A Day Without Rain

Dream Dust

Another story by Miro Miro

 

 

Please Do NOT read this story if it offends you, I based this story on experiences that I personally had but have not yet shared, I have also shared certain things that a friend of mine experienced during his coming out, I hope you all enjoy it BTW, don't forget to donate to Nifty, they do an amazing job and should be supported!

When I was really little my mom and dad used to come into my room to say their good nights and usually ended up sleeping with me, or more correctly, I slept with them. I had a very hard time sleeping by myself, I don't know why but I felt really lonely and I worried that if I fell asleep they wouldn't be there when I woke up. They tried their hardest to get me to sleep by myself but it just didn't work, not until my dad came up with a very good solution.

I think I was like 5 years old when dad came up with the solution, I distinctly remember crying and begging them not to leave me in my room. They had tried all sorts of night lights but that wasn't enough, I had (still do) a stuffed penguin that helped a little but it wasn't the same as sleeping with my parents. That entire day my dad had spent in my room remodeling and changing things around, he told me that I wasn't allowed to peek. I tried to sneak in while he was working but he would catch me before I was able to peek. I was really excited because I didn't know what he was up to. I knew something good was happening but I just didn't know what.

When the time came my mom blind folded me and carried me back up to my room, she opened the door and had me stand right in the middle of the room. I couldn't see anything because I was blind folded but I felt absolutely safe because I felt both of my parents holding my hands. One of them removed my blind folds and I was just shocked by what I saw.

My room looked as if I was in space, my dad had rearranged things around, painted my walls, he had stickers of stars on the ceiling with planets hanging down. He had also bought me a black light that he had turned on. It looked so awesome I started to cry, at first they freaked out because they thought I was afraid but I quickly told them that I loved it.

That night, like all other nights, they came in and put me to bed like always. They told me a really neat story about a little warrior who fought tirelessly in space hunting for dream dust. They told me that this little warrior fought against aliens and other creatures so that he could bring dream dust back to earth and give it to kids who couldn't sleep. I asked them if they had any around and that is when they both stuck their hands in their pockets and blew something up in the air. They had cut up some colorful paper into confetti, they must have taken forever to cut it that finely because they were so small and with the black light there was an explosion of color.

I will never be able to describe the feeling I had when it occurred, it not only made me feel special but it worked, I started to feel my eyelids droop and before I knew it I was asleep. They had to do that a few more times before I was comfortable enough to sleep on my own. It's funny how stress causes a person to revert back to their childhood eh?

Ever since I came out to Ashley I haven't been able to sleep, I've been sneaking into my parents room again at night because I feel so alone at night. Just a few nights ago I felt my eyes sting and knew I was going to cry, sure enough not long after that a torrent of tears came out. I began to sob uncontrollably, I couldn't even explain why I was feeling that sad but it was so painful, I couldn't stop crying. Mom must have heard me because she came rushing in and asked me a bunch of questions, I tried to answer her but I was so distraught that she couldn't get two words out of me. My dad had to actually carry me down to their room so I could sleep with them. I felt so safe, so warm, so loved while I was between them. Unfortunately that's been my story this past week, every time I try to sleep I panic and start to cry, mom even scheduled an appointment for me to see a psych.

Today was my first meeting with him, he was really nice and easy to talk to. I heard really stupid things about psychs but he didn't seem to be all that bad. Raven doesn't even know that I've been having issues, in fact he's been trying to come over all week but I just can't hang out with anyone right now. I just feel like crying all the time, I feel scared, I dunno really I just feel as if I'm going crazy. The doc tried to get me to open up about my family life but there wasn't much to it, I told him that I have a good relationship with my parents and that the issue is not with them, I was kinda getting annoyed because he kept asking me questions about them and I felt as if he was judging them, as if he thought they weren't loving enough.

I sorta exploded on him and told him to fuck off about mom and dad, I guess that freaked him out because he recommended me to take some meds, mom and dad have to really think about it, at least that's what they said. They look at me different now, I felt as if they were judging me when the doc told them I had exploded and how he recommends I get put on meds. The whole prospect of taking psych meds worries me and causes my anxiety to shoot up even more, like I really need that.

