Written by Danny
If you can't beat `em...
"I still can't believe you left that lunatic
in charge of your boat!"
I put my hand on
"And what does that make us?" Jamie asked.
"Hey, we might be pirates but we're good
"There's no such thing as good pirates!" Jamie argued.
"Yeah there is! We only stole back what others shouldn't have had in the first place!" I said even though I knew it wasn't the complete truth.
"I'm not talking about food or getting back all of those subliminal wetting CD's and DVD's the fat witch was trying to spread around the world." Jamie was getting a little worked up now and I feared that he was talking too loud.
"Then what are you talking about?"
"It's just... I mean... Oh heck, I don't know!" Jamie finally sighed heavily and surrendered his position.
"So can we see the map again?"
"Nope!" I said quickly.
"Ah come on Simon you never let us hardly see it!" Jamie protested.
For the briefest of moments I felt the old Simon, the Simon I had become while in command of the Banachelli come rushing to the front and take control. "Listen you two! Shut it or I'll shut it for you!" Lowell and Jamie sat stunned starring at me with shocked wonder.
Like I said, it only lasted for a very brief moment and then I was back to normal again. "Sorry guys! I don't know where that came from."
"I do!" Jamie said.
Nodding my head I said, "Yeah, I guess I do too."
"So if we can't see the map will you at least
tell us where we're going this time?"
"I hope it's somewhere warm and no more rain." Jamie added.
"Nope, nope and triple nope!" I said with a knowing grin.
"What's that supposed to mean?" Jamie sighed.
"No I won't tell you. No it won't be warm and no I can't promise that there won't be rain." I said smugly.
"You know, I liked you better before you had
After knocking his hand away I balled up my fist and shook it under his nose.
"You know I got half a mind..." but I didn't get to finish `cause Jamie cut me off.
"Yeah `cause you only had half a brain to start with!" He then giggled at his own cleverness.
The two of them are about the only ones I allow to tease me about my scare that I got when Runt had slammed my head into the edge of his cabin room door and split me open. I knew that neither of them meant anything mean, they just enjoy messing with me almost as much as I enjoy messing with them.
"That does it!" I said punching myself in the leg. "When we get back on the Banachelli you're both getting locked in irons and all you'll get to eat will be rotten meat and moldy bread!"
"So in other words nothing will be
Using his fingers to imitate me, Jamie said, "Blah--blah--blah! I am Captain Simon! Blah--blah--blah! I am the greatest! Blah--blah--blah!"
But he got his fingers a little too close to my face. Gawd will he ever learn? With dog-like reflexes I snapped my teeth at him and caught one of his fingers.
"Oh--Oh--Oh! I'm sorry! I'm sorry! Oh Simon I'm so sorry!" Jamie whimpered while trying not to be too loud.
With his finger still clamped between my teeth I asked, "You done `eing a `utthead?"
Jamie looked to be on the verge of tears as he moaned, "Oh god Simon you're going to bite it off! Please let go!"
I finally opening my teen and he tucked his aching finger under his arm and began rocked back and forth.
"Geez you're dumb!"
"Me?" he shot back.
"Even I know better then to stick my fingers
in the mouth of a wild animal."
"Who you calling a wild animal?" I shot back at
"If the mane fits..." he started to say, "Oh
wait you're already wearing it."
"Hey watch the hair!" I said trying to sound conceded.
Jamie's eyes were still glassy and he was acting as if I'd hurt him more then I thought I did. Holding my hand out, palm up, I said to Jamie, "Let me see it!"
"No!" he pouted.
"Come on! I don't bite!" I teased.
I caught hold of Jamie's wrist and pulled his hand toward me. At first he wouldn't open his fist but I was able to pull his fingers open. There were definite teeth marks but no blood.
"Geez you're not
even bleeding you big baby!"
I started to lean forward to kiss it to make it better but fearing that I was going to bite him again Jamie quickly jerked his hand away.
"Easy!" I laughed, "I told you I don't bite!"
He stuck his tongue out at me. Quick as a
"Ahouch!" Jamie cried and cupped both hands over his mouth.
Boy the look he gave
Jamie must have had enough because he swung his legs back and laid down on the right side of the bed with his back to us.
