at his reflection. "Wow Tater! Thank you
so much!" I reached up and tapped it with my finger.
      He slid his hands up around my neck as if he were
about to strangle me and titled my head backwards as he
leaned over me and kissed me full on the lips for a good
three or four seconds. I felt my body heat skyrocket and
that tingling in my toes was now ebbing through my whole
body. He let me go and reached down to retrieve his shoes
from the closet.
      From outside Tater's bedroom door I heard what I
assumed was Mike opening his own door. I looked back at
myself in the mirror for one last inspection of the
earring before closing the closet door.
      While Tater was finishing putting on his shoes I
stood by the foot of the bed watching him intently. That
tingling feeling had not subsided and I so much wanted
him to touch me and to kiss me again. I took a step
closer to him, his head came up and we made eye contact.
I took another step closer; he stopped tying his shoe and
leaned up. I fully expected him to say something, to
object, anything really but he didn't. I was standing
right in front of him now, the tips of our shoes nearly
touching. I was scared and excited all at once but I took
the plunge and reached out my hand to touch his face.
      Much to my joy he reached out and took hold of my
waste, pulled me into him and positioned me so that I was
sitting on his left leg. "You needing another go?" he
said.
      I guess my eyes asked the question of what that
meant because he added, "You want to do again what we did
last night?"
      I couldn't speak so I nodded my head. He smiled and
kissed me full on the mouth. It was glorious, my whole
body felt like it was singing. My heart was racing faster
then I had ever known it to go. I've no idea how long we
kissed and when he finally pulled his lips away from mine
he was smiling.
      "I think we probably should go downstairs now." He
said hugging me tightly.
      Reluctantly I surrendered and we filed out of his
room with him carrying his wet sheets. About half way
down the hall he stopped and pushed the sheets through a
little metal doorway in the wall.
      "What's that?" I asked having never seen or heard of
a laundry shoot before.
      He told me that it went to the laundry room down in
the basement but I didn't remember seeing the laundry
room while we were down there, nonetheless I took his
word for it.
      As we passed the bathroom, the door was closed and I
figured Mike was in there taking his morning pee,
brushing his teeth or something like that. Their little
sister Lacy had already abandoned her room. We found her
sitting in front of the television in the living room
still in her pajamas watching cartoons. I almost said
something about her hair looking like something a cat had
dragged in but I chose not to say it and instead said,
"Good morning Lacy." we passed her. She didn't pay either
of the slightest notice.
      In the kitchen I expected to see Mrs. Winston; I
don't know why but I was surprised when she wasn't there.
"Where's your mom?" I asked.
      "Probably still in bed." I heard Mike say and I
turned to see him standing in the kitchen doorway still
in his nightclothes and still looking just as disgusted
with me, as he had been last night.
      "Oh good morning." I said trying to be polite
despite the daggers coming from his eyes.
      He looked over at Tater and when I saw the look he
gave him it made me wonder about something Tater had said
yesterday evening when I was sitting on his shoulders
while he was doing pushups: "Mikey used to do it for me
but won't any more . . . He thinks he is too grown up."
Tater was talking about how Mike used to sit on his
shoulders just the way I had done and something else
started to form in my mind that I wasn't quite sure I was
ready to think about. I managed to push it out of my head
for the time being as Mike went over to the refrigerator
and took out a half-gallon jug of milk.
      Tater said, "Yea mom stays in bed a bit later on the
weekends. It is her time alone."
      "Sleeping in on the weekend sounds good to me." I
said flippantly to Tater who threw a dry sponge from off
the sink at me; I amazed myself when I actually caught
it.
      The four of us sat at the kitchen table and had milk
and Pop Tarts for breakfast though it was a serious job
getting Lacy away from the TV. She really is a sweet
little girl but she truly likes her cartoons. Tater, Lacy
and I talked while we ate but Mike didn't say a single
word the whole time. I was doing my best to not let it
bother me and Tater didn't seem to notice.
      About the time we were cleaning up, the phone rang.
Mike had been standing right next to the phone when it
rang and he let out a screech that made Tater and I laugh
so hard. Even Mike thought it was funny. He ended up
answering the phone with a giggled, "Hello?" and then
held it out to me, "It's your dad." He said.
      I took it from him and said, "Hi dad!" still
laughing at Mike.
      "You sound like you are having a good time. Are you
ready to come home, yet?" he asked.
      "Is it still icy?" I asked.
      "Not too bad, I have to run to the post office to
put my taxes in the mail and I thought if you were ready
to come home I would pick you up on my way back." He
said.
      "Ok that sounds good." I said back.
      "I should be there in about forty-five minutes." He
added.
      "Ok, I will be ready. Bye!" I said just before he
said goodbye.
      I hung up the phone and told Tater and Mike that dad
was going to be picking me up in about forty-five
minutes. We finished washing, drying and putting our
plates and glasses away from breakfast and then Tater
disappeared for a few minutes only to return from the
basement with the red binder in his hand.
      "Here, take this with you, in case you forget how to
do any of the exercises you can just look them up." He
said handing me the binder.
      I took it with a smile. I knew I could not openly
express how I felt. Not with Mike in the room but the
look Tater gave me told me he knew what I was thinking
and I just smiled and said, "Thanks!"
      I saw Mike walk out of the kitchen and I decided to
follow him to try to talk with him. I was not sure but I
had a hunch that my wetting was not what was bothering
him.
      Just as he was going into his room I called after
him, "Mike wait up."
      He stopped for a moment, looked at me with that same
disgusted sneer before going into his room. However he
did not close his bedroom door so I followed him in.
      "Mike can we talk?" I asked sullenly.
      "About what?" he said with that same tone he had
used last night.
      I closed his door before I went and sat on the
corner of his bed. He was getting in his dresser and
pulling out some clothes.
      "Well about us - about last-night. You were so happy
to have me stay over and then when you found out about my
. . ." I stumbled over my words, "my uh, problem," I
couldn't actually name it, "you got all weird and said .
. . well you know what you said."
      He kept his back to me as he continued to pull out
clothes and it gave me just the smallest bit of pleasure
to see that his sock drawer was as disorganized as mine.
	"That just shows how much you know then!" he scoffed
not sounding like himself but reminding me of someone else
that I couldn't quite put my finger on at the moment. It
wasn't until I was home and writing all of this down that
I figured out that he sounded like Agent Pleakley from
the cartoon movie 'Lilo & Stitch'.
      "What is that supposed to mean?" I asked though I
still thought I knew what was really bothering him but
out of fear that I was totally wrong I didn't want to
expose my hand just yet.
      I heard him make a noise of disgust as he slammed
his sock drawer closed and went to his closet.
      "So you are saying you don't have a problem with me
being a bed wetter?" Oh my gawd I couldn't believe I
actually said it out loud.
      He had a black and orange shirt in his hand and he
threw on the floor, which was a better place for it as it
was really a horrible looking shirt. He turned around red
faced and eyes burning with anger, "You going to lie to
me too?" he said threw clenched teeth.
      "What on earth are you talking about?" I said, my
voice starting to rise a bit.
      "Yea, whatever!" he bent down and picked the vial
black and orange shirt back up from the floor and
proceeded to put it back on its hanger.
      I dropped my face into my hands and sat there for a
minute or two trying to think. When I looked back up he
had taken off his light blue pajama top and was still
standing with his back to me. He pulled out a nice shiny
green shirt that looked expensive and slipped it over his
head. From the back he looked odd in that nice shirt and
his light blue pajama bottoms still on.
      "Would you mind leaving so I can change my pants?"
he said sounding annoyed.
      "Nope, not going anywhere 'til you tell me what has
you so mad at me! What'd I do?" I said folding my arms
over my chest as if to demonstrate my resolve to stay
planted on the corner of his bed.
      "Fine! FINE!" he said angrily and turned to face me.
      "I am not gay!" He blurted out but in a lower voice
as if trying not to have anyone else hear him.
      "Huh?" I feigned ignorance.
      "Yea right! I know what you and Tate were doing last
night!" he said putting his hands on his hips.
      "You mean me helping him do pushups?" I was surly
sitting myself up to win an Oscar for my performance and
I knew that I had guessed what was eating him but I
wasn't sure how to proceed without alienating him or
Tater.
      He made that same disgusted sound with his throat,
turned back to the closet, yanked a pair of blue jeans
from their hanger causing the hanger to fly off the rod
and out into the room. Mike stormed from his room with
his jeans in his hand. I waited a few seconds before I
decided to follow him but when I got out in the hall he
was going into the bathroom and closed the door behind
him.
      I figured he was putting his pants on in there so I
waited outside the bathroom door for him to come back
out. As I stood there I thought I could hear some kind of
noise coming from inside. I listened closer but couldn't
make it out. It almost sounded like he was crying only it
was different sounding. Stepping closer I turned my ear
to the door and strained to hear what he was doing. I
nearly came flying out of my skin when the door burst
open. I was nearly run over by Mike who was still in
his pajama pants. He had the jeans gripped firmly in his
hand and didn't even acknowledge the fact that he had
caught me listening at the door. I got a good look at his
face and I could tell he had not been crying. He stormed
back to his room with me hot on his tail.
