Written by Danny
I've been lost so long
I suppose I was trying to be funny when I said, "W-w-what d-do y-you mean?" which earned me a lazy slap on my bare leg with the backside of his hand.
"Come on," he groaned, "I am serious!"
From the sound of his voice it was obvious that he knew he was journeying into very treacherous territory. Though my doctor and I have spent many sessions together, my mind, my thoughts and my memories are a vast minefield of emotions. She and I have managed to defuse the explosive impact of some, but there are still countless mines hidden just under the surface, waiting to be triggered.
"Ouch man, stop doing that!" I shouted after he hit me again, only harder this time.
"You did it again!" He said and I realized that this time I must have zoned for more then a few seconds because he was no longer lying down but was on his knees facing me.
With a worried look on his face he said, "Why do you keep doing that?"
I became aware that tears were dripping off either side of my face and falling onto my shirt and legs, leaving small trails where each tear had washed away the sandy residue from my skin.
"I don't know!" I sniffled and wiped my nose on my arm.
"Dude that was gross!" BJ said.
I looked at my arm and saw the glistening streak of snot and could not help but to find it funny.
"You ok?" he asked.
With a sniffle I nodded my head but oppositely said, "No."
Smiling and looking worried at the same time he asked, "So you going to tell me why or are you going to tell on me for asking?"
First I looked away and then back to him, "Uh, I think both!"
He gave me a shove that caused me to fall over onto my left side.
I righted myself again and said, "It's actually kind of funny."
He expressed his mild confusion by crinkling his nose slightly and curving his eyebrows severely upward as he asked, "What is?"
My mouth fell open in astonishment of his brilliant idiocy.
"Why I stopped stuttering!" I said sarcastically.
Now, I hadn't come right out and actually said he was a moron for not realizing I was trying to answer his question, but I was sure implying that he was by knocking against his skull with my knuckles and saying, "I think you might need to get an upgraded, you seems to be running out of hard drive space?"
Exasperated, he brushed my hand away and implored, "Well then tell me!"
I smiled as I began, "Madam-M had us prepping the ship for the arrival of some lady named Katrina."
"Who is Madam-M?" BJ interrupted.
I shot a look at him that needed no words; he got the message loud and clear. He clapped his lips together and slapped a hand over his mouth.
Poking a finger playfully into the sand, I began again. "We had been carrying supplies and some other things onto the ship for a couple days with Runt overseeing our efforts. He had become Madam-M's favorite boy after Bull died."
It is doubtful that BJ notice my mental recess as the imagery of the last time I saw Bull replayed pensively against a scenic ocean background. I could once again see him standing, clutching his side as blood flowed freely down over and into the diaper that was pinned about his loins. Any notions that he was..." I struggled to find the words, "...was one of the bad-guys, had been forever banished from within me when he allowed Tater, Mikey, Billy, Brian and me to escape while he went back to try to rescue Jamie."
BJ's sealed lips broke open, "But he didn't die!"
"I know that!" I said with irritation, "But at the time everyone of us believed he was dead, even Madam-M."
Forgetting that he was interrupting me again, BJ smirked and impishly prodded me, "Bet you were surprised when you came back and heard that he was alive."
I didn't answer but instead continued my telling.
"As it turned out, Katrina was not the lady we all expected her to be; in fact there was nothing lady-like about her. When she finally arrived she was not alone; following closely behind were her two companions, death and disaster. When she spoke the wind and water conformed to her will. On the second day of Katrina's visit she resolved to relocate the Banachelli along with all that cowered deep within. It seems that she felt a ship, no matter how old or how `unship-like' it was now, had no business passing itself off as an orphanage. So she commanded the water to lift the Banachelli and then she sent the wind to blow our vessel out to sea.
During the storm Madam-M, or Miss-M to some of us, had ordered us to go topside and try to tie down anything that had not already been taken by the wind or washed off the deck by the monster waves.
I was scared, more scared then my heart and mind could contain but I still found a way to force my limbs to obey her commands just as I had promised.