I placed a hand on his diaper covered hip and asked in a brotherly style, "You ok lil' bro?"
He knocked my hand away.
While Jamie sulked, Lowell and I got caught up in this discussion about professional skateboarder, Tony Hawks. Don't ask me how we got on that subject because I honestly haven't got a clue. You know, come to think of it, I think he and I have had that same conversation at least once before.
Neither of us even realized that Jamie hadn't said anything in a while until I felt Jamie's elbow bump mine.
"What are you doing?" I asked Jamie who suddenly went tense.
"Oh man, are you doing what I think you're doing?"
Jamie twisted his head around and grinned maniacally.
"Oh dude you are! Boy can't you go ten
minutes without playing with it?" I asked in the same disgusted tone
Jamie turned his head a bit more so that he was looking right at us both. He had a wild look in his eyes. Whatever had got Jamie worked up into a sexual frenzy must have been contagious because the other side of the bed began to shake and when I looked over at Lowell he was stretched out and was trying frantically to get his hands down the front of his diaper.
"Disgusting huh?" I said to him.
"My diaper is on too tight!"
"If you guys are going to do that, then go back up to the top bunk!" I said but neither paid any attention to me at all.
Jamie had begun to breathe heavier and
I on the other hand sat up and scooted to the end of the bed.
"You guys are insane!" I mumbled, "And I'm the one they send to a shrink?!"
I got off the bed and saddled up to my desk. I won't lie, a part of me wanted to join them but a larger part was repulsed by the idea. Ever since the day Runt had raped me I've wanted absolutely nothing to do with sex.
I pressed the power button on my computer, plugged my e-journal into the USB port and began copying all of my entries onto my computer for safe keeping.
While the files were transferring, I looked
back to the bed and seen that
I nodded and he retired to the top bunk with Jamie.
Though I was tired and could have slept I felt the need to do some writing. There was something that was bugging me and I wasn't quite sure what it was. I was hoping that writing might bring it out.
So, I've been sitting here now for nearly two hours typing all of this out and no, whatever it was that was bugging me never materialized. A little while ago I had a case of the munchies and snuck out to the kitchen where I made myself a ham salad sandwich with cheese, pickles and pickled banana peppers. I also put all three of our sippy-cups into the sink before poring myself a baby-bottle with Coca-Cola and ice.
When I had come back to my desk I had to do some back reading to figure out where I'd left off writing about life aboard the Banachelli which is what I have been doing for the last ten minutes or so.
It seems the last thing I wrote about from back then was being summoned to Miss-M's office to be reassigned from the kitchen to somewhere else in the ship.
As I reached the closed door to Miss-M's office I could hear heated voices behind it. I stopped and instead of knocking I put my ear to the door to listen.
I recognized Runt's voice. "... it's making him sick!"
"If we start letting one boy quit, then others will want to stop." That was Madam-M, I was sure of it. "No, Mikey keeps taking it just like everyone else and that is the end of it! I don't want to hear another word about it."
I'm not exactly sure but I think I heard Runt answer with a simple, "Yes mam."
"Now, we're going to be reaching," I had to press my ear even closer to the door to hear Madam-M, "our first destination in just three days. I want all of the subliminal wetting CD's and DVD's ready to be taken ashore as soon as we make port."
Someone else began to speak but I didn't recognize their voice however it was definitely a man's voice. "Will we be taking on more supplies?"
"Thirty-thousand blank DVD's, forty-five-thousand blank CD's and more food and water." I heard Madam-M say and then I thought it sounded like someone was walking toward the door so I quickly knocked.
Before the door opened I heard Madam-M muffle an order, "All of you go out the other way! Now! And be quick about it!"
A moment later the door to her office opened and I was greeted by Madam-M's toothy smile. She was wearing an extremely low cut, backless evening gown but no shoes and her hair looked... well it was nice but at the same time it looked disheveled as though she had been out in the wind.
"There you are Simon sweetie. I was wanting to speak with you." She said trying to act delicate and feminine and failing at both.
"Yeah, I was told you were taking me out of the kitchen?" I said with more attitudes then I meant to project.
"Oh," she sounded like I'd caught her off guard, "Well, only if you want." She said with a sing-song note to her voice.