I wish I could say that I know why I feel this way but I don't. I know that I am worried about coming out to my friends but it's deeper than just that. I've been feeling weird for a while now, even before I met Raven. I felt like I was under a lot of pressure, I felt like I needed to be someone that I wasn't. People always expects me to be the best, to do everything right and not fail but I can't be what they want me to be, I am not perfect. I hate to see my coach's face when I don't do well during practice or especially after a game. I can't stand talking to my friends after a game that I haven't done so well in, they seem as if they are mad or hurt that I wasn't like the MVP.

Whenever I get a B in school my teachers act as if it's the end of the world they say shit like "You're better than that" or "You could do better", well fuck! What if that's all I can do? What if I'm a B student? They expect way too much out of me and sometimes it gets to be too much. I hate it when people degrade others in front of me, I hate the fact that I am not brave enough to step in and punch them on the throat or something. I worry so much about having friends and being popular and I really don't know why.

I feel loved at home and around Raven but damn sometimes I just want to take a break, sometimes I just want to go away for a long time and take a break from life, I want to just disappear and be free again. Sometimes I think about breaking up with Raven, he doesn't deserve to deal with all of my shit, he doesn't deserve to be ignored as much as I have been ignoring him.

Take today for example, after I came home from the doc I really didn't feel like doing anything. Mom and dad took me to Chili's to eat, I ordered a Country Fried steak with a coke but I only choked down a bite and couldn't eat anymore. I wasn't hungry, I felt full, I've been feeling full all week long and I haven't really eaten anything but anyways they sorta got mad at me and dad kinda yelled at me. He asked me why I ordered something if I wasn't going to eat it. I don't know why but I yelled at him back, it was the first time in my life that I've spoken to him the way I did and to be honest I am glad I don't remember exactly what I said.

I feel awful about it and I know I hurt his feelings, even the waitress came to me and told me to respect my parents, I guess she thought that I was used of yelling at my mom and dad that way but I was mortified just as much as they were. Anyways, when I came home I wanted to sleep but waiting outside was Raven. I had been ignoring him all week long like I said and he probably had enough of the silent treatment.

When he saw us pull in the drive way he ran to greet me but I just walked past him not saying a word, I was angry that he was there, I was angry at my dad, hell I was angry at the whole world at that moment. I think he spoke to mom and dad because he came straight for me, he pulled me up to my room and had me sit on my bed. He started talking but I spaced out, not intentionally, I was just tired, I was so tired I started to nod off while he was talking. He poked me a few times to get my attention again but I just kept nodding off. He leaned down and kissed me tenderly on the lips but I just sat there with my eyes open waiting for him to finish, I really wasn't into that sorta thing at that moment.

"You done?" I mumbled while he kissed me.

He pulled back looking hurt, I didn't know what to say or do but I sure as hell made things worse when I spat on the floor after he kissed me. I was able to see that his eyes were beginning to get watery but I didn't feel bad, I felt empty, I didn't feel like I was hurting his feelings to be quite honest with you.

"Do I gross you out now?" he asked, his voice was now quivering as if he was ready to cry at any minute.

"No..." I replied not knowing what else to say.

"I love you..." he said as he looked deep into my eyes.

"Love you too" I replied wearily, I really wasn't in the mood to be talking about love crap and he sensed it. He didn't say anything else he just reached for me and hugged me tightly, I felt him squeeze but I didn't respond back, I just let my arms hang as he hugged me. He didn't let me go for a while and when he did he gave me a quick kiss on the lips and smiled at me.

"Come on" He said as he lead me to my bed.

I let him lead the way, I felt like a walker (Walking Dead reference w0ot) just absentmindedly walking towards my bed. He had me sit at the edge of it while he took my shoes and socks off. He then had me lay back as he lovingly took my pants off, then he had me lift my arms up so he could take my shirt off. He didn't perv out on me or anything which I really appreciated, he just lifted my legs up off the floor and straightened them out so I could lay under my covers. He gave me another kiss and laid next to me fully clothed. I turned to my side facing away from him and felt him spoon me, it felt nice and finally got me to relax enough to get some sleep.

