Disclaimer: This is a work of fiction, nothing or nobody in this story is related to real life.
This is the second chapter of my story. I want to thank everyone who sent an email for their support. Enjoy
Days passed by, and I seem to have put my issue in the back of my head. It's better that way, I am less distracted, less worried, and hopefully I don't raise any suspicion. And most of the time, it works well.
When it crosses my mind, however, it gets my full attention, and I almost lose contact with the world, whether I'm alone in my room, or in the middle of a conversation at school. This occurs mostly when I notice a cute boy around. I ask myself the same questions over and over again, but I have no luck in finding an answer.
It's Thursday afternoon, and I'm walking home from school. I'm with Tyler, he's my best friend from school, and we are basically inseparable. Almost all our classes are the same, and he only lives 2 blocks away. He's 14 since the 17th of September; he has black hair, which he keeps short, and light brown eyes. He is an inch or two taller than me, standing at 5 ft 4. He has a normal build, perhaps a bit more worked out than myself, since he is in the basketball team.
We are walking silently, lacking any conversation subject. That happens quite often, and neither of us has any problem with it. On the contrary, I enjoy just having someone by my side, and as Tyler told me before, so does he.
"Are you OK?" he asks out of nowhere, breaking the silence
"Yeah, I am." I answer. I wonder why he asked me this...
"Oh, OK then."
That was strange. I won't say anything though. After all I am not OK these days. And I really don't feel like talking about it with Tyler. He is my best friend and all, but I can't find the courage to even talk about it with myself, I really can't imagine discussing my issue with him. Anything could go wrong.
But still... He sees something. He doesn't usually just ask me if I'm OK. Maybe my state of mind is obvious after all.
"Are you sure?" he asks again after some time. "Something seems to be bothering you lately."
"Don't want to talk about it" is all I say
"Hey, I think you should, you'll feel better if you do."
"I don't know"
He sounds assuring enough, but I don't think I can just tell him what's this all about.
"Tell you what. Come over by my place to hang out for a bit, you can stay for dinner too. Maybe you'll feel like telling me later."
"I'll come over, but I don't think I'll want to talk about it."
"Cool, no problem."
Minutes later we arrive at Tyler's home. We enter through the kitchen door. His mother is in the kitchen, chopping some vegetables, most likely for a salad.
"Hello Adrian, nice to see you! How are you?" she asks
"Hi Mrs. Joanne, I'm fine, thanks."
"Tyler, is Adrian staying for dinner."
"I think so. Are you, Adrian?"
"Well, I'll have to call my mom, but there won't be any problem" I declare
Sure enough, my mother easily gives me permission. After all, she and Mrs. Joanne are friends too, which can really come in handy in situations such as this one.
We head to Tyler's room. I immediately noticed a big box in the middle of the room. I inspect it curiously.
"Hey, what's that?"
"New PC" he simply sais
"NEW PC! Whoa! Why didn't you tell me?"
"Well, it arrived today and I wanted to surprise you. And guess what."
Enough said. I almost tore the box apart, only to find more, smaller packages inside. I can't hide my enthusiasm. Computers are really my passion. Though I wouldn't describe myself as geek, it's not the case when it comes to PCs, and especially hardware. Sadly Tyler isn't as passionate as me on the subject.
We get to work. After an hour or so of connecting parts and plugging cables, the tower is ready. I plug it in, and voila, it comes to life. So far so good. After another hour, everything is set. Windows are working smoothly, all the important programs are installed, and the internet is set up. I feel really proud for us.
"Good job! We nailed that one!" I cheer
"Thanks a lot. I couldn't have done it without you...Owe you one."
"Don't mention it, you know I loved setting it up"
"Yeah, that's why it came in parts."
Strangely enough, I feel moved by his last statement. He actually ordered a PC in parts, just because I like assembling it. That's really kind of him.
"Thank you." I tell him while looking him in the eyes
"Well finally, we can play online!"
His previous PC was too old. He couldn't run any decent games on it. I guess it was about time it was replaced.
"I think I know how I can pay back for your help." He tells me happily
"And how is that?" I sense he has something mischievous in mind
"I'll help you get through with whatever is bothering you. You'll have to tell me about it though."
I didn't see that coming. I'm starting to get nervous, and I feel the blood burning in my face. I am scared of what might happen next. I still don't feel like talking about it. He is really caring though, and his advice had helped me before.
"I...I...don't..." I speak without knowing what to say
"I've never seen you like that. You're always calm and cool, no matter what. I'm really worried."
I don't know what to do. Part of me wants to run away. Part of me wants to tell Tyler what's wrong. Part of me wants to hug him, feel him against me. Why am I thinking that again? And why on earth am I thinking about hugging Tyler? I've never had such thoughts about him. He was always my best friend, nothing more, nothing less. And here I am thinking about how gorgeous he looks.
Why? Why is this happening to me? I look down and try to control myself, but miserably fail. I start tearing up, which quickly turns into crying and panting. I fall face down on the bed, and cry on the pillow.
I feel a hand caressing my back. I am stunned. I stop crying and turn around. Sure enough, it's Tyler. My now red eyes meet his. It's all blurry at first, but as I focus more on his face, I can see that he is crying too. It doesn't make sense. I am starting to believe that I really messed up. Even though I am quite emotional, I've never seen him cry.