      Once back in his room I closed his bedroom door,
locked it and sat down on the floor in front of it acting
as a human barricade. Mike threw the pants on his bed
angrily, still not paying me any notice at all as he went
back to his closet. That's when I realized his pajama
pants were now on backwards. I couldn't help myself as I
started to giggle. He turned to me, eyes blazing, ears on
fire and fists clenched. I fully expected steam to come
shooting out his ears next.
      "What are you laughing at?" he growled.
      I lost control and burst out laughing. Unable to
talk I just pointed at his pajama pants. He looked down,
then back up to me looking puzzled and down again before
he realized what I was laughing at. I figured what I had
heard in the bathroom was Mike trying to put on the jeans
and they must not have fit him so he angrily put his
pajama pants back on but didn't notice that they were on
backwards before he came storming out again.
      Mike smiled and then giggled. I on the other hand
was reduced to tears of laughter. Mike plopped himself
down in his desk chair laughing along with me. I fell
over on my side clutching at my stomach, which was
feeling sore from all the sit-ups Tater had me doing in
the basement this morning. Honestly it wasn't that funny
but I think it was the stress or tension breaking that
caused us to bust loose like that.
      After a minute or so I realized that Mike was not
laughing anymore but was full out crying. He had his face
in his hands, his body was shaking and honestly it was
hard to be sure if he was laughing or crying until he let
a sob escape through his fingers. I was able to get myself sitting
up again but I wasn't leaving my post. I was intent on
having it out with him there in his room.
      Mike said something that sounded like. "I pant I've
oral pens?" it took me a second to realize what he had
said was, "Why can't I have normal friends?"
      "What do you mean?" I dared to ask.
      He looked up from his hands, tears streaked down his
face. "Every friend I have ever had has turned out to be
some kind of weirdo!"
      He rubbed his face and eyes on his shirtsleeve.
      "Everyone?" I asked.
      "Yes! They either end up into drugs, sex, cheating
or are gay!" he blubbered.
      I couldn't help but to start a running list in my
head of the people I knew that he was friends with and
woundered where each of them fell in those categories.
      I knew I shouldn't ask it but I did anyway, "So,
where do I fit into that?"
      He just looked at me, tears dripped onto his shirt.
      When he didn't answer right away I started to
eliminate some of the categories for him. "Well let's see
I don't do drugs - never have and never will - heck I've
never even smoked a cigarette in my life, with my asthma
that would probably kill me. I don't cheat, actually I
don't need to cheat - I get pretty good grades except for
maybe reading and spelling but I'm passing those
subjects. As for sex, well I've never even kissed a girl
unless you count my cousin, Amanda when we were both
seven. We were out in her play house in her back yard and
she just kissed me. I ran crying to my mom and everyone
laughed at me.
      I think Mike might have even laughed once at that
story but it was hard to tell with him still crying so
hard.
      "So that only leaves . . ." I didn't get to finish
as Mike blurted out with a sob, "Gay!"
      Now, sitting here in my own bedroom, writing all of
these events down here I can see that yes - Tater kissed
me on the lips twice, yes - he kissed my ear and yes - we
both touched each other and stroked each other (dad
called it masturbating, I wonder if it's called the same
thing when you do it to another guy) and yes - I like
looking at Taters' body but I also like to look at girls.
I think about girls all the time and have even dreamt
about Mary Tucker before. There was no way what I did
with Tater makes me gay - does it?
      Well anyway, at that moment in Mike's room I knew I
didn't want Mike or anyone else for the matter to know
what Tater and I had done and I went on the defensive and
tried to confuse all the issues. "So you think that
because I wet the bed that means I am gay?"
      The look he gave me was priceless, "No, no not because
of that. I mean I know Peter used to wet the bed and he's
not gay."
      I could tell instantly that he had not realized what
he was saying until it was too late. His whole face went
completely white and his mouth dropped open. He sucked in
a big breath almost like he was trying to suck the words
back in before they reached my ears. But it was too late;
I had heard it, registered it and already started
thinking about how I could use that information to my
benefit.
      "Peter Alderman used to wet the bed?" I said maybe a
little to loudly but I was totally caught off guard by
the whole idea of it.
      I could tell that Mike was beginning to panic as he
realized he had just shared a secret with me that he
should have taken to his grave. I could have taken that
opportunity to turn things in my favor but instead I
chose another option, "Ok, I had no idea, but I cross my
heart," I drew an X over my heart with my finger, "and
hope to die if I ever tell anyone about that!"
      That seemed to appease Mike's fears of a violet and
painful death if Peter ever found out he had told
someone. I really wanted to know how he knew Peter had
been a bed wetter and how he knew that Peter had stopped
but I let it go and continued. "So then why do you think
I am gay?"
      He started to get that look again as he said, "Come
on you slept in my brothers room last night, in his bed!"
      Putting my hands up in front of me with palms up as
if to say "WHAT?" and then I said, "Sleeping in the same
bed with another guy doesn't make you gay!" I said.
      "Yea but letting him suck on your winky does." Mike
said very matter-of-fact like.
      "Winky?" I thought to myself, "Geeze are we four
here?"
      "Whoa, whoa, whoa! No way! That didn't happen! I
would never, I mean - Geeze Mike that is just - well,
filthy!" It was no lie; Tater had not sucked on my
'winky' or any other part of my body. I started to get
worked up a bit with my own acting abilities, "How could
you even think that I would do something like that?"
      I stood up, shook my arms out from my side as if
shaking off some disgusting slime, "Uh!" I groaned.
      And then a light went on in my head, "Wait a minute!
Wait, wait, wait, wait, w-a-i-t-a-f-r-i-c-k-e-n-m-i-n-u-
t-e!" I was holding the top of my head.
      I saw that same terror wash over Mike as he realized
that I had just connected the dots and could now see the
whole picture.
      "Why do you think he, I mean Tater would do that to
me?" I knew I had Mikey on the ropes and I wasn't going
to let up.
      The color left his face again, the tears stopped
flowing and he couldn't take his eyes off of me.
      "No! N-O! I don't want to hear this! Nope!" I faked
like I was covering my ears.
      I was going to get him to tell me, I knew it. He was
starting to shake all over; his eyes seemed to be falling
back into his head. Both of his hands had a hold of the
wooden chair on either side of his hips and his knuckles
were turning white from this tight grip.
      "Oh my gawd!" I said and to my disbelief Mikes head
nodded once.
      I saw him try to swallow and could tell he was
fighting a loosing battle with the lump in his throat.
"He did?" I asked.
      Mikes head nodded again.
      "More then once?"
      Nod
      "More then just . . . sucking?" I was starting to
get a funny feeling in my stomach and it wasn't a good
feeling either.
      I ran both of my hands through my still slightly
damp hair. "Holy Shoot" except I didn't say 'Shoot' and
Mike flinched for the first time.
      Mike was shaking all over, like someone sitting
naked out in the cold of winter, he had his eyes locked
on mine and I don't think he was even blinking. It was
almost like he was trying to find something in my eyes,
something that would let him get a hold on the moment, to
somehow allow him to breath.
      "Does anyone know?" I had to ask.
      He started to shake his head no but stopped and
finally broke eye contact as tears began to well up in
his eyes again. I realized I had just walked into the
middle of a minefield and I honestly wasn't sure if
either of us were going to be able to make it back out
still whole.
      I bit the inside of my cheek before asking my next
question. "Is Tate the only one . . . I mean, that ever?"
I didn't have to finish; without looking at me now he
shook his head to signal 'no'.
      He was staring to his right, out past the window to
the morning sky. His tears were streaking down his face
and I could feel my own tears forming in my eyes.
      I wasn't sure if I should ask the next logical
question of 'Who' and honestly I wasn't sure I wanted to
know. My mind went back to Tater and how he had made me
feel so good last night and how I really wanted it to
happen again but then I returned to the present as I
heard myself ask, "Who else?"
      Mike took a deep breath and held it in a few seconds
before letting it out slowly. The silence seemed to grow
and it became harder to talk with each passing second. I
realized that tears were now running down my own cheeks
like two mighty rivers, but I wasn't exactly sure why.
Maybe out of sympathy for him, or out of fear of just
what I had stumbled into.
      Somewhere in the distance I heard the sound of a car
horn and it took Mike saying, "I think that is your dad."
to help me realized I had heard it.
      "Oh! Yea!" I said suddenly remembering that he was
coming to get me and from somewhere downstairs we both
heard his mother calling. "Simon your fathers here to
pick you up!"
      "Your mom is up." I said stupidly.
      "Yeah" he sniffled and wiped his face with his sleeve
again.
      I wiped my face too. "If we go down like this they
are going to know we have been crying." I said.
      He looked up at me again and startled me when he
yelled, "OK MOM! WE'LL BE RIGHT DOWN!"
      Come on, we can wash our faces in the bathroom. He
said as he quickly pulled out another pair of pants from
his closed and pulled them on over his pajama bottoms. We
both walked fast to the bathroom and I was relieved that
it was not occupied.
      As we both splashed the cold and refreshing water on
our faces, I felt like I needed to say something. Leaning
over the sink with him I turned my head and with a sigh
it came out, "I won't tell."
