Disclaimer: This is a work of fiction, nothing or nobody in this story is related to real life.
I'm going in my bedroom after having taken a shower. I find some clothes to wear, and hit the power button of my computer. I want to check my emails and messenger, maybe have a chat with someone.
I'm Adrian by the way, and I guess I'm an average 13 year old boy. I have a normal build, not too skinny, and definitely not muscular. I have light brown, slightly wavy hair, and I try to grow them shoulder length, despite my mother's disagreements. They're quite long now, they almost cover my ears. My eyes are...well I don't really know what color they are. Some say they're blue, others say they're green or hazel. I jokingly claim that it depends on the weather!
"Adrian, will you please come downstairs, finally?"
"Coming, mom..."
"We have to run, we'll be late!"
"OK, be right there."
I guess I won't have time to check my MSN after all. Oh well...
Every month or so, we drive to the other side of town to visit my uncle and his family for dinner. That's the case today. I really hate those family dinners. All I get to do is watch TV with my cousin, she's 7 and I really can't play anything with her. At least the sooner we get there, the sooner we'll leave, hopefully.
I get ready and mindlessly jump in the car. I know the route by heart, so nothing fascinating here either. Time seems to slow down around me. My mother and father are chatting about random subjects on the way, I couldn't care less. As we drive by a park, I notice some boys about my age playing soccer. They seem to be having fun, they look careless, cute... Cute? Whatever am I thinking? I quickly turn around and try not to think about it.
My thoughts however continue to haunt me. Why did I find the boys at the park cute? Why do I seem to notice any boy around me more and more? What's wrong with me? This has been going on for some months now, I really don't know what to think of it.
We reached my uncle's house and I tried to pull myself together, and not look troubled. As we enter the house, I see that we are not the only guests. Apparently, my uncle has invited his neighbors too. I have had dinner with them every once in a while. They have a son, he's my age, 13. That might be a pleasant change.
Turns out that it is. After dinner, we get to hang out in the basement, which has been converted into a playroom/entertainment room.
"So, how are you doing Dan?" I ask
"Everything OK, Adrian. How about you?"
"Great. Quite happy you are here, I was prepared for yet another SpongeBob marathon..."
I like Dan's company. We always have a great time.
"Why, don't you enjoy SpongeBob?" he asks
"Nah, it's for kids"
"So you're all grown up now, huh?"
"Well, no, but..." I hesitate
"I'm messing with you. Don't worry!" he tells me playfully
"I'm cool..."
"For your information, I'm a proud SpongeBob fan!"
"Really? I think he's silly."
"Not silly enough for me! Anyway, enough of that. How's school?"
"Nothing exciting... 8th grade's just another middle school year for me."
"Any girls you like?"
"NO!" I quickly blurt out
Why did I say that? What will Dan think? That I don't like girls? But I do. Don't I? Then why can't I think of any? I feel my cheeks burning as I am starting to blush.
"No?"
I don't know what to answer. It's true. There isn't any girl I like. Can't think of any girl I could even call cute. And that's because I am always too occupied thinking about how cute boys around me are. I look downwards, trying to hold back my tears. I like boys, and now Dan knows.
"Sorry, didn't mean to embarrass you. I don't like girls either." he kindly tells me
He doesn't? What does he mean by that? Is he just saying that to make me feel better? After a moment I gather the courage to look back up. All I see is Dan smiling at me. I feel my tears running down my cheeks.
"Hey, don't worry, it's OK." he tries to reassure me
I keep staring at him, not being able to say a word. He has a gorgeous smile. And his eyes, his beautiful brown eyes seem to be smiling at me too. I have never noticed how peaceful they look, how charming they are.
"Thanks" I finally say
He reaches over and wipes my tears with his hands. His touch has a relaxing effect on me. I can only smile back.
"See? Everything is fine."
There is a moment of silence.
"How did you know?" I ask
"Well it was quite obvious. I asked you if you liked any girls, you barked no and started crying!" he sais sarcastically
"No, I mean how did you find out you don't like girls?"
"Well, I always seem to think that some boys look hot, unlike girls. So I figured out I must be gay."
Gay. Haven't thought about it that way. Thinking some boys are cute is one thing, but being gay... I don't know. The word "gay" is used as an insult by many people, including some of my friends. What if they find out I am that way? Am I that way? I look down again, lost in my thoughts.
He must understand how I feel, so he tries to change the subject by asking me to play cards. I say yes, and the rest of the night is spent like that, with minimal talking involved. As much as I try not to think about it though, I keep being worried about me being gay or not. I'll keep it to myself though, it was embarrassing enough so far.
After a while, it was time for us to leave. I said goodnight to everyone, thanked Dan for the nice time, and took off. As we drive by the same park again, I stare at the spot where the boys were playing soccer. Nobody's there though, it's too late.
Days passed by, and I seem to have put my issue in the back of my head. It's better that way, I am less distracted, less worried, and hopefully I don't raise any suspicion. And most of the time, it works well.
When it crosses my mind, however, it gets my full attention, and I almost lose contact with the world, whether I'm alone in my room, or in the middle of a conversation at school. This occurs mostly when I notice a cute boy around. I ask myself the same questions over and over again, but I have no luck in finding an answer.
Well, that was it, the first chapter of my first story! Hope you liked it so far. I know it has nothing to show so far, and I am not going to lie to you claiming that there is something fascinating coming up. To be honest I really don't know what this story will lead to, I even don't know what will happen in the second chapter...yet! My intentions for now were to introduce Adrian, and to share his thoughts with you, which I hope I have succeeded in.
Your comments will be very helpful, as I don't know what to think of my writing. Please forgive any syntax errors, English is not my native language. As a matter of fact I am from Greece.
A few points about the story. First of all about the date. I don't want to specify a year this occurs in, however, this chapter occurs in late September (even though I don't mention so in the story). I also don't want to specify a location, maybe in later chapters I'll have to.
I gave Adrian my name, in order to be able to relate with him better and write as him easier. What happens to him is not related with my life. Except perhaps from the story's title. Adrian will be exploring his sexuality, while I'll be exploring writing...
Your emails will be much appreciated, email me at adrian.p42@gmail.com