Written by Danny
Hard come, easy go
"Oh sick!" I groaned loudly and sat up quickly to keep from giving him another opportunity to do it again.
"Wow you've been out of it for nearly three hours!" Jamie said between a fit of giggles and wiping his own tongue with his shirt.
"Only three hours? Well why did you wake me up then?" I said grumpily.
"You taste horrible! You know that?" Jamie said still trying to get the taste of my ear off of his tongue.
"Serves you right for waking me up." I said reaching for my pillow.
"You've got company." He said now trying to straighten out his shirt.
"Who?" I asked with a big yawn and then I noticed something. "Wait a sec'; that's my shirt you're wearing!"
Jamie looked down, "Son of a gun! You're right!" he said without a care in the world that he'd just wiped his slobbering tongue all over one of my shirts.
"So who's here to see me?" I said still a bit grumpy for having been awakened so rudely.
"Come see!" was all he said before bolting out of our room.
"Jamie, come back here!" I called after him but it was useless; he had already gone.
When I reached the living room it was sure a
wonderful surprise to see my dear sweet Mary sitting on the couch talking with
"Hi Mary!" I exclaimed upon seeing her shining face.
"Oh you're up!" is all she said before standing to give me a big hug.
"I told your brother not to wake you!" she said shooting an evil eye in Jamie's direction.
"Well I'm glad he did!" I said, "I would have been more than a little upset if I had missed you."
"I missed you so much while you were on vacation!" she said hugging me for the second time.
"Me too!" I said, and then realizing that it don't sound right I quickly recovered with, "I mean, I missed you too."
I could see
"How'd you know?"
"I can see your reflection in Simon's eyes!" she said.
My heart gave a flutter to know that she had been looking that earnestly into my eyes. And then she noticed that I'd cut my hair.
"Oh my gosh Simon!" she said while putting a hand over her mouth in surprise, "You cut your hair!"
The devil in me couldn't resist a chance to tease her just a bit.
"What?" I said with fake alarm and tried to spin around like a dog chasing its tale.
Mary didn't buy into it at all.
"Oh Simon, I really do like it!" she said making me turn my back to her so that she could touch and stroke my braided tail.
And then she did something I hadn't been expecting but at the same time it didn't freak me out too much. With a single finger she pulled the back of my pants and diaper to check if I was in need of a diaper change. Since I had been sleeping for a few hours I was indeed ready for a fresh diaper. However, she didn't say anything about the condition of my wet diaper or suggest that she or perhaps mom should change it.
"Did you use conditioner in your hair? It's so soft!" she commented while petting my ponytail.
"Nah, mom just washed it several times," I started to say as I turned back around to face her, "because she was trying to get all the sand out of it from the beach."
Lowell and Jamie took great delight in tormenting the two of us. They kept making kissy-faces and acting like us by hugging one another. For the most part we just ignored them but after Mary left, you can bet I got even!
Mary only stayed for a short time and the
second Mary was out of the house I spun around to see
I decided to go after
Jamie wasn't too bright because while I was
Boy mom got mad at us `cause the Iced Tea had splashed all over the fridge, the stove and the floor not to mention Jamie's shirt, shorts and hair. The dork ended up having to take another bath which he wasn't too happy about but it served him right for messing with Mary and me.
Of course I didn't let it end there. No, I wasn't letting him off with just a little Iced Tea in the face; I had to get him better then that. So while he was in the shower I got a cup of cold water, stood on the toilet seat and reaching over the shower curtain I dumped the cold water right on top of him. Oh boy did he scream!
"SIMON!" he bellowed, "I'M GOING TO KILL YOU!"
I ran from the bathroom and into my room
where I found
I'm sure things would have continued like that for a while if mom hadn't come in and put a stop to us by saying that if we didn't stop roughhousing she was going to put us all into separate rooms.
A few minutes later Jamie returned to our room wrapped in a towel and looking like he wanted to rip my heart out through my backside.
"Hello beautiful!" I said innocently.
"Don't hello me dork!" he said as he whipped off his towel and tried to snap me with it.
"Mom said to stop roughhousing." I said holding a hand up is if my hand was going to somehow keep me from being snapped by the towel.