      He turned his face toward mine, eyes glassy with
tears and allowed a tiny smile to appear.
      We toweled off in turn before raceing down the stairs
with him in the lead skipping every other step and
leaping three steps from the bottom; I did likewise.
      "Hi dad!" I said giving him a cheery wave.
      He was standing just inside to door talking with
Mrs. Winston. Mike stopped and turned to me, "See you at
school Monday?" he said.
      "Yeah, definitely." I answered.
      "Cool! See you then!" he said turning toward my dad
and continuing, "Hi Mr. Leonard, nice to meet you!" and
then tore off back up the stairs.
      I think he was scared that one of them might realize
that he had been crying, or maybe he was still teetering
on the edge.
      "You have a good time?" dad asked.
      "Yeah the best!" I wasn't lying, I really did have a
good time - for the most part.
      "We loved having you over." said Mrs. Winston with
that super sweet voice she has.
      "Thanks for letting me stay!" I said and dad added,
"Yes thank you. It's not so bad out there now; the salt
trucks have obviously been working though the night. All
the streets are wet but they are not icy anymore."
      "Cool!" I heard Tater say and I turned my head to
see him walking in the room with the red binder and my
coat in his arms. When I saw the binder I remembered that
I had left it on the kitchen table when I had chased
after Mike earlier.
      "Here ya go Spaz." Tater said handing them to me.
      I took them, trying hard not to make eye contact
with him. I had a lot of thinking to do about him, Mike
and everything I had experienced since I left home
yesterday evening. I said, "Thanks!" as up beat as I
could muster to Tater.
      "You are welcome to come stay over anytime you want
Simon dear." Mrs. Winston added as I followed dad out the
door.
      "Bye! Thanks again!" I said climbing into the
minivan as dad put my bike in the back.
      On the ride home I told dad about the movie and
about getting to work out with Tate but I was careful to
leave out all the other details of my over night stay and
when I got home I shared the same story with mom. I was
very relieved when neither of them asked me how I dealt
with my bedwetting problem while I had been there.
      I felt sort of like I had been gone on a very long
trip, sort of like when we had all gone on a weeklong
road trip to see the Grand Cannon, Mount Rushmore and the
Mississippi river; when we had got home and walked in the
house it was like . . . well like a nice warm hug from
your mom after a particularly long hard day at school.
When I finally started to walk into my room it felt like
a sort of homecoming and I couldn't wait to lie on my own
bed and be surrounded by all my own things!
      However, I received a shocked when I opened the door
to my room. There sitting at my desk using my computer
was Jamie. With all that had happened I had completely
forgot that this was his weekend to visit.
      "What are you doing?" I asked without announcing I
was entering the room or at least saying hello.
      Jamie jumped and banged his knee on the leg of my
desk. I think I heard him swear as he turned in my chair.
"Man! Don't do that!" he screeched rubbing his knee with
both hands.
      "You know you aren't supposed to mess with my
computer!" I said angrily.
      "Your mom said I could!" he said in defense.
      I looked at the screen and he quickly put his hands
over it to keep me from seeing what he was doing but I
recognized that he was in a chat-room, which really
wasn't a big deal. I go to chat-rooms all the time and I
don't know why he was so ashamed of it, unless . . .
      I lurched at him, pulling his hands away from the
screen but he was struggling so hard with me that I
couldn't read what was on the screen.
      "Get off!" He yelled as I pulled him out of the
chair to the floor. I don't know if I threw the first
punch or if he did but it took dad coming into the room
to pull us off each other.
      The fight only lasted 60 seconds at the max. When
dad finally had us separated and standing facing each
other I could see that Jamie's nose was bleeding and he
was holding his right arm like it was really hurt. My
right eye was cut, bleeding and already starting to swell
shut. Dad went nuclear on us.
      "What is going on in here?" dad shouted.
      He looked at me, "You've not been home ten minutes
and already you two are at each others throats." His
shouting was so loud that it brought mom into the room.
Dad had us both by our shirts holding us apart when mom
started in on us.
      It was a good fifteen minutes before they both
stopped screaming at the two of us. When it was over I
was grounded for the rest of the weekend and Jamie was
going back home which I was simply overjoyed about.
      We were both sitting on our own beds. I was lying
back against my headboard with an ice pack on my eye.
Jamie was holding a rag to his nose and a bag of ice on
his right arm wear I had tried to bite it off; I had
broken the skin and left several good teeth marks. I
could tell he wanted to cry but was not about to give me
the satisfaction of seeing him in tears.
      About an hour later there was more screaming in the
living room when Jamie's mother had arrived and was told
what had happened. She had used a few choice words to
describe me and I couldn't help but to think it ironic
that she of all people would have the nerve to call me
what she did, considering that is just what her son is.
      As Jamie was leaving the room he turned to me and
mouthed the three-letter-word for mule so that only I
could see him do it. I got the message but it didn't faze
me a bit; I was pretty darn pleased with myself seeing
how I had bloodied his nose and nearly took a chunk out
of his arm. Yea sure he had got a good shot in and
gnarled up my eye but I was chalking that one up to a
lucky punch. It would be a while before he would think of
messing with me or any of my stuff again.
      Within a few minutes of Jamie and his mom leaving,
dad came back into my room. Without saying a single word
and without shutting it down properly he started to
unplug my computer and walk out with it.
      "What are you doing?" I asked in a tone that had dad
not had his arms full would have surely got my slapped
across the face.
      He was so angry that his eyebrows were almost
completely pulled together in the middle and he almost
looked like a vicious snarling dog ready to chew me to
bits.
      "No computer, no phone, no TV and no radio for the
weekend!" he said carrying it out of the room.
      "That's not fair!" I screamed at the back of him as
he walked out.
      He returned a few minutes later and took my radio as
well. Pointing at me with all four fingers he said from
the doorway, "I don't want to see you or hear a single
word from you all weekend! IS THAT CLEAR?"
      "Fine!" I shouted back in anger!
      After he left - slamming my door shut behind him - I
sat back down on the end of my bed fuming for a good
twenty minutes or more before I got up, stripped naked,
put on a Goodnite before I gathered up my things and
retreat to the bottom of my closet where I stayed for the
rest of the morning and well into the afternoon writing
about everything that had happened in the last day and a
half. It was a bit of a challenge to write and hold the
ice to my eye and after about an hour or so the ice had
melted and wasn't offering any comfort anymore.
      Around two-thirty in the afternoon I heard the
doorbell ring. I crawled out of my closet and looked out
the window to see that it was Peter, Max and Johnny but
Steven seemed to be absent from the group. I was kind of
relieved to see Peter standing there next to the other
two and I guessed that all the rumors about his demise or
incarceration were just that, rumors.
      Maybe half a minute after I watched them ride on
down our street on their bikes I saw Steven come blazing
down the street on his bike. As he was passing by the
house I thought he was looking right at me; it wasn't
until he locked up his back wheel and made a long
screeching halt that I knew he had seen me. Since the
road was still wet it took extra long for him to get
stopped considering how fast he had been going to catch
up to Peter and the others. Steven went about four houses
too far before he got stopped and turned around. He came
back up the hill pushing his bike until he got to our
yard where he just let his bike drop on the grass and
walked over to my window. I flipped the latch and slid
the sash up to talk to him through the screen.
      "Hey Simon!" he said reaching my window.
      "Hey! You just missed the guys." I said.
      "Yeah, that's ok. I know where they are going. I will
catch up. Get your coat and bike and you can . . ." He
stopped in mid-sentence when he saw my eye, "Whoa! What
happened?"
      "My step-brother got in a lucky punch." I said
trying to look tough despite the fact that it hurt like
nothing else. It had swollen completely shut and I
couldn't see out of it at all.
      "Wow! You need to go see a doctor Simon! That looks
bad!" Steven said.
      "I'll be fine, I've had worse." I lied.
      "Well, then do you want to come with?" he asked.
      "Can't! Got grounded for the weekend." I said.
      "That sucks!" He said.
      "Yeah but what can I do?" I said back.
      "Will you be at school Monday?" he asked.
      "Yeah sure of course!" I assured him.
      "Cool! Ok, if we ride to school again then?" he
asked.
      "Don't know, parents haven't said a word to me since
dad grounded me." I said thumbing over my shoulder into
the house. "I haven't even had any lunch yet."
      Steven fumbled in his coat pocket and pulled out a
box of Limon-Heads. "You want one?" he asked.
      I raised the window screen and he pored several into
my hand. I popped one in and instantly regretted it as my
face contorted from the sourness and pulled on my eye
muscles.
      "Oh man sorry!" Steve said chuckling.
      "Wow! Those are killer!" I said through the pain and
the puckering.
      While Steven and I were talking I noticed between
the two houses across the street that a police cruiser
was going up the next street over. I told Steven who -
probably out of instinct - dropped down between the bush
beside my window and the house. I could still see and
talk with him but someone driving down the street or even
standing on the front porch would not be able to see him
hiding there.
      A minute later I saw it coming down our street. I
couldn't help but think they were looking for Peter and
the others. I slid the window back down leaving it up
about two inches. I fully expected them to continue
driving right by but when the cruiser pulled into our
driveway I heard Steven outside my window let fly a
curse.
