Date: Sun, 12 Apr 2009 09:40:06 -0700 (PDT)
From: callibrn <callibrn@yahoo.com>
Subject: understanding my submission part 9

I had finished Mr Williams laundry and was waiting. Waiting for the
weekend, for when he would have me deliver it to him. As the week wore on I
thought more and more about Mr Williams and how he had made me shoot my
load with a mouthful of his piss. I didn't understand all of the reasons
for enjoying my time with Mr Williams, but it made me realize how
understanding with my submission was affecting so many different things. I
looked forward to being with men when I knew they were going to be
expecting me to be obedient. I felt comfortable with them taking control
and having tasks for me. I felt it was my role to serve their needs, and I
looked forward to men recognizing the person I was and the one I was
becoming.

When I returned to Mr Williams' place the next Saturday, he greeted me at
the door when I rang his buzzer. He was dressed in khaki shorts, but had no
shirt or socks and shoes on. He told me to place his clean clothes where
they belonged in his dresser or the closet. When I had done so, Mr Williams
came over to me and slapped me hard across the face causing my head to snap
back.

"That is to remind you that when you are here, I am in charge. I don't take
any pleasure from having to make my points like that but I do take pleasure
in seeing you understand that I will do that if needed. I am mostly gentle,
but I am always in charge," Mr Williams stated clearly. My cheek stung from
the quick blow. He only smiled at me and it caused me to drop my eyes from
his. "You need to be reminded on occasion that you are nothing and I am not
interested in your feelings or thoughts for the most part. I may ask you on
occasion for an opinion or to express a thought but on the whole your
impressions or thoughts are not important and I am not concerned about
them. Do you understand this?"

"Yes Sir, Mr Williams," I agreed with him. At that moment I did not want to
express myself at all, I thought.

"Now, suck on those fingers," he stuck his fingers in front of me, the hand
that struck me.

I took first one then his other fingers in my mouth. He had very large
hands and his fingers were long and thick, I ran my tongue around his
fingers and felt them with my lips. He pushed them into the back of my
throat causing me to gag briefly, but making me realize his fingers were
long enough to gag me without even the end of them entering my mouth.

"That's it. Make love to them," he told me. "This hand can hurt you or it
can be your friend. I will use my hands to caress you and to remind you who
is in charge." He pulled his fingers out of my mouth and slapped his hand
gently across both sides of my face, leaving my saliva on my cheeks. He
pulled my head to his bare chest and gave me a hug, I could smell him and
thought of the laundry I had done for him, the smell on him was the same
smell I had learned to associate with his laundry.

"Give me your car keys," Mr Williams demanded, holding out his hand to me.

I reached into my pocket and gave my keys to Mr Williams. He took them and
smiled. "Good boy, now lets get going. I have some things to do today."

I quickly followed Mr Williams out to my car, and showed him which one it
was. He seemed pleased and I got in the passenger side, while he got behind
the wheel and started the car. We went first to the grocery store. I pushed
the cart around while Mr Williams found what he was looking for and placed
stuff in the cart. All the while I looked around the store I was looking at
Mr William's hands, they were large. I had not noticed them the first time
I had been with him. His fingers were perfectly shaped, long, slender and
his hands were strong. I knew that from when he struck me.

When we got to the cash register, Mr Williams was greeted by the check out
guy by name. They spoke as I unloaded the cart and placed things on the
conveyor belt. When the total was rang up Mr Williams paid the man. The
cashier bagged everything up and asked Mr Williams if he needed assistance
to his car. Mr Williams thanked him looked over at me and said, "No, not
today, that's what the boy is for," laughing as he looked at me. They had
chatted the whole time but I had not been introduced nor acknowledged by
the cashier. The cashier handed me the bags without even looking at me, but
thanked Mr Williams while smiling at him.

Then we went to an electronics store and Mr Williams was looking at
computer monitors. I was just standing near him, trying not to get in his
way not knowing what to do.

"Steve, what do you know about monitors," he asked?

I was unsure at first what to say. He had called me by my first name but he
had said to only call him Sir or Mr Williams. He also had said he was not
interested in my opinions generally, but he had asked so I decided he was
serious in wanting to know.

"Uhm, well, I know a little Mr Williams," I stumbled through my answer. I
told him what I knew and which brands I had read or heard about. When I
finished he smiled and thanked me.

"See, boy, I asked you your opinion and you gave it to me properly. I will
ask on occasion, but otherwise I don't generally need to know what you are
thinking because it is not important, remember that. If I feel your opinion
has some value I will ask you for it. Now grab that box with the monitor
you told me about and let's go." Mr Williams was already heading for the
cashier when I looked, so I picked up the huge box and began carrying it to
the register. He had called me boy in the store, I wondered if others had
heard him or whether it mattered.