As I stepped onto the deck an enormous wave broke over the starboard side of the ship. I was knocked from my feet and nearly washed over the port side. The only reason I didn't end up in the water was because Tater had managed to grab hold of my diaper, which was completely soaked both by my doing and by the wave.
"Stay on your feet Spaz!" Tater laughed, "Wouldn't want to have to fish you out now would we?"
"D-d-defin-n-nitely n-not!" I stuttured from fear and cold, "Th-thanks!"
"Woah, that was a great catch!" he said to Tate.
"Thanks, how about the two of you go secure those crates while I help Runt and Mike over there!" Tate shouted over the roaring storm.
Lowell and I were maybe ten feet from the crates when the bow of the ship heaved and we were both knocked off balance. I rolled head over heals backwards, slamming into a crate with enough force to daze me for a couple seconds.
Funny thing though, right about then I
noticed that the rain seemed not to be falling but essentially moving
perpendicular to the deck of the ship. Through the storm I could make out the
watery image of
There was a flash of lightning that turned night into day for a few seconds and I saw Madam-M standing reminiscent of a bronze statue almost as if she were defying Katrina to try and knock her over. With the force of a fog-horn Madam-M's orders could be heard above the roar of Katrina's waves and wind.
"Come on; get a move on there Micky!"
"What do you think you're doing Peter? Tie it down and get a rope around those."
"Watch it Timmy or we'll be scraping you off the deck and feeding you to the fishies!"
Everyone else seemed to be shouting to one another to; it was sort of a supervised chaos of sorts.
I tried to shout to get Madam-M's attention, "M-M-M-M-M" but I could not get a single word to form.
As the ship heaved again and I was thrown forward, toppled over someone, I think it might have been Tyler and landed right at the heals of Madam-M with my face planted firmly in the crease of her backside before falling backward onto my wet diapered butt.
"L-L-L-L" I tried, I really tried to tell her.
I was pointing franticly toward
I looked up at Madam-M, then back to
Without hesitation she kicked me aside and
started toward the railing
Out of nowhere, someone came swinging on a rope past Madam-M but it was impossible to see who it was through the rain. I watched as the high-flying, rope swinger was suddenly consumed by the waters exactly as I would imagine a mammoth sea monster might swallow someone whole.
Three, maybe four seconds past before we saw
the boy resurface with one arm wrapper around the seemingly lifeless body of
Madam-M shrieked out an order, I still don't know exactly what she said but Tater, Runt and several of the boys had seized the rope and were pulling Jamie and Lowell back abroad.
Until that very second I had not known if my brother was alive or dead. I didn't even have a clue that he had been on board the Banachelli all along.
Winds are blow'n
"Back below, we were all drying off, some were in the process of being re-diapered by Cho or Sister Sarafina, and even a few of the boys were laughing and talking about the storm. We had all been given bottles of hot coco to warm us up; that's when Madam-M came treading heavily to where I was sitting naked and sharing a blanket Jamie. Except for our shared blanket, Jamie was also wholly exposed but he was so happy to be out of hiding and back with me again that it never even occurred to him that his shriveled boy parts were out there for all to see.
He was gleefully sitting to my left drinking
his coco from a bottle like the rest of us and was giving me a one-armed python
hug around my shoulders. He also had the most ridiculous grin on his face,
which he had every right to be flashing after the way he flew through the air,
dove into the water and saved
Just before Madam-M came down from the storm,
If I forget for a moment that my friend
nearly died, the scene before me is most assuredly a candidate for one of those
Kodak moments. Bare feet, naked legs and thighs, thick-bulging diaper covered
with sky-blue rubber pants, exposed belly button and chest from behind a
slightly oversized white-unfastened shirt and hair combed in formal Sunday
school style. With the left side of his mouth,
With a wiggle of his diapered butt he inserted himself between Jamie and myself and rested his head against mine. His body was quite warm and his hair reeked of soap. He later explained to us that Fyer had given him a warm bath before getting him diapered; generously I might add.