      From the car emerged the black Amazonian woman
police officer that I'd had the pleasure and Steven had
had the displeasure of meeting just a couple days ago.
Even from my bedroom window she still looked freakishly
large for a woman.
      Evidently Steven saw her too because his next words
actually made me chuckle for some odd reason, "Effing
Hell!" I was pleased to know that he had not forgot her
either.
      She made her way to the front door and rang the
bell. At the sounding of the doorbell I suddenly was hit
with the incredible need to use the toilet and remembered
that I had not been to the bathroom all day. A moment
later she stepped into the house and out of both of our
view. I could still hear Steven outside my window
muttering a string of curse words under his breath and
sounding quite panicked.
      I squatted down and tried to hold it all in but my
belly was gurgling like mad. From under the gap in the
window I said, "What did you four do now?" I was talking
quietly but I know it probably sounded as if I was very
upset. I don't think Steven had any idea of the battle I
was having with my bowels.
      "We haven't done a effing thing!" he sounded
convincing to me.
      I waited for what seemed like a lifetime for dad or
mom to yell for me but they never did. After only a few
minutes the lady officer came back out and left much to
both of our relief.
      "Steven, wait here - I will be right back!" I said
and raced for my bedroom door.
      As I was running for the bathroom I was thinking of
what I would say if I ran into dad or mom just then. I am
grounded to my room and I am not supposed to be seen or
heard all weekend right? Did that mean I couldn't leave
my room to use the bathroom and get food? Since I wasn't
called for lunch and they didn't bring me anything I
wasn't sure what the rules were. All I knew was if I
didn't get to the toilet I was going to have a mess in my
Goodnite.
      "Click" I locked the bathroom door and barely got my
butt planted before my bottom exploded. The really weird
thing is, after I wiped and stood up there wasn't
anything in to freaking toilet! I mean not even a little
Hershey's Kiss or a couple of corn floaters! The only
thing I can think of is that it came out of me with such
force that it just shot right down the toilet hole. I
tried wiggling the handle so that only a little water
went into the bowl thinking maybe it would cause the turd
to reappear but it didn't. I finally just flushed the
paper and marked that one down to another of those life
mysteries that I will never know the answer to.
      I was on my way back to my room when I heard mom at
the other end of the hall. "You about ready to eat
something?"
      I stopped dead. "Yeah." I said without turning
around.
      "Dinner will be ready in about an hour, stay in your
room until you are called." She said perfectly calm and
normal sounding.
      I went back to my room, closed my door and went to
the window. Steven was still hunched down behind the
bush.
      "I'm back!" I said.
      "So what the heck was that all about?" he said.
      "No idea!" I said.
      "What? Why did you go out there then?" he asked
sounding ticked off.
      I didn't want to tell him I nearly crapped my pants
so I lied, "They wouldn't tell me!"
      That seemed to satisfy him.
      "I need you to do me a favor." I said sliding the
window back up enough that we didn't have to talk through
the glass.
      "What?" he asked suspiciously.
      "I need you to go to Mike Winston's house and tell
his brother I won't be over tomorrow morning." I said.
      "You nuts?" he nearly shouted, "I am not going no
where near Tate Winston!"
      I thought to myself that he was probably right, "Ok
then tell Pete to tell Mike to tell Tate." I stopped to
rethink that just to be sure I said it right. 'Tell Pete
to tell Mike to tell Tate.' Yep that was it!
      Steven was looking very apprehensive and I was
really stuck, I had no computer and was not allowed to
use the phone. "Look! Just do it or else!" I said with no
idea what 'or else' meant or would entail.
      Steven cursed again and then busted out of the bush,
heading for his bike. He was gone in nothing flat and I
closed and relocked my window.
      I sat down on my desk chair to wait for mom to tell
me dinner was ready but changed my mind and went back to
my closet to continue writing. The time flew by and
before I knew it I heard someone knocking on my bedroom
door.
      "Yes?" I said.
      "Your dinner is on the table. When you are finished,
put your bowl in the dishwasher and then come back to
your room." Mom instructed through the door.
      I thought it odd but I was hungry enough not to care
very much. I went to the kitchen and there sitting all
alone was a single bowl of Chili-Mac.
      I think that was the first moment that it really hit
me that they were honestly mad at me. So much so that
they didn't even want to eat at the same table with me. I
assumed they were both in the dinning room eating
together.
      With every bite it got harder and harder to eat. I
kept replaying over and over again everything that had
happened since I walked into my room and saw Jamie. I
finally managed to get all my dinner down and about the
same time I was putting my bowl in the dishwasher I heard
dad shouting from the other room. Quickly I realized he
must be on the phone with Jamie's mom. I heard words like
'Lawyer - Lawsuit - Custody' and then things really got
nasty. I heard dad-saying things about me and about Jamie
that no son should ever hear their father say.
      I ran back to my room crying, shut and locked the
door and dove into my closet where I closed myself in. I
left my flashlight off and sat there in the dark and
eventually cried myself to sleep.
      I only slept for a little more then two hours before
being woken up by the shouts of my mom and dad fighting
again. Maybe they didn't think I could hear them back
here in my room but I could. It sounded like they were
right outside my bedroom door making all the commotion.
      Several times I heard my name mentioned as well as
Jamie's and his mom along with several colorful
explicative. Never in my life had I known either of my
parents to be so mad that they were sounding worse then
two drunken sailors fighting. I mean sure they fight,
don't all parents? But this time it sounded like a
no-holds-bared shouting match and it sounded like mom was
winning - as is usually the case.
      As I sat there listening in horror or more
accurately trying not to listen I remembered day-dreaming
about Jamie sitting in his room alone in the dark holding
a stump where his arm used to be and weeping. It was not
one of those balling and carrying on kind of cries, no
his was one of those soul wrenching cries when you feel
there is no happiness left in the world and where you are
at risk of being swallowed up in the sadness.
      The vividness of my day-dream only heightened the
already disgusted feelings I was having with myself. I
heard dad shout something and only caught a single word
of it, "Divorce". I think my heart died right then. I
wasn't crying, I wasn't mad and I wasn't sad. It was like
I didn't have a heart to feel with anymore.
      A door slammed I think it was the master bedroom
door and then another farther away; I assumed they had
gone to separate rooms in the house. As loud as they had
been, I was sure the entire neighborhood could hear them
fighting and I was glad it was finally over, at least for
the time being.
      "It's my fault, all my fault . . . I've got to do
something to fix this. I broke it; I have to make it
right." I told myself.
      When I reached over to slide my closet door open my
eye began to throb again. For a moment I had actually
forgot about it; funny how the body can so easily forget
that it is wounded. It seemed that if I didn't move any
part of my body then it didn't hurt, well didn't hurt as
much.
      It's kind of weird, I mean getting ready to do what
I am thinking of doing and yet I am not scared, not
worried and not excited. I just know I need to do it.
      I managed to get myself out of my closet though it
was difficult because my left leg had gone to sleep on
me. Once I got it woke up, which was nasty painful, I
started to get ready to go. I knew there was no way I was
going to be able to do what I needed to do alone. I
needed help and I knew just who to call. Once I had
changed into my jeans - I left my Goodnite on since it
was still dry - and put on a clean shirt I opened my
window and the screen to stick my head out to see how
cold it was out there. It was pretty chilly so I went
back to my closet to get my coat and then went to my desk
where I opened my bank which is really just an old yellow
canning jar like they used to use a million years ago for
canning peaches and stuff like that.
      I keep a small combination padlock on it to keep
Jamie from steeling my money. Actually, I had never had a
problem with anyone steeling my money but greed will make
a person paranoid and suspicious of everyone. I spun the
tumbler back and forth to the combination and 'Click' it
opened. While flipping open the metal clasp the lid made
a popping sound as the cork seal around the rim gave way.
Not knowing how much money I might need, I took it all.
$78.43 my entire life's savings of birthday money and
allowance plus all the loose change I ever found on the
ground or between the cushions on the sofa.
      I took one more look around my room to be sure I had
everything I would need before I climbed out my window
into the dusk of the evening. It was still fairly light
out and the sun was almost set. I started walking up to
the Corner Dairy; it was only about a ten-minute walk
from the house and I knew there was a pay phone there
that I could use to call Tater.
      I was glad I had brought my coat because it was very
cold this evening but I quickly had wished I had thought
to grab my hat and gloves. I could have went back to get
them, but doing so felt like back tracking and I was too
focused on going forward with my plans then to bother
with going backwards. And besides going back increased my
chances of getting caught, not just outside without
permission but outside while being grounded! When I got
to the Corner Dairy I fished in my pocket and pulled out
thirty-five cents for the pay phone. The phone rang twice
before someone answered.
      "Hello?" came the angelic voice of Lacy.
      "Hi Lacy this is Simon, can I talk to Tater?" I
asked in a voice people only use when talking to babies
and pets.
      "Hi Simon - I got a loose tooth!" she said very
excitedly.
      There was a moment of silence and then "Hello?" came
the voice of Mrs. Winston.