The cashier greeted Mr Williams, "Good afternoon, Sir, did you find
everything you were looking for, today?"

"Oh yeah, no problems," Mr Williams replied smiling. "Just gonna get this
monitor."

"Did you want the extended 3 year warranty protection with that, Sir?"

"Definitely," Mr Williams confirmed he did. He provided the cashier with
his information and the warranty was added to the charge.

When the cashier rang up the purchase it came to $320.00. Mr Williams,
looked at me. Then the cashier looked at me. I was unsure what they wanted.

"Come on, get your card out boy, you're holding up the line here. Pay the
man," Mr Williams instructed me. I had never paid for anything like this
for a guy. This was not something I was used to. I mean, I had the money,
but I had not considered paying for Mr Williams' monitor. But something
inside me compelled me to do it. I knew that I should be taking care of
this man's needs and he needed this monitor. He had instructed me to pay
for it.

"Yes, Sir," I replied simply. I saw the cashier smiling at me and I lowered
my head.  I pulled my wallet out of my back pocket and removed my cash
card. As I swiped the card through the magnetic card reader I thought of
all sorts of things. What was I doing? Why was I spending my money on a man
I hardly knew? I didn't want to be supporting a man, did I? Why did it feel
good to be doing this? I should be embarrassed, Mr Williams had called me
boy in public and I was addressing Mr Williams as Sir in public but it only
felt right and good. I knew deeply that he was dominant over me and it was
only right that others knew I was subservient to him as he and I both knew
now.

My card was accepted and the transaction was completed. The cashier thanked
Mr Williams and gave him the receipt, but pushed the large box over to me
to carry. It seemed as if everyone knew I was there to do what Mr Williams
needed. It was as if everyone already knew my place in the world as
subservient and I was just seeing it for the first time, in this way. No
one in either store had acted weird about stuff. They knew Mr Williams was
in charge or knew by the time we were done that he was, and it was as if
nothing was surprising them, but to me it was eye-opening. I was seeing
it. I was accepting it. I had always been submissive but never saw it like
they saw it. It was a very humbling experience and I was amazed. Amazed it
had taken me so long to see these things. Amazed by how good it felt to
know a man like Mr Williams could be in control and make me see it and feel
it so clearly. Mr Ericsson had told me this too, but I was seeing and
experiencing it now.

Mr Williams got to the car and pushed the automatic locks. He went right to
the driver's seat and I opened the back of the vehicle and set the monitor
inside before closing the door then joining Mr Williams in the front
seat. I asked him if it were better for me to sit in the back seat but he
indicated that no, the front seat was fine.

"You already know your place, Steve, I don't need to reinforce that with
you as I might some other boy. You sit up front because I allow it, simply
asking whether it is okay for you to be here indicates you know your
place. You are doing very well today, and I am pleased so far." Mr
Williams, continued, "Now let's go, we have some other stops to make."

When we got to the next store, Mr Williams parked the car but did not get
out immediately. He reached into his back pocket and pulled his wallet
out. He opened it up and gave me three $100 bills. I looked at him and he
smiled back.

"Here is your money boy. You did well not to question me or to say no when
you were in the last store, even better after we got in the car. I don't
need or want your money boy, but I want you to understand that it is mine
if I do want it. When you are with me, you belong to me, and that means
everything boy. Your money, your body, your mind, whatever you have to
give, and whatever I decide to take and use. It all belongs to me. You are
a submissive, boy, and you know it and I appreciate it. I will continue to
make use of you for as long as I want to."

I didn't know what to say. I had nothing to add to Mr Williams talk that he
had just finished. I had no idea that he was testing me. I guessed that I
was still as na•ve as I always had been. I didn't understand men or how
their minds worked. Even after everything I had been through and all that
Mr Ericsson had taught me, it all came down to me being submissive, and me
not realizing everything that it meant yet.

When we got to Mr Williams home, I gathered the monitor up and followed Mr
Williams inside. Then I went back to the car two more times bringing the
other things he had bought that morning, while Mr Williams made himself
some coffee. When I finished putting them away, Mr. Williams told me to go
get cleaned out.

When I returned from showering I was excited. I wanted Mr. Williams to fuck
me, and to enjoy himself. He didn't waste anytime either. He told me he
wanted me on my knees. When I got down on the floor and looked at up at
him, I felt I was where I was supposed to be. A calm came over me, I felt
safe there.

"You have been wanting this since last week haven't you?" he asked me.

"Yes, Sir, Mr. Williams," I replied.