When he tried again I bellowed, "Moooom! Jamie's still being bad!"
"Tattle tale!" Jamie said and then stuck out his tongue.
"No thanks I use toilet paper!" I said back.
Mom must not have heard me because she didn't come in although it didn't matter because Jamie had stopped. He had gone to his own dresser, pulled out a GoodNite and stepped into it before laying on his bed to pet little Vera who was purring loudly.
I've no idea where
"What are you doing back there?" I asked him while kicking him in the diapered butt.
"Hey, no kicking!" He said and then added, "There is something in the register vent but I can't get the cover off.
When I looked down through the cover I knew
instantly what it was that
Whispering now, I said to
I had to shush him `cause he was talking so dang loud.
"You want to hold it down?" I hissed.
"Oh, sorry!" he said ceremoniously smacking his own mouth.
We both looked to see if anyone was watching
us; they weren't, so we worked together to get the cover off. When we did I
reached down in, pulled the dusty money out and handed it to
"I don't want that! It's hot!" he said pulling away from me and the money.
"Don't be a dork! Take the money, put it down your diaper and then go back to my room." I said in a quiet but commanding tone.
I replaced the register cover and then calmly returned to my room where I found Jamie already fingering the money with a greedy look in his eyes.
"Don't even think about it!" I said when I walked in and saw him counting it.
He grinned, nodded his head and said, "Oh I am thinking about it!"
"Well stop `cause you can't have any of it!" I said.
"Why not?" the two of them said at the same time.
"Oh now you want it?" I said accusingly to
"What are you going to do with it?" Jamie asked with big dollar signs flashing in his greedy little eyes.
"I don't know but we're not keeping it!" I said.
"You know something?" I said to
"What's that suppose to mean?" he asked.
I didn't answer but instead went over and began collecting the money that was now spread all over the bed.
"It's stolen money and I don't want it!" I said. "It's just not right!"
"Hold on a second!" Jamie said, "With all the stuff you did on the ship..."
I quickly cut him off, "You mean we did!"
"Yeah whatever! But you know what I mean!" Jamie was looking as though he was getting a bit worked up.
"I said we're not keeping it and that's final!" I said with more confidence than I felt just then.
"Ok then what are
you going to do with it?"
"Will you stop asking me that?" I said shoving the money back into the bag.
"How about giving it to the needy?" Jamie said.
"Yeah that's a good idea." I said.
Jamie then held out his hand. "So give it here `cause I need it!"
"Ha! Ha!" I laughed mockingly.
As if right on queue there was a tap at my window which startled all three of us. But then I saw who it was. It was the bodiless head of Jasper Hawkins, Bulls younger brother.
Quickly I shoved the money inside my diaper before going to the window and opening the few inches that it would open with the locking mechanism in place.
"Hi Jasper!" I said surprised that he had come over.
Even after Jasper had learned about everything that had happened after our disappearance and subsequent return he and I were still not on the best of terms. Though he hadn't actually said so, I got the feeling that he still blames me for all the problems his family was still having.
"Thought you should know," he started to say but something in his face alarmed me.
"They posted the class schedules on the front doors of the school. Me and you," He was speaking about me, "are going to be in all but one class together this year."
"Oh," was all I could say. I had been expecting some tragic or alarming news but instead it was just news about the coming school year which was due to begin in just a few more days. Of course there was no way I could tell him that Lowell, Jamie and I weren't planning on being around much longer.
"Well, that's..." I faltered for a moment before saying, "that's great Jasper! Thanks for letting me know."
With that he said, "Well, guess I'll see ya at school then!" and he left.
Once the window was closed again Jamie asked, "You think he saw the money?"
"I've no doubt that he did!"
"We've got to get rid of it and fast!" I said.
Jamie then said, "Are you sure we can't keep even just a little?"
"No!" I said firmly. "Besides, dirty money like this won't buy you happiness!" Yeah I know it was a bad use of an overused cliché' but it was all I could come up with on the spot.
Jamie stuck out his bottom lip like he was pouting and said, "Well even still, it would be nice to have the chance to prove that money can't make me happy."
And then Jamie jumped up from the bed, thrust out his hand and said, "Give me the money!"