      "Oh hello Mrs. Winston, this is Simon, is Tate
there?" I asked again.
      "Oh well hello again Simon, Um I am not sure if he
is back home yet or not. Let me go check." She said and I
heard her set the phone down with a small clunk.
      My legs were starting to get cold now too and while
I waited on the phone I started to dance around a bit to
try to warm them up. The one good thing about the cold
was that it helped to ease the pain of my eye, which I
was able to partially see out of again though everything
was very cloudy and dim. The one bad thing about the
cold, as every guy knows, it makes you have to pee! Very
soon, if I didn't get warmed up I was going to be very
glad I had kept my Goodnite on instead of changing into
regular underwear before leaving the house.
      "Hello?" I was so happy to hear Taters Voice.
      "Oh Tater thank gawd!" I said sounding desperate.
      "Hey, what's up Spaz?" he said concernedly.
      "Tate, I need a favor, a big one!" I said as a loud
car whizzed by.
      "You outside?" Tater asked.
      "Yeah. Can your mom hear you?" I asked.
      "No, she went into the other room - why?" He
returned.
      "Because I don't want her to end up calling my
parents and telling them where I am or where I am going."
I said.
      "What's happening?" he asked now very concerned.
      "I can't get into it now, it's a big mess. Is there
any chance you can call Bull and have him drive you and
me downtown?" I asked.
      "Downtown?" He exclaimed, "When?"
      "Right now! I am up here at the Corner Dairy
freezing my butt off!" I nearly shouted back as a big rig
went by.
      "Are you in some kind of trouble Spaz?" he asked.
      "You could say that!" I said back, "Can you call
him?"
      "I don't have to, he is sitting up in my room right
now. We were just about to leave again anyway, so we will
be there in a couple minutes." He said.
      "Thanks Tater and don't tell anyone ok?" I pleaded.
      "Not a word!" he said back, "See you in a few
minutes."
      "Ok bye." I said before hanging up the phone.
      It really was cold out tonight, so much colder then
I had expected it to be. My fingers were beginning to
tingle from being so cold. I stuffed them in my pockets
and went over to the side of the store so that I was not
standing out in the open wind. Man, was I glad that I had
got a hold of Tater. With his and Bull's help I felt I
might be able to do what I needed to do and still make it
back home before anyone misses me! At least that was my
mode of thinking at the time; I'm beginning to realize
that when in the heat of something, reality is harder to
perceive. Take Tater and I - in the heat of passion -
what we did seemed ok - even right, but then after the
fire was gone and I was talking with Mikey the next day
what had seemed so right had suddenly become a lot more
complicated. I knew there was a lot more to that story, a
whole lot more but it would have to wait because right
now I needed help from them.
      Fortunately, I didn't have to wait very long before
I saw Bull's car pull into the parking lot and I quickly
realized that they had not come alone.
      "Man am I glad to see you guys!" I said walking
toward the car.
      "Gawd Dang Spaz what happened to your face?" Bull
shouted while leaning out his drivers' window. I heard
Tater cures as well from inside the car at seeing my eye.
      I walked around to the passenger side of the car;
Tater had opened the door and got out to let me climb
into the backseat where Runt and some other guy were
already sitting. Runt slid into the middle so that I
could get in. Tater got back in the car and closed the
door.
      "What the heck happened to you?" Tater said sounding
very concerned and turning in the seat so that he was
facing me.
      "It's a long story." I said to them all and then
looked to Bull. "Can you take me to the 412 building
downtown Bull?"
      "412? Yeah but why - what's going on?" he asked
pulling back out of the parking lot.
      I took a deep breath, catching the scent of the pine
air freshener that hung from the rear-view mirror as I
dropped my head back against the seat, "I think my
parents are getting a divorce." I said solemnly.
      There was a brief silance before Tater asked, "Did
your dad give you that eye?" he sounded like he was on
the edge of exploding depending on my answer.
      "Nah, my half . . . my brother did." I said looking
up at the ceiling of the car and noticing a cigarette
burn.
      "It looks bad!" said the fourth guy that I didn't
know.
      I lifted up my head and looked over at him, he
looked remotely familiar, "Oh this is Trevor but everyone
calls him Two-Toes." Tater said.
      Trevor stuck out his fist and I did likewise for him
to bump. "Nice to meet ya again, Spaz. So that hurt?" he
said pointing to my eye.
      "Just a little." I said unintentionally brushing him
off.
      "So you going to tell us why you think your parents
are getting a divorce and why we're going to the 412
building?" Bull asked turning onto Main Street.
      "My brother lives there." I said.
      "You reckoning on going there and finishing him
off?" Two-Toes asked.
      I looked at him and then up to Tater who retorted
for me, "Shut it Two-Toes would ya?"
      "So you two scrap?" Bull asked.
      "Scrap?" I asked not sure what that meant.
      "Fight!" Tater added.
      "Yeah, something like that." I said.
      "Having heard about the way you fight from my
lil'bro, I bet your brother looks worse then you do."
Bull added.
      "Unfortunately he did." I sighed.
      "So what were you two fighting about?" Tater asked.
      "It was stupid, he was on my computer when I got
home and I just sort of snapped. Before I knew what
happened we were both bleeding and my parents were
screaming at both of us." I said staring out the side
window.
      "I get it." Said Runt.
      "What do you get?" Tater asked sounding kind of
miffed.
      Runt directed his answer you me, "You're parents
were fighting over you and your brother." I gave him a
nod to let him know he was on the right track. "And you
think going and apologizing to your brother will keep
them from getting a divorce." He was right on the money.
      Bull was looking at Runt in the rearview mirror with
astonishment. Tater had a similar expression on his face.
I couldn't see Two-Toes face because Runt's head was
blocking my view of him . . . thankfully.
      "Dude!" Bull voiced his astonishment; Runt just sat
there expressionless.
      "Take it from me Spaz, you are better off without
your parents." Two-Toes said animatedly.
      "Shut the F**k up!" Bull, Tater and Runt all shouted
at the same time and Runt followed it up with an elbow
right in the chest. I heard Two-Toes groan when it
connected with him.
      Two-Toes just sat there looking bothered. I decided
I didn't much like Two-Toes.
      As Bull turned past the McDonalds to head downtown,
I started to regurgitate the whole account from the
moment when I walked in and saw Jamie on my computer, up
to the point where I had called Tater to ask for help.
      When I finished Tater asked, "Why didn't you just
call him from home on Monday when you get off being
grounded?"
      I dropped my head back against the seat again and
stared up past the roof of the car into infinity, "That's
not good enough! I really screwed things up and I got to
make them right - tonight!" my voice cracked and I guess
the guys took that as a sign to stop grilling me.
      I'd not been downtown at this time of the evening
before. With all the lights and night people it looked
enticing and scary at the same time.
      "You know where you are going?" Two-Toes asked
derisively to Bull.
      "Yeah I know where the f**k I am going, it's only a
block away from the public library." Bull said looking
into the rear-view mirror.
      "Whoa, check out those girls!" Tater said pointing
across the street. All four of our heads turned to see
where he was pointing and Bull honked his horn. I
remember thinking, "Why is he ogling girls if he likes
guys?" but I didn't say it.
      "Here it is!" Bull said taking a last turn and
stopping at the curb.
      "You want us to come in with you?" Tater asked
climbing out of the car so that I could get out of the
backseat.
      "Nah, you guys are so huge, it might intimidate Jamie
and his mom." I said giving Tater a backhanded nudge in
the abs as a gesture of appriciation.
      "Yo Spaz!" Bull called from inside the car as I was
looking up at the building. I ducked down to be able to
see him. "How long you going to be?" he asked.
      "I don't know, maybe ten or fifteen minutes?" I said
shrugging my shoulders and making it sound more like a
question then a statement.
      "We can't park here so we'll circle the block until
you come out ok?" He said back.
      I just nodded as Tater put his hand on the back of
my neck and gave me a slight push toward the huge doors,
"Go do what you need to do." he said.
      Having never been to Jamie's and his mom's apartment
before, I wasn't exactly sure where I was going, so once
I was inside the large entryway I stopped and asked the
security guard that was sitting behind a large marble
desk.
      "Can you tell me what floor Mrs. Applegate is on?" I
asked trying to sound as grown up as I could.
      The guard looked down at me menacingly. I knew he
was staring at my gnarled eye, "Go home kid! We don't
allow strange little kids to wander around the building,
especially at night!"
      "I am not a little kid!" I said trying to look
taller, "And I am not a stranger! Mrs. Applegate's son -
Jamie Applegate is my brother!" I said determinedly.
      He gave me a disgusted look like I was a pile of
pigeon poop before he turned to an electronic panel on
the wall and pressed one of the zillion buttons on it.
There was a buzzing sound followed by a crackle and then
I heard Jamie's mom, Marsha answer, "Yes?"
      "Sorry to disturb you Mrs. Applegate but I have a
boy down here that says he's your son." The guard said
into a microphone.
      "I'm not her son! I'm her son's brother!" I
corrected him impatiently.
      There was a pause and then, "Please send him up
Sam."
      "Yes mam." He said back sounding disappointed.