He unzipped his baggy trousers and hauled out his dick. It was semi hard
already and I could see Mr. Williams smiling down at me. He held my head
with one hand and then he began slapping my face hard with his dick. He
smacked me several times on each side of my face. It was not gentle.

"Gonna be mine today. You're gonna get this and you are gonna hate
it. You'll want me to stop but if you even think of begging me to stop, I
won't. If you think I care if it hurts you, you are wrong," Mr. Williams
stated. "It's big, and it will hurt, but I want to get off, and in order to
get off, I am gonna fit it all inside you, and I am gonna fuck you until I
am through. You understand that?"

He was beginning to scare me. I didn't want it to hurt. I wanted to please
him but I didn't want to get hurt. He smacked his dick across my face again
to make his point.

"Answer me, bitch! Tell me you understand."

"Yes, Sir," I said, if only to get him to stop smacking my face.

"Open up, and suck it. Get it wet."

I opened my mouth wide and Mr. Williams inserted his cock in my mouth. He
hardened as I worked on him. His cock was very hard and very big. He had
told me it was 9.5 inches, and I believed it without question. It didn't
bend, but stood straight out from his body. I tried to swallow it but
couldn't fit it down my throat.

"You think you can deep throat this?" Mr. Williams asked. "Don't even
try. You really don't want me cramming this in that hole, believe me," he
added.

I shook my head as best I could as I continued to suck on his head and get
his cock wet. I took hold of his big balls and began licking the length of
his cock. I wasn't sure how my other hole would take this cock either, but
he had already said, it wasn't going to be a choice so I wanted it slick at
least. When Mr. Williams felt I had done enough sucking on him, he pulled
it out of my mouth. His cock looked huge in front of my face and was
dripping from my work.

Mr. Williams ordered me to lay flat on the floor. He stripped his clothes
off and lay on top of me his cock already poking at my hole, trying to get
inside. He had his hands on my shoulders holding me down and he found my
entrance and began pushing. He never slowed in his thrust once he found the
opening. My hole stretched wide and then kept stretching, as his cock began
entering my hole. He felt like he was all the way in but when I reached
around to feel his cock in me, it was only half there.  He pulled back at
that point and began thrusting.

"You ARE going to open up for me, boy. You are GONNA take all of this, and
until you do I'm not stopping. So just keep that in mind," Mr. Williams
declared.

I was in agony. I had never taken anything like this dick before. I was
trying to be quiet, not to cry out as he kept thrusting deeper, but
eventually I gave in to the need and I moaned out, "oh, god, you're bigÉ"

"Yeah. Too bad it hurts. You need to get used to it. If you are going to be
mine you need to get used to how it is going to feel pounding you,"
Mr. Williams emphasized his point by shoving deeper.

I didn't really think I was going to be able to take his cock. It only
seemed to get bigger, the more he shoved into me. He honestly didn't seem
to care whether he was hurting me or not, he was going to get his pleasure
out of my hole, one way or the other. He would pull all the way back then
grind it in as far as he could, me moaning or crying out each time he did
it.

"Please, it hurts, please go slower," I was starting to beg him. "Ow, oh
god."

"Shut up. I told you it would hurt. What good is it if it doesn't hurt you?
How else are you going to learn to take it?" Mr. Williams explained.

"oh, oh, shit. It hurts," I was still whimpering. Mr. Williams ground his
cock deeper. He reached his arm around my neck and pulled me back towards
him. He had me bent back and he leaned in to speak into my ear. His arm was
wrapped around my neck not choking me but holding me tight, letting me feel
the control he was taking.

"You are gonna take it all. I don't want to hear it any more, you
understand me? No more whining. Go ahead and cry, if you want to, show me
what a little bitch you are," Mr. Williams taunted.

I didn't want to cry, I really didn't, but it was so big and he was
pounding so hard. Or maybe it was because he had given me permission, I
don't know, but I started crying. I was sobbing as he finally got the last
of his 9 and a half inches in me. I could feel his balls slap against my
ass. If I had wanted to get hard I don't think I could have, it hurt too
much being split open by his enormous cock and taking it deep where nothing
else had ever gotten to before him.  He released my neck and I fell back on
the carpet of his bedroom. He lay down on top of me and rested momentarily
grinding the full length of it inside me.

"Said you were going to take it all. Now I'm ready to fuck."

I wasn't sure what we had been doing up until now, but I seriously wondered
what he meant. Mr. Williams pulled up but held my shoulders in place. He
began pulling all the way out and shoving all the way in. I tried to crawl
away, but he held me in place or drew me back to his cock if I got too far
away; too far for his cock to drive balls deep inside me. I could feel my
hole empty, each time he pulled out, and then the stretch as he shoved back
inside.