"I can't stand seeing you like this Adrian." He tells me between his sobs. "It's too much for me."
If it didn't make sense before, now it is simply insane. I don't know what is happening, I cannot assume anything.
"Please let me help" he continues. "I want you to be happy..."
That's enough. Tyler is so good to me, he only wants to help. He doesn't deserve to be sad over me. I trust him more than anyone, and the past few minutes only made my trust stronger. I think I should just confess my issue to him. I don't care about anything going wrong anymore; I don't think they can get any worse...
"I...I don't know where to begin from"
"I'll ask you then."
"OK" I respond. This might be much easier.
"Does it have to do with your family?"
"No, not at all. It's not that serious."
"It is. You are crying over it."
"Yeah, I guess..."
"What is it about then?"
"Well... I've been having weird thoughts lately."
"It's...I...I think I am gay."
That's the first time I said that to anyone. I haven't even told myself I am gay before. But I guess I am. There isn't any other reason for me to think boys look hot. Just like Dan.
Tyler doesn't react to my statement. He seems to be thinking, but I really can't tell what he thinks of me. My mind starts running 1000 miles an hour, thinking of what comes next. What if he calls me fag? What if he tells others at school? What if he tells my parents? Thankfully he interrupts me before I panic too much.
What does he mean? He sounds surprised. He must be, considering the great revelation. He doesn't do or say anything else. I think he is confused too. Maybe he is thinking what to do. Whom to tell first. How to ridicule me as much as possible. I can't stand this anymore, so I get up, grab my backpack, and head towards his bedroom door.
I hear him getting up behind me, but I don't turn around to see. I just want to get as far away as possible, and hide. As I open the door, he grabs me from my left arm, turns me around and gives me a hug.
"Don't go." he whispers in my ear "It's OK, I think I am like that too."
I can only hug him back. I start to realize that it really is going to be OK. After several moments, we let go, and head back into the room. We sit on the bed, very close to each other, neither of us not knowing what to say. We communicate through our eyes. I'm letting him know it's all right. He is too. But there something else in his eyes. Some kind of spark. I take my chances.
"What is it?"
"What is what?" he asks back
"You have something in your mind."
"I have a million things in my mind right now."
"Same here. But I think there is something more."
"...I think I can tell you what it is." he sais after a while "I have been holding it for too long. Well... the thing is...umm...I like you."
"I do too! You're amazing!" I responded gladly
"No, I meant I really like you. You are beautiful. You are smart. You are funny. You have a hot body. I have been feeling like this for some time. I have fallen for you."
At first I didn't realize what he meant, but suddenly it struck me. Not only did I confess in him that I am gay, not only did he tell me he is too, but now he tells me he likes me. More than just a friend. Once again, I am taken by surprise. Sure enough, I've thought of other boys being hot, but never had I considered liking, or loving someone.
"Dinner's ready!" Mrs. Joanne yells from downstairs
"Coming mom!" Tyler yelled back. He seems annoyed to be interrupted.
"Come on, let's go eat, we'll continue our talk after dinner." I urge him
We are getting settled in the kitchen table.
"You two look happy." Mrs. Joanne noticed
"True, Tyler's new computer rocks! It's all set up." I quickly cover up. I can see that Tyler is getting anxious over having left our conversation hanging on a very critical point.
"That's nice. Thank you for helping Tyler out, Adrian."
"No problem, anytime!" I answer, trying to keep cool.
"However, if I even suspect that you are overusing or misusing it, Tyler, I'll have it thrown off a plane."
I laugh at the comment, but Tyler is lost in his thoughts.
"Huh?...Oh, OK..." he said mindlessly
I try not to laugh, but I can't. Mrs. Joanne and I are really laughing out loud now, and Tyler is trying to figure out what's going on.
Thankfully, nothing else is said, and we begin eating. I can see that Tyler is getting more and more impatient and nervous, so I try to speed up.
We finally eat up, put our plates in the dishwasher, and start heading up.
"Adrian, you'll have to leave soon, you both have school tomorrow." She pointed out
"Will do, Mrs. Joanne" I told her, and carried on
As we went up the stairs, I tried to think of what might be said next. I don't know if I like him back, and I don't know if he'll be OK with such an answer...
That's it, end of chapter 2. Hope I am not getting too annoying, ending the chapter in the middle of a conversation, but I can't decide what should happen next. Is Tyler the one for Adrian? Or are they better off friends? Maybe perhaps something interesting happens with Dan. I don't know...yet!
I am expecting your emails with your thoughts and suggestions, or just a note saying "hi" at email@example.com
So far I've answered all emails I have received, and I am very glad that everyone who wrote was so supportive.
I have a question for those who decide to email me. Do you think I should use less dialogue and more description parts? Or is my writing OK as is?
One more thing. I have this idea: I want Dan and Adrian to have an online chat via messenger or short emails. Adrian will be telling Dan about his newly discovered identity. To make it more interesting, I want to ask if anyone wants to impersonate Dan for this chat, so that it will be more realistic. If you are interested, email me, and we'll set up a common time and chat platform. If more than one person is interested, I'll simulate the chat with all of them, and then choose the most appropriate.
It will be included in chapter 4, after we see what happens with Tyler and Adrian.
I don't know if this is going to work, I sure haven't seen something similar in nifty before. I thank all the volunteers in advance.