I had a very strange dream, it was strange because it seemed so real to me. I dreamt that I was walking around a town I didn't recognize, I was walking around when I met a young kid, he was younger than I was, he looked to be about 9 or 10 years old. The weird part about the whole thing was that I knew him, or at least it felt as if I did. When we saw each other we hugged, laughed, and kissed, not in a bad way just a kiss. Things between us felt special, as if he was a brother but much more, I don't know what my dad feels for me, I know he loves me but the love I had for the boy was so intense that I could somewhat imagine what my dad feels for me. So as we walked around town we spoke about random things, nothing special, just things but then it started to rain. It kept raining, and raining nonstop. He got worried about it so I decided to walk him back home, I didn't know where he lived exactly but I just kept walking.

I wanted to take a short cut so I took a left on this little clearing by a field. I didn't think too much of it but he was nervous about walking there. We walked deeper into the woods until we reached this creek that had turned into a rushing river. I don't know why but we walked right on its bank, before I knew it he had slipped and fell right into the water. I panicked and began to scream out his name, I tried to grab him but I failed miserably, I saw him go under and never come back up. I woke up yelling out and crying as if someone very close to me died. My dad was the first one to reach me, he picked me up in his arms and cradled me.

He tried to calm me down but I couldn't, I couldn't speak I was paralyzed with grief, the dream was so real to me, my heart felt as if it had been ripped apart. I screamed something about Raven freaking mom out, she rushed to the phone thinking something was wrong with him and called. I don't remember this part because I was so distraught, mom told me later that she called Raven's house and woke them up. She asked if he was okay, they told her that he was asleep in his room but she insisted that they should check up on him. After a minute or two Raven's mom came back on the phone and told her everything was okay. Mom told her everything that happened, Raven's mom was so nice, she decided to wake him up and bring him over.

By the time he came over I was calm but still weeping. When he saw me he launched himself at me and we hugged very tightly. He cradled me in his arms like dad had and I was finally able to get to sleep. I woke up later that day feeling very depressed, it felt as if the world, my world, was ending and I couldn't explain why I was feeling that way. Mom and dad decided to take me back to the psych who gave me some valium to calm me down. He told my parents that I seemed as if I was having a mental breakdown of sorts. He wanted to send me to some hospital to spend the night because he was worried I would hurt myself and to be honest the thought crossed my mind but I don't think I would ever do anything that dramatic.

I slept the rest of that day, the valium really calmed me down, actually it put me straight to sleep. When I woke up I saw that Raven was watching TV sitting next to me. I was in the living room couch under the blanket I used when I was little and stayed home from school sick.

"Hi" I said startling Raven, my voice was hoarse and I sounded weak.

"Hey! You're up!" He replied, he looked like shit.

"You've been up all this time?" I asked him now worried that I was stressing him out.

"Yeah kinda, I've slept a bit" He replied as he took a swig from his energy drink.

"Come here" I said as I reached for his arm and pulled him into me.

I lifted my blanket up, spread my legs and had him lay on top of me. I wanted to feel his warmth, his love. "Take your clothes off" I said.

He looked at me for a second and then began to take his shirt and pants off. My body shivered when his warm flesh touched mine, I felt his soft package rest on top of mine sending another jolt of electricity throughout my body.

"I love you" I said as I began to kiss him all over his face.

"I love you too" He giggled as I continued to kiss him all over.

I stuck my hands in his boxers and rubbed his butt, it was so soft and warm, I felt his dick engorge with blood and poke me on my balls. I smiled at him knowing that he was horny and I felt horrible for not being able to help out and even thought I was so totally not in the mood for this kind of action I decided that he needed to relax, he needed to feel loved.

"Can you get up for a sec?" I asked.

He got up on his knees as I took my boxers off and tossed them on the floor, he smiled at me but looked confused. "I just want to feel you" I said as I reached for his boxers to remove them. He immediately got the hint and took his off as well tossing them on top of mine.