Fuck!, that is nice now, bitch, " Mr. Williams seemed pleased with
himself. "You are wide open and I am fucking you good. Gonna fuck you till
I'm good and ready to be done."

I don't know how long his pounding continued. I struggled for awhile to try
to make it more comfortable, but everytime I would get to where I thought
his pounding would stop hurting he would force himself in deep and I could
feel his cock stretching my pussy out in new ways.

"This is not about you," he told me. "I could care less if this you or some
other bitch. Fucking is about me, getting me off and getting it the way I
like it. I'm going deep and you have to take it, whether you like it or
not."

I tried to focus on what Mr. Williams was saying. He was right and I knew
it. It was about him, not about me. His cock was what mattered right
now. He was showing me what it meant to serve his needs. I really enjoyed
doing his laundry, cleaning his place, and having him show me what a man
expects for service having a boy around, so I tried to think about this as
he was pummeling my hole with his cock. I knew this was part of what I
needed to learn. It just turned out that the other stuff was easy with
Mr. Williams and this part was harder. REALLY hard, thick, and long, I
thought to myself. As I thought more, I knew I needed this. I needed to
take it from him. I stopped struggling. I let him fuck, then after a bit I
started pushing back, when his cock started its thrust into me. I wanted to
feel it all. I wanted it in me all the way, even if it was uncomfortable,
because it was Mr. Williams' cock and this was about him feeling good, and
him getting off. It wasn't about me at all.

"That's it, boy," Mr. Williams seemed pleased. "Take it, give me that
hole. You need to learn." It still hurt some on his really deep thrusts,
but it also felt good hearing him tell me he was enjoying it.

"ugh, Yes, Sir, ugh." I could manage no more words. It hurt, but felt
right. I guess Mr. Williams was happy because shortly after that, he
came. He never stopped pumping. Just unloaded deep, grinding his cock up so
far I cried out again, but I could feel his dick pulsing, and I knew he was
relieving his need inside me. Mr. Williams collapsed on top of me and began
licking my ear.

"Bitch will learn to take it like that all the time. Don't fight it. You
need it and I have it. Now stay here, someone's at my door."

I had not heard anyone at the door but I couldn't have gotten up
anyway. Mr. Williams slid his cock out of me, threw on his jeans and went
out of the room. I could feel some of his load slipping out of my hole, he
had left it so split open I wasn't sure it would ever close up again, but
it didn't matter. He had used my hole and found it what he wanted.

Mr. Williams returned. I began to turn around to look at him but
Mr. Williams stopped me.

"No, boy. You stay just like you are, face down. I don't need to see your
face and neither does my friend," Mr. Williams was very clear in his
directions. "Your ass is broke in for the day and now it can be used by
some other men."

I was scared again, but I knew it wasn't about me. It was about
Mr. Williams. I started breathing deep to catch myself. Someone came up
behind me and lay on top of me. Their cock slid in easily. I could see from
his hands and arms that he placed on either side of me that he was a
redhead. Big hairy arms, muscular, with that blond-red hair covering
them. Then I felt his hairy chest as he lay against me, grinding himself
into me. His cock was nowhere the size of Mr. Williams. I didn't know how
big it was because I had not seen it, but it didn't matter. He was going to
fuck, and I was going to take it.

"Sloppy used cunt," he stated matter of factly. "You're a regular whore
now, if Stan is through with you. Piece of trash, you are," he said in what
I took to be a British accent. I guessed when he said Stan he meant
Mr. Williams. I had never heard anyone call Mr. Williams by his first name
and it sounded strange to my ears.

"Use him as much as you want Ewan," Mr. Williams added. "I'm through for
the moment, but there will be someone else stopping by in awhile." I'm
gonna be working on some stuff at the computer. If he tries anything stupid
let me know."

"Right, mate. I'm just gonna get off here and move along," he spoke to
Mr. Williams as if I wasn't there.  I guessed I wasn't really
there. Mr. Williams had given me plenty to think about when he fucked me. I
was only there for his amusement and pleasure, it was about him.

There were two other men that fucked me that afternoon after the red head
left. Mr. Williams finished the day by leaving another load in me. By the
time he came back to me, my hole was filled with several loads from men I
had never even seen. None of them said I could turn around, so I didn't
even look. Mr. Williams slid into me and I moaned. I was worn out but it
was his cock that mattered, not my hole, not my body. He put his arm around
my neck again, and pulled me back towards him. He wasn't as rough this
time, or if he was I no longer could tell. I was fucked into a state where
I just let him do what he wanted.

"You get it now, don't you? You understand better now what service means.
That is good," Mr. Williams told me. "You'll remember this and learn from
it."