"Jamie I already said you can't..." I started to say but Jamie stopped me.
"No you dork! I know how to get rid of it so that we won't get in trouble!" he said with his hand still outstretched.
Reluctantly I reached inside my diaper and pulled out the money.
"Ah dude! It's all wet!" Jamie complained while wiping it on his shirt.
"Sorry but I need a change still." I said and even before I finished Jamie was racing for the door.
"Wait here! If this works then I shouldn't be but a minute." Jamie said excitedly.
"Where's he going?"
"Now how am I supposed to know?" I said playfully messing up his hair.
"Ah man, don't do that!"
Sure enough Jamie was back in no time looking thoroughly pleased with himself.
"So?" I asked expecting him to tell us what he'd done with the money.
"So nothing, it's gone!" he said with no excitement at all.
Jamie laughed, so did
"I gave it to Tom." Jamie said walking over to my desk, pulling out the chair and sitting down.
"You did what?" I said forgetting to keep my voice down.
"Boys!" mom called out from somewhere else in the house, "I said no roughhousing!"
Lowering my voice I repeated, "You did what?"
"I gave it to Tom!" he said just as calmly as before.
"Hold the phone!" I said as something else occurred to me. "Tom's here?" I asked.
"No," Jamie said waving me off as if what I'd just said was the dumbest thing ever said in the history of dumb statements.
"Boy! You are about this close," I held up my fingers to indicate a tiny bit, "to getting your ever loving butt kicked if you don't start making sense!"
Jamie chuckled again. "Haven't you ever seen the black cars that follow us around all over the place?"
"Uh yeah but it wasn't there when I came back from the beach!" I said.
"Well it was there when I got here." Jamie
"Yeah me too!" he said.
"So Tom is out there right now?" I asked.
"No, he just left with the money!" Jamie said
and then looking at
I was getting upset now and so that I wouldn't lose my cool I thrust a curled finger into my mouth and bit down on it.
"What?" Jamie said with a shrug.
"Why in the hell did you give the money to Tom!" I said threw teeth buried into my finger.
"Would you relax," Jamie said, "I told him it was the stolen money from the store robbery."
I couldn't believe my ears and I was having trouble breathing.
"Geeze guys! How dumb do you think I am?" Jamie asked.
"Well if you need confirmation, I'd say
you're about as dumb as dumb can get!"
Jamie chuckled at that.
"I also told him that Runt and the guys made you hide it for them and that you were scared of getting into trouble for having it." Jamie said with a wise-guy grin, "He said he'd take care of it for us."
"He said what?" I said not yet understanding.
"Seriously, Tom's going to get rid of the money like I knew he would." Jamie said.
"Wait a sec' here!" I stood back up, "How..." I started to say but then I didn't know what to say so I didn't say anything.
"I promise that Tom's going to take care of everything and we won't have to ever worry about the money or anyone ever finding out that you had it." Jamie said.
"So how did you know Tom would do that?"
Jamie shrugged, "Cause he told me before that anytime I needed his help I just had to ask and he would do whatever needed done."
"Why'd he say that?"
"Because I took care of him when he was locked up in the Banachelli." Jamie said proudly.
Now I got it. "Ooooh! Ok now I get it! You were sneaking him food weren't you?"
Jamie just grinned.
"Well you could have told us that before you
scared the crap out of us!"
"Yeah well I took care of it didn't I?" Jamie asked feeling under appreciated.
"Ok, I got to give you props for that one!" I said, "But still you could have told us before."
A few minutes later mom poked her head into the room and asked if anyone needed changed before she ran to get some milk. All three of us raised our hands and one by one we were each taken out of our wet diapers. Jamie had stripped himself out of his wet GoodNite, and we were all then put into disposable diapers with plastic pants.
Now the three of us were really just getting
comfortable on the sofa to watch another movie when
"Man that just sucks!" Jamie said punching the cushion on the couch.
Since Lowell didn't have anything of his at our house we didn't have to worry about getting his stuff together but Lowell did have to put on some clothes and since his were still in the washer he wore some of Jamie's home.
Jamie was bummed out too when his mom showed
up about an hour after