      He turned back to me with that same look of
revulsion, "You go down that way," he was pointing, "get
in the elevator on the right and go up to the eighteenth
floor. You listening to me kid?"
      "Down that way - Elevator on the right - Eighteenth
floor! Got it!" I said not looking at him but in the
direction he was pointing.
      "When you get off the elevator go to the end of the
hall and turn left. Mrs. Applegate's apartment is 18-G!"
he added.
      "End of the hall turn left, 18-G?" I said back to
him for acknowledgement that I had it right; I never got
any. He just stood there stoned faced. I think he was
disappointed that he didn't get to pick me up by the back
of my pants and forcefully throw me from his building.
      I starting off, repeating the directions under my
breath, "Down to the elevator on the right, go to the
eighteenth floor, go down the hall and turn left, 18-G."
      Marsha was standing outside the door to their
apartment waiting for me as I made the turn around the
corner. She looked tired; the kind of tired that goes all
the way to your very soul. She did not say a word to me
but stepped aside and with a slight hand gesture
motioning me in. I guess by then I was beginning to get
use to people gawking at my eye because her expression
didn't surprise me.
      Now to say I was awed by their place would be
putting it lightly; it was totally amazing. I had always
imagined them living in some old warehouse style place
with broken down furniture and wallpaper pealing off the
walls. But wow! Their place was painted all white, I mean
everything was as white as a babies diaper and their
furniture was all a nice cream color with chrome and
glass tables. The floor was white marble looking tiles
with a beautiful oriental style rug. It was like walking
into one of those home magazines they sell at the
checkout lines in stores.
      "Wow, this is remarkable!" I gasped.
      "Well thank you Simon but, why are you here? And how
did you get here? Did your father bring you here?" she
was talking so fast I couldn't get an answer out.
      I turned to her and I think getting a good look at
my eye made her pause long enough for me to say, "I want
. . . I need to talk to Jamie." I corrected myself in
mid-sentence. "No! My parents don't even know I am here.
A couple of my friends brought me!" I said trying to
sound as penitent as possible.
      "You came all the way downtown without your parents
permission?" she said sounding like a mother.
      "I-I-I knew if I asked they wouldn't have let me and
I just have to talk to Jamie, please!" I pleaded.
      She stood, hands on hips, staring down at me for a
good while before finally saying, "He's laying down . . .
Has your mother seen your eye?"
      "No mam." I was sure to use my best manors. I knew
she was already extraordinarily furious with my parents
and me. Me for attacking her son like I did and maybe
even for showing up on her doorstep like I did and my
parents for giving birth to me!
      She sucked on her upper lip before dropping her
defensive posture and saying, "Come on, let's go get you
cleaned up . . ." she paused before saying, "and then we
will talk."
      With a gentle motherly hand on the back of my neck
she ushered me toward the kitchen area, which was also
immaculate. All the cabinets were white with silver
handles and stainless steel appliances. The floors
however were not the same as the other part of the
apartment - they were a sort of semi-rough, white ceramic
tile with a gray-black grout and in the center of the
kitchen was a fair sized stainless steel work island on
wheels. Copper pots and pans hung above from a stainless
pot rack and assorted small kitchen appliances were
neatly arranged on the lower shelf.
      The far wall had a huge window that looked out on
the night city. In front of the window was a glass top
table big enough to set four comfortably with a very
decoratively carved white pedestal base and four chairs
that were equally as nice.
      She led me over to the sink and had me hop up on the
counter so that my feet were dangling down over the fronts
of the base cabinets. Without saying a word she started to
lovingly wash away some of the dried blood from around my
eye. She used several paper towels to accomplish this and
I tried to set as still as I could despite the fact that
it hurt like mad.
      "You are getting a black eye already." She finally
said.
      "I am?" I asked sounding slightly proud. For a boy,
there is no greater bad of courage then to walk into
school with a big black eye.
      "Let me get something to put on that gash for you."
She said leaving me sitting on the counter while she
disappeared for a minute or two. Upon returning, she had
a little tube of something and a small box of what I soon
found out was butterfly-bandages.
      "OH!" I gasped and held my breath as she tried to be
gentle while rubbing the ointment around my eye. It stung
a lot and I wanted so badly to scream but instead I just
tried to put on my bravest face.
      While she as applying four butterfly bandages she
said, "With all of that dried blood, it looked a lot
worse then it really is. Though it is still pretty bad, I
think you will live. Can you see out of it all at?"
      I forced a smile through the pain, "Yeah a little but
everything is blurry."
      I was allowed to hop down from the counter with her
help, which was good because when my feet hit the floor
it jarred my head and I couldn't help but to let a small
explicative escape my lips. She either didn't hear it or
chose not to comment on it.
      "Do you think I can see Jamie now?" I asked holding
one hand up to my eye but not touching it.
      "First I think you should call your parents and tell
them you are here." She said and I immediately answered
back.
      "NO! I can't - they ..." I was going to tell her
that they were so mad at me that they were going to get
divorced. But I couldn't finish, my voice cracked and the
tears wield up in my eyes.
      Looking down at me as if caught between her anger
and concern for me she stood again, hands on her hips and
sucking her upper lip.
      "Please! Please let me just talk with Jamie! Just
for a minute, PLEASE!" I begged.
      "He is lying down in his room. You can go back and
talk. And only Talk!" she added that extra bit at the end
making it clear that she would not tolerate any more
physical stuff.
      She showed me how to find his bedroom, which was on
the other side of the front room I had first entered and
directly opposite the kitchen. Off the front room there
was a small hallway, maybe six feet long extending three
feet left and right with each ending at a closed door.
She had told me that the door on the left was Jamie's
room. I stopped at the closed door and knocked lightly -
there was no answer. I knocked again - still no answer.
      Reasoning with myself that I had come this far I
made up my mind that I wasn't going to let an unanswered
door stop me. Jamie's mom had said he was lying down so
maybe he had fallen sleep.
      I reached up and tried the knob. The door opened up
to a bedroom much like the rest of their place.
Everything was white except for the bed, which had a
thickly stuffed royal blue comforter on it and under the
comforter; just peeking out from the edge was Jamie. Only
his head and shoulders were out from under the covers. He
was resting on a large overstuffed red pillow and looked
to be watching TV.
      I took a couple steps into the room. On the far wall
was a bank of white shelves with drawers under them. The
shelves were filled with toys and stuffed animals and all
looked to be in perfectly new condition almost like no
one had ever played with them. There was also a small
black television sitting on one of the shelves to the
left; I recognized the cartoon as one of my favorites,
Dexter's Lab. I also recognized which episode it was, the
one where Dexter was trapped inside a video game and
needed his sister Dee Dee to play and win the game so
that he could get out.
      Just to the left of the television was an open
doorway with no door and I could tell that this was his
closet. "A walk-in closet? He has his own walk-in
closet?" I thought to myself.
      Above the bed there was a big window but it was now
dark enough outside that I couldn't see what kind of view
he had out it. On the other side of the bed, the side
where I was standing, opposite the shelves and drawers
was a desk with - yep you guessed it - a computer and it
looked like a newer Mac then mine except his is white
where mine is red.
      I never imagined they lived so well; I mean they
have a nicer home, nicer furniture and nicer things then
I do! I just couldn't figure out why he always wanted to
be at our house all the time when he had such a stylish
pad here!
      Mounted to The wall directly across form the foot of
the bed was a huge blue-framed pegboard that matched the
comforter. It was covered in dozens of pieces of
artwork obviously drawn by a little kid but they looked
to childish to be in Jamie's room.
      Making my way over to the side of the bed I started
to whisper but stopped when I got a good look at his
face. He had two wads of cotton stuffed up in his nose,
which looked to be about twice its normal size. He also
had two good shiners circling both eyes almost making him
look like a big nosed cat burglar from some cartoon.
Despite obviously being asleep his eyebrows were knitted
together and I knew that meant he was feeling pain even
in his sleep. His arm, the arm I had tried to bite off
was wrapped with gauze and resting on a pillow with one
of those frozen gel packs on it like hospitals use.
      Seeing him lying there like that and knowing it was
entirely my fault nearly made me loose control and start
crying but I managed to hold back the flood a bit longer.
      "Jamie?" I whispered not wanting to startle him. He
didn't so much as twitch.
      "Jamie, you awake?" I whispered again this time a
little louder. His brow knitted tighter and his lips
parted but he didn't wake up. I wondered if he was
dreaming about a way of getting revenge against me.
      I sighed as I tried a bit louder yet, "Jamie?"
His head turned a fraction and his eyes just barely
opened.
      "Huh?" he croaked looking right at me.
      "You Ok?" I asked.
      He didn't answer; he just stared until finally he
realized who I was and his face contorted with mounting
anger.
      "Please Jamie! Don't be mad; don't hate me! I am so
sorry!" I said now with no ability what so ever at
stopping my tears from flowing causing my freshly cleaned
eye to sting even more.
      "I am so sorry Jamie! I am just so sorry!" I sobbed.
      He smiled or was bearing his teeth for his attack?
"Did I do that to your eye?" he asked sounding like he
had a severe cold in his nose.
      I sniffled, took a breath and said, "Yeah!"