I spread my legs again and as he was laying on top of me I took a hold of his cock and lined it up against my opening. I had my right leg up on top of the back rest while I had my left knee bent giving him easier access.

"No...not right now" He protested but I pouted.

"Please?" I begged.

He shook his head and chuckled "Be right back" he said as he picked up his boxers again and put them on. I covered myself up with my blanket and closed my eyes. A few minutes later I heard him coming so I opened my eyes, in his hands he had our bottle of lube that I had bought about a month ago. I moved the blanket some so he could get under it and watched my Raven as he took his boxers off again. He was already hard as a rock, the poor guy was probably full of cum since we hadn't done anything in a while.

Before he laid on top of me he lubed his dick up and wiped the left over lube on his butthole and then reached for my dick and rubbed some on it. He then got on top of me as I grabbed for his cock to guide it into me. I felt as the head poked my opening, I felt some pressure as he began to slowly push himself into me sending electrical pulses all over my body.

I let out a soft moan as he began to push deeper, my hole was giving him some resistance but I fought hard to relax. It was hurting me some helping me forget all of my anguish.

"You okay?" He asked me when he saw how uncomfortable I was.

"Yeah" I reassured him "Just go slow".

He started to push harder and finally my butthole started to let him in, I gritted my teeth as his head finally popped inside of me making me moan again. He stopped for a second to let me get used of having his cock inside of me again which I was thankful for. After he saw that I was relaxed enough he continued to push himself inside, deeper and deeper he went as my ass relaxed letting him in.

Raven made love to me for a while, he took his time and was very loving and gentle, I looked deep in his eyes and saw the love he had for me. I wanted to feel like I had in the past but it wasn't happening, the physical pleasure I was receiving from him was intense but there was no emotion there, not from me anyways. I was hurting and couldn't really enjoy what he was doing, the love he was showing me.

After he came inside of me he laid on top of me for a while longer and held on to me tightly. I felt good for giving some pleasure but I felt empty inside, I felt alone even though I was with my boyfriend. The world seemed dull, it seemed bleak, I just wasn't enjoying the time I was having with Raven and it worried me. It worried me because I didn't want to hurt him or my family, I couldn't help but to feel the way I was feeling and it made things worse for me.

After a while he got off of me and we got dressed, I fell asleep soon after that and woke some hours afterwards. Mom and dad were now talking to Raven, I couldn't make out what they were saying but it sounded that it was about me. They all had worried looks on their faces so I knew it wasn't good. I don't know why but I started to remember the boy in the my dreams. I saw the fear in his eyes as he was being swept away by the current, I heard his pleads for help and I began to feel as helpless as I felt in my dream. I didn't realize that I was crying now, I was crying and mourning the loss of someone I didn't even know, someone that didn't even exist but his loss was really hurting me, it felt real to me, in fact it was real to me.

I must have been sobbing loud enough for mom and dad to hear me because they rushed over to me and cradled me in their arms. They let me sob in their arms while Raven watched, deep sadness was written all over his face making me feel even worse. I couldn't comprehend why I was feeling this torn up, why I was feeling this sad. Mom began to sing to me as she rocked me back and forth, I felt warm inside and was finally able to calm down. She asked me if I was okay but I just closed my eyes and nestled my head on her chest.

My mind began to torture me, I began to think about the next school year and how difficult it was going to be when people found out that I was gay and had a boyfriend. My anxiety got the best of me and I started to get nauseous. Mom noticed that I was going on full panic and began to tell me everything would be okay but I wasn't so sure about that.

I wish I could say that things were going easy for me but my life has gotten more complicated, as I write this I wonder how long I will feel this way but my pain is too much, I don't want to disappoint my family or friends anymore, I don't want to piss my coaches off anymore but I just can't seem to do things right. I don't want to hurt Raven but I just can't give him what he deserves right now. I feel like the world is choking me, I feel like I have to be someone that I can't be, I am not perfect, I am far from being perfect but that's what they all expect from me.

Chapter 8 Coming Soon!