Fyer, a giant trapped in a dwarfs body, was the cook and harbored many secrets. One of those secrets, which Lowell and I discovered early on, was that once Segal, Lowell and I got Fyer off the booze and cleaned up he turned out to be a charming and caring man. Heck, after a while I didn't even see him has a midget; he was just Fyer and was our friend.
While we helped Segal get Fyer sober again we happened to learn a few things about him and what events lead him to the Banachelli. Fyer used to be an FBI agent just like Segal but he had made a mistake. That was all it was to, just a mistake, but the result was that 14 women and 47 children were killed and Fyer wasn't able to live with that memory so he tried to drown it with booze.
He lost everything after that—his wife, his
job, his home and then one night while drunk he tried to kill a woman who he
thought was his wife. He was forced to go into hiding to keep from going to
prison and his running from the law led him to the Banachelli where he remained
for quite a few years before
There's no shelter from the cold
BJ touched my arm and startled me back to reality. I suddenly realized how long I had been talking; the sun was hanging low in the sky, casing an amazing lightshow on the water.
I looked up to BJ, he was smiling cautiously as he motioned with his head, "Mom's calling us."
"Huh?" I said still feeling disoriented by the sudden reemergence into the present.
He helped me to my feet, my face felt hot and one look at BJ told me we'd both been out in the sun too long.
"Going to hurt like heck tomorrow!" he said unsure just what to say.
BJ had sat quite, listening to every word and watching as my facial features twisted and contorted to match my resurrected memories. It wasn't until later that night, after I had finished telling him my story and we were both tucked into bed that he told me about my face changing like that.
As we were shaking the sand from our towels, from over BJ's left shoulder I caught sight of someone standing at a distance atop the same rocks BJ and I had been playing on earlier. I had to take half a step to the side to get a better look. The figure was obviously a man but was completely out of place given the fact that we were on a private beach next to the ocean and the man was wearing a dark suit and hat. He was standing, staring right at the two of us.
BJ noticed me and turned to see what I was looking at.
"Oh the centurion? He's been there a while. Bet he's about cooked, dressed like that!" BJ said as though he was as use to seeing them as I was.
We both made our way back up to the house where supper was waiting on us, but I didn't sit down to eat right away. Instead, I took three bottles of water from the cooler, filled a plate with food and without a single objection or inquiry from anyone, I headed back toward the beach and the dark suited man; or as BJ called him, the centurion.
When I returned, everyone had finished eating but there was a plate full of dinner sitting on the picnic table covered with one of those plastic dome things to keep the flies from crawling all over the food.
BJ was sitting on the picnic table waiting for me like an old faithful dog waiting on his master to return after a hard day in the fields. No doubt, BJ would probably want to pound on me for a while if he knew I had just compared him to a dog.
While I tried to eat he proceeded to entertain me with a plethora of really bad jokes. Trying to laugh and swallow at the same time is nearly impossible. Thankfully his mom came to my rescue before I starved to death and made him stop so I could eat without choking.
After I finished my supper BJ and I wanted to go exploring but we were not allowed. Though we could not much feel it just then, apparently we both resembled Lobsters, I mean if BJ's dad can be believed.
So we were both ushered to the bathroom with, "I don't want to hear any objections. The two of you best march yourselves to the bathroom and take a cool bath or I will carry you and wash you myself."
That was all it took; we surrendered and high-tailed it to the bathroom before she got any notion that we were in anyway hesitating.
BJ started the water while I pulled off my shirt and took a second to look at my reflection in the mirror. My chest and shoulders were a soft bronze tone though I could tell that my ocean born tan was gradually fading. My arms from about the middle of my biceps down to the tips of my fingers were a nice crisp pink, by morning it would be a full fledge fire red. Somewhat comically, from the neck up to my cheekbones was also a bit well done however my forehead which had been partially protected by my hair had three light tan lines that seemed to stand out pretty dramatically thanks to the surrounding burnt skin.