      "Cool!" He said raising his eyebrows and then
wincing.
      "Oh Jamie, I am really sorry! I don't know why I did
it? I really, really am sorry!" I was full out crying
now, big splashing crocodile tears pored from my eyes as
I took a step closer to his bed.
      "Please don't hate me!" I blubbered.
      He moved and winced; tried to set up and winced
again until finally he was able to get himself partially
sitting up against his headboard.
      I really didn't know why I was crying so hard and
why I couldn't stop. He just kept looking at me while I
stood beside his bed sobbing like a little boy.
      "I really did that to you?" he asked again sounding
a little full of himself.
      I managed a weak, "Yeah" and raised my hand up to my
eye again.
      He slowly reached out his good hand, "Friends?" he
asked.
      It caught me off guard; I was expecting him to tell
me he hated me and that he never wanted to be my brother
again. I reached out and took his hand gratefully and
said, "No . . . brothers!"
      He smiled.
      "Are you going to be ok?" I asked very concerned.
      "Yeah, doctor says I have a broken nose." He said
moving his good hand up to it.
      "Wow!" was all I could say as I let go of his hand
and sat myself next to him on his bed. It squeaked,
crinkled and sagged a little under my weight.
      "Yeah but it doesn't hurt a lot." He said and I knew
he was just trying to make me feel better.
      I had nearly stopped crying now as I wiped at my
face with my coat sleeve. We talked for a few more
minutes before I recalled that I'd left the guys
downstairs still driving around the block waiting
for me to come back out.
      I stood back up quickly and said, "Oh! I forgot that
my ride is still waiting for me!"
      Getting up so fast made his bed again squeaking,
crinkling and shake, which made him shake and he cringed
against the pain.
      "OH Jamie! I'm sorry - you ok?" I sounded more like
I was pleading for him to be ok rather then asking.
      He didn't answer right away but lay still with his
eyes closed. For half a second I thought maybe he had
passed out or something but then his eyes reopened.
      "You ok?" I asked again.
      "Yeah." He said not so convincingly.
      "Uh, I think I am going to be in a lot more trouble
when I get back home, but if I am allowed can I come see
you again tomorrow?" I asked.
      "Why don't you call first." came his mom's voice
from behind me. I jumped and spun around startled.
      "Whoa!" I exclaimed.
      "Sorry, I didn't mean to frighten you." She said
walking in the room.
      "Uh, how long you been standing there?" I asked
suddenly feeling embarrassed.
      "Long enough!" She said with one of those moms know
everything tones and I felt myself going red.
      "I-I better go now." I sputtered, "I-I have to go
and have a talk with my mom and dad now." My heart sunk
as I spoke the words.
      My eye fell on the wall of children's drawings again
and it once again filed the complaint with my brain that
they looked so out of place in this room despite the nice
framed pegboard they were on.
      "Yes, I think that would be a very good idea." She
said back.
      I hung my head, swallowed hard, "I am very sorry for
everything!" I said and sniffled.
      "I am too." She said.
      "I will call your dad and talk with him tomorrow and
see if we can't calm things down." She said.
      Looking back up into her eyes I started to say
something but realized I didn't know what else to say. I
was glad when she added, "It takes someone very mature to
realize they made a mistake and then to come in person to
apologize." She put her arms around me, pulled me
close and embraced me.
      All these years I had thought of her as cold and
heartless but in the few short minutes that I was in
their apartment I learned that she is really a 'mom' and
I can't give her any greater complement then that.
      After our embrace I turned to tell Jamie goodbye and
saw that he had gone back to sleep. I turned back to her
and said, "Would you tell him I said goodbye?"
      "I will Simon." And she led me back to the door to
their place.
      As I was riding back down in the elevator alone, I
started to tear up again and it took the entire journey
back down to the first floor to get myself stopped again.
I walked back threw the lobby, Sam the security guard was
still there and watched me the entire time until I had
walked back out into the night and out of his building.
      Standing on the curb at night downtown is a very
scary thing. It seemed like it took forever before I
finally saw Bull's car come around that corner. When he
pulled up next to the curb Tater got out to let me back
in but when I saw him I lost control and started sobbing.
I hated it too - to be standing there in the night with
Bull, Runt, Two-Toes and Tater watching me sob like a
two-year-old. Tater obviously didn't care what the
other guys or anyone else for that matter thought. He
wrapped both of his huge arms around me and held me so
tight while I cried into his chest.
      "There you go, let it out. Let it out!" he said
patting my back.
      Runt came crawling out of the backseat followed by
Two-Toes. Tater broke his embrace and ushered me into the
back of the car and he came in behind me followed by
Runt. Two-Toes then took the front seat next to Bull.
Sitting in the backseat I couldn't stop crying, I buried
my face in Taters arms and just let myself go. No one
said a word to me as Bull drove slowly away from the 412
building and into the night. Tater was holding me tight
and gently petting the back of my head until I finally
was able to calm down again.
      It must have been a good ten or fifteen minutes
before I was able to get control of myself. I was so
embarrassed to be carrying on like I was and again found
myself wishing I could turn invisible. When I finally
pulled my face out of Taters chest I had no idea where we
were or where we were going. I trusted that we were going
back home but I soon learned otherwise.
      "Where you going?" Tater asked of Bull.
      "Huh?" Bull grunted looking into the rear-view
mirror.
      "You're heading up to North Shore?" Tater asked.
      "Yeah, going to drop Two-Toes off at his
Girlfriends." Bull said almost as if Tater had not been
around when that decision had been made.
      Two-Toes turned around in the front seat. "You done
being a girl?" he said to me.
      In a blur of open handed slaps Runt had flew from
the back seat and was half way into the front of the car
slapping the crap out of Two-Toes leaving him curled up
in a fetal position wedged between the dashboard, the
door and the floor.
      "Open your mouth again!" Runt dared Two-Toes with
his left fist cocked and ready to fire.
      I glanced over at Bull who was grinning ear-to-ear
looking at Runt all curled up like that. Two-Toes didn't
say a word and eventually Runt settled back in his seat
with Bull glancing back at the three of us in the rear-
view mirror every few seconds. Two-Toes didn't say
another word the rest of the trip as he sat looking very
exasperated.
      When Bull pulled up in front of a small yellow-brick
house Two-Toes bailed out and cursed back into the car as
he slammed the door. Runt was on his way out after him
when Bull caught him by the shirt and said, "Let the
Prick go Runt! He's not worth it."
      Runt shouted after Two-Toes, "Your mine at practice
Monday!" and shoved the front seat back into place as he
climbed back into the car.
      Bull started to pull away and Runt turned to me with
a remorseful gaze. Bull said, "Sorry about that Spaz.
He's great on the field but he's a real jerk when it
comes to being a person!"
      I personally would have used a stronger adjective
then 'jerk' to describe him but I let it go. Tater was
still absentmindedly rubbing my back.
      "So what happen up there?" Bull asked, "If you don't
mind saying now?"
      From all the crying I had been doing my sore eye had
swelled back closed and was stinking more then ever. I
shook my head slightly, "I just had to make things right
is all." I said.
      "Everything go ok up there then?" he probed further.
      "I guess better then I thought it would." I said.
      "You ready to go home then?" Tater asked tenderly
rubbing my face dry with his hand.
      "Yeah." I said softly.
      "Mind if we make one more stop on the way?" Tater
asked.
      "Sure." I answered looking up into his eyes and saw
that he was smiling down at me.
      "Bull, I need some juice. Can we make a stop?" Tater
asked to the back of Bulls head putting extra emphasis on
the word 'juice'. Runt turned back around in his seat and
looked to me and then to Tater.
      As Runt was looking at us I suddenly became aware of
the fact that Tater and I were being very clingy to each
other and that maybe that was why Two-Toes had been
acting the way he was. I also found it odd that Bull and
Runt didn't seem to be reacting to this, I mean reacting
badly. Maybe it was because I had been crying but I had
stopped crying now and yet still I let Tater hold me.
      "Uh-OK, you got the green?" Bull asked.
      "Nah! Better find a place to make a withdraw first!"
he said sounding somewhat mysterious.
      "You sure 'bout that?" Bull sent back.
      "Not to worry!" Tater said looking at me and giving
my chin a tweak with his fingers.
      "Better hope he's still up!" Runt said with a impish
grin before turning back around in his seat to face
forward again.
      "OK, time to change the mood in here!" Bull said
clicking on the radio and turning it up so loud that I
thought my ears would bleed. All three of them started
rocking and dancing in there seats. I couldn't help but
to get into the music despite it being hard rock.
      "SPAZ!" Bull shouted over the music.
      "WHAT?" I shouted back.
      "YOU EVER DRIVE BEFORE?" he asked still shouting.
      I shook my head no into the rear-view mirror.
      "WANT TO?" he asked as Runt looked at him with
alarm.
      "YEAH SURE!" I shouted eagerly.
      "TAKE OFF YOUR COAT AND CLIMB UP HERE THEN!" he said
and I heard Tater mutter a loud curse!"
      "REALLY?" I shouted now out of sheer excitement.
      I had my coat off within seconds and as I was
climbing over the seat Bull reached down in front of
himself and released the lever that allowed his seat to
slide all the way back.