"In that case I don't want to!" I said so quickly that I think I might have ticker her off just a bit.
I started to move toward the door but she did a weird sort of spin that reminded me of a hippopotamus trying to do ballet. Wasn't there some Mickey Mouse movie that had dancing hippos in it? Anyway, she picked up a fancy wine glass that I guessed contained wine and sipped. "Your friend Lowell tells me you're quite the computer whiz kid."
"Wouldn't you like to get out of that hot, dreary kitchen..." she began.
I cut her off "It's not so bad." but she didn't even waver.
"and instead work in our nice cool computer lab that we have set up in the back of the ship?" she took another sip of her wine and swished it around in her mouth.
"If I did, then I'd be working with
"If you like I can make sure you get to sit right beside your little friend." She did another spin and sat herself behind the desk.
I noticed for the first time since coming into the office that hanging on the wall behind the desk was a new portrait. When I had been in that office before, I mean when the Wriggles had still been alive, that portrait hadn't been there. It was a painting of Runt, Tater, and Bull dressed in their Panther football uniforms with helmets tucked under their right arms. They were kneeling in front of Miss-M and standing beside her was some black man who seemed mildly familiar to me. It wasn't until later that I made the connection that he was the same drunken man I'd seen inside that freaky house not far from where the Banachelli use to sit back in Louisiana. Except in the painting he didn't look as disgusting as he did when I'd had the unfortunate pleasure of meeting him.
I glanced down at Miss-M who was not looking at me but had turned and was looking at the portrait too. "Oh that? I had that painted over a year ago." She said turning back to me.
I looked up at the likeness of Bull and I honestly don't know for sure if I only thought it or if I actually said his name, "Bull."
"I assure you I did." She said.
"Huh?" I said confused and then dismissed it, "Do you miss him?" I asked.
She surprised me when I looked down and saw that her face was warped with private sorrow. She partially recovered and asked, "Do you remember when I told you that I have three sons of my own?"
Up to that instant I hadn't remembered but when she said it I recalled the words.
"Uh, yeah I think so."
She smiled, well, sort of smiled; actually it looked like she needed to fart. I didn't get it right away so she smiled wider.
"Hold on a minute! You are... I mean they are... I mean... That's impossible!" I said.
"Of course it is impossible. I never said I was their birth mother, no more then your own mother is your birth mother." She had said that last bit so fast that I didn't even know I had heard it until much later. Of course when the words finally did sink in I ran back to Miss-M and asked her about it. Surprisingly I didn't believe her when she told me that my dear sweet Aunt Catharine was in fact my real mother and the woman I'd always thought was my mother was actually my aunt.
"They are my boys because I made them my boys just like I did with you and every other boy on this ship." She said smugly.
The words I had overheard before coming into the office began replaying in my head and I asked, "Every boy?"
She looked puzzled at my query.
"What about the one that you are making stay sick?" I said not really knowing what I was talking about or why I was putting myself in harms way.
She looked at the closed door to her office, then to me, then back to the door.
"You were eavesdropping?" she asked making it sound like she couldn't believe that I'd done something so dastardly.
When I didn't answer she said, "Oh my dear sweet, sweet baby-doll! I do wish you didn't know about Tate's younger brother or any of this little thing."
"Mikey's the one that is sick?" I thought to myself, "Of course, that's why he looks so horrible all the time."
A thought suddenly occurred to me that I couldn't let whatever was going on to continue, not if it meant that Mikey would be sick or maybe even die. So I said, "Stop giving Mikey whatever it is you are giving him and I will make you a hard fast deal."
She was looking at me as if she wanted to slap my face right off my skull but I could also tell that what I had just said struck her in a good way.
I tried to sweeten the deal further. "No one needs to know. Not even Runt if you don't want." I said motioning toward the other door which I was guessing that Runt and the others had exited out of before I came into the room. "If you want, it will be a secret just between us. Mikey will get better and..." I faltered momentary before offering myself to her, "I'll take Bull's place."
Well I sure struck a nerve with that one because she began to swell up two--three--four times her normal size.
"You'll do what?" she said with eyes so big she looked like one of those Australian animals they call Bush Babies.
Now I'm making it sound like I was this brave, heroic, rock-solid person but in truth I was scared as hell and praying that I lived through all this.