I tossed my shirt on the floor and turned to BJ who was still playing around with the water controls. At first I thought he was still wearing his swimming suit but then I realized that I was really seeing his snow-white butt shinning proudly before me.
Maybe I should not have done it, but the devil in me couldn't resist the opportunity and he never saw it coming either. I snuck up behind him on my tiptoes intent on surprising him. I'd say I succeeded nicely and though it had not really been my intent, my aim could not have been better. I thrust a single finger between those white melons and to the surprise of us both, my finger met with no resistance at all as it sunk all the way into BJ's poop-shoot.
The mayhem that ensued went light-years beyond funny. I'm talking (Funny times Infinity to the power of Infinity plus two) or (F*¥¥+2). I wonder if anyone has ever laughed themselves to death?
As my finger slipped in to my third knuckle, BJ made a sound much like a cat whose tail was just stepped on. It all happened so fast; one millisecond he was bent over adjusting the temperature of the water and the next he was turned upside-down in the bathtub.
I wish I had a camera just then to snap a picture of his face as his head came out of the water. He looked altogether baffled but it didn't take long for him to figure out what had happened, however by then I was leaning across the toilet laughing so hard that tears were literally rocketing out of my eyes in great drops.
I have no uncertainties whatsoever that, had his mom not come racing into the bathroom right then to see what all the noise was about, I would have either died while bent over a toilet seat laughing my preverbal ass off or BJ would have beat the living crap out of me. Thankfully, BJ was so embarrassed to have his mom come in when he (1) was naked, and (2) had just been violated by my finger, that his only thoughts were to get rid of her and fast!
"MOOOMMMMM! GET OUUUT!" BJ howled.
Amazingly enough his sun burnt face, neck and ears turned a darker shade of red.
Water was splashing everywhere as he flopped around trying to hide his nudity from her.
"Honestly, like I have never seen you naked before!" She teased, "Did you fall in?"
Thankfully she had looked my away as he started to say no but still laughing insanely, I quickly jumped in, "I pushed him!"
It wasn't entirely a lie, I mean he wouldn't have gone in headfirst if I hadn't slipping in his backdoor and tickled his brain.
"Simon!" she suddenly reverted to mom mode, "You could have hurt him!"
"Moooom I'm fine!" BJ whined, "Would you please just goooo?"
"Alright but no more horse play!" She said wagging a finger at the two of us, "I mean it!"
Just before she closed the door she said, "When you two are finished I want to put something on your sunburns."
"Moooom cllloooose the doooooooooooor!" BJ said in a long whiney groan and I caught his mom grinning as the door shut.
"You're dead!" BJ said letting go of the shower curtain he had been using to hide his boyhood parts from his mother.
Any composure I had managed was lost as I once again succumbed to tearful laughter.
I never would have thought it could get any funnier but as BJ tried to stand up in the tub he must have tried just a little too hard because with a quick, high-pitched fart out popped a mini-poop.
It hit the water with a plop and for a full second neither of us moved or made a sound; that is until I literally exploded.
Despite my scars and the chance for pain, I rolled off the toilet seat and flat on my back on the floor. I was laughing so hard that no sound was coming out of my mouth. I carried on like someone had just shoved a bottle of laughing gas up my butt and turned on the valve.
BJ leaped from the tub, bounded over me and planted his bottom on the seat just as his backside exploded with a vengeance.
"You boys had better be in that tub and soaking!" came his mother's voice from a distance. This only added fuel to the fire, so to speak.
I still don't know how I ended up sitting on the floor by the door; perhaps I was trying to get away from his stinky bum! It was as if my finger had caused some kind of chain reaction in BJ because every time he thought he was done, he'd start crapping again with each bowel-move as loud, if not louder then the first.
He too was laughing nearly as insanely as I was now while desperately holding a towel over his nose and mouth to filter out the stench as well as to muffle his howls of laughter.
It got to the point that we couldn't look at each other because as soon as one of us started to get control again the other would laugh all the harder and we'd both be roaring again.