      "HERE, SIT ON MY LAP AND TAKE THE WHEEL!" He shouted
into my ear, which probably would have hurt had the music
not already made me half deaf.
      With no hesitation on my part I eased myself right
down onto his lap with my legs and feet dangling between
his knees. My heart was racing as I took hold of the
steering wheel.
      "KEEP IT BETWEEN THAT SOLID WHITE LINE ON THE RIGHT
AND THE YELLOW LINES IN THE MIDDLE." Bull shouted the
directions into my ear.
      He let go of the wheel and said; "IT'S ALL YOURS!"
letting his hands drop into my lap.
      "OH! I'M DOING IT!" I screamed focusing my only
working eye on the street ahead.
      "DON'T FOGET TO CHECK YOUR MIRRORS!" Bull shouted
directions.
      I glanced at both side mirrors and then the rear-
view mirror and saw Tater sitting in the backseat looking
very tense.
      The road was straight for the most part and nice and
flat; it made for smooth sailing. I looked down at the
instrument panel and saw that we were going 78 miles per
hour. I might have been steering the car but since I was
so short, there was no way my feet could have reached the
pedals so Bull was the one still in charge of those.
      "WAAAHOOOOOOOO!" I exclaimed!
      I heard Bull laughing in my ear, "HAVING FUN?" he
asked.
      "HECK YEAH!" I screamed except I didn't say heck.
      "OK, THERE'S GOING TO BE A SLIGHT CURVE TO THE LEFT
AHEAD!" Bull said and my whole body went tense.
      I felt him place his hand on my stomach, "YOU CAN DO
IT!" He assured.
      I saw the curve ahead and it didn't look slight at
all! I turned the wheel a little to the left, no too far,
I was over the yellow lines that were going by so fast
they almost looked like dots, I turned the wheel back to
the right a bit to compensate and just like that I had
taken the curve!
      "YEAH!" I shouted!
      "GOOD JOB!" He said into my ear while rubbed my
stomach and placing his other hand on my thigh and giving
it a squeeze. I glanced back up to the rear-view mirror
and saw Tater frozen stiff in his seat.
      "CALM DOWN TATER! YOU ARE PERFECTLY SAFE,
'C-A-U-S-E - I - A-M - D-R-I-V-I-N-G!" I laughed sounding like a mad
scientist. I could hear Bull laughing too.
      I looked back down at the speedometer and we were
back up to 80 miles an hour. We cruised on down the
street for several minutes. I don't think I could have
been more elated sitting there on Bull's lap and driving
his car! It was such a great feeling.
      Every so often Bull would give my stomach another
rub and had my shirt ruffled in front exposing part of my
belly; two of his fingers were touching my skin now. His
other hand was still on my leg and would give it a
squeeze here and there. I know what he was doing and
really I didn't mind heck I liked it and after all for
those few minutes behind the wheel of that car all my
cares had vanished and were replaced with unreserved
elation!
      Before too long the car started to slow down and
Bull removed his hand from my stomach, which had been in
total contact with my skin by then and reached up to turn
the radio down some. His other hand was now resting on
the inner part of my left thigh rhythmically rubbing. My
ears were ringing and my heart was pounding like war
drums, "Boom, Boom, Boom, Boom!"
      "Ok, my turn!" Bull said slowing the car more,
"We're almost there!" and his other hand left my leg and
took hold of the wheel.
      I didn't want to give up control but I reluctantly
squirmed off his lap and slid down between him and Runt
on the front seat. I looked over at Runt who looked
completely at ease with his head back against the
headrest and then I craned my head to see Tater looking
pale and very relieved that Bull was back in control of
the car. I couldn't help but laugh out loud!
      "You liked that huh?" Bull said dropping his right
hand to where his left hand had just been and pressing in
just a half a finger more.
      "That was so awesome!" I shouted and he squeezed me
again which caused shivers to race up my spine. I spread
my legs just a little allowing his hand to venture
farther between my tights as we continued down the road.
I looked over and saw that we were only doing 25 miles an
hour now that we were starting to come into a populated
area again and his hand finally ventured to my crotch
were he was cupping and rubbing me through my jeans and
Goodnite. I wished so desperately that I had not of worn
the Goodnite now!
      Moments later we pulled into the parking lot of a
convenient store and Bull stopped and removed his hand.
It was obvious that this store was not one of the big
chain stores but was one of those mom and pop stores
which are usually a lot nicer and have a lot more stuff.
Bull clicked off the radio as he whipped the car around
and backed into one of the parking spaces in front of the
store before getting out of the car.
      "Runt you're driving!" he said and it sounded more
like an order.
      Runt climbed out his side of the car and went around
to the driver's side. I started to climb out too but
Tater said, "No you stay in the car Spaz!"
      I was a bit irked at his childish tone he used but I
didn't protest. Runt climbed into the drivers seat next
too me and was readjusting the seat and mirrors for
himself, "You might want to climb in the back seat." he
said staring into the rear-view mirror very intently. I
just shrugged my shoulders and climbed back over the seat
and sort of fell into the back seat accidently bumping
myself in my bad eye.
      "Ah man that hurt!" I bellowed.
      Like I had not said a word Runt asked, "How old are
you again Spaz?"
      I looked up from the back seat still holding my eye
and said, "I'll be twelve in a few more days!" I tried to
make my voice lower as I said it.
      I expected Runt to say something else but he didn't.
Bull had said that Runt didn't talk much and I was
starting to see what he meant. When Runt had something to
say or had something on his mind he said it, otherwise he
was quiet as a mouse!
      Very soon Bull and Tater came back to the car both
moving kind of quickly. The passenger door flew open and
the two of them piled into the front seat. Runt dropped
the car into gear and shot from the parking lot like a
rocket, forcing me back into the seat! I didn't think
anything of it at the time other then they were just
messing around. It wasn't until I saw Bull pulling off
what I thought was one of those children's latex
Halloween masks. I didn't put it all together right away
though.
      "HOLY EFFING SH*T!" Tater shouted wildly pounding
this legs with his fists.
      Bull laughed. "I thought that girl was going to crap
herself!" Bull said equally wildly and drummed the
dashboard with his hands!
      "AAAAAAHHHHHH!!!!!" Bull screamed at the windshield.
      "Spaz here!" Tater yelled tossing back a Mountain
Dew and a Hostess Fruit Pie.
      "Wow! Thanks!" I said back gratefully! I had not
realized it until I started chugging the Dew just how
thirsty I was. It must have been all the crying I'd been
doing.
      After flying down the road a few minutes and making
several turns Runt pulled over to the shoulder and the
three of them swapped seats with Bull taking the wheel,
Runt sitting beside him in the passenger seat and Tater
jumping in the backseat with me again and then we were
off.
      Tater was pounding on the back of Bulls seat and
shouting madly. "Gawd what a Effing rush!"
      And in unison almost like the three of them had been
rehearsing it they chanted, "WE ARE WAY-WAY-WAY-WAY-WAY
OUT OF C-O-N-T-R-O-L!" and howled the last word like a
wolf pack.
      Bull cranked the radio again and the four of us
soared on down the road. I had totally forgot about
getting home, about my eye, about my impending doom and
everything else that had happened. For what I think was
the first time in my life I didn't have a single care or
worry in this world. I was so happy and so elated that I
never ever wanted to come back down again!
      "SO HOW MUCH DID WE SCORE?" Runt shouted back to
Tater.
      I turned to see Tater reach into his jacket and pull
out a huge wad of cash. My one good eye nearly popped
right out of its socket as I suddenly realized what had
just happened!
      "H-h-h-h" I couldn't get it out but it wouldn't have
mattered because they wouldn't have heard me over the
blasting of the speakers.
      Tater was excitedly trying to count the money and I
was desperately trying to breath. I gasped - nothing,
gasped again - still no air. I clutched at my throat and
tried to fumble for my coat that was on the floor. I got
it and reached into my coat pocket for my inhaler but it
wasn't there, too late I realized I had not grabbed it
before leaving the house earlier. I always carry an
inhaler in my backpack since I always have it with me. If
I am going anywhere without by backpack I always remember
to put my inhaler in the pocket of my jacket or if in the
summer into my back pocket but this time, with the
emotional state I had been in, I'd completely let it slip
my mind.
      I gasped again and still could not get a breath.
Tater finally looked over and his eyes widened when he
realized I was in trouble.
      "STOP THE EFFING CAR!" he screamed to Bull and
dropped the money.
      It was kind of funny and maybe even ironic, I mean I
couldn't breath and somewhere in my head a voice was
telling me I was going to die but still calmly I watched
the money falling to the floor of the car sort of like
green feathers drifting downward on the wind and Queen
Latifah sang through the radio, "Get your freak on! Get
your freak on!"
      Tater was on top of my legs pressing on my chest.
"BREATH SPAZ! COME ON BREATH DAMIT!" He shouted but it
was useless I couldn't get a single molecule of air into
my lungs. I could hardly see now, the pain in my chest
was so intense that every other sense was being blocked
out. I blinked once, heard Tate or someone yell something
once more but they sounded so far away and I finally
closed my only good eye.