"Whatever Bull was..." I started to say knowing full well that I didn't have a clue what was really going on but I quickly changed my mind and instead I tried to bluff, "I know he was working for you just the way that Tate and Runt still are and that is what I want to do."
I paused to gauge her reaction before continuing, "No questions, no arguing, and no nothing except for doing whatever you tell me to do. Oh and I promise that there won't be any more bad blood between Runt and me anymore as long as he keeps his..." I paused before saying it, "man-snake away from me."
My thinking was that whatever was going on, I might as well be in the center of it if it meant that Mikey would be ok. I also figured that if I was going to spend the rest of my life hiding out on the Banachelli why not make sure that I was on the inside track.
When I had said that about Runt and his man-snake Miss-M suddenly deflated. I'm serious when I say she deflated. It was like someone had let all of the air out of her. She fell back into her chair with her mouth hanging open for several seconds before she placed both palms firmly on her desk and sneered like a rabid dog. When she finally spoke her words sort of rolled out as though she were reading them from a cue card, "Are you telling me that Runt did more to you then just beat you up?"
I didn't have to answer and I didn't think I could anyway. I honestly thought she knew that part to but apparently she hadn't had a clue.
She stood erect, walked around her desk and stood facing me with less then twelve inches of air between us. I flinched when she reached around to place her hand on the back of my head. She briefly paused before petting my head. I looked up, way up, into her face to see that she was crying. She wasn't looking at me but instead was looking at the portrait on the wall.
"I had no idea that he could do something like that." She sniffled as she spoke.
I don't know where my emotions were, but they sure weren't in the room with us. I did a sidestep before backing away from her; stuck out my hand and said, "Do we have a deal?"
She squatted down, which was an amazing feat considering how tight her dress was. "Do you know if he has done that to any other boy?"
Her question caught me off guard.
I dropped my hand and backing several more steps away. When I answered it came out sort of muffled and reserved, "What?"
That thought sent chills threw me, it was something I didn't want to think about but if I was honest with myself I had suspected it all along. I put a hand up to my mouth as though I was trying to keep myself from speaking, but my neck betrayed my mouth and caused my head to nod a firm yes.
I looked into her eyes, they seemed dark and lifeless; like dolls eyes.
"Well you can be sure that I will find out." She said and the way she said it made my blood run cold.
There was a knock at the door behind me and I was so shocked that I jumped, spun in midair toward the door and landed with a plop. The knock had startled me so badly that without my knowing it right away, I had both wet and soiled my diaper. I felt Miss-M's enormous hand come to rest on my shoulder as she pulled me backward several feet.
"Come in." she announced in that sickening sweet voice that she uses sometimes.
The door opened and surprise--surprise, it was Mikey. The look on his ashen face when he saw me with Miss-M was absolutely priceless. His face went from astonishment to confusion back to astonishment all in the space of about 1/100th of a nanosecond.
"Mike, would you be a deer and fetch Runt and your brother for me?" Miss-M asked.
It was weird, it wasn't that difficult a request but the way Mikey reacted made it seem as though it had caused him a bit of pain. He placed a hand against his head as he spoke, "Uh, yeah, ok, sure, I mean, uh, I guess but..." Mikey started to say without taking his eyes off of me. He thumbed over his shoulder, "Runt is the one that said I was supposed to come see you."
"Oh he did, did he?" she said sounding miffed and humored at the same time.
"Well, be a dear and run to get them both please." She said, "Tell them I want to see them both without delay."
I've no idea what Runt was playing at sending Mikey in. Maybe he wanted Miss-M to see for herself just how sickly Mikey looked.
While the two of us waited for them she went back around her desk and sat down. Maybe it was just the chair squeaking under her weight but it kind of sounded to me like she passed a little wind. Anyway, while we waited she stared at me as though she were studying me. After a couple minutes she finally spoke, "Since the first moment I set eyes on you I knew you were more special then any other boy I had ever known. I've come to learn that you are everything I had heard you were and yet you are so much more then I could have expected. You have a fire within you that no one can put out and from what I have heard that..." she used several very colorful words to describe Mr. Wriggle, "did his utmost to stomp it out of you but he failed spectacularly."
I shook my head as though I was trying to shake off her flattery.