And then without warning, without a segue and without looking over he asked, "So what happened when that lady..." he took a second to recall the name, "Madam-M?" he said not quite sure he had remembered correctly, "...came down?"
Still laughing, but not as energetically, I blinked and both BJ and the bathroom were gone, replaced by the familiar surroundings of my floating home.
It was as though I never stopped talking on the beach earlier. I was back aboard the Banachelli with Jamie holding tightly to me and Lowell contentedly leaning against me, while sucking noisily on his bottle of coco and playing with the cloth diaper he was holding."
I keep dreaming on
Out of nowhere, Vera jumped into my lap with her tail flared like a bottlebrush, her ears folded backward and her matted hair standing up on her back. There was a low, vibrating growl coming from her and she gave all appearances that she was ready for a battle. For a second or two, I was fearful that I was the one she was mad at. However, I quickly realized that she had sensed what was about to transpire and was fully intent on going to war on my behalf.
There have been five times that I can recall ever seeing what I saw in Madam-M's eyes as she came below deck and approached me.
The first time was in the hospital after she had been shot while trying to arrest Bull, Runt, Tater and Two-toes. Back then I had no idea that she wasn't the Black Amazonian Warriors I had always envisioned her to be. I first witnessed that look in her eyes when I was sitting by her hospital bed, poring my soul out to the woman I only knew as Police Officer Yolanda Mecums.
The second time was in the cavern beneath the barn in the sports park when she was looking at Segal. At that time I had figured their rolls completely backwards. I thought she was rescuing me and that Segal was the bad guy. Boy I sure was blown away when I finally saw the truth in that.
The third time, and probably the third most angry I have ever seen her was when she arrived at the Banachelli and saw the deplorable conditions that Mr. and Mrs. Wriggle had forced us boys to live in. I'm sure they both regretted their treatment of us for a whole second before they were slaughtered.
Sitting there with my naked bother Jamie and diapered Lowell was the fourth time, but not the final time. I didn't know that the day would come when I would once again bare witness to the fury that burned within her eyes as I betrayed her by killing her precious Runt, took command of the Banachelli and set her adrift in the Atlantic ocean along with those still loyal to her.
There is no denying the fact that Madam-M can be as mercilessly brutal as she can be kind and loving but it's a murky line between the two. It's wise to not try to walk to close to the line for fear of unknowingly stumbling into trouble.
Before anything was said, it was painfully clear that Madam-M was plenty mad and any good points I might have had with her were sure gone now.
She looked at
As though I wasn't even there her eyes passed to my brother.
"I suppose you're the little thief that's been stealing bits of my breakfast every morning?"
This was another one of those moments where it was difficult to tell if she was being mean or nice.
Jamie stood up, extended his hand and said very ceremoniously, "Pleasure to finally meet you face-to-face Madam-M! I'd be honored if you didn't toss me overboard and let me join your crew."
He'd have done good had he stopped there, but being Jamie he had to add just a weeee bit more.
"Oh and sorry about swiping your sausages and berries but you didn't really need all that food did ya?"
Nearly the entire room gasped at his audacity as he nudged her belly.
I think the ship itself sighed with relief as she smiled and exploded with a ship-rattling laugh as she gripped his hand and shook it like she were trying to dislocate his arm from his shoulder.
Abruptly her face went cruel; she leaned down and tugged on his arm to bring him closer. She spoke almost in a normal, calm, conversational sort of way.
"Let me catch you stealing so much as a crumb of bread again and I'll be using your hide to make myself a new purse! Got it?"
I nearly choked on my own spit when Jamie leaned forward and softly kissed her cheek.
"Got it!" he whispered back.
Standing back up to full height Madam-M turned and scanned the room until she found Sister Sarafina who was standing frozen, half way through diapering one of my fellow bunkmates.
When their eyes met Madam-M asked, "Sarafina darling would you get this stowaway a proper bed, He'll be staying with us for a while..."
Madam-M's voice trailed off in thought as she affectionately petted Jamie's hair the way someone might pet a dog, "Uhh, put him in with his brother if you can and let him fetch his things from beneath the bowsprit.
She looked back at Jamie who was gawking at her with astonishment.
She cracked a knowing smile, winked and half whispered to him, "I knew someone was sleeping in there, but for the life of me I couldn't manage to catch you actually in there."
I think maybe Jamie felt a little bit of pride in his ability to stowaway on her ship without once being seen.
Madam-M suddenly turned to me with anger filling her face and voice once more, "You nearly got your friend killed up there! Why didn't you say something?"
I nearly dissolved into a puddle of trembling tears; "I-I-I," was all I could get out.
Vera sank her claws into the flesh of my legs and hissed loudly as Madam-M took half a step toward me.
Completely ignoring Vera, she yelled with controlled rage. "I asked you a question and I expect an answer or would you rather that I just cast you off my ship right now!"
"I-I-I t-tried!" I bawled.
"The hell you did!"
"H-H-Honest I-I d-d-did!" I could barely see through my tears.
"If that had been you hanging from that railing you can bet we would have heard you loud and clear!"
"P-P-Please, I-I-I" I tried to beg.
"Stop that stammering or I will toss you overboard this minute!" she warned.
I looked over at
I looked back up into those flaming eyes of Madam-M and all sense of intellect left me as my emotions took over. I couldn't see or hear anyone else in the room; it was just she and I and for my part I felt that before this was over one of us would be dead.
"You bitch!" My words seemed to take her by surprise.
From the corner of my eye I thought I saw her left hand twitch.
"What did you say?" she asked in a peaceful-rage.
"YOU GOD DAMN BITCH!" I shouted.
"What?" she seemed to be growing larger by the second.
"YOU GOD DAMN OVER SIZED BITCH!" I was screaming now.
Her head tilted forward as she said, "Say that again."
"YOU GOD DAMN OVER SIZED BLACK WHORE-BITCH!"
The silence between us hung in the air like the smell of something that had died and had been baking in the summer sun for a couple of day.
Finally she smirked and said, "That's what I thought you said." and then turned as if she were going to just walk away. "By the way," she paused and looked over her shoulder at me, "don't make it a habit of calling me that."
I watched in disbelief as she walked out of the room, leaving me alive, after what I had just said... Wait... what had I said? And it hit me like being clobbered upside the head with a telephone pole that I had not stuttered; as angry as I was and I didn't stutter.
"You think that is funny?" BJ interrupted me and startled me so badly that a few drops of pee dribbled out of my penis but were quickly lost amidst the soapy bathwater we were sitting in.
"Huh?" I said feeling disoriented from the sudden mental time shift back to the present.
"You said this was going to be funny." BJ repeated.
I shook my head clear, blew my breath out through puckered lips and blinked a few times.
BJ was sitting in the bathwater across from me. He was leaning against the back of the tub with his legs extended under mine and his feet wedged behind my bottom. I had my back to the faucet and now being shorter then BJ, my legs didn't extend as far as his so my feet were resting on his soapy belly with my legs bent slightly.
Maybe I was miffed by his interruption or maybe it was emotions that had somehow managed to time travel with me from the past that caused me to react the way I did. With more force then I thought I was capable of, I thrust the souls of my feet into his abdomen. The maneuver had the intended effect on BJ, however I had not figured on the fact that my butt might move as well.
As my thrust forced the air out of BJ's lungs I was in turn sent slipping only a few inches backward, but a few inches was all that was needed to allow the bathtub spout to jab me vehemently in the back.
I only remember bits and pieced of the remainder of that night. I saw BJ grabbing my legs and looking like he was going to get even for me kicking him. The next image I can recall is him hugging me against his chest and screaming into my ear, "MOM! DAD! SIMON IS BLEEDING!"
The next thing I knew, I was laying in the dark, on my stomach, apparently in bed with my back and body aching and someone, I think it was BJ snoring above me. I tried to move to see exactly where the snoring was coming from but ripples of pain radiated from my back to all of my extremities.