"No--no! There's no deigning it Simon; it's there and I'm not the only one who sees it." She said however it was the way she said it that really got to me. She sounded like she did the day I'd come to see her at the hospital after she had been shot.
I was brought out of my thoughts by a light rapping on the door, this time I didn't jump at all. Amazingly, never once did Miss-M loose her cool or act mad as she stood up, walked to the door and opened it. In a blur I saw her reach out, grab Runt by the shirt and jerk him into the room like a rag doll. Without letting go of him she slapped the side of his head seven, eight, nine times before letting him fall to the floor in a heap.
I glanced at Tater who was still standing in the open doorway looking like a scared three year old boy fearing that he was next.
While Runt was laying on the floor bleeding and curled up in a ball she crossed back to the door, closed it and then lovingly put her hand on Tate's face.
"Remove his pants and diaper." She said so softly that I barely heard her.
Tate hesitated for several seconds before doing as he'd been told. I guess he knew better then to disobey her.
I was watching Tate strip Runt so I didn't see Miss-M go to her desk and remove a white plastic jar. Given my background in diapers my first thought was that it was a jar of diaper cream; I mean that is what it looked like.
She stood over Runt who seemed to be barely conscious. It seemed odd to me that first she would slap him silly then change his diaper but then again, I was just glad to see Runt hurting. I mean after what he did to me, seeing him lying there gave me a great deal of satisfaction. The only thing that would have made me feel better would be if I had been the one who had done the slapping.
With a snap she slid on a yellow rubber glove like the ones people use when they are cleaning their house except on her big hand it was tight like a surgeons gloves. She then opened the jar and with her gloved hand she scooped out a large glob of semitransparent whitish goo. She began to smear it all over Runts penis and sack meticulously. I mean she really worked it into his skin and then calm as could be she returned the jar to her desk.
I'll add that I noticed something else odd about Runts privates... they were completely void of hair. Just like his head they appeared to have been shaved off; at least that's what I thought at the time. I've since learned that one of the side effects of the so called vitamins Madam-M was giving us all is that it inhibits the growth of body hair.
With a self satisfied grin Miss-M pulled off the glove, dropped it into the drawer too and then did nothing. She just watched Runt squirm, then arch his back. Suddenly he began to scream and I don't just mean yelling; I mean he was screaming as if someone was cutting his jewels off with a dull, rusty pocket knife. His body flopped around on the floor like a fish out of water and he was clawing madly at his privates.
"IT BURNS!" Runt screamed.
Miss-M must have seen the horrified look on Tater's face because she said, "Oh relax Tate darling. It's only Icy-Hot. The burning only lasts for about twenty minutes and doesn't do any real damage."
What she did next caught both Tate and me off guard. It happened so fast that at first I wasn't sure it happened. Miss-M kicked Runt in the one place no guy wants to be kicked. With a single swing of her leg she punted Runt's nads into outer space.
"That on the other hand," she said stroking Tater's face again, "will hurt for weeks to come." She gave a self satisfied chuckle before adding, "I doubt he'll be using it for quite a while."
She then stepped overtop of Runt who was still screaming bloody murder; she straddled his torso, bent down and slapped his face, "Do I have your attention now?"
When he didn't reply she slapped him again only much harder.
"Young man, I'm talking to you!" she said almost as though she were talking to a small child.
"Yes," Runt managed to say.
"If I ever find out that you have had sex with any other boy on this ship again, so help me I will cut your balls off and feed them to you!"
It was really weird the way she spoke to him. I mean it wouldn't have surprise me if she had smacked his hand and said he was a naughty little boy.
Turning to Tate she then said, "Take him out of here. I can't stand to hear children crying."
When she and I were alone again she smiled and said, "I do hate when I have to get mean."
"Mean?" I thought to myself, "That wasn't mean, that was justice." But I didn't actually tell her that I felt that way. Instead I found myself asking the dumbest thing, "Why does Icy-Hot burn like that?"
"Oh baby you don't ever want to get that stuff on a tender place like your little peepee. First it feels like you're on fire then it gets super cold. It's just awful!"
She then picked up her wine glass again, took a sip and said, "Now enough about Runt. Come over here and sit on my lap so we can talk about you!"